Bradley Center - Promoter Scott Malec
(The screen is black. CUE-UP: "Crazy Train" by Ozzy Osbourne. An FWF logo expands on the screen until it fills it up and explodes. As the music changes chords, highlights of the Total Conquest PPV are shown, including the two title matches with Helix, Berserker Dave, and Seek and Destroy collecting all the FWF belts. Then, the shot switches to the inside of the Bradley Center in Milwaukee, Wisconsin. 15,000 people have gathered and are screaming wildly as the camera continues to switch shots to the beat of "Crazy Train". Many fans are shown holding signs, including "BREW CITY LOVES THE FWF", "GIVE GOLEM THE CHAIR", "WHERE'S MWG?", and "SHADES IS A SISSY". An obviously inebriated group of overweight shirtless men with cheesehead caps are shown with their chests painted with the letters H-E-L-I-X. The shot switches to an overhead view of Downtown Milwaukee and the lakefront as Tony Ross voices over)
TONY ROSS: "Fans, welcome to the first edition of the Frontier Wrestling Federation's Battleground TV program on ESPN2! I'm Tony Ross and I am joined by Victor Alvarez and the ever-irritating Jake Shades! We are here in Milwaukee, Wisconsin at the Bradley Center and this crowd is psyched!" (Camera switches back inside the arena and the crowd is shown on its feet as the end of "Crazy Train" kicks in. "We have three huge title matches tonight and they should be quite competitive!"
VICTOR ALVAREZ: "That's right, in the Main Event, the consumate professional, the ex-gang member who has seen the light, Helix, will take on the wild and unpredictable Golem, who almost murdered Nostradamus with his deadly clawhold at Total Conquest '98 in Chicago!"
JAKE SHADES: "It couldn't have happened to a better guy!"
T.R.: "Also, Berserker Dave will defend his newly acquired Frontier Title against Jean Rabesque, another well accomplished wrestler who has his sights set on gold!"
J.S.: "That's going to be the match I take my bathroom break during! I can't stand either of those pansies!"
T.R.: "Also, some major superstars have been signed by the FWF and we will see them sometime tonight in action or in interviews! I can't wait for that! We will also see the return of Pop Culture's Superhero! Seek and Destroy will battle X-Rated for the tag team belts!"
V.A.: "That will be an interesting battle as well, Seek and Destroy have been doing nothing but preparing for this match, while X-Rated continues to create sickening displays of pornography! I have to go with Sage and Macmillan!"
J.S.: "Hey, if you got it, flaunt it! And that's what X-Rated is good at! I think Clynt Taylor and Erotic Evans are going to show Sage and Macmillan what wrestling is all about! How long can Sage carry that babyfaced goofball Macmillan anyway!? *I* can wrestle better than he can!"
T.R.: "I highly, highly doubt that, Jake! I think VP Scott Malec may have to put you in your place again! Henry Goldwire will take on Billy Matthews, Michael "The Dragon" Kerrigan will tangle with "Child Prodigy" Johnny Havens in a falls-count-anywhere in the Bradley Center match! Also..."
V.A.: "Tony, the crowd is reacting to something! Wait, who is that at the locker room entrance!? He has a microphone in his hand and hold on a second here! That's....."
VICTOR ALVAREZ: "......'RAGE O' FIRE' JARED WELLS!!!"
(CUE-UP: "Ghost of Tom Joad" by Rage Against the Machine. Wells is wearing light blue Silver Tab jeans, tucked in white collared shirt, and has his hair all styled as the fans react loudly. Wells jumps into the ring and gets up on the ropes and raises his hands in the air as the fans cheer him. He has a mic)
"RAGE O' FIRE" JARED WELLS: (looking around) "The people
want to know what is the RAGE doing here in the FWF? Ya
know I've traveled all over the world and wrestled all over
the globe, and I've beaten the best. But 1998 was nothin'
but a flop for me. First, starting with the WWL closing its
doors, second, WAR being a piece of trash federation that
doesn't know what to do with their talent. Then I joined
the almighty IWC. This was the goldmine for Javid Dones
because he had a star casted roster. I jumped aboard of
maybe the greatest thing of my career. I was wrong. I went
out and won a battle royal and later that night should
have beat the IWC United States Champion. Of course,
Michael Sparks beatme that night because he couldn't do it
on his own. So I challenged him for a title match and the
bastard turned me down. But then out of the blue Carlos
Canyeta came out...a man who hasn't done anything since the
UWA. He told Sparks to defend the title against me. So
Sparks did, but he 'didn't do it because I deserved it', he
said. It was 2 outof 3 falls and of course I got the first
fall. But the match was so screwed up Sparks had everybody
he could help him. Sean Edmunds screwed me over in that
match because he was my backup and just couldn't cut it.
Shane Southern, he's another piece of crap who can't keep
his mouth shut. Name it, the big names were involved in
that match. So I lost that night and the next day its
signed as Mike Sparks against Carlos Canyeta for the US
Title. What the
(Wells throws down the mic and gets a huge response, half boos and half cheers. He walks slowly down the aisle and soaks up the massive reaction he has generated.)
TONY ROSS: "Wow! I had heard the rumors, but I guess it's true! I didn't think it would be tonight, but "Rage o' Fire" Jared Wells is here and he's ready to take out all comers!"
VICTOR ALVAREZ: "What an acquisition for the FWF! Wells is a seasoned veteran and a great wrestler, and he should fit in well with the stars of the FWF! I'll consider that a direct challenge to Helix and the National Title! We'll be right back!"
(The screen comes back to the Bradley Center in Milwaukee and does a quick pan of the crowd before centering on Paul Kramer)
PAUL KRAMER: "In our first match of the night, coming to the ring," (CUE-UP: "Stop Being Greedy" by DMX) "From New York City, weighing in at 270lbs., VENOM!!"
(The crowd reacts with mostly boos as Venom walks to the ring, with no expression, wearing black baggy jeans)
P.K.: "And his opponent," (CUE-UP: "Sell Out" by Reel Big Fish) "From Los Angeles, California, weighing in at 255lbs., POP CULTURE'S SUPERHERO!! He is accompanied by The Lost Hanson!" (the crowd pops big with mostly boos as PCS comes to the ring with a big smile on his face. He is wearing a Marlboro jacket with a Mountain Dew shirt on underneath, Adidas shorts, an Allied Van Lines cap, and his wrestling boots have big Nike logos on each one)
TONY ROSS: "Pop Culture's Superhero gets a not-so-welcome back here from the fans in Milwaukee! As you may have heard, PCS was injured in his match with Helix in Kansas City, and had to take a couple of weeks off!"
VICTOR ALVAREZ: "He seems to be coming over here, Tony!"
(PCS comes to the broadcast table and grabs a headset)
PCS: "Hey guys, how ya doin! What are ya drinkin' there? I hope it's Pepsi! It IS the choice of a new generation!"
JAKE SHADES: "I got Pepsi, but with a little extra zip!"
PCS: "Hey Jake, I caught your show and I just wanted to let you know, it's not Pop Culture's SuperHOE, it's Pop Culture's Superhero! And I would like some of your advice that you were willing to give!"
J.S.: "How much you willing to pay?"
PCS: "Oh, I thought it would be free..."
J.S.: "Nothing's free in this world, man. We'll work something out after the show. Hey, look out!!"
T.R.: "Oh my!! Venom got tired of waiting for PCS to quit fooling around and he just smashed him from behind! Oh wow is he delivering a beating to PCS, and listen to the Lost Hanson squeal for help! Why doesn't he do anything if he's so concerned!?"
V.A.: "PCS hasn't even gotten his promotional gear off yet! Well, there goes the hat!"
J.S.: "I feel bad now, PCS may be mad at me for distracting him and now he won't pay me for advice! Oh well, that's what he gets for coming over here!"
T.R.: "Venom throws him into the ring and rips his Mountain Dew shirt and now he's choking him with it! Venom is intense here and looks like he has the fires of Hell in his eyes! Ohh!! He snaps PCS's neck with the shirt as he throws him to the ground! Referee Sal Putz gets rid of the shirt and now Venom is choking him!"
J.S.: "I think I'm gonna have Venom pay me for advice! This kid's got TONS of potential! Choking people rules!"
V.A.: "Venom does have a definite mean streak, but why in the world would he pay YOU for advice, Jake? What makes you an expert of wrestling?"
JAKE SHADES: "I didn't say I would advise him about wrestling!"
TONY ROSS: "Yeah, only in lying, stealing, and being an all-around crook!"
J.S.: "Tony, keep talking like that and they're going to have to feed you through your anus!"
T.R.: "Empty threats as usual! Venom continues his assault on PCS! He pulls PCS up and whips him in! Ohh!! What a clothesline here in the opening match in Milwaukee! We've already seen the arrival of "Rage o' Fire" Jared Wells and we are in for more surprises! And I think PCS is a little surprised by this assault here! He is reeling! Venom has a chinlock submission on but PCS somehow manages to get to the ropes!"
J.S.: "Why didn't he choke him!? He wouldn't have had the energy to get to the ropes if he choked him! Damnit, I have to teach this kid a thing or two!"
T.R.: "I can't wait to see the look on your face when Venom turns you down! This man doesn't want ANY help from ANYONE! And he doesn't need any help now as he rips into PCS with kicks and stomps by the ropes and Sal Putz tries to get Venom away, and Venom is now staring down the referee!"
V.A.: "Keep an eye on the Lost Hanson, I think he just handed PCS something!"
T.R.: "What is it!? I can't tell! PCS kicks Venom in the shin and dumps him through the ropes to the outside and now the Lost Hanson is on the apron yelling at Putz! What is this little clown doing! Venom and PCS exchanging rights and lefts and ohhh!! PCS had a roll of quarters! PCS labeled him with a roll of quarters on the outside! And look at this! I don't believe it!!"
V.A.: "PCS is PICKING UP all the quarters that he hit Venom with!!"
J.S.: "Ha ha ha!! I guess that vacation PCS had wasn't a paid one! The three FWF misers couldn't spring for one of their best wrestlers! It figures! Hey Lebron, open your eyes and open your wallet!"
T.R.: "PCS has all the quarters picked up and now he rolls Venom in the ring! Hanson jumps off the apron knowing the deed has been done! Swinging neckbreaker!! And PCS immediately slaps on the "Down Right Refreshing" dragon sleeper!! Forget it, Venom isn't even conscious! Putz drops the arm three times and PCS gets the cheap win, and I say cheap because it only took 3 dollars in change to do it!"
J.S.: "Hey, PCS got the job done and that's all that counts! I'm going to see if we can work out a deal now!"
(Shades takes off his headset and walks into the ring with PCS)
T.R.: "What is this moron doing! Shades and PCS are talking now and look! They're all leaving the ring together! Don't tell me that PCS is going to accept his offer!"
V.A.: "Tony, you know Shades will make his money any way he can get it! I heard Malec makes him work for free so Shades can avoid going to jail for breaking into his office a few months back!"
T.R.: "You're kidding! Well, we'll see what happens with Shades when he comes back!"
(The camera comes back from commercial and shows various scenes of fans entering the Bradley Center before the card. One guy has makeup exactly like Sage and his friend is wearing a Charlotte Hornets jersey like Darren Macmillan. A group of well-endowed females are shown and they are screaming for their respective favorite wrestlers. A little kid is shown holding up a sign that reads, "BERSERKER DAVE IS MY DAD" The camera switches to Paul Kramer)
PAUL KRAMER: "Milwaukee, are you ready for the United States Frontier Title match!?" (crowd roars) "First, coming to the ring, the challenger," (CUE-UP: "Shapes of Things" by the Jeff Healy Band) "From Montreal, Quebec, weighing in at 245lbs., JEAN RABESQUE!!"
(The crowd cheers as Rabesque comes to the ring in his normal wrestling tights. He slaps a few hands and is focused on the ring. He gets to the apron and raises his arms high as the crowd reacts)
P.K.: "And his opponent," (CUE-UP: "Machinehead" by Bush) "From Dallas, Texas, weighing in at 250lbs., he is the FWF United States Frontier Champion, BERSERKER DAVE!!"
(The crowd roars as Dave charges to the ring in a full out sprint wearing nothing but torn jeans and old tennis shoes. He bounces off the apron, the belt falls off his shoulders, and he runs along the railing slapping all the fans hands. He narrowly trips over the steel steps and runs around the entire ring like this. He retrieves his belt and holds it up high)
TONY ROSS: "The Frontier Champion makes his usual electrifyingly wild entrance and Jake Shades has rejoined us! So how much did he settle for, Jake?"
JAKE SHADES: "Who? PCS? I'm not at liberty to discuss that."
T.R.: "Why not?"
J.S.: "I refuse to discuss the business deals that go on between PCS and I. It's simply none of your business. Now call this match between these two fan fondling goofs!"
T.R.: "I'll take that as a no from PCS! But what a match we have here and check this out! Dave walks right up to Rabesque and offers a handshake with a big smile on his face! Dave is in a great mood tonight and Rabesque has a weird look on his face as he shakes and here we go! The two men begin to circle each other and Dave is already trying to get the crowd on his side!"
VICTOR ALVAREZ: "I have to believe that fan support is going to be split right down the middle for these two! Many fans like Rabesque's no-nonsense style, but many others like Dave's unorthodox wildness!"
J.S.: "I hope they both fall out of the ring and die."
T.R.: "Is there a kind word in that cold, calculating head of yours, Shades? You're wishing death on these men?"
J.S.: "Why not, they were both born with birth defects! Dave is retarded and Rabesque has no genitals!"
T.R.: "I wish somebody would pull the plug on him already! Rabesque has Dave in a headlock and Dave escapes and pushes Rabesque into the ropes and he comes off with a clothesline and uh oh!! Dave landed right by the ropes where the ESPN2 cameraman is and look out! Dave is freaked! He scampers across the ring only to be kicked in the gut by Rabesque!"
JAKE SHADES: "And you want somebody to pull the plug on ME? What about this brain dead bozo!?"
TONY ROSS: "You know what? I think Dave is smarter than you, Jake! He never got caught snooping in anybody's office and he sure as hell never spent the night in a Kansas City jailhouse!"
J.S.: "Let's not bring that up!"
VICTOR ALVAREZ: "Rabesque is going to continue to capitalize on Dave's mistakes! Dave has to forget his phobias and forget about the fans, or he's going to lose!"
T.R.: "Rabesque is punching Dave in the corner and Dave fights back! Big rights and lefts! Look at them whale on each other, they are very evenly matched! Dave grabs Rabesque and spins him into the corner and now he works Rabesque over! Dave backs off and Rabesque falls face first on the mat!"
V.A.: "Dave is playing to the fans now and you cannot do this with Rabesque, he will make you regret it!"
J.S.: "He's making me regret ever taking this job, which forces me to sit through terrible matches like this!"
T.R.: "Who are you kidding!? You didn't "take this job"! You had no choice! Dave puts the boots to Rabesque but he grabs Dave's boot and flips him back and Dave lands right on his skull! Ouch! Rabesque slowly to his feet and he pulls Dave up and whips him in! Nice dropkick! Rabesque drops a quick elbow and covers!! 1-2-kickout!"
V.A.: "Rabesque almost surprised Dave there but he managed to escape! Dave needs a quick breather now!"
J.S.: "What he doesn't need is a lobotomy, it's obvious that's already been done!"
T.R.: "Rabesque pulls Dave right back up and slams him down! Rabesque comes off the ropes and hits Dave square in the nose with a knee! Dave is really feeling the effects of that one! Rabesque slaps on a headlock and dave is flailing around wildly to escape!"
V.A.: "Rabesque isn't dumb, he's using the ropes to block Dave from getting there!"
J.S.: "Yeah, he's pure genius, Joe the FWF janitor could have told you that!"
T.R.: "Now you're insulting good old Joe!?"
J.S.: "I never insulted him, I'm just making a comparison!"
T.R.: "Whatever! Rabesque lets off and buries his knee in Dave's back and goes right back to the headlock! Many fans are chanting Dave's here as Rabesque tightens the headlock even more! Look! Dave is trying to pry Rabesque's arms off! He's almost got it! He did it! Dave gets to his feet and Rabesque sweeps his legs! But Dave grabs Rabesque's tights and they go down together, swinging at each other! This is going to turn into a brawl!"
V.A.: "As scientific a wrestler Rabesque is, he can brawl with the best of them, and dave is one of the best brawlers around!"
TONY ROSS: "Look at these two go! Ohh! Dave hit Rabesque so hard he fell through the ropes! Dave is on the apron! He's going to try and hit Rabesque! He goes for an elbow! Ohh!! He got out of the way! Dave smacks the floor hard! Rabesque is up slowly and runs Dave into the post and rolls him right back into the ring! Rabesque is going to go for the figure four now!"
VICTOR ALVAREZ: "No, it's too early, Rabesque has got to work on the knee more, and Dave kicks him away!"
JAKE SHADES: "I thought you said Rabesque was smart!"
T.R.: "Rabesque has more brains in his left...you know what...than you have in your head!"
J.S.: "Just say it Tony, testic...."
T.R.: "Rabesque is persistant and he goes right back to the attack! He's kicking at Dave's knee but Dave gets to his feet! Dave is fighting back and he headbutts Rabesque!! Rabesque goes down like his lights just went out! Dave splashes and covers!! 1-2-No!! So close! Dave is winded now as he pulls Rabesque up and yells to the crowd! He whips Rabesque in and a reversal! Dave comes off the ropes and Rabesque ducks down! Ohh!!! Dave just kicked a field goal with Rabesque's head! Wow! A quick cover! 1-2-No!!"
V.A.: "I'm surprised that didn't knock Rabesque out! Dave got full extension on that kick!"
J.S.: "This idiot had better keep on him and stop playing to the fans, or I'm going in that ring myself and pounding on him!"
T.R.: "Jake, Dave would kick your rearend inside out! Dave pulls Rabesque up and suplexes him! Nice move! He's going to go up top! The U.S. Frontier Champion is climbing the ropes and Rabesque looks to be in a daze! Ohh!! He dives right into Rabesque's boot! Dave came down face first like he was going to head butt him!"
V.A.: "Dave is not known for his aerial tactics and that was shown right there! Both men are down and out!"
T.R.: "Rabesque rolls over and covers! 1-2-Ohhh!! So close again! These two warriors are giving it everything they got here! Rabesque somehow struggles to his feet and he goes for the figure four again! Dave kicks him away again!"
V.A.: "Dave has very powerful legs and it's going to be quite a task to get him in that hold! Rabesque should think up a new strategy!"
J.S. "Why doesn't he just retire! He's past his prime and reliving old glories!"
T.R.: "Are you nuts! Rabesque is still a young lion in this sport and has infinite potential! Rabesque looks frustrated as he gets Dave to his feet and atomic drops his knee! Rabesque comes right off the ropes and kicks him in the back of the knee and it buckles! Dave is down and Rabesque drapes the leg across the ropes and calls to the fans! They respond strong! He kicks at the leg and Dave yells out in pain!"
V.A.: "Maybe if Rabesuqe works on the legs for awhile, maybe he'll be able to slpa it on, but it's going to take a lot of work! Dave will not allow that hold on easily!"
TONY ROSS: "Rabesque drops a leg on the knee of Dave and he is really in trouble here! Rabesque elbows Dave right in the face and now he's going for it!! There it is!! He slapped in on so quickly Dave had no time to react!"
VICTOR ALVAREZ: "Tony, Dave is fairly close to the ropes, he may have a chance of getting there!"
JAKE SHADES: "If the big dummy even knows where he is!"
T.R.: "Both of these men are spent here and Rabesque has Dave locked in tight, but Dave spots the ropes and starts faliling wildly to get there! He's almost dragging Rabesque along and he's almost there! Dave is in incredible pain and he makes it!! He made it and Rabesque breaks the hold! Rabesque is totally frustrated now and he pulls Dave up to his feet and whips him into the corner! Ohhh!! Dave comes charging out with a monster clothesline and levels Rabesque!! Both men are down!! Listen to this crowd! Both men are getting huge support here in the home of the NBA's Bucks!"
J.S.: "Yeah, a bunch of drunken cheeseheads screaming for a lunatic imbecile and a Quebec queer! I've never seen a bigger gathering of morons in my life!"
T.R.: "How appropriate that you are in attendance!"
V.A.: "Berserker Dave is really wincing in pain here, I think his leg is badly damaged! He's trying to stand but he can't!"
T.R.: "Rabesque staggers to his feet and takes a swing and Dave ducks! Dave spins him around for an atomic drop and nails him! Rabesque is reeling and Dave hops up on the top rope, favoring that knee!! He jumps with an axehandle and Rabesque catches him square in the ribs! Dave lands awkwardly on his knee!! Oh, Dave is in serious pain now and Rabesque sees his opportunity! He jumps on Dave and rolls him up in a small package!! 1-2-3!! Rabesque got him!! Rabesque is the new FWF U.S. Frontier Champion! Dave was too weak to kick out! His leg must have been numb from the pain!"
V.A.: "What a display of wrestling these two have put on! Rabesque is having trouble catching his breath as he waits for his belt!"
J.S.: "I knew this maniac was a fluke! One defense and he loses the title! And he loses it to an even bigger a$$hole! I can't stand this French-Canadian fruit cake! Oh look at this! I want to puke!"
T.R.: "Rabesque has been handed the title and now he's helping Dave to his feet and he can hardly stand up! What a show of sportsmanship here! Dave has really taken his knocks in the FWF, especially after having a camera destroyed over his head at the last PPV! Rabesque gets Dave over to the paramedics who are at ringside to attend to Dave! What a match and we have a new U.S. Frontier Champion, Jean Rabesque! This crowd still hasn't sat down!"
V.A.: "Tony, this was a good representative of what a good FWF wrestling match is all about! I hope to see more action like that!"
J.S.: "Somebody assassinate Rabesque!"
T.R.: "We'll be back from Milwaukee on ESPN2!"
(The show comes back from commercial and we see a large semi-trailer truck going down an expressway. The skyline of Chicago can be seen in the background as the signs above the truck reads I-90/94 NORTH KENNEDY EXPY-WISCONSIN-KEEP LEFT. The truck heads north on Interstate 90-94 to its next destination, Milwaukee, Wisconsin. Several stops on the FWF road show are shown including autograph signings in Kenosha and Racine Wal-Marts. Helix and Seek and Destroy are shown pleasing the youngsters of SE Wisconsin. The truck is shown entering Milwaukee City Limits and Henry Goldwire is shown talking to fans at the Milwaukee Admirals IHL hockey game. Pop Culture's Superhero is shown standing in front of the Miller Brewing Company with a Miller Lite T-shirt and High Life cap with a big smile on his face. Berserker Dave is shown peeling out a brand new Harley Davidson Fat Boy he just purchased in front of Harley's National Headquarters. FWF President Joe Lebron and his VPs, Scott Malec and Eddie McCann are shown shaking hands with the owners of the Bradley Center and the head of the Milwaukee Park District. The camera switches back to the inside of the Bradley Center and centers on Paul Kramer)
PAUL KRAMER: "In our next match, coming to the ring," (CUE-UP: "Something Like a Phenomenon" by LL Cool J) "From Elizabeth, New Jersey, at a combined weight of 595lbs., "REDMAN" RAUL DIAZ and "LORD TERROR" ABDULLAH BLOOD, THE NEWARK ASSASSINS!!"
(The crowd boos as the two men walk down to the ring, grooving to the music, both wearing Nike nylon pants. CUE-UP: "Sad But True" by Metallica)
P.K.: "And their opponents, from Compton, California, at a combined weight of 485lbs., BRIAN TAYLOR AND KIRK WILLIAMS, THE NATION OF INNOVATION!!"
(The crowd doesn't know how to react to the two men, one of them is somewhat serious, while the other one acts goofy all the way to the ring. They play air guitar with the chairs they brought and when the pause in "Sad But True" hits, both men act like somebody cut the song off)
TONY ROSS: "Well, here is some of the new talent we told you about tonight! This is our first look at the Nation of Innovation, and they are a promising high flying young team!"
VICTOR ALVAREZ: "They are rookies of the sport, but word out of the FWF training center says these guys are risk takers and heartbreakers!"
JAKE SHADES: "Are these guys really from Compton? I mean come on now, how many wannabes does the FWF need? Aren't these two clowns who aren't even from Newark enough?"
T.R.: "Oh, you're going to get on that Newark kick again, huh? All your connections there dissaprove of these guys, right? Here we go! The Assasins strike first and hard and knock both members of NOI out of the ring! They turn their backs and celebrate to the crowd, but NOI jumps on the apron and they jump on the ropes! Twin Asai moonsaults!! Did you see that!!?? How did they change their positioning in mid air like that coming off the ropes!! Incredible!"
V.R.: "Normally, an Asai moonsault is done coming off the ropes in reverse, but these guys changed direction in mid air after hopping on the ropes!! Impressive! That really got the crowd going!"
J.S.: "Big deal! I know a couple of Pandorians that can do that in their sleep!"
TONY ROSS: "Oh you mean they do sleep!? I thought all Pandorians stayed up all night thinking of doing acts of violence!"
JAKE SHADES: "Typical prejudicial ignorance, Ross, wait until I tell JC!"
T.R.: "JC's in enough trouble as it is, I don't think I have to worry about him! In the ring! Williams and Diaz have started off and Diaz is still reeling from the moonsault! He whips Diaz in and nails a perfect hurracanrana! Into a rollup!! 1-2-No!"
V.A.: "NOI wants to put this one away quick!"
J.S.: "Good! I can't wait to see Golem tear Helix apart like he did that loser Nostradamus!"
T.R.: "Williams still in control and he drops Diaz neck first on the ropes! Diaz fights for air as Williams drags him right back up and whips him into NOI's corner! Taylor gets a few hits in and is tagged! here comes the big Abdullah Blood to break this up! Ohhh!! He went for an avalanche and Williams put Diaz in the corner and bailed out and Blood his his own partner!! The crowd eats it up! Blood takes a swing at Williams and Taylor dropkicks the big man out of the ring! Wow!! 345lbs. right out to the floor! Taylor pulls Diaz up and whips him in! Wow!! Corkscrew elbow in midair!"
V.A.: "The Nation of Innovation is exactly that! We are seeing moves never done before! They may be the team to beat Seek and destroy!"
J.S.: "I hope somebody Seeks and Destroys Sage and Macmillan because I'm sick of them too!"
T.R.: "We know! Diaz is getting killed in there and Blood makes it back to his own corner! Taylor pulls Diaz up and he hops on the rope and flips right off with a knee to the face!! Wow!! A cover!! 1-2-No! Taylor runs to the corner and tags in Williams! Taylor puts Diaz on his shoulders and Williams comes off!! Here comes Blood!! Ohh my!!!"
V.A.: "Williams was going to perform a hurracanrana on Diaz off Taylor's shoulders but Blood tackled Taylor from behind!! Williams landed right on his neck!"
J.S.: HurricanCACA! That would have been impossible! He still would have hurt himself!!"
T.R.: "Blood broke up what could have been a death defying move and the crowd is letting their displeasure be known! Diaz is back on his feet and he drops on Williams with a pin! 1-2-No! Williams is holding on to his neck for dear life, he landed right on it! Diaz stumbles to the corner and tags in Blood!"
J.S.: "This guy looks like he just ate about 5 sides of spare ribs!"
T.R.: "If that was the case, his stomach would have been a little full to perform that sidewalk slam he just nailed on Williams!! He pulls him right back up and yells at the crowd and they respond with boos! Blood whips Williams in and hits a devastating powerslam! Wow! Blood is up and he comes off the ropes for a big splash but Williams just barely rolled out of the way!"
V.A.: "That would have been it for Williams because there's no way his smaller frame could sustain that blow!"
JAKE SHADES: "Why doesn't Blood just sit on him? Maybe gas in his face! That'll put an end to this match in a big hurry!"
TONY ROSS: "That is disgusting! Blood methodically pulls Williams up and sets him up! Could this be a powerbomb!? He has Williams up, oh my!! Williams slipped free and drove Blood's head straight into the mat!! What a reversal! The fans react and Williams begins the desperate crawl to the corner!"
VICTOR ALVAREZ: "He's got a long way to go, but Blood may be dazed just enough for him to make it!"
J.S.: "He'll make it, the good guys always make it! Don't you know that by now!?"
T.R.: "He's almost there! Blood is up but it's too late! Taylor quickly hops up on the turnbuckle and nails Blood square in the jaw with a spectacular missile dropkick!! Taylor goes right back up top and waits fro Blood to get to his feet!! Williams takes out Diaz! Oh wow!! Williams comes off and hits a neckbreaker in midair on the 300 pouder!! 1-2-3!! Just like that, it's over!!"
V.A.: "He calls that the 'Compton Neckbreaker' and he took the Newark Assasin right out, and the West Coast beats the East Coast in this one! This team is primed for superstardom! Sage and Darren Macmillan had better watch out for these guys!"
J.S.: "We'll see what happens when they face a real team! Oh wait, there are no real teams in the FWF, so it should be an easy road for them!"
T.R.: "Not if you have anything to say about it, right Jake? Well fans, we have a message from Vice President Scott Malec and he will come out and address everyone!"
J.S.: "What does that incompetent alcoholic want now! Why can't he just stay up in the pressbox where he belongs!?"
(FWF VP Scott Malec emerges from the curtain wearing a simple black business suit. He gets mostly cheers as he climbs into the ring as the chant of "JAAA-AAAKE! JAAA-AAAKE! JAA-AAAKE! YOU SUCK!!!" emanates from the crowd. Paul Kramer hands him the mic)
SCOTT MALEC: "If you have been paying any attention the last few weeks, there has been friction between the Frontier Wrestling Federation and the Millenium Wrestling Federation. This is a natural rivalry since we started up at around the same time and JC and I have a history of problems. JC has accepted my proposition and both of our companies' next Pay-Per-View will be a combined effort." (Crowd roars) "So, I will now propose this. The FWF's next PPV is scheduled to be at the Joe Louis Arena in Detroit, Michigan, and if JC and Michael Motta Jr. agree on this site, then that is where it will be. I also propose this....in the main event, the FWF National Champion, currently Helix, will face MWF World Champion, currently Black Diamond. (crowd roars again) The FWF United States Frontier Champion, currently Jean Rabesque as of tonight, will face the MWF secondary belt holder or their number one contender. And when the MWF decides their tag team champions, they will face the FWF National Tag Team Champions, cuurently Seek and Destroy. Then, 3 MWF matchups and 3 FWF matchups will take place, evening out the card. The MWF and FWF will face off 3 times head to head that night. The offer is on the table MWF, I expect to hear from you soon." (Malec hands the mic to Kramer as the crowd reacts to the proposal. fade to commercial) (The camera comes back from commercial and does a quick pan around the crowd. Suddenly, the camera switches to the announcing team as Tony Ross has just been handed a note)
TONY ROSS: "Fans, I have just recieved a note from the locker room, and apparently, both the Newark Assasins and the Nation of Innovation have been attacked! We have a camera back there now and we will see who it is!"
(The shot switches to the back and we see the Newark Assasins and the Nation of Innovation lying in separate areas on the floor, seemingly knocked out. Two men are standing in between them)
VICTOR ALVAREZ: "Hey! That's Ferrit Fanatic and "Mr. Tuesday Night" Joe Van Damme!! What the hell are they doing here, they no longer work for the FWF!"
JOE VAN DAMME: "Well, well, well, everyone thought we were gone from the FWF, and to tell you the truth, Joe Van Damme and Ferrit Fanatic ARE gone from the FWF!"
T.R.: "What??"
JVD: "That is correct, because me and the man who was one of the final 4 teams in the tag team battle royal at the PPV, myself and Ferrit Fanatic, are going back to our true roots. You can now call me Joe "Super Flyin'" Turner.
FERRIT FANATIC: "Yeah, and I guess that would now make me Frank "Psycho" Turner. That makes us the Turner Corporation! Since we were so dominating in the tag team battle royal we challenge Seek and Destroy or whoever the tag team champions are next week to a Tag Team Title Match. Let's see how much of a man you guys really are!"
(The camera switches to the announcing team)
T.R.: "Joe 'Super Flyin' Turner!?? Frank 'Psycho' Turner?? Do these guys have an identity crisis!?"
V.A.: "Joe Van Damme and Ferrit Fanatic have changed their names and their focuses and they want Seek and Destroy, and they proved it by laying out both Newark Assasins and the Nation of Innovation in the back! I think the Turner Corporation has more to worry about than the tag team titles!"
T.R.: "They're going to have to wait in line and win some matches first, as is the FWF policy!"
JAKE SHADES: "Not if they slip Lebron enough money under the table! How do you think Rabesque got the Frontier Title shot?"
T.R.: "He earned it you imbecile! He was in the Top 5!"
J.S.: "And how did he get in the Top 5? By being Lebron's Sugar Daddy, that's how!"
T.R.: "You know, one of these days, I'm just going to cut your cable off, Jake Shades should not be seen OR heard!"
J.S.: "The backlash of all my fans would be too much for you to handle, Ross!"
T.R.: "Ok, we've heard the stunning announcement from VP Malec and we've seen the emergence of the Turner Corporation! What next!? We still have a long way to go folks, so don't go anywhere!" (The camera comes back from commercial and focuses on some poeople holding various signs including, "SHADES IS JC'S LOVE SLAVE", "MILWAUKEE HATES KERRIGAN", "FWF ACTION, IT'S FA-A-A-NTASTIC"< and "IT DOESN'T HURT, IF YOU KNOW THE SECRET")
PAUL KRAMER: "Our next match is Falls Count Anywhere in the Bradley Center! First, coming to the ring," ("CUE-UP: "Next Mutherf!cker" by Marilyn Manson" "From Detroit, Michigan, weighing in at 257lbs., "CHILD PRODIGY" JOHNNY HAVENS!!"
(The crowd boos as Havens makes his way to the ring trying to get approval and gets none)
P.K.: "And his opponent," (CUE-UP: "Real Solution #9" by White Zombie) "From Toronto, Ontario, weighing in at 225lbs., MICHAEL "THE DRAGON" KERRIGAN!!"
(The crowd reacts loudly with mostly boos, and Kerrigan comes to the ring wearing long black tights with a WAR logo crossed out on the rearend. He has a few choice words for some taunting fans)
TONY ROSS: "Neither of these men are very popular and now they get to tear into each other to the delight of the crowd!"
VICTOR ALVAREZ: "Kerrigan has been having problems with FWF VP and WAR President Eddie McCann, saying he doesn't know how to treat his wrestlers."
JAKE SHADES: "This is getting so obvious! These guys are complaining because they don't get paid! Lebron wants to reward these guys with bogus vacations to dive hotels in the barrios of Miami, and pay them in peanuts! It's getting ridiculous! This place is almost at capacity and the three amigos are hoarding all the cash! And the NBA thinks it has a problem!"
T.R.: "Shades if you had any credible sources, I would believe you, but Kerrigan's problem is not a money one, it is a respect problem! And he's going to take it out on Havens, whos is just getting assaulted with spin kicks and deadly chops! This is Falls Count Anywhere in the Building!"
V.A.: "Kerrigan can beat you in so many ways! He can take you out with an aerial assault, or with a ground based martial arts attack! He can also flat out wrestle, but he has an attitude problem!"
J.S.: "Victoria, if you didn't kiss Lebron's ass so much, you would have the same problem! Kerrigan won't stoop to your level!"
T.R.: "Kerrigan dumps Havens over the top rope and the "Child Prodigy" is offering no resistance! Kerrigan is out for blood and these two have had problems in WAR! He bludgeons Havens with axehandles! Havens has the height and weight advantage butb that is not a factor right now ! Kerrigan runs Havens into the railing and they almost take out some fans!"
(A fat Wisconsinite throws his half empty beer in Kerrigan's face and he almost takes a swing at the guy)
J.S.: "Talk about alcohol abuse! And I thought the people in Chicago were dumb! I thought these beer and sausage people worshipped their liquor! We need to get back to the East Coast and quick!"
TONY ROSS: "I'll have you know I grew up just outside Milwaukee and these people have more class than you'll ever hope to have!"
JAKE SHADES: "My condolences!"
T.R.: "Kerrigan continues to batter Havens as they go up the aisle and remember, this is perfectly legal! Kerrigan drops Havens with a well-placed chop!"
V.A.: "As much as Kerrigan is hurting Havens, he still seems to be pre-occupied, as if this Mccann situation is really bothering him!"
T.R.: "Kerrigan lifts Havens up and he slams him in the aisle! He kicks him a couple of times and pins him! 1-2-Havens kicks out! Kerrigan pulls him closer to the back and drills Havens in the neck with a swift savate kick! Havens can't breathe! He sets Havens up!! Oh Lord!! He piledrives Havens on the concrete!! He could permanently injure Havens here!"
J.S.: "Go 'Dragon' Go!! Show these stuffed suits what you're all about and that you mean business!"
T.R.: "Kerrigan slaps on the Dragon Sleeper and that's it, Havens was already out! Referee William Bennett calls for this slaughter to end, and Havens may be finished here!"
V.A.: "I've seen Kerrigan intense before, but I've never seen him try and permanently injure somebody like that! Kerrigan has some serious issues to deal with and they may stem from Eddie McCann!"
J.S.: "Yeah, and his dusty wallet!"
T.R.: "Havens is being placed in a neck brace by some Milwaukee EMTs and we may be seeing the end of the career of Johnny Havens! Let's hope he's all right!"
J.S.: "Stop trying to be sincere, you could care less!"
T.R.: "A lot more than you! Fans, we'll be back after this!"
(The camera comes back from commercial and is on the three announcers at ringside)
TONY ROSS: "Fans, I am told that we have some very special guests coming up but I admit that I have no idea who it is!"
JAKE SHADES: "Do you ever? You don't even know who YOU are sometimes!"
T.R.: "So, without further delay, I guess...well...let's get them out here!"
(CUE-UP: "Millenium" by Killing Joke. The crowd jumps to its feet and cheers)
T.R.: "Oh my!!"
(The Birds of Prey come through the curtains and the crowd pops. The B.O.P symbol flashes in the ring and down the walkway. All three Birds, Falcon, Condor, and Shrike, are dressed in casual clothes and they climb in the ring and seem to be in awe of the reception they are getting in Milwaukee. Condor walks over and lays his hand out and Paul Kramer hands him the mic)
CONDOR: (looks over the crowd) Well....I must say..things are kicking in Milwaukee tonight! (crowd erupts) I must tell you, it feels great to be here infront of all these fans, and it feels great to be here in the FWF!" (pop)
FALCON: "We've been gone from the area for awhile, and we've had promotions all over the world trying to lure us in..some promised titles...some promised money...but none of them had fans like here in the FWF!" (another pop)
(Falcon hands the mic to Shrike and the noise level rises. Shrike stands there with a huge grin)
SHRIKE: Now this is fun...." (pop) "You know, there's been a definite lack of good tag teams lately, and the ones that are decent think they're a lot more than they are simply because there is no competition around. Well, that's all about to change...because boys....THE BIRDS ARE BACK!!" (Huge pop and Shrike points to the camera) "And all you punk ass kids out their running around like you're all that, it's time you stepped up and seen what a REAL tag team is all about!" (pop) "It's time to to step up and get in the ring with the tam that has SET the standards for going on two decades and about to go into our third. the team that has won more titles in more leagues than you have all ever wrestled in...The team that all these fans want to see....The team....(settles down)..the team, boys....that is about to come in here and turn your world so upside down your children will be born dizzy! We're not hard to find. In fact, stay where you are, we'll find you!!"
(The crowd reacts loudly as the Birds leave the ring and go back to the locker room slapping as many hands as they can)
T.R.: "The Birds of Prey are back! And they're in the FWF!"
J.S.: "Should I alert the President!? Who cares! Those guys are so overrated, they write all their own press releases and they make up the wrestling leagues they supposedly won titles in! Just what we need, another fan butt-kissing team!"
T.R.: "Fans, we will be back on ESPN from Milwaukee!"
(The camera comes back to the arena and most of the crowd is still on its feet. The camera pans across to Ring Announcer Paul Kramer)
PAUL KRAMER: "In our next match, coming to the ring," (CUE-UP: "Something Like a Phenomnenon") "From Elizabeth, New Jersey, weighing in at 275lbs., "THE EXTREME" JOHNNY GUNNZ!!"
(Gunnz comes to the ring wearing nylon Nike pants and scowls at the crowd, stopping and exchanging words with a group of fans)
P.K.: "And his opponent," (CUE-UP: "The Dope Show" by Marilyn Manson) "From Miami, Florida, weighing in at 263lbs., WAYNE ROBERTS!!"
(Roberts walks to the ring expressionless and doesn't even look at the crowd as they cascade him with boos and catcalls)
TONY ROSS: "Well we're all set to go here in our next match, and I'm still reeling over the arrival of the Birds of Prey! I thought I'd never see them in the ring again!"
VICTOR ALVAREZ: "The tag team scene has suddenly become hot overnight! We have the Birds of Prey and the Nation of Innovation appearing tonight, along with the reappearance of Ferrit Fanatic and "Mr. Tuesday Night", or should I say the Turner Corporation, and throw Seek and Destroy, X-Rated, and the Newark Assasins in there and you have quite a division!"
T.R.: "I've also been hearing rumors of ANOTHER tag team set to be signed by the FWF, but right now it's just rumors and speculation!"
J.S.: "Hey idiots! There's a match going on here!"
T.R.: "Yes indeed! Wayne Roberts and Johnny Gunnz are tangled up in the corner and Gunnz gets some knees in to break that up and he follows it up with a leveling clothesline! Gunnz calls to the crowd and they show their non-support!"
V.A.: "Both of these men have been known to be cocky, but Gunnz is the more focused of the two, he has not had the roller coaster of a career that Roberts has had!"
J.S.: "What's his gimmick this week? I didn't hear a new nickname when Kramer announced him."
T.R.: "Maybe the FWF gave up on using his nickname because itchanges so often! But right now, Roberts is getting stomped on in the corner and he pulls Roberts up and whips him into the other corner and avalanches him! He assists Roberts to the mat by throwing him down by the hair!"
V.A.: "Gunnz is showing a vicious streak, and that may be what he needs to get a win here in the FWF!"
J.S.: "That and a good dose of talent that the Lord did not bless him with!"
T.R.: "Roberts is fighting to his feet and Gunnz rakes the eyes and slams Roberts down and he follows immediately with a fist drop! 1-2-Kickout! Gunnz slaps on a chinlock to wear Roberts down a little more!"
V.A.: "This will be effective because he has Roberts in the middle of the ring!"
TONY ROSS: "Roberts is struggling to stand up and he's almost up! He's up and he drops Gunnz right down chin first on the top of his head!! Roberts broke that hold rather effectively! Roberts collects himself and backs into the ropes and measures Gunnz with a forearm to the side of the head and Gunnz falls into the corner! Roberts goes in after him kicking and stomping!"
JAKE SHADES: "Gunnz better call on his suburban New Jersey, I mean NEWARK Assassins to help his sorry ass out, because Roberts is stomping a new one in him! If Roberts' mind wasn't so screwed up, he would have a lot of potential be one of Shades Squadron!"
T.R.: "Shades' Squadron???"
J.S.: "Yeah, you know, the guys I only find worth watching, like Golem and PCS!"
T.R.: "I should have guessed! Roberts pulls Gunnz out of the corner and hooks him up! Brainbuster!! Wow!! he really drove him in and a cover! 1-2-Gunnz gets a leg on the ropes! Gunnz somehow had the presence of mind to avoid that pin!"
V.A.: "You don't see that too often with the younger wrestlers, but Gunnz knew where he was and he saved himself!"
J.S.: "He's gonna need more than the ropes to save him! Maybe divine intervention!"
T.R.: "Roberts looks frustrated as he pulls Gunnz up and snaps him down with a belly to back! Roberts runs his fingers across his throat and he stands Gunnz up! Superkick! No!! Gunnz drops down and sweeps the leg nicely!"
V.A.: "That almost looked like martial arts move there, I didn't know Gunnz was schooled in those disciplines!"
J.S.: "He's not! But he does enjoy a good bowl of Cream of Sum Dung occassionally!"
T.R.: "Sounds like a tasty treat! Gunnz jumps on top of Roberts and begins to pummel him with fists and elbows! Roberts rolls him over and takes advantage! Now they'r tied up in the ropes and Roberts is kicked out of the ring! Gunnz rolls out after him!"
V.A.: "That's exactly what Roberts wanted because he was right there waiting for him!"
T.R.: "Ohhh!! Double chop to the throat from Roberts! Gunnz is desperate for air as Roberts grabs him by the hair and whips him head first into the steel steps!! Roberts goes up on the apron! What's he going to do!? Ohhh!!! Roberts clothesline him right back into the steps and Gunnz is in serious pain!"
V.A.: "Roberts waited for Gunnz to get up in front olf those steps and he leveled him! Roberts almost hurt himself in the process!"
T.R.: "Roberts shakes off the effects of that dive and he pulls the limp body of Gunnz up and rolls him back into the ring! Roberts walks around the ring with his arms raised as if he's already won!"
J.S.: "Pin him, you fool! He's not gonna lay there all night!"
VICTOR ALVAREZ: "I think Gunnz is already out cold! Roberts may have nothing to worry about!"
TONY ROSS: "He pulls Gunnz up and plants him with a double arm DDT!! He could have struck oil the way he buried him!! Forget it!! 1-2-3!! Roberts gets the big win on his way to the top of the FWF!"
V.A.: "All Roberts needs to do is focus and not worry about the fans or any gimmicks and he can make it to the top of this sport! He may need some guidance, which Shades may be willing to offer him for a price!"
JAKE SHADES: "Roberts needs a shrink, not a stategical wrestling genius!"
T.R.: "OK, fans, I have received word that we will be receiving a visit from Golem right now! Let's check out what he has to say!"
(CUE-UP: "God Bless the Bums" by Comeshot. Golem emerges from behind the curtains to receive a thunderous response of boos. The man with green body hair walks to the ring yelling at the fans along the aisle and faking a swing here and there. A cup hits him in the chest and he looks around as if he has a chance of finding who threw it. He enters the ring, pushes Paul Kramer down, and takes the mic)
GOLEM: "Sorry about that Kramer, that's a real pity, but I'm here to discuss this whole Nostradamus/ Claw Hold/ World Title Match/ Golem situation. Now, first of all, I feel NO remorse for the whole Nostradamus thing. I believe he deserved what he got. He knew what I was all about when he went into the match. He knew I was "heartless", he knew I was "savage". President Lebron spent plenty of time sharing that with all of us. Secondly, I am most certainly NOT going to go with any type of insanity plea. I am ready to take full responsibility for my actions. I just hope the judge can see the humor of the whole situation. [a sadistic grin creeps across Golem's face from cheek to cheek] I mean, when you think about it...[chuckles for a little bit]...it's funny. Now what is this crap baout President Lebron making The Claw illegal? I mean, come on! You know, I've been using this move for a long time and no one has ever made it illegal before, maybe the FWF isn't EXTREME enough to handle it. I have a World Title match tonight, and the opponent will be Helix. Now Helix, honestly. Do you think you can succeed where so many others have failed? The only way you will win is by my hand, and that is the truth and nothing more. Take it for what it is.
(Golem drops the mic and walks away, laughing maniacally)
T.R.: "Golem doesn't want to plead insanity? That man may speak somewhat intelligently, but he is in no way in control of himself! He almost killed a man last card and he shows no remorse!"
J.S.: "That is what I LOVE about the guy! He comes in, kicks some serious tail, almost ending a life, and he doesn't care about it! It's just another day of work for Golem! I can't wait until he bursts Helix's head open like a damn grapefruit!"
V.A.: "Jake, you know as well as we do that Golem CANNOT use the Claw Hold any longer, because of that incident last week!"
J.S.: "I forgot about Lebron's sissy rules! That's OK, because Golem will still hand Helix his ass in a bag! I can't wait!" T.R.: "We'll be back!"
(The camera comes back from commercial and Helix is shown sitting in his private locker room, taping his wrists, saying nothing, and looking toward the floor. A monitor is on and it's obvious that he's seen what Golem had to say. Helix, never looking up, kicks the door shut with his foot, and the camera focuses on the sign on the door, MILWAUKEE BUCKS-NO ADMITTANCE. FADE-TO: The Bradley Center and Paul Kramer standing in the ring)
PAUL KRAMER: "In our next match, coming to the ring," (CUE-UP: "Mary Jane's Last Dance" by Tom Petty) "From Phoenix, Arizona, weighing in at 283lbs., HENRY GOLDWIRE!!"
(Goldwire walks to the ring slapping hands to a good pop. Most of the fans have accpeted Goldwire for who he is, a solid worker with no fancy gimmicks. He climbs on the apron and raises a fist in the air and the crowd responds)
P.K.: "And his opponent, coming to the ring," ("Unforgiven" by Metallica) "From Chicago, Illinois, weighing in at 201lbs., BILLY MATTHEWS!!"
(Matthews gets a good response from the crowd after seeing his PPV performance, but no one is ready for what they see as Matthews comes from behind the curtains. The crowd almost goes silent in shock as Matthews is wearing a flower-print sundress, pink boots, and lipstick. Many people are laughing at this and Goldwire has a wide-eyed look on his face)
TONY ROSS: "Fans, I am speechless! I don't believe what I am seeing! Billy Matthews, a promising youngster who had a great match in his hometown of Chicago at Total Conquest '98, is coming to the ring in a dress! I know he has problems at home, but I guess they're a lot worse than I thought!"
JAKE SHADES: "Ha ha ha!! I didn't know Matthews pitched for the other team!! He looks so pretty, I might make him my girlfriend! I wonder what his street value is!?"
T.R.: "This kid has serious problems and you want to turn a profit off of it!? Now I know what a lowlife you are!"
V.A.: "Look at Goldwire, I don't think he even wants to wrestle Matthews and I don't blame him! What in the..."
T.R.: "Matthews just blew Goldwire a kiss and this infuriated Goldwire!! Oh no, I hope Goldwire goes easy on this poor guy! He doesn't have his head right, in no way! Goldwire has 70 pounds on Matthews as he plows into him and rips the dress off of him!! Oh no!! Oh...whew!"
J.S.: "At least this little queer has wrestling tights on underneath that thing instead of panties! That would have made this whole get up!"
T.R.: "You're really enjoying this aren't you!? Goldwire manhandles Matthews into the corner and works him over! Huge fists and elbows! Matthews crumples to the mat and now Goldwire is asking referee William Bennett what is wrong with this kid! Willie looks just as stunned as all of us!"
V.A.: "We've seen the dysfunctional family Matthews belongs to, with his abusive brother Brian! Those problems have brought themselves into the ring with this display!"
T.R.: "Goldwire almost hesitantly pulls Matthews up and whips him in! Ohh!! Big clothesline and Matthews does a flip in midair! Goldwire just stands there with his hands on his hips, trying to figure this out!? He seems to be asking the fans!"
JAKE SHADES: "Too bad Jeffrey Dahmer isn't still alive, he would have loved this kid, this being Dahmer's hometown and all!"
TONY ROSS: "That may have been the lowest, most disgusting thing that has ever left that cess pool you call a mouth! Shut up and let me and Victor call the match!"
J.S.: "Just making an observation, Ross, no need to get your pantyhose all bunched up, like Matthews! Ha ha!"
T.R.: "Goldwire continues to stare out at the crowd and then he pulls Matthews up and whips him in! Matthews ducks under a reverse elbow and comes off the ropes with a flying body press! Goldwire caught him!! Wow!! Matthews slides under him and rolls him up!! 1-2-Ohh!! Close! Both men get right up and Matthews with a nice arm drag right into a headlock! Matthews has come alive here!"
V.A.: "Maybe Goldwire knocked some sense into him with this attack! I only hope that Matthews can clear his problems up and become the man he was again!"
J.S.: "Yeah, before another man wants to become one with him!! Ha ha ha!!"
T.R.: "It's never going to end, Vic, never.....Goldwire powers out of the headlock but Matthews elbows him in the stomach and a nice snap mare and now he has a surfboard hold on Goldwire's back! Goldwire is yelling and I don't know if it's in pain or frustration! Matthews stands up and kicks him in the back of the neck! Ouch! Goldwire gets up and Matthews hits a nice reverse neckbreaker!"
V.A.: "Matthews may have forgotten his gender but he has not forgotten how to wrestle, that is obvious!"
J.S.: "It's also obvious that Matthews is a BACK DOOR MAN!! Ha ha ha ha, somebody stop me, I'm killing myself!"
T.R.: "GOOD!! Matthews climbs the ropes and he goes for a moonsault!! What air time!! Ohhhh!!! Goldwire got his knees up and Matthews never saw it coming! The air has just left Matthews body! Goldwire slowly gets up but Matthews is smart enough to roll out of the ring and try to catch his breath!"
V.A.: "Goldwire has been known to brawl and if he goes out there, Matthews is in serious trouble! I hope he can still run!"
J.S.: "Sure, he has plenty of room between his legs!! Ha ha ha!!"
T.R.: "Goldwire does indeed go out after him and Matthews runs around the ring and Goldwire charges after him! Matthews comes to a halt and does a reverse flip onto Goldwire!! Wow!! Goldwire never expected that! Would you look at this!"
V.A.: "Matthews is SKIPPING around ringside as he celebrates his move! This is really sad!"
J.S.: "(singing)...Tiptoe....through the tulips! This guy's got nothin' on Tiny Tim! I hope Malec isn't watching this because he may be tempted to make Matthews one of his b*tches tonight at the hotel room! Oh wait, I forgot, Malec won't pay the wrestlers, so I'm sure he won't pay for pleasure! Maybe Lebron is game!"
T.R.: "Shades, he is going to dot your eye again and you're going to wonder why!" TONY ROSS: "Goldire rolls into the ring and Matthews hops up on the apron and Goldwire charges and knocks him right off! Wait a minute! Who is that!?"
VICTOR ALVAREZ: "That guy approaching Matthews is his brother Brian! How in the world did he get to ringside! Where is security! He's grabbing a chair!"
T.R.: "Get that away from him!! Oh no!! Matthews own brother whacks him in the head with the chair as Matthews lay on the floor! Here comes FWF security! They swarm Brian Matthews and slap on the cuffs and haul him out!"
J.S.: "Awww! They should have let him splatter this fruitcake's head all over the floor! Then you could send it in the mail to his mom for Christmas, if he even knows who his mother is!"
V.A.: "Brian Matthews is fighting security hard to get at his brother, but no way he is breaking through that! They haul him away and hopefully he'll spend the night in jail!"
T.R.: "In the ring, Goldwire is just staring at this and doesn't know what to do! Bennett is laying down the count and Goldwire goes out to get him because he does not want a countout win, he wants a pinfall!"
J.S.: "You know, I've hated this jerk ever since he cost me money at the PPV and let down MWG, and now he's going to get a win handed to him by a dysfunctional pair of morons! Once again, there is no justice!"
T.R.: "Goldwire rolls him into the ring and rolls him up!! 1-2-ohh!! 2 and a half!! How in the world did Matthews kick out! I guess he had enough time to clear the cobwebs from that chair shot! I believe Matthews is opened up but he is not quitting and I have to admire that, cross-dressing or not!"
J.S.: "If Goldwire doesn't put this flame away right now, he will never be taken seriously again!"
T.R.: "Why? Because Matthews is fighting back? Did you expect him to lay down!? Goldwire gets Matthews to his feet and he places him on the top rope! Could this be a superplex!? He has him hooked! Wait! Matthews punches him and Goldwire loses his grip! Hurracanrana from the top rope!! Wow!! That may have been Matthews last hurrah because he is not moving, but neither is Goldwire!"
V.A.: "Bennett is administering the mandatory 10 count, as neither man is moving, and I can't believe Matthews is still in this match, with a man the stature of Goldwire!"
T.R.: "Matthews throws an arm over Goldwire!! 1-2-Kickout! Both men slowly get up at the same time! Goldwire takes a swing and Matthews ducks, grabs the arm, and rolls him with his whole body! He follows that with a quick dragon screw leg whip!! Matthews runs to the corner and comes back with a handspring elbow!! He has his second wind! Matthews is going up top!!"
V.A.: "Matthews is bleeding and still really feeling the effects of the earlier attack of his brother! Will he be able to perform a move from up there!"
J.S.: "Well, if the kid trips and crotches himself on the turnbuckle, we'll know that it won't hurt that much!"
T.R.: "Matthews leaps!! A flying body press!!"
TONY ROSS: "Goldwire catches him!! Oh my!! He plants him with a thunderous powerslam!! Goldwire doesn't pin him! He wants to make sure he's out this time and he applies the Lights Out! This it!"
VICTOR ALVAREZ: "Matthews is fighting it hard, he doesn't want to quit! Wait, Goldwire has him down to one knee!"
JAKE SHADES: "Give it up, kid, you can wrestle around with men in a more pleasurable way later on!"
T.R.: "Zip it!! Bennett raises his arm once.... ....twice.....three times and that's it! Bennett calls for the bell and Goldwire has put Matthews out, but what a match! Matthews really put up a fight, but I still don't know why Matthews would act the way he is! Are his brother's actions driving him to this!?"
V.A.: "Tony, if you remember one of his interviews, Matthews mentioned that his aunt had a way of blocking things out, and that was playing dress-up! I think that is where this attitude came from!"
J.S.: "So his aunt liked to dress him up like a sissy boy? I wonder what else she did to him, maybe...."
T.R.: "We DON'T want to hear it Shades! Look at Goldwire, he's just staring down at Matthews and he turns to the fans with a puzzled look on his face! Goldwire certainly did not expect this and neither did the 15,000 people here at the Bradley Center!"
J.S.: "Well, a add drag queen to the gangbanger wannabes, escaped mental patients, criminals, porn stars, and degenerates of the FWF, and you have quality family programming! Good job, Lebron!"
T.R.: "We will return after this on ESPN2 from Milwaukee, Wisconsin!"
(Golem is shown in his locker room exercising his right hand with a large pair of grips. His meaty hand tenses with every grip, and Golem notices the camera and shoves it right out of the room) (The camera comes back from commercial and more people with signs are shown, including "SOMEBODY HIT SHADES", "WILL WRESTLE FOR BEER", one sign has Cartman from South Park dressed in Helix's gear, and a little kid is struggling to show off his big poster of Jean Rabesque. The camera pans the fans at ringside, who are practically falling over the railing to get on TV. CUT-TO- Paul Kramer in the ring)
PAUL KRAMER: "Our next match is for the FWF National Tag Team Titles!!" (crowd roars) "First, coming to the ring," (CUE-UP: "Boy Toy" by BIB) "The challengers! From Harding, Kentucky, weighing in at 217lbs., "XXX" CLYNT TAYLOR!! And his partner, from Tampa Bay, Florida, weighing in at 324lbs., "TRIPLE E" EROTIC ERIC EVANS!! They are X-RATED!!"
(The crowd boos as the duo approaches the ring, both wearing G-string like wrestling tights and leather vests. Both men have an arm around two gorgeous scantilly clad women. They get to the ring and the two women take their vests and give them a long passionate kiss as they rub X-Rated's rearends. CUE-UP: "More Human Than Human" by White Zombie)
P.K.: "And their opponents, from Raleigh, North Carolina, weighing in at 200lbs., "THE HUMAN DEMOLITION DERBY" DARREN MACMILLAN!! His partner, from Seoul, South Korea, weighing in at 183lbs., SAGE!! They are the National Tag Team Champions, SEEK AND DESTROY!!"
(the crowd roars as the two men walk briskly down the aisle, high fiving as many hands as they can. They get to the ring, point at X-Rated, throw the belts down, and attack)
TONY ROSS: "Oh my!! The champions are wasting no time hereas they fly over the ropes and attack X-Rated! They have to be the lightest tag team champions in history!"
VICTOR ALVAREZ: "Indeed they are! But they make up their lack of weight with a ton of aerial maneuvers and speed! Listen to this crowd!"
T.R.: "Sage arm drags Taylor over the ropes and they both double dropkick the big man, Eric Evans!! Both men are on the floor and need to regroup! That is how you start a match!"
J.S.: "I think I'm gonna be sick!"
T.R.: "It looks like Sage is going to start itn off as he awaits someone to come in and it looks like it will be the big man, Evans! look at the weight difference! 183 to 324! That means nothing to sage because he has fought men twice his size many times before!"
V.A.: "Sage is obviously much faster than Evans and he will have to use that speed to take Evans off his feet!"
J.S.: "Evans is gonna takethat ponytail and wrap it around his neck and choke that little Korean to death!"
T.R.: "Evans tries to grab Sage and he ducks under and hits a dropkick! He doesn't go down and he dropkicks Evans again and this time he falls into the ropes! Macmillan comes over and kicks him in the back of the head from the apron! Evans never knew what hit him!"
V.A.: "Seek and Destroy are experts at quick tags and double teaming as well, and I'm sure we'll be seeing that tonight!"
T.R.: "Sage tags Macmillan in and he begins chopping away!" TONY ROSS: "Macmillan kicks him in the gut and whips him in! A reversal! Evans flattens him with a shoulderblock and makes an obscene gesture as he stands over Macmillan!! Ohhh!! Macmillan thrust up with his fists and he nailed Eavns you know where!"
JAKE SHADES: "That's the only way Macmillan can win, if he punches him in Evans' moneymaker!"
T.R.: "Evans is out of breath and he stumbles to the corner and tags in the much lighter Taylor! Macmillan is up and they circle each other and lock up! headlock by Taylor which Macmillan quickly escapes with a back suplex! Macmillan with a snap elbow and a quick cover! 1-2-Kickout! Macmillan pulls him up and hits him with a snap suplex! Nicely executed! Running legdrop and he tags in Sage! Sage mounts the turnbuckle! Flying kneedrop!! No!! Taylor got out of the way!"
J.S.: "Ha! Did you see that squinty-eyed geek's knee hit the mat!? He looked like he twisted it three ways to Sunday!"
V.A.: "Sage did indeed land awkwardkly on his knee, and that may negate any type of aerial attack from him!"
T.R.: "Head scissors takedown by Taylor as Sage struggles to his feet! Taylor immediately begins stomping on the knee of Sage! He grabs the leg and slams it to the mat, and Sage yells out in agony! Taylor drags Sage to his feet and drops him crotchfirst on the ropes! He begins kicking the knee of Sage and he falls over the ropes and out!"
J.S.: "This is great! Taylor is proving to me that he's more than just a pretty face! He's really taking it to this punk!"
T.R.: "Taylor is now arguing with referee Stu Fields and look out for Eric Evans! I guess he is somewhat recovered from that earlier shot and he pulls Sage up and drops him kneefirst on the railing!! Here comes Macmillan!! He hops up on the apron and moonsaults Evans on the floor!! Wow!! Evans flew right back into the railing!"
V.A.: "That hurt Macmillan as well, he may have cracked his head on the floor! But he took care of Evans!"
J.S.: "Leave to that talentless idiot to ruin a good thing!"
T.R.: "Fields sees what's going on outside and he demands Evans and Sage back in but neither man is moving! Evans staggers to his feet and he grabs sage by the ponytail and Sage chops him viciously! Taylor is out there now and he kicks Sage from behind! Macmillan is back up and we have a four-way brawl going!"
V.A.: "Fields is counting and they had better bring it back into the ring!"
T.R.: "Taylor rolls Sage back into the ring as Macmillan and Evans continue their fight! Sage hits a few big lefts and swings with a right haymaker, but Taylor ducks and kicks Sage right in the kneecap! Ohh, that really hurt him and Taylor with a rollup!! 1-2-Almost! Taylor is up and arguing with Fields now!"
V.A.: "Taylor better stay on him and not worry about Fields' job!"
J.S.: "He has a right to complain! Berserker Dave could have counted to three faster with his fingers!" TONY ROSS: "Taylor returns to the battle at hand and he pulls Sage up and whips him in! He flattens him with a flying shoulderblock! It looks like Evans and Macmillan have stopped brawling and have returned to their corners! Taylor whips Sage into X-Rated's corner and both men are working him over and Taylor is viciously kicking at Sage's knee!"
VICTOR ALVAREZ: "Macmillan has seen enough!"
T.R.: "Macmillan dives right over Fields and nails Taylor in the back with a flying body attack!! Macmillan is up and he knocks Evans right off the apron!! This crowd is loving it! Fields pushes Macmillan back to the corner and Taylor is having a hard time getting to his feet! He pulls Sage up and whips him into the ropes! Sage ducks under a clothesline and comes off!! Sage grabs him in a fireman's carry!! Death Valley Driver!! Oh wow!! Sage can't pin him because his knee is in agony, that really took a lot out of him!"
J.S.: "I thought Sage was supposed to be a guy who can absorb all this pain, and it looks to me like he can't hack it! X-Rated has to put him away now and get those belts away from these two candy asses!"
T.R.: "Sage finally rolls over but only gets a 1 count! Sage limps to his feet and he goes to the corner! He's almost there and Taylor is up! He rams Sage from behind and he plows right into Macmillan, but they made the tag! Macmillan has fallen out of the ring and I don't think Taylor knows the tag was made!"
V.A.: "And Taylor is going to work on that knee as much as he can before Macmillan gets back up!"
T.R.: "A tag was made and Macmillan knows it!! He climbs up on the apron and Taylor has his back turned as he assaults Sage's knee! Macmillan with a missile dropkick to the back of the head!! Macmillan quickly rolls him up!! 1-2-Ohhh!! So close!!"
V.A.: "What a great move from Macmillan, Taylor never knew a tag was made and he never saw Macmillan coming!"
J.S.: "Of course, because Macmillan does everything from behind, if you catch my drift!"
T.R.: "Yeah, we catch it, and we want to get rid of it! Macmillan nails Taylor with a release German Suplex! Taylor lands hard on the neck!"
V.A.: "Taylor has been in there quite awhile and he may be in grave danger of losing this match now!"
T.R.: "This crowd is on its feet as Macmillan hits a huge bulldog on Taylor and he immediately slaps a chicken wing submission hold on him! Taylor is in big trouble now, but he won't quit! Here comes Evans, and he breaks that up before Taylor taps out! Sage hobbles into the ring and he drills Evans in the throat with a double chop and the big man rolls back out to the apron!"
V.A.: "Sage is ignoring the pain now and he's doing what he can to keep his team in the match!"
T.R..: "Macmillan got kicked in the head on that pin attempt and he has to shake off the cobwebs! He pulls Taylor up and he headbutts Macmillan's midsection! He grabs Macmillan's jaw and drops it right on his own head! Taylor dives for the corner and in comes "Erotic" Eric Evans!"
TONY ROSS: "Evans comes in and kicks Macmillan in the midesction and DDTs him!! He put all of his weight into that!! A cover!! 1-2-Kickout!"
VICTOR ALVAREZ: "Evans thought he had him there, but I don't think Macmillan was worn down enough to beat him with that move!"
T.R.: "Evans is visibly frustrated as he pulls Macmillan up and gorilla presses the much smaller man and practically throws him halfway across the ring! Evans follows it up with several boots to the head! Evans goes for a splash and misses!! He tries it again and Macmillan rolls away agin! Evans tries to kick him but Macmillan keeps rolling right out of the ring!!"
V.A.: "Smart move by Macmillan to just keep on rolling out of there, because Evans was going to flatten him!"
J.S.: "All Macmillan is doing is proving what a coward he is by trying to get away from Evans! He won't fight him man to man!"
T.R.: "I want to see what you do with a man twice your size, Shades! You would be too scared to run, there would just be a puddle on the floor underneath you! Evans goes out after Macmillan and he was waiting for him! He kicks Evans in the stomach and runs him into the post! Macmillan rolls back in and he tags Sage in! Was this a smart move!?"
V.A.: "Sage is still really feeling the effects of that attack on his knee and he may not be ready to fight here!"
T.R.: "Evans is back in the ring and he hammers Sage in the ribs and slams him down! He picks Sage up and places him on the top rope! What could this be! The Triple E DDT!? No, Sage won't let him hook him and Sage stands up and ohhhh!!! A franeknsteiner into a rollup!! 1-2-3!! How in the world did he get that 300 pounder over!!?? This place is up for grabs!!"
V.A.: "What a spectacular move by Sage to win the match for Seek and Destroy, and what a feat of athleticism to get Evans over and pin him from the top rope!! Incredible!!"
J.S.: "Yeah, but X-Rated is gonna make these two skinny punks pay for it now!!"
T.R.: "Taylor enters the ring with a chair and he nails a celebrating Macmillan flush in the back of the head!! What a shot! Sage gets the treatment next and he rams it in his knee! Oh no!! Now Taylor is folding the chair with Sage's knee in between and he's standing on it!! The pain must be unbearable!! Macmillan gets powerbombed!"
J.S.: "I love it! I love it!! Put these jerks away for good!"
V.A.: "Tony, somebody's coming! The crowd is erupting and it's HELIX!!"
T.R.: "The National Champion is charging to the ring and he has a chain in his hand!! He hits the ring and rams the chain into Evans throat!! Taylor gets whipped in the back with the chain!! He goes down like he just got shot! Helix kicks him out of the ring and now Helix picks Evans up and clotheslines him out of the ring!! This place is electric!! Helix makes the save!"
V.A.: "That must be Helix returning the favor when Seek and Destroy saved him from that attack by the gangbangers!"
TONY ROSS: "Helix assists Sage to his feet and here comes some EMTs! They check on Sage's knee and Helix gets Macmillan to his feet and they both check on Sage's condition! Sage's knee may be seriously hurt!"
JAKE SHADES: "I hope it is because I am sick and tired of seeing this twig-like man get lucky and beat dudes who should have smothered him! That and the fact that he's carrying this Macmillan punk on his small shoulders makes me even more nauseated!"
VICTOR ALVAREZ: "They have a stretcher for Sage now and they're going to put on a knee brace to keep it stable! This ruins a great moment for Seek and Destroy!"
T.R.: "Ok, fans, don't you dare go away because next is the MAIN EVENT on FWF Battleground!!"
(The camera switches to scenes from FWF Total Conquest '98 as Golem has the Claw Hold on Nostradamus and blood spurts from his temples. Golem is laughing sadistically as security tries to pull him off. Next, Nostradamus is shown in the hospital barely able to speak. A Helix interview is shown next where he promises to avenge Nostradamus. Golem is shown once again flexing his right hand with the large pair of grips, and he turns to the camera and laughs maniacally. Fade to commercial)
(The camera fades in to Paul Kramer in the ring)
PAUL KRAMER: "Wrestling fans of Milwaukee, Wisconsin, and the millions watching at home, are you ready for the MAIN EVENT!!?" (the crowd roars) "This match is for the FWF National Heavyweight Title! First, coming to the ring, the challenger," (CUE-UP: "God Bless the Bums" by Comeshot) "weighing in at 238lbs., GOLEM!!"
(The crowd erupts with boos again as Golem makes his approach to the ring, laughing sadistically as he holds his right arm up with his left hand, showing the crowd the hand that executes the Claw Hold. Golem gets to the ring and starts yelling at all the fans. Pieces of garbage hit the ring every once in awhile)
P.K.: "And his opponent," (CUE-UP: "Nobody's Fault" by Aerosmith) "From Boston, Massachusetts, weighing in at 245lbs., he is the FWF National Champion, HELIX!!"
(The arena can be felt shaking from the ensuing response as Helix begins his walk down the aisle. He is wearing his trenchcoat and baggy jeans, and he walks to the ring with his arms raised and his belt around his waist. Helix gets to the ring but can't enter as Golem is blocking the way in, waving him in. Helix takes the belt off, hands it to a ring attendant and flies into the ring)
TONY ROSS: "Here we go!! The FWF National Title is on the line here and this is going to be an all-out brawl! Both men immediately begin pounding on each other and their adrenaline is rushing so hard they don't even feel the blows!"
VICTOR ALVAREZ: "Hold on a second here! Jean Rabesque is coming to ringside and he has a mic!"
JEAN RABESQUE: "Before you guys get too involved, I'm going to issue a challenge! (Both men stop fighting) Helix, since I won this belt (points at the US Frontier belt around his shoulder) I am now the number one contender. If you win tonight, I want you on the next card for the National Title! Golem, if you win, then it's gonna be you and me! Do either of you guys have the guts to accept this challenge!?"
TONY ROSS: "Golem ignores him and attacks Helix once again and both men start to pound on each other!"
JAKE SHADES: "And Golem is going to take this moron's head and pop it like a damn zit with his Claw Hold, whether Lebron likes it or not! Golem is the next champion, you hear me!?"
T.R.: "No I don't Jake, this crowd is at a fever pitch as the men continue to bater each other ruthlessly! Rabesque leaves ringside without an answer! Golem rakes the eyes and rips the trenchcoat off of Helix and he whacks him in the face with it, with the exposed metal buttons and zipper! Ouch! Golem pretends to blow his nose in the jacket and he throws it out of the ring, but that only made Helix madder and he boots Golem in the gut and bulldogs him down and the fans repsond with a roar!!"
V.A.: "The last thing you want to do is aggravate Helix, he has an uparalled mean streak, and may do things to Golem that Golem himself never dreamed of doing!"
J.S.: "Yeah right, Alcatraz! Helix couldn't hurt a mosquito if it bit him in the ass! Golem is the one with the mean streak in there, not Felix!"
TONY ROSS: "It's HElix, you idiot! Helix pulls Golem up and now Golem is biting his stomach!! helix is screaming in pain and referee William Bennett is trying to get Golem to stop! Wow! Bennett just pushed Golem off and he's right in his face warning him! Golem pushes back! Helix reaches around Bennett and grabs him by the throat and begins choking him!! The fans love it! Helix brings Golem all the way to the mat!"
VICTOR ALVAREZ: "There's much more on the line in this match than the National Title! Felix is fighting for the fans, the integrity of the sport, and the honor of Nostradamus! This is good vs. evil in its highest form!"
T.R.: "Now Bennett is getting on Helix's case for choking Golem! Helix lets off! Bennett is going to call this one right down the middle, juts like always!"
J.S.: "Except for the fact that Helix slipped him a hundred in the locker room, but we won't see Bennett get impartial until later in the match!"
T.R.: "Shades, if ignorance was music, you would be a 25 piece brass band! Never have I heard more lies from one single person! Golem is trying to catch his breath now as Helix pulls him to his feet and drills him in the jaw! Helix has overcome so much to get to where he is now! After breaking free of the influence of that gang in Boston, Helix now fights for everything that is right, and he's going to correct the wrongs done by Golem!"
V.A.: "Helix is visibly more animated than usual, his facial expressions show more anger and hatred!"
J.S.: "No, he's just irregular today!"
T.R.: "Helix pushes Golem into the corner and now he whips him across to the opposite turnbuckles and Golem hits with the force of an MX missile! Helix goes in with kicks and punches and Golem slumps to the mat! Helix turns to the crowd with arms raised and gets a tremendous response! Golem was playing opossum and he kicks Helix in the back!"
V.A.: "Never, never turn your back on this man, he is far too dangerous to toy around with, and Nostradamus found out the hard way!"
J.S.: "By the way, what hospital is he at in Chicago? Maybe I'll pay him a visit and pull the plug as an early Christmas gift! And Malec will be joining him soon on life support!"
T.R.: "You are a sickening individual Shades, and I hope, by the good grace of God, that you pay for your idiocy someday!"
J.S.: "Preach on Brother Ross! When did this become the Jimmy Swaggert Hour?"
T.R.: "Golem is now choking the life from Helix, but Helix hits an inverted atomic drop to break the hold, but Golem follows it nicely with a neck snapping short clothesline! How about Jean Rabesque coming out here and challenging the winner!? What a match that would be, Helix vs. Golem!"
J.S.: "It's going to be Golem vs. Rabesque you puppet, and then Golem is going to pull Rabesque's tiny brain from his head and show it to him before he dies!"
T.R.: "Such bold predictions, I hope you didn't put any money on them like last time!"
TONY ROSS: "Golem is in control here and he gets Helix to his feet and drops him with a double chop to the throat! Golem stands on Helix's throat!! Helix may pass out from lack of oxygen now!"
VICTOR ALVAREZ: "Can you imagine 238lbs standing on your throat!? I wouldn't be surprised if Helix's windpipe is crushed!"
JAKE SHADES: "I had over 300 pounds on top of me when Malec's mother caught me in the shower at the hotel one time! She was quite a load!"
T.R.: "Sooner or later Shades, VP Malec is going to come down here and make you pay for those statements! Helix is really struggling for air now and Golem picks Helix up! He's going for a piledriver!! He nails it!! 1-2-Kicmkout!"
V.A.: "Golem may be softening him up for that Claw Hold, and if he uses it, this match will be thrown out the window because that hold is outlawed!"
J.S.: "Yeah, because wussy Lebron doesn't want his star meal ticket killed here tonight! I saw an ambulance circling the building earlier, they know what's going on! Helix is going home in a wooden box!"
T.R.: "Golem has a few choice words for Willie Bennett and he drags Helix up by the hair and hits a backbreaker! Golem buries his thumb in Helix's eye! Bennett agains has to admonish this wildman!"
V.A.: "Golem's attack is so unorthodox and so unorganized! He never stays on one body part, he always attacks everything at once!"
J.S.: "That's because his opponents are usually weak pushovers!"
T.R.: "Helix is by no means a pushover, he is the champion! And the champion is in a world of hurt as Golem buries a knee in his face! Golem covers! 1-2-No!! This crowd in Milwaukee is chanting Helix's name now and they want him to come back in the worst way! Listen to this crowd! Golem yells at them to shut up and he elbows Helix in the throat for good measure!"
V.A.: "Golem is cutting off Helix's air, which is a good strategy!"
J.S.: "He just doesn't want Helix to breathe on him that dragon breath! I heard Helix can wilt flowers with the stench of his breath!"
T.R.: "More lies! Golem hits Helix with a fallaway slam! Golem comes off the ropes for a senton splash but Helix is out of there! How did he know that was coming!? Golem is back up and he goes after Helix like an animal! he drags him to his feet and swings with a right but Helix blocks!! Helix responds with three left jabs and a monster right and Golem staggers to the ropes!! Helis pushes him off and whips him in and hits a powerslam from out of nowhere!! That took a lot out of Helix and both men are lying on the mat!"
V.A.: "Helix is having trouble breathing after the assaults on his throat by Golem! That may limit him from doing any major power moves, even though he has a weight advantage over Golem!"
J.S.: "Let's stop denying the inevitable! Golem is going to crush Helix's skull!" TONY ROSS: "Both men get up at the same time and Golem takes a swing, but Helix ducks!! He spins Golem around and atomic drops him and he follows it up with a savate kick to the head, beautifully executed! Golem is out on the mat and the crowd is roaring for Helix to finish him!! Helix pulls him up slowly and Golem gets an eye rake in!! Golem grabs him and tries for a suplex but it's blocked! Helix reverses it and turns it into a brainbuster!! This could be it!! helix is taking too long to cover!! 1-2-Ohhh!!! So so close!"
VICTOR ALVAREZ: "Helix is visibly winded and just can't react as fast as he normally would! Golem may have done himself well with his strategy!"
JAKE SHADES: "Come on Golem, put him away now and end this chump's career! Claw! Claw! Claw!"
T.R.: "Enough of the cheerleading! Helis is on his feet and he waits for Golem to get up and he slaps on a sleeper! Golem immediately begins back pedalling and both men fall through the ropes and land hard on the floor!! Wow! Did you hear that smack onthe concrete!?"
J.S.: "Yeah, it sounded like the smack that usually comes from your kitchen when your wife clocks you during an argument!"
T.R.: "Shades, you can talk about the wrestlers, you can talk about the bosses, bt DO NOT talk about my family! Got it!?"
J.S.: "Yeah, sure Mr. Ross....(mumbles)....wimp.."
T.R.: "Helix is up first and he avoids the flailing boots of Golem and he stomps him in the head! He drags Golem to his feet and runs him into the steel steps and Golem goes flying! Helix is picking up the metal steps! What strength!! Those things are by no means light! Helix may have lost it here! He throws them at Golem but he is able to get out of the way! Golem jumps over the steps and attacks Helix but he is ready!! Both men go to the floor trading rights and lefts!! This is breaking down!"
V.A.: "What a battle! What a confrontation! Neither man is giving an inch and the crowd is all on their feet! I can't hear myself think!"
T.R.: "Bennett is out there now and he's seen enough! He wants this back in the ring! This match is too important to end in a DQ or countout! Look at him! He got right in between them and he's yelling at them to get back in teh ring! Golem gets a cheap shot in and complies! Helix follows shortly and Golem is there to meet him! Golem stomps viciously at his head!"
J.S.: "Work him over Golem! Soften that thick head up! I want BLOOD!!"
T.R.: "Helix fights to his feet and begins nailing Golem with thunderous rights!! Golem is stunned and Helix goes for a double underhook!! No!! Golem powers out of it and just like that buries him with a spinning tombstone piledriver!! This is it!! Golem can get the win here!! He's not pinning him!! Wait!! Oh no!! He's holding his right hand high in the air!! Oh Lord he's not going to do it is he!!?"
J.S.: "Yes, do it!! Do it!! Who cares about that National Title!! Do it Golem, make him BLEED damnit!!"
TONY ROSS: "Golem takes Helix and he's tying him up in the ropes!! Bennett knows what's going on here and he's trying to pull Golem off and Golem turns and absolutely levels Willie with an uppercut!! Bennett is out! He has Helix tied up!"
VICTOR ALVAREZ: "Golem has thrown away a chance at the National Title and he's going to try and maim Helix!"
JAKE SHADES: "That's right, ain't it great!! Yeah!!"
T.R.: "Golem is showing off his extra long fingernails to the camera and oh no!! He's putting the claw in Helix's mouth!! Somebody stop him, he has the claw in his mouth!! The bell is ringing, even though Bennett is out! Even the timekeeper knows this has to stop!! Look at the blood pouring from Helix's mouth!! He's cutting his gums up!"
V.A.: "Here comes security! There going to stop this now!"
J.S.: "No, let it go! I want to see Golem pull Helix's tonsils out! Aw, come on!!"
T.R.: "Security swarms Golem and they restrain him and slap on some tie wraps on Golem's blood stained hands!! Look at the FWF Champion, he has blood pouring out of his mouth! The ring is littered with garbage as the fans let their outrage be known! Here comes Jean Rabesque!! The United States Frontier Champion charges to the ring and he has a towel! He unties Helix from the ropes and he's trying to wipe the blood from Helix's mouth!! Helix pushes him away!! Rabesque was trying to help!"
V.A.: "Helix does not look of sound mind right now!! He has a wild look in his eyes and he probably doesn't even recognize who Rabesque is!"
T.R.: "Rabesque tries to assist him again and Helix pushes him down!! Uh oh!! Rabesque does not like that and they're in each other's faces! Here comes Darren Macmillan of seek and Destroy and he's going to stop this before it gets out of hand!"
J.S.: "Get out of there Dickmillan! Let these two babyfaces rip each other apart!"
T.R.: "Helix turns away from Rabesque and he sees Golem being led away, and he rolls out of the ring and goes charging after him!! He dives right into the pile of FWF Security and Milwaukee's finest!! He's trying to get at Golem!! Rabesque and Macmillan go after him!! Helix is in that pile somewhere and he may be attacking Golem! I can't see!! Fans, this has broken completely down and we are totally out of time!! Be sure to watch the next Battleground on ESPN2 and we'll try to sort this mess out!! He's got him!! Helix is on top of Golem!! Helix is getting cuffed now by the police!! So long fans!!"
(The credits roll and highlights of the evening are shown)