Battle Net - Indianapolis, Promoters: S. Malec, J. LeBron
(FADE-IN: The scene is a bedroom. A boy is sitting in front
of his computer monitor and is shown entering ESPN's
website. As soon the boy clicks in, the screen goes black
and suddenly an FWF logo explodes on his monitor. CUE-UP:
"I'll Wait" by Van Halen. The boy's monitor changes over
and the FWF caravan is shown hauling ass down Interstate 65
towards Indianapolis. A string of mighty semis fly down the
expressway on the mild January Indiana prairie. A signpost
reads "INDIANAPOLIS CITY LIMITS 5 MILES". The camera zooms
in past the amazed boy's head and the image on the monitor
morphs into the screen shot. The trucks head into Downtown
Indianapolis and then several local landmarks are shown,
including Indianapolis Raceway, home of the Indy 500, the
Hoosier Dome, and the State Capitol building. The shot
changes to the front of the Market Square Arena, and the
marquee is shown scrolling ......
"TONIGHT......6:30.......FRONTIER WRESTLING
FEDERATION......BATTLENET I.....MAIN EVENT......POP
CULTURE'S SUPERHERO.......VS......"RAGE O' FIRE" JARED
WELLS....." People are shown entering the building and the
camera switches to a sweeping shot of the inside of the
Arena, and pans over to Tony Ross, Victor Alvarez, and Jake
Shades. Ross and Alvarez are in suits and Jake Shades has a
T-shirt that has a picture of the "MALEC-O-METER" clock,
which has its hands on midnight. He also has the cheesy
rayon tie around his neck)
TONY ROSS: "Wrestling fans around the Internet and around
the world, welcome to the FWF's first ever online Internet
broadcast! We are live from the Market Square Arena where
over 17,000 fans have sold out the building and wait in
anticipation for some hot FWF action!"
VICTOR ALVAREZ: "This is a first for us and I'm very proud
to be here, Tony! Fans are experiencing a new frontier in
wrestling and a new frontier in communications!"
JAKE SHADES: "Oh come on, Vicky, you know the majority of
people use the Internet for one thing and one thing
only.... T AND A!! And that includes myself!"
T.R.: "We really don't care, Jake! What a lineup we have
tonight! In the Main Event, new National Champion Pop
Culture's Superhero will battle massively popular "Rage o'
Fire" Jared Wells for the title!"
V.A.: "If you saw last Battleground, PCS stole the title
from Helix in stunning fashion, with the distraction of
Noble Kale to thank!"
J.S.: "My strategy worked to perfection! All hail the new
king!"
V.A.: "But PCS suffered a stunning loss to Noble Kale, the
man who helped him, in a non-title match last week at a
house card in Dayton, Ohio, so he may still be off his
game!"
J.S.: "Let's not talk about that, damnit!"
T.R.: "Speaking of Noble Kale, he and Helix are engaged in
the makings of what could appear to be a brutal war!
Kale's ally Isz briefly took off his mask during the main
event and what Helix saw stunned him and caused him to
lose! Tonight, Helix will be facing Isz the Masked Man
where Isz must unmask if he loses and Helix will be caned
if he loses!"
V.A.: "Obviously Helix knows who Isz is, and for some
reason, it's shocked him beyond belief! It will be
interesting to find out who Isz really is!"
JAKE SHADES: "Just as long as Helix loses and doesn't
become champion again, I'll be happy! Long live PCS! Long
live the King of the Ass-Kissers!!"
TONY ROSS: "Also, Jean Rabesque will be defending the U.S.
Frontier Title against Golem! Seek and Destroy will put
the National Tag Team Titles on the line against Rob
Anthony and Steve Lewiston, which should be an absolute mat
classic!"
VICTOR ALVAREZ: "I don't know if the Mercs are in the right
mind for this match, there seemed to be a lot of tension
between Anthony and Lewiston, and that I think is because
of Lewiston's recent change in attitude! He's not as serious
as he once was!"
J.S.: "Oh, that flake is just trying to act all cool and
hip! NOBODY is as hip as Pop Culture's Superhero, and I
can't wait until PCS takes "Rage o' Fart" and boots his
sorry fan-pandering ass right back to the WWL or IWC or
wherever the hell he came from! Long live the king of the
FWF!"
T.R. "Vic, I don't know about you, but I'm not putting up
with the cheerleading all night! Also fans, Billy Matthews
will face "Boy Toy" Beau Michaels in probably the first
male vs. male Nightgown match! Both of these men have
displayed feministic tendencies, so the FWF decided to have
these guys settle their differences in this way!"
V.A.: "Both men feel they provide the most "shock value"
for the FWF, and the Nightgown Match will settle any doubts
about that! Another FWF first!"
J.S.: "I think that will be the time I go to the bathroom,
do a number 2, and grab a beer!"
T.R.: "Could you do that the entire night, please!? We have
several other matches tonight including...."
(Just then, the screen switches to the back, and roaring up
the Market Square Arena service ramp is a large tattoed man
on a gigantic Harley Davidson Fat Boy)
T.R.: "Hey!! That's Nevada Smith!! He's back again! He's
not scheduled to wrestle tonight and he just roared into
the back on his Harley Davidson!! He's going to enter the
arena!!"
J.S.: "Yeahh!!! My man Nevada is in the house and he's
gonna wring Malec's neck now!! He's not even booked
tonight!! Malec lied!"
T.R.: "Oh my!! Nevada Smith comes barreling through the
curtain on his Harley and he rides right up to the ring and
quickly puts the kickstand down and climbs into the ring!!
The fans are at a fever pitch in here! What an entrance!"
V.A.: "Nevada Smith does not look happy at all!"
J.S.: "He's always pissed off, Victoria, and that's what I
love about him, and these peons in the crowd better shut
the hell up and let him talk! Only *I* can cheer for
Nevada!"
T.R.: "Nevada forcefully grabs the microphone from Paul
Kramer!"
NEVADA SMITH: "Hoo-Rah!! Nevada Smith is here and all that
crap! Let's get down to business, like right now! Malec,
get your sorry stuffed suit ass out here right now before
I decide ta come find it!"
TONY ROSS: "He's calling out FWF VP Scott Malec again!
Malec promised him last week he would get booked on the
next card and Smith is not in the lineup!"
JAKE SHADES: "Heyyyy!!! Nevada!! What's up my man! Heyyy!!"
(Shades stands up waving, trying to get Smith's attention.
Smith looks over to him)
NEVADA SMITH: "Siddown and shut the hell up!! I don't have
time to hear your B.S.!" (crowd roars) Get out here now,
Malec, before I get REALLY pissed off!"
Tony Ross: "The crowd reacts as VP Malec appears from
behind the curtain! He has a mic!"
SCOTT MALEC: "OK, Nevada, I'm here, what is it?"
N.S.: "On that last show you put on, you said that I was
gonna get a chance to rip somebody's head off in the ring!
Now, I've been hollerin' challenges left and right and none
of these so-called superstars had the stones to answer it!
Then I find out you didn't book me for this parade of fools
either! You better have a damn good explanation for this,
damnit!"
S.M.: "First of all, Nevada, don't address in me in that
tone! As long as you are an employee of the Frontier
Wrestling Federation, you cannot just run around barging
into events whenever you damn well please! This is a
business we are running here, not a biker rally!"
N.S.: "Spare me the corporate, B.S. it got real OLD a long
time ago!"
S.M.: "Listen! I'm a fair man, and I treat the wrestlers
with respect just as President Lebron does, and I expect
the same in return! As for you not being booked, I told you
that you would have a match on the next BattleGROUND, not
BattleNET! And I am more than happy to schedule you for the
next Battleground show!"
N.S.: "That's a poor excuse for incompetence and you know
it, Malec! I just ran out of patience!!"
(Smith rolls out of the ring and jumps on his Harley)
T.R.: "Smith starts up his bike and he turns it towards
Malec!! What is he doing! Listen to the roar of that bike
as he goes after the FWF VP! Malec escapes behind the
curtain as Smith guns that thing to at least 30 miles per
hour up the ramp and through the curtain!! Wow!! Malec had
better find a shoe to crawl into!"
V.A.: "VP Malec is right! He did say on the next
Battleground Nevada Smith will wrestle! I can't say he
lied!"
J.S.: "Yeah...well.....Nevada's gonna get him, you be sure
of that!"
T.R.: "Boy, he made you look really stupid, Shades! He had
no time for anything you had to say!"
J.S.: "Just shut up."
T.R.: "Fans, this crowd is already at intense levels, so
let's go up to Paul Kramer for the first match!"
PAUL KRAMER: "Ladies and gentlemen, in our first match,
coming to the ring," (CUE-UP: "Stop Being Greedy" by DMX)
"From New York City, weighing in at 270lbs., VENOM!!"
(The crowd reacts with mostly boos as Venom walks to the
ring emotionless wearing black baggy pants and tight
leather gloves)
P.K.: "And his opponent," (CUE-UP: Cactus Jack's Theme)
"From Truth or Consequences, New Mexico, weighing in at
287lbs., CACTUS LAATSCH!!"
(The crowd has a mixed reaction to Laatsch as this is their
first real look at him. He's wearing a black shirt and
black tights. He stares wildly out at the fans)
TONY ROSS: "OK, here is our first look at Cactus Laatsch
and he's going to face FWF stalwart Venom! What are your
thoughts on Laatsch, Vic?"
VICTOR ALVAREZ: "I don't know too much about his background
prior to wrestling, but he came here from the AWF and had
success and apparently had problems with their boss, so he
signed on with the FWF!"
JAKE SHADES: "And that's like jumping from the Toledo Mud
Hens to the New York Yankees!"
T.R.: "Venom is his usual cheery self as he stares Laatsch
down across the ring, but Cactus is staring off into space!
Laatsch suddenly attacks wildly! He peppers Venom with
quick rights and lefts and even a few boots, but Venom is
so strong, he pushes Cactus away and kicks him in the side
of the head! What agility Venom has to get that leg up like
that!"
V.A.: "Venom is a deadly human being to say the least! He
knows several martial arts and fighting styles, and he has
the mean streak to go with it!"
T.R.: "Cactus seems confused by this, maybe he's not used
to wrestler's fighting back! Venom tries another kick but
Cactus blocks and chops him square in the throat and Venom
goes down like a ton of bricks! Cactus is on top of Venom
choking away!"
J.S.: "Well, at least this guy has the good sense to
cheat, otherwise he would get nowhere here!"
T.R.: "Good sense? Like you have to cheat to acheive
success? Tell that to Jean Rabesque and he'll smack you
upside the head!"
J.S.: "Rabesque just has unbelievable luck and Golem will
show him the penalty for being a fan-coddling twit when he
pulls his gums out with the Claw!"
T.R.: "You know that hold is banned, Shades! Cactus finally
lets off the chokehold as referee Sal Putz finally got the
big New Mexico native off of Venom! Cactus stares wildly at
the crowd and goes back in for the attack! He stomps away
at Venom's head, but Venom somehow gets to his feet and
tackles Cactus! Venom maneuvers on top of him and is just
assauling him with those big forearms! Cactus has nowhere
to go!"
V.A.: "Venom is showing his fighting background here in the
ring as he has Cactus! He may be trying to get Cactus to
tap out from the beating!"
T.R.: "I don't think that's going to happen because this
Cactus Laatsch looks to be very tough!"
TONY ROSS: "Venom stands up and raises his arms to the
crowd! Cactus quickly gets to his feet and Venom catches
him with a thunderous kneelift! Venom pulls him right back
up and sends him into the ropes! Big clothesline!"
JAKE SHADES: "I've always liked Venom's style! He just
needs a little seasoning and to cheat a little bit more,
and he'll be a mega-star here!"
T.R.: "And some advice from you, right?"
J.S.: "Of course, I have the ability to turn potential
intio reality! Just look at PCS, the finest champion the
world has ever seen!"
T.R.: "Venom methodically pulls Cactus back up and slams
the big man down!"
V.A.: "Another point about Venom is, not only can he fight
well, but he is immensely strong, and his physique is
impeccable!"
J.S.: "Yeah, Venom is almost as ripped as I am!"
T.R.: "Oh please Shades, the only time you are ripped is
after about 2 more cups of that Moonshine in front of you!"
J.S.: "There you go again, accusing me of drinking on the
job, when it is Vic here that blows the froth right off his
beers in front of you!"
T.R.: "Whatever! Venom continues his assualt as he trips
Cactus up and applies a leglock submission! Cactus reaches
out for the ropes and makes it! The hold is broken! Venom
gets up and holds the ropes as he stomps away at Laatsch!
Putz warns him again but Venom doesn't seem to care! He
just wants to hurt Laatsch!"
V.A.: "There you see Venom's mean streak, an unyielding
machine of destruction! But Venom's temper can be his
downfall!"
J.S.: "Just like your lack of intelligence is your
downfall, Vic!"
T.R.: "Putz is in Venom's face now as Cactus somehow gets
to his feet and he still has that wild look in his face! He
grabs Venom from behind and rocks him with a back suplex!!
He gets right up and smothers Venom's face with his boot!
He kicks Venom in the ribs and comes off the ropes!!
Splash!! 1-2-No!! Venom kicked out! Laatsch is on the
attack now and he pulls Venom up by the hair and hits a
double chop to the throat!!"
V.A.: "Cutting off Venom's air is a good strategy by
Laatsch, because that would take the fight out of him
quickly!"
J.S.: "I wish I could cut the air from both of you
guys....PERMANENTLY!!"
T.R.: "Cactus pulls Venom up and hits a nice fallaway slam!
Cactus seems to alter from cheap tactics like choking to
some good wrestling moves! Being unpredictable may actually
help him here! Cactus picks him up and sends him to the
ropes! Cactus ducks his head and Venom grabs him and hits a
big bulldog!! He almost put Laatsch's head through the mat!"
V.A.: "You don't ever duck your head like that against a
guy like Venom, and Laatsch better learn from these
mistakes if he wants to be successful here in the FWF!"
TONY ROSS: "Venom really planted him and he shakes off
Laatsch's earlier attack and gets Cactus to his feet!
Standing dropkick by Venom!! Wow! What agility!"
VICTOR ALVAREZ: "Laatsch's jaw snapped back viciously and
that could have injured him badly! What a dropkick!"
JAKE SHADES: "It's too bad Laatsch now works for the FWF,
because Lebron's dental plan is about as realistic
as winning the Publisher's Clearing House Sweepstakes!"
T.R.: "Yes, we know about how you analyzed the FWF's
policies! Shades, you can't even read so you don't know
anything about FWF insurance! Venom looks confident now as
he places Laatsch on the top rope with that strength of
his! He's going to try and belly to back suplex him!
Laatsch chops him on the top of the head and pushes Venom
off! Laatsch leaps and hits Venom with a flying
clothesline!!"
V.A.: "Laatsch isn't covering! He's just lying there! That
kick from Venom is really hurting him!"
J.S.: "No, he just remembered that Mick Foley is suing him
for copyright infringement! He's frustrated!"
T.R.: "Ouch! Cactus finally rolls over and covers!!
1-2-Kickout! Cactus slowly gets to his feet but Venom kicks
him from the mat and rolls him up in a small package!!
1-2-Almost!! Both men are up at the same time and charge off
the opposite ropes at each other!! Cactus kicks Venom in
the stomach! Double-arm DDT!!! A cover!! 1-2-3!! He got
him!! Cactus Laatsch with a huge win here on his FWF debut
at BattleNet I!"
V.A.: "He calls that the Double-Laatsch DDT and there going
to have to dig Venom's head up from the mat! What a big win
for Laatsch here to get started in the FWF!"
J.S.: "The Double-Laatsch DDT!? How many days did it take
him to figure that one out!?"
T.R.: "Wait a minute! "The Franchise" Codie Thompson is on
his way to the ring, and he has an I Quit match with
Michael Kerrigan later on in the night! What does he want!?
The fans begin throwing garbage and booing him
mercilessly! Cactus is still in the ring, and Thompson hits
the apron and...look at this!! He just pulled out a huge
wad of cash! He flashes it to Cactus Laatsch, and he smiles
and takes it!! He stuffs the money in his tights and he and
Codie Thompson walk away together!"
V.A.: "It looks like Codie Thompson has found a new recruit
in his quest to become president of the FWF! Cactus Laatsch
may have just joined ranks with him! And they have the
backing of the infamous JC!"
J.S.: "I hope Thompson teaches him some originality! Oh
wait, that's like asking Lebron to show somebody how not to
be cheap! Silly me!"
T.R.: "Cactus Laatsch and Codie Thompson leave ringside
together, and now it's time for a special interview!"
(The camera switches over to the locker room entrance.
CUE-UP: "Whiskey in the Jar" by Metallica. "Rage o' Fire"
Jared Wells emerges from behind the curtain and the
Indianapolis crowd erupts. He slaps his way through a wall
of hands and hits the ring. He looks around the crowd
wearing light blue jeans, black boots, no shirt and a white
Adidas hat on backwards. He takes the mic from Paul Kramer)
"RAGE o' FIRE" JARED WELLS: "RAGE is back in the MARKET
SQUARE AAAARRRREEEENNNNAAAA!!! (crowd pops) Ya know, I'm
sittin' in the back getting ready for my title match
tonight and I couldn't help it that I heard a bunch of
screaming people out here, because if there is, I got a case
of beer in the back and ready to go all night long! (crowd
pops)"
JAKE SHADES: "And you talk about me??"
TONY ROSS: "Shut up and listen for once!"
J.W.: "Tonight, you people wanted it, and you people
demanded it....I will get my chance to be your FWF NATIONAL
CHAMPION! I've been to the top before and I know what it's
like. Not only will this be history tonight but I will
become a FOUR-TIME CHAMPION! So this one goes out to the
POP CULTURE out there! (Gives a crotch chop as some fans
boo) I couldn't help it, I was just on the phone with Sean
Edmunds earlier today. I still kinda got the D-XXX/Triple
XXX gimmick in me! (Laughs) But for the POP CULTURE your
days are dawned by the RAGE...yes, there will be a new
leader in town. No, I'm no SUPERHERO, but I am the BEST.
When it's all said and done I will be the next FWF NATIONAL
CHAMPION and there ain't a damn thing you can do about
that!!!
(Wells throws the mic down as the fans go wild. He climbs
out of the ring)
T.R.: "Jared Wells just came out and issued his mission
statement for tonight! He wants the National Title in the
worst way!"
J.S.: "Well, that's a damn shame, because he can't have it!
He's gonna end up in the gutter just like Helix! And if any
of these other baby-faced clowns around here like Rabesque
and Goldwire want a shot, PCS will put them away too! He
and I have worked out a full proof strategy to hold on to
that belt!"
V.A.: "Jared Wells has all the tools and the multitude of
fans at his side! I don't think that it's going to be that
easy!"
J.S.: "Yeah, well Helix had all the idiot fans with him too
and look what happened! PCS PUNKED him!! Ha ha ha ha ha!!
Long live the king of the FWF!!"
T.R.: "And his JESTER, Jake Shades!! Let's get back up to
Paul!"
PAUL KRAMER: "In our next match, coming to the ring,"
(CUE-UP: "Millenium" by Killing Joke) "From Wichita,
Kansas, weighing in at 240lbs., SHRIKE!!"
(The fans cheer as Shrike walks down the aisle, clowning
around with the fans at ringside. His tights have Prey '99
on the rearend)
P.K.: "And his opponent," (CUE-UP: "Mary Jane's Last Dance"
by Tom Petty) "From Phoenix, Arizona, weighing in at
283lbs., HENRY GOLDWIRE!!"
(The fans cheer again as Goldwire walks to the ring in long
red tights, fully focused on the ring and Shrike)
TONY ROSS: "This should be a good, clean, honest wrestling
match, something I haven't seen in a long time!"
JAKE SHADES: "It's also going to be one of the most boring
matches of all time! Somebody get rid of these losers!"
VICTOR ALVAREZ: "Both of these men are champions many times
over in pro wrestling, they are by no means losers!"
J.S.: "Once again we hear from the Goldwire shill! Look,
these guys have done JACK SQUAT in the FWF, and as far as
I'm concerned, Shrike is a gimp and Goldwire cost me money,
so wake me up when this farce is over!"
T.R.: "Shrike has shown a comedic tendency in his latest
FWF interviews, and he may be trying to offer some comic
relief to counter all the dark, lonely figures who have
had terrible lives! Shrike and Goldwire circle and Shrike
offers his hand! Goldwire accepts but Shrike pulls back and
runs his hand through his hair and gets a laugh out of it!"
V.A.: "As long as Shrike doesn't lose focus of the match at
hand with his comedy efforts, he'll do fine!"
J.S.: "SSSNNNOOORRREEEEE!!!!!!"
T.R.: "Vic, put a muzzle on him! They lock up and Goldwire
slaps a headlock on the smaller Shrike! Shrike tries to pry
free but is unsuccessful! Goldwire is coming off a big win
against Codie Thompson, a DQ victory caused by the
interference of the Originators as Goldwire was about to
put Thopmson away with his Lights Out sleeper!"
V.A.: "Goldwire, by his usual nature, just accepted the
beating and thought nothing more of it! Goldwire doesn't
like to involve himself in feuds, he just wants to wrestle!
He wants nothing to do with Thompson's quest for FWF
leadership!"
T.R.: "Shrike makes it to the ropes and Goldwire breaks it,
but Shrike hits Goldwire with a standing dropkick and
Goldwire flips right out of the ring! Wow! He almost landed
on his head! Shrike parades around the ring with a big
smile on his face!"
J.S.: "Shrike is most definitely the poster boy for
Euthanasia!"
V.A.: "Goldwire took a nasty spill but he's already making
his way back into the ring!"
T.R.: "Shrike grabs him at the ropes and suplexes him back
into the ring! Shrike quickly mounts the turnbuckles and
dives off with a flying elbow!! 1-2-No!!! Almost an early
victory for the Birds of Prey member!"
VICTOR ALVAREZ: "Shrike did not bring his fellow partners
to the ring so this may be a show of independence from them
in his singles career!"
JAKE SHADES: "Man, if he brought the other two to the ring,
talk about ad nauseum! That's almost as bad as Lebron,
Malec, and McCann!"
TONY ROSS: "Shrike is in firm control as he pulls Goldwire
up and comes off the ropes with a big flying spin kick and
Goldwire tumbles into the corner! Nice move by Shrike!
Shrike follows him into the corner with a running
clothesline and he buries Goldwire into the turnbuckles!!
Goldwire is in a daze now as Shrike climbs up top again and
bulldogs Goldwire!! 1-2-Kickout!!"
V.A: "I've never seen Goldwire in so much
trouble so early, I wonder if something is on his mind!"
J.S.: "It's probably the Valiums! Goldwire has the
personality of a ring post!"
T.R.: "Shrike applies a chin lock to wear down Goldwire
some more, and Goldwire is really hurting here!"
V.A.: "Good thinking by Shrike! He should slow up the pace
and wear down Goldwire before launching another aerial
assault!"
T.R.: "Shrike at one time held a singles title in the AFWC,
as well as many tag team titles with the Birds of Prey
around the globe, so he is no stranger to winning! Goldwire
is a former World Champion and needs to get it together
here! Goldwire shows some signs of life but Shrike elbows
him on the top of the head and rams his head back into the
mat! Shrike is going up top again! Flying body press!!
Noo!! Goldwire caught it and turned it into a powerslam!!
1-2-Ohhhh!! The fans here thought he had him!! So close!!"
V.A.: "Referee Danny Diaper was an inch from the 3 count
and the fans here thought that was it! What a move by
Goldwire!"
J.S.: "Whaa?? Huh?? Is it over?"
T.R.: "Do us a favor and go back to sleep Jake! Goldwire is
not mounting any offense here because he can't get up!
Shrike gets to his feet slowly and approaches Goldwire!
Ohh!! Goldwire grabs him and rolls him up!! 1-2-Ohhh!!
Again, so close!"
V.A.: "Goldwire was just playing dead there and waited for
Shrike to make a move! A great veteran strategy by Goldwire
there!"
T.R.: "Shrike looks frustrated as he bounces off the ropes
and levels Goldwire with a flying forearm! He pulls
Goldwire right up and hits a gourdbuster, a forward
suplex!! 1-2-No!! Shrike can't believe Goldwire won't stay
down! He's looking out to the fans in animated
bewilderment!"
J.S.: "I'm wondering why Shrike was even allowed into the
FWF! I thought Lebron was weeding out the jobbers?"
T.R.: "Shrike elbows Goldwire in the head and comes off the
ropes with a stinging dropkick! Goldwire is favoring his
jaw as he tumbles through the ropes and back out!! Shrike
mounts the top turnbuckle!! He's going to jump on
Goldwire!! Ohhh!! Shrike leaped from the top with a body
press down to Goldwire on the floor and they both land
hard!! Wow!!"
VICTOR ALVAREZ: "What a dangerous move by Shrike flying out
to Goldwire on the concrete like that! He doesn't seem hurt
as he resumes his attack on Goldwire!"
JAKE SHADES: "I wish they both would have broke something
so I wouldn't have to sit through their sorry ass matches
anymore!"
TONY ROSS: "This is a great match, Shades, it is possible
without cheating you know! Shrike tries to ram Goldwire
into the post, but he blocks! Shrike goes headfirst into
the steel!! He falls to the floor flailing wildly in pain!
Goldwire drops to his knee and tries to collect himself!"
V.A.: "Goldwire just bought himself some time to gather his
wits and put together a winning game plan here!"
J.S.: "Victoria, does Goldwire pay you to promote him, or
are you just sexually attracted to him!?"
T.R.: "I thought you were sleeping! Goldwire approaches him
but Shrike manages to kick him and rolls him back into the
ring! Shrike is on the apron and he waits for Goldwire to
get up! He slingshots over the ropes and clotheslines
Goldwire!! 1-2-Kickout!!"
V.A.: "Shrike got some extra momentum from those ropes to
put some added zing in that clothesline, but it still
wasn't enough to put Goldwire out!"
J.S.: "Maybe Shrike's lame-ass comedy routine can make
Goldwire sick enough to pin him! Get this over with, I want
PCS!!"
T.R.: "You'll get him soon enough! Shrike gets Goldwire to
his feet and sends him into the ropes! Flying headscissors
takedown into a rollup!! 1-2-Kickout! Goldwire gets right
up and chops Shrike in the chest! It looks like Goldwire has
had enough!! More chops and Shrike is backed into the
corner!! Goldwire rams him with his shoulders a few times!
He belly to back suplexes Shrike out of the corner and pins
him!! 1-2-Nope!!"
V.A.: "Where did Goldwire get that surge from!? Was he just
toying with Shrike that whole time!?"
J.S.: "Take a look at Shrike and tell me how much he could
possibly hurt someone! The "Canary" is a pushover!"
T.R.: "Yeah, until he gets in your face, Shades, and then
you'll be changing your tune!"
J.S.: "I'd like to see that wimp get in my face, I'll smear
him like Jello, I'll flip him like a flapjack!"
T.R.: "Where have I heard this before! Goldwire is
pummeling Shrike with hammer-like fists and he slams Shike
down with an implant slam!! Big elbowdrop! He rolls Shrike
up in a cradle!! 1-2-kickout! Goldwire pulls him up hits an
inverted atomic drop and follows it up with a
spine-snapping short clothesline!! Shrike almost lost his
head!!"
V.A.: "Goldwire is hitting his moves with tremendous
authority now, and this could be the end of Shrike here at
BattleNet!"
T.R.: "Shrike stumbles to the ropes and Goldwire charges
him!! Ohhh!! Goldwire clotheslines him but both men go over
and down from the momentum!! They smack the concrete with a
sickening thud as Danny Diaper begins the count!!"
VICTOR ALVAREZ: "Whoever gets up first may very well win
this match!"
JAKE SHADES: "And somebody better get up quick because I
ain't sittin' here all night!"
TONY ROSS: "Aw, Jake, you're just still hurt over the
snubbing Nevada Smith gave you earlier!"
J.S.: "I told you to shut up about that."
T.R.: "Shrike and Goldwire get to their feet and begin
chopping away at each other!! Rights and lefts and neither
man is backing down!!"
V.A.: "They're not even paying attention to Diaper's count!"
T.R.: "Goldwire plows Shrike into the security railing and
starts pummeling his head with fists! Shrike kicks him in
the stomach and chops him in the chest and the bell is
ringing!! Diaper has counted both men out!!"
V.A.: "These guys were fighting so hard, they forgot to get
back in the ring! Both of these wrestlers showed me their
mettle tonight!"
J.S.: "So the dummies get themselves counted out and you
think that's a good thing!? The only thing they showed me is
how stupid they are, but thank God they ended it when they
did, because I almost didn't make it through this
snorefest!"
T.R.: "Fans, despite Jake Shades comments, that was a great
match and both men are still exchanging shots as some
members of security try to break them apart! Both men are
pried away from each other and security will assist them to
the locker rooms! What a fight!"
V.A.: "See Shades, there's nothing wrong when two guys can
fight it out like two grown men instead of cheating like
PCS does!"
J.S.: "PCS is SUPREME! Do not speak of him in that way or I
shall lay the smack down on you Vicky! Mere peasant!"
T.R.: "The ego is rolling tonight, Vic, as always! Let's
take it back up to Paul Kramer!"
(The camera pans around the crowd and focuses on some signs
including, "SOMEBODY SHOOT SHADES", "MICHAELS AND
MATTHEWS-BOSOM BUDDIES", "NEVADA IS THE F'N OMEGA", and
"INDY HATES PCS")
PAUL KRAMER: "In our next match is an I Quit Match! To
win, you must make your opponent say the words 'I Quit'!
First, coming to the ring, (CUE-UP: "Jump Around" by House
of Pain) "From Phoenix, Arizona, weighing in at 255lbs.,
"THE FRANCHISE" CODIE THOMPSON!! He is accompanied by
"Extreme" Johnny Gunnz!"
(The crowd erupts with boos as Thompson and Gunnz make
their way to the ring taunting the fans)
"And his opponent," (CUE-UP: "Real Solution #9" by White
Zombie) "From Toronto, Ontario, weighing in at 225lbs.,
MICHAEL "THE DRAGON" KERRIGAN!!"
(The crowd has a mixed reaction as Kerrigan walks to the
ring wearing red and white tights with the Canadian Maple
Leaf on them)
TONY ROSS: "This is going to be an I Quit Match, the first
one of its kind in FWF history, another first tonight for
the FWF!"
JAKE SHADES: "Yeah, but it's been done before!"
T.R.: "These two had a run-in on the last Battleground when
Kerrigan saved Joe Lebron from a beating at the hands of
Thompson! Eddie McCann then came down and berated Kerrigan
for not signing a contract with WAR and tempers flared!
Thompson is obviously angry about Kerrigan's inteference!"
V.A.: "I'm still trying to figure out why McCann was angry
with Kerrigan, even though he saved McCann's partner! There
is a lot of bad blood between the two men! But right here,
Thompson and Kerrigan will settle their differences in an I
Quit match!"
J.S.: "If I was Thompson, I would have finished the job on
idiot Lebron!"
T.R.: "Lebron showed a lot of class by not firing Thompson,
because Lebron did push him first! Well, here we go as the
two combatants start sizing each other up! Referee Stu
Fields has a microphone that will be used to see if either
Kerrigan or Thompson will quit!"
V.A.: "A lot of pride is on the line in this match, because
nobody wants to be the man that says 'I Quit' in front of
thousands in the arena and millions watching on the Web!"
J.S.: "I told you already what the Internet is good for!"
T.R.: "We know! A lot of talking is going on here between
Kerrigan and Thompson, as the two men try to psyche each
other out! Thompson continued his crusade tonight by
apparently recruiting cactus Laatsch to join his 'campaign'
so to speak!"
V.A.: "Thompson has added "Extreme" Johnny Gunnz in recent
weeks, and with the backing of JC and Michael Motta, they
could do some damage!"
T.R.: "I just feel the FWF is too strong right now for them
to even put a dent in it!"
J.S.: "That's because you're the company ass-kisser! You're
paid to say that!"
TONY ROSS: "No, unlike you Shades, I have some integrity
and honesty! Thompson and Kerrigan lock it up and we have a
stalemate! They push each other off and circle each other
again! Hold everything! Eddie McCann is coming to ringside!"
VICTOR ALVAREZ: "He's either going to apologize to Kerrigan
or yell at him some more!"
JAKE SHADES: "No, Lebron just sent him out for pizza and he
wandered the wrong way!"
T.R.: "McCann comes to the ring and he stops at the apron
and watches with his arms crossed, saying nothing! Kerrigan
spots him and stops in his tracks! Kerrigan looks angry
here! Even Thompson doesn't know what to do!"
V.A.: "Obviously nothing was resolved from last week!"
T.R.: "Kerrigan takes the mic from the ref!"
MICHAEL KERRIGAN: "First of all, I never agreed to an I
Quit Match, and second, if this guy is going to stand
outside and watch, I'm not wrestling, I Quit!"
T.R.: "He said the words and with that, Kerrigan leaves the
ring and walks past McCann like he wasn't even there!
Kerrigan has quit and the bell is ringing! Thompson doesn't
believe it! McCann just watches Kerrigan leave ringside!"
V.A.: "I'm not going to speculate on their personal
problems, but FWF VP Eddie McCann and Michael Kerrigan have
a serious problem when Kerrigan, an intense competitor,
quits a match because McCann is at ringside! Thompson will
take the win, though!"
J.S.: "Kerrigan was a quitter the day he saved Lebron from
getting his teeth handed to him by Thompson! I lost all
respect for Kerrigan when he tried to be a corporate
kiss-butt like you, Ross!"
T.R.: "Hey, maybe he was just trying to right a wrong,
Kerrigan hasn't been the most pleasant of characters the
past few months! Maybe he realized it was time for a
change!"
J.S.: "Then maybe he should just quit the FWF then!"
T.R.: "That would be a tad drastic, don't you think?
Anyways, McCann leaves ringside and his stare never left
Kerrigan, even when he went behind the curtains!"
(Fade to a MWF promo)
(The camera pans the arena again and focuses on a group of
fans that are all decked out in Pepsi gear just like PCS. A
striking blonde wearing a low cut tank top and
painted on jeans screams into the camera "I WANT TO
RAAAGE!!" Some guy has his hair in a ponytail and has his
face painted like Sage with green flames. A sign is briefly
passed that reads "I MARK FOR BLOOD")
PAUL KRAMER: "In our next match, coming to the ring,"
(CUE-UP: "Shape of Things" by the Jeff Healy Band) "From
Cincinnati, Ohio, weighing in at 245lbs., JONATHAN NASH!!"
(The crowd cheers its approval as Nash jogs to the ring in
traditional wrestling tights)
P.K.: "And his opponent," (CUE-UP: "Pretty Fly For a White
Guy" by Offspring) "From Kalamazoo, Michigan, weighing in
at 301lbs., COPYCAT!!"
(The crowd boos loudly as Copycat walks to the ring with an
annoyed look on his face that says 'I don't want to be
here'. He has on the same tights that Jean Rabesque wears
with a WAR T-shirt. He is also, for some reason, carying a
golf club that has "NASH" carved into the handle)
TONY ROSS: "That didn't take long!! Copycat tackles Nash
and and drills him with the golf club, and referee Stu
Fields immediately gets rid of it! Copycat is going to town
on Nash!"
VICTOR ALVAREZ: "There has been speculation over the past
few weeks that Copycat has been attacking the Mercenaries,
and he vehemently denies it! Copycat wants to prove
everyone wrong!"
T.R.: "I think it is obvious that it was Copycat, he's just
playing his mind games! Copycat and Jean Rabesque have a
history stemming from WAR, but he has Rabesque's friend
Jonathan Nash to contend with!"
J.S.: "You mean Rabesque's hired stooge! Rabesque didn't
have enough guts to step in with Copycat himself, so he
sent this second rate bum in there with him!"
T.R.: "Jonathan Nash is NOT a second rate bum, he is a very
fine wrestler that Copycat just happens to be pummeling
mercilously! Copycat appears to be extremely angry with the
whole situation!"
V.A.: "I wonder what the signifigance of the golf club was!"
J.S.: "To beat the snot out of Nash, that's what!"
T.R.: "Copycat is all over Nash like white on rice! He will
not let Nash get up! Copycat pulls him to his feet and
levels him with a thunderous clothesline! That shot with
the golf club didn't help Nash either! Now Copycat is
parading around the ring declaring that he is Copycat and
he had nothing to do with those attacks on Rabesque!"
V.A.: "Well, if it was him, we know the agenda is there
from WAR!"
J.S.: "Who WOULDN'T want to jump Rabesque!? The guys is so
annoying, he's lucky he doesn't get shot down in the street
by somebody!"
T.R.: "I think that applies to YOU a lot more than
Rabesque! Nash has said that he really wanted this match,
because he knows Rabesque has a title to defend! He may
have made a mistake!"
TONY ROSS: "Copycat gets Nash to his feet and applies a
bear hug! Copycat is much larger than Nash and has been
manhandling him from the get-go! Ohhh!! Nash just dug his
fingers into Copycat's eyes and that broke that hold in
a hurry!"
JAKE SHADES: "And of course he had to cheat to do it!"
T.R.: "I thought you advocated that behavior!?"
J.S.: "Not when it's done by a useless slob like Nash!"
T.R.: "Nash buys some time in the corner but Copycat
charges him! Nash steps aside and Copycat, meet the steel
post! He went in there like a runaway steamroller!! Nash
rolls him up on the rebound!! 1-2-Kickout! Nash is up and
putting some furious boots to Copycat and the fans love it!"
V.A.: "Copycat's plan of a full out assault on Nash didn't
seem to work out in the long run!"
T.R.: "I've never seen Nash so angry! He's now on top of
Copycat and ohhh!! Copycat with a low blow! He stopped Nash
in his tracks and Nash falls out of the ring in serious
pain!"
J.S.: "Ha ha ha ha! The classic way to stop the opponents
offense! Kudos to Copycat!"
T.R.: "You are pathetic! Copycat looks out towards the
crowd as they roar in disapproval! Copycat rolls out to
administer some more punishment! He rams Nash shoulderfirst
into the post! He bounces Nash off the apron!"
V.A.: "I was just thinking that I don't even know if
Copycat is signed with the FWF, so this could be a one time
only deal for him, just to silence the critics
and accusations!"
J.S.: "I wouldn't want to wrestle here either! Lebron pays
in peanuts and this place reeks of corruption!"
T.R.: "And you are the prime source for it! Copycat atomic
drops Nash on that already sensitive groin! He rolls Nash
back into the ring and climbs in after him! Nash is on his
feet and Copycat rakes his eyes viciously! He drops down
and starts choking Nash! Referee Stu Fields wants none of
that!"
V.A.: "Copycat is also not showing the traditional
wrestling he usually displays! These claims against him may
have changed him for the worse!"
J.S.: "You mean for the better! Copycat is a changed man
and I like it! Anybody that's willing to destroy a
Mercenary is OK in my book!"
T.R.: "Copycat picks Nash up and goes for a suplex but Nash
blocks!! He turns it into a small package!! 1-2-Very
close!! Copycat gets right up and kicks at Nash who falls
out of the ring again! Nash tries to get back in but
Copycat keeps kicking him away!! Stu Fields pulls Copycat
away and is really getting on his case!"
J.S.: "And here we go again with thse idiot referees
touching the wrestlers! These jerks aren't gonna be happy
until they get popped in the head!"
T.R.: "Unlike you, they're doing their job! Nash slides
back into the ring behind Copycat!! Ohhh!!! Nash issues a
low blow of his own and Copycat collapses in a heap!!"
VICTOR ALVAREZ: "Nash is slow to attack Copycat, showing
the effects of the all-out assault he withstood!"
TONY ROSS: "Nash stalks Copycat and pulls the big man to
his feet and whips him in! Running clothesline!! Wow!! Nash
drops a leg on Copycat! A cover!! 1-2-no!! Nash bounces
Copycat's head off the mat a few times and drags him up by
the hair! He slams the big man!! Nash shows some strength
here!"
V.A.: "Nash can fight with the best of them, and if you
remeber last Battleground, he went toe-to-toe with the
Blazer, a vicious man in his own right!"
T.R.: "Nash did make that surprise appearance last week
replacing Steve Lewiston who was attacked in back by some
MWF thugs, and we still don't know who it was! I do know JC
was behind it!"
J.S.: "Be careful what you say, Ross, JC has eyes
everywhere!! Ha ha ha ha!!"
T.R.: "Including you, you lackey! Nash DDTs Copycat!! This
could be it!! Nash calls to the fans! Wait a second!! Who
is that running towards the ring!!?"
V.A.: "It's the Black Cat!! Maybe Copycat was right! This
could be the man attacking Jean Rabesque in recent weeks!"
T.R.: "Black Cat grabs a chair and is on the apron! Nash
goes over to him and Nash kciks the chair right into the
Black Cat's face!! Copycat has the golf club!! He sneaks up
from behind and nails Nash in the groin with it!! Stu
Fields saw it!! This is going to be a DQ!!"
V.A.: "The two 'Cats are working in cahoots here, and there
could have been two of these guys all along! They look very
similar, I'll tell you that!"
J.S.: "See, idiots like you didn't believe Copycat, and now
Nash is gonna pay for it with his body!! Too bad!"
T.R.: "Copycat drives the club into Nash's throat and the
Black Cat is off the floor and back in to join the attack!
Both men are beating on Nash as the fans start throwing
trash into the ring! Somebody better break this up before
Nash gets hurt!!"
V.A.: "Here comes Jean Rabesque!!"
J.S.: "Awwww no!!"
T.R.: "Copycat and Black Cat saw him coming and they bail
out! Rabesque climbs out after them and chases them to the
locker rooms as Rob Anthony and Steve Lewiston are out to
check on Nash! Wow!! Rabesque was on fire!"
V.A.: "Rabesque is scheduled to face Golem next and this
may not be a smart strategy! he may end up getting hurt!"
T.R.: "I have word from the back that Copycat and Black Cat
escaped the wrath of Rabesque by locking themselves into
their locker room! Rabesque's reveng will have to wait!"
J.S.: "Copycat and Black Cat just want to regroup before
terrorizing the Mercs again!"
T.R.: "Rob Anthony and Steve Lewiston carry the injured
Jonathan Nash out of the ring, and this is not over by a
long shot! I hope he's OK! Let's go back up to Paul for the
announcement of the Frontier Title Match!"
PAUL KRAMER: "In our next match is for the FWF United
States Frontier Title!! First, coming to the ring, the
challenger," (CUE-UP: "God Bless the Bums" by Comeshot)
"From Death Valley, California, weighing in at 238lbs.,
GOLEM!!"
(The crowd boos loudly as the man with green body hair
comes to the ring with the usual maniacal look, scaring
some of the fans along the way)
P.K.: "And his opponent," (CUE-UP: "Shape of Things" by the
Jeff Healy Band) "From Montreal, Quebec, weighing in at
245lbs., the FWF Frontier Champion, JEAN RABESQUE!!"
(The crowd roars as Rabesque comes to the ring with the
belt over his shoulder, looking slightly winded from
chasing Black Cat and Copycat)
TONY ROSS: "Golem doesn't even let Rabesque into the ring
before attacking him! We know Golem is a wildman, so
Rabesque needs to be very careful with him!"
JAKE SHADES: "Golem will eat this chump for breakfast! I'm
tired of looking at Rabesque with that belt, and if Golem
doesn't destroy him, Copycat will!"
VICTOR ALVAREZ: "Rabesque obviously has a lot on his mind
after that last match, with his friend Jonathan Nash being
brutally attacked with a golf club! He has to defend that
title here!"
T.R.: "Golem rips and tears at the flesh of Rabesque and
now he's biting his nose! Golem is one sick individual!
Golem trips him up and now he's choking Rabesque on the
mat! The champ has a foot in the ropes and Golem won't let
off!! Referee William Bennett pulls Golem off!! Golem
almost attacks the ref!"
J.S.: "Didn't I just bring this up last match! These refs
need to keep their hands off!!"
T.R.: "Golem is in Bennett's face and Willie is not
backing down! Rabesque is up and Golem goes back to the
attack, flailing away at his midsection! Golem whips him in
and hits a big backdrop and now he drops down and gouges
Rabesque's eyes! The champ is in all kinds of trouble!"
V.A.: "It is so hard to counter the wild and unorthodox
style of Golem, this could be Rabesque's biggest test to
date! And with Copycat on his mind, his reign may end!"
J.S.: "God willing!"
T.R.: "Speaking of Copycat, here he comes but Black Cat is
nowhere to be found! I just noticed that Copycat is wearing
the exact same tights Rabesque wears! He is sending out his
message! He's not going to attack I guess as he unfolds a
chair and watches from ringside!"
V.A.: "Somebody needs to remove Copycat from ringside
before any trouble starts!"
J.S.: "Maybe he'll leave if you'll ask him nicely!"
T.R.: "Golem pulls Rabesque up and whips him in! Rabesque
ducks under a clothesline and as he hit the opposite ropes,
he sees Copycat siiting at ringside! He comes off with a
big body press!! 1-2-Noo!! Both men get up and Rabesque
ducks a Golem roundhouse and atomic drops Golem! Golem
bounces off the ropes and Rabesque backdrops him!! He calls
out to Copycat at ringside who doesn't make a move!"
VICTOR ALVAREZ: "The sight of Copycat at ringside has fired
Rabesque up big time!"
TONY ROSS: "Rabesque grabs Golem and hits a double
underhook suplex!! He grabs Golem's leg and executes as
series of step over toe holds!! My God is he wrenching on
that leg!! There it is!! The figure four!! Golem has
absolutely nowhere to go, he's right in the middle of the
ring! How long can Golem hold out!!"
V.A.: "I can't see this man quitting Tony!"
J.S.: "Nooooooo!!!!"
T.R.: "Golem is holding out, but he can't reverse it,
Rabesque has it locked so tightly and so well, Golem may
not have a choice! Golem falls back on his shoulders!!
1-2-3!! The ref counted him out while in the figure four
and Rabesque collects a stunning win!! Golem is out!"
V.A.: "And Copycat is on the apron!! Here comes trouble!"
T.R.: "Bennett is trying to get between Rabesque and
Copycat as they threaten each other! Copycat won't come in
the ring and Rabesque can't get at him! Wait!! The Black
Cat just jumped out of the crowd! He grabs the chair
Copycat was sitting on and comes in from behind and hits
Rabesque flush in the back with it!! Ohh, he really nailed
him!! Now the 'Cats are attacking Rabesque and another
Mercenary falls victim to their attack!!"
J.S.: "Yes!!! ERASE this clown!! Break him!! Break him!!"
T.R.: "They're assaulting Rabesque with the chair and here
comes Rob Anthony and Steve Lewiston!! They hit the ring
with a fury as the crowd roars and the 4 men begin pounding
on each other!! The 4 men spill out of the ring and they're
brawling down the aisle now!"
V.A.: "This has completely broken down and Jean Rabesque is
hurt badly! He has joined Jonathan Nash on Copycat's hit
list!"
T.R.: "The camera are following the 4 men to the back and
they are brawling in the locker room area and here comes
security and some of Indy's finest to break this up! But
they can't get them separated! They're tearing into each
other like wild animals!!"
V.A.: "Two matches in a row we see the Cats and the Mercs
go at it, and this is hitting the boiling point! Copycat
may or may not have proved that it wasn't him behind the
earlier attacks, but this is going to far!"
J.S.: "Oh, it's always too far with you knuckleheads! I say
these goons are getting what they deserve!"
T.R.: "Ok, the 4 men are finally broken apart, and Anthony
and Lewiston have a National Tag Team Title match later on,
so the Cats may have hurt their chances! What an impact
Copycat and Black Cat have made tonight! Wow!"
(Cameras fade back to the announcing team as they continue
conversing about the previous matches......)
VICTOR ALVAREZ: I can't believe the level of action we've
seen here tonight TONY!!
TONY ROSS: What is even more incredible is that we haven't
even started with the REALLY intense matches yet!!
JAKE SHADES: Yeah, yeah, yeah... just wake me when ma boy
PCS is up! I want to see him MURDER "Rage O Fart"!!
TONY ROSS: That's RAGE O F-I-R-E!
JAKE SHADES: Hey, all ya have to do is take a whiff of the
air when ever he comes to the arena and YOU'LL see what I
mean!!
VICTOR ALVAREZ: JAKE!!?! Jared Wells is one of the MOST
RESPECTED WRES..... (INTERRUPTED)
JAKE SHADES: (stands up .... points his rear in the
direction of Ross and Alvarez and lets loose with an
EXPLOSIVE BOMBARDMENT OF FOUL SMELLING GAS!!) That's the
ONLY thing RAGE o FART is talented at!! HAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!
(Alvarez and Ross quickly jump to their feet, holding their
noses and gasping for air as they quickly put some distance
between themselves and the still laughing Shades.....)
TONY ROSS: OWWW MAN!!! That has GOT to be worse than ANY
TEAR gas the police have got!!! JESUS!!! UUUGGHHH!! I can't
take any more of this..... THANK GOD Paul Kramer is ready
with our next contest!!!
(Cameras fade from Ross and Alvarez as they continue to keep
their distance from Shades.... the disgusted looks on their
faces continue to tell the story as Shades continues to
smile..... FADE TO Paul Kramer as he begins to bark out the
next match.....)
PAUL KRAMER: LAAAAADIIIIEEESS and GEEEEENTTLLEEEEEMEEEN!!!
Our NEXT contest will be the first of its kind in the
FWF!!! It's NIGHTGOWN MATCH pitting TWO of the most
FLAMBOYANT wrestlers in the FWF!!! Both combatants will
enter the ring wearing dresses and the winner will be the
FIRST man to rip off his opponent's nightgown and pin him
for the three count!! The pin will ONLY count AFTER you
have FIRST ripped your opponent's NIGHTGOWN off!!! FIRST...
hailing from the windy city of Chicago Illinois....
weighing 201 pounds, standing at 6'-3"...
JAKE SHADES: Is that WITH or WITHOUT heels??
TONY ROSS: Would you PLEASE stop!!!
PAUL KRAMER: He is the EVER UNPREDICTABLE BIIIIILLLYYYYY
MAAAAATTHEEEEWS!!!
(CUE UP: "Unforgiven" by Metallica as Billy Matthews steps
through the curtains of the entranceway ramp. The crowd
immediately explodes with cat calls and whistles as
Matthews finally comes into view......)
(Billy Matthews casts a look of indifference as he stands
at the foot of the ramp wearing a BLUE NIGHTGOWN with
matching eyeliner and lipstick! His shoulder length brown
hair tossed a bit as he starts to make his way down the
ramp. As he begins to enter the ring, the fans roar as
his nightgown rises enough to reveal his matching blue
tights!)
JAKE SHADES: I gotta give that FLAMING FAG credit.... he
ACTUALLY knows HOW to accessorize!
VICTOR ALVAREZ: Yeah, more so than YOU!!
JAKE SHADES: In the words of Nevada Smith... FAK YA!!
PAUL KRAMER: And her, er, I mean HIS opponent!! Hailing
from Sacramento California! Weighing in at 231 pounds and
standing at 6 feet even! He is "EXTREMELY BISEXUAL" BEAU
MIIIICHAAAAEEELS!!
(CUE UP: "I'm Too Sexy" by Right Said Fred as Beau Michaels
emerges from the curtains sporting a FLAMING RED NIGHTGOWN
as he runs his hands seductively through his short bleached
blonde hair. As he makes his way down the aisle, he
confronts a man who starts heckling him, and moving quicker
than ANYONE could have expected, Beau grabs the surprised
man by the head and plants him with a long, wet kiss! As
the man starts spitting and wiping his lips in disgust,
Beau begins to laugh and blows the man a kiss. Moments
later, he is standing in the middle of the ring taunting
Billy Matthews.....)
TONY ROSS: This should be a an all out brawl as both of
these competitors have been vying for the bragging rights
of MOST FLAMBOYANT wrestler in the FWF.
JAKE SHADES: BRAWL?? You mean more like a CAT FIGHT! Hell,
all ya need is the MUD and the FWF can pioneer GEM matches!
VICTOR ALVAREZ: GEM MATCHES?? And what exac....
(INTERRUPTED)
TONY ROSS: NO DON'T GET HIM STARTED VIC!!
JAKE SHADES: (smiling coyly) Too late ya SAP!! Gay Erotic
Matches!!
TONY ROSS: (sighs heavily) anyhow and THANKFULLY, this
match is underway! Michaels is still taunting Matthews by
blowing kisses and lifting his nightgown up some to reveal
his hairy legs. Matthews however, doesn't seem to be too
amused as he rushes headlong at Michaels!
VICTOR ALVAREZ: Michaels sidesteps and starts waving the
bottom of his flaming red nightgown like a bullfighter!
Michaels rushes in again and Michaels sidesteps again,
lifts his RED nightgown and wraps it around Matthews head
and starts to pummel him with lefts and rights!!
JAKE SHADES: HAHAHHAAH!!! LOOK AT WHAT THAT FAG IS
WEARING!?! MICHAELS IS WEARING EDIBLE UNDIES!!
TONY ROSS: How can you tell they're edible??
JAKE SHADES: C'mon Rossy, it's the EXACT same one that YOU
and Vicky wear!!
VICTOR ALVAREZ: (ignoring Shade's comments) Oh MY!! Beau
just shoved Matthews face into his crotch and is starting
to gyrate his torso!! THAT'S DISGUSTING!!
JAKE SHADES: Oh please ya know it's turning ya on Vicky!!
TONY ROSS: Michaels is laughing now as he continues to
gyrate his body in Matthews face! WAIT!! MATTHEWS LIFTS UP
MICHAELS..... SIDEWALK SLAM!!!!
VICTOR ALVAREZ: Tony look at the RAGE in Matthews face!
JAKE SHADES: That's NOT rage stupid... it's a look of
CARNAL DELIGHT!!
TONY ROSS: WOULD YOU PLEASE STOP ALREADY!?! Matthews pulls
Michaels up by his short blonde locks and ..... Michaels
with a rake of the face!!! MATTHEWS STAGGERS BACKWARDS....
he's near the ropes.... Michaels goes for a clothesline and
sends Matthews over the top rope!! BUT LOOK!! MATTHEWS
GRABS A HOLD MICHAELS NIGHTGOWN AND PULLS HIM OVER ALSO!!
VICTOR ALVAREZ: Tony they BOTH hit the concrete HARD!!
Michaels is first to get up though and grabs Matthews by
his blue nightgown and tries to rip it off him!! He has it
up to his shoulders.... it's almost off... MATTHEWS WITH A
KNEE TO THE GROIN AND MICHAELS GOES DOWN HOWLING IN PAIN!!!
JAKE SHADES: First he KISSES it, then he KICKS it?? I'll
never understand these HE/SHES, it must be an S&M thing!
TONY ROSS: Matthews quickly pulls his nightgown back down
and starts nailing Michaels with kicks to his back!! OH!!
JUST LISTEN TO THE SOUND OF THE IMPACT!!
VICTOR ALVAREZ: Now Matthews tries to relieve Michaels of
HIS nightgown!! MICHAELS TRIPS HIM UP AND MATTHEWS FALLS
BACKWARDS.... OHH MY!!! MATTHEWS HEAD JUST STRUCK THE RING
POST!!! HE'S HURT!!!
JAKE SHADES: DAMN!! He hit that ringpost so hard he left a
DENT in it!!
TONY ROSS: Michaels is still slow to get up as he manages
to get to one knee, both hands still cupping his crotch
area. He rolls into the ring to break up the count and
rolls right back out. Matthews is just now starting to move
now as Michaels makes his way to him. Things don't look
good for Matthews.
JAKE SHADES: The ONLY thing that looked good to Matthews
was those edible undies he was trying to eat!!
VICTOR ALVAREZ: Michaels can basically put Matthews away
now, but what's this??? Matthews is coming over here?!
What's he doing??
TONY ROSS: I don't know but I think we're about to find out!
TONY ROSS: Jake, he's walking straight to YOU!!
BEAU MICHAELS: (reaching over and grabbing a bottle of
water sitting on the table next to Shades) I need to borrow
this water SEXY!
JAKE SHADES: (quickly grabs the container of water) HEY!!
THIS AIN'T WATER!!! IT'S... (pauses as Ross and Alvarez
give him a curious look?) I mean, um,... er... I NEED this
water... (winks at Beau and smiles)
BEAU MICHAELS: Don't worry, I'll make it up to you just the
way YOU like it! (begins to caress Jake's hands and Jake
IMMEDIATELY releases the bottle!)
TONY ROSS: Hmmm, NOW I know just HOW you KNEW those were
edible undies!!
JAKE SHADES: MAN YOU'RE CRAZY!! Can I help it if I'm SO
attractive that I attract BOTH sexes!!
TONY ROSS: Yeah, I'm sure you tell yourself that every time
you look in the mirror after drinking that mountain spring
bottled water from the valley of SMIRNOFF mountain!
JAKE SHADES: (cursing beneath his breath as he for once is
at a loss for words)
VICTOR ALVAREZ: Matthews is back up on his feet but he
still looks a little shakey.... and Michaels just emptied
the contents of that bottle into Matthews face!! And
Matthews is jumping around clutching his eyes!!
TONY ROSS: Hmmm, I've NEVER known "water" to STING when it
gets into your eyes! Have YOU Shades??
JAKE SHADES: Hey, can I help it if his Mascara ran into his
eyes??
VICTOR ALVAREZ: Ironically enough Jake, you called that
one! Michaels is SMEARING Matthews make up and laughing!!
He's trying to humuliate him!
JAKE SHADES: Looks to me like he's doing a pretty good job
of it!
TONY ROSS: Matthews face is absolutely BLUE with his makeup
smeared!! He's still clutching at his eyes though...
Michaels tosses him unceremoniously back into the ring and
follows him in. The action is FINALLY back in the squared
circle!
VICTOR ALVAREZ: Michaels is in total control again as he
begins to drag Matthews around by his nightgown!! WOW!!
Matthews nightgown has tore right up to the neckline!!
Matthews instinctively grabs hold of the neckline to
prevent it from tearing as Michaels drags him all over the
ring!!
TONY ROSS: Michaels now pulls Matthews to his feet and
using that torn nightgown like a hangman's noose, he whips
him into the turnbuckle!!
JAKE SHADES: Ya know, I don't think I could EVER look at a
woman in nightgown again and enjoy her?
TONY ROSS: So just take the nightgown off your inflatable
doll and your problem will be solved.
JAKE SHADES: GO (BLEEP) YOURSELF!! THE TWO OF YOU!!
TONY ROSS: Michaels can taste victory now as strides
confidently over to the corner, and TEARS the Matthews
nightgown off and lets it drop to his feet!! He then climbs
up to the top rope, behind Matthews and... HE BULLDOGS
MATTHEWS HEAD INTO THE MAT!!!!
VICTOR ALVAREZ: THIS COULD BE IT!!! He covers him....
ONE.... TWO..... TH..... WHAT'S THIS??? THE REF STOPPED
COUNTING!?! Why did he stop counting??
JAKE SHADES: Maybe he forget what comes after two??
TONY ROSS: Michaels gives the ref an ANGRY and CONFUSED
look!? And the ref is pointing at Matthews feet!! THE
NIGHTGOWN IS STILL TANGLED UP IN HIS LEGS!!! Michaels gets
off Matthews and tries to pull the remainder of the
nightgown off his legs! Matthews sees this and ... OH!!
VICTOR ALVAREZ: MATTHEWS JUST KICKED MICHAELS WHERE THE
SUN DON'T SHINE SO HARD THAT HE FLEW HEAD FIRST INTO THE
TURNBUCKLE!!
JAKE SHADES: That gives a NEW meaning to GIVING HEAD!!
HAHAHAAA!!
TONY ROSS: You're a REPUGNANT little man Shades! Matthews
tears at the shreds that used to be his nightgown but
could only get one leg loose! He disregards it and rushes
over to Michaels with the remnants of his nightgown STILL
wrapped around one leg! Michaels is still dazed and takes
a swing at Matthews! Matthews ducks and nails him with a
VICIOUS uppercut!!
VICTOR ALVAREZ: He NEARLY tore his head off Tony!!
JAKE SHADES: First he GIVETH HEAD then he TAKETH HEAD!!
TONY ROSS: Matthews reaches over and in one fluid motion
TEARS Michaels nightgown entirely off his body!! He twirls
in the air a few times and tosses it into the screaming
fans!!
VICTOR ALVAREZ: LOOK OUT!! Michaels with a knee to the
spine takes Matthews down!! Both of them are winded now as
they struggle to regain their composure!
JAKE SHADES: Hey Vicky, wanna borrow my binoculars so you
can get a better look at Michaels edible undies??
TONY ROSS: Michaels pulls Matthews to his feet and sends
him to the ropes!! Leap frog by Matthews! He comes off the
ropes again and he gets a boot to the face!!!
VICTOR ALVAREZ: He sure ATE some shoe leather on that one!!
JAKE SHADES: Now THAT'S what I call having a little variety
with your meals!! First he snacked on Michaels groin, then
he ate the mat and now he's munching on some boot, that is
if he has any teeth left!!
TONY ROSS: If getting you that "special" bottled water of
yours will help keep your mouth shut, remind me to get you
a case for the next card! Michaels pulls Matthews to his
feet and sends him to the ropes... NO!! Reversal by
Matthews!! Matthews doesn't wait for Michaels!! He rushes
him as he comes off the ropes... DOUBLE LARIAT!!!! THEY'RE
BOTH DOWN!!!
VICTOR ALVAREZ: They not ONLY both down Tony... they BOTH
have their arms laying on each others chest!! They're BOTH
pinning each other!!
TONY ROSS: Neither of them are moving and the ref starts
the count.... ONE.... TWO.... THREE!!!! THIS MATCH IS
OVER!! But how will the ref call it?? They were BOTH
pinned?!? What will the decision be??
JAKE SHADES: Maybe if you STOPPED trying to build up the
suspense and shut up, we'll find out!
VICTOR ALVAREZ: The ref is discussing it with ring
announcer Paul Kramer... and it looks as if we'll have some
sort of decision now.....
PAUL KRAMER: LAAAADIIIEES and GENTLEEEEMEEEN!!! While BOTH
men have been down for the three count, only ONE man will
walk away the winner tonight and that man, having met ALL
the stipulations of this match is.... BIIILLYYY MAATTHEEWS!!
JAKE SHADES: Stipulations?? What is that idiot talking
about?
TONY ROSS: The stipulations of this match was that the
nightgown had to be torn COMPLETELY from your opponent's
body.... and if you'll take a moment to look, you'll see
that Matthews was NEVER completely stripped of HIS
nightgown... his nightgown REMAINS knotted around one of
his legs!!
VICTOR ALVAREZ: WOW! Talk about HAIRLINE victories!?
JAKE SHADES: TALK ABOUT CRAP IS MORE LIKE IT!!
TONY ROSS: Nevertheless THOSE were the stipulations and
because of it, Billy Matthews will score the win over
Michaels! Fans, we gotta break for a brief Internet Message
from Prodigy. We'll be right back......
(Cameras fade as Prodigy begins to announce the retirement
of the Prodigy Classic Boards for the year 2000......)
(Cameras fade back to the ring where Paul Kramer is
preparing to bark out the next match.....)
PAUL KRAMER: For our next match, first, hailing from
Elizabeth NJ, weighing in at 275 pounds, standing at 6'-7",
making his return to the FWF...... he's the EXTREEEEME
JOOOHNYYY GUUUUUUNNZ!!!
(CUE UP: "Something Like a Phenomenon" by LL Cool J as
Johnny Gunnz explodes from the entrance ramp and runs down
toward the ring.)
PAUL KRAMER: And his opponent, from parts unknown! Weighing
210 pounds and standing at 6'-2", he's NOOOOSTRAADAAAMUUUS!!
(CUE UP: "Closer" by NIN as the mysterious man known as
Nostradamus slowly makes his way down to the ring....)
VICTOR ALVAREZ: Tony, I thought that Johnny Gunnz was still
on suspension for testing positive on his drug screen??
TONY ROSS: This is news to me also, but rumor has it that
Codie Thompson managed to have JC pull a few legal strings
and, well, there you have it!
JAKE SHADES: What kind of league is LeBron running here??
He has a DRUG ADDICT fighting someone who practically LIVES
in the hospital after every match!! A LOSER vs another
LOSER!!
TONY ROSS: Be that as it may, this match is officially
underway as we.....
(Suddenly the lights go out and and two LOUD CLANGING
sounds are heard.... moments later the lights come on
and we see Nostradamus laying on top of Johnny Gunnz,
they are BOTH unconscious. The ref doesn't know what to
make of this so he starts the 3 count and raises the
STILL unconscious Nostradamus's arm in victory....)
VICTOR ALVAREZ: What the??? What happened?? Look!! Someone
is standing up from the crowd.... why that's....
TONY ROSS: That's NEVADA SMITH!! And look what he's got in
hand.... a METAL CHAIR and it is SEVERELY DENTED!! I
suppose he's still upset because he's not on the card!
JAKE SHADES: HAHAHAHAAA!!! That Nevada is SO COOL!!! I
can't wait to see him in a match!!
TONY ROSS: I'm sure we'll be seeing him again VERY soon!
Just look at him as he leaves laughing and dragging that
dented metal chair behind him!! This is a VERY dangerous
man! Well, we try and restore some order here, we'll going
to try and see if our "on-the-spot" interviewer, Wilson
"The PEST" Hazard can get a word with Nevada.
VICTOR ALVAREZ: Tony I just received word that Wilson
ALREADY tried that and is now laying unconscious next to
the discarded metal chair that Nevada apparently used on
Nossie and Gunnz!
TONY ROSS: Well, then I guess while the medics check on
Wison Hazard we'll get underway with our next match.
(Camera focuses in on Paul Kramer as he stares at the EMTs
carting away the unconscious bodies of Nostradamus and
Gunnz to the waiting ambulances.....)
PAUL KRAMER: Our next match is a tag team contest! First at
a combined weight of 505 pounds, hailing from Wichita, KS,
they are FALCON and SHRIKE, the BIIIRDS OF PREEEEY!!!
(CUE UP: "Millinium" by Killing Joke as Falcon and Shrike
appear accompanied by their manager Condor. The crowd
cheers as they make their way down to the ring....)
PAUL KRAMER: And there opponents! Hailing from Compton, CA!
At a combined weight of 485 pounds! They are BRIAN TAYLOR
and KIRK WILLIAMS..... THE NAAAATION OF INNOOOOVAAAATION!!!
(CUE UP: "Sad But True" by Metallica as Taylor and Williams
emerge from behind the curtains. They stand there,
apparently arguing about something until Williams suddenly
turns and makes his way to the ring alone. Taylor stands
there staring, then after a few seconds, he too makes his
way down toward the ring.)
VICTOR ALVAREZ: Tony it appears that there's a little
dissention going on in NOI.
TONY ROSS: Well, it all goes back to that Brass Knuckle
incident on the last card. It's a shame that NOI chose to
resort to those types of tactics.
JAKE SHADES: OH PLEASE!! NOI FINALLY show how a REAL tag
team should fight and you PANSIES want to SISSIFY THEM!!
TONY ROSS: Jake, it's ALWAYS a shame when a wrestler has to
resort to CHEATING to try to win, but when it's someone
with the TALENT and CAPABILITIES of NOI, it's a damn CRIME!!
It'll be the two BIG men as Falcon and Williams as they
circle each other. And look at this!?! Williams and Falcon
shake hands and TAYLOR is going absolutely BERSERK in the
corner screaming and yelling at Williams! Taylor didn't
like that ONE BIT!!
JAKE SHADES: I'm with TAYLOR!! That sportsmanship CRAP is
for LOSERS!!!
VICTOR ALVAREZ: Well, YOU should know Jake, after all, your
OWN life experience has made you sort of an EXPERT on the
subject of losers!
JAKE SHADES: That's not what your WIFE thought last night!
While I may be a LOSER to you, at least I didn't LOSE HER!!
AHAHAHAHAA!!
TONY ROSS: They finally tie it up now in a test of
strength. Williams has the edge here as he starts to force
Falcon to his knees.... AND FALCON turns it into a
FIREMAN'S CARRY!!!
VICTOR ALVAREZ: THAT WAS A GREAT MOVE TONY!!!
JAKE SHADES: HEY!!! That's EXACTLY what your wife said!!
Only she ended it with JAKE not Tony!! Hehehehee
TONY ROSS: Williams nods with respect as he quickly gets to
his feet and locks up with Falcon again.
TONY ROSS: Williams forces Falcon into the corner. And the
referee moves in to break it up. And Williams gives Falcon
a clean break!!! And GOES CRAZY AGAIN!!! He's shaking his
head in disgust!!
VICTOR ALVAREZ: NOI are definitely having problems with
their partnership!
JAKE SHADES: Not as much as YOU and YOUR wife are having
Vicky!!
TONY ROSS: Falcon suddenly moves in for the clothesline!!
Williams duck under and around him and .... ATOMIC KNEE
DROP!!!
VICTOR ALVAREZ: That really sent a chill up his spine!!
JAKE SHADES: Much like I do for your wife Vicky!!
VICTOR ALVAREZ: Listen Shades, you're REALLY beginning to
try my patience!!
JAKE SHADES: No I'm not! I'm ONLY trying your WIFE!!!
TONY ROSS: (restrains Victor just as he was about to react
to Shades. Meanwhile Jake begins to smile at Vick with a
lecherous grin) Ya know Jake, sooner or later, you are
going to end up regretting saying some of the things you
say to people, or have you forgotten those MALEC incidents!?
JAKE SHADES: What Malec incidents?? Oh you mean the time
when I put that LOUD MOUTH in his place??
TONY ROSS: Yeah, you CERTAINLY bruised his FIST with your
EYE!! Falcon trapped in a headlock now.... he tosses
Williams into the ropes.... Williams off the ropes... arm
drag ..NO!! BLOCKED by Williams!! Williams with a reversal!
NO! Falcon blocks it and connects with a knee to the
stomach!!
VICTOR ALVAREZ: And look Tony! Taylor just went over to
Shrike and SPIT on him!! And Shrike goes after him but
Taylor alerts the referee and now the referee's back is
turned as he forces Shrike back to the corner. He takes
full advantage of this and hits Falcon with a clubbing
forearm to the back of the head!!
JAKE SHADES: Now THAT'S what I call TEAM WORK!!
TONY ROSS: CHEATING is more like it!! I don't think
Williams appreciates it though! Look at him admonishing
Taylor! Taylor just smiles as Williams reluctantly tags him
in.
VICTOR ALVAREZ: Tony you're right, Williams has a look of
disgust on his face!
JAKE SHADES: He musta seen that poster of you with those
edible undies on Vicky!
TONY ROSS: Taylor pulls Falcon to his feet and sends him
right back down HARD with a clothesline!!
TONY ROSS: Falcon is in SERIOUS trouble now as Taylor
continues his onslaught with vicious kicks to the back of
his head!! I don't know how much more of this Falcon can
take! He's been in there an AWFULLY long time!!
VICTOR ALVAREZ: Condor climbs up to the ring apron and
starts distracting the ref.... and here comes SHRIKE!!!
SHRIKE NAILS TAYLOR FROM BEHIND WITH A DROPKICK THAT SENT
HIM FLYING THROUGH THE ROPES!! Now he drags Falcon
literally back to his corner and steps back through the
ropes!!
JAKE SHADES: HEY!!! THEY CAN'T DO THAT!! THAT'S CHEATING!!
VICTOR ALVAREZ: NO IT'S NOT!!! IT'S CALLED TEAM WORK!!
TONY ROSS: Taylor is up on the apron now and he's arguing
with Williams!! He want to know WHY Williams didn't
intercept Shrike. Meanwhile Falcon is groggily getting to
his knees.... Shrike is reaching out for the tag but he's
JUST out of reach... Taylor see's this and rushes over
toward Falcon.... TOO LATE!! FALCON WITH THE TAG!! He leaps
headlong over the ropes with a shoulder tackle that LEVELS
TAYLOR!!!
VICTOR ALVAREZ: JUST LISTEN TO THE CROWD TONY!! THEY'RE
GOING ABSOLUTELY NUTS!!!
JAKE SHADES: That's 'cause they ARE nuts!! Rooting for
those SISSIES!!
TONY ROSS: Shrike pulls Taylor up .... Taylor with a right
hook ... BLOCKED BY SHRIKE!! Shrike with a right hook of
his own... TAYLOR GOES DOWN AGAIN!!! SHRIKE IS ABSOLUTELY
PUMPED AND THE CROWD IS LOVING IT!!
VICTOR ALVAREZ: The tide is DEFINITELY turning now Tony!
Shrike reaches over and grabs a handful of hair and with a
clenched fist looks toward the crowd looking for their
approval....
TONY ROSS: LOW BLOW BY TAYLOR!!!
JAKE SHADES: HAAHAHAHAAAAA!! What a (BLEEP) MORON!! That's
why ALL fan favorites are LOSERS!!! AHAHAHAHAHAAA!!
TONY ROSS: Taylor still on one knee... he looks as if he's
waiting for Shrike to get up..... Shrike is slowly gets to
his feet.... Taylor reaching in his trunks.... HE PULLS OUT
A PAIR OF BRASS KNUCKLES AND NAILS SHRIKE!!! SHRIKE IS
DOWN!!!
JAKE SHADES: YEAH!!! DO IT TAYLOR!!!
VICTOR ALVAREZ: And the referee quickly runs toward
Taylor!! He may have seen something....
TONY ROSS: Taylor quickly turns and makes as if he's
stuffing the knucks back into his trunks.... the ref see's
this and DEMANDS to check him!!
JAKE SHADES: Demands to check INSIDE his trunks???
VICTOR ALVAREZ: The ref is patting him down as Taylor
raises his arms to allow the ref to check... but LOOK!!!
TAYLOR HAS THE KNUCKS IN HIS HAND AND HE TOSSES IT BEHIND
HIM AND OUT OF THE RING!!!
JAKE SHADES: I think the ref may have caught whatever
Michaels and Matthews had 'cause he looks as if he's
ENJOYING the search!
TONY ROSS: The ref can't find it so he lets the match
resume! Taylor with the cover... 1... 2.... AND WILLIAMS
BREAKS UP THE COUNT!!! HIS OWN PARTNER BREAKS UP THE COUNT!!
VICTOR ALVAREZ: WHAT IS GOING ON HERE?!?
JAKE SHADES: YEAH!! WHAT THE (BLEEP) IS GOING ON HERE??
VICTOR ALVAREZ: Williams and Taylor are argueing now! It
looks as if Williams doesn't approve of winning that way!
JAKE SHADES: What a (BLEEP) (BLEEP) SISSY!!!
VICTOR ALVAREZ: LOOK!! FALCON JUST TOSSED SHRIKE
SOMETHING?? IT'S THE BRASS KNUCKLES!!! SHRIKE HAS IT AND HE
COMES UP BEHIND TAYLOR ....
TONY ROSS: The ref is trying to restore order now by
forcing Williams back to his corner... Taylor turns...
BAM!!! SHRIKE NAILED TAYLOR WITH THE BRASS KNUCKS WHILE THE
REF WAS BUSY WITH WILLIAMS!!!
VICTOR ALVAREZ: Shrike just tossed the knucks back to
Falcon and rolls up Taylor!! ONE...
JAKE SHADES: NO!!!
VICTOR ALVAREZ: TWO....
JAKE SHADES: HELL NO!!! WAIT!!! THEY CHEATED!!!
VICTOR ALVAREZ: THREE!!!!! The Birds of Prey did it!! They
defeated NOI!!!
JAKE SHADES: OF COURSE THEY DID!!! COUNTING THAT CLOWN OF A
MANAGER AND HIS OWN PARTNER IT WAS 4 ON 1!! With a partner
like that Taylor may as well fight handicapped matches!!!
TONY ROSS: Well the Birds of Prey continue their winning
ways here by upsetting NOI. And NOI continue to have
internal problems. We'll be right back with our next match
after this important announcement from Prodigy Internet.
(Cameras fade as the screen comes alive with Prodigy
Internet Wrestling Mogul Bob Ryder.....)
(Cameras fade back to Paul Kramer as he is about to
announce the next match....)
PAUL KRAMER: Our next match is yet ANOTHER stipulation
match between ISZ and HELIX!! If Isz loses, he will be
forced to UNMASK!! If Helix loses, he will be beat down
with Singapore canes by Isz and Noble Kale!! First,
weighing 195 pounds, not much is known about this masked
man...everyone... he's IIIIIIIISZ!!!!
(CUE UP: "Rock 'n Roll N!gger" by Marilyn Manson as a lean
looking man emerges from behind the curtains. He's dressed
all in black from his mask down to his tights which sport
the words ISZ on one leg and TOO on the other in white
lettering. He receives a mixed reaction from the crowd as
he makes his way toward the ring.)
PAUL KRAMER: And his opponent, weighing 285 pounds and
standing a 6'-2", he hails from Boston MA. He's the FIRST
and FORMER FWF NATIONAL CHAMPION.... he's HEEEEEELIIIIIX!!!
(CUE UP: "Nobody's Fault" by Aerosmith as Helix emerges
wearing his trademark trenchcoat and baggy jeans. Upon his
emergence, the entrance ramp explodes with a brilliant
fireworks display which Helix walks straight through,
stopping occasional to slap a few hands as he makes his
way down to the ring.)
VICTOR ALVAREZ: There's been a lot of mystery surrounding
this match. Tonight MAY be that night that everything
unfolds!
JAKE SHADES: I know who Isz REALLY is?
TONY ROSS: (sighing heavily) I know I'll regret this later,
but if it's the ONLY way to shut you up.... Who's behind
Isz's mask?
JAKE SHADES: You guys sure are dense!! Don't you remember
that movie with Dorothy, toto, the scarecrow, tinman and
lion??
TONY ROSS: THAT'S THE WIZARD OF "OZ" NOT ISZ!!
JAKE SHADES: I know that!! What do you think, that I'm
stupid like you guys!! That's his COUSIN!!!
TONY ROSS: Why do I even bother??? Helix doesn't even wait
for the bell as he attacks Isz!! He's just pummeling him
with lefts and rights!!! A kick to the stomach has Isz bent
over howling in pain!! Helix grabs Isz by the back of the
mask!!
VICTOR ALVAREZ: I don't think Helix is planning on waiting
for the conclusion of the match?!? No wait!! He's NOT
trying to unmask him..... he's using the mask as leverage
to.... OH HE JUST TOSSED CLEAR ACROSS THE RING AND THROUGH
THE ROPES!!!
TONY ROSS: Helix is RELENTLESS!!! He follows Isz outside
and continues to beat on him!!
VICTOR ALVAREZ: Helix is simply merciless as he tosses Isz
into the guardrail! He's like a man possessed!
JAKE SHADES: That's 'cause he wants to get in a few CHEAP
shots before they CANE his (BLEEP)!!!
TONY ROSS: I can see how THAT would motivate ANYONE!! But I
think there's MUCH more going on than just the possibility
of being caned! Helix grabs Isz by the mask again and he
runs him to the ringpost!! NO!! Isz slaps on the breaks and
sends Helix into the RING POST!!!
VICTOR ALVAREZ: Tony he hit that post head on!! It's going
to take a while for him to recover from that!! That's the
break Isz needed.... he needed to slow the pace of the
match down somewhat and now he too can catch his breath.
TONY ROSS: You're right Victor.... but Isz is not
waiting.... he's right on top Helix now introducing his
head to the STEEL STEPS!!! These guys are driven on pure
hatred!! Isz finally takes the action back into the ring
now as he climbs the top rope and waits for Helix to
turn... MISSLE DROPKICK!!!!
VICTOR ALVAREZ: He landed that with such force that Helix
literally FLEW into the turnbuckle!!
JAKE SHADES: Yeah!! CANE 'EM!!!
TONY ROSS: Isz quickly rushes to the Helix as he lays
slumped in the corner and... what the?? HE'S BITING HELIX
IN THE FACE!!! THAT'S DESPICABLE!!!
JAKE SHADES: I bet if YOUR man Helix were doing it, it
would be cool right?? YOU HYPOCRITE!!!
TONY ROSS: Isz finally lets go but the damage has already
been done as the blood begins to stream down!
JAKE SHADES: Now they're BOTH wearing masks, only Helix's
is RED... BLOOD RED! HAHAHAHAHAAAA!!
VICTOR ALVAREZ: You're truly a sick individual Shades. Isz,
facing Helix climbs to the second rope and begins to open
up Helix's cut with a series of punches.... 3... 4... 5...
TONY ROSS: HELIX LIFTS ISZ UP OFF THE ROPES AND DRIVES HIM
DOWN TO THE MAT!!! THEY ARE ROLLING AROUND ON THE MAT
BEATING ON EACH OTHER!!!
VICTOR ALVAREZ: They're on their knees now.... trading
punches!! Rake of the eyes by Isz!! NO EFFECT ON HELIX AS
HE SIMPLY RESPONDS WITH AN UPPERCUT THAT MADE ISZ REACT
LIKE A WEEBLE!!
JAKE SHADES: A WEEBLE??
TONY ROSS: Isz is teetering on his knees now as Helix
begins to get his second wind! Listen to this crowd roar!!
JAKE SHADES: The hell with that... I STILL want to know
what's a WEEBLE???
VICTOR ALVAREZ: Tony someone's coming to ringside.... it's
NOBLE KALE!! He's yelling something at Helix as he
steps up to the ring apron!?!? He and Helix are arguing
now!! He had better not forget about Isz who is starting to
get to his feet.... Isz is right behind Helix.... LOOK OUT!!
TONY ROSS: ISZ RAISES HIS ARMS OVER HIS HEAD WITH A DOUBLE
FISTED SLEDGE HAMMER... BUT HELIX MOVES OUT THE WAY AND ISZ
NAILS NOBLE KALE!!! KALE FLIES OFF THE APRON!! ISZ TURNS
AND IS MET WITH A KICK TO THE BELLY!!!
VICTOR ALVAREZ: Isz is doubled over... he got the wind
knocked out of him..... HELIX WITH DOUBLE UNDERHOOK
POWERBOMB!!!
TONY ROSS: This may be it!! Helix is signalling for his
finisher... the HELIX CHOKE HOLD!! He pulls Isz to his
feet and.....
(Suddenly we begin to hear Helix's name being called over
the loud speaker!! Still holding Isz he looks around and
sees Noble Kale with a microphone.... pointing to the
jumbotron. At that moment the lights go off and the
jumbotron comes alive with a shot of a head stone that
reads.... DAVID ESTACADOS! The image then pulls back and
we see that the grave has been robbed.....)
VICTOR ALVAREZ: Look at Helix's face?!! I've NEVER seen him
like this! He's in total shock!! Who is this David
Estacados??
JAKE SHADES: Screw Estacados!!! I STILL WANT TO KNOW WHAT
THE HELL A WEEBLE IS??
VICTOR ALVAREZ: Helix is standing in the middle of the ring
in shock!!! It's as though he's seen a ghost!! He's totally
forgotten about everything else!!
TONY ROSS: Isz breaks free of Helix's hold... and HELIX IS
STILL TRANSFIXED BY THAT HEADSTONE SHOT!!! ISZ WITH A
MEXICAN ROLLUP!!!! ONE.... TWO..... THREE!!! ISZ WINS!! I
CAN'T BELIEVE IT?!? Helix is STILL looking at that head
stone shot as he gets to his knees!!? What can all this
mean??
JAKE SHADES: It can mean a CANING!!! HAHAHAHAAA!!
VICTOR ALVAREZ: And here comes Noble Kale.... He's got TWO
Singapore canes!!! He tosses one to Isz and... OH MY!!!
They're CANING HELIX!!! HELIX IS ABSOLUTELY HELPLESS!!!
JAKE SHADES: YEAH!!! CANE THAT (BLEEP)!!!!
TONY ROSS: They finally stopped!! Helix is barely moving!
Kale is asking one of the ring attendants for something...
he's asking for a mic...
NOBLE KALE: ....if all THAT wasn't enough to break you
Helix....
VICTOR ALVAREZ: Kale is smiling and looking at ISZ!!!
What's this about?? ISZ is starting to unmask....
(Isz unmasks revealing the face of a mid 20ish looking
Mexican peering down at Helix and smiling..... Helix's
eyes widen with shock and recognition just as they
start beating him again with the canes....)
VICTOR ALVAREZ: OH MY GOD!! THEY'RE GOING TO KILL HELIX IF
SOMEONE DOESN'T PUT A STOP TO THIS!!!
TONY ROSS: The crowd is beginning to react.... someone's
making their way to the ring... it's ... it's.... IT'S
WAYNE ROBERTS!!! WAYNE ROBERTS HAS RETURNED TO THE FWF AND
HE HAS A CANE ALSO!!! He slides underneath the bottom ropes
and nails Isz on the back of the head with the cane!! Kale
swings his cane but Roberts ducks and plants the end of his
cane into Kale's stomach!! (CRACK!!!) HE JUST CANED KALE
ACROSS THE BACK!!! KALE IS DOWN!!! Isz reaches underneath
the ropes and pulls Kale out of the ring and they head back
to the lockerroom!!
JAKE SHADES: THAT WAS SO UNDERHANDED BY ROBERTS!! I'D LIKE
TO SEE HIM TRY THAT WITHOUT SNEAKING UP ON THEM!!!
VICTOR ALVAREZ: Tony.... Helix isn't moving!! Roberts is
yelling for the EMTs to come down!! Oh my.... I think Helix
is SERIOUSLY injured!! OH MY GOD!!! LOOK AT THE WELTS AND
BLOOD ON HIS BODY!!!
TONY ROSS: This certainly looks grave for Helix! Roberts
help load Helix on the gurney and accompanies the EMTs out
of the building!! We'll try and get an update on Helix's
condition before the night is over fans! (shaking his head)
This is absolutely tragic!! I know the only question on the
minds of everyone is Helix's condition!
JAKE SHADES: Not true Tony.... There's still another
question lingering about.
VICTOR ALVAREZ: You mean WHO exactly this ISZ fella is to
Helix??
JAKE SHADES: NO!!! WHAT THE HELL IS A WEEBLE?!?!?
TONY ROSS: Just when I think you couldn't POSSIBLY stoop
any lower, you DO! Fans, we'll be right back with the next
match, and hopefully with an update on Helix's condition
after a word from our sponsor.
(Cameras fade as a promo for Nissan's new "FRONTIER" pick up
truck airs.......)
(Cameras fade back to Paul Kramer as he begins his
bark.....)
PAUL KRAMER: Our next match is for the FWF NATIONAL TAG
TEAM TITLES!! First introducing the challengers! At a
combined weight of 524 pounds! They are FORMER AFWC
American Tag Team Champions!! They are STEVE LEWISTON and
ROB ANTHONY...the MEEEEECEEEENAAAARIIIIIIEEES!!!!
(CUE UP: "Shapes of Things" by The Jeff Healy Band as
Lewiston and Anthony emerge on the entranceway ramp. They
are greeted with mixed reactions, but mostly boos as they
make their way down to the ring.)
PAUL KRAMER: And their opponents... at a combined weight of
ONLY 383 pounds.... they are regarded as one of the most
PHENOMENAL tag teams to date.... they are SAGE and DARREN
MCMILLAN.... they are the FWF NATIONAL TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS,
they are SEEK AND DEEEEESTROOOOY!!!!
(CUE UP: "More Human Than Human" by White Zombie as Sage
and McMillan emerge on the entranceway ramp with FWF
National Tag Titles displayed proudly around their waists!
The arena goes ERUPTS with cheers as they show their
support for them while they race down the aisle and to
the ring.)
TONY ROSS: Talk about INTENSE beginnings!! ALL FOUR
WRESTLERS ARE GOING AT IT RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE OF THE RING!!
SEEK AND DESTROY HAVEN'T EVEN DISCARDED THEIR TITLES AS
CONTINUE TO TRADE BLOWS WITH THE MERCENARIES!! Sage is
going head to head with Lewiston while McMillan and Anthony
go at it!!
VICTOR ALVAREZ: Neither of them are holding back... HOW
LONG CAN THEY KEEP THIS UP?!?!
JAKE SHADES: Until they can't.... IDIOT!
TONY ROSS: Sage is starting to stagger Lewiston with his
speed and agility but McMillan isn't faring too well
against Anthony as Anthony has literally beat him down to
his knees!!
VICTOR ALVAREZ: It stands to reason.... McMillan doesn't
possess the speed of Sage and it was only a matter of time
before that nearly NINETY POUND weight difference became a
factor!!
TONY ROSS: WOW!! WOULD YOU LOOK AT SAGE MOVE?!?!? I HAVE
NEVER SEEN ANYONE MOVE SO FAST IN MY LIFE!?! LEWISTON is
overwhelmed and all he can do is try to cover up!! Lewiston
is backing away and ... SAGE FORCES HIM THROUGH THE ROPES
AND OUT OF THE RING!!
JAKE SHADES: He wasn't forced... he WANTED to leave the
ring because he doesn't like beating up on LITTLE KIDS!!
TONY ROSS: Sage rushes to McMillan's aid and chases Anthony
out of the ring!! Sage helps McMilland to his feet and they
take the titles from their waists and display it high in
the air as Anthony and Lewiston look on outside the ring!
VICTOR ALVAREZ: THE FANS ARE SIMPLY LOVING IT!! LISTEN TO
THEM!!!
JAKE SHADES: There's no accounting for taste......
TONY ROSS: Well, it looks as if the ref has finally managed
to restore order here as McMillan starts it off for SaD and
Lewiston for the Mercs. They tie up.... RUSSSIAN LEG SWEEP
by Lewiston takes McMillan down!
VICTOR ALVAREZ: McMillan right back to his feet however....
arm drag take down by McMillan sends Lewiston to the mat!!
Lewiston back up to his feet now!! Lewiston is calling for
a test of strength now......
TONY ROSS: This may be a mistake for McMillan as he reaches
out to lock up..... KNEE TO THE STOMACH BY LEWISTON DOUBLES
McMILLAN OVER!! That's where the experience comes in,
McMillan for as good as he is, is still regarded as a
rookie to the sport of wrestling.
JAKE SHADES: Why don't you just tell it like it is...
MCMILLAN SUCKS!!!
VICTOR ALVAREZ: SUCKS?? You're talking about 1/2 of the FWF
TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS!
JAKE SHADES: And that's ONLY because of that little slant
eyed partner of his!
VICTOR ALVAREZ: So you at least acknowledge Sage's
capabilities??
JAKE SHADES: I acknowleged NOTHING!! Sage SUCKS also!!
McMillan just SUCKS MORE!!!
TONY ROSS: Lewiston is starting to beat on McMillan's back
like drum! McMillan down to his knees!! Lewiston pulls him
back up to his feet by the hair and is setting him up for a
piledriver.... McMILLAN BLOCKS IT AND BACK BODY DROPS
LEWISTON!! McMillan is still favoring his back however as
Lewiston comes up behind him and plants a back suplex!!!
VICTOR ALVAREZ: McMillan wincng in pain now as he struggles
to a sitting position. Lewiston tags in Anthony and the big
man takes over!
TONY ROSS: Anthony wastes absolutely no time as he pulls
Lewiston to his feet and whips him into the ropes....
POWERSLAM BY ANTHONY!!!
VICTOR ALVAREZ: Tony the impact of that slam literally
shook the rafters!!
JAKE SHADES: Would you stop exaggerating!! I didn't feel
anything!!
VICTOR ALVAREZ: That's a figure of speech Jake.
JAKE SHADES: Oh, you mean like.... GO (BLEEP) YERSELF??
TONY ROSS: Anthony with the cover... ONE.... TWO...
TONY ROSS: NO!!! McMILLAN KICKS OUT!!
VICTOR ALVAREZ: WHERE IN THE WORLD DID HE FIND THE ENERGY
TO KICK OUT!?!
JAKE SHADES: I think he FARTED his way out!! Ya know how
EXPLOSIVE those can be don't ya? HEH HEHEEHEHEHEEE.....
VICTOR ALVAREZ: (giving Shades a disgusted look) Yes, we
CERTAINLY do!
TONY ROSS: Anthony pulls McMillan up to his feet and ....
SMALL PACKAGE BY MCMILLAN!! ONE... NO!!! Anthony kicked
out!! That's just too much beef for McMillan to hold for a
3 count! Anthony quickly to his feet and he misses with a
left hook!! ATOMIC DROP by McMillan!! I think McMillan
hurt his back with that move!!! He's struggling to make the
take.... NO!! Anthony reached him first! Anthony sends
flying into the turnbuckle and follows it up with splash...
McMillan DUCKS and Anthony crashes into the turnbuckle!!
VICTOR ALVAREZ: McMillan... on his hands and knees now
races to the make the tag ... he's almost there... NO!
Anthony has him by the ankle!! He's just INCHES from making
the tag.... MCMILLAN WITH A DESPERATION KICK TO THE FACE!!
ANTHONY STILL HANGS ON!! AND ANOTHER.... AND ANOTHER... AND
ANTHONY FINALLY LET'S GO AND IN COMES SAGE!!!
TONY ROSS: The crowd is going wild now as Sage explodes on
the MUCH larger Anthony!
VICTOR ALVAREZ: Sage is NO stranger to fighting monsters...
at Total Conquest in Chicago he defeated Reign Chancellor,
a man who makes Rob Anthony look small!!
TONY ROSS: Anthony is trying to fend off the quick
multiple blows by Sage.... round house right by Anthony
misses.... Sage with a kick to the knee.... Anthony swings
again.. ANOTHER MISS and Sage kicks the OTHER KNEE!!
VICTOR ALVAREZ: Sage is a MASTER of the hit and run
strategy! It's no wonder he led his team to the Tag Team
Titles!
JAKE SHADES: That's 'cause he's a CHICKEN (BLEEP)!! He
won't STAND and FIGHT like a REAL MAN!!!
TONY ROSS: Anthony looks a little wobbly on his knees now...
JAKE SHADES: THAT'S IT!!! I FINALLY KNOW WHAT A WEEBLE IS!!
I Remember that toy... "Weebles Wobble but they don't fall
down!!" The Weeble ARENA was my favorite!
VICTOR ALVAREZ: That's MARINA... WEEBLE MARINA YOU DOLT!!
JAKE SHADES: Hey I'm NOT the one arguing about kiddie
toys... YOU are.... you (BLEEP)!!
TONY ROSS: (sighing heavily as he looks at Shades and
shakes his head) Sage is landing kicks to the chest and
back like a triphammer!!! SPINNING HEEL KICK FINALLY TAKES
THE BIG MAN DOWN!!
TONY ROSS: The crowd is going berserk as Sage climbs to the
top rope and..... SOMERSAULT LEG DROP FINDS ITS MARK!!
Anthony struggles to his feet... he's unsteady though as he
tries to balance himself on one knee.... Sage off the
ropes.... ROLLING SPLASH TAKES THE BIG MAN DOWN AGAIN!!
VICTOR ALVAREZ: Anthony hasn't even had a chance to catch
his breath let alone mount ANY type of offensive on Sage!
JAKE SHADES: That's 'cause the little greasy chink is a
COWARD!!
VICTOR ALVAREZ: You call it what you want... and I'll call
it what IT IS... SMART!!!
TONY ROSS: Anthony back up on his feet.... Sage leaps...
FLYING HEAD SCISSORS... NO!! ANTHONY SAW IT COMING AND
CAUGHT HIM.... BUT LOOK AT SAGE RAISE HIMSELF UP AND START
PUMMELING ANTHONY WITH PUNCHES TO THE HEAD!!
VICTOR ALVAREZ: Anthony is starting to stagger a bit...
AND THEY BOTH GO OVER THE TOP ROPE!!!! They're STILL going
at it out there!! And here comes Lewiston!!! Lewiston traps
Sage in a full nelson and is yelling at Anthony to strike!!
TONY ROSS: LOOK OUT!!! McMILLAN WITH A FLYING CLOTHESLINE
OFF THE TOP ROPE!! HE JUST TOOK OUT ROB ANTHONY!!! SAGE
GRABS A HOLD OF LEWISTON'S HEAD AND DROPS DOWN!!... OWWW!!!
JAW BREAKER!!!
VICTOR ALVAREZ: These guys are TOTALLY oblivious of the
ref's count!! Anthony just dropped McMillan on the
guardrail on his neck!!! McMillan is floundering like a
fish out of water trying to catch his breath!! The ref is
already at a count of 15!! This match may end in a double
DQ unless either Sage or Anthony breaks the count... ONE of
them better make it back to the ring and soon!!!
VICTOR ALVAREZ: Sage climbs up on top of the ringpost....
he's setting up for his finisher.... THE FALCON.... He
leaps... NO!!! WATCHOUT!! Lewiston steps in to make the
save on his partner as he climbs up on the apron and sweeps
Sage's legs out from underneath him JUST as he was getting
ready to leap!!!
TONY ROSS: SAGE LANDS ON THE TOP ROPE... BOUNCES OFF AND
LANDS IN THE MIDDLE OF THE RING... FLUSH ON THE BASE OF HIS
NECK!!!
VICTOR ALVAREZ: I think Sage is hurt!! He's on his side now
holding his neck.... and Lewiston suddenly realizes that
the ref is still counting and is yelling at Anthony to get
back into the ring......!!!
JAKE SHADES: C'mon ANTHONY!!! Go get that little slant eyed
TWERP and TAKE HIS TITLE!!!
TONY ROSS: Anthony, who was about to Piledrive the semi
conscious McMillan on the pavement, realizes what's going
on and drops McMillan to the ground and races toward the
ring....!!
VICTOR ALVAREZ: The ref is at 18.... and Anthony is almost
TONY ROSS: ....19.... Anthony leaps.... 20!! ANTHONY FALLS
SHORT OF THE RING ROPES!!! HE DROPPED LIKE STONE!!! LOOK!!
McMILLAN HAS ANTHONY BY THE ANKLES!!! THE REFEREE IS
CALLING FOR THE BELL!! Seek and Destroy will retain their
titles via the COUNT OUT victory over the Mercenaries....
but they PAID the price for it!! McMillan is STILL lying
on the pavement outside, trying to regain his breath, while
Sage is still laying on his side holding his neck!!
VICTOR ALVAREZ: ONE SECOND TONY!! ONE MORE SECOND AND WE
MAY JUST HAVE SEEN NEW TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS!!! If Anthony
makes it into the ring.... considering the obvious injury
to Sage, there's no doubt in my mind that the titles would
have changed hands tonight!
JAKE SHADES: THE MERCENARIES WERE ROBBED!! THAT WAS A FAST
COUNT!!
TONY ROSS: It looks as if we're going to see the EMTs
again. They're kneeling down by Sage now....
VICTOR ALVAREZ: Tony look... Anthony just helped McMillan
to his feet and they all enter the ring to check on Sage!
TONY ROSS: This is what makes this the great sport that it
is Victor!! You go all out to get the win, but when the
match is over, so is the competition! Anthony and Lewiston
look just as concerned as McMillan....
VICTOR ALVAREZ: There for the grace of god go I Tony....
JAKE SHADES: OH PLEASE!! You guys make me sick!! If ya
can't take it, then ya shouldn't be in it!!
TONY ROSS: They got a neck brace on Sage now and there
calling for the stretcher. The EMTs are certainly earning
their pay tonight! The crowd gives all four wrestlers a
standing ovation as the Mercs and McMillan escort the EMTs
and Sage to the ambulance.
VICTOR ALVAREZ: Tony, I'm getting an update on Helix's
condition.... THIS IS STRANGE!! I'm getting a report that
Helix has.... DISAPPEARED from the hospital!?! They
apparently stabilized his condition, he even regained
consciousness at one point.... and now he's gone!!
TONY ROSS: With the seriousness of his injuries I'm sure
they didn't discharge him, let alone allow him to leave?!
VICTOR ALVAREZ: No Tony... you don't understand... he
simply just VANISHED!! There one minute... GONE THE NEXT!!
The hospital staff is searching for him as we speak!!
JAKE SHADES: GOOD!! If I ever see him again it'll be TOO
SOON!!
TONY ROSS: This is... to put it mildly... ABSOLUTELY
UNBELIEVABLE!! What has happened to Helix?? Is he alright?
Will we ever see him again??
VICTOR ALVAREZ: And what about Sage?? How serious are his
injuries? Are they career threatening?
JAKE SHADES: When it comes down to it..... WHO REALLY
CARES?!?
TONY ROSS: Obviously YOU don't but then again, you ONLY
care about JAKE SHADES! Fans, we're going to try and get
some answers for you before the night is up. Right now,
we'll have to break for a commercial but when we return,
we'll be back with our MAIN EVENT of the evening!
(Cameras fade on the trio as Shades puts his hands over his
ears as Ross and Alvarez start yelling at him. Fade to a
PROMO for WWWA ACCELERATION.....)
(Cameras fade back to Paul Kramer as the lights dim
down and he raises the mic to his lips and begins
his bark......)
PAUL KRAMER: LAAAAADIIIIESS AND GEEEEENTLEEEMEEEN!!! THIS
IS THE MATCH YOU'VE ALL BEEN WAITING FOR!! THE WAR TO FOR
THE FWF NATIONAL TITLE!!!! FIRST!! THE CHALLENGER!! Hailing
from Miami Florida!! Weighing 243 pounds and standing at
6'-3"!! He's a FORMER 3 TIME WWL WORLD CHAMPION, A FORMER
WWL TV CHAMPION, A FORMER WWL TRI AM CHAMPION, AND HOLDER
OF OVER A DOZEN OTHER TITLES.... HE'S THE "RAGE o' FIRE"
JAAAAAREEED WEEEEEEELLS!!!
(CUE UP: "Ghost of Tom Joad" by Rage Against the Machine as
Jared Wells appears at the foot of the ramp! The fans go
absolutely wild as they cheer Jared Wells!! Jared Wells,
with a look of absolute determination on his face, strides
toward the ring....)
PAUL KRAMER: And his opponent.... weighing 255 pounds,
standing at 6'-5" and hailing from Los Angeles CA!!! He is,
accompanied by his manager, the Lost Hanson, the FWF
NATIONAL CHAMPION..... here's POP CULTURE SUUUUUPER
HEEEEROOOOO!!!!
(CUE UP: "Sell Out" by Reel Big Fish as The Lost Hanson
emerges first and holds the curtain aside for PCS!! As PCS
steps out into the spotlight.... the fans explode with
a mixture of boos and a few chants of 'PCS'!! PCS and the
Lost Hanson look at each other, exchange a few words, and
then they both begin to laugh. PCS then hands The Lost
Hanson the FWF National Title and they proceed down the
ramp....)
VICTOR ALVAREZ: Would you look at PCS tights?! He reminds
me of one of those Nascars with all the sponsor stickers
pasted all over it!!
JAKE SHADES: That was MY idea!! He's got the CHARISMA, so
may as well make MONEY off it!!
TONY ROSS: He's ALWAYS had charisma so I sincerely DOUBT
that YOU had ANYTHING to do with it! There's the bell and
this match is officially under way!!
VICTOR ALVAREZ: This is one of the few times that I could
recall where it is a youth vs experience matchup and the
title is being defended by the youth!
JAKE SHADES: SHUT UP FOOL!!! I WANT TO SEE MA BOY PCS!!
VICTOR ALVAREZ: What does my talking have to do with your
seeing?
JAKE SHADES: 'Cause yer ALWAYS annoying the hell out of me
by talking CRAP that NO ONE is interested in hearing... SO
SHUT YER TRAP!! KICK HIS (BLEEP) PCS!!!
TONY ROSS: PCS looks like he's starting this match off with
a bit of trash talking as he's ALL in Wells face!! Wells
isn't backing down though as they stand nose to nose jawing
at each other!!
TONY ROSS: PCS backs off and starts turning away.... NO!!
PCS SUDDENLY RUSHES WELLS!!! BUT WELLS WAS WAITING FOR
HIM!!! WELLS WITH AN ARM DRAG TAKE DOWN!!
VICTOR ALVAREZ: There's the experience factor that we were
talking about!
JAKE SHADES: (Yawning LOUDLY)
TONY ROSS: PCS rushes in again..... Wells with another arm
drag... NO!! PCS blocks it and goes for an arm drag
himself... AND WELLS WITH THE BLOCK.... HIP TOSS BY WELLS
SENDS PCS TO THE MAT!!!
VICTOR ALVAREZ: PCS scrambles to his feet and backs away! I
think he's seeing first hand WHY Wells was a MULTIPLE World
Champiion!!
JAKE SHADES: Yeah right.... he's just following MY game
plan!!
TONY ROSS: PCS goes over to the corner to get talk over
some strategy with manager the Lost Hanson.... OHHH!!!
WELLS JUST TOOK ADVANTAGE OF THIS AND KICKED PCS IN THE
REAR SENDING RIGHT THROUGH THE ROPES AND ON TOP OF THE LOST
HANSON!!!
VICTOR ALVAREZ: Was THAT part of your plan Jake?
JAKE SHADES: Sure was, we're lulling the old FART into a
false sense of security!!
TONY ROSS: PCS and the Lost Hanson get to their feet and
put some distance between themselves and the ring as they
begin yelling obscenities at Wells. Wells is ALL business
as he steps halfway through the ropes and invites PCS back
into the ring!
VICTOR ALVAREZ: UUGGHH!! PCS JUST GRABBED REFRESHMENT FROM
A NEARBY FAN AND TOSSED INTO WELLS FACE!!
TONY ROSS: Wells is infuriated now as he jumps down to the
pavement and begins to chase PCS around the ring!! Look at
PCS run!! He wants no part of Wells!! PCS slides underneath
the ropes and is now taunting Wells to enter the ring!!
Wells rushes forward and SLIPS on the spilt refreshment
that PCS had thrown at him!!
VICTOR ALVAREZ: The Lost Hanson is putting the boot to
Wells now and PCS is pointing and laughing!! AND LOOK
TONY!! THE LOST HANSON GOES DOWN!!! HE DISAPPEARED BEHIND
THE RING APRON!!
TONY ROSS: PCS has stopped laughing and has a confused look
on his face now as he walks over and peers over the top
rope ..... WELLS JUMPS UP AND SNAPS PCS's NECK OFF THE TOP
ROPE!!! PCS GOES FLYING BACKWARD AND HIT THE MAT!!!
JAKE SHADES: WHAT THE HELL IS THE REF DOING!?!? THAT'S
ILLEGAL! HE CAN'T DO THAT!!
VICTOR ALVAREZ: Wells climbs up to the apron .... LEG DROP
OFF THE TOP ROPE!!!
TONY ROSS: Wells lands right on PCS throat!! And PCS is in
trouble now as he clutches his throat in pain!!! Wells is
taking command of this match now as he traps PCS in a
reverse chin lock!
VICTOR ALVAREZ: I don't know how.... but PCS has found some
sort of reserve and has managed to get to his feet ... and
he rakes the eyes of Wells!! Wells is blinded but he
REFUSES to let go!!
TONY ROSS: PCS drives Wells back... and he SLAMS Wells into
the turnbuckle... and Wells finally releases the hold!! PCS
takes a brief moment to catch his breath and he jumps on
Wells and MONKEY FLIPS him to the center of the ring!!
JAKE SHADES: YEAH!!! THAT'S MA BOY!!!
TONY ROSS: Wells right back to his feet though... PCS with
a SUPERKICK sends Wells right back down!! PCS pulls Wells
up .... he's setting him up for a DDT.... WELLS BLOCKS IT!!
A KNEE TO THE STOMACH.... SPINNING NECK BREAKER!!! AND
THEY'RE BOTH DOWN!!!
VICTOR ALVAREZ: The Lost Hanson is pounding the mat ...
trying to urge PCS on..... they're both slow to get to
their feet ..... Wells is up first.... he reaches for
PCS.... he sends PCS to the ropes... PCS with a FLYING BODY
PRESS!!! HE'S GOT WELLS PINNED!! NO! Wells let the momentum
carry them and now WELLS has PCS pinned.... ONE... TWO...
THR... NO!! PCS kicked out JUST as the ref was going for
the third count!!
TONY ROSS: PCS may be a bit brash but there's NO denying
how tough he is! Wells pulls PCS to his feet... PCS with a
blow to the stomach! And another! And ANOTHER!!! WELLS
THUMBS PCS IN THE EYES!!! PCS IS THRASHING ABOUT ON THE MAT
IN OBVIOUS PAIN!!!
JAKE SHADES: Figures Rage o' Fart would resort to DIRTY
TACTICS!!! These SO-CALLED FAN FAVORITES always do!!
TONY ROSS: The Lost Hanson has jumped up on the ring Apron
now... and yelling at Wells!! Wells grabs The Lost Hanson
and he flings him bodily into the ring!!!
VICTOR ALVAREZ: OH!! One of Hanson's legs just struck the
referee in the face as he went tumbling to the mat! THE
REFEREE IS DOWN!! The Lost Hanson is Down.... PCS is down!
And Rage o' Fire stand in the middle of the ring.... and
HE'S ON FIRE!!!!
JAKE SHADES: Fart man knocked the referee out on PURPOSE!!!
TONY ROSS: Wells goes over to PCS who is still down and
forces him to his feet by his hair!! He's got PCS up...
he's going to... POWERBOMB!!! That's the set up for his
finisher, the Rage Bomb!! Wells sets PCS up on the top
turnbuckle..... HE'S GOING FOR IT!!! WELLS IS GOING FOR THE
RAGE-BOMB.... HE'S GOT IT LOCKED ON..... HE HIT IT!!! JARED
WELLS EXECUTED HIS FINISHER TO PERFECTION!!!
VICTOR ALVAREZ: Wells with the cover.... BUT THERE'S NO
REFEREE!!! THE REFEREE IS STILL OUT!!!
JAKE SHADES: Serves him right! Wells plan of taking out the
ref back fired on him!!
TONY ROSS: Wells still covering PCS... that would of been
at least a count of 5 already!! Wells finally gets up and
goes over to the ref.... he's trying to revive the ref....
and LOOK OUT!! The Lost Hanson with a LOW BLOW!!! Wells in
all the excitement forgot about The Lost Hanson!! NOW WELLS
IS DOWN... the ref is STILL down along with PCS and The
Lost Hanson is the ONLY one standing!
VICTOR ALVAREZ: Tony... the fans are starting to react...
someone's coming down the aisle.... it's BILLY MATTHEWS!!!
BILLY MATTHEWS HAS JUST ENTERED THE RING AND HE'S CARRYING
A CHAIR!!!
TONY ROSS: He's talking to The Lost Hanson and pointing to
Wells.... this doesn't look good for Wells.... Matthews is
telling Hanson to lift Wells up and hold him.... Hanson has
Wells up... Wells is helpless as Hanson holds him for
Matthews.... MATTHEWS SWINGS THE CHAIR OVERHEAD .... AND HE
NAILS THE LOST HANSON!!! The Lost Hanson trips over the
referee's body and falls through the ropes onto the
pavement!!
VICTOR ALVAREZ: Wells is just now starting to come to and
he and Matthews stare at each other... Matthews looks at
PCS who is starting to come around and nods to Wells... and
leaves the ring!! Wells looks at him and gives him the
thumb's up sign as he makes his way back to the dressing
room!! LISTEN TO THESE FANS!!! They can taste a NEW
NATIONAL CHAMPION BEING CROWNED TONIGHT!!!
JAKE SHADES: I PROTEST!!! MATTHEWS INTERFERRED!!!
VICTOR ALVAREZ: And what do you call what the Lost Hanson
did??
JAKE SHADES: That's PCS's manager... He's ALLOWED TO!!!
TONY ROSS: (giving Shades an incredulous look) Wells takes
a look at PCS who is up on his feet now and sends him back
down with a clotheline!! Wells quickly goes and helps the
ref to his feet... He's not about to make the same mistake
again!! Now he moves in on PCS.... PCS looks to be in a bad
way as flings him into the turnbuckle HARD!! PCS just lays
there slumped!!
VICTOR ALVAREZ: Wells is calling for the RAGE BOMB again!!
And listen to the fans respond again!!
JAKE SHADES: WHAT THE HELL DO THEY KNOW!! SHUT THE (BLEEP)
UP!!
TONY ROSS: This may be it!! Wells sets PCS on the
turnbuckle again..... He's stepping up.... setting up for
the RAGE BOMB AGAIN.... HE'S GOT IT LOCKED IN!!!
JAKE SHADES: NOOOO!!!!!!!
TONY ROSS: WHAT THE?? AND PCS FALLS ON TOP OF WELLS!?!
VICTOR ALVAREZ: I think Wells may have lost his footing
Tony!!
TONY ROSS: I don't know about that!?! The ref with the
cover... ONE...
VICTOR ALVAREZ: IT WAS THE LOST HANSON!!! THE LOST HANSON
HAD REACHED UP AND PUSHED PCS OFF THE TURNBUCKLE BEFORE
WELLS COULD PUSH OFF!! AND THE REF DIDN'T SEE IT!!
TONY ROSS: TWO....
JAKE SHADES: C'mon baby.... do it!!
TONY ROSS: THREE!!! PCS RETAINS THE NATIONAL TITLE!!!
JAKE SHADES: YEAH!!! MA MAN!!!
VICTOR ALVAREZ: Your man got some help from The Lost Hanson
Jake.....
JAKE SHADES: HEY!! Ya know my motto.... WHAT EVER IT TAKES!!
TONY ROSS: Ya have to wonder what would have happened if
Wells lands that RAGE BOMB.... the first time he did it PCS
was out for the count of five, unfortunately for Wells
there was no ref to make the count.
VICTOR ALVAREZ: Tony.... there's some commotion in the
aisle.... there's a bunch of guys running down the aisle....
OH UH!!! This could only be trouble... LOOK!! It's CODIE
THOMPSON! He's leading JOHNNY GUNNZ, CACTUS LAATSCH, and
XAVIER OSBOURNE!! XAVIER OSBOURNE HAS RETURNED TO THE FWF!!
And who's that???
TONY ROSS: That's LEGION FROM THE RECENTLY CLOSED AHWA!!
LEGION IS HERE IN THE FWF AND LOOK WHO'S BRINGING UP THE
REAR?!!?
JAKE SHADES: MY MAN JC!!!
VICTOR ALVAREZ: And... could that be?? Yes... that's MWF
PRESIDENT MICHAEL MOTTA!! AND LOOK TONY... THEY'RE ALL
DRESSED IN THE BLACK!! BLACK JEANS, BLACK T-SHIRTS, BLACK
LEATHER JACKETS!! AND WHAT'S THAT SAY ON THEIR T-SHIRTS??
JAKE SHADES: It says... the CRUD!!
TONY ROSS: That's the C-R-U-E!! THE CRUE in carolina blue
letters!! PCS has justgotten to his feet and is met by an
XAVIER BOOT TO THE FACE!! Gunnz and Laatsch are pummelling
Jared Wells with kicks and punches!! The Lost Hanson is
backing away from JC and Mike Motta and bumps right into
Legion!! Legion picks up the Lost Hanson and throws him 3
rows deep into the fans!!
VICTOR ALVAREZ: Wells is tied up in the ropes while Xavier
continues lay the boot leather into him!! PCS is laying
upside down and unconscious with his legs locked underneath
the turnbuckle!!
JAKE SHADES: HEY!! LEAVE PCS ALONE!!!
TONY ROSS: If you're so concerned about PCS, why don't you
go and help him??
JAKE SHADES: It's not in my contract... sorry....
VICTOR ALVAREZ: Tony.... Thompson just grabbed the mic...
CODIE THOMPSON: ....ya know, I have what it takes... and
THAT'S the scary part!! Look at what I have surrounded
myself with?! A group of men who are out to ruin LeBron,
Malec and McCann and KILL THE FWF!! And there is NOTHING
anyone can do about it!!!
TONY ROSS: Someone's gotta stop this maniac.... he's
choking Wells while Xavier continues to kick him!!
JAKE SHADES: WHO CARES!! SO LONG AS THEY LEAVE PCS ALONE!!
HE'S MY BREAD AND BUTTER!!
(At that moment BALLOONS start to fall from the rafters...
HUNDREDS of them!! ALL BLACK and CAROLINA BLUE!!)
CODIE THOMPSON: ....We're here TO STAY!! We got the MONEY,
the MEN and BRAINS to rule this federation!! So LeBron, ya
better get ready 'cause THE CRUE has arrived and is here to
take control!!
(JC and Mike Motta begin to converse with Codie Thompson
while pointing at the broadcast booth....)
CODIE THOMPSON: Tonight we just took CONTROL of your
so-called main eventers and NOW we're going to take control
of the BROADCAST BOOTH!!
(At that moment the entire Crue.... Thompson, Gunnz,
Osbourne, Laatsch and Legion race toward the broadcast
booth while JC and Motta stand in the middle of the ring
with nothing but smiles on their faces....)
VICTOR ALVAREZ: Tony their heading straight for us!!
TONY ROSS: Well I'm not about to stick around and see what
they want... fans join us next week when the FWF invades
the Mid-South Arena in Mem....
(Ross and Alvarez fall heavily to the floor as a FRANTIC
Jake Shades KNOCKS THEM OUT OF THEIR CHAIRS in his haste
to escape the CRUE!! As the Crue reach the broadcast booth
our cameras catch a fleeting glimpse of Codie Thompson
with the CRUE as they tear down a FWF banner and replace
it with an MWF banner.... Fade out on the FWF banner as it
lies torn and ripped at the feet of The Crue! Then
everything suddenly goes to static as the transmission is
LOST!!)