Joe Louis Arena - Promoter Scott Malec
(FADE-IN: A scene of virtual white-out conditions. CUE-UP: "The Final Countdown" by Europe. A raging blizzard has overtaken the screen as the snow and wind are all that can be seen. The camera cuts through the winter maelstrom until a caravan of trucks can be seen plodding along a snow covered highway, slowly, but ever onward. The trucks pass under a sign that reads...."INTERSTATE 94 DETROIT KEEP RIGHT" Many cars can be seen ditched along the Interstate.)
V/O: "The Blizzard of 1999 has crippled Southern Michigan and the rest of the Midwest. State troopers, snow plows, and tow trucks are everywhere, but the Frontier Wrestling Federation trucks just keep moving eastward, toward their destination, DETROIT, MICHIGAN! BATTLEGROUND! MADNESS IN THE MOTOR CITY!"
(Soon, the snow clears and the skyline of Detroit looms in the distance as the caravan passes Wayne County International Airport.)
V/O: "This is a city that works, a gritty industrial city that has hit tremendous highs and tremendous lows, but tonight will be a high, because the FWF is in town!"
(The trucks are shown exiting into Downtown Detroit and pulling up at the Joe Louis Arena. CUT-TO: The inside of the Joe Louis Arena. Despite the terrible weather, 16,000 people have shown up to see FWF action at its best. The camera pans around the crowd before focusing on ringside, where Tony Ross, Victor Alvarez, and Jake Shades are shown sitting at a table with monitors. Shades is wearing a T-shirt that reads "IMPEACH MALEC" and has a really cheesy rayon tie wrapped around his neck. He is also wearing a cocky grin.)
TONY ROSS: "Fans, welcome to another edition of FWF Battleground on ESPN2! We are here in Detroit for a big event and tonight, Helix will face Pop Culture's Superhero for the FWF National Title, and what a showdown that will be!"
VICTOR ALVAREZ: "Tony, I think Helix and PCS are the FWF's two biggest stars right now, and it's only natural for them to face off against each other. Quite a rivalry has developed and Helix is the man that did put PCS out for a few months!"
JAKE SHADES: "Yeah, well PCS is gonna take care of all of that tonight! He and I have worked out a foolproof battle plan that's gonna make Helix look like a snot-nosed high school amateur! Ross, I can't wait to hear you screaming like a baby, 'We have a new champion! My God we have a new champion!' It's all gonna happen tonight!"
T.R.: "Also, Jean Rabesque will take on "Boy Toy" Beau Michaels for the U.S. Frontier Title! Micheals has been on a leave of absence but he has returned looking for gold!"
V.A.: "I hope Michaels has been training instead of making his adult videos, because rust is not something you want to have going into a match with Jean Rabesque! The conservative traditional wrestler versus the provacative self proclaimed sexiest man alive! That one should be a classic!"
J.S.: "As much as I hate Rabesque, Micheals is a little strange, a little queerish if you know what I mean!"
T.R.: "Yes, but that won't stop you from rooting for him! Seek and Destroy will defend the National Tag Team Titles against the Nation of Innovation! Noble Kale will battle Billy Matthews! All of that and so much more!"
TONY ROSS: "Let's go up to Paul for our first match of the evening!"
(The camera pans wide on the crowd and focuses in on FWF Ring Announcer Paul Kramer)
PAUL KRAMER: "Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to FWF BATTLEGROUND here in the Motor City! In our first match, coming to the ring," (CUE-UP: "Next MutherF!cker" by Marilyn Manson) "From right here in Detroit, Michigan, weighing in at 257lbs., "CHILD PRODIGY" JOHNNY HAVENS!!"
(Havens does not get a warm reception in Detroit as he walks to the ring wearing all Jnco gear)
"And his opponent," (CUE-UP: "Stop Being Greedy" by DMX) "From New York City, weighing in at 270lbs., VENOM!!"
(The crowd reacts with mostly boos as Venom strides emotionless to the ring wearing black baggy jeans)
T.R.: "Hold everything! FWF President Joe Lebron is walking at a brisk pace to the ring, and he has VP Eddie McCann right on his heels! I wonder what he has to say!"
JAKE SHADES: "Nothing intelligent, that's for sure! Do you ever wonder why he lets Malec do all the talking?"
T.R.: "Stop it!"
(Joe Lebron climbs into the ring wearing a grey silk suit and McCann follows shortly, sporting a black sportscoat and jeans. Lebron takes the mic from Kramer as McCann stands next to him with arms folded)
JOE LEBRON: "First of all, the reason why Mr. McCann and I are in the ring right now is all business, that's what we're about. We're not here to get involved physically, like the goofballs who lead other federations. (points to Venom) OK, Venom, I don't remember clearing you to wrestle. You got injured at the last house show and I don't want my talent getting hurt even worse. Take a walk to the back and put that knee on ice. You now have an official leave of absence."
(Venom has a dejected look on his face but does not complain and climbs out of the ring. The crowd reacts with surprise)
J.L.: "Now, as for YOU, Mr. Havens....We at the FWF have a
strict policy about showing up for autograph signings,
radio and TV promotions, and charity events within our
organization, and you haven't showed up to ANY of them in
months! This got by me for awhile now that the FWF has
grown into a large organization, but eventually I caught
wind of this!
(The crowd roars louder as a phalanx of Detroit Riot Police descend on the ring and grab Havens violently. He struggles mightily and almost breaks free, but one of the cops pulls out mace and sprays it in his eyes. Havens screams out in agony as he is carried away from ringside. The camera follows)
TONY ROSS: "Joe Lebron is cleaning house tonight! He doesn't want anything but 100% from his wrestlers and Havens is feeling the wrath!"
JAKE SHADES: "Big deal! *I* could go in there and talk like that to Havens, too! Lebron is just trying to impress everyone with his power! He doesn't even know what real power is, he's NOTHING to JC!"
T.R.: "Here we go again with your JC iconoclasting!"
J.S.: "Icono-WHAT??"
T.R.: "Just be quiet and watch this! Havens is being led through the locker room area by the Detroit Police and you can see some of the wrestlers watching this scene, and they have to wonder if this could be them! I think Lebron is getting his message through loud and clear!"
V.A.: "Lebron is showing everybody that he means business and is not fooling around! Poor Havens!"
T.R.: "Ohhh!! Did they just open that steel door with Havens' head!?? Talk about leaving unceremoniously!! Wow! The riot cops just threw Havens out into the snow in the alley! It's cold out there! Havens is lying face down in the snow, and wait a second! Who is that coming up to him!?"
J.S.: "It's Malec!!"
T.R.: "No it's not you imbecile, it's a homeless man with a bottle of whiskey! He staggers up to Havens' body and he bends down right by him! What did he say!?"
V.A.: "I think he offered Havens a drink!"
J.S.: "I'm telling you it's Malec! Lebron just got through ripping him for being inadequate in bed!"
T.R.: "All right, now you're getting silly! That homeless man is offering Johnny Havens a drink and Havens doesn't even respond as he cries out in pain from being maced!"
(The police slam the door in front of the camera and it cuts back to the broadcast position)
T.R.: "Well, Joe Lebron and Eddie McCann have decided to join us here at the announcer's table, and Joe, I have to say, that was a forceful show of authority, do you think this will be taken the wrong way?"
J.L.: "Well, it's up to everybody who has seen it. I'm not out here to throw my political weight around, no, that's not me. I'm just trying to make the FWF the best it can be. When you have superstars like Helix, PCS, Jean Rabesque, Seek and Destroy, Henry Goldwire, Jared Wells, the list goes on and on; you can't have lazy do-nothings clogging up the roster. This was just one example, there could be more."
V.A.: "So you're saying that Havens might not be the only wrestler to get the boot for not performing?"
J.L.: "I haven't singled anybody out yet, but there is always a possibility."
J.S.: "Mr. Lebron, does your head hurt a lot, because it's really big?"
T.R.: "Shades, put a lid on it! This is the President of the FWF!"
JOE LEBRON: "It's all right, Tony, I've been called worse by better people."
VICTOR ALVAREZ: "I don't mean to interrupt gentleman, but Codie Thompson is coming to ringside through the stands!"
(The crowd erupts in boos as Codie Thompson gets to ringside and goes to the announcer's table)
TONY ROSS: "As you fans may already know, "The Franchise" Codie Thompson has waged a personal war on Joe Lebron and the FWF and wants to be the president of the league!"
J.L.: "Oh, so you want to come and talk to me face to face, eh? Well go ahead and speak your mind because..."
CODIE THOMPSON: "Lebron, shut up and listen real, real
good!
(JC emerges from the entranceway and the crowd reacts loudly. JC has a mike)
JC: I am BACK!"
(Lebron looks stunned as he turns slowly to see JC)
C.T.: "There's one, but he is NOT the last!!"
(Lebron pushes Thompson away stiffly)
J.L.: "He's not supposed to be here!! Did you bring him here!!? We can sue, damnit!!"
(Thompson punches Lebron and dives over the table on top of him as the announcers ditch their headsets. Eddie McCann tries to pull Thompson off but to no avail. Just then, the crowd reacts to somebody running to ringside and Tony Ross gets his headset back on)
T.R.: "Here comes Michael "The Dragon" Kerrigan!! We haven't seen him for awhile as Thompson is on top of Joe Lebron behind the table! Kerrigan is here and he pulls Thompson right off of Lebron and punches him square in the jaw and follows it with a spin kick! Thompson goes stumbling back towards the aisle and McCann spins Kerrigan around from behind! Miss Honey has just rushed to ringside and is at McCann's side!"
(The cameras are close enough to hear what McCann and Kerrigan are saying. Shades can be seen in the background looking wide eyed at Miss Honey after unsuccessfully trying to get his headset to work)
EDDIE MCCANN: "What are you doing here!? You haven't even signed a contract yet in WAR and you think you can just show up here in the FWF and save the day!? I don't think so, pal! You had better get your head on straight before you become nothing more than a job toy in WAR!"
T.R.: "Lebron has gotten in between Kerrigan and now he has to break this up! Everything is happening so fast!"
VICTOR ALVAREZ: "Well, I'm back online here and I see "Rage o' Fire" Jared Wells has come out and is arguing with Codie Thompson as he stumbled to the back! Remember last show when they walked away together after their match!?"
TONY ROSS: "Yes I do and Thompson just shoves Wells aside and walks to the back and where did JC go!? The man just disappeared! Jared Wells looks like he did not approve of this at all and he returns to the back as well! Joe Lebron, Eddie McCann, Michael Kerrigan and Miss Honey are all arguing amongst themselves as they all make their way to the back, and Lebron looks shaken up but seems to be all right!"
VICTOR ALVAREZ: "Tony, what a flurry of action that was! First, Johnny Havens gets fired, Codie Thompson attacks Joe Lebron, JC appears, Michael Kerrigan makes the save, Eddie McCann argues with Kerrigan and Jared Wells doesn't approve of Thompson and they almost get into it! I'm out of breath!"
T.R.: "Thank God Jake's headset isn't working because I don't even want to hear what he has to say! What can we make of all this!? Codie Thompson hates Joe Lebron in the worst way, and Michael Kerrigan saves Lebron from Thompson and McCann yells at him? Could this mean internal friction?"
V.A.: "I think that is just between Kerrigan and McCann because there is a lot of bad blood! Maybe Kerrigan was trying to make things right by saving Lebron! He didn't even get to voice his side of the story so hopefully they're sorting this out now!"
JAKE SHADES: "I'M BACK!!"
T.R.: "Oh great, somebody tell Jim in the audio truck to turn him back off!"
J.S.: "Did you see that! That was a masterpiece! Do you see how JC can disrupt a show and cause turmoil! I love it! JC is in the building and there's nothing anyone can do about it! Ha ha ha! Not even Malec's goon squad can stop him! He even got McCann to turn against Lebron!"
T.R.: "That's BS and you know it, Shades, and it's also wishful thinking! That's between Kerrigan and McCann and JC has nothing to do with it!"
J.S.: "No matter, JC is here and the FWF is going to crumble at his feet! Ha ha ha ha!"
T.R.: "Fans, we haven't even had our first commercial break yet and we've had heart-stopping action! We'll be back, don't you dare go away!"
(Fade to a MWF New Year's Bash 1999 Promo)
(The camera fades back in from commercial and a camera pans across ringside showing some fans and their signs, some including "JC CAUSED THE BLIZZARD OF '99", "HEY PCS, PEPSI SUCKS", "I CAN TAKE THOMPSON", and a busty young lady in a low cut tank top shows off her autograph of "Boy Toy" Beau Michaels on the top of her right breast. The camera fades to Paul Kramer)
PAUL KRAMER: "In our next match, coming to the ring," (CUE-UP: "Millenium" by Killing Joke) "From Wichita, Kansas, at a combined weight of 505lbs., FALCON AND SHRIKE, THE BIRDS OF PREY!! They are accompanied by Condor!"
(The fans cheer as the Birds come trotting to the ring slapping hands wearing black tights with B.O.P 99 on their rearends)
P.K.: "And their opponents," (CUE-UP: "Judgment Day" by Method Man) "From Phoenix, Arizona, at a combined weight 555lbs., "DA RUFFNECK" REED HALL and "THE F'N SHOW" FULTON LEWIS, THE ORIGINATORS!!"
(The crowd boos as the Originators walk slowly to ringside taunting the fans. They wear black tights with "ORIGINATORS" running down the sides in Carolina Blue)
TONY ROSS: "Snowy Detroit is heating up big time now that the FWF is in town!"
JAKE SHADES: "Must you always use the cheesy dramatics?"
VICTOR ALVAREZ: "This is the Originators first match here in the FWF and the Birds of Prey are coming off a loss to Rob Anthony and Steve Lewiston last Battleground in Kalamazoo, and they want to rectify that immediately!"
J.S.: "I know what they need to rectAL-fy! They need to get the hell out of the FWF before they embarass themselves even more! These guys should have hung it up years ago!"
T.R.: "The Birds are one of the top teams in the nation, how can you say that!? Reed Hall is going to start off with Shrike, who is a singles veteran adapting to the tag team style of wrestling, and he certainly has a capable partner! There you see Condor looking on as they lock it up and Shrike with a quick armdrag! He tries a dropkick but Hall ducks and grabs his legs and thrusts him down!"
J.S.: "This is so irrelevant! JC is in the building! Ha ha ha ha!"
T.R.: "I'm sure Lebron will find a way to smoke him out! Weasels have a tendency to scurry from their hiding places when they get hungry!"
J.S.: "I'm gonna tell JC you said that! You WILL regret it!"
T.R.: "Oh stop being JC's errand boy and call the match! Hall puts the boots to Shrike and pulls him up viciously by the hair! he screams in Shrike's face before he drops him with a bulldog! Hall drops a leg and tags in Fulton Lewis! As you know, the Originators are allied with Codie Thompson, so who knows what can happen here! Thompson is still scheduled to wrestle!"
V.A.: "Thompson is set to wrestle Henry Goldwire, so we may see Goldwire victimized by some anti-FWF stunt!"
J.S.: "I'm starting to like that Thompson guy! He showed a lot of stones by jacking idiot Lebron like that! I would have finished the job of course!"
TONY ROSS: "You're lucky Lebron didn't end you after that smart remark!"
JAKE SHADES: "Notice how he didn't do anything after I said it! Lebron is AFRAID of me! Ha Ha Ha Ha! Now I need to teach the same respect to Malec! Where was he anyway!?"
V.A.: "Guys, I have just received word from the back that President Lebron is not going to press charges against Codie Thompson because he pushed Thompson first, prompting the fight!"
T.R.: "That was very honorable and stand-uppish! That shows that Lebron is mature and willing to do what is right!"
J.S.: "Keep that righteous vomit to yourself!"
T.R.: "Lewis continues to work on Shrike with a twisting armbar and he drops Shrike to the mat with a shoulderblock and still holds on to that armbar! Shrike is trying to reach Falcon but can't make it! Falcon is stomping the ropes getting the Detroit crowd into it!"
J.S.: "Look at these people, Detroit was the murder capital of the world at one time! I was afraid to even leave my limo at the entrance!"
T.R.: "You don't even have a limo, you rented a Hyundai from the airport and barely made it through the snow! Lewis continues to apply the pressure!"
V.A.: "This is what the Originators have to do to beat the Birds, cut the ring off and keep one of them in the ring to wear them down! The Birds are masters of tag team wrestling!"
T.R.: "Wait! Shrike gets to his feet and begins drilling Lewis with rights! He breaks his left arm free and now he assaults him with chops and punches! He staggers the 310 pound Lewis and dives and tags in Falcon! Falcon comes in with a beautiful flying dropkick and Lewis almost flips over the top rope!"
V.A.: "Nobody in this business does a better dropkick than Falcon and he just showed it there!"
J.S.: "And nobody spits all over the mike like you Vicky! You're like Niagara Falls over here!"
T.R.: "Whatever, Shades, At least he doesn't pick his nose at the broadcast table like you!"
J.S.: "I do not, and I'll slap you if you ever make that accusation again!"
T.R.: "Falcon hits Lewis with a flying clothesline and the fans respond! He's going up top! Ohh!! Hall shook the rope from the outside and Falcon crotched himself! Falcon sits on the top rope as Hall gets tagged in! Wait! Falcon hops up on the top rope and hits a picture perfect hurracanrana into a rollup!! 1-2-3!! He got him!! What a move!"
V.A.: "Falcon may have been playing oppossum there and fooled hall into believing he was hurt! Nice win there for the Birds of Prey!"
J.S.: "Playing oppossum!? Victoria, Falcon has nothing there for him to get hurt when he fell on the top rope! He never even felt that!"
T.R.: "Jake, you can think what you want, but we need to take a commercial break!"
(The camera fades back in from commercial and an outside aerial shot of Joe Louis Arena is shown as some snow plows can be seen trying to plow some of the parking lot as red taillights of cars go by slowly. CUT-TO: The inside of Joe Louis Arena and Paul Kramer in the ring)
PAUL KRAMER: In our next match, coming to the ring," (CUE-UP: "God Bless the Bums" by Comeshot) "From Death Valley, California, weighing in at 238lbs., GOLEM!!"
(The crowd erupts with boos as Golem walks awkwardly to ringside with a maniacal look on his face grimacing at the fans)
P.K.: "And his opponent," (CUE-UP: "We Wish You a Merry Christmas" by the Detroit Metropolitan Choir) "From the North Pole, weighing in at 345lbs., ZANTA KLAWZ!!"
(The crowd doesn't know what to think about this late Christmas appearance and Zanta Klawz does not appear from behind the curtain)
TONY ROSS: "Well, where is he? Did he go back to the North Pole?"
JAKE SHADES: "No, he's making sure he gives Lebron and Malec some special Christmas TREATS if you know what I mean!"
T.R.: "You're disgusting...."
(The camera cuts quickly back to the locker room and Zanta Klawz is shown tied up with his face doused in milk and cookies spewing out of his mouth. Then, jumping in front of the camera, is Nostradamus)
NOSTRADAMUS: "Well, HOLEM, too bad my good pal Zanta Klawz had a bit of an accident....a reindeer (BLEEP) on his head! (chuckles as crowd pops) So it looks like, NOSSIE, 100%, is gonna have to take his place!"
T.R.: "Oh my!! Nostradamus is back with a vengeance! He is sporting a new really hardcore look as he sprints to the ring and dives at Golem!!"
V.A.: "Nostradamus has recieved some serious injuries in the last few weeks and I wonder if he is really at 100%! He could hurt himself even more against this wild man Golem!"
J.S.: "You got that right, Vicky! Golem is gonna tear Nossie a new bunghole out there and I am itchin to see it! Get em Golem, GET EM!!"
T.R.: "Neither man is giving an inch here in the return of Nostradamus as they scrape and claw at each other like wildcats! Remember that Golem's claw hold is outlawed and if he uses it, he's DQ'd!"
V.A.: "Nostradamus is the reason why that hold was banned, and he's here to extract some revenge!"
J.S.: "But he ain't gonna get it because Golem is too vicious for this wannabe!"
T.R.: "Nossie with a vicious rake of the eyes followed by a boot to the gut! He comes off the ropes with a flying forearm that floors Golem! The crowd is eating this up! They want to see Golem destroyed! Golem has been on a tear in the FWF after maiming Nossie and even National Champ Helix with that claw!"
JAKE SHADES: "I hope Helix doesn't feel too safe because Golem will be back to kill him, but too bad PCS gets to do it first tonight!"
TONY ROSS: "Nostradamus is in control here as he savagely boots at Golem's head and he calls to the crowd! They want blood! Ohhh! Golem thrust his fist up right at Nosssie's weak spot! That had to hurt!"
VICTOR ALVAREZ: "We are not going to see too many wrestling moves in this match! This will be an all-out hardcore brawl!"
J.S.: "And Golem is the MASTER of brawling!"
T.R. "Nossie doubles over in pain as Golem gets up and grabs him by the hair and he's biting his face!! Referee Sal Putz is trying to break them apart but it's not working! Golem is trying to eat Nossie's nose! Nossie gets a shot to the gut in and hits him with a short clothesline, but he rolls to the mat trying to see if his nose is still there!"
J.S.: "Ah, Nossie's lucky, now he won't be able to smell the stench this dump emanates!"
T.R.: "Cut it out, this is a world class arena, home of the NHL Red Wings!"
J.S.: "Case closed, you ever see those goon fans throw octopuses onto the ice!?"
T.R.: "It's octopi, you illiterate!"
J.S.: "Excuse me, Rhodes scholar!"
V.A.: "I believe Golem drew blood on Nostradamus, his nose appears to be bleeding!"
T.R.: "Look at Golem, he appears to be sniffing it like a shark after his prey! Golem gets to his feet and charges Nossie and he flies through the ropes! This one is going to the outside! Golem goes out on the apron and waits for Nossie to get up! He dives! He missed!! Golem goes shoulderfirst into the railing and he is hurt!"
V.A.: "This will buy time for Nostradamus to recover!"
J.S.: "No, it will buy time for Nossie to delay the inevitable ass-kicking Golem is gonna deliver to him First-Class!"
T.R.: "Nossie collects himself and he grabs a folding chair! What's he going to do with it!? He places it on the apron and grabs Golem up by the hair! Ohhh!! He slammed Golem onto the apron and the chair! Wow! I've never seen that before!"
J.S.: "Get up Golem, don't let this cripple do that to you! For cryin' out loud this guy had to be helped to the bathroom no more than a week ago!"
T.R.: "Nostradamus is showing no signs of injury here except that bitten nose as he certainly is bleeding! Nossie rolls Golem into the ring! He's going up top! Somersault splash!! Nailed beautifully!! 1-2-no!! How did he kick out of that!"
V.A.: "That was a spectacular move Golem just kicked out of there and he is showing how truly tough he is!"
J.S.: "It's only a matter of time for Golem to come back!"
TONY ROSS: "Nossie pulls him up and whips him in! Flying knee to the head and that rocked Golem's neck viciously! Nossie calls to the crowd again and this may be the coup-de-gras for this returning FWF star! He grabs Golem in a pumphandle! What could this be!? Ohhh!! Golem blocks and knees Nossie in the groin! Both men collapse to the mat!"
VICTOR ALVAREZ: "That may have been Nostradamus' finisher but Golem saved himself there and has time to recover!"
JAKE SHADES: "Like I said, it's only a matter of time!"
T.R.: "Golem somehow gets to his feet shaking off the cobwebs and pulls the bleeding Nossie to his feet! Body slam and Golem follows quickly with a fistdrop! No, Nossie rolled out of the way! Again!!"
V.A.: "Somebody is running to the ring!! I don't know who it is!"
T.R.: "Who is that!? Nossie keeps rolling and rolling out to the apron and whoever that is has a can of spray paint and he ducks under tha arpon and sprays Nossie right in the eyes!! I have no idea who this is! Referee Putz never saw it! Golem drags Nossie back to the middle of the ring and pulls him up! Backbody driver!! Ohh!! Putz got hit in the face with Nossie's leg, hard!!"
V.A.: "And Golem just looks at this and laughs! This is his time to do whatever he wants!"
J.S: "CLAW!! CLAW!! CLAW!! YEAAHHHH!!!!"
T.R.: "Golem applies the Claw!! Sal Putz is out and doesn't see it!! He has it right in Nossie's mouth and blood is oozing out of his mouth! Golem is getting away with this and where did that guy with the spray paint go! Nossie is bleeding from his nose, blinded, and has the Claw in his mouth!"
J.S.: "There is a God!! What did I tell you guys!?"
T.R.: "Putz is getting up and Golem lets off before he sees it! Golem is not pinning him! He drags him to the center of the ring and he's going up top! He doesn't go up there too often! Wow!! A twisting moonsault, hit perfectly!! That was incredible!! 1-2-3!! Forget it!"
V.A.: "Golem showed a new maneuver there and that may prove that he is not just a brawler and is definately a force to be reckoned with here in the FWF!"
J.S.: "And Nossie's going right back to the hospital! I love this! The dumb jerk tries to get revenge and just gets beaten even worse! Ha ha ha ha! The FWF had better watch out for Golem, because he is on the rampage! Plus, JC is here so it's turning out to be a great night, and when PCS wins because of my strategy, I will be on Cloud 9 and laughing at you two jerks! Ha ha ha!"
T.R.: "Well, it remains to be seen if PCS can beat Helix, but you have Golem on your Win list for this evening and you can gloat all you want! It's my job to announce that we have to go to a commercial! Don't go away!"
(The camera comes back from commercial and immediately pans over to the entranceway as someone is emerging from the curtains)
TONY ROSS: "Well fans, we are back and FWF VP Scott Malec is making his way to the ring!"
JAKE SHADES: "It's about time this coward showed up! I want to see the look on is face when JC kicks him in the head! Ha ha!"
(Malec is wearing a black leather jacket with a blue button up shirt on underneath, with black jeans. He takes the mic from Paul Kramer and climbs into the ring. The fans are mostly cheering)
SCOTT MALEC: "OK, it seems that we have a problem. In the
building tonight is a man I despise, a man who has tried to
ruin me on several occassions, a man who is a scar on the
face of pro wrestling, and that is JC!
JC: (interrupting) "Spare me your shpiel, Malec!"
(The cameras pan up to one of the luxury boxes at the Joe Louis Arena and zooms in, and JC along with MWF President Michael Motta are shown with various other men and women)
JC: "You can't kick me out of here Malec, because I own this skybox! Didn't you know that one of the top-ranking executives at JC Unlimited is a big NHL fan and loves the Red Wings? I bought this for him as a Christmas present! Now shut the hell up and let me watch your pitiful show so I can plan the FWF's utter DEMISE!!"
(The crowd erupts with boos, but Malec remains calm and collected)
S.M.: "So you pulled a fast one on us, JC, big deal! But at least since you're here, you'll get to see some REAL action and not that MINOR LEAGUE TRASH you put on in the MWF! Sit back, relax and enjoy the show, because you're never going to see anything like it in your league! Ha ha! Cut his mike!"
(Malec leaves the ring to the cheers as the camera pans away from JC's skybox)
T.R.: "Malec certainly told him off! But JC is legally in the building and Malec can't do anything about it!"
J.S.: "I bet he thinks he was all big and bad in that ring and JC just made a damn fool out of him! Like I said, JC knows how to cause chaos and he's sitting in on an FWF event like a Roman emperor at the Colosseum! Hats off to you, JC!"
V.A.: "Notice that Michael Motta, the president of the Millenium Wrestling Federation was up there as well, so this could be a scouting mission for them! If JC and Motta have accepted the challenge, we should soon be seeing a FWF/MWF head-to-head PPV!"
T.R.: "What a war that would be! OK fans,we have to take a quick break and we'll be back on ESPN2 from Detroit!"
J.S.: "And so will JC! Ha ha ha!"
(Fade to a WAR promo)
(The camera comes back from commercial and pans the crowd and focuses on three guys holding signs that have the letters "P", "C", and "S" on them. Another sign reads "WILL JOB FOR BEER" and another reads "RABESQUE WILL CASTRATE MICHAELS". A group of drunken fans in Detroit Lions jerseys are getting ready to moon the camera when it quickly fades to Paul Kramer in the ring)
PAUL KRAMER: "In our next match, coming to the ring," (CUE-UP: "Jump Around" by House of Pain) "From Phoenix, Arizona, weighing in at 255lbs., "THE FRANCHISE" CODIE THOMPSON!!"
(The crowd boos loudly as Thompson makes his second appearance of the night, wearing a long black robe that is inscribed with "FRANCHISE" in Carolina blue. As he enters the ring, he points up to JC and Motta's skybox and raises his fists to them)
P.K.: "And his opponent," (CUE-UP: "Mary Jane's Last Dance" by Tom Petty) "Also from Phoenix, Arizona, weighing in at 283lbs., HENRY GOLDWIRE!!"
(The fans cheer as Goldwire walks to the ring confidently wearing red tights)
TONY ROSS: "Wait a minute! Somebody just attacked Goldwire from behind!! Who is it!?"
VICTOR ALVAREZ: "That's 'Extreme' Johnny Gunnz!!"
T.R.: "What is he doing here, I thought he was let go by the FWF! Whatever happened before doesn't matter now because he is beating Goldwire down and Thompson is laughing his head off! He must be allied with Thompson!"
J.S.: "Gee, Tony, ya think!? No wonder Lebron pays you so much, your knowledge is unparalleled!"
T.R.: "Gunnz dumps Goldwire into the ring and it appears he will remain at ringside! Thompson points to Gunnz and they are smiling broadly at each other! Thompson drags Goldwire to his feet and hits a huge uppercut!"
V.A.: "There is a lot riding on this match between the two Phoenix natives! Goldwire continues his beeline for title matches with win after win, and Thompson has to prove that he is a serious threat by beating Goldwire here!"
T.R.: "Well, Thompson not only has the backing of JC, but now he has Johnny Gunnz as well! Thompson whips Goldwire in and hits a nice clothesline! Goldwire was in trouble from the get-go!"
J.S.: "I lost a lot of money on Goldwire in the past and I hope Thompson makes an example out of this chump! Lebron is probably cowering in the corner in back now that Thompson is back out! Did anybody see that neck brace and jaw support Lebron is wearing!? Ha ha!"
T.R.: "Joe Lebron is wearing no such thing! Malec did not address that attack earlier so I guess they really are going to let it go! Thompson drops a flying elbow! He pulls Goldwire up, who is by no means a small man, and he nails a northern lights suplex into a bridge!! 1-2-Kickout!"
V.A.: "Thompson has had some tough opponents here in the FWF with the likes of Jared Wells and Noble Kale among them, and this may be Thompson's biggest test and he looks good!"
JAKE SHADES: "His biggest test?? Goldwire is a pushover and I found that out the hard way! The guy has no mean streak!"
TONY ROSS: "Nobody's meaner than you, Shades! You are a monster! Yeah, right! Thompson continues his assault on Goldwire and whips into the ropes! He ducks down and Goldwire hits a snap neckbreaker!"
VICTOR ALVAREZ: "Classic rookie mistake by Thompson, he put his head down too early and he paid for it! You can't do that against Goldwire, a savvy ring veteran and former World Champion!"
T.R.: "Goldwire slowly gets to his feet but Thompson trips him up! Thompson gets up favoring his neck and drags Goldwire to the corner! He uses the ropes for leverage and he's stomping on the head of Goldwire! Danny Diaper is trying to pry him off and now Thompson is arguing with him! While Diaper is distracted, Gunnz is choking away at Goldwire and the fans are screaming at Diaper to look!"
J.S.: "Diaper's too stupid to realize what is going on! You know how he feels about 6th Grade?"
T.R.: "No, what, dare I ask?"
J.S.: "It was the toughest 4 years of his life!"
T.R.: "Thompson back to the attack and Goldwire and Thompson is continuing in his quest to take over the FWF, which is a mighty task! Joe Lebron, Scott Malec, and Eddie McCann will not allow that to happen!"
J.S.: "Here we go with the ass-kissing again!"
T.R.: "I'm merely stating the facts!"
J.S.: "Thompson can do anything as long as JC is on his side!"
T.R.: "You treat JC like a deity and I'm the one who kisses you know what!? Come on, Shades! Thompson has a headlock on Goldwire but he makes it to the ropes and the hold should be broken here but it isn't! Thompson is now choking Goldwire by the ropes as Gunnz eggs him on!"
V.A.: "I still can't believe Thompson attacked the president of the FWF and got away with it! Joe Lebron showed some class with his decision, I'd have to admit!"
J.S.: "Come on, everybody gets away with hitting their boss nowadays, why, just the other day I took a shot at Malec in his office and...."
T.R.: "I don't even want to hear this! Vic, what of the connection with Jared Wells? It looked like Wells did not approve of what Thompson did!"
V.A.: "It's no secret that "Rage o' Fire" Jared Wells has a good relationship with the FWF officials, and he did seem to make friends with Thompson after their match in Kalamazoo! But Wells definitely did not approve of Thompson's action!"
T.R.: "I would strike him off as an ally for Thompson in his quest for FWF presidency! And here comes Goldwire! He's making a comeback as the fans respond! Rights, lefts, and a big kneelift! He almost put Thompson's nose through his face! Goldwire takes a short breather as Thompson writhes on the mat!"
VICTOR ALVAREZ: "This is how Goldwire operates, he is such a smart wrestler! He always takes breathers and conserves his energy and he allowed Thompson to wear himself out! This could be it for Thompson!"
JAKE SHADES: "Goldwire hasn't even done a move yet and you're already declaring victory!?"
TONY ROSS: "Goldwire pulls Thompson to his feet and slams him right back down and comes off the ropes with a knee to the head! Goldwire right back up and hits an elbow! He drags Thompson to his feet and whips him into the corner! Running shoulderblock and Thompson got the wind knocked right out of him! Bulldog by Goldwire out of the corner!! A pin!! 1-2-Noo!! So close!"
V.A.: "What a flurry of moves by Goldwire! Thompson can't even catch his breath!"
J.S.: "Don't worry, he'll find a way to screw up, he always does! And Vicky will be crying in his cup full of booze there!"
T.R.: "That's not booze in his cup, Shades, which is more than I can say for that Slurpee cup full of Moonshine you got there!"
J.S.: "Are you accusing me of drinking on the job!?"
T.R.: "What a hypocrite! Goldwire hooks Thompson up and hits a suplex! He held him up there for a couple of seconds then nailed him! Goldwire now makes a wish with Thompson's legs! Ouch! I hope Thompson is limber!"
J.S.: "Leave it to Goldwire to use a cheap tactic like that!"
T.R.: "But Golem and PCS and your other favorites never use cheap tactics, right?"
J.S.: "Damn straight, those guys are as clean as a whistle!"
T.R.: "Goldwire pulls 'The Franchise' up and hits a Russian leg sweep followed by a pin! 1-2-kickout! Johnny Gunnz is yelling into the ring and Goldwire goes over to him and they start arguing! Goldwire knows it was Gunnz that attacked him! Thompson is up and he charges Goldwire from behind! Ohhh!! He sidestepped Thompson and whipped him right over the ropes!!"
V.A.: "Many wrestlers would have fallen for that trick, but not Goldwire! He knew Thompson was going to attack and now he's paying for it with a smack of the concrete!"
T.R.: "Gunnz assists Thompson to his feet and the fans at ringside are screaming at him to get back in there! Thompson is buying some time here to collect himself, as Gunnz continues to argue! Ohh! Goldwire just tried to kick Gunnz through the ropes and he just missed! His head would have flew off if he connected!"
V.A.: "Goldwire is still obviously upset over that earlier attack by Gunnz!"
J.S.: "No, Goldwire is just pissed off because he knows Thompson and Gunnz are getting more attention in the FWF than he is! Goldwire is the number one contender and nobody cares!"
T.R.: "Thompson and Gunnz both pull a leg of Goldwire under the ropes and out of the ring! Diaper warns Gunnz to lay off and he obliges!"
TONY ROSS: "Hey!! Gunnz just knelt down behind Goldwire and Thompson clotheslined him over! Get out there Diaper and get this goon out of there!"
JAKE SHADES: "Diaper doesn't even know his own phone number and you expect him to call a match fairly! Ha!"
VICTOR ALVAREZ: "Well,it looks like Goldwire has to overcome 2 wrestlers here!"
T.R.: "Thompson rolls Goldwire into the ring and he is signalling that this could be the end! He points up at JC's box and there you see him up there and look at this!! JC just gave the thumbs down signal which means finish Goldwire!! Who does he think he is!?"
J.S.: "Ha ha ha ha ha!! This is classic!!"
T.R.: "Thompson turns Goldwire around and it look like he's going for a hangman's neckbreaker!! Goldwire is blocking it!! Goldwire spins around and slaps on the "Lights Out" sleeper and the fans erupt!! This is it for Thompson!!"
V.A.: "They're too close to the ropes and Gunnz gets a kidney shot in on Goldwire! Diaper saw it! There's the bell!"
T.R.: "Gunnz is in now and is pounding on the back of Goldwire!! The bell is ringing and Codie Thompson is going to get disqualified! Gunnz and Thompson are beating on Goldwire!"
J.S.: "Oh come on!! Diaper suddenly opens his eyes and Thompson gets DQ'd!? They didn't do nothin'! This is a travesty!! Kick him some more guys!"
T.R.: "Thompson and Gunnz are putting the boots to Goldwire and now Gunnz is on top pounding away as Thompson goes to get the mic!"
CODIE THOMPSON: "You see...it's good to have money! Here is another recruit, Johnny Gunnz...and there will be MORE!"
T.R.: "Thompson drops the mike and continues his assualt and....hold everything!! The crowd is roaring because Jared Wells is charging to ringside!! Gunnz and Thompson fly out of the ring like two fighter jets and they stand outside as Wells yells at them from the ropes!"
V.A.: "Well, I think it's obvious where Jared Wells stands! He thought he may have had a friend in Thompson but now he's discovering how low Thompson will stoop to get a point across!"
T.R.: "Wells is challenging both of them to get into the ring but the damage has already been done as they walk away laughing! Goldwire is still lying hurt in the ring and who knows what could have happened if Jared Wells didn't come down!"
J.S.: "Wells should have just stayed in the back and minded his own business! "Rage o' Fart" is gonna get himself hurt if he keeps sticking his nose in Thompson's business, especially since JC is in the building!"
V.A.: "Jared Wells was just doing what was right, Shades, Thompson wasn't proving anything by that attack!"
J.S.: "Ohh, the Goldwire shill speaks! You both make me sick!"
T.R.: "We will return after this on ESPN2!"
(The camera fades back from commercial and is on the three announcers at the table at ringside)
TONY ROSS: "Fans, I have just recieved word that there is a disturbance in the back and we have dispatched Otis "The Periscope" Sawyer, our trusty cameraman, to go back and see what's going on!"
JAKE SHADES: "I think JC just ordered 600 pizzas for Lebron, Malec, and McCann in back! Ha ha ha!"
(The shot switches to the utility area in back of the Joe Louis Arena and we see all kinds of scaffolding, the Red Wings zamboni, and other assorted equipment. A loud constant banging is heard and a loud voice is heard from behind a steel door)
VOICE: "Let me in this God (bleep) building before I freeze my ass off!! I'm tellin' ya, let me in now before I rearrange somebody's dental structure ya damn morons!!"
V.A.: "Who is that?"
J.S.: "It's the pizza man! Malec won't answer the door!"
(Just then, a security man opens the door which had a 2x4 keeping it closed and a scruffy looking but well built man storms in with snow on his hair and shoulders)
T.R.: "That's NEVADA SMITH!!"
NEVADA SMITH: "It's about time ya monkey(bleep)s!! Somebody better explain to me why that God (bleep) door wasn't opened the minute I came to it!"
SECURITY MAN: "Mr. Smith, you were not booked for this event tonight, and the wrestler's entrance is on the other side of the building!"
N.S.: "You think I'm gonna carry my carcass all the way across Detroit just so I can satisfy yer ugly ass!? I don't use no wrestler's entrance, I go in wherever I damn well please! Now somebody better tell me where in sam hell that goofball Joe Lebron is cuz I needs ta chat with him, if you know what I'm spewin'!"
SECURITY MAN: "Nevada, you are not allowed to see him without an appointment, you know that."
N.S.: "Ah, screw this horse(bleep)!"
(Smith barges past the security official and several other wideeyed onlookers and begins storming through the catacombs of Joe Louis Arena)
N.S.: "What the hell are you lookin' at, little man!? You ain't never seen a wrassler before??"
T.R.: "I don't believe this! Nevada Smith has just barged into the arena here in Detroit and is out for blood! I heard the rumors but I didn't know he was signed!"
V.A.: "I believe he was just signed yesterday but he was not booked to wrestle tonight and he really wants to see Lebron!"
J.S.: "My man!! Nevada! He's here and he's gonna DESTROY Lebron!! Yeah!!"
T.R.: "There you see Nevada Smith storming past the Red Wings locker room and I believe some wrestlers are in there! He just keeps on going past it!"
TONY ROSS: "Look at him, he just stared down one of our audio people as he went by them! This guy is nuts!"
VICTOR ALVAREZ: "Tony, I believe he's heading for the ring!"
(Nevada Smith sees the ring entranceway as the camera continues to follow him and he bursts through the curtains and what he sees and hears is unexpected. The Detroit crowd roars in approval. Smith is visibly surprised)
JAKE SHADES: "What in the world are these morons cheering for!!? Only *I* can cheer for Smith! Shut up you peons, you don't even know who Smith is and what he's about!"
T.R.: "This is really bothering you isn't it Jake!? Smith walks briskly to the ring with those ripped up jeans and snakeskin boots, looking every bit the biker that he is! He climbs into the ring and almost rips Kramer's arm off as he grabs the mic! Let's hear what he has to say!"
N.S.: "La-De-Da! Nevada Smith is here and all that happy horseflop! Get me someone out here who has half a brain an' some power 'round here, like right now! Lebron, Malec, McCann, I don't care!!" (crowd pops)
V.A.: "He's calling out the leaders of the FWF! I wonder what this is all about!"
N.S.: "Now, damnit, I ain't got all damn week!"
T.R.: "VP Scott Malec has emerged from behind the curtain!"
N.S.: "Ok, I like your promptness VP boy! Now listen and listen real tight! Why in the hell am I not wrasslin' on this card?"
S.M.: "Nevada, you were just signed yesterday, it takes time to process papers and file your salary in the computers and all that! I just can't throw you in a ring, we haven't even got results from your drug test yet!"
N.S.: "I'm clean, Malec, and don't you dare assume that I do that kinda (bleep) you F'N coward! Get me a match before I wring yer scrawny little neck, ya stuffed suit!" (pop)
S.M.: "Nevada, I have no problem with you and I'm very glad we signed you, but you CANNOT wrestle tonight! But I PROMISE you, on the next Battleground, you WILL get a match against whoever you want as long as it's not a title match! How does that sound?" (pop with some boos)
N.S.: "Well, I'm a patient man, I've always been. I don't care about titles, titles are just decorations. I just want ta break some damn bones! I came here cuz I knew there would be some big fish to fry, and damnit, that's what I plan ta do! Malec, ya better not be pullin' my chain, otherwise I'm gonna rip your lungs from yer chest, got it?" (pop)
S.M.: "Next Battleground, I promise!"
N.S.: "I'll be there, rain, sleet or snow! And don't be throwin' no jobbers at me, cuz I'll make sure ya never sharpen a pencil or sign a check again!"
T.R.: "And with that, Smith throws down the mic and storms out of the ring and Malec wisely disappears behind the curtain! Nevada Smith has arrived in the FWF with a thunderous bang!"
V.A.: "I don't know if this is a blessing or a liability! Smith is a very dangerous man!"
JAKE SHADES: "He's as dangerous as they come, Vicky, and these fans better shut their mouths before he sticks his boot in each and every one of their crevices!"
TONY ROSS: "I don't think Smith cares what the fans think, he just wants to beat up on wrestlers! Smith hasn't been in the spotlight in a long time but now he's in the FWF and ready to tear a path of destruction! Fans, we have to take a break and we will return right after this on ESPN2 from Detroit!"
(The camera fades to black. Static fills the screen and a voice is heard)
V/O: "The Internet has been called the new FRONTIER of communication. It has changed the lives of many, many people. In a few weeks, it will change the face of wrestling. Never before has the Internet seen action like this. Coming soon, the FWF will be taking the Internet by storm! An Internet-only broadcast of the Frontier Wrestling Federation will be burning up cyberspace, so make sure your hard drives are ready and your modems fired up, because Internet communication will NEVER BE THRE SAME!!"
(Fade to an FWF logo on a computer screen)
(The camera comes back from commercial and focuses on JC and Mike Motta's skybox before panning back down and focusing on Paul Kramer in the ring)
PAUL KRAMER: "Our next match is for the FWF National Tag Team Titles!! First, coming to the ring, the challengers," (CUE-UP: "Sad But True" by Metallica) "From Compton, California, at a combined weight of 490lbs., BRIAN TAYLOR and KIRK WILLIAMS, THE NATION OF INNOVATION!!"
(NOI comes to the ring to mostly cheers wearing Sabu-style pants, colored orange and purple respectively. They seem to be arguing about something as usual)
P.K.: "And their opponents," (CUE-UP: "Seek and Destroy" by Metallica) "at a combined weight of 383lbs., "THE HUMAN DEMOLITION DERBY" DARREN MACMILLAN and SAGE, SEEK AND DESTROY!! They are the FWF National Tag Team Champions!"
(the crowd roars as the champions make their way to the ring, and Sage is more subdued than Macmillan, as he slaps many fans hands and has a big smile on his face)
TONY ROSS: "Did I hear correctly? 383 pounds??"
VICTOR ALVAREZ: "Yes you did Tony, Seek and Destroy is the smallest team in wrestling today but they are the champions, which just shows how much skill they have!"
JAKE SHADES: "And I'm just waiting for some tag team to come along and squash these two bugs, but I hate the Mercenaries, I hate the Birds of Prey, so I guess we're stuck with Tattoo and Gary Coleman!"
T.R.: "Wait! Brian Taylor of NOI has grabbed the mic! He's standing next to Sage as Williams goes by Macmillan!"
BRIAN TAYLOR: "Sage and Derby, I would just like to thank you for this title shot. My buddy Kirk and I REALLY appreciate the fact that you recognized that we are the most TITILATING TAG TEAM in the history of professional wrestling and more deserving of the tag team gold than the TWO OF YOU!!"
T.R.: "Hey, what is this!? NOI is attacking Sage and Macmillan!! What the hell was that all about!? That's how they thank Seek and Destroy for a title shot!?"
J.S.: "I love it!! That is what you have to do to get anywhere around here! Bravo, Nation of Innovation, Bravo!"
V.A.: "I knew NOI was a little bit cocky and arrogant but I didn't expect this!"
T.R.: "Sage gets dumped over the top rope and Macmillan is suffering through some major double teaming here! They both whip Macmillan in and hit him with a double elbow! Double slam!! Now they are putting the boots to him and William Bennett pushes Brian Taylor to his corner, he will have none of this!"
V.A.: "That's why Bennett does the title matches, he will not allow any funny stuff to go on!"
T.R.: "Williams pulls Macmillan to his feet and hits a side slam! 1-2-No! Williams comes off the ropes with a big flying splash!! 1-2-Kickout!! NOI wants to end this early!"
J.S.: "No, no! Prolong the beatings! I want to see Seek and Destroy abused!"
TONY ROSS: "The fans are really getting on NOI for their cowardly sneak attack on Seek and Destroy and.."
JAKE SHADES: "Oh, who cares what these chowderheads think! They live in a burned out ghetto and expect to voice an opinion!? Please! They need to worry about themselves first!"
T.R.: "We're not here to discuss socio-economic conditions here in Detroit, Shades, we're here to call a match!"
J.S.: "Socio-e-con-o what??"
T.R.: "Forget it! Williams continues his assault with a nice dropkick! He pulls Macmillan to the ropes and jumps up and hits a spinning tornado DDT!! Wow!! 1-2-No! Williams is all over Macmillan as Sage is itching to get in!" V.A.: "It took Sage a while to get back on the apron, because he did take a hard fall! But I think Sage is the more disciplined member of Seek and Destroy, he's like a father figure to Macmillan!"
J.S.: "They both suck!"
T.R.: "Thanks for that thoughtful insight, Jake! You don't get to be FWF National Tag Team Champions by sucking! Williams tags in Taylor and he leaps up on the top rope! Williams has Macmillan in a back suplex position and Taylor flies over and legdrops him as Williams drops him! Wow!! They are definately living up to their name here!"
V.A.: "If this keeps up, we could see new champions, because Macmillan is showing no signs of offense!"
T.R.: "Both members of NOI are in now kicking and punching at Macmillan and Sage flies over referee Bennett and nails both Taylor and Williams!! The crowd eats it up!! Bennett pushes Sage back to the corner as the crowd voices their displeasure! Williams and Taylor slowly get up and continue doubleteaming and now Bennett is in Williams face yelling at him to get back in the corner and Williams pushes him and Willie pushes back!! He's not going to take that stuff, Williams!"
J.S. "Bennett had better keep his hands off the wrestlers or he is going to pay the price! Lebron will fine him all of what little pay he makes!"
T.R.: "Didn't you see Williams push him first!?"
J.S.: "Nope.....(hums)"
V.A.: "Macmillan seems to be gaining some energy back as he starts reaching for the corner, but Taylor stops him!"
T.R.: "He pulls Macmillan up and here's a crucifix rollup!! 1-2-No! Haven't seen that in awhile! Taylor tags Williams back in and he's up top! Taylor holds Macmillan as he takes a missile dropkick right to the face, and his body had no give and absorbed the full impact! Great move by NOI!! 1-2-Almost! Macmillan is in serious trouble now as Williams brings him to his feet and whips him in! Williams leapfrogs him and Macmillan comes back off with a hurracanrana!! How in the world did he do that!!?"
V.A.: "Macmillan had something left in his gas tank and used it on Williams! He has got to make a tag!!"
J.S.: "Get him Williams!! He's gonna tag in that skinny Oriental! Nooooo!!!!"
TONY ROSS: "The tag is made!! Sage comes in like a nuclear explosion! Williams gets blasted with a huge chop and gets laid out! Taylor comes in and gets taken down with a rolling head scissors! Sage is cleaning up!"
VICTOR ALVAREZ: "Sage is in such great condition, he could keep this pace up all night!"
JAKE SHADES: "And nausea would set in from watching this twerp run around like an idiot!"
T.R.: "Taylor rolls to the outside and Williams is the legal man! Sage grabs him and whips him in! Sage comes off the perpendicular ropes and bulldogs him!! Double underhook piledriver!! 1-2-no!! Sage almost retained the titles there!"
V.A.: "This match could get extreme at anytime if you'll notice the scars all over Sage's body!"
J.S.: "No, that's just from Sage getting drunk on Saki and falling into chain link fences! This guy wouldn't know extreme if it kicked him in the ass!"
T.R.: "Wait a minute, the crowd is reacting to something! A spotlight is shining up past the last row! Hey, it's the Birds of Prey up there in the aisle watching the action! They are probably scouting because they are hungry for some tag titles!"
J.S.: "What, those chumps couldn't afford better seats? They were better off sitting in the locker room and watching the monitor!"
V.A.: "Obviously, the Birds want to make it known that they are watching this one!"
T.R.: "Sage goes for a powerbomb but Williams counters by ramming his face into the mat as he was up in the air! Both men are laid out now as a groggy Macmillan stomps the mat keeping the crowd roaring for Sage! This man has battled back from some deadly injuries and is almost always outweighed!"
V.A.: "And look! Sage is back on his feet and kicking at Williams! That is how resilient he is!"
J.S.: "I bet if I hit him with a baseball bat he would stay down!"
T.R.: "You would never get the chance! Sage clears his head and pulls Williams up and hits an implant slam! He's going up top!! What could this be!? Split-legged moonsault and he missed!! Williams got out of the way and somehow tagged in Taylor! What a match, these guys are risking everything here! And Taylor dumps Sage right over the top rope!"
J.S.: "This is where it gets HARDCORE!! Ha ha!"
T.R.: "Taylor axehandles Sage from the apron and he plows into the railing! Here comes Williams and Macmillan! Macmillan intercepts him and rams him into the apron! Williams pokes his eyes and slams him on the concrete! This is breaking down! Bennett is out there trying to break Macmillan and Williams apart!"
V.A.: "But he doesn't see what Taylor is going to do to Sage!"
J.S.: "Kill him Taylor!! Send him back to Korea in a box!!"
TONY ROSS: "Taylor has Sage laid out on the timekeeper's table with a steel chair on top of him! He's going to the top rope!! This could be devastating!! Taylor leaps!!"
JAKE SHADES: "KILL HIM!!!! NOOOOOO!!!!"
T.R.: "Oh my!!! Sage swung the chair and hit Taylor square in the face as he was coming down!!! Taylor flew back right into the apron!! Taylor got the wind knocked out of him and is opened up!! Listen to this crowd!!"
V.A.: "If Sage didn't do that, he could have been seriously injured, but I think he did that to Taylor! Taylor is not moving!"
J.S.: "No, please, Williams get over there and help him!"
T.R.: "Ohhh!!! Macmillan just suplexed Williams on the floor!! The crowd is roaring!! They know this is it!! Sage slowly rolls Taylor back into the ring and mounts the top turnbuckle!! Macmillan mounts the turnbuckle in the opposite corner!! Macmillan leaps!! 360 splash!! Wow!! He rolls off of Taylor!! Sage leaps!! Oh my dear sweet Lord!! Corkscrew shooting star press!!! Did you see the height!!?? 1-2-3!! It's over!!"
V.A.: "Seek and Destroy have retained the titles in stunning fashion and this place is electric!! Tony, is Shades saying anything because I can't hear him!!"
J.S.: ".............."
T.R.: "No he's not, Vic, he's swallowing his pride! What a spectacular victory for Seek and Destroy, but don't take anything away from the Nation of Innovation! They impressed the heck out of me!"
V.A.: "Somewhere down the line, NOI will get another shot when they have more experience as a team, and they are primed for superstardom! But the night belongs to Seek and Destroy!"
J.S.: "............"
T.R.: "Jake Shades is so excited he's at a loss for words! There you see the Birds of Prey up in the crowd and they give the thumbs up salute to Seek and Destroy as they exit the ring area through the sea of hands! The Birds are showing some respect here!"
V.A.: "I expect nothing less from them!"
J.S.: "I hope both teams' cars plunge into Lake St. Clair."
T.R.: "What a terrible thing to say, Shades! This is all going to come back to haunt you, believe me! Fans, believe it or not, we have a ton more action tonight, so we'll return after this from Detroit on ESPN2!"
(Fade to commercial)
(The camera fades back into Joe Louis Arena and pans the crowd. Some signs read, "PISTONS WHO? THE FWF IS IN TOWN", "SHADES NEEDS ROGAINE", "MATTHEWS IS MY SISTER", and a young woman in her late teens holds a sign that reads "MICHAELS 4:69". Fade to Paul Kramer in the ring)
PAUL KRAMER: "In our next match, coming to the ring," (CUE-UP: "War Machine" by Kiss) "From Pandora Island, weighing in at 260lbs., THE BLAZER!! He is accompanied by his manager Steve Patane!"
(The crowd boos as Patane leads the Blazer to the ring who looks like he wants to eat some of the fans. His eyes are wild and distant)
P.K.: "And his opponent," (CUE-UP: "Shapes of Things" by the Jeff Healy Band) "From Indianapolis, Indiana, weighing in at 235lbs., STEVE LEWISTON!!"
(the crowd cheers but Steve Lewiston does not appear at the ring entrance)
TONY ROSS: "Blazer is here, where is Steve Lewiston? Wait.....I just heard through my headset that there is a problem in back! Is Otis Sawyer back there!? OK, he's back there, let's get a picture!"
(The camera switches and 3 guys in ski masks with MWF shirts on are beating Steve Lewiston down on the floor. The guys start running as the rest of the Mercenaries burst through the door)
T.R.: "Well, the Mercs just stopped those 3 guys in MWF shirts from attacking Lewiston, and that obviously was a ploy by JC! Wait a second! Is that who I think it is!?"
VICTOR ALVAREZ: "Yes, it is! Jonathan Nash, the last member of the Mercenaries, has arrived!"
JAKE SHADES: "Oh great! I can't contain my friggin' joy!"
T.R.: "They're all checking on Lewiston and Nash takes off running! Where is he going!? Wait, he runs through the entranceway and charges to the ring and the fans are cheering his arrival! Nash hits the ring!"
P.K.: "Your winner, as a result of a forfeit, the BLA_...."
(Nash grabs the mike from Kramer)
JONATHAN NASH: "No, no, no, it's not going to be like that! Blazer, a while back, me and you had a little bit of a feud going, and if I can recall correctly, it was never finished! Well, I'm finishing it tonight!"
T.R.: "Here we go!! The Blazer and Jonathan Nash begin tearing into each other as the bell rings! Steve Patane is arguing with referee Stu Fields but he's going to let this one go! Nash will replace Lewiston!"
J.S.: "Oh, so I guess the Mercenaries have special priviliges like replacing each other when one gets injured?? Screw that! Fields needs to throw this one out, Nash is in his street clothes for Christ's sake!"
V.A.: "That's not stopping Nash, though! He is hot, especially after that MWF-motivated attack!"
J.S.: "Just because those guys had MWF shirts doesn't mean JC sent them! they could be disgruntled janitors that Lebron doesn't pay enough!"
TONY ROSS: "Nash and Blazer continue to batter each other and neither man is backing down! This is a fight if I ever saw one and the fans love it! Blazer pokes Nash in the eye and whips him in! Nash ducks a clothesline and both men dive at each other on the rebound!! They're rolling around on the mat fighting it out!"
VICTOR ALVAREZ: "These two had problems in the old AFWC, and it's showing tonight! But Blazer is a different wrestler, even more wild and out of control than before, almost like Golem!"
T.R.: "JC must be proud up there in his skybox, now that Blazer has returned to the ring, he made him an honorary Pandorian a while back!"
J.S.: "I'm an honorary Pandorian too, I got my birth certificate changed and everything!"
T.R.: "You don't even know who your father is! Nash gets an advantage and starts pounding on Blazer's head but Blazer rolls over on top of Nash! This is like a schoolyard fight! This is getting out of hand!! Both men roll out of the ring and begin pounding on each other on the floor! Stu Fields goes out there but gets knocked out of the way inadvertantly and he slams into the railing! Blazer pulls Nash by the hair and rams him into the post as Patane cheers him on!"
V.A.: "Patane has power of attorney over Blazer now, and Blazer has seemingly lost all his faculties and can't control himself any longer!"
J.S.: "And that's why Nash had better get out of there before he regrets replacing his beat up friend!"
T.R.: "Fields is rolling on the floor in pain as Nash and Blazer carry this fight down the aisle! The two wrestlers exchange rights and lefts! Blazer knees him in the stomach and pulls Nash's shirt over his head and starts pounding on him hockey style!"
J.S.: "Oh yeah!! I like that! Take him out Blazer! I bet Hockeytown or whatever they call this joint loved that!"
T.R.: "Not exactly, Shades! The shirt rips and Nash's arms are free and he starts flailing away at Blazer! Fields is up and he's calling for the bell, he's going to throw this one out!"
J.S.: "That's what he should have done to begin with!"
V.A.: "Well, it's obviously that bad blood never goes away, and these two guys continue to batter each other like two streetfighters!"
T.R.: "The two combatants disappear behind the curtains and Fields rules this one a no-contest! I'm still wondering if JC had anything to do with that attack on Lewiston!"
J.S.: "I'm tellin' you Ross, Lebron has a lot of disgruntled employees, I hear it in the back all the time! Somebody must have got pissed off and took it out on Nash!"
T.R.: "Yes, but three of them!?"
J.S.: "It could have been 15 of them the way Lebron runs this place!"
T.R.: "I've heard enough of this drivel! Fans, don't go away, we still got PCS and Helix tonight!!"
(The camera fades back in from commercial and Paul Kramer is shown standing in mid-ring)
PAUL KRAMER: "In our next match, coming to the ring," ("CUE-UP: "Purge" by Aleixa) "From Dayton, Ohio, weighing in at 265lbs., SARDONIC!!"
(The crowd doesn't know how to react to Sardonic since they've never seen him before. He is wearing orange tights and a black T-shirt that reads, "Yes, I am a model")
P.K.: "And his opponent," (CUE-UP: "Ghost of Tom Joad" by Rage Against the Machine) "From Miami, Florida, weighing in at 243lbs., "RAGE O' FIRE" JARED WELLS!!"
(The crowd roars as Wells appears from behind the curtains wearing a black singlet with "Rage" in white letters all over it. Sparks shoot up from the floor behind him as he slaps hands but keeps a determined eye on the ring)
TONY ROSS: "Jared Wells makes his way to the ring to a huge response, and we have already seen him in action tonight, and both times he came out to admonish Codie Thompson!"
VICTOR ALVAREZ: "But Wells is pitted against a newcomer here in Sardonic, and we don't know a lot about him! What a task is ahead for him as a 3 time World Champion steps into the ring!"
J.S.: "Like I said before, Wells better mind his own business before he finds JC hounding his ass!"
T.R.: "Sardonic and Wells are doing a little talking here to try and psyche each other out, and Wells clearly has the advantage in that department, he has a whole lot more to brag about! They lock up and Wells has a waistlock on that Sardonic quickly reverses into a chicken wing! Wells can't get the angle he needs to get an elbow in!"
J.S.: "Oh God, please don't tell me this is going to be one of those scientific matches! Why do they call it scientific wrestling anyway? I don't see any beekers or bunson burners!"
T.R.: "Wells got him that time and he follows it up with a shoulderblock! He tries an elbow and Sardonic rolls out of the way! Sardonic is quickly up and catches Wells with a boot and hits a nice swinging neckbreaker!"
V.A.: "Sardonic is showing some good wrestling skills so far, but how long can he compete with one of the FWF's brightest stars?"
J.S.: "I know why Wells is fighting Sardonic! Since he kisses Lebron's ass so much, Lebron gave him an easy opponent for tonight!"
T.R.: "Just because Sardonic is new doesn't mean he is easy! You heard Lebron earlier, he is weeding out all the dead weight and streamlining the FWF! If that was the case, he wouldn't have signed Sardonic!"
J.S.: "So why is Rabesque and Goldwire and The Birds of Prey still here!?"
T.R.: "Oh stop! Sardonic with a forearm and he whips Wells into the corner! Wells bounces out and Sardonic hits a nice flying lariat! Sardonic quickly mounts the second turnbuckle and comes down with a knee! A cover!! 1-2-kickout!"
VICTOR ALVAREZ: "Can you imagine what this could do for Sardonic's career if he were to beat Wells here tonight?"
TONY ROSS: "A whole lot, that is for sure! He is in control here as he pulls Wells up and hits a belly to back suplex! He backs off and measures Wells with an elbow! He applies a headlock to wear Wells down some more!"
V.A.: "He's got that knee in Wells back which prevents him from getting leverage to break the hold!"
J.S.: "Boooo-rrrring!!"
T.R.: "Just ignore him, Vic! Wells still manages to get to his feet and Sardonic turns it into a side headlock and Wells pushes him off! Sardonic rebounds off the ropes into a Wells backdrop! Wells pulls him up and tries to slam him but Sardonic rolls him up nicely!! 1-2-No! Almost an upset there!"
V.A.: "So far, Sardonic is doing everything right! I don't think Wells expected Sardonic to be so prepared!"
J.S.: "Yeah, because he's too worried about getting involved in Codie Thompson's affairs! Wells is one nosy son of a...."
T.R.: "Sardonic hits Wells with a suplex and covers! 1-2-Kickout! Wells is starting to shake his arms, trying to get loosened up and the crowd starts chanting "Rage! Rage!"
J.S.: "I'm waiting for you to start chanting it, too!"
T.R.: "Sardonic hits Wells a few times and Wells shakes it off and bounces off the ropes! Sardonic tries an armdrag but Wells blocks! Wells hits an armdrag of his own! Wells waits for him to get up and runs him down with a clothesline and comes right off the ropes with a flying elbow that connevts right on the jaw! 1-2-Kickout!"
V.A.: "This is probably the best pure wrestling match we've seen this evening! Sardonic is really impressing me but Wells is in control!"
J.S.: "What the hell does "Sardonic" mean anyway? Does it mean being like a sardine?"
T.R.: "Shades, I'm not even gonna answer that! Wells mounts him on the top rope! What's he going for!? Sardonic rings his bell and Wells falls to the mat! Sardonic comes off with a body press!! 1-2-No! Sardonic appears frustrated now and he pulls Wells up! He pushes him into the corner and starts jabbing at the ribs of Wells! He tries to whip Wells into the opposite corner but it's reversed!! But Wells comes right out of the corner with a flying shoulderblock!!"
V.A.: "Here is Jared Wells' second wind coming into play! Look at him beat his chest like a gorilla! He is ready!"
J.S.: "Yay, zip-a-dee-do-da! Get this over with already! I want to see PCS use my strategy to beat Helix, damnit!"
T.R.: "We're getting there, Shades! Wells calls to the crowd and they respond! Wells hits him with a powerslam!! He's signalling towards the top rope!! Could this be the RageBomb!? He's putting him up top and the fans are roaring!! He's got him set, yes!! The RageBomb!! This is elementary!! 1-2-3!! "Rage o' Fire" grabs the win here in Detroit and keeps his undefeated streak intact!"
VICTOR ALVAREZ: "Title shots are on the horizon for Jared Wells, but don't count Sardonic out, with a little seasoning, he could be a big star here!"
JAKE SHADES: "Why do you always have to sugarcoat the losers, Victoria! Just say they suck and get it over with! No need to try and encourage them!"
V.A.: "I'm sorry, Jake, but Sardonic didn't suck, he just took on a quality opponent too soon!"
T.R.: "Ok, while these guys argue amongst themselves, we are going to take a break!"
(Fade to a Helix T-shirt Promo)
(An outside aerial shot of Downtown Detroit is shown with snow-covered buildings everywhere and traffic moving at a snail's pace. CUT-TO: Paul Kramer in the ring)
PAUL KRAMER: "In our next match, coming to the ring," (CUE-UP: "Unforgiven" by Metallica) "from Chicago, Illinois, weighing in at 201lbs., BILLY MATTHEWS!!"
(Matthews gets a mixed bag of responses from the Detroit crowd. A lot of boos are heard, but there are many cheers since Matthews has abandoned the drag queen look. There are even whistles suggesting that Matthews is still somewhat of a transvestite. Matthews is dressed in all black with black eye shadow and doesn't even look at the fans)
P.K.: "And his opponent," (CUE-UP: "Kill the President" by Offspring) "From Boston, Massachusetts, weighing in at 236lbs., NOBLE KALE!!"
(Kale is greeted with mostly boos as he walks to the ring, hardly noticing the fans. He climbs in the ring and sits in the corner, just staring at Matthews)
TONY ROSS: "This could possibly be one of the strangest matches we've ever seen! Look at these characters!"
VICTOR ALVAREZ: "They are both enveloped in self-pity and have very similar appearances, and both are very talented! This is going to be a good one!"
JAKE SHADES: "Yeah, but I like Kale better because he had the guts to take a knife to Helix!"
T.R.: "Although it was only a glancing wound, Helix was seriously injured and we hope he will be here tonight! That happened on the last Battleground in case you didn't know, fans!"
VOICE: "Billy!"
T.R.: "What was that!?"
VOICE: "Billy! Look towads the entranceway!"
T.R.: "Who is that guy now?"
(A man dressed all in black with a white button-up shirt underneath a cape-like outfit with Oakley sunglasses is standing at the entrance. Nobody knows who he is)
VOICE: "Billy, my name is NightShade, and I'm offering you a proposition. I've been watching you the past few weeks and I've seen you go from a clean cut boy to a drag queen to a Goth, and I must say I do like your new look. You are confused, Billy, and I want to change that. Join me Billy, join me, and we wil show the FWF how it feels to be us! I am not hard to find Billy!"
(As the man turns and walks away, Kale attacks Matthews from behind)
T.R.: "Well, whoever that is is gone and now Kale has attacked Matthews from behind! Kale has been on a rampage and Matthews just can't seem to get the big win!"
V.A.: "Matthews is another FWF star that needs a little more experience to be a major star, and Kale would like nothing more than to rip Matthews apart!"
JAKE SHADES: "Now you're gonna sugarcoat the queer boy? Man, you do have compassion, Vicky!"
TONY ROSS: "Kale is battering Matthews whose mind may not even be in the match now because of that mysterious NightShade character! I've never seen or heard of him before! He obviously wants Matthews to join him, whatever his plans are I don't know! Kale whips Matthews in and elbows him square in the jaw! Kale puts those boots to his head and now he's kneeling and choking Matthews! He's arguing with referee Sal Putz!"
VICTOR ALVAREZ: "While he's arguing, Matthews ought to roll out and catch a breather!"
T.R.: "I do feel sorry for Matthews, he obviously had a rough life and he is confused about who he is and what he should be, maybe this NightShade can help him on to the right track, who knows?"
J.S.: "Or maybe Matthews can test the Detroit gay scene and see if he can find a life partner to straighten him out!"
T.R.: "Enough! Kale goes back to work on Matthews and he dumps Matthews out of the ring! Kale smiles sadistically as he follows him out! Matthews is dazed as Kale pulls him up and rams him back first into the railing! Sal Putz is standing in the ring counting, not trying to get them back in!"
V.A.: "We need Willie Bennett out here for this one!"
T.R.: "Now he goes out there! Kale clears everybody from the timekeeper's table and rams Matthews had into the monitor! Ouch! Clear out of there everybody!"
J.S.: "Maybe he'll knock some sense into this queer!"
T.R.: "Uh, Jake, I think Matthews is out of that stage now, so your arsenal of gay jokes doesn't work anymore!"
J.S.: "So what, they're still funny!"
T.R.: "Sure they are! Matthews tries to rake at Kale's eyes but Kale kicks him and rams him onto the table this time! Kale finds a camera cord and wraps it around Matthews' neck! Is Putz going to do anything about this!?"
V.A.: "If Kale is capable of slicing Helix open with a knife, who knows what he'll do to Billy Matthews!"
J.S.: "Injure him permanently I hope!"
T.R.: "Putz gets the cord away from Kale and Kale pretends to swing at Putz and that sent Sal scurrying! Kale rolls Matthews back into the ring and mounts the top turnbuckle! He tries an elbow but Matthews somehow rolled out of the way!"
V.A.: "You saw how this kid stood up to Henry Goldwire and Jared Wells, he is very tough and it's going to take a lot from Kale to keep him down!"
J.S.: "Yeah, but just tell him the Blue Oyster Bar around the corner is open all night and I'll bet Matthews will fly right out of here into the cold!"
T.R.: "Matthews is on his feet! Kale tries to trip him but Matthews kicks him right in the head! Matthews pulls him up and hits a European forearm and whips Kale in! Powerslam!! Matthews showing some strength for his size! Matthews comes off the ropes and jumps high in the air with a legdrop!! 1-2-No!"
VICTOR ALVAREZ: "I'm amazed that Matthews can even do this after the way kale roughed him up!"
TONY ROSS: "Matthews flips him over the top rope and we're going back outside again! Matthews is mounting the top rope! He waits for Kale to get up!! Ohhh!!! What a flying body press! That was spectacular, right out to the floor!!"
V.A.: "And what a dangerous move that was! I think Kale hit the back of his head off the railing, too! This could be trouble!"
T.R.: "Matthews is slow to get up, but he gets to his feet and pulls Kale's limp body up and whips him into the post headfirst! It's getting dangerous out there! Matthews has a chair now! He rushes Kale with it but Kale gets a leg up and Matthews rams himself right in the head with it!!"
V.A.: "That hit Matthews flush in the forehead!"
J.S.: "Let's see some blood!"
T.R.: "Well, you are because Matthews is opened up and so is Kale! Matthews is down and out on the floor as Kale shakes off the cobwebs! He rolls back in the ring to stop Putz' count and right back out! He rams Matthews head into the apron and now he's digging under the ring! What is he looking for! It looks like a crossbeam for a ring support! He either broke it off or the ring crew didn't need it! Ohhh!! He just racked Matthews groin with it as he got up! Putz is out there and he tries to get the crossbeam away from Kale!"
V.A.: "Putz is not going to disqualify him, he wants to see a winner here!"
J.S.: "This is how it always should be! Let em go, let em use weapons! Kale knows what he's doing!"
T.R.: "Kale slowly gets Matthews to his feet who is bleeding and moaning in pain and gets him back into the ring! These guys have hurt each other brutally and Kale may try to end it here! Kale is back up top!! Diving headbutt!! he nailed him!! 1-2-Ohhhhh!!!! Matthews just got an arm up and the crowd thought it was over!"
V.A.: "Where Matthews got the strength to get out of that, I don't know, but these two young men may permanently injure each other here!"
J.S.: "And that is definately what I like to see! Let's see some more blood and some more wepaons!!"
T.R.: "Kale can't believe it and he gets up favoring the back of his head from taht earlier spill and gets Matthews up! He whips him across and Matthews out of nowhere hits a body press!! Kale catches him!! He backs up and they both flip right over the ropes and land very hard!! How much more can they take!"
V.A.: "They landed very awkwardly and this could be the final straw for both men!"
T.R.: "No! Kale is getting up!! Does this man feel pain!? This is insane! Kale drags a limp Matthews to his feet and atomic drops him right into the post! Matthews is staggering but still on his feet and Kale back suplexes him on the floor!! This has got to be it! Kale is trying to pull him up but can't, because Matthews is just dead weight here!"
V.A.: "This could be a double countout here!"
TONY ROSS: "Kale just gives up and slides back into the ring exhausted!! Putz continues the count as kale tries to stop him but to no avail! Wait!!"
VICTOR ALVAREZ: "Matthews is moving!! He's getting up! How!?"
JAKE SHADES: "Somebody shoot this punk, he's like Jason from Friday the 13th!"
T.R.: "Matthews simply wil not quit!! He rolls back into the ring and kale falls on him with a cover!! 1.....2....NOOO!!! Kickout!! The crowd is on its feet now and they can't believe what they are seeing! Both men are bleeding and exhausted! Kale pulls Matthews up slowly and he applies an abdominal stretch! Maybe he can make Matthews submit if he can't pin him!"
V.A.: "I don't think Matthews is going to quit from this! Kale is going to have to pull something special out of his bag!"
J.S.: "Yeah......a gun!"
T.R.: "Don't be morbid! Matthews is straining and starining, you can see his muscles tighten and the sweat pour from his body! This kid has given it his all and he will not quit under any circumstances! Drag queen or Goth, it doesn't matter! He got the ropes!!"
J.S.: "Oh come on!! Quit already, you're not going to win! Put him away Kale!"
T.R.: "Kale tries to grab him but Matthews rolls him up in a small package!! 1.....2.....just barely kicked out!! Kale stumbles to his feet and screams out in frustation! He thinks he should have had this match won already! He looks out to the crowd who is in shock and focuses back on Matthews! Matthews gets to his feet!! This is unbelievable! Kale kicks him but Matthews kicks back!! They exchange rights and lefts, neither man wants to go down! Matthews grabs him by the hair and dumps him over the ropes and we're going right back outside!!"
J.S.: "I don't believe this!! When is it going to end!"
V.A.: "Matthews is really showing us what he's all about here, the Billy Matthews without the makeup and Gothic costumes and sundresses! This man is a wrestler, and a damn tough one at that!"
J.S.: "Oh, Vic, watch your language there, we don't want the Church of Latter-day Saints banning you!"
T.R.: "Matthews is on the apron and he clotheslines Kale on the floor!! Wow!! Kale lies on the floor in a heap of blood and sweat! Fans, we're going to stick with this without a commercial for as long as we can!"
V.A.: "Maybe that NightShade person inspired him to perform like this! Matthews has been in a slump and maybe this will get him out of it!"
T.R.: "Matthews is back on his feet and he kicks Kale in the head a few times and pulls him up! He stands Kale up against the ring post and backs up! He runs and charges at Kale!! Ohhh!!!! Kale moved out of the way and Matthews went flying headfirst into the post!! That wound must be really opened up now!"
V.A.: "I hope the FWF has stretchers and ambulances on standby!"
TONY ROSS: "Fans, I am totally in shock at what these wrestlers have just gone through! Billy Matthews appears to be unconscious and Noble Kale is dragging the timekeeper's table into the ring! What in the world is he going to do with that!?"
VICTOR ALVAREZ: "And Sal Putz is not making an attempt to get it out of there! Maybe he wants this finished already and it's the only way to beat Matthews!"
JAKE SHADES: "Finish him Kale, but this Gothic gayboy out for good! Make sure he never embarasses himself again!"
T.R.: "Kale hooks Matthews by the table! Ohhh!!! A snap cradle brainbuster through the table!! Kale calls this the Dogma!! Putz files through the wreckage and makes the count!! 1-2-3!! Wow!! It's finally over!!"
V.A.: "Noble Kale came out of this one barely alive, and look what this win cost him! Probably a trip to the hospital!"
J.S.: "Here comes the mat wagon!!"
T.R.: "Detroit EMTs are on the way to the ring now with two stretchers and wait!!!!! Helix plows right through the EMTs!! The FWF National Champ Helix is here!! Helix flies into the ring and starts pummeling Kale with rights and lefts and they both spill out of the ring!! Both men are tangled up and they flip over the railing and into the crowd!! Let's get some security over there!!"
J.S.: "Oooo, Helix is such a big man, attacking Noble Kale after the most brutal match of his career! There's nothing left of Kale to attack!"
T.R.: "Kale did the same thing to Helix on the last show, Shades, are you wearing blinders!? Kale and Helix are brawling in the crowd now and there obviously is some sort of past between these two and it has been hinted at several times in hgeir interviews! More security is pouring over to the scene and we desperately need to take a break!" (The camera fades back in from commercial and Paul Kramer is shown standing in mid-ring)
PAUL KRAMER: "Our next match is for the FWF United States Frontier title!! Coming to the ring, the challenger," (CUE-UP: "I'm Too Sexy" by Right Said Fred) "From Sacramaento, California, weighing in at 231lbs., "BOY TOY" BEAU MICHAELS!!"
(The crowd stars booing as Michaels makes his way to the ring wearing light blue tights. He blows kisses to whoever will take them. He gets up on the apron and starts massaging his own rearend and shaking his hips. Garbage is thrown)
P.K.: "And his opponent," (CUE-UP: "Shapes of Things" By the Jeff Healy Band) "From Montreal, Quebec, weighing in at 245lbs., the FWF U.S. Frontier Champion, JEAN RABESQUE!!"
(The crowd cheers loudly as Rabesque confidently comes to the ring with the belt strapped over his shoulder. He slaps a few hands and when he gets to the ring, he climbs up on the apron and holds the belt high in the air and the fans respond)
TONY ROSS: "Fans, if I can recover from that gore-fest that was the last match, I hit on it earlier in the night that there is a lot riding on this match! Jean Rabesque is the conservative family man who plays by the rules, a fighting champion, something to be proud of! Michaels is provocative, immoral, and belongs in an adult movie and not a wrestling ring!"
VICTOR ALVAREZ: "But don't take anything away from Michaels as a wrestler! Even though he was gone for over a month with a leave of absence, he still retained his spot in the Top 5 to get a title shot!"
JAKE SHADES: "That's because none of these wrestlers here took the initiative to take his spot away from him! Nobody was aggressive enough!"
T.R.: "It was just a fluke in the rankings system, I think! So Michaels has the shot here as he parades around the ring scanning the crowd, and he is not paying any attention to Rabesque!"
V.A.: "The last thing you want to do is ignore Jean Rabesque because he will make you pay for it!"
J.S.: "I would ignore that French-Canadian loser too! In fact, I should just keep my mouth shut and turn my head and not announce the match!"
T.R.: "THANK YOU!!!!"
J.S.: "Just kidding!"
T.R.: "
J.S.: "If I were Rabesque, I would stay away from Michaels! After his last few interviews, he's starting to sound like he's a switch hitter!"
T.R.: "Only you would notice that Shades! Rabesque continues to pound on him and he's yelling something in the "Boy Toy's" ear!"
TONY ROSS: "Rabesque is beet red from anger, I think he really did flip his lid during those interviews!"
VICTOR ALVAREZ: "Rabesque did say that he would not stoop to Michaels' level and Michaels' antics really infuriated him!"
JAKE SHADES: "So you're saying Rabesque needs anger counseling?"
T.R.: "Rabesque is doing what any normal red-blooded man would do in the ring against Michaels! Beating him silly! Rabesque pulls him up and slams him right back down and drops a knee on the throat!! He holds it there as Michaels is being choked! Referee Stu Fields pulls Rabesque off and admonishes him! Ohhh!! Michaels just thrust his fist in between Fields' legs and into Rabesque's groin!! Wow!!"
V.A.: "Michaels sure knows how to find his target! He almost hit Fields' sensitive area on that one, too!"
J.S.: "And that would have been a very good thing!"
T.R.: "Rabesque has been having problems with a man that obviously looks like Copycat, but Copycat says it is the Black Cat! I find that extremely hard to believe!"
J.S.: "Hey, he's copying himself! He's basically copied everyone else!"
T.R.: "Who knows if we'll see him tonight as Rabesque gets to his feet sucking wind and Michaels levels him with a clothesline! He looks to the crowd and methodically kicks Rabesque in the head! Michaels puts his hands behind his head and does a dance for the fans and they respond with a chorus of boos!"
V.A.: "Michaels is taking way to much time to play around with the fans, and if he wants the Frontier title so desperately, he better focus!"
T.R.: "He turns his attention back to Rabesque and pulls him up! Big backbreaker! He almost bent Rabesque in half! He still has him on his knee and he's rocking him back and forth like a baby! What the hell is this!"
J.S.: "Aw, he's just comforting him before he puts him away and takes that title!"
T.R.: "Michaels lets him fall to the mat and kicks him in the ribs! He pulls him back up and hooks him for a suplex! It's blocked! Blocked again! Rabesque lifts him up, but instead of going back, Rabesque turns it into a gourdbuster!! What a move and the fans erupt!"
V.A.: "That took a lot of strength to do that and Rabesque may have used a lot of energy with that move!"
T.R.: "Both men are on the mat and Rabesque is up first! He comes off the ropes and drops an elbow to the back of the head! He drags Michaels to his feet and hooks him and hits a belly to back suplex and a pin!! 1-2-Kickout! Rabesque is all business here as he gets Michaels right to his feet and whips him in!! Big backdrop and Michaels caught some serious air!"
V.A.: "Here is where we see the difference between the two wrestlers! Rabesque refuses to let off his opponent while Michaels plays mind games with the fans!"
J.S.: "Like Rabesque never panders around with the fans!"
TONY ROSS: "Rabesque drags Michaels up by the hair and whips him into the corner and goes in hard after him with an elbow to the nose! He starts pounding on the ribs of Michaels and then forearms in the face! He armdrags Michaels out of the corner!"
VICTOR ALVAREZ: "Rabesque is a veteran and he knows what he has to do to win, and that's stay on Michaels and not let up! Michaels is crafty and can turn the match around in a hurry!"
T.R.: "Rabesque has a side headlock on Michaels now to wear him down some more! He's in the middle of the ring with nowhere to go! Michaels yells out in pain as he swings his arms around trying to escape!"
V.A.: "Stu Fields is right there to make sure if Michaels wants to tap out!"
JAKE SHADES: "Has anyone ever tapped out from a headlock!? You would lobve to see that, wouldn't you, Vickless?"
T.R.: "It would be a first! Rabesque continues to apply the pressure as the fans call out for Michaels to give it up! Micheals starts flailing with his leg trying to get to the ropes! He's got a foot under there and Rabesque has to break! But Rabesque puts on even more pressure and Fields tries to pull him off!! Rabesque finally lets go and he's up and arguing with Fields!"
V.A.: "This is definately not like Rabesque to be arguing with the refs, and that's a mistake he's going to pay for unless he turns around!"
T.R.: "Michaels shakes off the cobwebs and sneaks up from behind and rolls Rabesque up with a pull of the tights!! 1-2-Kickout!! Almost had him but he had to cheat of course!"
J.S.: "He pulled so hard you can almost see the acne on Rabesque's rearend!"
T.R.: "Keep your disgusting comments to yourself! Rabesque springs right up only to be leveled by a Michaels shoulderblock! Michaels bounces off the ropes and misses a jumping knee! Rabesque kicks Michaels in the ribs and pulls him up! He goes for a slam but Michaels rolls him up!! 1-2-Ohh!!"
V.A.: "That was a tight small package there and he almost surprised Rabesque there! Rabesque has got to be aware of every movement Michaels makes!"
J.S.: "You mean his bowel movements, too?"
T.R.: "Shut up!! Fans, we've already had a ton of action this evening and its just accelerating tenfold! Rabesque and Michaels are now in opposite corners trying to figure out what to do to one another, they are so evenly matched!"
V.A.: "And there goes Michaels, playing games again! He's doing his dance for Rabesque now and the fans will have none of it!"
J.S.: "I think Rabesque is turned on! Look at the look on his face!"
T.R.: "He's not turned on, that's called anger Shades! He charges Michaels and he sidesteps and Rabesque hit nothing but turnbuckle and post! Micheals baited him and Rabesque took it!"
VICTOR ALVAREZ: "Rabesque is letting his anger get to him and that is going to lead to mistakes like that! Michaels is using his irritating attitude to his advantage!"
TONY ROSS: "Michaels pulls Rabesque out of the corner and back suplexes him and Rabesque landed right on his neck! Michaels hauls him to his feet and hits a reverse snap neckbreaker! I think he's found a target!"
JAKE SHADES: "And Rabesque is going to find the showers real soon, because someone is finally going to take that damn title away from him!"
T.R.: "This isn't over yet! Michaels slowly crawls on top of Rabesque, almost like a panther on top of its prey, but Michaels adds his own unnecessary touches to it! A laxadaisical cover! 1-2-Shoulder up! Michaels laughs and pulls Rabesque to his feet and thumbs him in the eye and punches him back to the mat!"
V.A.: "Michaels doesn't seem to be taking this match very seriously!"
J.S.: "You wouldn't either if you were in there with a clown like Rabesque!"
T.R.: "Michaels walks around the ring scanning the crowd again, making gestures here and there, and he gives a quick boot to Rabesque! Michaels comes off the ropes with a splash!! 1-2-Kickout!"
V.A.: "It's almost like Michaels doesn't know how to beat Rabesque!"
J.S.: "Oh Vic, could you insult Michaels even more!? You've been on him since the match started!"
V.A.: "All I'm doing is calling what I see!"
T.R.: "Which is something you can never do Shades!"
J.S.: "And you're no help! Come on, get this over with Michaels! Get that title away from him so I don't have to hear about this Mercenary puke anymore!"
T.R.: "See what I mean!? Michaels gets Rabesque to his feet and whips him into the corner! Michaels charges in after him and catches a boot to the face for his troubles!! And the crowd comes alive! They start cheering as Rabesque slowly comes out of the corner and grabs the dazed Michaels in a headlock and then he runs and bulldogs him!! Big move, he got some big air off that one!"
V.A.: "But Rabesque can't make the cover here! He is too tired and hurt to roll over!"
T.R.: "The crowd is screaming for Rabesque to make a pin but he rolls the wrong way! He struggles to get to his feet and shakes it off! He raises both arms up and the fans here in Detroit respond!!"
J.S.: "Get up Michaels! Don't let this fan-coddling twit beat you! You're better than this, other than your sexual tendencies!"
T.R.: "That's yet to be proven Jake! Rabesque doesn't care about that right now and he begins stomping on the knee!"
V.A.: "You know what this means! Rabesque is softening Michaels up for his figure four!"
TONY ROSS: "Rabesque gets Michaels to his feet and he atomic drops him on his knee! Michaels hobbles on one foot before he collapses to the mat! Michaels is clinging to the ropes for dear life now! The fans know the end is near!"
JAKE SHADES: "He hasn't even got the figure four on yet Tony! Don't be so biased all the time, Michaels still has a chance!"
T.R.: "Michaels won't let go of the ropes as Fields keeps on pushing Rabesque away!"
V.A.: "Good ploy by Michaels to buy some time for a breather, but eventually Fields is going to have to let Rabesque at him!"
T.R.: "That's exactly what he does and Rabesque continues to assault that knee! Micheals rolls out of the ring! He's having problems getting up and Rabesque goes out there with blood in his eyes!"
V.A.: "Rabesque better watch out because anything can happen out on the floor!"
J.S.: "Yeah, Michaels can hit this punk with a chair or a table or a security railing and end his career!'
T.R.: "Rabesque waits for Michaels to get to his feet and he clips the knee from behind! Rabesque is going for the ring steps! Oh no, he's not going to throw them on Michaels' leg is he?"
V.A.: "Rabesque is really losing it and Fields is out there to stop him! Michaels can't get up to defend himself!"
J.S.: "It figures he has to use a weapon to defeat superior talent! Make yourself useful Fields and get those steps away from him!"
T.R.: "Fields makes Rabesque drop the steps and they drop with a thud! Now they're arguing again and Michaels somehow gets to his feet and Rabesque has his back turned! Ohh!! Michaels knees Rabesque in the back and he in turn took out Fields!"
J.S.: "Rabesque attacked Fields! There was nothing but malice in that move! Rabesque clearly attacked the ref!"
T.R.: "Oh would you stop with the lies! Michaels caused that and you know it! Rabesque is lying on top of Fields and Michaels grabs the ring bell!! He's going to use it on Rabesque!! Ohhh!! He clobbered Rabesque right in the head!!"
V.A.: "Michaels may have known what he was doing all along! Knock the ref out and use a weapon to nail Rabesque with!"
J.S.: "Brilliant strategy, don't you think!?"
T.R.: "Michaels rolls him into the ring and he covers him, but there's one problem! There's no ref! Michaels goes back out and rolls Fields back in!! He makes the slow count!! 1.........2..........No!!!! Rabesque got a shoulder up! He had his wits about him to get out of that and Michaels cannot believe it and now he's berating Fields!"
J.S.: "He ought to, that was the slowest count I've ever seen!"
T.R.: "Fans, we really need to take a commercial break, we'll be right back with the conclusion of this match!!"
(The camera fades back in on the action in the ring)
TONY ROSS: "Fans, while we were away, Rabesque has mounted a comeback! He's blistering Michaels with rights and lefts!"
VICTOR ALVAREZ: "Michaels was busy arguing with Stu Fields and Rabesque took full advantage of it!"
JAKE SHADES: "Just like a true champion, from behind!"
T.R.: "Rabesque hits an inverted atomic drop and it looks like Michaels is really exaggerating the effect of that! Look at the contorted expressions on his face!"
J.S.: "Well, Rabesque hit him in his money maker, what did you expect!?"
T.R. "Rabesque slams him down and immediately does a wishbone with Michaels legs and now he may have him weakened enough to put the figure four on! Rabesque drops a knee on Michaels' leg! Rabesque signals to the crowd!! This is it!! He's going to slap it on! There it is, the figure four!!"
V.A.: "Nobody does it better than Rabesque and this could spell the end for Michaels! He's right in the center of the ring!!"
T.R.: "Look at Michaels strain to get to the ropes, the pain is really getting to him! These two men have put it all on the line tonight in one of the most stunning matches we've ever seen! Michaels is unbelievably hanging in there! How much more can he take!!"
V.A.: "Michaels doesn't have enough energy to turn it over but he's really trying to get to the ropes, he's almost there!"
T.R.: "He's reaching, reaching, almost there!!"
(The bell rings)
T.R.: "The bell is ringing, what happened!? Did Michaels quit!? Rabesque lets off the hold and begins to celebrate! What just happened here! Stu Fields is talking with the timekeeper!"
V.A.: "I believe this was a time limit draw Tony!"
T.R.: "I think you are right! Let's get the official word!"
PAUL KRAMER.: "Ladies and gentlemen, television time has run out, and this match has been declared a Draw!!"
T.R.: "Oh my! Michaels held out long enough and didn't submit, but Rabesque will remain the champion!"
J.S.: "Rabesque is lucky the time ran out, because Michaels was well on his way to breaking that hold!"
T.R.: "That remains to be seen and I'll tell you, that was a mat classic! That will.....what the hell!? It's Copycat, or the Black Cat or whoever he is! He sneaks up behind Jean Rabesque as the crowd is screaming for him to turn around! He clips Rabesque's knee! Black Cat pulls Rabesque up and drops him with a powerbomb!! And just like that, Black Cat is out of there! The champion lies motionless on the mat!"
V.A.: "I think we all know that was Copycat, and I'm sure he will deny it later! But the fact is, he laid Rabesque out after a terribly greuling match!"
JAKE SHADES: "That was the smartest thing Copycat, I mean Black Cat has ever done! Good job!"
TONY ROSS: "And Michaels hobbles to his feet and takes a look at the prone body of Rabesque on the mat and he smiles! What is up his sleeve! Michaels may want to extract some revenge here!"
VICTOR ALVAREZ: "It looks to be that way even though he can hardly stand up!"
T.R.: "Michaels goes out of the ring and goes underneath it and pulls out a bag! What's in it!? He pulls out some rope! Oh my, what is he planning here!?"
J.S.: "Could it be, a little bondage!?"
T.R.: "He's tying Rabesque's arms to the turnbuckles and he does the same with his legs! Rabesque can't defend himself after being hit with a powerbomb! Now he reaches in and pulls out....what is that!!?? It's a can of instant whipped cream!! Oh Lord, what is he going to do to Rabesque!?"
J.S.: "Hopefully embarass the hell out of this chump!"
T.R.: "He just made a face with the cream on Rabesque's chest!! He takes a cherry out and puts it where the nose should be! This is sickening! He grabs the mic!"
BEAU MICHAELS: "I'm going to show the world something now! (pulls a T-shirt out of the bag) Right here tonight....you're seeing a TRANS-FOR-MA-TION! Don't bother calling me the (moans) 'Boy Toy' (smiles devislishly)...(moans)... now you can call me...'EXTREMELY BISEXUAL' Beau Michaels!
(The crowd falls into a hush and the announcers don't know what to say. Michaels laughs hysterically as he reveals the shirt that reads....'I'm not Bisexual, I'm EXTREMELY BISEXUAL' and underneath it, it has a photocopy of Beau Michaels handwritten name. He turns it over to the back and there are TWO male signs and one female signs...the female sign is above one of the male signs and the second male signs' arrow is sticking into the first sign)
B.M.: "And my FIRST act..
T.R.: "Noo!!! He's going to lick the whipped cream off of Rabesque!! Cut the cameras!! How could the FWF allow this to go on!! Oh, thank God! The Mercenaries are here! Jonathan Nash and Rob Anthony hit the ring and Michaels is up and out of there!! He hightails it to the dressing room!"
V.A.: "I am shocked at what I saw there, I can't believe that Michaels just did that!"
J.S.: "Great! Now we have TWO pole-smokers in the FWF! As if Matthews wasn't enough!"
T.R.: "Don't make it any worse than it is Shades! This is unbelievable! The Mercs are trying to untie Rabesque from the ropes and he is just now realizing what happened! Rabesque turns beet red in rage! I don't blame him! Fans, that was a great match but we will have a black spot marring it forever with Michaels actions! But do not go away, because next is the main event!! Helix vs. PCS!"
(Fade to an FWF Internet Promo)
(The camera fades back to Joe Louis Arena and all the lights in the arena go out, save for a spotlight on Paul Kramer in mid-ring)
PAUL KRAMER: "Ladies and gentlemen, the fans here in Detroit and the millions watching at home on ESPN2, are you ready for the MAIN EVENT!!?? (the crowd roars) "This match is for the FWF National Heavyweight Title! First coming to the ring, the challenger," (CUE-UP: "Sell Out" by Reel Big Fish) "From Los Angeles, California, weighing in at 255lbs., POP CULTURE'S SUPERHERO!! He is accompanied by the Lost Hanson!"
(The crowd boos loudly as the duo struts to the ring. PCS is obviously dressed in Detroit flavor with a General Motors hat, and a Ford T-shirt. His black wrestling tights have 'Sell! Sell! Sell!' inscribed on them in white letters. The Lost Hanson is dressed like...well....a Hanson)
P.K.: "And his opponent," (CUE-UP: "Nobody's Fault" by Aerosmith) "From Boston, Massachusetts, weighing in at 245lbs., the FWF National Champion, HELIX!!"
(The crowd erupts as Helix appears from behind the curtains, looking very sullen and almost dragging the FWF belt. He's wearing the usual black trenchcoat. A huge shower of sparks erupts behind the champion and he hardly notices)
TONY ROSS: "We are now at Main Event time and this is the Big Deal! The FWF National Champion Helix will square off against Pop Culture's Superhero which ought to be a great match!"
VICTOR ALVAREZ: "Yes, it will be a great match as long as The Lost Hanson keeps himself out of the ring and Noble Kale doesn't choose to interfere!"
JAKE SHADES: "PCS doesn't need interference, he and I have worked out a strategy that is flawless, and I'll guarantee a World Title victory tonight for PCS! And then finally, I will have something to celebrate instead of watching these pansy fan favorites run around with all the titles!"
T.R.: "PCS takes a minute to get off all of his promtional gear and Helix shows no emotion! he has become more intense than ever after Noble Kale entered the FWF, and I believe that there has to be a past between them!"
V.A.: "It does seem that way, and we may be riding towards an inevitable collision between them!"
J.S.: "Look, how would you act if somebody took a knife to you!? Kale put the fear of God into Helix, and that's gonna cost him his title tonight!"
T.R.: "Helix just stares intently at PCS as he confers with the Lost Hanson! We are seeing two different approaches to this match! The fans are at a fever pitch as the combatants begin to circle each other, and PCS takes time to point at his tights that read 'Sell! Sell! Sell!' for the crowd, and they respond with the usual overwhelming boos!"
V.A.: "Helix is not amused!"
T.R.: "Helix goes after PCS but PCS kicks him in the gut and punches him a few times! He tries to whip Helix in but Helix reverses it and hits a flying clothesline and PCS tumbles wildy all the way out of the ring!"
VICTOR ALVAREZ: "PCS took a nasty fall there, and the Lost Hanson is right there to help him up!"
JAKE SHADES: "The Lost Hanson plays such a pivotal role in the career of PCS! He provides much needed moral support and helps him out in times of need!"
TONY ROSS: "Yeah, when he needs to win a match! Helix stands stoically in the ring waiting for PCS to get back in, but PCS is going into theatrics on the outside over how bad his back hurts! Hanson is even giving him a backrub now! Aww, the poor baby!"
J.S.: "Like I said, he is very important to PCS!"
T.R.: "Helix grabs PCS by the hair and pulls him right back into the ring and the fans love it! Big overhand chops to the head by Helix and he scoops PCS up and slams him neckfirst on the ropes! He even tries to kick at Hanson by the apron! Helix is not in a good mood tonight!"
V.A.: "I'm surprised Helix is even here tonight after that knife attack by Noble Kale on the last show! That just shows Helix's dedication to the sport!"
J.S.: "No, it just shows his blind stupidity! PCS is going to make him regret showing up tonight!"
T.R.: "There you see the bandage on Helix's neck, but Helix is in full control now! He pulls a screaming PCS to his feet and hits a side backbreaker, and Helix still has not shown any emotion!"
V.A.: "We are definately seeing a different Helix tonight, and Noble Kale may have gotten into his mind a little too much! He must focus on PCS with all his attention!"
J.S.: "Ha ha, Vic! It's only a matter of time, my friend, it's only a matter of time!"
T.R.: "Helix drops an elbow on PCS and covers! 1-2-No! Helix didn't hook the leg or anyting and you're not going to beat PCS like that! Hanson is trying his best to offer encouragement with his shrill voice on the outside!"
J.S.: "The Lost Hanson has found a life friend in PCS since his three brothers abandoned him to go on their crappy music career!"
T.R.: "What a noble human being PCS is! He uses Hanson to run interference and that's it! Helix pulls PCS up and PCS buys some time with an eye rake! He slumps into the corner and Helix tries a reverse elbow but nobody home! PCS hits a mule kick on Helix in the corner and he follows it up with a shoulder ram!"
J.S.: "There ya go, Pop, just focus and keep your head together and everything will be all good!"
T.R.: "Can I call this match without your biased views!? PCS elbows Helix in the mouth and he lets Helix drop to the mat! PCS raises his arms to the crowd and they tell him to go jump in the lake! PCS gives Hanson the thumbs up and he's climbing the ropes! He's going up top! Wait! Helix was pretending to be hurt and now he grabs PCS on the top rope!! He launches PCS halfway across the ring!! Wow!!"
V.A.: "PCS took entirely too much time to get up there and now Helix sent him into orbit!"
J.S.: "That's OK, PCS can shake that off easily! Helix ain't got game!" TONY ROSS: "PCS is favoring his back now as Helix stalks him for more punishment! He pulls PCS up and nails PCS in the jaw with a few stiff rights! He kicks PCS in the stomach and plants him with a DDT! Helix covers!! 1-2-Kickout!"
VICTOR ALVAREZ: "Helix didn't hook the leg again! It's almost as if he's trying to cruise through this match! He seems to have a lot on his mind!"
T.R.: "Well, we saw Noble Kale assisted out of the ring on a stretcher along with Billy Matthews after their bloody battle, so it's unlikely we'll see him again! Helix stomps on PCS' head a few times before dragging him to his feet! He's going for a piledriver! Somehow PCS blocks it! He still has enough strength! He blocks again and PCS flips him back! PCS stumbles into the ropes and takes a few breaths!"
J.S.: "That's it, conserve that energy, you're only a few minutes away from putting Helix away for good! You've got him right where you want him!"
T.R.: "Hey coach! Ease back there! PCS groggily approaches Helix and raises his arms again as if he's already conquered Helix, but Helix is up and in PCS' face just like that! He pushes PCS all the way into the corner and starts bludgeoning him with kicks and punches!! PCS has nowhere to go!"
V.A.: "Keep an eye on Hanson here, he's going to make a grab for Helix's leg!"
T.R.: "And that he does! Helix lets off PCS and starts yelling at Hanson on the outside! Hanson acts like he did nothing wrong! What a goon!"
J.S.: "What did you expect!? Helix wouldn't let PCS out of the corner and that's what he gets, Ross!"
T.R.: "This isn't boxing, Shades! PCS nails Helix on the side of the face as he was arguing with Hanson and now he dumps Helix up and over the ropes! PCS gets in referee William Bennett's face as Hanson puts the boots to Helix on the floor!"
V.A.: "The last thing PCS wants to do is get in Bennett's face because he will call this match a DQ in a hurry!"
T.R.: "Ohh!! Helix got right up and drilled Hanson in the face and he hits the deck! The fans respond in force! I don't think there's a person in here that didn't want to see that!"
J.S.: "Hanson is very fragile ever since his brothers disowned him, Helix had no right to do that!"
T.R.: "So it was OK for Hanson to kick him, like he had a right because his life was miserable! Please! Helix climbs back in only to be kicked back to the floor by PCS! Helix grabs a leg and yanks PCS right under the ropes and he bounced his head off the mat on the way down hard!!"
V.A.: "He may have knocked PCS cold with that move!"
T.R.: "No, PCS is showing signs of life as he swats at air when Helix pulled him up! Helix smashes him in the nose and PCS is still swinging at air! Helix rams him into the apron and that ended that feeble offense!"
V.A.: "Willy Bennett is counting here, they better get back in!"
TONY ROSS: "PCS is in a world of hurt now as Helix grimaces in anger as he throws him headlong into the railing! Bennett comes out and tries to get Helix to bring PCS back in! Helix ignores him and grabs PCS by the hair and punches him in the jaw and rolls him under the ropes!"
VICTOR ALVAREZ: "Helix almost looks unhappy to be here, like he doesn't even want to wrestle!"
T.R.: "I don't know if I want to go that far Vick, I think it's just his injury bothering him or the thoughts of Noble Kale's attack! PCS is in a daze as Helix lowers the boom with a big elbowdrop! Helix comes off the ropes with a high leg but PCS somehow manages to get out of the way!"
V.A.: "No matter how much offense Helix throws at him, PCS still manages to stay alive and elude him!"
J.S.: "And that's why PCS is going to be the next National Champion!"
T.R.: "PCS rolled out of the ring to collect himself and Helix is getting frustrated! Bennett tries to stop him from going out but he is out after PCS! PCS runs around the ring and Helix chases him! He's going to catch him! Ohh!! PCS turned at the last second and caught Helix with a boot!! He dropped him like a bad habit!!"
V.A.: "Helix hit with incredible force! PCS changed the outlook of this match just like that!"
J.S.: "Any money says Lebron didn't provide Helix with a good enough dental plan to cover that! Ha ha!!"
T.R.: "Helix is laid out on the floor as PCS catches his breath and rolls Helix back into the ring! PCS is going up top!! Moonsault!! I've never seen PCS do that before!! 1-2-Ohhh!! So close to a new champion!! PCS can't believe it and he's having words with Willie Bennett!"
J.S.: "That just proves how multi-dimensional PCS is, and all Helix can do is brawl! He never deserved that title, PCS is far superior! He just got lucky PCS was injured in their first match!"
V.A.: "PCS is still feeling the effects of the beatings Helix gave him, and is slow to mount an offensive!"
T.R.: "PCS stands up and wipes the sweat off his brow and right onto Helix! PCS calls to the crowd, gets the usual response, and comes off the ropes with a big knee to the head! PCS exaggerated that move big time! Helix is in trouble as PCS pulls him up and superkicks Helix in the face!! What impact!! 1-2-Again another kickout!"
V.A.: "PCS had the chance and he can't put Helix away! Helix refuses to be pinned!"
J.S.: "Come on, PCS hasn't even BEGUN to use his arsenal of moves!"
T.R.: "PCS is choking Helix and slapping him in the head! What is he saying to Helix!? 'I'm the better company man than you'?? PCS is using politics now to insult Helix!"
V.A.: "We know how PCS likes to sell things, maybe he thinks the FWF needs a more visible National Champion than Helix!"
T.R.: "That's like putting Howard Stern in charge of a strip club! PCS would abuse the power of the title to no end!"
TONY ROSS: "PCS is trying to get Helix in a full nelson, but Helix won't allow it! PCS can't lock his arms! Helix powers out of it, turns, and levels PCS!! What a turnaround!"
JAKE SHADES: "That's OK, Pop, we'll get him next time, just shake it off and kick him in the groin or something!"
VICTOR ALVAREZ: "Both men are lying on the mat, winded and hurt! The first man to get up may take this one!"
T.R.: "And Helix is up first! He sees PCS lying on the mat and opportunity is knocking! He drives a fist into the temple of PCS and stands up and roars out to the crowd and gets an ear-shattering response! This could be the end of PCS tonight, because Helix is fired up!"
J.S.: "Nooo!! It's not supposed to happen like this!! Get up PCS!!"
T.R.: "Helix locks on the Helix Choke-hold!! It's a crossface but instead his arms are around PCS' neck!!"
J.S.: "Why is this stupid hold legal!!?? It's a choke for crying out loud!!"
V.A.: "Somebody's coming to the ring! Who is it!?"
T.R.: "All I know is it's some guy with a mask and he's on the apron! He reveals some of his face as he lifts the mask at Helix and whoahh!!! Helix just jumped off PCS and is almost in shock at what he saw!! Who is that!!? Helix is almost freaking out now!! Bennett is arguing with this man to get off the apron but he won't budge!! Helix is almost frozen in suspended animation!! What is going on here!!?"
V.A.: "Noble Kale is coming to the ring!! Helix better come out of his state of shock!"
T.R.: "This masked man has Helix's attention and Kale slides into the ring!! He taps on Helix's shoulder and Helix turns around and gets kicked in the ribs!! Ohhh!!! Kale just hit the Dogma, that cradle brainbuster on Helix and Bennett never saw it! Kale slides out of the ring like the snake he is and he's got a big smile on his face!"
V.A.: "Kale still makes an appearance here as bruised and battered as he is! He must really hate Helix to risk even more injury to interfere!"
T.R.: "This is a travesty! Bennett never saw it and PCS shakes the cobwebs off and sees Helix lying on the mat!! He grabs him and slaps on the "Down Right Refreshing" dragon sleeper!! No!!! This isn't right!!"
J.S.: "YEEAAHHHHH!!!!! Ha ha ha ha ha ha!!"
T.R.: "Bennett looks confused but he raises Helix's arms once....twice........THREE TIMES!!! And because of Noble Kale, the FWF has a new National Champion!! I don't believe it!! How could this happen!!?"
J.S.: "MY STRATEGY WORKED!!!! YEEEAAHHHH PCS!!!"
(Jake Shades jumps from his broadcast position to jump in the ring and celebrate with PCS and the Lost Hanson)
T.R.: "There goes the idiot to celebrate with the two other idiots! PCS has stolen the title from Helix!! I am in shock!! Look at those goofballs!!"
VICTOR ALVAREZ: "Pop Culture's Superhero is the new FWF National Champion and there isn't anything here anybody can do! Bennett never saw Kale come into the ring and hit the Dogma, as that mysterious masked man, who just left ringside, distracted Helix! Helix was in shock over who it was, and we need to learn more about this right away!"
TONY ROSS: "Whoever that masked man was is obviously aligned with Noble Kale or PCS, and it could be another face from Helix's past, who knows!? The fact is, Pop Culture's Superhero stole the title from a true champion in Helix! The celebration continues in the ring! Fans, we are out of time for this edition of Battleground! We crowned a new champion this evening! Our next event will be an Internet only telecast coming up soon! Keep watching ESPN2 for more details! So long from Detroit!"
(The camera fades as PCS, the Lost Hanson, and Jake Shades celebrate the FWF National Title win in a ring filled with garbage and flying objects. Helix is shown getting up and rolling out of the ring and straight to the locker room with a look of rabid determination in his eyes. Fadeout)