Pure Malice: Wings Stadium - Promoter Joe LeBron
(FADE TO: Absolute darkness.... Absolute silence.... Somewhere in the distant background we begin to hear low muffled yells.... as it begins to build in crescendo, the light slowly starts to filter in, building in synchronicity with the yells.... after a few moments... the yelling stops.... the light fades away... suddenly three huge letters emerge on the screen.... "F W F". The letters begin to rotate and as they do a 180 degree turn we begin to hear hushed tones whispering repeatedly.... "Dare the Unknown... Dare the Unknown.... Dare the Unknown...." The letters suddenly stop their rotation.... the whispers suddenly cease, and then without warning.... the screen explodes and we are immediately taken to the yelling fans of the Wings Stadium in Kalamazoo, MI! It's filled to capacity here as the cameras pan around showing the throngs of screaming fans who anxiously await the start of yet another FWF Mega Card!! As the cameras continue to pan around, we see a VERY well endowed woman wearing a T-shirt that says "Dare The Unknown" across the MOUNTAINOUS region of her chest! A sign a few rows down says "Give Golem the ELECTRIC CHAIR", further down, by the ring side area, a couple of inebriated fans, one wearing a "Shades is DA' MAN" T-shirt, and the other wearing a "Malec RULES!" T-shirt are engaged in a heated argument which quickly turns comically physical! As security rushes in to break it up the cameras zoom to the FWF's Triple Threat Team of Tony Ross, Victor Alvarez and Jake Shakes!)
TONY ROSS: HELLO EVERYONE!! IT'S ABSOLUTE PANDEMONIUM OUT HERE!! Welcome once again to the most exciting program in Professional Wrestling, the FWF BATTLEGROUND!!! I'm Tony Ross, along with my co-hosts, the insigtful Victor Alvarez and the foulest mouth in pro wrestling, Jake Shades! This segment of FWF Battleground, PURE MALICE, promises to be especially brutal as we have two revenge matches, the miraculous return of a man who was near death not too long ago, of course of I'm talking of Nostradamus, and let's not for.... (INTERRUPTED)
JAKE SHADES: They shoulda' pulled his life support, it woulda saved Nossie from further humiliation!!
VICTOR ALVAREZ: That's really cruel Jake.... even for YOU!!
JAKE SHADES: Hey, unlike you two clowns, I SAY what's on MY MIND!!
TONY ROSS: That must explain why you hardly ever speak!! Anyway, we also have tag team action tonight as two of wrestling's most dominant teams, the Legendary Birds of Prey and the Mercenaries make their FWF debut here today!
VICTOR ALVAREZ: That's right Tony, the FWF proudly boasts the MOST COMPETITIVE Tag Team scene in ALL of Professional Wrestling! Not to mention the constant card debuts of such wrestling superstars as Rage o' Fire Jared Wells, BOP, The Mercs, Codie Thompson, just to mention a few! HAT'S OFF to the FWF Executive Committee for debuting such high caliber superstars on virtually EVERY card this year!!
JAKE SHADES: You call THAT talent?? PLEEEAASEEE!! If you REALLY want to talk talent, you're talking PCS!!! Hell, if it weren't for me, he woulda NEVER returned back here!!
VICTOR ALVAREZ: You must be using that new form of logic found in the mental institutions.... how do you figure that?
JAKE SHADES: Ha! You'll see later on during the show!
TONY ROSS: Well what ever your big surprise may be, you certainly are right by saying that the return of PCS is indeed HUGE news!! Just goes to show you that the true superstars of the sport just CAN'T stay away from wrestling's last frontier... the FWF!!
JAKE SHADES: What??? You shooting for a bigger Christmas Bonus or something?? You better stop kissing so much FWF butt or your breath will be stinking of rectum by the time you pucker up under the Mistletoe!!
VICTOR ALVAREZ: You know Tony, this card is SO packed with main event caliber type matches that we haven't even mentioned THE main event this evening.... the NO DQ, DOUBLE KNOCKOUT 3 WAY DANCE for Helix's National Title!!
JAKE SHADES: (sighing heavily) I was JUST gonna do that when you RUDELY cut me off!
VICTOR ALVAREZ: I'm sorry Jake, be my guest.....
JAKE SHADES: (giving him a ridiculous look) What?!? I DON'T DO SLOPPY SECONDS!?!
VICTOR ALVAREZ: Whatever you say Jake, anyway Helix will be SEVERELY tested tonight as he defends his title in a 3 way dance against Frontier Champion Jean Rabesque and the ever dangerous Golem! No DQ so ANYTHING GOES! And the ONLY way to win is to KNOCKOUT your opponent!! Anything can happen in this type of match.... and I'm sure it will!!
TONY ROSS: That's right Vic, tonight promises to be extremely brutal as MALICE is the chemistry for tonight's action! We'll be right back with the start of this BATTLEGROUND segment after this commercial break!!
(Cameras fade out from the screaming fans at the Wings Stadium as an ad for the WAR Promotion airs.....)
(Cameras fade back to the FWF broadcast booth where they are preparing to get the first match underway.....)
TONY ROSS: Well, I see Paul Kramer reaching for his mike, so let's turn the spot light over to him so he can get the first match underway.....
(Cameras quickly zoom to the center of the ring wear Ring Announcer Paul Kramer is passing some words with Referee Danny Diaper. After a few minutes, Paul Kramer begins his bark......)
PAUL KRAMER: IS EVERYONE READY FOR THE START OF FWF BATTLEGROUND!?!? (crowd explodes with a thunderous roar) Tonight's segment of Battleground, appropriately titled PURE MALICE, begins with a double debut match!! First coming to us from both the WAR promotion and the rival MWF promotion, hailing from Phoenix Arizona, he stands at 6'-5" and weighs in at 255 lbs! In his FIRST match in the FWF, he's "The Franchise" CODIE THOOOOOMPSOOOON!!!!
(CUE UP: "Jump Around" by House of Pain, after a few moments a young appearing blond haired man, garbed in a black robe appears at the entrance way ramp. His steel blue eyes displays a look of defiance as he turns to flip off a couple of jeering fans, we see the word 'FRANCHISE' embossed blue letters on the back of his robe. He makes a motion as if he is going to strike one of the jeering fans and when they raise their hands in defense, he begins to laugh and ridicule them. He continues to laugh as he saunters all the way to the ring.)
PAUL KRAMER: And his opponent, also making his FWF debut tonight, he is one wrestling's all time greats, a 3 TIME WWL World Champ and holder of multiple other titles throughout his illustrious career.... he hails from the sunshine state of Miami Florida, standing at 6'-3" and weighing 243 lbs, ladies and gentleman, I give you the "Rage o' Fire", JARED WEEEEELLSSSSS!!
(CUE UP: "Ghost of Tom Joad" by Rage Against The Machine as the spotlights flood the entrance way ramp.... awaiting the emergence of the Jared Wells. After a few seconds, the curtains slide open and Jared Wells appears amongst a tremendous fan ovation! The lighting casts an irridescent glow words "RAGE" that run up and down the sides of his black tights. His distinctive black hair and bleach blonde goatee accentuate help to accentuate his smile as acknowledges the fans. He slowly makes his way down the aisle, stopping occasionally to sign a few autographs and slap a couple of hands.)
VICTOR ALVAREZ: I tell you, the FWF simple OUT DOES itself every show by acquiring such TOP COMPETITORS as these guys!! This is going to be a VERY interesting match up!!
JAKE SHADES: Uh huh, (yawning), personally, if this RAGGED HIRE is so great... (INTERRUPTED)
TONY ROSS: That's Rage o' Fire!
JAKE SHADES: Yeah, whatever, anyway, if he's SO great, then why is he a fan favorite??
TONY ROSS: (gives Vic an incredulous look) That is the most MORONIC thing that I have EVER heard... even from YOU!!
JAKE SHADES: Hey... it is a KNOWN fact that Fan Favorites are WHIPPED SISSY BOYS!!
TONY ROSS: I'm not even going to acknowlegde your insane logic, I have a match to call. (sighing heavily) Okay, they meet up in the middle of the ring, they just stand there glaring at each other... and OH!! Thompson just slapped Wells!!!
VICTOR ALVAREZ: Wells just shakes his head and smiles at Thompson! OH!! LOOKOUT!!! Wells just leveled Thompson with a right hook!! And Thompson goes down!! Thompson should have expected something like that, you can't disrespect a man like Wells like that and get away with it!
TONY ROSS: Now Thompson is smiling and nodding his head, I guess that punch knocked some sense into him after all.
JAKE SHADES: Man, he's just gonna lull him into a false sense of security and then GIVE IT TO HIM!!
TONY ROSS: You mean he's going to be sneaky and try to trick him?!
JAKE SHADES: No I mean he's gonna sing him a lullaby and then steal his candy.... OF COURSE THAT'S WHAT I MEAN!!!
VICTOR ALVAREZ: They tie up now in an armlock test of strength now.... Thompson yelling at referee Danny Diaper that Wells is pulling his hair.... Diaper checks... and Thompson with a handful of hair pulls Wells down to the mat!!
JAKE SHADES: See!! I told ya he was gonna outsmart 'em!! These fan favorites aren't too bright ya know.... in fact they're pretty gullible..... actually they're down right STUPID!!! HAHAHAHAAA! Go ahead Wells, play by the rules!! See how far that'll get ya!! HAHAHHAAAAAA!!
TONY ROSS: Well in answer to you Shades, it got him as far as THREE WWL World Championships, just to name a few!
JAKE SHADES: Yeah, so what, that league just shut it's doors down this week and ya know why? 'Cause they're LOSERS!!! So I guess that kinda makes Wells a THREE TIME LOSER!!
VICTOR ROSS: Shades, the WWL was then, and STILL is one of the TOP Wrestling Promotions in history and whether they're still in operation or not will NOT change that FACT!!
TONY ROSS: Thompson taking advantage now of Wells as he begins twisting his arm.... he's trying to tear his arm off its socket!
JAKE SHADES: Yeah!! Tear his arm off!!
TONY ROSS: Wells manages to get to his feet and he sends Thompson into the ropes and Thompson bounces off and sends Wells back to the ground!!
TONY ROSS: Thompson back to the ropes..... Wells jumps right back up to his feet and locks Thompson up for an arm drag take over.... BUT THOMPSON BLOCKS IT!! Thompson goes for the armdrag and tosses Wells over but WELLS HANGS ON and flips Thompson into through the ropes and out on to the hard floor!!
VICTOR ALVAREZ: Wells quickly climbs to the top of the turnbuckle and LEAPS OFF WITH A MOONSAULT!!! OHHHH!!! He just CRUSHED Thompson as he was getting up!!! Both are slow to get up but Wells gets up first.... grabs a handful of Thompson's blonde locks and pulls him to his feet.... He goes to send him to the ring post but Thompson applies the breaks and whips Wells BACK FIRST into the POST!!!
JAKE SHADES: YEAH!!! That's what I would'a done!!
TONY ROSS: Please! The only thing you would be capable of doing is BLEEDING!!! Wells is favoring the lower part of his back.... he looks as if he's really hurt!
VICTOR ALVAREZ: He sure does Tony.... and Thompson is going to take FULL ADVANTAGE of it now as he sends Wells unceremoniously into the ring! Thompson, right behind him now begins to VICIOUSLY kick him in the small of the back!! Wells is in obvious pain now as he fights reaches for the ropes to help pull himself up.
JAKE SHADES: C'mon Thompson!! Stop toying with and BREAK HIS BACK!!!
VICTOR ALVAREZ: He may just have heard you Shades as Thompson sets Wells up for a suplex..... SMALL PACKAGE BY WELLS!!! But Referee Danny Diaper could only get a one count down as Wells is still favoring his back!
TONY ROSS: That is the sign of great competitor!! No matter what the circumstance, they find a way to counter!
JAKE SHADES: Would you PLEASE stop it with this great competitor crap!! If he was SO good he wouldn't be getting his (BLEEP) KICKED right now!!
TONY ROSS: I guess you're right Jake, after all, YOU'RE always getting the BEJESUS BEAT OUTTA YA by Malec and you are anything BUT a great competitor!
VICTOR ALVAREZ: Thompson back on the attack again... he makes his way over to Wells, who is just now getting to his feet, and he just nailed Wells with a hard right hand to the jaw!!! AND WELLS COMES BACK WITH A THUMB TO THE EYE!!! THOMPSON CAN'T SEE!!! Wells with a SAVATE KICK SENDS THOMPSON CRASHING TO THE MAT!!
JAKE SHADES: HEY!! HE CAN'T JAB HIM IN THE EYES!! That's ILLEGAL!!
TONY ROSS: Wells appears as if he's getting his second wind now!! The fans are going absolutely wild!!! Mean while Thompson is still clutching his eye as he struggles to his feet...... Wells measures him.... FLYING LARIAT BY WELLS SENDS THOMPSON CRASHING TO THE MAT!!!
TONY ROSS: Wells pulls Thompson up by his blonde locks... and OH!!! LOW BLOW BY THOMPSON!! Referring Danny Diaper is reprimanding Thompson and Thompson cocks his fist as if to strike him and the ref lets out a yell and begins to shield his face!! Thompson lets out a hearty laugh as he wipes away the tears from his swollen eye and begins to stomp on Wells!
JAKE SHADES: HAHAHAHHAHAAA!!!!
VICTOR ROSS: And look Tony!! Wells leaps from a kneeling position and tackles Thompson!!! They're rolling around the ring now trading lefts and rights!! This has turned into a street brawl!!!
JAKE SHADES: BITE 'EM THOMPSON!! DO A 'MIKE TYSON' ON HIM!!!
TONY ROSS: They finally manage to get to their feet, STILL BATTLING I might add, and now their trading lefts and rights again...... Thompson can't seem to connect as Wells keeps bobbing and weaving like a boxer!
VICTOR ALVAREZ: Thompson misses with a wild left hook and Wells ducks and spins him around..... ATOMIC KNEE DROP!!! AND THOMPSON IS HOPPING AROUND IN PAIN!!! Wells follows that up with a shortarm clothesline!! THOMPSON HITS THE MAT HARD!! AND LISTEN TO THE CROWD REACT!!! THEY'RE GOING BALLISTIC!!
JAKE SHADES: GET UP THOMPSON!!! DON'T LET THAT PANSY PUNK YOU LIKE THAT!!
TONY ROSS: Wells goes to the top rope.... he leaps.... LEG DROP OFF THE TOP ROPE!! But Thompson moved out the way at the last minute!!
JAKE SHADES: That's 'cause he heard my words of wisdom! Do like PCS and stick with me Thompson, and I'll take ya places!
TONY ROSS: (Turning towards Shades) What?! You mean PCS actually agreed to have dealings with you??
JAKE SHADES: You'll see soon enough.....
TONY ROSS: I can HARDLY wait....
VICTOR ALVAREZ: Both are still laying on the mat.... Referee Danny Diaper begins the ten count. And as if on cue, they both start to stir!
TONY ROSS: Wells is up first but Thompson with a rake of the eyes!!!
VICTOR ALVAREZ: Thompson with a superkick sends Wells back down to the mat!
TONY ROSS: Now it's Thompson to the top turnbuckle... but look!! Wells suddenly jumps to his feet and leaps on the ropes!! And Thompson CROTCHES himself!! Wells quickly goes over to him and... and.. UH OH!! Can it be?!? YES... He's going for ........
TONY ROSS: YES IT IS!!! HE'S GOING FOR HIS FINISHER... THE RAGE BOMB!!! He has it hooked and ... HE DID IT!!! WELLS EXECUTED HIS PATENTED RAGE BOMB!! And the the ref quickly dives in for the count 1.... 2...... 3!!!! JARED WELLS HAS WON!!
JAKE SHADES: THAT WAS A FAST COUNT!!
VICTOR ALVAREZ: Tony look!! Thompson just jumped to his feet and walks right up to Wells.... there standing nose to nose and let me tell you.... Thompson looks INFURIATED!!!
JAKE SHADES: He SHOULD be.... he was just cheated out of a victory by a fast counting ref!!
TONY ROSS: Thompson is motioning for a microphone now....
CODIE THOMPSON: "Well "Rage o' Fire", you experienced what I'M about, and there's ONE thing I want to know from YOU!! And that is.... DO I HAVE WHAT IT TAKES??"
(The crowd begins to react as Wells motions for a mike... after a few moments of glaring eye contact with Codie, he raises the mike to his lips and responds.....)
JARED WELLS: "Yeah, Ya GOT what it takes...."
(The crowd goes ballistic as they both drop the mikes to the ring apron and walk back to the dressing rooms.... TOGETHER!!)
TONY ROSS: Now THAT is what it's all about.... true sportsmanship!!
JAKE SHADES: Another sellout is what it looks like to me!! Another wrestler joins the ranks of the SISSY BOY FAN FAVORITES!!!
TONY ROSS: Well, that remains to be seen, though it does look as though SOMETHING, some sort of bond is forming between them. Anyway that was one hell of a great match and we'll be right back with our next match after a word from one of our sponsors.
(FADE OUT to a Soloflex commercial)
(Cameras fade back to the screaming fans of the Wings Stadium Arena and then to the FWF broadcast team of Ross, Alvarez and Shades....)
JAKE SHADES: Ya know, those SOLOFLEX people would make a (BLEEP) truck load of money if they had ME endorse their product.
TONY ROSS: What as? The BEFORE segment of the before and after shots?
JAKE SHADES: Hey, what can I say, I'm one of those RARE marketable commodities, not many of us around.
VICTOR ALVAREZ: I guess you don't place too much value on pride huh Shades?
JAKE SHADES: Hey! I place value on what matters most... MONEY!!!
TONY ROSS: Hell, by the way YOU dress, you could certainly fool me!! Anyway, it's time for our next match so let's send the action back down to Paul Kramer.
(Cameras fade away from Shades just as he begins to express some obscene gestures at Ross. Cameras then begin to focus on Paul Kramer as he brings the mike to his lips and begins to bark out introductions.)
PAUL KRAMER: Wrestling fans... our next match, is a tag team competition! Featuring first, weighing in at a combined weight of 503 lbs! Hailing from Montreal, here are the team of TAILONNE BREVEEEEETTTE and BRANDON PEREEEEEEZ!!!
(CUE UP: "Sober" by Tool as Brevette and Perez emerge from the entrance way ramp and make their way slowly down to the ring.)
PAUL KRAMER: And their opponents, at a combined weight of 524 lbs., hailing from the cities of Indianapolis and Detroit, making their FWF debut, they are former AFWC American Tag Team Champions, they are Rob ANTHONY and STEVE LEWISTON, THE MERCENAAAAARIIIIIEEEESSS!!!!
(CUE UP: "Shapes of Things" by The Jeff Healy Band as they emerge on to the ramp and receive a mixed reaction from the crowd! They slowly walk towards the ring, occasionally stopping to look around, grinning and nodding their heads as they take it all in. Moments later they are in the ring awaiting the start of the match.)
TONY ROSS: Now this is going to be a great match! You have the team of Brevette and Perez who ALMOST became the FIRST FWF Tag Team Champs and facing them across the ring are the Mercenaries, NO strangers to fame and former Tag champions themselves!
JAKE SHADES: Yeah, yeah, yeah.... you say that about ALL the matches. Do you REALLY impress THAT easily??
TONY ROSS: What would really impress me would be if you would EVER say anything intelligent!
TONY ROSS: And the Mercenaries waste absolutely NO TIME as they attack Brevette and Perez at the sound of the bell!! Brevette and Perez never saw it coming and they are PAYING for it!!!
JAKE SHADES: That's 'cause they SUCK!!!
VICTOR ALVAREZ: The Mercenaries are showing absolutely NO MERCY as they toss Brevette outside of the ring and begin to double team Perez!! The referee finally gets some order here and sends the smaller of the two, Steve Lewiston back to his corner!
TONY ROSS: Unfortunately the damage has already been done! Meanwhile, the monster, known as Rob Anthony is beating the daylights out of Perez....
VICTOR ALVAREZ: Tony it looks as if Brevette has had enough of this and he goes to try to break it up but Steve Lewiston intercepts him and sends him flying through the ropes. Lewiston quickly follows him outside the ring while his partner Anthony slams Perez to the mat, WITH AUTHORITY, by way of a crucifix slam!! I think Perez is OUT COLD!
JAKE SHADES: He's not out cold.... he just SUCKS!!!
TONY ROSS: The Mercenaries are simply ANNIHILATING Brevette and Perez! Perez is out cold and .... OH!! Lewiston just nailed Brevette over the head with a steel chair!!! He's out cold too!!!
JAKE SHADES: DAMN IT!! They're NOT out cold..... they just SUCK!!!!
TONY ROSS: Jake please, Brevette and Perez have suffered enough humiliation and they certainly DON'T need to be berated by the likes of YOU!!
JAKE SHADES: They suffered humiliation .... 'cause they SUCK!!!!
TONY ROSS: Anthony takes the unconscious Perez and hits an EXPLOSIVE CHOKE SLAM!!! This is ridiculous, this match should be stopped!!! Brevette and Perez are BOTH unconscious and unable to defend themselves!!
JAKE SHADES: They can't defend themselves 'cause they SUCK!!!
TONY ROSS: Anthony picks up the Perez's lifeless body and places it on the turnbuckle......
VICTOR ALVAREZ: Uh oh!! Tony.... I think he's going for his finisher.....
JAKES SHADES: Finisher!?! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAA!!! This match was finished the SECOND it started!!!!
TONY ROSS: Unfortunately, I HAVE to agree with Shades.... this match has been an absolute travesty!!! Anthony is setting himself up on the turnbuckle now......
TONY ROSS: Anthony with a TOP ROPE POWERBOMB!!! Referee Danny Diaper with the 3 count... 1 .... 2.... 3!!! This match is MERCIFULLY OVER!!!
VICTORY ALVAREZ: Tony, he coulda' counted to 10 and STILL I don't think it woulda made a difference!!
JAKE SHADES: That's 'cause Perez..... SUCKS!!!
TONY ROSS: Well, suck or not, the Mercenaries have CERTAINLY left an impressive debut tonight!! And I'm sure the FWF Tag Team Champions, Sage and McMillan have NO choice but to take notice of the Mercenaries! Fans, we'll be right back after a brief commercial break!
(Camera's fade to a commercial break for WWWA's upcoming PPV....)
(Cameras fade back to the Wings Stadium where Paul Kramer is ready to announce the next match.....)
PAUL KRAMER: Our NEXT match will feature the miraculous recovery of a man who just mere weeks ago, was near death, from parts unknown, weighing in at 210 pounds, at 6'-2", welcome back NOSTRADAAAAAAMUUUUSSS!!!
(CUE UP: "Closer" by Nine Inch Nails as Nostradamus appears at the entranceway ramp. His black hooded cloak flapping wildly behind him as he makes his way down to the ring.)
PAUL KRAMER: And his opponent.... hailing from the windy city of Chicago Illinois, standing at 6'-3" and weighing in at 201 pounds.... one of the FWF's newest and brightest stars.... he's BILLYYYYY MAAATHEEEEEWSSSSS!!!!
(CUE UP: "Unforgiven" by Metallica as Billy Mathews emerges from behind the curtains to the adulation as well as mockery from the crowd as he sports a purple gown with matching lipstick, and eyeliner. He saunters his way to the arena amidst the jeering from the crowd and enters the ring where he discards his gown to reveal his matching purple wrestling trunks)
JAKE SHADES: And I thought I saw everything during the days of Grossard.... but this guy is even FRUITIER than MWG!!
VICTOR ALVAREZ: That may be so, but just like Grossard, he can damn sure wrestle!!!
TONY ROSS: Evidently as he takes it RIGHT TO Nostradamus!! He takes Nossie down EASILY with a Russian leg sweep!! Nossie jumps right back up to his feet however, but Mathews is there to meet him with a WICKED kick to the face!!
JAKE SHADES: Hey! This Nossie guy is fighting like a CORPSE!?! Are you SURE he's not dead??
TONY ROSS: Quite sure, although he may not be far from it! Mathews goes to the top rope.... he waits for Nossie to struggle to his feet.... and ..... MISSLE DROPKICK RIGHT TO THE FACE!!! PERFECTLY EXECUTED!! Nossie goes down with a tremendous thud!!
VICTOR ALVAREZ: Mathews is up already and he pulls Nossie back up to his feet..... FACE FIRST SLAM INTO THE TURNBUCKLE!!!
JAKE SHADES: LOOKOUT!! (acts as if he is ducking) DID YOU SEE THAT!?! I THOUGHT I SAW TEETH FLYING OUT!!!
TONY ROSS: I didn't see anything, although Nossie IS bleeding profusely from his mouth so you may just be right!
VICTOR ALVAREZ: Tony, I hate to agree with Shades, but I think I DID see something fly out of Nossie's mouth!!
TONY ROSS: Nossie is just lying on top of the turnbuckle, and now he just slumps to the mat! Mathews goes over to him and pulls him to his feet..... SNAP MARE TAKE DOWN!!
TONY ROSS: Mathews pulls him to his feet once again.... OH MY GOD!!! HE JUST LEVELED HIM SO HARD WITH A LEFT HOOK THAT THIS TIME I SAW SOME TEETH FLY OUT AS WELL AS BLOOD!! This isn't a match.... this is slaughter pure and simple! The referee should stop this match before Nossie REALLY gets killed this time!!
JAKE SHADES: I wonder if any of those teeth have GOLD FILLINGS??
VICTOR ALVAREZ: Tony there seems to be some commotion in the crowd... someone is making their way to toward the ring apron..... it's.... IT'S BRIAN MATHEWS!!! He has a STEEL CHAIR IN HIS HAND and is waiting by ringside!!
TONY ROSS: I don't think Billy sees him as he is too busy MUTILATING Nostradamus..... DDT by Billy!! That's usually a sign that he's going for his .... YES!! HE IS!! HE'S GOING FOR HIS FINISHER..... SHOOTING STAR PRESS!!! Not that he needed it 'cause this match was over the second it started, much like our previous match. 1..... 2..... 3!! MERCIFULLY, this match is over as Mathews scores the EASY win over an unconscious Nostradamus!
VICTOR ALVAREZ: Tony look! Brian Mathews has just entered the ring with that steel chair.... he's sneaking up behind Billy with the chair already cocked overhead.... and Billy turns at the last second!!
TONY ROSS: And Brian swings the chair and PURPOSELY MISSES BILLY AND STRIKES THE PRONE, UNCONSCIOUS NOSTRADAMUS IN THE FACE!!!! UUGGH, What a SICKENING SOUND THAT MADE!!! The medics are rushing in now as Billy and Brian begin to embrace and head out toward the locker room together!!
VICTOR ALVAREZ: Tony it appears as if Nostradamus has stopped breathing!! They're administering CPR!!! They can't seem to revive him!! They're strapping his body to the stretcher and rushing him to the ambulances out front!!
TONY ROSS: I get a feeling of Deja Vu setting in just watching this......
(Suddenly Shades gets up and heads toward the ring)
TONY ROSS: Shades where are you going?
JAKE SHADES: To see if I can find any of those teeth!! Never know, they may REALLY have gold fillings!!
TONY ROSS: That is really despicable! Even for YOU Shades!!
JAKE SHADES: Hey, you're just upset 'cause YOU didn't think of if first!! Besides, even if they DON'T have any gold fillings, do you know what just ONE of those teeth would be worth if Nossie KICKS THE BUCKET?? Which apparently he will now thanks to the beating that Billy and Brian Mathews gave him?
VICTOR ALVAREZ: Tony, I'm just getting word that we HAVE to go to a commercial break do to the GRAPHIC content of these events.
TONY ROSS: (giving a sarcastic look) A little late don't you think??
VICTOR ALVAREZ: Apparently, we've been experiencing some transmission problems originating from an outside source, just like we did during the INVASION promotion....
TONY ROSS: Okay, fans we'll be back after this commercial break.
(Cameras pan to the arena where the fans are still buzzing about the near practical public execution of Nostradamus as the Wings Stadium staff send their sanitation crew into the ring to clean up the blood and remnants of broken teeth that are all over the ring. Cameras then break to a commercial for All State LIFE insurance......)
(Cameras fade back to the broad cast booth just as Jake Shades returns....)
TONY ROSS: So did you find any GOLD on your GRISLY treasure hunt??
JAKE SHADES: Nah, just a couple of teeth... See?! (tosses out to bloody pieces of teeth onto the table)
VICTOR ALVAREZ: THAT'S GROSS!!
JAKE SHADES: No it's not!! It's $49.95 per tooth!!
VICTOR ALVAREZ: Your heartless!!
JAKE SHADES: Why? 'Cause it's out of your price range??
TONY ROSS: (shaking his head in disgust) I don't want to hear any more of this. Paul Kramer has just entered the ring so thankfully I can turn it over to him.
(Cameras fade back to Paul Kramer as he stands staring at the dull, faint red blotches on the mat.... he seems somewhat mesmerized by it until referee Sal Putz hands him the mike.....)
PAUL KRAMER: Ladies and Gentleman, our next match will feature first, the most physically imposing figure in the FWF, standing at 7'-1", weighing in at 365 pounds, hailing from Brooklyn, NY, he's "TRIPLE 6 PSYCHO" REIGN CHANCELLOR!!!
(CUE UP: "Necrophobic" by Slayer as the spotlight focuses in on the entranceway ramp.... seconds pass and the music continues to play and STILL no sign of Reign Chancellor. Paul Kramer not knowing what to make of this starts to continue his introductions.....)
PAUL KRAMER: Well, um, his opponent for tonight, hopefully at any rate, standing at 6'-8", weighing 270 pounds, from New York City, he's VEENOOOOOM!!!
(CUE UP: "Stop Being Greedy" by DMX as the spot light continues to focus in on the entranceway ramp and just like before..... NO ONE EMERGES!!! Paul Kramer, who is rarely ever at a loss for words doesn't know what to make of this....)
PAUL KRAMER: Well, er, um, I uh, I guess maybe.... (INTERRUPTED BY THE PA SYSTEM AS A VOICE STARTS LAUGHING LOUDLY......)
VOICE: HEHEHEHEHEEEEEEE!!!! You CLOWNS will NEVER LEARN WILL YA!!! There is NO FUTURE for the FWF so long as I have anything to say about it!!! (Suddenly the Jumbotron comes alive and we see the face of......... JC of the infamous NEH/UA.....)
JC: Ya see, since it was REALLY MY money that inadvertedly helped to launch the FWF, I feel as if I have some say over what goes on here tonight... and tonight you will NOT see Venom and Reign Chancellor fight!!! If you want to know why just take a look behind me!!
(The jumbotron begins to focus on the background which shows an FWF locker room where we see the bodies of both Venom and Reign Chancellor laying on the floor.... apparently both are unconscious.... their bodies have been spray painted with the letters "M-W-F" and as the jumbotron focuses further it reveals some writing on the locker room walls which reads:
F eminine
W restling
F ederation ...... where WOMEN bitch!
M asculine
W restling
F ederation ...... where MEN fight!
JC: All you FWF girls, especially YOU Malec, this is just a preview of what the MWF is going to do to the FWF come time for the PPV!!! Now you SISSIES can really DARE THE UNKNOWN!! HEHEHEHEHEHEHEEEEE!!!!
(The Jumbotron fades out as does the sickening laughter emanating from the PA system.... we are then soon returned back to the broadcast booth....)
TONY ROSS: I don't BELIEVE THIS!!! This is OUTRAGEOUS!!!
JAKE SHADES: Actually, I kinda think it was COOL!!!
VICTOR ALVAREZ: YOU would!!
TONY ROSS: Oh man!! Malec, LeBron and McCann are going to freak when they hear of this!!! Obviously, the Chancellor/Venom fight will have to be cancelled so we're going to have to go for another commercial break so we can try to sort this out and prepare for our next match. Fans we'll be right back!
(Cameras fade, IRONICALLY, to a MWF promotion......)
(Cameras fade back from commercial.....)
TONY ROSS: I understand Neither Malec, nor LeBron can be reached for comment and McCann is currently in Japan supervising a WAR promotion. So until we get any further news on this developing story and on the condition of Nostradamus, we will proceed with our next match as planned.
(Cameras fade to the ring as Paul Kramer prepares to bark out the next match....)
PAUL KRAMER: Our next match of the evening, is a Tag Team event, featuring first, at a combined weight of 541 pounds, hailing from Kentucky and Florida respectively, they are "XXX" CLYNT TAYLOR and "TRIPLE E" EROTIC ERIC EVANS, the team of X-RAAAAAATEEEEDD!!!!!
(CUE UP: "I'm Too Sexy" by Right Said Fred as Taylor and Evans emerge from behind the curtains and begin to gyrate their torsos at the crowd who responds with boos and jeers. They then make their way arrogantly down the aisle and enter the ring.)
PAUL KRAMER: And their opponents, making their FWF debut, weighing in at a combined weight of 505 pounds, hailing from Wichita, KS, they have left their mark in virtually every arena around the world, ladies and gentlemen, I give you Falcon and Shrike, the LEGENDARY team known as the BIRDS OF PREEEEEEYYYY!!! They are accompanied by their manager.... CONDOOORRR!!!
(CUE UP: "Millinium" by Killing Joke as the crowds go ballistic with cheers as the Falcon, Shrike and Condor appear on the entranceway ramp! Falcon and Shrike merely stand at the ramp, nodding their heads to the approval of the fans as Condor raises his arms in the air, smiling widely. They begin to make their way down the aisle, occasionally stopping to shake hands and sign autographs.)
TONY ROSS: You know, I remember these guys from a while back, they were one HELL of a team back then and if they remain true to their tradition, they will DEFINITELY become a team that SaD will have to watch!!
JAKE SHADES: Screw them, you all had better watch JC and the MWF 'cause they have already made their presence known in the FWF more than once!
VICTOR ALVAREZ: No doubt about that, but I'm sure all scores will be settled during the next PPV which will match both the FWF and MWF in head to head competition. Right now, I'm VERY interested to watch the Birds of Prey in action!! I've heard so much of them and now I finally get to see them first hand!!
JAKE SHADES: Hell, X-Rated is gonna FEAST tonight!! Their going to DEVOUR those TURKEYS!! HAHAHHAHAAA!!
TONY ROSS: The big men of each team will start it off as Falcon and Erotic Evans begin to circle each other. They lock up..... and Falcon traps him in an armbar and flips the big man over!!
VICTOR ALVAREZ: Evans right back up to his feet however and he charges Falcon!!
TONY ROSS: Falcon leap frogs over him..... Evans off the ropes... arm drag take down by Falcon!!
JAKE SHADES: (yawning) Is this match over yet?? I gotta see a dentist about some TEETH to sell!
TONY ROSS: Evans starting to show some signs of frustration as he kicks at the bottom rope in disgust!
VICTOR ALVAREZ: Tony, Evans is so frustrated that he doesn't even realize that he's standing just a little too close to Shrike... and OH!!! SHRIKE WITH A KNEE TO THE SMALL OF THE BACK!!! Evans goes done to one knee clutching his back!!
TONY ROSS: And here comes Clynt Taylor but LOOK!! Condor, the manager of the Birds of Prey has just jumped out on the ring apron and is alerting the referee of Taylor's presence!! The referee forces Taylor back to his corner while Evans gets double teamed in the Birds of Prey corner!!
VICTOR ALVAREZ: That is excellent team work, goes to show you just WHY this team has been so successful throughout their career!!
JAKE SHADES: (speaking on the phone with someone...) "Sure they're the real thing!!! That's right, they are Nostradamus's actual TEETH!! That's right.... I picked them up MYSELF!! Believe me, you WON'T get a better price unless you pull them from his mouth yourself!!!
TONY ROSS: Unbelievable. (shaking his head as he looks at Shades...) Anyway, the referee has finally managed to force Clynt back to his corner and returns to the action at hand, however the damage has already been done as Evans can barely manage to stay on his knees!!!
VICTOR ALVAREZ: Falcon makes the tag and pulls Evans up for pile driver..... Shrike quickly makes his way up to the top rope and grabs Evan's ankles... and he LEAPS OFF as Falcon applys the Piledriver!!! Oh my god!! Did you see the Evan's neck twisted!?!!
TONY ROSS: Yes I did and Evans could be seriously hurt....
JAKE SHADE: (slams the phone down in disgust) (BLEEP) JERK!! What kinda dentist passes up on such a great offer as that!?! Hey! I wonder how much I could get for a lock of Evans hair?!?
TONY ROSS: (shakes his head in disgust) You know you sicken me Shades?! And then you wonder why people dislike you!?!
JAKE SHADES: I NEVER said I wondered why people dislike me, I've always stated that I DON'T CARE if people dislike me! You might want to remember that, being a so-called commentator and all! Besides, Evans looks as if he'll be Nossie's roomie for a while anyway.... HAHAHAHAAAAA!
VICTOR ALVAREZ: I thought you liked the team of X-Rated? After all, they are NOT fan favorites?
JAKE SHADES: They may as well be... they're losing to THOSE turkeys!!
TONY ROSS: Shrike places a foot on Evan's chest as the ref begins his count......
VICTOR ALVAREZ: And here comes Clynt .... but he doesn't
see Condor behind him .... he has the announcers bell...
LOOK OUT!!!
TONY ROSS: And here's the count... 1.... 2..... 3!!! The Birds of Prey have virtually ANNIHILATED the team of X-Rated in ARROGANT FASHION!!
VICTOR ALVAREZ: Tony, I hope SaD is watching them 'cause the Birds of Prey look as if they TRULY mean business!!
JAKE SHADES: If they REALLY meant business, they would come see me, like PCS has!!
TONY ROSS: Speaking of which I understand that we are going to take a SPECIAL commercial break from one of our NEWER sponsors featuring PCS and .... what? And Jake Shades???
JAKE SHADES: Now you'll REALLY see what talent is all about!!
(Fade out to the start of the commercial....)
(Cameras focus on the Jumbotron as it comes alive with the Nissan Emblem.... It then dissipates as we see none other than Pop Culture Superhero tugging on a verticle steel cable... his muscles bulging with every effort, sweat pouring from his forehead. Then emerging out of nowhere, with a piece of paper in his hand and wide, greedy smile, is Jake Shades. He approaches PCS, who is still stuggling to maintain his hold on the steel cable. As he reaches him, they begin to converse:
JS: You wrestler's kill me, ya think that EVERYTHING is about strength and power!! Well let me tell ya PCS, without this (points to his head with a pen) you will NEVER reach your full potential, and seeing how you compensate for lack of brain power with brawn, It seems you'll have to hire out someone to do the thinking for you! All you have to do is sign here on the dotted line, and the riches will just start flowing in!!
PCS: (grunting as he struggles to maintain his hold on the cable) Uuugghhh.... I'm kinda tied up at the moment, if you come back in a minute I'll consider it..... Uuuuggghhh!!!
JS: Time is money PCS... don't let this opportunity slip you by.... much like that cable that is slipping through your sweaty palms!! It's NOW or NEVER!!
PCS: But, UUUGGHH!! But you don't understand.....
JS: NO!! YOU don't understand, you sign NOW or I take my offer to another wrestler!! You guys are a dime a dozen and you should feel priviliged that I am going to take you under my wing!!
PCS: (gives him a glaring look then smiles as the sweat continues to stream down his face) Okay, I see your point, you want to hold on to this cable for a second so I could sign...
JS: NOW yer talking!!
(PCS holds on to the cable with one hand while takes the paper and pen from Shades.... Shades then grabs the cable with both hands and the second that PCS releases the cable to sign the paper.... Jake Shades is immediately launched into orbit and disappears from the screen just as a red NISSAN "FRONTIER" V-6 PICKUP TRUCK slams down next to PCS!! PCS smiles and enters the truck, and starts her up! Just as he's beginning to pull away we see Jake Shades body come flying down and land with a HUGE METALLIC THUD on the bed of the pickup! As PCS drives the NISSAN "FRONTIER" V-6 PICKUP out of view, a voice over begins.)
V/O: "With the New NISSAN "FRONTIER" V-6 PICKUP TRUCK, hauling your GARBAGE will be a pleasurable experience! The new Nissan "FRONTIER" V-6 PICKUP TRUCK is proud to be the OFFICIAL truck of the Frontier Wrestling Federation!"
(Cameras fade away from the Jumbotron as we are taken back to the broadcast booth.......)
TONY ROSS: (laughing...) you REALLY made a big impact in that commercial Shades.... LITERALLY!!
JAKE SHADES: Laugh all you want, it's easy to see WHO they'll remember in that commercial!!
VICTOR ALVAREZ: Yeah... the TRUCK for withstanding the pounding from your hard head!!!
JAKE SHADES: (smiling proudly) Yeah, well your wife always said that I had a "HARD HEAD", though I think she meant the one SOUTH of the border!! HAHAAAHAAAAA
VICTOR ALVAREZ: You'll never change....
JAKE SHADES: Nor do I intend to!!
TONY ROSS: Well how you MANAGED to land a spot on a Nationally advertised commercial is beyond me, but that's a story for another time as we're ready for our next match!
(Cameras fade back to the ring where Paul Kramer is about to start his barking....)
PAUL KRAMER: We have reached the HALF WAY point of this card, and it can only get better!!! For our next match, he is known the world over, he hails from Detroit, MI, stands at 6'-2" and weighs 257 pounds.... he's THE CHILD PRODIGY, JOHNNYYYY HAAAAAVEEEENSSSSS!!!!
(CUE UP: "Next MutherFUCKER" by Marilyn Manson as Johnny Havens emerges from behind the curtains. He's dressed in his usual Jnco attire as he makes his way down toward the ring)
PAUL KRAMER: And his opponent, making his FWF debut, weighing 236 pounds, he's NOBLE KAAAAALLLLLLEE!!
(CUE UP: "Kill The President" by The Offspring as the FWF gets its first look at Noble Kale as he stands at the foot of the entranceway ramp wearing acid jeans, a leather jacket and heavy black boots .... he raises a hand and brushes back his stringy, unkempt brown hair away from his hair, revealing two tattoos on either side of his cheeks, one an upside down cross and the other a rightside up cross. The spot light glints off his Eyebrow piercing as he stands there stroking his goatee. He then unzips his leather jacket and strides to the ring... when he gets there, he sits himself on the turnbuckle and awaits the start of the match.)
TONY ROSS: This Kale guy has a dangerous air about him, if I were Havens, I wouldn't take him lightly.
VICTOR ALVAREZ: I know what you mean Tony, you could almost sense the feeling of impending danger from him.
JAKE SHADES: He's gonna
TONY ROSS: Well we'll soon find out as this match is officially underway!
TONY ROSS: Havens is dancing around now.... trying to circle Kale. But Kale just stands there staring at him...... Havens charges! And Kale with a KICK TO THE MID SECTION!!! AND HAVENS YELLS OUT IN AGONY AS HE DOUBLES OVER IN PAIN!!!
VICTOR ALVAREZ: Tony, that kick looked kind of low!!
JAKE SHADES: It wouldn't have mattered either way 'cause Havens has NO BALLS!!! HHAAHAHAHAHAHAAAA!!
TONY ROSS: LOOK AT THIS!! KALE IS USING HAVEN'S FINISHER!!! KALE HAS THE DOUBLE ARM DDT LOCKED ON HIM!! WHAM!! PERFECTLY EXECUTED!!!
VICTOR ALVAREZ: Tony I have NEVER seen that move executed with more authority, and that INCLUDES the times that Havens has used it!!
JAKE SHADES: AHAHAHAHHAAAAA!!!!
TONY ROSS: Jake, I fail to see what is so funny?
JAKE SHADES: Watching a fan favorite get annihilated, THAT'S WHAT!!! AHAHAAAAAA
TONY ROSS: UH OH!! Kale has Havens trapped in the middle of the ring in a BOSTON CRAB!! AND HE IS REALLY APPLY THE PRESSURE!!! AND HAVENS IS SCREAMING IN AGONY!!! HE GIVES UP!! HAVENS HAS GIVEN UP!!!! BUT KALE REFUSES TO RELEASE THE HOLD!!!
JAKES SHADES: HAHAHHAAAAA!!! Listen to him scream! He sounds just like a little girl screaming!!! BREAK HIS BACK KALE!!!
TONY ROSS: I don't know how much more of this Havens can take!! The pain is SO excruciating that TEARS are welling up in his eyes!!!
JAKE SHADES: (falls to the floor laughing) HAHAAHAHAAAAAA!!! I told you Havens was nothing but a BIG SISSY!!!
VICTOR ALVAREZ: The referee FINALLY forces Kale to break the hold!!! But I think it's too late!! The damage has already been done as Havens is STILL screaming in agony as he clutches his back! Kale just looks down on Havens and nods his head as the paramedics rush in to tend to Havens.
TONY ROSS: You know, I really think these wrestlers are taking the name of this card TOO LITERAL!! They all seem to have PURE MALICE in their heart when they enter the ring!! This Kale guy MEANS business and he just proved it here tonight as he simply DESTROYED Johnny Havens in RECORD TIME for a debut match of 46 SECONDS!!!
VICTOR ALVAREZ: Not to mention that he used Haven's own finisher on him!!
TONY ROSS: With authority I might add. If this type of brutality keeps up, we'll have to start holding ALL the cards near a hospital!! Not to mention that the FWF Health Insurance Premiums are going to sky rocket after tonight!! Fans, while the paramedics are tending to Havens we're going to go for a commercial break.
(Cameras fade out on the sounds of Havens agonized screams, as well as Shades boisterous laughter. Fade to an ad for PERSONAL INJURY Lawyers.....)
(Cameras fade back to Paul Kramer, mike in hand, as he commences to bark out the next match....)
PAUL KRAMER: For our next match, we have yet another tag team battle. First, at a combined weight of 429 pounds, formerly known as "Mr. Tuesday Night" Joe Van Dame and Ferrit Fanatic, now known as Joe "Superflying" Turner and Frank "Psycho" Turner, they are..... THE TURNER CORPORAAAAAAAATIOOOONN!!!
(CUE UP: "Who Da Pimp Now" by Lil Kim as Joe and Frank Turner emerge on the entrance ramp!! Frank Turner runs frantically up and down the aisle way as Joe Turner casually walks to the ring.)
PAUL KRAMER: And their opponents, at a combined weight of 485 pounds..... hailing from Compton, CA, they are Brian Taylor and Kirk Matthews..... the Team of NATION OF INNOVATIOOOON!!!!
(CUE UP: "Sad But True" by Metallica as Taylor and Matthews emerge from behind the curtains.... both sporting steel chairs and playing air guitars on them. They start working up the fans and the fans eat it up. As the music pauses, they give each other surprised looks as if someone just pulled the plug, when the music comes back on they give each other a surprised look and head toward the ring at break neck speed.)
TONY ROSS: Look at Paul Kramer clear outta there as NOI explodes into the ring and attacks the Turner Corporation with those steel chairs!! I don't think I've EVER seen Paul move so fast!!
VICTOR ALVAREZ: Can't say that I blame him considering how NOI is going to town on the Turner Corporation with those chairs! They are absolutely RELENTLESS!! They finally toss BOTH members ofthe Turner Corporation out of the ring and play up to the fans again!!!
TONY ROSS: The Turner Corporation looks as if they need MORE than a name change to help them here tonight!!
JAKE SHADES: Hell, I hope NOT!! I want to see ANOTHER murder tonight!! There's no telling what kind of SOUVENIRS I can exact from the TURNER CORPSES!!
TONY ROSS: That is NOT the least bit amusing!!
JAKE SHADES: Wasn't meant to be, I am DEAD serious! Get it?? DEAD??? CORPSES??? HAHAHHAHAHAAAA!!
TONY ROSS: Yeah, I got it and I tossed it!! The ref finally looks as if he's restored some semblance of order now as Joe Turner steps into the ring against Kirk Matthews. They lock up and Joe Turner whips Kirk Matthews into the corner ... BUT MATTHEWS REVERSES IT AND SENDS TURNER INTO THE CORNER AND FOLLOWS IT UP WITH A SPLASH!!!
JAKE SHADES: That's what they call the The Cap'n Crunch!
VICTOR ALVAREZ: That's COMPTON CRUNCH!! NOT Cap'n Crunch!
TONY ROSS: NOI is getting retribution for the recent Turner attack on them a few weeks back.
VICTOR ALVAREZ: No doubt Tony.... and they look as if they WON'T be denied as Matthews moves in on Joe Turner once again. He takes Joe and tosses him to his partner to make the tag!! HOW ARROGANT!!!
JAKE SHADES: You say that as though it were a bad thing?!? ARROGANCE equals VICTORY!!
TONY ROSS: Then why are YOU always getting your REAR kicked Shades??
JAKE SHADES: What can I say, I'm a masochist!!
TONY ROSS: Matthews doesn't even wait for Frank Turner to step in... He simply drags him bodily over the top rope and choke slams him onto the mat!!!
VICTOR ALVAREZ: Matthews whips him into his corner where Taylor greets him with forearm smash to the face!! Matthews tags in Taylor and holds Turner while Taylor lands a series of stiff left hands to Turner's head!!
TONY ROSS: Matthews finally releases Turner and returns to his corner as Taylor brings Turner down with a Russian leg sweep. And Joe Turner rushes in but he's headed off by Matthews and now all FOUR are battling it out in the ring!!
JAKE SHADES: Now THAT'S what it's all about... TOTAL CHAOS!!
TONY ROSS: Matthews with a double underhook body slam on Joe Turner while Taylor has Frank Turner trapped in their version of the Lion-Tamer, the COMPTON CRAB!!!
VICTOR ALVAREZ: And look Tony!! Matthews has Joe Turner trapped in his version of the Camel Clutch which he calls the KIRKCLUTCH!!! And BOTH TURNERS SUBMIT!!! BOTH JOE AND FRANK TURNER SUBMIT SIMULTANEOUSLY!!!
TONY ROSS: This is a VERY impressive victory for NOI... a DOUBLE SUBMISSION win over The Turner Corporation!!! Yet ANOTHER team that SaD had better keep an eye on!! Fans, we'll be right back with our next match after this commercial break!
(Cameras fade out on a commercial for BOWFLEX....)
(Cameras fade back to the the Wings Stadium arena where Paul Kramer is ready for the next match....)
PAUL KRAMER: Our next match is a vendetta rematch!! These two met on the VERY first FWF card and NOTHING was resolved as it ended in a DOUBLE DQ!! Tonight, they will meet again as they BOTH vow to settle the what wasn't settled before! First from Toronto Canada, weighing 225 pounds and standing at 5'-11", he's a former 1/2 WAR World Tag Team Champion, he's MICHAEL "THE DRAGON" KERRIIIIGAAAAAN!!!
(CUE UP: "Real Solution #9" by White Zombie as Michael Kerrigan emerges from behind the curtains amidst a mixed crowd reaction.)
PAUL KRAMER: And his opponent, hailing from Seoul, South Korea, standing at 5'-10" and weighing ONLY 183 pounds, he is currently 1/2 holder of the FWF National Tag Team Titles, he's SAAAAAAGEE!!!
(CUE UP: "More Human Than Human" by White Zombie as Sage explodes from behind the curtain and races toward the ring!!)
TONY ROSS: This guy Sage has DEFINITELY got to be one of the most, if not THE most impressive wrestlers around! I mean he has accomplished SO much despite his small frame! He took MWG to the very limits and he is 1/2 of holder of the FWF tag titles!
JAKE SHADES: Hell, the ONLY reason he wins so much is because if he ever loses he would sue for CHILD ABUSE!! HAHAHAHAHAAA!!
VICTOR ALVAREZ: It's no wonder then that YOU never sued on behalf of being SIMPLE MINDED!!
JAKE SHADES: Hey... that's NOT a bad idea!!
TONY ROSS: Don't encourage him Vic.... Sage and Kerrigan lock up now.... and Sage with an arm drag take down!! Kerrigan right back to his feet though and lands a drop kick of his own that sends Sage all the way to the ropes... and Sage gets tangled up in the ropes!!! Kerrigan charges and knocks the wind out of Sage with a should block to the stomach!!
VICTOR ALVAREZ: Sage may be in trouble now as Kerrigan comes off the ropes again and .... OH MY!! Sage catches Kerrigan in a head scissors and FLIPS Kerrigan OVER THE TOP ROPE!! Kerrigan landed right on top of his head on the hard floor outside!!
JAKE SHADES: Hey!! He cracked the cement with his head!! I bet you LeBron makes Kerrigan pay for that crack!
TONY ROSS: Sage has finally managed to release himself from the ropes and makes his way out side.... but Kerrigan is still not moving!!
VICTOR ALVAREZ: Sage himself looks a bit hesitant as he approaches Kerrigan to check on him...
TONY ROSS: Sage moves in closer and Kerrigan with a low blow!! BUT NO!! Sage anticipated it and has Kerrigan locked in an arm bar!!! He forces Kerrigan to his feet and SLAMS HIM FACE FIRST INTO THE RING POST!!
VICTOR ALVAREZ: If that crack on the head didn't hurt him, running face first into the post certainly did!! Sage rolls Kerrigan into the ring now and follows him in.
TONY ROSS: Sage is waiting on Kerrigan to get up.... he's measuring him.... SPINNING HEEL KICK BY SAGE SENDS KERRIGAN DOWN HARD TO THE MAT!!
VICTOR ALVAREZ: Sage goes up to the top turnbuckle.... Kerrigan staggers to his feet..... Sage leaps off with his finisher, the FALCON and executes a PERFECT corkscrew shooting star press!!! Incredible elevation on that leap!!
TONY ROSS: Here's the cover... 1... 2... 3!! Sage settles this unfinished business between them in CONVINCING fashion!! It's been a while since we've seen Sage in singles competition but he's proven that he is still a force in singles competition here tonight with an impressive win over Michael Kerrigan. Fans, we'll be right back with our next match after this commercial break.
(Cameras fade to an ad for the FWF Wrestling game for Playstation......)
(Cameras fade back to ringside where Paul Kramer is barking out the next match.....)
PAUL KRAMER: Our next match, will feature yet ANOTHER grudge match! First, hailing from Dallas TX, standing at 6'-2" and weighing 250 pounds, he's the FORMER FWF Frontier Champion, he's BERSERKER DAAAAAVEEE!!
(CUE UP: "Machine Head" by Bush as Berserker Dave races down the aisle in usual lunatic fashion.)
PAUL KRAMER: And his opponent, standing at 6'-7", and weighing 283 pounds, hailing from Phoenix, AZ, he's HENRYYYY GOOOOLDWIIIIRE!!!
(CUE UP: "Mary Jane's Last Dance" by Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers as Henry Goldwire emerges from the behind the curtains and makes his way toward the ring....)
TONY ROSS: You know there's been a lot of talk that Berserker is really nothing more than a flash in the pan, he can silence all those doubters by defeating Goldwire again!
VICTOR ALVAREZ: That's right Tony, there are MANY people who feel that Berserker merely got lucky at IN THE ZONE in Omaha when he defeated Goldwire!
JAKE SHADES: GOLDWIRE WAS ROBBED IN OMAHA!!! THAT'S RIGHT! I'LL SAY IT..... BERSERKER IS FLUKE AND GOLDWIRE IS GONNA PROVE THAT TONIGHT!!!
TONY ROSS: Thank you Jake for that UNBIASSED opinion.... Berserker circling around in his unorthodox fashion... and he suddenly lunges at Goldwire and Goldwire lets loose with a VICIOUS uppercut that sent Berserker flying right off his feet!!!
VICTOR ALVAREZ: Goldwire lifts him up.... REVERSE NECK BREAKER BY GOLDWIRE!!! Berserker is in SERIOUS trouble here early on and if he doesn't do something quick we may just see another match ending in record time!
JAKE SHADES: KILL THAT
TONY ROSS: Goldwire once again pulls Berserker to his feet... Berserker with a wild left hook!! But Goldwire ducks and nails an ATOMIC DROP!!!
VICTOR ALVAREZ: Berserker is hopping around in obvious pain as Goldwire continues to stalk him!!
JAKE SHADES: NOW THAT'S A SURE CURE FOR CONSTIPATION!!! HAHAHAAAAA!!
TONY ROSS: Berserker has yet to mount any sort of offensive and it doesn't appear as he will any time soon as Goldwire moves in once again and takes him down with a flying clothesline!! This match is ALL Goldwire as he shows absolutely no mercy!!
TONY ROSS: Goldwire drags a screaming Berserker to the middle of the ring..... lifts him up... BACK BREAKER!!! I don't know how much longer Berserker can take this punishment!!
VICTOR ALVAREZ: He may not have to Tony, LOOK!!! GOLDWIRE IS CALLING FOR HIS FINISHER!!!
TONY ROSS: HE'S GOT IT ON!! GOLDWIRE HAS BERSERKER TRAPPED IN HIS "LIGHTS OUT" SLEEPER IN THE MIDDLE OF THE RING!!!
VICTOR ALVAREZ: Berserker is fading fast Tony..... the ref is checking.... he lifts his Berserker's arm, it drops ONCE, TWICE, THREE TIMES!!! THIS MATCH IS OVER!! GOLDWIRE HAS DEFEATED BERSERKER DAVE!!
JAKE SHADES: I TOLD ya Berserker was nothing more than a FLUKE!!
TONY ROSS: The referee is instructing Goldwire to awaken Berserker and he does so... by KICKING HIM IN THE NECK!!! I tell you Vic, there's absolutely NO love lost between these two. So Goldwire continues his winning ways, having avenged his ONLY loss in the FWF tonight by defeating Berserker, while Berserker, on the other hand continues his downward slide, adding more credibility to the claims that he was merely a fluke champion. Fan's we'll be right back after this commercial.
(Cameras fade to a WWWA promo.....)
(Fade back to ringside and Paul Kramer....)
PAUL KRAMER: For our next match, first, hailing from Miami Florida, standing at 6'-7" and weighing 263 pounds, he is a former NAWF World and Extreme Title holder, he's THE FAN FLAVA' WAYNE ROOOBEEEERTSS!!
(No music is cued as Wayne Roberts emerges on the entranceway ramp and heads toward the ring.....)
PAUL KRAMER: And his opponent, hailing from Los Angeles, CA, he stands at 6'-5" and weighs 255 pounds, he is accompanied by his manager, the Lost Hanson, he's POP CULTURE'S SUPERHEROOOO!!!
(CUE UP: "Sell Out" by Reel Big Fish as the Lost Hanson and PCS appear at the ramp and make their way down to the ring.)
JAKE SHADES: Now THAT'S what you call a WRESTLER!! Not to mention SMART for hooking up with me!!
TONY ROSS: A wrestler?? MOST DEFINITELY!! Smart for hooking up with you?? NO COMMENT!! Wayne Roberts is being distracted by The Lost Hanson and LOOK OUT!!! PCS with a superkick to the back of the head!! Roberts drops to the mat holding his head!!
JAKE SHADES: THAT'S MA BOY!!!
VICTOR ALVAREZ: PCS really nailed Roberts with that kick!! Quite frankly I'm really surprised that Roberts would allow himself to be distracted in ANY match!! PCS is taking full advantage now with a few kicks to the ribs!
TONY ROSS: PCS grabs a handful of hair and lifts Roberts to his feet..... a chop to the throat... Roberts DUCKS!! And he catches PCS in a TORNADO DDT!! Both men are slow to get up now and the Lost Hanson is going ballistic as he yells to PCS to get up!
JAKE SHADES: GET UP PCS!!! C'MON SHOW 'EM WHAT I TAUGHT YA!!
TONY ROSS: Ahhh.... that must explain HOW PCS was caught in that tornado DDT! Roberts is up first now and he pulls PCS to his feet and sends him back down with a short arm clothesline!
VICTOR ALVAREZ: Look Tony, the Lost Hanson just jumped on to the ring apron... and he's trying to distract Roberts! Roberts rushes over and shoulder blocks Hanson into the first row!!
TONY ROSS: And PCS gets up and lifts Roberts from behind and lands a FACE FIRST POWER BOMB!!! He took full advantage once again of Roberts being distracted!
JAKE SHADES: Hey, what can I say, Roberts is in there against a SUPERIOR athlete!! The distractions just go to show how STUPID he really is!!
TONY ROSS: PCS pulls Roberts up and whips him to the
turnbuckle.... but Roberts reverses it and sends PCS
hurtling to the turnbuckle!! PCS hit that turnbuckle hard
and is half slumped in the corner.... Roberts rushes in
headlong..... PCS leaps up and over Roberts and Roberts
flies through the ropes and ....
VICTOR ALVAREZ: PCS quickly rolls him up for the 3 count and this match is history!! PCS continues his winning ways by defeating Wayne Roberts!!
JAKE SHADES: Roberts is going to have a KING SIZE headache in the morning!! Then again, NOBODY stands a chance against MY BOY PCS!!
TONY ROSS: Well you may be right on both accounts Shades. At any event, we'll be right back with tonights Main Event!
(Cameras fade out to a commercial for EXCEDRIN headaches...)
(Cameras fade back to ringside and Paul Kramer....)
PAUL KRAMER: Ladies and gentleman, our next battle is the MAIN EVENT of the evening!! It's for the FWF National Title, a 3 way, NO DQ, DOUBLE KNOCKOUT match, where EVERYTHING goes and the ONLY way to win is to leave BOTH your opponents KNOCKED OUT!! First, hailing from Death Valley, CA, standing at 6' even, and weighing 238 pounds... he's the ever dangerous.... GOLEEEEM!!!
(CUE UP: "God Bless The Bums" by Comeshot as the monstrosity known as Golem lumbers his way toward the ring.)
PAUL KRAMER: And the next combatant, hailing from Montreal Quebec, he stands at 6'-1" and weighs 245 pounds, he is the Current FWF Frontier Champion, he's JEAN RABESQUE!!!
(CUE UP: "Shapes Of Things" by The Jeff Healy Band as the Jean Rabesque, with the FWF Frontier Title draped over a shoulder, makes his way toward the ring.)
PAUL KRAMER: And the final combatant, hailing from Boston, MA, he stands at 6'-2" and weighs 285 pounds, he's the current FWF National Champion, and WILL be defending it tonight, he's HEEELIIIIIX!
(CUE UP: "Nobody's Fault" by Aerosmith as Helix, carrying the National Title under his arm, makes his way down to the ring.)
TONY ROSS: And Helix doesn't even wait for the bell!! He's all over Golem!! He doesn't even seem to care that Rabesque is also involved in this match!
VICTOR ALVAREZ: Tony Helix has been making it abundantly clear that he will seek retribution for what Golem did to Nostradamus a few weeks back and he looks as if he means it!
TONY ROSS: Jean Rabesque begins to pound on the back of Helix but it doesn't seem to have any effect as Helix ignores it and continues to beat on Golem!
VICTOR ALVAREZ: Golem is already down on his knees trying desperately to fend off Helix's onslaught and Rabesque decides to help beat down on Golem as well!!
JAKE SHADES: Hey!! That's not FAIR!! It's TWO on one and they attacked him before the bell!!
TONY ROSS: It's a NO DQ match Shades... ANYTHING goes!!
JAKE SHADES: But they're SISSY BOY fan favorites!! They're NOT supposed to be doing that!!
VICTOR ALVAREZ: When you're trying to capture the most coveted title in all of sports, you'll resort to ANYTHING, fan favorite or not!!
TONY ROSS: GOLEM ISN'T MOVING!!! HE'S JUST LAYING THERE WHILE RABESQUE AND HELIX CONTINUE POUNDING HIM!! GOLEM IS OUT COLD!! HE NEVER EVEN GOT A CHANCE TO THROW A SINGLE BLOW AND HE HAS ALREADY BEEN ELIMINATED!!
VICTOR ALVAREZ: Know Rabesque turns on Helix and nails him with a knee to the crotch!! Helix is doubled over in pain as Rabesque applies the figure four leg lock on him!!
TONY ROSS: I think Rabesque has forgotten that the ONLY way to win is to KNOCK Helix out cold!! He's going for the submission and even if Helix were to submit, it won't win Rabesque the title!!
JAKE SHADES: NO DQ!?! DAMN!! I SHOULDA HELPED OUT GOLEM THEN!! Then again, I have PCS now, I don't need that LOSER! (BLEEP) HIM!!
VICTOR ALVAREZ: Tony there seems to be someone making their way to the ring.... this person is wearing black and blue wrestling attire and down his legs are the words "Black Cat"?! Who is this guy?? WAIT A MINUTE!! I RECOGNIZE HIM!! THAT'S COPY CAT!!! What's he doing here?! Has he signed with the FWF?
TONY ROSS: Whether he signed with the FWF or not the main issue right now, what is, is that he's going to the top rope.... he leaps off with a frog splash and NAILS RABESQUE!! He picks up Rabesque and POWERBOMBS him!! And now he's just leaving as if nothing ever happened!! To my knowledge Copy Cat DOESN'T have an FWF contract or if he does, it's news to me!!
JAKE SHADES: I know what the deal is with Copy Cat.
TONY ROSS: Yeah right... (gives a sarcastic look) Helix gets struggles to his feet just as Copy Cat exits the ring and makes his way over to Rabesque who is starting to stir. He lifts Rabesque up and sits him on the top rope and stands over him.... OH MY GOD!! He's setting up for a TOP ROPE PILEDRIVER!!! AND HE LANDS IT!!! The referee rushes in to check on Rabesque.... RABESQUE IS OUT COLD!! HELIX HAS DONE IT!! HE'S DEFEATED BOTH GOLEM AND RABESQUE AND RETAINS THE NATIONAL TITLE!!
VICTOR ALVAREZ: Tony, someone else is making their way to the ring.... it looks like Noble Kale!! He's carrying something in his hand... it looks like... it is! It's a kitchen knife!!
JAKE SHADES: Oh yeah!! So this match won't be a total gyp
after all. CUT HIS
TONY ROSS: Helix isn't even aware of what's about to happen!
VICTOR ALVAREZ: Kale enters the ring and taps Helix on the shoulder......
TONY ROSS: Helix tutns and .... LOOKOUT!!!!
TONY ROSS: OH MY GOD!! Kale just sliced Helix open in the neck area with that kitchen knife!! Helix falls to the mat clutching his throat while Kale merely glares at him! Someone get that maniac out of there!!
JAKE SHADES: Why?? He's the best part of the match!!
VICTOR ALVAREZ: Kale begins to move in on Helix who is thrashing about wildly in his own blood but thinks better of it as he sees the Kalamazoo police heading toward the ring and decides to make a quick exit!!
TONY ROSS: It's total chaos here!! Thankfully the paramedics are on the scene and they rush Helix to the waiting ambulance! Fan's that's all the time we have, don't miss the next segment of FWF BATTLEGROUND that will be hosted in the Joe Louis Arena in Detroit, MI!!!
(Cameras fade out on Helix as he is being loaded into the waiting ambulance..... FADE OUT....)