Card #1: Gateway To A New Frontier - St. Louis
August 16, 1998

CUTTO: The front of the Kiel Center in St. Louis. CUE-UP: "Welcome to the Jungle" by Guns n' Roses. The sun is setting as fans are shown streaming into the Kiel Center. Traffic is shown going by and several shots of fans in and around St. Louis are shown talking about the FWF event. The shots show people in line for tickets, at the concession stands, on the street, in Gateway Park, and coming out of Busch Stadium after a Cardinals game making comments about the first ever FWF card. The camera then shows the Kiel Center marquee, which is scrolling..."TONIGHT.....FRONTIER WRESTLING FEDERATION......GATEWAY TO A NEW FRONTIER.....MAIN EVENT.....DARREN MACMILLAN VS. MADONNA WAYNE GROSSARD....." CUTTO: The inside of the Kiel Center, CUE-UP: "Wild Nights, Hot Crazy Days" by Judas Priest.

The building is at this moment half full as ring attendants are shown getting everything ready. Fans are shown milling about as the music continues to blast. The camera switches to a shot above the ring with a giant FWF logo on the canvas. The camera closes in on the logo and fades out to the announcers standing at ringside.)

TONY ROSS: Wrestling fans, the time for a new frontier is here! Hello and welcome to the first ever Frontier Wrestling Federation event, FWF: Gateway to a new Frontier! I'm Tony Ross, along with my esteemed partner Victor Alvarez, and the not-so esteemed Jake Shades! Fans, you are going to witness wrestling history as the FWF opens it's doors to a new era! The Kiel Center, home of the NHL's St.Louis Blues, is almost sold out tonight with all these fans salivating for some great action!"

VICTOR ALVAREZ: Yes indeed, Tony, you could see the excitement in the fans' faces! Few men can create an atmosphere like this, but I think Joe Lebron, Scott Malec, and Eddie McCann have created something special here, and their experience is doing nothing but good for the FWF! I'm proud to be here! Tony, you were employeed by Malec in the past correct?

T.R.: Yes, I was an announcer in the old NFWA, and we all know the history of that league, and Victor, you were a part of the EFW, another great league of the past and..

JAKE SHADES: Are you jerks going to let me talk?

T.R.: Go right ahead, Jake....

JAKE SHADES.: "Ok, people, listen up as I cut into the mutual admiration talk we got going on here. I'm here for two things, to make money and to tell it like it is, which means ridiculing a lot of people along the way! I got a lot of things to say tonight, but I'll hold it in until later. For now, these two schlubs can talk til they turn red.

TONY ROSS: Folks, if you don't know him by now, he's Jake Shades, and he has been quite a controversial figure in his own right, doing everything from hosting his own wrestling talk show to being the NEH's crash test dummy. He has been involved in both the NFWA and the AFWC, and Victor, all I can tell you about him is that he's a pain in the neck and we have to deal with him.

J.S.: You and I go way back, Tony, and I can say that the pain in the neck feeling is mutual, but if you were more of an announcer than a damn cheerleader, you might get somewhere in this business. Let's get this show on the road, I ain't got all night.

T.R.: Patience, Jake, we have some things to talk about first. Victor, care to examine some of the talent we have assembled here in the FWF?

VICTOR ALVAREZ: Well, we have quite a strong lineup here with guys like our two wrestlers in the main event, "The Human Demolition Derby" Darren Macmillan and Madonna Wayne Grossard, we also have some great talent like Helix, Sage, Michael Kerrigan, Golem...

J.S.: Fans, what the FWF did was go to every mental institute, rehabilitation halfway house, Alcoholics Anonymous, and Gay Rights Association in the United States and recruited a bunch of rejects to wrestle here. I've never seen a bigger bunch of misfits in my life. And they call this a sport...

T.R.: That will be enough, Shades! What Victor was trying to explain was that the FWF is dedicated to bringing you top talent and action every night we wrestle! So fans, sit back and enjoy, because we are ready to roll here! Let's go up to our ring announcer, Paul Kramer for our first match!

(The bell rings 3 times symbollically, signalling the start of a new era)

PAUL KRAMER: Wrestling fans here in St. Louis, and everyone watching on ESPN2 at home, this is what it's all about, this is the NEW FRONTIER!!

(The crowd erupts after Kramer's comments and he goes silent as "More Human Than Human" by White Zombie erupts over the loudspeaker, and the fans get louder)

P.K.: "In our first ever Frontier Wrestling Federation match, coming to the ring, from Seoul, South Korea, weighing in at 183lbs., St. Louis, Missouri...this is SAGE!!"

(The crowd roars with excitement as Sage sprints to the ring, wearing his traditional face paint and serious look. He enters the ring looking down and raises both arms, and the crowd responds. The music switches to "Real Solution #9 by White Zombie)

P.K.: "And his opponent, from Toronto, Ontario, weighing in at 225lbs., MICHAEL "THE DRAGON" KERRIGAN!!"

(The "Dragon doesn't look too thrilled as he walks to the ring. For the most part, the crowd roars in approval, but some boos are heard, and Kerrigan is not pleased when a cup hits him in the face.)

TONY ROSS: "What a way to kick off the FWF with these two fine wrestlers! Both of these men are daredevil highflyers who have a martial arts experience! I can't wait for this!"

VICTOR ALVAREZ: The FWF had the right idea when they paired these two guys up! You can't get much more evenly matched than this! Kerrigan has the slight weight advantage, but I can't call a winner in this one!"

JAKE SHADES: I can! The winner is BOREDOM! Who the hell wants to see these two featherweights go at it? What happened to the big brawlers like Kraven and Flatliner??

T.R.: We have enough brawlwers here, Jake, but those are not one of them! As you know, the NEH has been barred from the FWF, and for good enough reason! They shouldn't even be allowed in America!

J.S.: Oh shut up, Ross! Do you wear blinders all the time or do you take them off when you go to sleep! Wake up and face reality! I'm gonna talk about that situation later on so don't you worry about it!

V.A.: I'm in no hurry to hear your side of the story, Shades, and I actually don't care. Can we concentrate on the match at hand instead of going off the subject? How did you get hired in the first place?

J.S.: That's a question I'm going to answer later on, Vicky, so keep your panties unbunched!

T.R.: I'm a little confused with Michael Kerrigan, he really is paying a lot ofattention to the fans here at the Kiel Center, it seems like he's hearing only boos and giving the booers dirty looks! He needs to concentrate on Sage here!

V.A.: He's been having problems with the fans on the East Coast and maybe it's carrying over here.

JAKE SHADES: "I would've taken that hand and shoved it up his.."

T.R.: "Sage and Kerrigan lock it up and Kerrigan gets him into the corner and we get a clean break, as our referee Stu Fields is in control here! Stu is just one of our fine officials here in the FWF to call the action!"

J.S.: "Yeah, you combine all their IQs and you might come up with something that resembles the missing link in the evolution from gorilla to man!"

V.A.: "Kerrigan does seem distracted by something, I know he's got a lot on his mind, but he has to win here if he wants a chance at the FWF title."

T.R.: "hey lock up again and Sage slaps on a headlock that Kerrigan turns right into a back suplex! kerrigan holds it and brings it right up into another one and he really jarred Sage's neck!"

V.A.: "Sage only weighs 183lbs, so its not hard for Kerrigan to throw him around! Sage always has to compensate for his weight!"

J.S.: "He has to compensate for his lack of intelligence, too, and those tiny little eye slits he has to see through!"

T.R.: "You know, Shades, nothing changes with you! You always have to be an obnoxious moron! Sage is in trouble here as Kerrigan pulls him up and whips him in! Tilt-o-whirl backbreaker!! Perfection!! The Dragon pulls sage right back up and drills him with a Full Nelson Dragon suplex!! 1-2-Sage kicks out!!"

V.A.: "It's a little early to put Sage away! I've seen him fight King Krusher injured and the man took an astounding beating and took the much larger man to the limit!"

J.S.: "Don't bring up that half-assed jerk anymore, Victoria."

T.R.: "Ah, one of Shades' thorns in his side! Kerrigan is in full control here as he hits a corkscrew elbow from the ropes, and Kerrigan hears that small minority of boos here in St. Louis, and he is not happy with them! Kerrigan with a European uppercut and pushes Sage into the corner! Kerrigan jumps up on the second turnbuckle and hits Sage with a DDT in one motion!! Wow!! A cover!! 1-2-Nope!"

V.A.: "Kerrigan is just so quick and so strong, there was nothing Sage could do about that one! Kerrigan is putting on a clinic here!"

T.R.: "Kerrigan is mounting the top turnbuckle and he waits for Sage to get up! He attempts a moonsault and Sage catches him with a dropkick in mid air!! Holy smokes!! Kerrigan tumbles right out of the ring!"

V.A.: "He caught the Dragon right in the breadbasket and that will buy him some time to recover here! Kerrigan can hardly breathe here!"

J.S.: "If this guy doesn't shake that off, then we got a problem here with these two wimps."

V.A.: "Tell that to Kerrigan and Sage!"

TONY ROSS: "What is Sage going to do now? He runs back to the ropes and waits for Kerrigan to get to his feet on the floor! Kerrigan is doubled over and now stands up and here comes Sage!! Sage runs, leaps on the top rope, bounces off that and does a split-legged moonsault onto Kerrigan!! My God, what a move!! The Kiel Center is going to lose it's roof here!! Kerrigan never knew what hit him!!

VICTOR ALVAREZ: "That's the kind of guy Sage is, he will take any risk, no matter how dangerous, to win the match and entertain the fans, and they are on their feet here in St. Louis!"

JAKE SHADES: "Sage HAS to do stuff like that, it's the only thing keeping him from being shipped back to South Korea! The FWF is blackmailing him so that if he doesn't perform...See ya!"

T.R.: "And where did those falsehoods come from?"

J.S.: "I have my sources."

T.R.: "Yeah, right! Sage has somehow gotten to his feet here, and he drags a limp Kerrigan to his feet and leans him against the railing! Spin kick to the midsection and Kerrigan's back went right into the railing! Wow! The crowd rallies Sage on as he tries to whip Kerrigan into the post and The Dragon reverses!! Sage goes face first into the iron!"

V.A.: "Kerrigan collapses in a heap on the floor and he is out of breath from Sage's attack! Sage should have got him back into the ring right away and scored the victory!"

J.S.: "That would be smart thing to do Vicks Vapo-Rub!"

T.R.: "No matter what my colleague says, Sage is a very intelligent wrestler, and he didn't get this far on high-flying moves alone! These two guys are definitwe favorites to go into the first Pay-Per-View in the top slot for a shot at the FWF National and U.S. Frontier Titles! Both men get up at the same time and simultaneously roll back in the ring to avoid the count of Stu Fields! Sage is up after taking that facefull of steel and He pulls Kerrigan up! Kerrigan small packages him!! 1-2-So close!!"

V.A.: "Kerrigan seems to have plenty of steam left, and let's see if the Canadian star can direct it at the South Korean daredevil!"

J.S.: "You sound like you're promoting a monster truck rally, Vickless."

T.R.: "Yeah, what you should be doing right now instead of being here! Kerrigan is fighting the cobwebs hard as Sage stings him with chop after chop! Both men are on their feet now exchanging intense chops! Ohh! Kerrigan rakes the eyes and boots him in the gut, and hits a scoop piledriver!! I didn't think Kerrigan would take a short cut like that!"

J.S.: "I like it! Go Dragon!"

T.R.: Kerrigan breathes hard as he grabs Sage by the hair, which may be out of frustration and he scoops Sage up and he's gpot him in a hanging backbreaker!! Then he turns it into a powerbomb!!"

V.A.: The Dragon calls that the Flying Dragon Bomb, and he looks to the crowd for support, but I think Sage is the favored wrestler here in St. Louis!"

TONY ROSS: "Kerrigan has a look of disgust on his face as he drives a knee into the nose of Sage! He does it again and leaves Sage laying! The Dragon is going up top again!! He's up high!! Somersault splash!! Forget this one!! 1-2-Oh my, how did Sage kick out of that one!!? Kerrigan is at a loss for words here and now he's arguing with Fields! He wanted a faster count!"

VICTOR ALVAREZ: "This is not the Michael Kerrigan I've seen in the past! He seems a bit more disgruntled than usual, probably stemming from recent happenings in New York!"

ybe his wife left him, or his dog ran away...hey, I can write a country song for him and make some good money, rather than sit here with you two stiffs!"

T.R.: "Would you, please!? Kerrigan focuses back on Sage and the South Korean throws a kick at the Dragon from the mat that staggers him! Sage springs to his feet and hits a sidekick that shocks Kerrigan! Sage tries a sidekick and kerrigan ducks and Sage gets caught up in the ropes!"

V.A.: "Sage hyperextended his groin area with that miss, and he is in serious pain now! This could be it for Sage!"

J.S.: "Yeah, that could be it for him and his mama-san too if he can't perform to make 10 more kids!"

T.R.: "Man, you are in rare form tonight, the first match and I already want to kill you! Sage is caught up in the ropes as Kerrigan recovers and just blasts him with a high kick and Sage falls off the ropes and hits the apron on the way down! Now it's Kerrigan's chance to show off to the fans as he backs up and charges!! Somersault over the ropes and onto Sage!! An equally spectacular move, and kerrigan did it so well, he is able to get right up and check for the fan's reaction!"

V.A.: "The Dragon is just not getting the response he wants! The fans are partial to Sage here and he is enraged by it! Now look at him, he's savagely beating on Sage on the floor asif to say, 'Here's your hero!'"

J.S.: "Look at him go! I'm starting to like this guy! Stomp him a new one, Mike!"

T.R.: "And I'M the cheerleader! Kerrigan rips Sage up by the hair and whips him into the steel steps and they get turned over from the force! I believe Sage is opened up after that! Kerrigan is back on top of him and I think the Dragon has lost it here! He will not get off of Sage as Stu Fields has made the 10 count!! Kerrigan doesn't even notice as he grabs a chair and drives it into the throat of Sage, and Sage's back goes right into the steps!!"

V.A.: "I don't think Kerrigan even cares that this match is a double countout, he's so crazed with anger! Sage is bleeding on the floor and Kerrigan just walks away with a disgusted look on his face!"

J.S.: "He just wants to be loved, is that so wrong!? Ha Ha Ha Ha! Poor Sagey, I feel for the little guy!"

T.R.: "OK, the first ever FWF match ends in a double countout, but what a match it was! Fans, we gotta take a commercial break, but we'll be back with plenty more action!"

(CUE-UP: "Civil War" by Guns n' Roses. CUT TO: Michael Kerrigan standing in the ring alone.)

V/O: Japan is coming to terms with the fact, that one man will stand alone. Michael Kerrigan has made it his business to defend WAR from the unruly band of thieves known as the Alliance. Can Michael Kerrigan and his friends defend the pride and integrity of WAR from the vicious Alliance? Find out as both sides collide at Wrestling Action n' Revolution presents CIVIL WAR. This will not be for the weak of heart. Also in action, Maelstrom, "The Future" Mike Lane, and Madonna Wayne Grossard. CIVIL WAR, coming to you live later this month only on the INTERNATIONAL CHANNEL. If your cable company does not carry the International Channel, call them up.....DEMAND IT.....DECLARE WAR!!!!!!

(Fadeout)

(CUE-UP: Beethovens Moonlight Sonata. FADE-IN: Kiel Center, St. Louis, Missouri)

PAUL KRAMER: "In our next match, coming to the ring, from Parts Unknown, weighing in at 300lbs., APOCALYPSE!!"

(Apocalypse walks slowly to the ring looking menacing, but the fans have no idea who he is so there's no raction.)

(CUE-UP: "Necrophobic" by Slayer)

P.K.: "And his opponent, from Brooklyn, New York, weighing in at 365lbs., "TRIPLE 6" REIGN CHANCELLOR!!"

(Chancellor lumbers to the ring with his arms raised, receiving mostly boos, with a lot of people marking out for his choiceof music)

TONY ROSS: "Well, here we go with our second encounter, and we have two very big men about to collide in there!"

JAKE SHADES: "Yeah, two lumbering idiots! Where did the FWF find these guys, Jenny Craig??"

VICTOR ALVAREZ: "Both of these men are rookies in the sport, and they show a lot of potential, especially the Reign Chancellor, although I disagree with his name and attitude."

T.R.: "Apocalypse attacks Chancellor as soon as he gtes in the ring, but the 365lb man is absorbing the blows as if nothing is happening! He grabs Apocalypse by the throat and shoves him back, allowing him entrance into the ring! This guy is a monster, he just manhandled a 300 pounder! Apocalypse just came charging back and runs right into the massive boot of Chancellor!"

V.A.: "Apocalypse does not have a very smart game plan, you can't straight away attack a 365lb man, I don't care who you are!"

J.S.: "Especially if you lead with your head like this big dummy!"

T.R.: "Apocalypse gets to his feet only to be absolutely plowed over by a clothesline! Chancellor screams to the St. Louis crowd and they respond with boos! Chanceloor stomps Apocalypse's head a few times and he methodically drags him to his feet! he whips Apocalypse in! Reversal!! Big reverse elbow!"

VICTOR ALVAREZ: "Apocalypse is celebrating way too much here, and look out, Chancellor is already on his feet!"

TONY ROSS: "He grabs Apocalyopse's neck from behind and crushes him with a huge chop to the head and Apocalypse hits the mat like a ton of lead! Chancellor pulls him right up and bear hugs him to the top rope! What strength! Superplex!! Bam!! He obliterated Apocalypse, did you see the height!?"

JAKE SHADES: "Stop exaggerating! How hard is it to throw a 300 pound pile of blubber off the top rope!"

V.A.: "Look at the demeanor of this man, the sneer on his face, the way he walks! He is definitely confident in his abilities!"

T.R.: "Chancellor drags Apocalypse to his feet and backs up and oh my!! What a superkick!! He laid him out!! His neck snapped back like he got shot in the face! Chancellor walks around the ring staring evilly into the crowd and finally pulls the lifeless Apocalypse to his feet! What is this!? He lifts Apocalypse up and is almost able to gorilla press him!! He's holding him high in the air!! Oh!! he just dropped him into a diamond cutter!! Wow!! 1-2-3!! What a dominating victory!!"

V.A.: "Chancellor calls that move the Triple 6 Drop to Hell, and what a big man he hit that move on!! I am impressed!"

J.S.: "I'm not! I could have taken that overgrown doorstop! What kind of talent scouts does Lebron hire? Mentally handicapped??"

T.R.: "Well, before Shades offends anyone else, let's take a short break!"

(FADE-IN from Commercial: The camera is panning the crowd in depth for the first time tonight, and we some signs such as "FWF IS IN DA HOUSE", "WILL JOB FOR FOOD", "MACMILLAN IS THE REAL BIG MAC", and "KERRIGAN GO HOME". The camera continues to pan around on some wild fans before it fades into Paul Kramer in the ring. CUE-UP: "The Call of Ktulu" by Metallica)

PAUL KRAMER: "In our next match, coming to the ring, from South Bronx, New York, weighing in at 237lbs., D-BALL!!"

(D-Ball comes to the ring with a serious look on his face, wearing a tank top and basketball shorts. He gets a decent crowd reaction. CUE-UP: "The Delinquent Song" by the Voodoo Glow Skulls")

P.K.: "And his opponent, from Riverside, California, weighing in at 235lbs., FRANKIE CASILLAS!! He is accompanied by his brother, Eddie!"

(Frankie and Eddie jive to the ring geared up in total barrio wear. Baggy jean shorts, white T-shirts and Converse is the rule as the brothers walk to the ring and slap a few hands. they stop on the outside and point into the ring and laugh at D-Ball.)

TONY ROSS: "I guess we have a battle for respect here as these two youngsters are chomping at the bit to get it on!"

JAKE SHADES: "I don't know if there's any respect to give from either of these two numbskulls! Don't they have a liqour store to knock over?"

VICTOR ALVAREZ: "Shades, these boys are just trying to make it like anyone else. They got off the streets and into the FWF to make a living, just like you did."

J.S.: "WEll, you, the token Mexican, I'm sure would agree with that thought. Yeah, the FWF got them off the streets, but did the FWF get the streets out of them?"

T.R.: "No sympathy whatsoever from this guy! Well, I'm looking forward to this match with these two young lions, and I'm looking at D-Ball, he's a tall guy at 6'7", but only tips the scales at 237. Do you think his lack of body mass will be a disdvantage, he is quite lanky."

V.A.: "He does have a long reach, that will help him out greatly against the much shorter Casillas."

J.S.: "Your arms would be long too if you spent your days dunking basketballs and reaching deep into the corner for that last 40 of Old English, and how can D-Ball combat Casillas' still-soaked trunks? It's a long swim across the Rio Grande!"

T.R.: "You are a sick person, Shades, you really need help with the stereo-typing! Anyways, D-Ball and Casillas are in a showdown in the middle of the ring and the pushing has begun! D-Ball uses those long arms to shove Casillas into the corner and Casillas comes right back out fighting! I don't think we're going to see too much wrestling, here! Just a lot of street fighting!"

V.A.: "D-Ball is said to have been stabbed in the chest in his neighborhood in the past, and that may come back to haunt him. A wound like that can bother you in a hurry!"

J.S.: "Stab wound? Yeah right, he tried jumping a turnstile and tripped and hit the metal bar!"

TONY ROSS: "Shades, I think some of these wrestlers need to hear your comments!"

JAKE SHADES: "Go ahead, tell em. I've got nothing to hide!"

T.R.: "Casillas has D-Ball in a headlock, which D-Ball powers out of and he whips Casillas in! Big powerslam!! That was some impressive strength there! D-Ball is pumping his fists wildly and the St. Louis crowd responds! D-Ball drops an elbow and pulls Casillas up!"

J.S.: "You know, this D-ball reminds me of Dennis Rodman...tall, lanky...no talent..."

V.A.: "D-Ball is a trained wrestler, unlike Dennis Rodman, I'd like to add!"

J.S.: "The only time D-Ball was ever trained in anything was when he had to decipher the fry and Big Mac symbols on the register at McDonalds!"

T.R.: "Yes, Vic, he just keeps going and going...D-ball is in control here as hits Casillas with a neckbreaker! He pulls Casillas right back up, but Casillas with a go behind takedown and D-ball gets to the ropes for a break!"

V.A.: "Casillas showing a possible background in amateur wrestling there, I'm not sure if he wrestled in high school."

J.S.: "Amateur what? Car-thief?? This guy couldn't wrestle his way out of a room full of burritos and tacos!

T.R.: "Casillas is pushing D-Ball and he wants to fight!! the two start trading fists and Casillas puts him down and gets on top and starts whaling away at his head! His brother eddie is cheering him on from the outside!"

J.S.: "Frankie is goin to Hollywood on that D-Ball!"

V.A.: "Casillas' savage mean streak is showing here, he probably earned that on the streets of Riverside, California."

J.S.: "Yeah, there's a rough town. Where do they have their gang fights, outside the Gap in the Mall, or in front of the waterslide park? Gimme a break...."

T.R.: "Shades, we all know what a rough upbringing you had, I've never seen a bigger silver spoon in somebody's mouth! Casillas pulls D-Ball up and hits a thunderous uppercut followed by a scoop slam! Casillas runs and flies off the ropes and gets some great height on that elbowsmash! A pin!! 1-2-kickout! D-Ball immediately gets to his feet.."

J.S.: "He probably heard the Ryker's Island lunch bell in his head."

T.R.: "STOP! D-Ball is figting off Casillas' attack and he gets some massive rights in with those long arms, and he just grabs Casillas by the neck and throws him into the corner! D-Ball goes in hard and and nobody home! Casillas dove out the way and D-Ball hits nothing but turnbuckle!! Casillas with a quick rollup!! 1-2-No!! Casillas almost had him! Casillas stomps away at D-ball and drops a knee to the head! He pulls D-ball up and hits a nice belly to back! Casillas runs his fingers across his throat and this could be it! Russian Leg sweep! He follows it up with the Dragon Sleeper!! That is his finisher!!"

V.A.: "D-Ball is close to the ropes and he has a chance to escape this hold!"

TONY ROSS: "He's reaching...reaching..there, he's got it! D-Ball gets to the ropes and referee Danny Diaper breaks the hold! Casillas is incensed as he argues with Diaper, and the referee just backs away and lets Casillas do his thing! D-Ball is hanging onto the ropes trying to clear the cobwebs and Casillas jumps right on him, and D-ball gets clotheslined from the weight! He springs back and Casillas kicks him in the head!"

VICTOR ALVAREZ: "Casillas is showing some frustration for not being able to put D-ball away, and he has to be careful to not lose his temper along with his concentration!"

JAKE SHADES: "Is that the legendary hot Mexican temper that you always hear about? Is that true Vicroy? Is there such a beast?"

V.A.: "I'm not even going to honor that with an answer."

T.R.: "Casillas is really arguing with Diaper now as D-ball is on the ropes again!"

J.S.: "This guys' on the ropes more than McNeely was against Tyson!"

T.R.: "D-Ball stands himself up only to be met with a Casillas kick and he doubles over for a DDT! Casillas signals the end here and covers!! 1-2-just barely kicked out! D-Ball showing some great resilence here as casillas is even more angry! He pulls D-Ball up angrily and whips him into the corner! He charges in and D-ball puts up his boot!! D-ball follows it up with a big lariat and both men are down!! D-Ball rolls over and throws an arm over him!! 1-2-Shoulder up! The fans here thought it was over!"

V.A.: "These guys are showing a lot of moxie for being rookies! They are not used to long fights like this!"

J.S.: "Yeah, TOO long, I've seen enough of these two hoodlums!"

T.R.: "D-Ball and Casillas are both on their feet and they turn and start hitting each other! Casillas slumps into the ropes and D-ball gives him a bad case of rope-burn!"

J.S.: "To go along with that heartburn after that fat enchilada he plowed in the locker room! I can smell his flatulence from here!"

T.R.: "D-Ball back suplexes him into a bridge!! 1-2-3!! Wait!! Casillas had his shoulder up, but the bell is ringing! Casillas had his shoulder up!"

V.A.: "Yes he did, Tony, but D-ball didn't! Diaper counted D-Ball out, who didn't have enough energy to lift his shoulders after hitting the back suplex! D-ball can't believe it!"

T.R.: "Casillas slumps in the corner after this fight and he's just staring at D-Ball, who is arguing with Danny Diaper! Wait a minute! Casillas stands up and he's approaching D-Ball! He' extending his hand! These two guys have a lot in common, so why not settle their differences like this! D-Ball looks unsure at first, but he gives him his hand! The crowd responds! These guys put up quite a fight and Casillas knows he could have lost that match!"

J.S.: "PANSIES!! Hit em, you moron!!"

V.A.: "You would like that wouldn't you? I find this to be quite enjoyable! These two kids have nothing but potential here in the FWF! Good show, guys"

(FADE-IN: The camera focuses on some fans screaming at the top of their voices, with one guy holding a sign that says, "FWF 4-EVER!" One of the guys picks his friend up and applies the torture rack. CUE-UP: "God Bless the Bums" by Comeshot")

PAUL KRAMER: "In our next match, coming to the ring, from Death Valley, California, weighing in at 238lbs., GOLEM!!"

(The crowd boos loudly as Golem walks to ringside, not even paying attention to anything the fans have to say to him.)

P.K.: "And his opponent, from the Smoky Mountains, weighing in at 231lbs., "POOR" BUTCH CLAMPETT!!"

(Clampett drags himself to the ring wearing absolute tatters, and a fly can be seen buzzing around his head. The crowd does not know how to react.)

TONY ROSS: "This ought to be interesting, I've never seen anyone quite like Butch Clampett."

JAKE SHADES: "Yeah you have, what about your alcoholic uncle?"

VICTOR ALVAREZ: "Clampett has his hands full with Golem, who is an accomplished wrestler, and will do what it takes to win the match."

J.S.: "I like Golem, he's one of the ew real men left in wrestling. He doesn't care what the fans do or think, and he cheats whenever he can!"

T.R.: "Yes, he's a very honorable man, by your miserable standards! Clampett is just a mess in there and Golem is asking referee Stu Fields to have Clampett take off that raggedy T-shirt he has on! There's probably stains on there from 3 weeks ago!"

V.A.: "How much can that possibly help? Look at his pants, they're a mess! And you can smell him from here!"

J.S.: "Kind of makes you homesick, doesn't it, Viccinator?"

T.R.: "Clampett attacks! He throws that smelly shirt right in Golem's face and starts rifling him with right hands! A big boot to the gut and Clampett bulldogs him! Now he takes the shirt and rubs it in Golem's face! How disgusting! Clampett throws the shirt out and now he has a distinct advantage after giving Golem a dose of his own odor!"

V.A.: "As much as I hate to say it, that was a good strategy by Clampett!"

J.S.: "Come on Golem, I told you you should have worn nose plugs against this guy! Where's the Board of Health when you need em?"

T.R.: "Clampett grabs Golem and whips him in! An elbow to the throat and now Golem has an even bigger problem breathing, as if the B.O. wasn't enough! Clampett splashes and covers!! 1-2-kickout! Golem fights to his feet, gasping for air and Clampett axehandles him right back down! Clampett stomps him a few times and then he drops down for a chinlock!"

V.A.: "Clampett is using the same tactics Golem would use on him, so Clampett is smarter then he looks! Too bad I can't say that for his cleanliness!"

J.S.: "Oh come on Vicky, we know you haven't changed your underwear for a few days, you can tell us!" TONY ROSS: "How would you know about Victor's washing habits? You think everybody cleans themselves as often as yoyu do? Which is rarely?"

JAKE SHADES: "Shut up, Ross, or I'll have to tell everybody about your horrendous toe-jam!"

T.R.: "Oh please! Golem is starting to show some life here as he kicks towards the ropes and he escapes the chin lock! The hold is broken and Clampett drives a knee right into Golem and he falls right out of the ring! Clampett goes right out after him!"

V.A.: "Clampett is very persistent, he rarely pauses for any reason, including taunting the fans. He's concentrating on his opponent, which is a must in this business!"

J.S.: "No, there's just a big NASCAR race on that he wants to get home to see!"

T.R.: "So you're assuming that all NASCAR fans are like Clampett?"

J.S.: "Yes, isn't it obvious?"

T.R.: "Well, I'm a NASCAR Fan!"

J.S.: "Case closed."

T.R.: "Clampett tries to ram Golem into the post but he blocks! Ohhh! Golem throws him shoulder first right into the steel and Clampett is hurt badly! Ohh!! Golem runs his face across the post! He may have scraped that jagged edge there, and Clampett is possibly opened up!! Golem takes a second to collect his thoughts and kicks Clampett in the stomach and scoop slams him on the floor!"

V.A.: "Fields is counting away in the ring, he is not going to go out there and try and bring it back in! Fields wants these guys to follow the rules and if they lose by countout, then their chances of getting a title in the FWF become very slim!"

J.S.: "Do you think Golem cares? He's too bust beating the redneck out of Clampett!"

T.R.: "That may be an impossible task, Jake! Golem rolls in to stop the count and thn he goes right back out to assault the Smoky Mountain native! Big rights send Clampett sprawling into the rail, and there you see some of the fans here in St. Louis scrambling back away from this brawl! Clampett is opened up and Golem is raking at that wound! He finally dumps Clampett back into the ring!"

V.A.: "Golem may have already done the damage he needs to win this match! Clampett is in a world of hurt!"

J.S.: "Clampett ain't feeling a thing! You ever drink a fifth of moonshine, Vickhead? This guys' flying on top of the world!"

T.R.: "Golem comes in and picks him up! Fallaway slam!! He gets up for a vicious fistdrop and covers!! 1-2-Kickout! Golem looks confident as he pulls Clampett back up and whips him into the corner! Clampett reverses! Golem goes in hard and Clampett followshim in with a nasty forearm! Both men are down and gasping for air!"

V.A.: "That may have been Clampett's last burst of energy! If Golem can get his second wind, he may have Clampett beat!" TONY ROSS: "But Golem is moving and he staggers to his feet, and Clampett is up too! Golem takes a swing, Clampett ducks and goes behind! He rolls Golem up!! Golem goes over with the momentum and grabs the ropes for leverage!! 1-2-3!! Golem literally grabs the win here at the Kiel Center!!"

VICTOR ALVAREZ: "Golem took the shortcut there and it paid off for him, and Clampett doesn't even know it! He's just sitting there in a daze!"

T.R.: "Look at Golem take off out of the ring! He's had enough of Clampett's unflattering odor!"

J.S.: "Golem did what he had to do to win, and that's CHEAT, and I love it! If Golem keeps that up, he will be wearing that FWF gold!"

T.R.: "Have you ever said anything honorable in your life?"

J.S.: "Everything I say is honorable, Ross, just not in your distorted view! I tell it how it happens and how it really is and you just can't accept that!"

V.A.: "If reality is what you believe it to be, then this world is in serious trouble."

T.R.: "Ok, fans, don't go away, we'll be back on ESPN2 from St. Louis with the first ever FWF event!"

J.S.: "And when we get back, I get to sound off about everyhting that's happened in the last couple of months!"

T.R.: "Oh great......"

(CUE-UP: "Fuel" by Metallica. A bullet is seen being placed into the chamber of a gun. As the gun fires, a steel cage is seen being slammed shut in time with the music.)

V/O: "Four men enter and only one will survive. The sole survivor takes home the prize of calling himself the best. Tune in as four of the toughest men in the National Wrestling Deferation battle it out in order to become the NWF World Champion as the NWF presents LOCK N' LOAD!! NWF LOCK N' LOAD, coming to you live on pay-per-view, call your local cable company and then strap yourself in.....THIS ONE IS GOING TO KICK ASS!!!!"

(FADEOUT)

(FWF VP Scott Malec climbs the railing dressed in an Armani suit and storms over to the broadcast table. The camera shows a wide-eyed Shades and a smiling Tony Ross and Victor Alvarez. The crowd is in a frenzy)

JAKE SHADES: "Well...uhh...here's the chump now, looks like I got to straighten him out again!"

(Shades stands up meekly as Malec stands in front of him arms crossed. Ross hands him his headset)

SCOTT MALEC: "So I hear we have a problem? I hear a lot of lies spewing out of your trap, and I'm here to CORRECT them!"

J.S.: "There are no lies, only truths! You're just in a state of denial!"

S.M.: "First of all, I want this camera to focus in on Shades' eye! (Camera focuses on the black eye) You see that? That's what happened when he stormed into my office, he got clocked! Second, you didn't lay anything on the line, you just spewed out the same lies that you always have!"

J.S.: "Your lucky I didn't sue you, you arrogant S.O.B.!!"

S.M.: "You couldn't if you wanted to, slimeball, you busted into MY office in MY building! It would be a losing battle! tell them how you got this job, Shades! Tell em!"

J.S.: "You...I..uhhh..I demanded it!!"

S.M.: "Wrong, Pinocchio, your nose just grew about 10 inches! Tell them the truth!"

J.S.: "You...uhh...gave it to me."

S.M.: "Right, and I sure as hell can take it away, instantly! I did you a favor, Shades, and you certainly are not grateful about it! Keep it up, or your back out on the streets! That's all I got to say, and that's all YOU got to say about the matter! Now, excuse me, I have some wrestling to watch!"

(Malec leaves the ring area with security as Shades stands up and pretends to be held back by Alvarez and Ross)

TONY ROSS: "Jake, you simply never cease to amaze me! Even in front of your own boss, you still lie like a dirty rug!"

J.S.: "Ross, you have no idea the severity of this situation and you have no clue how deep the FWF is in trouble! I suggest you keep your mouth shut and your nose out of it, because this is just the beginning, I promise you!!"

T.R.: "Yeah, OK, Jake! Well, fans, my partner Victor Alvarez is going to explain how the FWF titles will be decided!"

V.A.: "Tony, the two singls titles will be the National Title and the U.S. Frontier Title. The first three FWF cards will determine rankings to see who the top 4 men in the FWF are. After this is determined, the first pay-per-view will be held, and the top 4 FWF wrestlers will go into a 4-way free for all for the belts, with the winner receieving the National Title, and the runner-up gets the U.S. Frontier belt! The tag team belts will be decided at the pay-per-view in a battle royal! Only the top 5 contenders can challenge for any belt in the FWF, and I just want to say good luck to all competitors! We'll be back after this!"

(FADE-IN: The announcer's table)

TONY ROSS: "Fans, I have been notified that due to a conflicting schedule, Iceman has left the FWF, so his match with "Child Prodigy" Johnny Havens has been cancelled. So let's go up to Paul for our next match!"

(CUE-UP: "Closer" by Nine Inch Nails)

PAUL KRAMER: "In our next match, coming to the ring, from Parts Unknown, weighing in at 210lbs., NOSTRADAMUS!!"

(Nostradamus walks to the ring with a black cloak on, not even looking at the fans, and there is hardly any reaction. CUE-UP: "Detroit Rock City" by Kiss)

P.K.: "And his opponent, from Detroit, Michigan, weighing in at 236lbs., GRAND THEFT!!"

(Grand Theft trots to the ring wearing red tights, and he slaps a few hands on the way to a decent reaction)

TONY ROSS: "Once again, some hot new talent on display here in the FWF! Jake, I was wondering, have you had a chance to pull that foot out of your mouth during that commercial?"

JAKE SHADES: "Don't push it, Ross, or I'll make sure it'll cost your job."

T.R.: "Maybe I should quit now..anyways, Grand Theft, an ex-gang member and car thief in Detroit, has changed his ways and found God, and he preachesthe good word whenever he can! He has to face the mysterious Nostradamus, and I have no idea what to make of this guy!"

VICTOR ALVAREZ: "Grand Theft is another example of a kid coming off the streets trying to make a living here in the FWF, just like D-Ball and the Casillas brothers. Mr. Lebron is a very generous man to allow these youngsters to compete here."

J.S.: "Lebron is an egotistical selfish jerk who could care less about the welfare of some street punks! Lebron only cares about the almighty dollar and his two flunkies that help him count it!"

T.R.: "Even after being put in his place, Shades is still rolling! Nostradamus is just standing in the corner as Grand Theft calls him out, and he is unmoving! Theft goes in after him being impatient, and he pays for it as Nostradamus nails him with a hard right, followed by some lefts as the cloak comes off! Theft showing his inexperice with that move! Nostradamus slams him down and drops a knee!"

V.A.: "Grand Theft is a pure-bred brawler, growing up on the mean streets of Detroit, and spending 18 months in jail I'm sure only augmented his fighting skills."

J.S.: "But what is he supposed to do against this Druid? Throw some magic potion at him?"

T.R.: "He's not doing much now as Nostradamus chokes him on the mat! Referee Sal Putz tries to pull him off but to no avail! Nostradamus lets off and continues his assault with some kicks to the head and he pulls Theft up! He goes for a suplex but Theft blocks! Another block! Theft gets him up!! Ohh! Nostradamus shifts his weight and falls on top of him!! 1-2-Kickout! Theft looks surprised as he scrambles to his feet only to be met with an arm drag! Nostradamus applies a tight arm bar as Theft tries to get some shots in!"

VICTOR ALVAREZ: "Nostradamus seems to have some good, sound technical ability, but what we know about him is just what we see here. The man is a mystery."

JAKE SHADES: "That's because you just didn't do your homework, Victoria, you're supposed to know this stuff!"

V.A.: "And what do you know about this man, Shades?"

J.S.: "Uhhh...he was flipping burgers at Wendy's when one day, Lebron went in and ordered half the menu, and he realized Nostradamus had great potential as he powerfully flipped those singles!"

T.R.: "That's just about as true as the rest of the garbage you've been unloading on us! Grand Theft gets an eye poke in and that broke the hold! Theft gets to his feet and he's throwing some massive haymakers and Nostradamus falls through the ropes and out! Theft holds on to the ropes and takes a breather as nostradamus tries to get up outside and Theft follows him out!"

V.A.: "This is where Grand Theft should shine, on the outside! This is his element!"

T.R.: "Theft punches him and rams him off the apron! He then places Nostradamus on the apron and he pushes him to where his neck hangs off the edge! Ohh, this is going to hurt!! Theft is on the apron and he legdrops Nostradamus!! Ohhh!! He may have cracked his neck and the fans soak it up!!"

V.A.: "What a devastating manuver! Nostradamus is in serious trouble here, his neck may be seriously injured here!"

T.R.: "Theft is pumping his fists getting the St.Louis crowd into it bigtime as he drags Nostradamus back through the ropes! He pulls him up and he's going for a neckbreaker but Nostradamus is somehow blocking it!! He grabs Theft and DDTs him quickly!! Wow!! Where did that come from! Nostradamus is holding his neck in extreme pain and he cannot make the cover on Theft!"

J.S.: "I guess this Druid really is tough, that was quite a shot he took, maybe he's doing a Gregorian chant underneath his breath to block out the pain!"

V.A.: "Both of these men are really hurt as Sal Putz makes the count, they may not be able to pin each other!"

T.R.: "Grand Theft somehow rolls over and covers after receiving a DDT!! 1-2-Ohhh!! It doesn't get any closer than that!! Theft gets to his knees as Nostradamus begins to stir! Theft hits a quick Russian Leg Sweep! He applies a vicelike headlock, and how long can Nostradamus last after that deadly legdrop on the apron, I can't believe his neck is not broken!"

V.A.: "Grand Theft has him right in the middle of the ring with nowhere to go, we are really seeing Nostradamus' limits tested here!"

J.S.: "Maybe he's dead...?"

T.R.: "I don't know about that, I see him breathing, but very heavy, and Theft is really applying the pressure, and a hold like this can win him the match! Nostradamus begins sliding his feet toward the ropes!! Can he make it!? At the same time, he's trying to pry Theft's arms off! He gets a leg under the rope and he wants Theft to break it! He's trying to break the hold and Theft finally lets off!" TONY ROSS: "Now he's up and arguing with Putz, and this is not smart! Theft pushes Putz down! This may be a DQ here, but Putz does not call for the bell!! Nostradamus gets up and rolls him up from behind!! 1-2-No!! That was close! Theft gets right up and runs him over with a clothesline and he kicks Nostradamus right out of the ring!!"

VICTOR ALVAREZ: "I think Theft is losing his temper here, he is really looking angry!"

JAKE SHADES: "Well, when you are as unintelligent as he is, and don't know how how to beat somebody, you tend to get frustrated! This big dummy doesn't have a chance!"

T.R.: "Theft is going to town on Nostradamus out there, and now he grabs a chair!! Ohh!!! He just nailed Nostradamus right over the head with it, and Putz has seen enough! The bell is ringing and Theft throws the chair down in disgust, and I think he now understands the mistake he has made!"

V.A.: "That is really a shame because he could have had this match, but what a show from Nostradamus! He put up with an unbelievable amount of pain to get the DQ win!"

J.S.: "This guy may have found God, but I think he lost his brain somwhere along the way! He had better get that temper under control if he wants to get anywhere around here, but then again, all he has to do is kiss Lebron's ass and get an instant title shot!"

T.R.: "You know that is not true, Shades! Now stop it before you get yourself fired, you heard what Malec said! On that note, we have to take a break, and we'll be back with more FWF action from the Gateway to the West!"

(FADE-IN: A panning shot of the Kiel Center showing the thousands of fans in attendance, as the scoreboard runs down the match results of the evening. CUE-UP: "Stop Being Greedy" by DMX")

PAUL KRAMER: "IN our next match, coming to the ring, from New York, New York, weighing in at 270lbs., VENOM!!"

(Venom walks to the ring with a confidant look, wearing baggy jeans. The crowd doesn't know how to react as Venom looks across the thousands of fans. CUE-UP: "Machinehead" by Bush)

P.K.: "And his opponent, from Dallas, Texas, weighing in at 250lbs., BERSERKER DAVE!!"

(Berserker Dave stumbles crazily down the aisle wearing torn up jeans. He is wide eyed as he looks to the crowd and yells out, and the fans respond with a good pop)

TONY ROSS: "Venom is another newcomer to the world of wrestling, very built and mean-looking, but how do you prepare for this?"

VICTOR ALVAREZ: "What he is going to be facing is one of the most unorthodox wrestlers I've ever seen! Venom has his work cut out for him!"

JAKE SHADES: "Look at this moron! He's going all the way to the other side of the ring just to avoid the camera! Where do they find these guys?"

T.R.: "Berserker dave finally enters the ring and Venom just stares at him with no emotion! Dave charges at him and here we go! Dave just wants a fight and he will get one from this big, muscular guy! They are trading huge rights and neither man is backing down! Ohh!! Dave grabs an arm and starts biting him! He's really gnawing away at him!"

V.A.: "That is one way to neutralize a fighter, use your teeth!"

J.S.: "You hypocrites! That's blatant cheating and you know it!"

T.R.: "I thought you liked this stuff!"

J.S.: "Not from this clod! Trying to have a normal conversation with this guy is like trying to play pick-up sticks with your butt cheeks!"

T.R.: "Thank you for putting it so bluntly! Venom throws dave off his arm and gos right after him with kicks and stomps! Inverted atomic drop staggers Dave and he is going to feel that one in the morning! Venom levels him with a forearm to the top of the head!"

J.S.: "What good is that gonna do? Dave's head is harder than Tommy Lee was in that home movie with Pamela Anderson!"

T.R.: "I can see it now, Vic, the FCC shutting down the FWF after its first event because of this foul-mouth! Shades, do us a favor and put a lid on it before you run this place into the ground!"

J.S.: "That's what I intend on doing! "

V.A.: "Don't give him any ideas Tony!"

T.R.: "Venom now has the advantage as he hits Dave with a belly to belly! Venom drops a forearm and now he's whacking Dave with some solid fists!"

TONY ROSS: "Venom pulls this wildman up by his hair and whips him in! Big powerslam!! He rocked the mat with that one and the fans responded with a big gasp! Venom doesn't pin him as he tries to weaken him further with a side headlock on the mat!"

JAKE SHADES: "Venom needs to stop working on this guys' head because it ain't gonna do him any good! At least poke his eyes or something!"

T.R.: "It's OK for Venom to cheat but not Dave? Dave powers his way to his feet and now he's throwing elbows into the gut of venom to break the hold! That did it! Dave shoulder tackls him down and starts flailing away at Venom's head, but Venom gets an ear clap in and that rung Dave's bells in a big way!"

J.S.: "And those bells must be really loud in that empty cavernous head of his! It must sound like the Notre Dame Cathedral in there!"

V.A.: "Venom is finding ways to neutralize the wild attacks of Dave, and he needs to keep him off his feet!"

T.R.: "Venom gets to his feet and hooks Dave up in a gutwrench suplex! Perfectly exceuted! Venom quickly covers!! 1-2-No!! Venom looks fully confidant that he can take this crazed individual!"

V.A.: "If you saw his earlier interviews, you know that the man is afraid of cameras, but he is not afraid of other wrestlers, and he better get some offense going here before Venom dominates him!"

J.S.: "I think Venom can handle this clown, he's just another one of Lebron's looney bin products, which seems to the the norm around here!"

T.R.: "He gets Dave up and now he hits a slingshot suplex! I haven't seen that in a long time! Venom drops a leg and covers!! 1-2-Dave kicks out again! And now he gets to his feet!! Dave abosrbed all those moves and he's begging Venom for more!! The crowd is fully behind Dave as he blocks all of his shots and head-butts Venom down!! Venom looks like he's out cold from that! A reenergized Dave is going to the top rope!! This is not his territory!"

V.A.: "He's taking a long time to get up there, and Venom is up to catch him! Dave with a poor decision there, he needs to maintain a ground attack!"

J.S.: "You expect this guy to make anything BUT poor decisions? This is the kind of idiot that would punt on a first down!"

T.R.: "Venom flings him from the top rope and he lands halfway across the ring! Dave is really favoring his back now as Venom stalks his prey! He grabs Dave and nails him with a follow-through chokeslam!! A cover!! 1-2-Kickout!"

V.A.: "Venom calls that move the "Initial Strike" and this could be the beginning of the end for Berserker Dave!"

J.S.: "How do you know what all these guys' moves are called, do they e-mail you their special names?"

V.A.: "Shades, I did do SOME of my homework, unlike an unprepared buffoon such as yourself."

T.R.: "Venom pulls Dave up and he tries a Tornado DDT, but Dave blocks it!! I was amazed that Venom could actually do that and even more amazed that Dave blocked it!!"

TONY ROSS: "Dave shakes off the beating and Venom is hurt since he landed awkwardly on that arm! Dave grabs hold of that arm and starts twisting and pounding on it like a psycho! At least he's smart enough to know when someone's injured! Another big twist and Venom screams out in agony! Dave brings Venom to his knees from the pain!"

VICTOR ALVAREZ: "Dave seems to have some of his functions about him as he is really working on that arm!"

T.R.: "Dave brings him back to his feet and whips Venom in! Big shoulderblock and Dave goes to the opposite ropes! dave leapfrogs Venom and comes off the ropes with a flying forearm!! A cover!! 1-2-Kickout! Dave gets right up and pounces on Venom and they start rolling around on the mat pounding on each other! Dave gets an eye rake in and gets to his feet! He comes off the ropes and venom flips him right up and over the opposite ropes and Dave lands hard!!"

J.S.: "This guy worked himself into too much of a frenzy and now he's paying for it, let's see if this goon can get back into the ring to take more of a beating from Venom!"

V.A.: "Dave took quite a spill, but he looks to be OK as he hops on the apron!"

T.R.: "But Venom is right there to greet him!! He's going to suplex him back in!! No, Dave falls on Venom from mid-air and rolls him up!! 1-2-3!! Berserker Dave gets the huge win here in St. Louis and listen to this crowd!! They have really adopted Dave here!!"

V.A.: "Venom surprisingly got outsmarted by this wily brawler, and I see only success for Dave if he keeps up what he's doing!"

J.S.: "I think he's a lucky cementhead and Venom should kick his ass!"

T.R.: "Venom is just kneeling on the mat as he watches Berserker dave run wildly to the locker room, slapping hands along the way! Dave gets the win here at the FWF's first event, Gateway to a New Frontier! Fans, we will be back on ESPN2, right after this!"

(OUTSIDE CAMERA SHOT: The sun setting in the distance beyond the St. Louis skyline..graphic reads "MORE TO COME.....")

(FADE-IN: Several shots from earlier in the day outside the Kiel Center. The craziest fans are shown, including 3 guys wearing women's makeup with one of the letters M..W..G painted on each of their chests. Another shot shows some guy bodyslamming his friend into a garden enclosure. Some scantilly clad females are shown screaming for their hero, "Human Demolition Derby" Darren Macmillan. CUT TO: The inside of the Kiel Center, CUE-UP: "I'm Alone" by Nirvana)

PAUL KRAMER: "In our next match, coming to the ring, from the Rockefeller Psychiatric ward in Chicago, Illinois, weighing in at 199lbs., FERRIT FANATIC!!"

(Ferrit walks down to ringside talking to himself like Dustin Hoffman in the "Rain Man", holding his toy pony Pepe. The crowd gives the disturbed individual a good response. CUE-UP: "Sell Out" by Reel Big Fish)

P.K.: "And his opponent, from Los Angeles, California, weighing in at 255lbs., he is POP CULTURE'S SUPERHERO!! He is accompanied by the Lost Hanson!"

(The crowd erupts in boos as PCS and the Lost Hanson come to the ring with broad smiles. PCS is wearing black tights with the Pepsi logo on the back.)

TONY ROSS: "Here comes the human billboard!"

VICTOR ALVAREZ: "Superhero seems more interested in advertisement than wrestling, why didn't he get into that field?"

JAKE SHADES: "Because he would rather rid wrestling of mental midgets like this! Go get 'em PCS!"

T.R.: "There you see the Lost Hanson, and he certainly does resemble one of the famous pop singer's brothers!"

J.S.: "I wonder if he can carry a tune, unlike those three pubescent punks!"

V.A.: "Ferrit Fanatic is talking strategy to himself as PCS looks on, making sure that Pepsi logo is shown on camera! PCS is not very popular here in St. Louis!"

J.S.: "He's not here to win any popularity contests, he's here to SELL, SELL, SELL!!"

T.R.: "PCS attacks and Ferrit was not ready! He is savagely pounding away at him! PCS straightens him out in the corner and delivers some mean elbows to the throar followed by a big knee! He lets Ferrit fall to the mat and starts laughing at him! PCS turns to the crowd and starts taunting them and they respond in force!"

V.A.: "PCS had better pay attention because the Fanatic isn't exactly injured here!"

T.R.: "Ferrit is up and he demolishes PCS from behind with a clothesline! PCS never knew what hit him! Fanatic is now pounding away at the back of PCS' head and then he kicks him in the rear end, right in the Pepsi logo! The crowd eats it up!"

J.S.: "What the FWF needs to do is pit Ferrit Fanatic against that other loon Berserker Dave, so one can put the other out, unless PCS can take care of this basket case tonight!"

T.R.: "Fanatic pulls him up and he beel throws him by the hair!! PCS is in agony as he scrambles to the outside out to the Lost Hanson!"

TONY ROSS: "Hansonis comforting his man here and the Fanatic is running circles in the ring!"

VICTOR ALVAREZ: "He's going to wear himself out like that!"

JAKE SHADES: "Good! The less I see of this retard the better!"

T.R.: "PCS tries to get back in and Fanatic just knees him right off the apron! Pcs runs to the other side and rolls in quickly and he is able to catch Fanatic with a chop to the throat followed by an atomic drop! He hits a bulldog on Ferrit! Quick cover!! 1-2-No! PCS is now slapping Fanatic around on the mat and he drags him up by the hair and whips him in! Big dropkick! Fanatic flops into the corner and PCS shoulder rams him!"

V.A.: "PCS seems tohave forgotten about the crowd and has his mind set on destroying the Fanatic! Whoops I spoke too soon!"

T.R.: "PCS is now parading around the ring with his arms raised and wait a minute! Who is this running to the ring!? That's "Mr. Tuesday Night" Joe Van Damme!! I think he is allies with the Fanatic and he has seen enough! He goes after the Lost Hanson and levels him outside! Van Damme is now slapping the mat and he's got PCS' attention! PCS is over and yelling at him!"

V.A.: "This is going to give Fanatic the chance he needs to recover! He's up!"

J.S.: "Turn around Superhero, that cretin's gonna hit you from behind! Ohh!!"

T.R.: "Fanatic levels him and he flies right out in front of Van Damme!! Fanatic flops on the referee and it looks like he's drolling on him! What, is he having a seizure or something!?"

J.S.: "No, you idiot, he's distracting Fields so this Van Damme clown can put the boots to PCS! Where is Hanson!"

V.A.: "I don't believe the Lost Hanson is going to be of use to anybody right now, he's still laid out from that shot he took!"

T.R.: "Fanatic is still floundering on Stu Fields like he's having an epileptic fit! Now who's coming!? The crowd is reacting as oh, gimme a break!! It's Barney the dinosaur, Madonna Wayne Grossard's friend! This degenerate comes to the ring with that Barney mask o and he grabs Fanatic's toy horse Pepe and he's riding it around the ring!!"

J.S.: "Rossalini, Victoria...I've seen it all...I can now die. Is this what Lebron wnat for the FWF, a damn three-ring circus!?"

V.A.: "Ferrit sees what's happening and now he's going to get Barney off his horse! There he goes!"

T.R.: "Fanatic heads outside and he's after Barney! He's chasing him around the ring right past where Joe Van Damme is getting the boots put to him, and Stu Fields doesn't know what to do! He's out trying to get Van Damme off of PCS and.."

V.A.: "Tony, Madonna Wyane Grossard just came out from under the ring and leveled Ferrit with a lariat!! He really creamed him!" TONY ROSS: "Now Grossard picks him up and hits a modified Flame Thrower on Ferrit on the railing and he takes off like a bat out of hell!! Fields never saw it!!"

JAKE SHADES: "All right, it's about time someone gave that psychotic a taste of his own medicine! You go, Madonna!! Did you notice he was wearing a Pepsi T-shirt! I bet he and PCS are in cahoots!"

T.R.: "Gee, you think so?? We have total chaos here as PCS reenters the ring and Stu Fields is trying to to get Van Damme back to the locker room, Fanatic is laid out, and the Lost Hanson is somewhere in the vicinity!"

V.A.: "Let's not forget Barney, who took off with MWG! They did their damage!"

J.S.: "Now what!? Who is this guy!?"

T.R.: "Stu Fields is still out there trying to get Joe Van Damme out of here and this appears to be one of the FWF's recent signings, "Boy Toy" Beau Michaels!! He comes in from behind and levels PCS with a huge forearm from behind!! He quickly mounts the top turnbuckle and hits a 747 splash!! Oh my God, he just pulled PCS up and held him by the crotch as he powerbombed him!! What the hell was that!?"

V.A.: "It's the Groan of Pleasure! Beau Michaels has entered the FWF with a bang here and exceuted his finisher on PCS as Fields is still out there with Van Damme!!"

J.S.: "The Groan of Pleasure? I get that every night in bed with my...."

T.R.: "Shut up, Jake! Look at this now! Michaels takes a piece of paper out of the front of his trunks and places it on PCS' limp body! What does it say!? Can we get a closeup!?"

(The camera closes in and the paper reads "The Boy Toy" Beau Michaels....Cumming to a broad near you!")

T.R.: "How disgusting, I can't believe the FWF even signed this guy!"

J.S.: "Hey, the guy is open about his sexuality, so what!? It's the same thing when you dance around in your old lady's underwear when she ain't home, Ross!"

T.R.: "Zip it, Shades! Michaels is out of here and Van Damme finally leaves ringside and the Fanatic slowly crawls back in the ring, and he may have the win here against PCS, courtesy of the newcomer, Beau Michaels!"

V.A.: "I've never seen so much interference in one match from both sides in my life! Fields was helpless out there!"

J.S.: "No, Fields is just witless, get it straight!"

T.R.: "Fanatic crawls over and throws an arm over PCS!! Fields is back in!! 1-2-No!! PCS got a shoulder up!! Fanatic gets up and he pulls PCS to his feet! Ferrit tries a spinning heel kick and ohhh!!! PCS blocks it, and I don't even want to say how, because it hurts me to see it!!"

J.S.: "He rammed his fist in Fanatic's groin, I love it!!"

T.R.: "Ferrit is in immense pain as PCS takes him down and applies the Pepsi Differencem his version of the Dragon Sleeper! Fanatic has nowhere to go, and I think he is out!! Yep, Fields drops the arm three times! PCS gets the win in an interference filled match! We have to take a break!"

(FADE-IN: The camera pans across the fans at ringside and comes up on Paul Kramer in mid-ring)

PAUL KRAMER: "In our next match, coming to the ring, from Miami, Florida, weighing in at 263lbs., WAYNE ROBERTS!!"

(Roberts walks to ringside to a mixed reaction from the St. Louis fans, slapping a few hands here and there. CUE-UP: "Nobody's Fault" by Aerosmith)

P.K.: "And his opponent, from Boston, Massachusetts, weighing in at 245lbs., this is HELIX!!"

(Helix gets a huge pop as he comes down to ringside giving emphatic hand slaps and stopping along the way to get as many of the sea of hands as he can, all the while looking very serious)

TONY ROSS: "What a reaction here in St. Louis for Helix! The fans have really taken to this guy, especially after he finally turned his back on the gang he once ran with!"

JAKE SHADES: "Geez, another former gangbanger?? Is this a witness relocation program or a wrestling federation!?"

VICTOR ALVAREZ: "Both of these men are brimming with potential and what a great match this is going to be! this is the future right here, Shades!"

J.S.: "The future of what? The American Penal System? In that case, Bubba is getting a good look at his future lovers!"

T.R.: "You're a sick man, Shades, always looking at the negative side of things! Both of these men are now in the ring and are engagded in a staredown! These men have faced off in the past and are not happy with ach other at all! There's a quick lockup and Helix muscles Roberts into the corner but Roberts pushes Helix right down out of there!"

V.A.: "Roberts seemed to be bluffing him there and finally exploded with power!"

J.S.: "I noticed that Roberts wants to be the Carl Sandburg of the FWF! I think he should just stick to learning how to do armlocks and takedowns instead of pretending to be a talented poet! I've read Jehova's Witness pamphlets that were more interesting!"

T.R.: "You may be right on that count, but do not underestimate his talent as Roberts and Helix lock up again and Roberts applies a headlock! Helix tries pushing off but Roberts has a tight grip! He rams Helix head first into the turnbuckle! Nice move! Right back into the headlock but Helix gets an elbow in and escapes! Roberts takes a swing and ducks and Helix drops him with a meathook right!"

V.A.: "I don't know if Roberts should try and brawl with Helix, he's a street fighter from the ghettos of Boston and can hurt you in a hurry!"

J.S.: "I know what Roberts can do! I hope he has a poem stashed in his pocket so he can read it to Helix and put him into dreamland!"

T.R.: "Jake Shades is definately not a fan of Robert's poetry, as Helix kicks Roberts in the stomach and he nails a double underhook powerbomb!! Wow!! Big elbowdrop and a cover!! 1-2-Kickout! Roberts is slow to get up as Helix assists him to his feet and whips him in! Big armdrag!! Roberts gets right up and gets dropkicked right through the ropes!!"

VICTOR ALVAREZ: "Listen to this crowd! they are solidly behind Helix as he pumps his arms in the air and thengoes out after Roberts!"

JAKE SHADES: "That's it, just like a true babyface! Stand in the ring like a moron and play to the mindless idiots in the crowd!"

TONY ROSS: "May I remind you that those fans are the ones that pay your salary!"

J.S.: "No, Lebron is the one that signs my checks, as much as I hate to say it! I don't see all these pissants' signatures on my stub!"

T.R.: "Can you be any more nearsighted!? Helix has Roberts on the floor and rams him into the apron and Roberts fires back with several shots and Roberts gets his head bounced off the apron again! Helix dumps Roberts back in and climbs on the apron! Oh my!! helix sprinboarded over the top rope and clobbered Roberts with a thunderous clothesline!! 1-2-Kickout!"

V.A.: "I don't know how Roberts kicked out of that one, but I have to admire Roberts resilency! He needs to get it going here if he wants to get anywhere!"

T.R.: "Helis pulls him up and calls to the crowd! Roberts reverse elbows him right in the nose and that buys him some time! Roberts turns and kicks him in the gut and nails a nice piledriver!! Both men are out and this is time for Roberts to catch a breather!"

J.S.: "It's also time at home for you fans to wonder why you are watching this schlock presented by Lebron, Malec, and Mccann!"

T.R.: "Oh stop it, Shades! I'm not going to let you discredit the league that's paying your bills you fool! These fans haven't sat down since the opening bell!"

J.S.: "That's because two drunks are fighting in the mezzanine, are you blind?"

T.R.: "Roberts is up now and he knees Helix in the face! Big suplex by Roberts and he's going outside! What is he doing!? He's clearing off the timekeeper's table and he's going to bring it to ringside!! referee William Bennett is out there trying desperately to get him to stop!!"

V.A.: "Roberts tried this with Helix in another league before and was successful, let's see if he can do it here!"

J.S.: "Bennet's not doing a very good job of stopping this. And he's our biggest referee!"

T.R.: "I don't think size has anything to do with it, Shades, Roberts is just not following the rules and he's got that table set up the ring and Bennett pulls it away!! How many referees will you see do that anywhere else!! Bennett is laying down the law here in St. Louis! Roberts doesn't seem to mind as he pulls Helix up, puts him on his shoulders, runs, and tosses him headfirst outside onto the table!! Holy smokes!!"

V.A.: "Helix had some serious air time and he hit that table face first!! Bennett did not pull it back far enough and he's kicking himself for it!"

J.S.: "It's about time we see some real violence on this show! That was great! I hope Helix enjoyed that splinter sandwich!"

TONY ROSS: "Helix is in a world of trouble out there as he lies in the wreckage as Bennett has no choice but to start the count! Helix is not moving and Roberts breaks up the count and now he's arguing with Bennett!"

VICTOR ALVAREZ: "Hey, who are those guys that just came out of the crowd!?"

T.R.: "No, it can't be!! Helix is being attacked by his former fellow gang members!! What the hell are they doing there! It's Jones, Ren, and the rest of the goons!! There's 5 of them beating on Helix and wait!! Helis is up and he's fighting back!! Incredible!! After flying through a table headfirst, Helix is taking on these scumbags himself! The crowd is roaring its approval here! Finally security runs out and breaks this up, but not before Helix lays each and every one of these hoodlums out!! Bennett and Roberts are in the ring and can't believe it!!"

V.A.: "Tony, I think those guys were in the third or fourth row and they stayed inconspicuous waiting for Helix to finally appear out of the ring! I can't believe security didn't get to them sooner! Well, there they go as they get hauled out of here in cuffs!"

J.S.: "How did these thugs get 3rd row!? I couldn't even get upper deck for my friends!"

T.R.: "They probably used dirty drug money, Shades, and don't lie, you don't have any friends! Now, Helix has reentered the ring, bleeding and breathing heavy, but he looks completely energized as he stares a hole through the man who threw him out of the ring! Roberts backs into the corner as Helix rushes him maniacally!! Punches, kicks, chops, and elbows send Roberts into a quivering heap in the corner and this throng here is loving it!!"

V.A.: "Helix is feeling no pain now! he is completely liberated of that gang, and now he's going to try and finish Wayne Roberts!"

T.R.: "Helix yanks Roberts up and whips him into the corner and Helix gets too overzealous as Roberts got his knee up and caught Helix flush in the face! Roberts goes around and rolls him up tight!! 1-2-Ohh!! So close!! Roberts backs up and takes a breath and football kicks Helix in the ribs! Wow! Air guitar super kick!"

J.S.: "What the hell was that!?"

V.A.: "The air guitar superkick!"

J.S.: "Who does this guy think he is, Jimmy Page!? FINISH HIM and don't play around!"

T.R.: "Roberts covers!! 1-2-Ohh!! Again so close! Helix will not be pinned here as Roberts looks frustrated as he pulls him up! He's going for the double arm DDT!! No!! Helix blocks and shoves him into the corner! Roberts comes flying out with a clothesline and Helix grabs his arm and turns it into a crossface submission hold!! How did he do that so quick!! Roberts may tap out here!"

V.A.: "He's too close to the ropes, and Roberts grabs and holds for dear life!! The crowd thought that was it there!"

T.R.: "Roberts is favroing his arm as he tries to avoid the attack of Helix!! Ohhh! Helix caught him with a huge forearm!! He whips Roberts in! Tilt-o-whirl backbreaker!! 1-2-Kickout! Helix goes right back to the attack and stomps away at the head of Roberts! Roberts is on the ropes again and Bennett pulls Helix away and helix shoves Bennett!! Be careful here! Bennett will not take this!"

VICTOR ALVAREZ: "It would be a shame for Helix to lose by DQ like this! Both of these men have put on an incredible show here!"

JAKE SHADES: "Why is he still arguing with Bennett! Is he that dumb?? Roberts is back up!"

TONY ROSS: "Roberts clocks him from behind with a double axehandle and he slams him down followed by a quick elbow! Roberts comes off the ropes and misses a splash! helix gets to his feet quickly and backs into the corner and avoids a rushing Roberts!! Helix rolls Roberts up on the rebound!! 1-2-No!! Both men get right up and Roberts takes a mighty swing at Helix and misses! Helix plants him with a big reverse neckbreaker and slides right over and applies the STF!! He has an STF on Roberts, right in the middle of the ring!! Roberts holds out for as long as he can and he has no choice but to tap out!! That's it!!"

V.A.: "Helix gets an unbelievable win over Wayne Roberts after over-coming an unprecedented attack by 5 of his former gang members! How did he do it!? We'll never know! What a match!"

J.S.: "I feel bad for Roberts! He had the help of 5 rif-raff, and still couldn't beat Helix! I think Bennett should have disqualified Helix for pushing him, but I guess he didn't have the guts!"

T.R.: "You think Bennett was going to stop a great match because Helix has a temper! I don't think so, Shades! Don't ever apply for a referee's license! Fans, Helix goes back to the locker room victorious as this St. Louis crowd voices its approval tonight! Do not go away, bcause next is the Main Event!!"

(FADE-IN: The inside of the Kiel Center. Lights out. Smoke pours from the locker room entrance as multicolored strobe lights emanate from the sides of the entrance and above. The crowd is electric as darkness reigns)

PAUL KRAMER: "Wrestling fans, the moment you've all been waiting for, the MAIN EVENT of the Frontier Wrestling Federation's inaugural card here in St. Louis, Missouri!! Are you ready for the next FRONTIER!!?"

(The crowd roars in agreement. CUE-UP: "Hooker With a Penis" by Tool)

P.K.: "First, coming to the ring, from Highland, Texas, weighing in at 242lbs., MADONNA WAYNE GROSSARD!! He is accompanied by Barney the Dinosaur!"

(The crowd emits a volcanic eruption of boos as MWG makes his way through the smoke and lights wearing sloppy makeup on his face, wearing a Letourneau 4:69 T-shirt as Barney follows close behind taunting the fans. CUE-UP: "Guilty" by Gravity Kills)

P.K.: "And his opponent, coming to the ring, from Raleigh, North Carolina, weighing in at 200lbs., "THE HUMAN DEMOLITION DERBY" DARREN MACMILLAN!!"

(The crowd roars as Macmillan appears from the pall of smoke and lights, wearing fatigues and a Charlotte Hornets jersey. Macmillan looks genuinely surprised by the huge reaction and breaks into a jog to the ring, slapping all hands in his path)

TONY ROSS: "What a reaction for Darren Macmillan, the man they call the "Human Demolition Derby"! He is ready to go as he stretches out and keeps a careful eye on Grossard, who is evil incarnate!"

JAKE SHADES: "Ross, you don't know what evil is, Grossard is just a wrestler who does what it takes to win, and if he scares a few people along the way with the way he dresses and talks, then so be it! I personally hope he pounds this little pretty boy!"

VICTOR ALVAREZ: "This little 'pretty boy' as you like to put it, Shades, is coming out of the East Coast with a huge reputation! He had some spectacular matches in the defunct ACW and is known as one of the wildest daredevils in wrestling, right up there with Sage!"

J.S.: "Look what it got Sage! A crimson mask and a draw!"

T.R.: "Anyways, Grossard is at mid-ring shouting something at Macmillan, which obviously ticked him off and here we go!! Both men are kicking and punching at each other and Macmillan sweeps his leg and executes a quick flip splash on MWG!! MWG doesn't know what hit him as he scrambles for the ropes and Macmillan drags him right back to ring center and drops a vicious elbow!!"

V.A.: "Look at the speed in which Macmillan moves! He is like lightning in there!"

J.S.: "I think he's ON speed!"

T.R.: "Now you're going to accuse our wrestlers of taking drugs!? When will it stop!? Macmillan is giving MWG a savage beating here as Barney is doing what he can to distract William Bennett but he is ignoring him! What kind of man would dress up in a Barney mask?"

JAKE SHADES: "The kind that Joe Lebron likes to sign to the FWF! What in the hell is the matter now!?"

(The crowd starts reacting wildly as the announcer's strain to see ho is coming)

TONY ROSS: "Oh my good Lord!! Look who it is!! Look who's coming!! It's Brian Lawler!! This place has gone up for grabs as Lawler makes his way down to the ring and it looks like he's coming to our broadcast area!"

J.S.: "Oh noooo......"

V.A.: "What's the matter, Jake? Lawler not one of your favorites?"

T.R.: "MWG has taken control in the ring as Brian Lawler, the legend from memphis, joins us here at ringside! How ya doin' Brian!? Long time, no see!"

BRIAN LAWLER: "Hey, Rossy! Mr. Alvarez! How ya doin' Shadesey? I still see you haven't gotten that rug on top of your bald head cleaned up yet! I don't want to interrupt Grossard's match! I mean this guy is such a great jobber!"

(Lawler laughs and waves into the ring at Grossard as MWG stops kicking Macmillan and stares evilly at Lawler)

T.R.: "So to what do we owe this honor, Brian?"

J.S.: (under his breath) the hick probably had nothing better to do..."

B.L.: "Hey Shades, I heard my old buddy Flats got a job here too! He'll be sweeping up after the event so I thought I'd stop by and say hi!"

T.R.: "MWG is not happy with your presence here as he really takes it to the young Macmillan!"

B.L.: "Guys, I'm here for two reasons. One, I wanted to congratulate FWF president Lebron on his new league and to also give him this!"

(Lawler pulls out a beer opener)

B.L.: "He has a great beer commercial out now too, but tell him to use this, cause all that twisting will hurt an old man like him! Ha ha! No, really, I'm here to tell all these great FWF fans, the computer geeks, and the so-called wrestling smarts, that yes...the rumor is true....Bad Company has come to the FWF!!"

J.S.: "Oh great, and when you got Lawler here, that only means one thing.....that the Krusty the Kicago Klown is following shortly behind!"

B.L.: "'Fraid not, Shades, consider yourself lucky! He and I are taking care of business in the MRW, a place that you couldn't handle!"

T.R.: "Grossard pauses again and he's looking over her at you again, Brian, and he has some choice comments I'm sure!"

B.L.: "I've been watching this goof for a long time now, and I realize he's just another one of these young punks trying to emulate sickos like that guy Marilyn Manson, so I feel the need to take him out!"

J.S.: "You couldn't even take out the garbage, Lawler, the way your trailer reeks you would think you collect the stuff!" BRIAN LAWLER: "Just like you collect your own samples after a rough night with Righty and a Playboy!"

JAKE SHADES: "He can't say that!!"

B.L.: "I just did!"

T.R.: "Grossard pulls Macmillan up and whips him in! MWG misses a clothesline!! Macmillan comes off and grabs MWG in a spinebuster!! Macmillan collapses in pain and can't cover!"

B.L.: "Come on Macmillan, show this punk how it's done!"

J.S.: "You certainly couldn't! MWG would take your old ass and grind you into hamburger meat!"

B.L.: "MWG would probably do something else to my ass that I can't say here, but I know I'm going to kick his!"

V.A.: "So what you're saying is that you have definitely signed to the FWF?"

B.L.: "Is Shades a pain in the rearend?"

V.A.: "I'll take that as an emphatic yes!"

J.S.: "You're gonna have a pain the rearend when Grossard gets through with you!"

B.L.: "That's if he can get my pants down! Anyways guys, it's been a slice, I got ago! You'll be seeing me real soon!"

T.R.: "Ok, Brian, take it easy! Thanks for stopping in! Ohh!! Grossard just reversed a suplex and turned it into a brainbuster! And look, Lawler is up and over by ringside and he gets MWG's attention! MWG goes to the ropes and Lawler turns and slaps his rearend as if to say 'Kiss this'!! The fans are roaring as Lawler turns and exits and leaves through the crowd! MWG is incensed and Macmillan is up and he grabs Grossard from behind and rolls him up!! 1-2-Kickout!!"

J.S.: "That stupid redneck almost cost Grossard the match!"

V.A.: "Well, he shouldn't be over there jawing with Lawler in the first place!"

J.S.: "How could you resist not belittling that pompous idiot!"

T.R.: "MWG is in total anger now as he swings wildly at Macmillan and he misses and misses again and Macmillan hits a big dropkick!! Macmillan bounces off the ropes and hits a frankensteiner!! 1-2-No!! MWG is reeling now as Macmillan pulls him up and whips him in! Knee dropkick!! Macmillan is energized now!"

J.S.: "Yeah, thanks to that slack-jawed yokel!"

V.A.: "If Macmillan wins here, you can consider him the favorite to win the FWF National Title!"

T.R.: "Macmillan hops up to the top rope and goes for a headbutt!! Ohh, MWG just barely out of the way!! Macmillan is feeling the effects of that as MWG goes to the corner and is consoled by Barney! MWG is back up and he grabs Macmillan and hits a gourdbuster! Big move!! 1-2-No!"

V.A.: "It's amazing how the tide has turned in this match!" JAKE SHADES: "It's amazing how much of a difference crap-kickin hillbilly can make in a match!"

TONY ROSS: "Oh knock it off, you make it sound like MWG already lost! What in the world is this!! MWG has Macmillan in a Testicular Claw!! Good Lord that has to be painful.."

VICTOR ALVAREZ: "And is disgusting at the same time!"

T.R.: "Macmillan broke free! He wanted no part of that hold! Macmillan ducks a forearm and goes around nails a jumping German release suplex!! Wow!! Macmillan is just laying there as MWG favors his neck! Macmillan begins slapping the mat trying to get the fans into this and they respond in force! This crowd has been maniacal since Lawler made his appearance!"

J.S.: "Everybody just loves him, don't they! Well I can't stand that goofball, and if he ever shows up here again, I'm gonna leave my bootprint where his brain is...in his a-.."

T.R.: "Macmillan is up now and he grabs Grossard by the hair and hits a snap suplex! Now he's going for a piledriver! No!! Grossard blocks it!! He flips Macmillan back and ohh!! Macmillan holds on and is trying to sunset flip him!! Grossard drops down right on Macmillan!! 1-2-just barely got a shoulder up! MWG picks Macmillan up and whips him in, MWG tries a clothesline and misses!! Macmillan comes off with a body press!! MWG catches himin mid-air and turns it into a stun-gun, or almost a Flame-Thrower, his stun gun from the top!! A cover!! 1-2-3!! Oh no!! Grossard gets the win!!"

J.S.: "Ok, I want to hear you two jerks say how Grossard overcame incredible adversity by shaking Lawler's distractions off and getting the win, huh?"

V.A.: "MWG wasn't exactly attacked by 5 men Shades, but I will give him credit, that was a gigantic win in this main event!"

T.R.: "That's not enough for MWG, fans! He's dragging Macmillan to the outside and Barney comes up and he has a pair of handcuffs! What is he doing!"

J.S.: "We all know that MWG is into S+M...."

T.R.: "Barney handcuffs Macmillan to the railing outside and now he's headbutting Macmillan with that Barney mask on!! Who knows what is under that thing besides a sick individual! This is terrible! Macmillan does not deserve this! Barney pulls out a bottle from under the ring! What is it!!?"

V.A.: "It appears to be rum, and I hope they don't plan on doing what I think they're going to do!"

J.S.: "Nothing like a gin-soaked post-match celebration!"

T.R.: "Oh no!! He's pouring it all over Macmillan's face and into his mouth!! This is sickening!! Macmillan is going to choke on his own vomit here if this keeps up!! get some security out her! Now MWG has a microphone! He can be barely heard over the intense booing!"

MADONNA WAYNE GROSSARD: "Hey everybody, check it out! Like father, like son!!!"

T.R.: "That is obviously a reference to Macmillan's suppsosed alcoholic father, and this has gotten way out of hand!!"

TONY ROSS: "Wait a minute, the crowd is reacting here..but for what!? Oh my!! It's Brian Lawler!! He's coming back to the ring!! Lawler is coming back to help!!"

JAKE SHADES: "Why can't this pea-brained mudsucker keep his nose out of other people's business!!??"

T.R.: "Here he comes, he's behind Barney and he hits him with the Memphis Blues piledriver on the floor!! MWG turns and sees what's happening and he drops the bottle and backs off!! here comes security finally and Lawler can't get to Grossard, but he did get to Barney!"

V.A.: "Lawler is being held back as he seems hell-bent on getting to Grossard! Macmillan isbeing unlocked and he looks a terrible mess! That was totally uncalled for!"

J.S.: "Hey, if his father was an alcoholic, why not join him!? We all know Lawler is an alcky, he just got jealous because Macmillan was hogging all the rum, that's why he's here!"

T.R.: "Only in your warped reality, Jake! Well, Macmillan is being carried out here as Lawler is assisted out by St. Louis police officers and security, as MWG gets the rough treatment from some officers as well, and he deserves it! He could have poisoned Macmillan! And Barney is still laid out, and even that mask couldn't protect him from the floor!"

V.A.: "The fans are still buzzing here as the wrestlers are escorted out, and all I can say is, wow, what a first night for the FWF!"

T.R.: "Fans, we hoped you enjoyed the first of many FWF events here on ESPN2! Our next event will be in Kansas City at the Kemper Arena so if you can't be there, be sure to watch on ESPN2! For Victor Alvarez and the always annoying Jake Shadesa, so long from St. Louis!"

J.S.: "Ross, you mock me one more time I'm gonna....."

(CUE-UP: "Shoot to Thrill" by AC/DC. ROLL CREDITS. CUT TO: Highlights of the evening. Sage's thrilling somersault bouncing from the top rope onto Michael Kerrigan, Frankie Casillas getting powerslammed by D-Ball, Golem scoring the win over Butch Clampett, Reign Chancellor almost gorilla pressing Apocalypse, Grand Theft nailing Nostradamus over the head with a chair getting himself DQ'd, Beau Michaels hitting the Groan of Pleasure on Pop Culture's Superhero, Berserker Dave biting Venom, Helix fighting off his ex gang friends, and MWG hitting Darren Macmillan with a stun gun...FADEOUT)