(Fade-In: Joe Lebron, Scott Malec, and Lord Dread are all
seated at a round shaped table in a conference room
somewhere in the Gund Arena in Cleveland, Ohio. The roar of
fans can be heard in the distance as the three FWF
executives speak, flanked by FWF security and Cleveland
police)
SCOTT MALEC: Dread, you know that Joe and I have put our
full trust in you, and even though we've had problems in
the past, I know this partnership will work. JC is a
dangerous man, and with you on our side, we will be able to
understand him better and deal with him.
LORD DREAD: You have my word, Scott. No one on this earth
knows JC better than myself. Time and again, he has
violated the sanctity of Pandora Island, and he has done
the same here in America and in Japan. I will tolerate it
no longer. I do feel that giving him a manager's license
will only add fuel to the fire.
JOE LEBRON: Don't worry about it, Dread. We've dealt with
him before and we'll do it again. We only did this so we
can keep better track of his activities. As long as his
rear end is on TV and in the spotlight, we can control
him.
S.M.: That's right. I told him he can bring in whoever he
wants, although he is hinting at two guys that I did not
expect coming here.
J.L.: You know he's bluffing.
L.D.: It does not matter, whoever JC brings in will be
dangerous, whether its Flatliner, Nemesis Enforcer, Konn,
or even my old charges Havoc and Kaos.
S.M.: Well, time will tell. OK, guys, we got a show to run,
let's go.
(All three men get up and walk to the skybox area where
they will view tonight's event. Flanked by security, they
are fully confident with the whole situation)
CUT-TO: The inside of the Gund Arena. The crowd erupts on
cue. CUE-UP: "Salvation" by Fear Factory. The camera swings
around the crowd to the frenzied music showing fans in
various states of hysteria. The camera focuses on the ring
as a laser show commences on the mat. The camera then pans
over and focuses on the three announcers at ringside)
TONY ROSS: "Fans, welcome to another edition of FWF
Battleground right here in rockin' Cleveland, Ohio! A lot
has gone on since the last Battleground, and tonight,
qualifying matches will be held to determine who will go
into the First Round of the Cable TV Title tournament at
the next Pay-Per-View against the FWF Top 8, who received
automatic slots!"
VICTOR ALVAREZ: "That's right, Tony! 16 men will battle in
8 singles matches to see who gets the right to go to the
Pay-Per-View to determine a Cable TV Champion! I'm looking
forward to it because we have some great matches lined up
tonight!"
JAKE SHADES: "Yeah, great for you, but boring for me! I'm a
little ticked off because my two favorite wrestlers have to
go against each other in the Main Event!"
T.R.: "It's too bad Nevada Smith has no love for you!
TONY ROSS: "You heard right fans, Nevada Smith and Frontier
Champion Jean Rabesque have formed an alliance to take on
National Champion Pop Culture's Superhero and his chosen
partner, the extremely controversial and bisexual Beau
Michaels! What a battle that is going to be!"
VICTOR ALVAREZ: "As you saw last time on Battleround, Jean
Rabesque came out and challenged PCS for the belt at the
next Pay-Per-View (highlights are shown) and PCS accepted!
But PCS wanted to make things a bit interesting by having a
Dream Partner Tag Team Match! The partners were announced
at the end of the night, and now we will see that
incredible tag team match tonight!"
JAKE SHADES: "I'm gonna have to go with PCS and Beau
Michaels on this one! Nevada has been catering to the fans
far too much lately and I bet he's lost his animal
instinct. He and Rabesque are out-classed from the start!
Plus, PCS asked me for some last minute advice and we
should see how that plays out later!"
T.R.: "We know how your last minute advice works! Wait a
second! I'm getting word that a wrestler has been attacked
in the back! We have a camera back there now!"
(Camera focuses in on a wrestler lying flat on his back on
the floor of the locker room)
T.R.: "Hey, that's Codie Thompson! He's in the tournament
tonight and is set to face Hikaru Yoshida! Did Yoshida
attack him to soften him up!?"
V.A.: "I don't think so! Yoshida is an honorable man and
Michael Kerrigan's new tag team partner, and I think that
someone else perpetrated this attack!"
J.S.: "Thompson has lost a lot of friends here so maybe it
was one of the dead weights he dropped a couple of
Battlegrounds ago!"
T.R.: "Victor, you mentioned Michael Kerrigan, and he faced
Greg in one of the qualifying matches tonight that wasn't
shown on TV! Let's check out the highlights!
(Camera switches to the match highlights)
T.R.: "There you see Greg flip Kerrigan high over the top
rope, as Greg is well over 7 foot tall! The two wrestlers
then started brawling and fought all the way to the locker
rooms, obviously oblivious to the fact that referee Willie
Bennett was counting them out!"
J.S.: "And obviously oblivious to the fact that nobody
gives two craps about them!"
T.R.: "I wouldn't say that, Jake! Kerrigan and Greg are two
great athletes that got caught up in their anger, and got
counted out! That means one wrestler will get a bye in the
first round of the tournament at the PPV!"
J.S.: "Knowing the way things go around here, it will
probably be that loser Shrike! He kisses Malec and Lebron's
ass so much, you can't tell where he starts and Malec and
Lebron end!"
T.R.: "We've heard just about enough of that talk! We'e
going to take a commercial break and we'll be back with the
first match right here on ESPN2!"
(Fade to a SLAM promo)
(Fade-in: The camera swoops down from the rafters and zooms
in on ring announcer Paul Kramer at mid-ring)
PAUL KRAMER: "In our first qualifying match to get into the
tournament for the Cable TV Title tournament, coming to the
ring," (CUE-UP: "Money, Sex, Hoes" by Jay-Z featuring DMX)
"From Hollywood, California, weighing in at 279lbs.,
HOLLYWOOD HAYES!!"
(The crowd boos loudly as Hayes makes his way to the ring,
shooting off his mouth all the way)
P.K.: "And his opponent," (A striking woman in a velvet
nightdress comes walking down to ringside and she is
carrying a bamboo stick)
T.R.: "Victor, is that who I think it is??"
J.S.: "Dear sweet Jesus, that's LADY VERONICA!! I haven't
seen this babe in ages!! Fwwweeetttt!!" (<--whistle)
V.A.: "It appears to be her, guys! She's handing Paul a
card!"
P.K.: "Hollywood Hayes' new opponent, returning to the
ring, from New York City, weighing in at 320 lbs., BIG
RODGE!!" (CUE-UP: "Holier Than Thou" by Metallica)
J.S.: "YYYYEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!"
(Rodge comes down to the ring as the crowd is in shock. He
is obviously slimmed down and looking very good. Rodge
doesn't even look at the crowd and jumps in the ring,
raising his hands up high)
T.R.: "This is unbelievable!! Big Rodge, a former NFWA
World Champion, has returned to the ring!! He's here with
Lady Veronica and he looks great!"
J.S.: "Finally, I have something else to cheer for in the
FWF besides PCS! Big Rodge, a REAL man, has arrived baby!
He's gonna tear this sucker apart!!"
T.R.: "Rodge wastes no time in attacking Hayes as Veronica
leaves the ring, and she looks better than ever too! Rodge
is really pummeling Hayes here! Hayes had a look of total
shock because he never expected this!"
V.A.: "Not many wrestlers have made an impact on this sport
like Big Rodge! He looks like he means business in there!"
J.S.: "How little you guys know about this! This is just
step one of the master plan! You two jerks will have to
pick your jaws off the table after you witness what's gonna
happen later on! Ha ha ha!"
T.R.: "Rodge pulls Hayes up and presses him over his head
twice and slams him down with tremendous force! My God,
that was 280 pounds! Rodge pulls Hayes up and whips him
in!! Sidewalk slam!! Hayes appears to still be in shock!"
J.S.: "Yeah, he thought he was supposed to fight "Rage o'
Fart", but I heard he jumped ship because the Cats took him
out!"
T.R.: "I don't know about that, Shades, but I'm not going
to comment on it!"
V.A.: "There you see Lady Veronica brandishing that bamboo
stick, and boy is she ever lethal with it! As pretty as she
is is, she is just as dangerous! She knows several martial
arts!"
JAKE SHADES: "Yeah, I'll have to teach her my new martial
art that I created.....Tae Kwan Blow!!"
TONY ROSS: "Why do I have to put up with this pervert on a
weekly basis? What if Rodge heard that, or even Veronica!?"
J.S.: "Ahhh, me and Rodge are tight, always have been!"
VICTOR ALVAREZ: "Hayes has put up literally no offense
here! He's getting demolished!"
T.R.: "I can't say I blame him! He's in there with one of
the greats and he didn't even know it! Rodge comes off the
ropes with a big splash, and 320lbs come crashing down on
Hayes! The self-proclaimed former actor is getting
smothered!"
J.S.: "There ain't no play-acting this beating! Hayes may
not live to tell about how he faced a legend!"
V.A.: "I wonder what brought Rodge back? Was it the money,
the fame, the belt, or even JC?"
J.S.: "You'll see, Vicky, just keep those beady little eyes
open!"
T.R.: "Is Rodge a part of JC's master plan!? That's a good
question Vic! Rodge pulls a limp Hayes from the mat and
hits a thunderous suplex! He's going up top!! Rodgebomb!! I
haven't seen that in a long time, guys!! 1-2-3!! Forget
this one! Hayes is going to have to be peeled from the mat!"
V.A.: "I have to sympathize with Hayes here, the odds were
stacked incredibly high against him! Big Rodge has returned
to wrestling and he has chosen the FWF as his stomping
grounds! He will advance to go to the Cable TV Title
tournament!"
J.S.: "And he WILL win it!"
T.R.: "What's this!? The lights all went out as Rodge and
Veronica were celebrating in the ring! A spotlight is
shining on the ring entrance and someone has come out! It's
JC!!"
J.S.: "Da MAN!!!!"
V.A.: "Remember last time on Battleground? FWF Co-owner
Scott Malec issued JC a manager's license, and maybe now he
taken it! Will he manage Rodge!?"
T.R.: "JC approaches the ring as Rodge and Veronica look
on, and he has a T-shirt and a black armband! The shirt has
the NEH logo on it!! Could this be the return of the New
Era of Hardcore!!?? JC steps up to the podium and he has
the mic!!"
JC: "It is time to come home....time for the phoenix to
spread and fan the flames...."
T.R.: "JC hands Rodge the shirt and the armband, and Rodge
puts both on!! My Lord, this could be the darkest day in
wrestling history if the NEH is allowed to live again!! JC
and Rodge embrace, and he does the same with Veronica!! The
NEH is back!!"
J.S.: "And there is nothing you or anybody else, including
Lebron, Malec, or that idiot Lord Dread can do to stop it!!
Malec dug his own grave!! Ha ha ha ha!!"
T.R.: "What a development!! We have to take a break, fans!
Stay right there!!"
(The camera fades back into the arena and pans the shocked
crowd, some are cheering the return of Big Rodge, and some
sit silent. The camera fades in on Paul Kramer in the ring)
PAUL KRAMER: "In our next qualifying match, coming to the
ring," (CUE-UP: "Greedy Fly" by Bush) "From Unlisted, USA,
weight unknown, NIGHTSHADE!!"
(Nightshade comes to the ring slowly wearing a white button
up shirt and black everything else, including black
Oakleys. He has fanged canines like a vampire and the crowd
does not know how to react to him)
P.K.: "And his opponent," ("Prelude to Agony" by Type O
Negative) "From Parts Unknown, weighing in at 240lbs.,
CARNIVORE!!"
(The crowd erupts in a chorus of boos as soon as Carnivore
emerges from behind the curtain. Carnivore sneers at them
and walks briskly to the ring)
T.R.: "This is our first look at NightShade in a long time,
and if you'll remember the last time we saw him, he was
trying to recruit Billy Matthews to join him!"
J.S.: "Why in the world would anyone want that little queer
boy on his side!? That was when he was going through his
cross-dresser stage, too!"
V.A.: "Jake, PCS picked Beau Michaels for his partner, what
do you say about that?"
J.S.: "Ummm...uhhh...Beau is a great wrestler, hands down.
PCS made a great choice!"
T.R.: "Sure Jake, anything to help the PCS cause! Hold
everything!! What is that noise!!?"
(A loud motorcycle noise is heard coming from the back, and
Nevada Smith bursts through the curtains on his Harley
Fatboy, and the Cleveland crowd explodes)
T.R.: "Oh man, look out!! Nevada Smith is here and
Carnivore is in trouble! Carnivore burned Smith badly at a
house card last week in Louisville and Smith is out for
revenge!"
J.S.: "What the hell is trailing from behind his bike!?"
V.A.: "It's a long chain connnected to a duffel bag! What
in the world is that all about!"
T.R.: "Smith parks his bike and hits the ring like a
tornado! NightShade climbs out of the ring as Smith
assaults Carnivore!! Smith kicks him in the groin and
ohhh!!! Devil's Drop powerbomb!! Carnivore is out and Smith
rolls him onto the floor!!"
J.S.: "Listen to these idiot fans!! They love him!! Damnit,
shut them up!!"
T.R.: "Carnivore is an evil individual and he should get
what he deserves! Smith rolls him over to his bike, which
is still running!! He picks up that duffel bag and pulls it
over Carnivore's head!! He's going to put Carnivore in the
bag!! Oh my!!"
V.A.: "I think he may be planning to drag Carnivore around
in that bag!!"
T.R.: "That could possibly happen! He's tied the end of the
bag off with the chain! Carnivore has no escape!!"
TONY ROSS: "Smith guns the motor on his Harley and he takes
off!! Oh my!! Nevada Smith is dragging Carnivore up the
aisle!! I can't believe this!! Carnivore is definitely a
black mark on society, but does he deserve this!? The fans
are eating this up!!"
JAKE SHADES: "Nevada is going to kill him, just like he
wanted!! He's actually doing Carnivore a favor!!"
VICTOR ALVAREZ: "If that is the case, then somebody better
stop him immediately!"
T.R.: "We have a camera in back and Smith is dragging
Carnivore through the Gund Arena locker room area!!"
(The camera switches to the back, and a determined Nevada
is seen taking off through a dock door out into the Gund
Arena parking lot)
T.R.: "Fans, as if Big Rodge's return wasn't enough, Nevada
Smith just went and one-upped him!! Oh my God, he's
dragging Carnivore within that duffel bag around the gravel
and dust of the parking lot!! Carnivore is getting what he
asked for!!"
V.A.: "In all my years of wrestling I have never seen
anything like this! We may be witnessing the death of a pro
wrestler live! Wait, here comes the police!!"
J.S.: "Nevada is a maniac, let's see if the police can
handle him! I don't think so!"
T.R.: "At least 4 or 5 Cleveland squad cars have just
pulled up and Nevada stops the Harley and watches the
swirling lights in amusement!! The police get out of their
cars and point their guns at him, and they might shoot
Nevada if he doesn't comply!!"
V.A.: "Nevada might be going to the big house tonight and
he's supposed to be in the Main Event!!"
J.S.: "Nevada just killed the Anti-Christ!!"
T.R.: "You may be right about that Shades! Look at this!
Smith is smiling and he's holding his arms in the air and
mockingly telling the police don't shoot! He's amused by
all this! Two of the officers get close enough and Smith
doesn't try anything! They cuff him and shove him against
the car and read him his rights!!"
V.A.: "And Nevada doesn't like being shoved like that and
now he's struggling against the door and yelling!"
T.R.: "Nevada should not make any more trouble than he's
already in! The cops shove him in the back of the squad car
and all 4 cars take off out of the lot! And Jean Rabesque
just came running out into the parking lot to check on his
partner! Too late! They're gone!!"
V.A.: "Rabesque is going into the Main Event tonight solo!!
PCS and Beau Micheals are probably red from laughing so
hard at this!!"
J.S.: "As much as I like Nevada, and no matter how much
these peons in the crowd cheer him, Nevada went too far out
there!"
T.R.: "I can't believe you just said that Shades! Are you
actually showing compassion here!?"
J.S.: "No..err..wait! Smith didn't go far enough!! Why
didn't he dump him in Lake Erie!?"
JAKE SHADES: "Why didn't he take him out onto I-90??"
TONY ROSS: "That's what I thought Shades! And look now! The
bag containing Carnivore is not moving, and some paramedics
have arrived to try and extricate Carnivore from it! Who
knows if he's dead or alive!"
VICTOR ALVAREZ: "They can't get the chain off! If
Carnivore's still alive, he may suffocate in there!"
J.S: "Serves him right for talking about Jews and black
people like that!"
(Camera switches back to the announcers)
T.R.: "Fans, I think NightShade will win this one by
default, and he will advance to the Pay-Per-View in the
First Round of the tournament! He didn't have to work too
hard for this one!"
V.A.: "Well, we didn't get to see NightShade in the ring,
but we wil most definitely see him at the PPV! As for
Carnivore, who knows when we'll see him again!
J.S.: "Hopefully never! That guy was one sick puppy!"
T.R.: "But Nevada Smith may have granted his wish here
tonight! He very well could have killed Carnivore, and the
police have taken him away!"
(The camera switches back to another part of the parking
lot)
T.R.: "Hey, there's Jean Rabesque in his street clothes
getting into his car! He just missed Smith getting taken
away, where is he going now, the police station!? Don't
tell me he's going to try and bail Nevada out!"
J.S.: "Lebron and Malec don't pay Rabesque enough to bail
him out! Rabesque couldn't even afford to fly here, he
hitchhiked!"
T.R.: "Then what did he just get into?"
J.S.: "A really complicated mess! I'm gonna have to go down
and bail Nevada out myself with my sustantial monetary
resources!"
T.R.: "Oh please, Shades, you have to panhandle fans at the
entrance of every arena we're at so you can buy liquor to
get through the broadcast! You're not fooling anybody!"
J.S.: "Damnit, I am not an alcoholic!!"
(Fade to commercial as Jean Rabesque's taillights turn out
of the parking lot and into the steel canyons of downtown
Cleveland)
(The camera zooms in on some of the Cleveland fans and
their signs. One reads "WHERE THE HELL IS HELIX?", and some
others read, "ICEKOLD IS TOO HOT", "LONG LIVE THE NEH", and
"HEY PCS, I PREFER MILLER". The camera then pans over and
zooms in on Paul Kramer)
PAUL KRAMER: "In our next qualifying match, coming to the
ring," (CUE-UP: dogs barking the National Anthem) "From
None of your damn business, weighing in at 285lbs., "THE
ICONOCLAST" MILAN CHINASKI!! He is accompanied by Pip, the
Mighty Squeak!"
(The crowd boos loudly as Chinaski and Pip make their way
to the ring, arguing and goofing around all the way down)
P.K.: "And his opponent," (CUE-UP: "Where Boys Fear to
Tread" by the Smashing Pumpkins) "From New York City,
weighing in at 235lbs., MINION!!"
(The crowd boos even louder as the new Minion comes to the
ring with a distant look in his face. When he gets to the
ring, he stops and points towards heaven and gives respect
to Tom Parker, the original Minion)
TONY ROSS: "Well, fans, its actually happened, someone has
gone far enough to imitate and take the name of a dead
wrestler! I find this to be kind of disrespectful!"
JAKE SHADES: "Hey, the guy is just paying tribute to his
dead hero, leave him alone! Plus, he might actually be
better than the original!"
T.R.: "I find that hard to believe, Jake! The original
Minion accomplished a lot in this sport!"
J.S.: "Anybody who hates King Krusher as much as this guy
is a friend of mine!"
V.A.: "This man is almost 200 pounds lighter and bears
almost no physical resemblance to the original!"
J.S.: "That may be a good thing!"
T.R.: "Chinaski has a big weight and strength advantage
over this new Minion, so we'll see how he handles it! They
lock up and Pip, the Mighty Squeak is running his mouth out
at ringside! This guy gets more annoying week after week!
Chinaski sets Minion up with a headlock but he back
suplexes out of it! Chinaski gets right to his feet and
gets clotheslined down! Minion comes off the ropes and hits
a flying body press, but Chinaski catches him and
powerslams him!! 1-2-Kickout!"
V.A.: "Minion has to be careful, because Chinaski is
tremendously powerful!"
J.S.: "And he has a mastermind at ringside with Pip!"
T.R.: "Oh, you've compared notes?"
J.S.: "No, but we traded shots of Jack!"
T.R.: "It figures! Chinaski in control here as he hits a
side slam on Minion! He drops an elbow on the second coming
of Minion and pulls him up! he whips Minion in and Minion
leapfrogs him! They both rebound and Minion hits a superb
dropkick!!"
V.A.: Note the drastic difference in style between the new
Minion and the deceased one! This Minion is a high flying
aerialist while the original was far too large for that!"
JAKE SHADES: "Yeah but the original one could do a mean
splash!"
TONY ROSS: "Minion pulls Chinaski up who is favoring his
jaw and he takes him down with a flying headscissors!
Impressive! This guy is looking good! He lifts Chinaski up
and hits a gourdbuster on him! Minion showing some strength
there!"
VICTOR ALVAREZ: "The new Minion seems to be deceptively
powerful for his size! Could this be a better Minion?"
T.R.: "Only time will tell that, Vic! Minion drags Chinaski
to his feet and he's allowing Pip to distract him! Minion
is over arguing and Chinaski sneaks up from behind and
rolls him up and pulls the tights!! 1-2-Almost!! Chinaski
almost won with a shortcut!"
J.S.: "Shortcut? That's a smart tactic, Tony, something you
wouldn't try if your pathetic body got into the ring!"
T.R.: "Yeah, whatever you rogaine taking, beer-bellied
loser! Shut up and watch the match! Chinaski is up and
taking it to Minion with a series of chops and a boot to
the gut that sends Minion into the corner! He Irish Whips
Minion to the other corner but Minion comes out like a
raging bull with a flying clothesline!! Wow, he leveled
Chinaski!!"
V.A.: "He seems to recuperate from injury very well, too!
Chinaski is in all kinds of trouble now!"
T.R.: "Minion pulls him up and hits a Northern Lights
Suplex!! He's going up top!! A somersault Senton Splash!!
What a move!! 1-2-3!! Minion scores the impressive victory
and he will go into the First Round at the PPV!!"
V.A.: "Minion calls that the "Fall From Grace", and from
the way he looked tonight, we could be looking at the next
Cable TV Champion!!"
T.R.: "And there go the lights again! Is JC going to come
out!? Yes, there's the spotlight and one of the most
controversial characters in pro wrestling history is coming
to the ring, with an NEH T-shirt and black arm band again!!"
V.A.: "It looks like he's going to recruit the new Minion
now as well!"
J.S.: "Another piece of the puzzle is flling into place!!
Ha ha!!"
T.R.: "JC enters the ring and he takes the mic from Paul
Kramer!"
JC: "Once again, it's time to come home...time for the
Phoenix to spread and fan the flames...."
(Minion has a confused look on his face as JC hands him the
shirt and arm band)
JC: "Minion, Tom Parker would have wanted you to join us.
You should take Tom Parker's spot in the NEH...you are the
new Minion and you deserve it."
T.R.: "Minion is putting the shirt on!! JC has just added
another member to his growing new incarnation of the New
Era of Hardcore!! Unbelievable! They embrace and leave the
ring together!!"
VICTOR ALVAREZ: "As you may know, the original Minion was
with JC in the original NEH, so how fitting it is that the
new Minion joins the new NEH! JC has played quite a role
and is taking advantage of his manager's license
immediately!"
JAKE SHADES: "Didn't you two dummies expect this!? You know
JC always acts swiftly and brutally, and Malec thinks he's
all high and mighty up there in his skybox with Lebron and
Dread, but he doesn't know how big of a mistake he made by
letting JC in! You just don't know what the cat will drag
in!! Ha ha ha ha!!"
TONY ROSS: "No matter what, JC is here and making an impact
by signing Big Rodge and Minion into his group! Fans, we
have to take a break! We'll be back on ESPN2!"
(The camera switches to the front of Cleveland's downtown
police headquarters. A car pulls up and Jean Rabesque gets
out and walks up the steps to the station, with a
checkbook in his hand. Fade to commercial)
(The camera comes back from commercial and zooms in on Paul
Kramer standing in the ring)
PAUL KRAMER: "In our next qualifying match, coming to the
ring," (CUE-UP: "War Pigs" by Black Sabbath) "From Detroit,
Michigan, weighing in at 260lbs., "THE ANNHILIATOR" KEVIN
OSBOURNE!! He is accompanied by Venus!"
(The crowd gives a mixed reaction to Osbourne as he walks
confidently to the ring with Venus in tow)
P.K.: "And his opponent, from Parts Unknown, weight unknown,
THE BLACK CAT!!"
(The Black Cat gets booed loudly as walks to the ring,
adjusts his mask, and pretends to take a swing at a loud
mouth fat guy at ringside)
TONY ROSS: "The Black Cat has a chance to prove himself as
a viable commodity without Copycat to help him!"
JAKE SHADES: "Are you kidding? This guy has proven himself
10 times over! He's helped to make the Mercenaries look like
jack-asses again and again!"
VICTOR ALVAREZ: "The Cats certainly have made a big impact
in the FWF, but their actions caught up to them at the last
house card in Louisville when they received a horrendous
beating at the hands of the Mercs!"
J.S.: "Oh wow, 4 on 2, those Mercenaries actually proved a
lot that night!"
T.R.: "The crowd is really getting on Black Cat's case here
and he's covering his masked ears up to ignore them!
Osbourne gets a kick to the gut in and hits a bulldog!!
He's up and putting the boots to Black Cat, who rolls out of
the ring for cover! Black Cat took the low road out of
there! He's favoring his head as some fans begin taunting
him!"
J.S.: "One of these days, one of those slobs at ringside is
gonna get hit right in the head and they're gonna wonder
why! Black Cat may be just the man to do it!"
T.R.: "I hope he's prepared to face a heavy lawsuit!
Speaking of lawsuits, I wonder who had Nevada Smith
arrested! It certainly wasn't Carnivore! Was it Malec,
Lebron, maybe Lord Dread?"
V.A.: "Do you think that it could have been JC?"
T.R.: "That is possible!"
J.S.: "You're damn right it is! JC makes things happen and
controversy follows him like moths to the light!"
T.R.: "Well, you're not lying about that Jake! Osbourne
pulls Black Cat up onto the apron by his mask and he
suplexes him back in! A cover!! 1-2-Kickout! Osbourne drags
Black Cat to his feet and the fans yell for him to put a
hurting on him! Osbourne picks him up in a press slam!!
Ohh!! Black Cat slips down and rolls him up!! 1-2-Ohhh!!
Just barely kicked out! Osbourne got way over-confident
there!"
V.A.: "Osbourne is a big man, and his strength is
impressive as he pressed Black Cat, who has to be almost
300 pounds! That may copntribute to his overconfidence!"
J.S.: "That and a roid rage can do you in!"
TONY ROSS: "Osbourne is now angered and swinging wildly at
Black Cat, who avoids those KO shots and kicks Osbourne in
the groin! That'll stop the big man! Black Cat grabs
Osbourne's head, jumps up and rams his face to the mat!
Black Cat gets on top and applies a chinlock, almost like a
camel clutch! Osbourne is in trouble!"
VICTOR ALVAREZ: "There you see Venus shouting instructions
and encouraging Osbourne on here! She's another one of the
beautiful woman here in the FWF, right along with Lady
Veronica and IceKold!"
JAKE SHADES: "Why Vic, are you displaying that 65 year-old
sex drive of yours? I didn't know you still liked women!"
T.R.: "There's no denying Venus is beautiful, but her looks
aren't going to help Osbourne here, who gets to his feet
but can't escape the grip of Black Cat! Ohh! That elbow to
the stomach just helped him a lot! Black Cat staggers back
sucking wind, and Osbourne turns and levels him with a
clothesline! Osbourne is up and raising his arms to the
crowd and getting some unexpected support!"
V.A.: "Osbourne has got to stay on him! Black Cat is too
cunning to be taken lightly like that!"
T.R.: "Osbourne gets Black Cat to his feet and whips him
in! Big backdrop! Black Cat's back is in agony as he slides
out of the ring for another breather! And this time
Osbourne is going out after him! They're going to brawl on
the outside!"
J.S.: "This is where the Cats shine!"
V.A.: "These guys have to be careful not to get counted
out, Willie Bennett is refereeing and he is quick to make
the count!"
T.R.: "But Venus has just entered the ring and she seems to
be distracting Bennett! Bennett wants her out of there!
Osbourne sees her in there and he grabs a chair! He goes to
swing at Black Cat, but Black Cat hit a spinning heel kick
and the chair whacks Osbourne in the face!!"
V.A.: "That was Kevin Osbourne's move, the Total
Annhiliation! Black Cat is using Copycat's tactics of using
his opponent's moves!"
T.R.: "Black Cat rolls Osbourne into the ring, and Venus
doesn't know what she just caused! Black Cat taps Bennett
on the shoulder and he slaps on the Cat's Claw on
Osbourne!! That half-nelson clawhold is applied but
Osbourne is out!! Bennett raises his arms three times and
calls for the bell! That's it! Black Cat is heading for the
Pay-Per-View!"
J.S.: "That's what Osbourne gets for trying to use a chair,
and that bimbo Venus should have just stayed home and
knitted a sweater or something! Way to go Black Cat!"
T.R.: "I see sexism still thrives in this country! Venus is
checking on Osbourne and fans, when we come back, we will
go live to the police station where Nevada Smith is being
held! Stay tuned!"
V.A.: "Hey the lights went out!"
T.R.: "What's going on here!" (a few seconds pass) Now
they're back on and Black Cat and Osbourne are gone! I
thought JC was going to come out again! It seems that the
Cats have abducted another wrestler and Venus is trying to
figure out what happened! I'm sure we'll find out soon
enough! We'll be back from Cleveland!" (fade to commercial)
(The camera comes back from commercial and the inside of
the downtown Cleveland police headquarters is shown. Jean
Rabesque walks up to the Sergeant's desk and has his
checkbook in hand. All around, several plainclothes
officers are seated at desks and many criminals are being
led in and out)
JEAN RABESQUE: "Hello Sergeant, my name's Jean Rabesque and
I'm a wrestler for the FWF, and we have an event going over
at..."
SERGEANT: "I know who you are. We just brought your
goofball friend in here a while ago."
J.R.: "I'm not really his friend, I just work with him. How
much is this moron going to cost me?"
(Nevada Smith can be heard yelling from a holding cell down
the hall from the Sergeant's desk)
NEVADA SMITH: "Hey Jean, is that you!? Get me the hell out
of here before I rip through the walls with my bare hands!
Who called the police on me, was it that jerk Malec!? How
about Lebron!?"
J.R.: "I don't know! Who did call the police,
and how much is this gonna run me?"
SGT: "A guy named JC and it ain't gonna cost ya nothin'."
J.R.: "Nothing?"
N.S.: "Bail me outta this dump, Rabesque, and I'll pay ya
back when we get back to the arena! I got the cash, you
know I'm good for it! Where's my damn bike at?? It better
not have been impounded otherwise I'm gonna un-pound it!!"
J.R.: " Don't worry, Smith, it's still parked at
the arena! And JC called the police on you, not Malec or
Lebron!"
N.S.: "JC!!?? Why that scrawny, pencil-necked little
Pandorian pansy! I'm gonna rip his still-beating heart out
and show it to him before I shove it back down his throat!!
That maggot!! Lemme outta here!!"
SGT: "We were just waiting for someone to pick his ass up,
we're getting tired of listening to him."
J.R.: "Why is there no bail?"
SGT: "No charges were pressed. The guy he was dragging
around on the bike declined to press charges at the
hospital. He was smiling and said he rather enjoyed it.
Damn sicko. Anyways he's clear and free to go. Get em outta
here."
J.R.: "Allright, Nevada, you're outta here!"
N.S.: "It's about damn time! Why didn't those three monkeys
that run that half-ass operation bail me out!? Did they
send you!?"
J.R.: "They don't have time to deal with your lunacy,
Smith!"
(Two uniformed cops bring Nevada out and uncuff him. They
ask him to sign a release form and Nevada inks it with an
"X")
N.S.: "I'll see you goons around! Let's blow this joint,
Jean!" (fade to commercial)
(The camera comes back from commercial and pans the crowd.
Several signs are shown including, "B.O.P GOT IT EASY",
"NEUTER THE CATS", "NEVADA IS DA F'N OMEGA", and "I CAN
TAKE THE LOST HANSON". The camera zooms over to Paul Kramer
at mid-ring)
PAUL KRAMER: "In our next qualifying match, coming to the
ring," (CUE-UP: "More Human Than Human" by White Zombie)
"From Nagasaki, Japan, weighing in at 220lbs., HIKARU
YOSHIDA!!"
(Yoshida comes out to a mild pop wearing black pants with a
white lion on the left side)
P.K.: "And his opponent," (CUE-UP: "Jump Around" by House
of Pain) "From Phoenix, Arizona, weighing in at 255lbs.,
CODIE THOPMSON!!"
T.R.: "OK, well as you know, Thompson got attacked earlier
in the night by somebody, who we still do not know!
Thompson has not emerged from the curtain!"
(CUE-UP: "Mary Jane's Last Dance" by Tom Petty. The crowd
pops big)
T.R.: "It looks like we have a replacement! Henry Goldwire
is back and he's coming to the ring!!"
V.A.: "Was he the one that attacked Thompson earlier!?"
J.S.: "Of course! This coward couldn't get into the
tournament the right way, so he had to attack a superior
wrestler like Thompson from behind so he could get in! What
a jerk!"
T.R.: "That remains to be seen, Jake, but the fact of the
matter is, Henry Goldwire is here and he's going in against
Yoshida! We haven't seen Goldwire in a while!"
J.S.: "I was hoping to keep it that way!"
V.A.: "This is the second time tonight that a wrestler is
taking another wrestler's place, and this time its going to
be Goldwire!"
T.R.: "Yoshida is arguing with referee Stu Fields about
this, and Fields says let's get this match going! I have to
sympathize with Yoshida, because he was not prepared for
this, just like Hollywood Hayes wasn't prepared for Big
Rodge! They hook it up and the much more powerful Goldwire
launches Yoshida across the ring! The fans love it, listen
to this crowd! they haven't seen Goldwire in a long time
either!"
V.A.: "Goldwire is a former number one contender, but he
tended to avoid the spotlight and didn't involve himself in
feuds, and that may have cost him here in the FWF! But now
he's back and he looks like he's enjoying himself
tremendously!"
T.R.: "Yoshida gets back to his feet and is met with a
stiff shoulderblock from Yoshida! Yoshida almost falls
through the ropes! Yoshida collects himself and assaults
Goldwire with a series of chops! Goldwire is staggered back
and Yoshida grabs a headlock! Goldwire atomic drops his way
out of it!!"
V.A.: "That really rocked Yoshida! His spine may have
cracked on that one!"
J.S.: "I'd like to crack Goldwire's spine! Anybody see any
baseball bats or metal rods lying around?"
TONY ROSS: "Yoshida is in serious trouble here as Goldwire
yanks him up and slams him down with ease! Big legdrop and
a cover!! 1-2-Kickout! Yoshida is hanging in there!"
VICTOR ALVAREZ: "Yoshida is Michael Kerrigan's partner in
WAR Machine, and we saw Kerrigan get counted out earlier in
the night! It doesn't look good for either member of WAR
Machine tonight!"
T.R.: "Goldwire pulls Yoshida up but the man from the
Orient sweeps the leg nicely! Goldwire fell flat on his
face! Yoshida drops a fist on the back of the head and now
he's applying a double chicken wing to Goldwire! Goldwire
swings his legs around and gets to the ropes, breaking the
hold! Yoshida kicks at Goldwire in anger right in the ribs!"
J.S.: "Go Yishoda, break those damn ribs! He's got no
business even being in here!"
T.R.: "That's YOshIda, dummy!"
V.A.: "The last thing Yoshida wants to do is lose his
temper against Goldwire, because he's not going to be able
to outbrawl him!"
T.R.: "Goldwire manages to get to his feet and Yoshida
continues to pummel him with kicks and ohh!! Nice sidekick
to the head and Goldwire falls on the ropes but is still
standing! Yoshida grabs Goldwire and whips him into the
corner! Goldwire rebounds and ducks under a clothesline,
turns, and hooks in the Lights Out sleeper!!"
V.A.: "This could be it for Yoshida, Goldwire is the master
of this hold!"
J.S.: "I know what else he master-..."
T.R.: "We don't want to know! Yoshida sinks to his knees
and Goldwire's got the sleeper cinched like a vice! Stu
Fields raises the arm once! Twice! Three times!! He calls
for the bell and the fans respond!"
J.S.: "This is BS, man! How in the world is Goldwire able
to waltz right in here and take somebody's spot like that!"
T.R.: "But it was OK when Big Rodge did it, right!?"
J.S.: "That's because Rodge was replacing "Rage o' Fart",
who broke the hell out as fast as he could! That's
different!"
V.A.: "Yes, but we don't even know if Goldwire attacked
Thompson in back or not!"
J.S.: "Vicky, are you that freakin' stupid?? Who else
attacked him, your fairy godmother!? I think you need some
Ginkoba Golotta or whatever the hell its called for your
old age!"
T.R.: "Goldwire has the mic!"
J.S.: "Oh, who the hell wants to listen to this garbage!?"
HENRY GOLDWIRE: "Ya know, after PCS beat me, I just didn't
FEEL the same, just couldn't get my mind back on wrestling.
I thought I had it made, I thought I had the title wrapped
up, only to find myself getting pinned for the 3 count. But
now I'm back and it looks like I've made it to the First
Round of this tourney and TRUST ME, this time, it's gonna
be DIFFERENT. This time Goldwire ain't gonna go down, this
time, the TITLE comes to ME."
(Fade to commercial as Goldwire tosses the mic to Kramer)
(The camera comes back from commercial in the inside of
Jean Rabesque's car. The shot is from the backseat, and
Rabesque is shown driving with Nevada Smith in the
passenger seat)
JEAN RABESQUE: "What the hell possessed you to do something
stupid like that?"
NEVADA SMITH: "Hey, the jerk asked for it, and I gave it to
him! You seen what he did to my face in Louisville!
You think I was gonna let that go? Fak ya!
J.R.: "What if you killed him?"
N.S.: "Well, I didn't, so who cares? I guess
I didn't get the job done! You said my bike was still
there right?"
JEAN RABESQUE: "Yeah."
N.S.: "If anybody touched that thing I'll give em another
opening to crap from! I can't believe that Pandorian runt
called the police on me! I'll drag his ass around the
parking lot, too!"
J.R.: "Look, you're in enough trouble as it is! We don't
need you getting arrested again because you want to kill
JC! In case you didn't notice, we have a main event to
wrestle in tonight!"
N.S.: "Yeah, yeah, I know, you don't have to raise your
damn voice, I'm right next to ya! PCS and that gyrating
monkey are the least of my worries right now."
J.R.: "Look, you better make them your biggest worry right
now, or we're going to lose!"
N.S.: "You don't sound too confident in me!"
(Rabesque just stares in disbelief at Nevada as he turns a
corner and approaches the Gund Arena ramp entrance. He
begins going down the ramp as the camera fades to the
inside of Gund Arena and Paul Kramer standing at mid-ring)
PAUL KRAMER: "In our next qualifying match, coming to the
ring," (CUE-UP: "Pretty Fly for a White Guy" by Offspring)
"From Kalamazoo, Michigan, weighing in at 301lbs.,
COPYCAT!!"
(The crowd erupts with boos as Copycat walks to ringside
taunting everyone he can)
P.K.: "And his opponent," (CUE-UP: "Shapes of Things" by
the Jeff Healy Band) "From Indianapolis, Indiana, weighing
in at 235lbs., STEVE LEWISTON!! He is accompanied by Rob
Anthony!"
(The crowd cheers as the Mercenaries walk to the ring
looking very serious towards Copycat, and they slap a few
hands along the way)
TONY ROSS: "Not only is a slot in the Cable TV Title
tournament on the line here, but these two guys hate each
other's guts!"
JAKE SHADES: "And once again, the Cats are gonna make the
Mercs look like parapalegic morons! Let's see what the Cats
cooked up for this one!"
VICTOR ALVAREZ: "Steve Lewiston brought Rob Anthony down to
the ring as insurance, but who knows where Black Cat is!
Last time we saw him the lights went out and he vanished
and took Kevin Osbourne with him!"
TONY ROSS: "Fans, before we announced this match, you saw
Nevada Smith and Jean Rabesque riding to the arena, and
Rabesque was not happy with Smith! Smith seems to be
preoccupied with a lot of things tonight!"
JAKE SHADES: "I don't care how preoccupied he is, they
would have lost to PCS and Michaels no matter what!"
T.R.: "I thought you liked Nevada Smith though?"
J.S.: "Not when he's fighting the Pepsi fresh one!"
T.R.: "Oh Lord! Well, we got a staredown in the ring as the
much larger Copycat looks down on Lewiston! Rob Anthony is
about Copycat's size as he watches from ringside waiting
for the Black Cat to interfere! Copycat shoves Lewiston and
Lewsiton kicks him in the shin! Copycat screams out in
agony and Lewiston rakes his eyes and whips him in! Ohh!!
Running kneelift!! Copycat's nose may have left his face on
that one!!"
V.A.: "And Copycat rolled right out by Rob Anthony in
no-man's land! Not smart! Anthony grabs him by the hair and
rolls him back in!"
J.S.: "Disqualify them!! Get Anthony out of there, that was
blatant cheating!"
T.R.: "He just got Copycat back into the ring so he
wouldn't get counted out! Copycat is still favoring his
nose here as Lewiston yanks him up by his hair and smashes
him with a stiff uppercut followed by a knee to the gut!
Lewiston whips him in and hits a nice dropkick! A quick
cover!! 1-2-Copycat throws Lewiston off with authority!"
J.S.: "Did he actually think he was going to pin Copycat!?
Please!!"
T.R.: "Lewiston is quick to his feet and he levels Copycat
with a kick to he face! Copycat's nose has to be broken
after this assault! Copycat rolls back out of the ring and
Anthony runs over and "assists" him back in! With a shot to
the head for good measure!"
J.S.: "What is this bull!!? Which referee is that?? Oh, not
that idiot Sal Putz! This guy can't even referee a Mites
soccer game, what the hell is he doing in there!?"
T.R.: "Doing his job, Jake! Lewiston back to the attack and
the Mercs have successfully neutralized Copycat, using
tactics the Cats would use themselves! We saw Black Cat win
his match earlier in the night and dissappear, but I'm sure
he'll be showing his face soon!"
V.A.: "Lewiston seems to know exactly what he's doing in
there, as Copycat has shown no offense at all!"
J.S.: "Give him a few minutes, Victoria, he's just warming
up!"
T.R.: "Copycat is in serious pain as Lewsiton picks him
with a suplex, no, a brainbuster!! 1-2-Oh my God how did he
kick out of that!! Lewiston drove him down right on his
neck!! Lewiston is up and arguing with Putz!"
V.A.: "This is giving Copycat an opportunity to recover and
regroup!"
J.S.: "What do you expect from a lunkhead like Lewiston!"
VICTOR ALVAREZ: "Steve Lewiston has mainly been a tag team
wrestler for most of his career, but he is looking very
impressive in singles competition here!"
JAKE SHADES: "What are you talking about, Vickless!? This
IS a tag team match, Anthony might as well get up on the
apron and hold the tag rope, the big goof!"
TONY ROSS: "I think he may have been within ear shot of
that one!"
(Anthony indeed heard it and stalks over to Shades and
starts yelling at Shades as the fans egg him on. Shades
takes his headset off and hides under the table)
T.R.: "Ha ha ha!! Jake Shades put in his place again,
begging for mercy! Get up here and put your headset back on
before Malec fires you for loafing! Anthony's gone!"
J.S.: "See what pacifism can accomplish!? He just walked
away like the loser he is!"
T.R.: "In the ring, Lewiston has a sleeperhold on but
Copycat drops down and cracks Lewsiton's chin off his head!
Copycat rolls over and tries to collect himself! Lewiston
uses the ropes to get up and he rushes Copycat with an
axehandle but Copycat gets an elbow in there! Copycat gets
to his feet and drops Lewiston with a boot to the face!
Copycat off the ropes and measures him with a forearm down
to his head!"
V.A.: "It took awhile for Copycat to come back, but you can
tell his nose is still bothering him!"
J.S.: "That's just because Lewiston smells like open ass!
He's trying to avoid the stench!"
T.R.: " Copycat pulls Lewiston up and hits a
backbreaker and he holds him on his knee, bending him in an
awkward position as Lewiston yells out in pain! Anthony
starts slapping on the mat to encourage him!"
J.S.: ":That clown can slpa whatever he wants, including
his schwantego, but it's not gonna keep Copycat from
obliterating this bum!"
T.R.: "Copycat lets off as Lewiston rolls off his knees to
the mat! Copycat parades and taunts the crowd and they
respond with thunderous boos! Cleveland does not like the
Cats! Copycat whips him in, reversal! Lewiston with a
flying clothesline!! Lewiston comes back out of nowhere!"
V.A.: "That burst of energy could have worn Lewiston out
for good, though!"
T.R.: "Lewiston covers Copycat!! 1-2-kickout! Here comes
Black Cat!! He's up on the apron!! Anthony from behind
holds Black Cat and Lewiston comes over and nails him!! The
crowd responds!! Lewiston is trying to pull Black Cat's
mask off!! The crowd is screaming for him to do it!!"
J.S.: "NOOOOOO!!!!"
T.R.: "Copycat pulls something out his tights, what is it!?
It's some kind of black substance and he throws it in
Lewiston's eyes!! Putz didn't see it because he was trying
to get Anthony off the apron!! Copycat kicks Anthony in the
groin and he falls off the apron!! Lewiston is stumbling in
agony and Copycat nails him with the Kittykat Kick, his
version of the superkick!! Putz is back in!! 1-2-3!! The
Cats get a cheap win!!"
JAKE SHADES: "Cheap win!!?? Turnabout is fair play! Anthony
took it upon himself to stick his big nose in where it
didn't belong, and they paid for it! Too bad! Both Cats are
now in the tournament and I love it!"
VICTOR ALVAREZ: "But Lewiston put up one heck of a match
even though he's a tg team wrestler! I am impressed!"
J.S.: "That's because he was using Anthony as a crutch!
Once again Old Man Alvarez forgot his glasses at home,
along with his teeth!"
T.R.: "Jake, shut up, it's time for a commercial!"
(Cameras switch to the parking lot, and Nevada Smith is
seen walking his Harley into Gund Arena out of the parking
lot where he left it. Rabesque is trailing him and shaking
his head)
NEVADA SMITH: "Lucky this bike was right where I left it,
otherwise there would have been hell to pay, and I'd be
playin' Satan!"
(Beau Michaels is shown in the corner snickering at the
sight of Smith walking his bike in)
N.S.: "What the hell are you laughin' at, ya fudge-packin
sissy-boy! Ya better wipe that stupid look off your face
before I erase it!"
(Rabesque gets in front of Nevada and holds him back)
JEAN RABESQUE: "Wait til later! Wait til the Main Event!"
(Fade to commercial)
(The camera comes back from commercial and zooms in on
three busty girls at ringside, screaming and yelling and
shaking their assets. A couple guys behind them make lewd
gestures towards them which they are oblivious to. The
camera pans over a bit and two fat guys screaming at each
other can be seen, and the camera moves away before a punch
is thrown. CUT-TO: Paul Kramer at mid-ring)
PAUL KRAMER: "In our last qualifying match of the evening,
coming to the ring," (CUE-UP: "All in the Family" by Korn)
from Miami, Florida, WAYNE ROBERTS!!"
(Wayne Roberts walks through the curtains to a mild pop,
wearing a pair of jeans, a T-shirt, and a pair of brown
leather boots. He looks PO'd as he trots to the ring. He
slaps a few hands and shoots a smile or two and an
occassional nod. He rolls under the rope and trots to the
corner nearest the announcer's table and grabs a house mic
from the ring attendant. He then hops up and takes a seat
on the top turnbuckle)
WAYNE ROBERTS: "All right, I've expressed myself many times
since this past Wedmesday when it was announced that I will
be replacing Johnny Gunnz tonight against Isz. I could come
out here and pump a load of crap, but I ain't going to. All
right, here's the deal. I know Isz is here, and I would
gladly bet a years salary that Kale and Ted are too, so
what I want right now is for the President, JOE LEBRON, to
take a second out of his busy schedule and come out here."
(After a few seconds, the spotlight shoots up to the second
balcony at the skybox where Lebron, Scott Malec, and Lord
Dread are viewing tonight's event. Lebron has a mike)
JOE LEBRON: "What is is, Roberts?"
W.R.: "Joe, it's all right that I call ya Joe, since
afterall, I am your whole God damn show tonight. Since,
some moron booked a set of JTTSers in the M f'n E
tonight...anyway...all I want from you is....during this
match with Isz...I want the ring circled with armed guards,
and if Kale and Ted or ANYONE else shows their face during
the match, they WILL be PUNISHED! If I can get a guarantee
on that, I will be happy."
J.L.: "Well, Roberts, your request is highly unorthodox,
but I think I can accomdate it. I don't want to see those
guys take anyone else out, especially after Helix. Can I
get the whole FWF security staff to come out and surround
the ring please?"
(Soon, a phalanx of FWF security guards mixed in with local
Cleveland police begin to circle the ring as the crowd
reacts. CUE-UP: "The Kids Aren't Alright" by Offspring)
P.K.: "And his opponent, from Unpleasantville, weighing in
at 195lbs., ISZ!!"
(Isz comes out wearing his jet black mask and black pants.
He looks straight at the ring and manuevers past the
security assembled at ringside)
JAKE SHADES: "Who in the hell does this bum Roberts think
he is? Since when is he good enough for special requests!
And what other "special requests" has Lebron granted him!?"
TONY ROSS: "This is to keep an even playing field, Shades!
You know that!"
J.S.: "Yeah so Roberts can have armed goons help him beat
ISZ, who is far superior! We're looking at the man that
drove Helix from the sport with the mere sight of his face!"
TONY ROSS: "It was more than that, Shades! But that is the
question that is on everyone's mind, where is Helix!?"
VICTOR ALVAREZ: "Roberts claims to be a friend of Helix's,
and wants to avenge him here tonight against Isz, with
security surrounding the ring!"
T.R.: "Oh, these guys just start tearing into eah other
like wild animals on the loose! Kicking, punching,
scratching and crawling, this is going to be a fight!
Roberts gets the advantage and hits Isz with an uppercut
that sends him flying into the corner!"
V.A.: "He's going to try and take Isz's mask off!"
J.S.: "I don't think he wants to do that, that's how Helix
high-tailed it out of here!"
T.R.: "You are conveniently forgetting the beating Helix
took at the hands of Noble Kale, Isz, and Hillbilly Ted!"
J.S.: "Oh yeah, that too!"
T.R.: "Roberts has Isz by the ropes and he's trying to
unlace the back of his mask! He can't get it off and Isz
jacks him with a low blow, saving his mask! Isz hits comes
off the ropes and hits a hurracanrana! A rollup!!
1-2-Kickout!! Isz quickly to his feet and he hits Roberts
with a splash! 1-2-No!! Isz going for a quick win here!"
V.A.: "Isz will be without the services of Noble Kale and
Isz with that wall of security out there! Roberts made an
unusual request and Lebron granted it!"
J.S.: "Butt-buddies tend to do that, Vick!"
T.R.: "Isz rakes Roberts eyes and plants him with a face
slam! Remember, Roberts outweighs Isz by almost 60 pounds
and Isz is handling him well! Isz drags Roberts body to the
corner and he mounts the turnbuckle! Somersault legdrop!!
He missed!! Roberts rolled out of the way!"
V.A.: "That could have been it right there! Roberts better
count his lucky stars!"
J.S.: "It doesn't matter because Kale and Ted will still
find a way to get to him! I can't believe the nerve of this
punk to call out security!"
T.R.: "You may need security if you keep making comments
like that! Roberts slowly gets to his feet and approaches
Isz! Isz garbs him and rolls him up!! They're tangled in
the ropes! Referee William Bennett tries to untangle them
and Roberts rolls out of the ring! He drags Isz out with
him!"
J.S.: "He's doing this so Lebron's hired goons can get
their pot-shots in! Roberts can't win without all this
help!"
T.R.: "Roberts and Isz exchanging rights and lefts, and the
FWF security isn't touching anybody, as expected! Isz
kicks Roberts in the shin and rolls him back into the ring!
Isz going up top! Moonsault!! Perfectly executed!!
1-2-Kickout!"
V.A.: "With all this controversy surrounding Noble Kale,
Isz, and Helix, we forget what a great aerial wrestler Isz
is! This guy can do anything!"
J.S.: "Including making the top FWF star run away from the
FWF with a yellow streak on his back!"
JAKE SHADES: "I say good riddance to bad rubbish! helix
made me sick with all his righteous B.S.! Plus, PCS made
him look like a clown too! Ha ha ha!"
TONY ROSS: "I'm telling you Shades, this is all coming back
to haunt you, just remember that! Isz pulls Roberts up by
the hair and whip him in! Body press! No!! Roberts catches
him!! Implant slam!! Wow!! They felt that over at Jacobs
Field! 1-2-Isz slips out! Roberts is slow to react!"
VICTOR ALVAREZ: "Roberts is just too big for Isz to perform
continous aerial moves on, Roberts was eventually going to
catch him, and he did!"
T.R.: "Roberts gets up and kicks Isz in the ribs before
dragging him to his feet! Belly to back suplex by Roberts!
Roberts drops a double knee to the stomach and Isz is
sucking wind! Roberts gets him up and suplexes him with
ease! Isz is in serious pain now!"
V.A.: "Due to Isz's compact body structure, he may be able
to absorb a big beating here!"
J.S.: "Yeah, because Roberts isn't really doing much here
anyway!"
T.R.: "You must be blind, Isz is getting rocked! Roberts
goes for a powerbomb!! No!! Isz stops him in midflight and
starts pounding on the head!! Roberts falls back!! 1-2-no!!
Roberts flips him back over!! 1-2-Ohhh!! Almost had him on
that reversal!"
V.A.: "Roberts showed his strength there by reversing Isz
and flipping him back for the pin after being pinned! Isz
better do something quick to counter Roberts' strength!"
J.S.: "Isz doesn't have to do anything, Roberts is lucky
he's still in this match! We're talking about the
Helix-killer here!"
T.R.: "Oh please! Both men are on their feet! Isz charges
him with a clothesline but Roberts ducks! he grabs Isz from
behind and ohhh!! Full nelson suplex!! Isz neck snapped
viciously on the mat!! Roberts is slow to cover!"
V.A.: "Isz may have hurt Roberts more than we thought!"
J.S.: "That and the fact that Roberts is a puss ought to
explain it, Victoria!"
T.R.: "Roberts finally covers!! 1-2-No!! Too much time was
taken there! Roberts slaps the mat in frustration! He pulls
Isz up and whips him in! Roberts tries a flying
shoulderblock but Isz ducks out of the way!! Roberts goes
careening out to the floor!"
V.A.: "Roberts landed against the steel railing there and
he may have injured his back badly!"
J.S.: "This is it, Isz! get him back in the ring and pin
that squid!"
T.R.: "Isz goes out to retrieve Roberts, but he was playing
possum and drills Isz in the ribs! A kick to the stomach
followed by a slam on the concrete! Ouch! Roberts
rejuvenated himself quickly on the outside! Roberts rolls
him into the ring! Double arm DDT!! No, Isz blocks and
turns it into a Russian Leg Sweep!! How did he do that!?"
V.A.: "Isz just bought himself a few seconds!"
TONY ROSS: "Both men are lying on the mat and breathing
heavy! What a match! This has gone back and forth! I really
thought Roberts would not have a problem beating Isz!"
JAKE SHADES: See? Isz doesn't need Kale and Ted! he can
hold his own just fine against a loser like Roberts1"
T.R.: "Roberts is up first and he drags Isz to his feet!
Isz jacks him in the head and pulls him to the corner!!
Tornado DDT!! He buried Roberts head in the mat!! He's not
pinning him!! Isz is going up top!! Is he going for his
"Assisted Suicide" frog splash!! Yes!! What height!!!
He nails Roberts!! Wait!! The momentum carried Roberts on
top of Isz!!! 1-2-3!! Oh my!! Roberts pulled that one out
of the proverbail rearend!!"
J.S.: "NOOOO!!!!!!"
V.A.: "Isz attained such tremendous height with that leap,
when he landed, it was just too much momentum and Roberts
managed to roll on top of him!! What a victory!"
T.R.: "Listen to this crowd here in Cleveland, they love
it! The first step of Roberts revenge has been attained!
Roberts is up and now and the guards are entering the ring!
What's this!?"
J.S.: "They're all gonna beat on Isz now! This isn't fair!!
Where's Kale and Ted!!"
T.R.: 'The guards aren't doing anything, they're simply
making sure no one enters the ring! Wait! Roberts just took
a nightstick from one of the guards!! Ohhh!! He's beating
the life from Isz with that nightstick!!"
J.S.: "Get him out of there!!"
V.A.: "He's going for a chair on the outside now!"
T.R.: "Roberts has lost it!! He folds up the chair and he
double arm DDTs Isz on it!! Isz has got to be out!! Roberts
has a mic!"
WAYNE ROBERTS: "Isz, you won't be at the Pay-Per-View,
because you will be in the hopsital. Ted, Kale, YOUR ASSES
ARE MINE!!"
T.R.: "The crowd responds with a roar but wait!! Here comes
Big Hillbilly Ted and Noble Kale!! Security forms a wall
between Roberts and Isz's friends! Oh my God!! Ted grabs
two of the guards and he double chokeslams them!! Kale is
dropping the others like flies! Ted chokeslams another
guard!! This is getting out of hand!!"
J.S.: "YES!! YES!! It's time for retribution Roberts!! You
done went and messed with the wrong guys!!"
T.R.: "Kale gets to Roberts and assaults him with a barrage
of kicks and punches! Kale with a sidekick to the head
staggers Roberts and he grab him!! Dogma!! Ohhhh!! Right on
the steel chair!! Good Lord!"
V.A.: "Roberts may be seriously injured after that, and he
joins Isz on the mat!!"
J.S.: "Turnabout is fair play, damnit!"
T.R.: "Kale grabs the mic that Roberts dropped and kneels
in the corner!!"
NOBLE KALE: "Judge not, Roberts....never compare, our sins,
from the lie, that was your hero...Simply lie there, face
down in your own blood...and know, that there are worse
things, than the monsters that have broken you. And
know.....that they do not lurk in shadows. They do not,
stalk in alleys...but they sign your paychecks, Mr.
Roberts. Take the knowledge....and quiver in fear..."
TONY ROSS: "He drops the mic has Ted holds the guards at
bay with repeated chokeslams, and Kale Dogmas him again on
the steel chair!! We need some help in there now, Ted is
killing those guards!! Here comes some more of Cleveland's
finest!"
VICTOR ALVAREZ: "Both Roberts and Isz may have ended their
careers here tonight in stunning fashion! Kale and Ted grab
Isz and take off before the cops can get to them, and there
are bodies everywhere in that ring! Ted laid them all out!!"
JAKE SHADES: "He may be a dumb redneck, but he is not to be
messed with, and neither is Kale! I hope Roberts
understands that he's gonna have to accept the fact that
Helix is gone!! And I love it!! Ha ha ha ha!!"
T.R.: "We still don't know aything about that, Shades! Here
come some paramedics to assist Roberts, as he may have had
his neck snapped in there! But Roberts was able to take out
Isz before the damage was done, so he may have reduced
Kale's ranks from 3 to 2!"
V.A.: "I wouldn't count either Roberts or Isz out in this
war! This is far from over guys! We still need to know what
happened to Helix!"
T.R.: "Fans, we have to take a break, when we come back,
FWF Co-owner Scott Malec has a special announcement about
the Pay-Per-View!"
(Fade to an IWC promo)
(The camera fades back in from commercial and Nevada Smith
is shown sitting on a bench in the locker room taping up
his fists and putting his wrestling boots on. Jean Rabesque
is standing nearby, already in his wrestling gear)
JEAN RABESQUE: "I'm telling you, Smith, get your mind off
JV and concentrate on PCS and Micheals, these guys are not
to be taken lightly!"
NEVADA SMITH: "I've had just about enough of your whining,
Rabesque! I tahnked ya for bailing me out of the slammer,
but don't think I'm gonna kiss your French-Canadian ass
from now on! I will worry abou what I wanna worry about!"
J.R.: "Hey, I just want to beat these guys! I got the title
shot at the Pay-Per-View and I'd like to have some momentum
going into it."
N.S.: "Yeah, you'll have momentum all right...when I launch
ya headfirst into the ring off my bike! Lay off, man!"
J.R.: "I don't want to fight with you, let's just get our
heads together and plan out what we're going to do in this
match!"
(The two wrestlers begin discussing their pre-match plans
as the camera fades to commercial)
(The camera comes back from commercial and the crowd is
still buzzing from the events that have just conspired.
Paul Kramer is standing at mid-ring)
PAUL KRAMER: "Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the co-owner
of the FWF, Scott Malec!!"
(Scott Malec walks to the ring wearing a blue silk shirt
and baggy black slacks with a black tie. The crowd reacts
positively as Malec climbs in and takes the mic)
SCOTT MALEC: "OK fans, I have a big announcement regarding
the Pay-Per-View! As most of you know, we have held
qualifying matches tonight to decide who goes into the
Pay-Per-View to face the FWF's Topm 8 in a tournament to
crown our first Cable TV Champion! The name of the event is
FWF DIVIDE AND CONQUER '99!! It will be held at the
Louisiana Superdome in New Orleans! So, due to the results
of tonight's matches, Big Rodge, NightShade, Copycat, Wayne
Roberts, The Black Cat, and Minion will be part of Group 1
that will be randomly drawn to face Billy Matthews, Nevada
Smith, Noble Kale, Beau Michaels, Shrike, Golem, Big
Hillbilly Ted, and Jonathan Nash in 8 matches of the First
Round! Also, since there was a draw tonight,
that means that somebody in Group 2, the FWF Top 8, gets a
First Round Bye! Also, FWF National Champion Pop Culture's
Superhero will face Frontier Champion Jean Rabesque in the
Main Event! And the Birds of Prey will defend the
National Tag Team Titles against Rob Anthony and Steve
Lewiston of the Mercenaries! That's 17 matches! So
make sure you order this event, because this will be the
biggest the FWF has held yet!"
(Malec exits the ring to the cheers)
JAKE SHADES: "What the hell was he blabbering about? I was
busy trying to figure out all this qualifying match mess!"
TONY ROSS: "If you didn't hear it the first time, I'm not
repeating it! We'll be back with the Main Event!!"
(Fade to a Divide and Conquer '99 promo)
(The camera fades back from commercial and zooms in on Paul
Kramer in the ring)
PAUL KRAMER: "Ladies and gentlemen, the thousands in the
arena, the millions watching at home, are you ready for the
MAIN EVENT!!?? This is a Dream Partner Tag
Team Match! First, coming to the ring," (CUE-UP: "Sell Out"
by Reel Big Fish) "From Sacramento, California, weighing in
at 231lbs., "EXTREMELY BISEXUAL" BEAU MICHAELS!! His
partner, from Los Angeles, California, weighing in at
255lbs., he is the FWF National Heavyweight Champion, he is
POP CULTURE'S SUPERHERO!!" They are accompanied by the Lost
Hanson!"
(The crowd issues forth a hurricane force howling of boos
as the three men, or two men and one bi, make their way to
the ring amidst obscenities and flying garbage. They are
smiling all the way to the ring. They enter the ring and
PCS flaunts his belt proudly as Michaels giggles at his
antics and does his bite thing)
P.K.: "And their opponents." (CUE-UP: "The Good, the Bad,
and the Ugly" by Ennio Marricone. A loud motorcycle noise
is heard) "From Wherever the hell he wants to hail from,
weighing in at 265lbs., NEVADA SMITH!! And his partner,
from Montreal, Quebec, weighing in at 245lbs., the FWF
Frontier Champion, JEAN RABEQSUE!!"
(The crowd pops something fierce as Nevada Smith roars in
on his Harley Fat Boy, with Rabesque riding on the back
holding on to the bitch bar. The crowd gets even louder as
Smith parks the bike, storms the ring, and clears out PCS,
Michaels, and the Lost Hanson!"
TONY ROSS: "Fans, this is the Main Event! And what an event
its going to be! Smith has already cleared the ring and the
Gund Arena is going ballistic!"
JAKE SHADES: "These people need to shut the hell up and pay
Nevada his proper respect, not chanting his name and
everything else! I can't believe he's lowered himself to
team up with the Quebec Queer!"
VICTOR ALVAREZ: "These two are no strangers, they obviously
trust each other and that's why they're here tonight in the
Main Event!"
T.R.: "You can just feel the intensity in the air here!
There's so much riding on this match! Smith was arrested
earlier in the night and Rabesque went and bailed him out!
We know that JC called the police on Nevada, but Carnivore
did not press charges against him! Nevada and Rabesque made
it back to the ring in time for this match! We do know that
JC is in the building, so anything can happen!"
J.S.: "Yes, JC is in the building, and something ALWAYS
happens when JC is in the building!"
T.R.: "We will wait and see about that! PCS and Michaels
are having a huddle on the outside as they try and regroup
after Nevada's attack! Rabesque is none to happy with
Nevada after the events of tonight, but they look ready to
go! It looks like Michaels is going to start it off with
Nevada! Michaels enters the ring and starts prancing
around and making kissy-faces at Nevada! Nevada spits on
him! Michaels rushes him and takes a knee to the gut
followed by a swift chop to the chest that sends Michaels
flying into the corner! The crowd loves it!!"
V.A.: "One thing you do not do is play games with Nevada
Smith! Michaels better get serious very quickly here!"
JAKE SHADES: "Don't worry, Vicky, PCS has everything under
control!"
TONY ROSS: "PCS is busy showing everybody his PCS Sprint
phone! He has it at ringside with him! Let's hope it
doesn't get involved! Michaels back up and he locks up with
Smith! Micheals with a headlock but Smith pushes off and
sends him into the ropes! Stiff shoulderblock sends
Michaels once again!"
J.S.: "Michaels is used to going down!"
VICTOR ALVAREZ: "Michaels is clearly outmatches in strength
and brawling ability! He better have some kind of plan
here!"
J.S.: "PCS always has some kind of plan!"
T.R.: "Smith drags Michaels to his feet and ohhh!! What a
low blow by Michaels! Smith is staggered and as a look of
deadly pain on his face! Smith is disorientated and falls
to the mat! Michaels tags in PCS! The National Champion is
in and he's greeted with thunderous boos! He raises his
arms as if to acknowledge the fans reaction! PCS pulls
Nevada to his feet and slams him down! he comes off the
ropes with a theatrical elbow and misses!"
V.A.: "PCS took way too much time to make that elbow a lot
more graceful than it should have been!"
J.S.: "Hey, PCS likes to look good!"
T.R.: "Nevada gets to his feet and starts punching PCS
viciously! Nevada looks like a boxer in there as he works
over PCS! Nevada tags in Rabesque and the fans react! he
comes in and levels PCS with a well-placed sidekick! He
hits a legdrop on PCS and covers!! 1-2-Kickout!! Michaels
was ready to make the save there! Rabesque lifts PCS up and
whips him in! Reversal! PCS knees Rabesque in the gut and
he does a 360 in midair! PCS drops an elbow! He gets up and
drags Rabesque to the corner where PCS and Michaels double
team Rabesque! Even the Lost Hanson is getting in on the
act!"
V.A.: "Here comes Nevada Smith!"
T.R.: "He almost runs over Willie Bennett, but Willie
stands his ground and forces Nevada back into the corner!
Nevada points and yells at the triple-teaming going on and
Bennett looks and Nevada charges right around him!! Ohhh!!!
Smith just rammed PCS right over the ropes and sent
Michaels off the apron!! He tries to kick at Hanson but he
runs for cover!!"
V.A.: "That's how you stop interference!"
J.S.: "Yeah, it was a good move by Nevada, but PCS will
make him pay for it!"
T.R.: "You must be really divided emotionally over this
match, Jake!"
J.S.: "I show no favoritism!"
T.R.: "What a crock! PCS gets off the mat only to be met
with a Rabesque right hand! He follows it with left jabs
and another right but PCS blocks and kicks Rabesque in the
stomach! Bulldog by PCS! He tags in Michaels!"
V.A.: "Both of these teams consist of primarily singles
wrestlers, but they will have to use teamwork to get a win
here tonight!"
TONY ROSS: "Michaels is in and he grabs Rabesque by the
hair and stares at him before he drops him with a double
chop to the throat! Michaels is strutting around the ring
now, checking out the crowd! Ohh!! he just walked into a
Nevada Smith clothesline out of nowhere!! Where did he come
from!!?"
VICTOR ALVAREZ: "Smith is definitely frustrating Bennett
with his tactics tonight!"
JAKE SHADES: "Hell, 4th Grade Math frustrates Bennett!"
T.R.: "Willie Bennett is the FWF's senior referee and a
damn good one at that! Michaels recovers and pulls Rabesque
up and slams him down, followed by a fistdrop! He's choking
Rabesque, but it appears he's not even applying pressure!
he's using it as an excuse to ride on top of Rabesque!!
This is disgusting!! He pulls Rabesque to the corner and
now he and PCS work him over!"
V.A.: "PCS and Michaels are utilizing some great doubl
teaming here, but I don't think Smith will stand for it!"
J.S.: "Damnit, Nevada! Stay in your conrer!"
T.R.: "This time, Bennett caught him and sends him right
back as the Lost Hanson chokes Rabesque and PCS kicks at
him! A tag is made and the National Champion is back in! he
gets Rabesque to his feet and applies an abdominal stretch!
he's bending Rabesque to the limit here but he will not
quit!"
V.A.: "This is a good way to wear Rabesque down because he
has tremedous stamina!"
T.R.: "Rabesque armdrags PCS out of it!! These two will
meet at FWF Divide and Conquer '99! Rabesque tries to shake
the cobwebs off as the fans start clapping to get him
going! PCS takes a swing and and Rabesque ducks! Atomic
drop!! PCS plows right into Michaels and he falls off the
apron onto the Lost Hanson! PCS rebounds off the ropes and
gtes leveled with a clothesline!!"
J.S.: "Come on guys, don't let this pansy get to you! Just
keep Nevada out of the ring!"
V.A.: "Rabesque has virtually cleaned house here, but he
collapses to the mat and crawls for the corner!"
T.R.: "Rabesque crawls for the outstretched hand of Nevada
Smith! PCS tries to stop him!! Too late!! Nevada is in!!
Rights, lefts and a big boot sends PCS sprawling to the
mat! Michales runs in and gets powerslammed!! Hanson is on
the apron and he gets leveled!! Wow!! The crowd is going
ballistic here in Cleveland!"
J.S.: "I'm sick of this Mistake on the Lake! These people
have no respect for a great wrestler like PCS!"
T.R.: "Smith is pumped up here as he pulls PCS up and hits
a suplex! A cover!! 1-2-No! Smith gets on top of PCS and
starts whaling away on his head! PCS rolls him up!!
1-2-Kickout!! Smith right up and levels PCS with a forearm!"
V.A.: "PCS is puting up a fight, but how much longer can he
last with the bar brawling biker Nevada Smith!"
J.S.: "PCS can last as long as he wants with him!"
T.R.: "Smith pulls PCS up and has him up for a back suplex!
Michaels runs in and tries to block it! Rabesque heads him
off at the pass!"
TONY ROSS: "Nevada is still holding PCS up in a back
suplex!! Rabesque goes up top!! Flying clothesline!! He
connects as Smith drops him on his neck!! Smith pins!!
1-2-3!!! He got him!! Nevada Smith has just pinned the FWF
National Champion!! Rabesque and Smith get the win here in
the main event!!"
JAKE SHADES: "That's bullcrap!! Rabesque came in and
blatantly interfered! There's no way Smith would have
pinned him without Rabesque's help! I'm sick and tired of
these jack ass fan favorites getting away with whatever
they want!!"
T.R.: "But Jake, that's your boy Nevada Smith in there!"
J.S.: "Screw him!! Ever since the fans started liking him,
he's changed!"
T.R.: "Nevada and Rabesque celebrate as the fans are going
nuts here in Cleveland! What a night, what a match! And now
we go to the Crescent City for Divide and Conquer '99!!"
(Just then, the lights go out and a spotlight shines on the
ring entrance. Minion and Big Rodge come charging from the
curtains and they are followed by JC and two large masked
men. Rodge and Minion hit the ring)
T.R.: "What is this!!? Big Rodge and Minion jump Smith and
Rabesque from behind!! Ohh!! What a savage attack! Minion
and Rodge are pounding on them and now they turn their
attention to PCS and Michaels and they dump them to the
outside!! They go out after PCS and Micheals!!"
V.A.: "Who are these two masked men! They are huge and very
muscular! They're approaching Smith and Rabesque!"
T.R.: "One of them grabs Smith and applies a half-nelson
claw!! My God, that's the MORTAL SIN!! And the other pulls
Rabesque up and hits him with.....a SLINGSHOT BRAINBUSTER!!
Tell me the rumors aren't true!!"
J.S. "The rumors are true, Ross! Maelstrom and King Krusher
are here, and they are with JC!! Goodbye FWF, your days are
numbered!!"
T.R.: "This can't be! The one applying the Mortal Sin does
resemble Maelstrom greatly, but the other one has a darker
skin tone than King Krusher and is slightly bulkier! I'm
not sure about this!!"
J.S.: "Believe it Ross, the NEH is gonna bring the FWF to
its knees!!
T.R.: "The masked man lets off Smith as he and
Rabesque lie lifeless in the ring as JC parades proudly
around the ring! PCS and Michaels are out cold on the
outside!! Fans, we have to go, be sure to get FWF Divide
and Conquer '99!! So long from Cleveland!!"
(Fade to an FWF and ESPN2 logo)