Dodger Stadium - Promoter Adam Simoneau
DODGER STADIUM BATTLEGROUND
{FADEIN: BLACK SCREEN}
{Flaming letters appear}
F......
W......
F......
......dare the unknown........
{FADEOUT}
{CUEUP: "Right Now" by Van Halen}
TONY ROSS: "The gauntlet...has been thrown down..."
{FADEIN to Anarky at Chicago's Frontier Madness}
ANARKY (REC): "Just like I said I would... I came to the FWF, and I have destroyed the competition, one by one...."
"....I do WHAT I WANT, WHEN I WANT, and HOW I WANT TO DO IT. I wanted to prove that I've been in CONTROL since the moment I walked into the ring...."
"....But I'm not here to brag, Sage...""....we're not going to do this little title showdown tonight. Or at Battleground...."
"....We're going to do this the way it SHOULD BE DONE...""....We're going to do it on PAY-PER-VIEW. And it's going to be a LADDER MATCH for BOTH TITLES....."
{CUTTO: Later in the show. Anarky and Sage are eye-to-eye at the announce table with their respective title belts.}
ANARKY (REC): ..."THIS... (takes the World belt off his waist and holds it up in the air, as the jewel encrusted facade glitters in the studio lights) this is what it's all about. This is the TOP belt in the FWF, representing the entire world, not just this God-forsaken country. This belt means that *I* am the best professional wrestling has to offer. This belt means *I* am the top dog..."
BLACK SAGE (REC): ...."Well, THIS..(Sage takes the belt off his shoulders and holds it up) THIS belt represents TRADITION and HARD WORK. Guys like Nevada Smith, Billy Matthews, and yes, even Asylum have all worn this belt proudly and dropped blood, sweat and tears for it...."
"...there's only one way to settle this then, and I guess we'll have to take it to the ring at the next Pay-Per-View! I accept your challenge, Anarky!"
ANARKY (REC): "To hell with that, let's not wait for the PPV! Let's do it now!!"
(With that, both men drop their mics and start pounding on each other.)
{FADETO: BLACK SCREEN}
TONY ROSS: "It appears written in the stars, set in stone. Black Sage versus Anarky. Title for Title....
{FADEIN to a pair of eyes peering out at us from behind a few strands of oily, wet hair.}
"But tonight, one man stands defiant of this conclusion. Once, he had a hand in writing FWF history, and now, he embraces the opportunity to *rewrite* a seemingly inevitable future...."
{CUTTO: June 5th, 1999 - Houston BattleGround - Billy Matthews vs. Pop Culture Superhero}
(The Lost Hanson drills PCS with a chairshot intended for Matthews)
TONY ROSS (REC): "...Stu turns as Matthews DROPS on PCS! Stu DROPS! The COVER!
JAKE SHADES (REC): NOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooo! DAMN YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUuu! GET UP PCS! GET UP! NOOOOOOOOoooooooooooo!
TONY ROSS (REC): ONE! TWO! THREE! WE HAVE A NEW NATIONAL CHAMPION!
{Audio attenuates. FADETO: BLACK SCREEN}
TONY ROSS: "A renewed focus has put Billy Matthews back in the title picture, and tonight, he looks to derail a freight train, Black Sage - the FWF National Champion. To do it, would upset a future once thought unchangable, set the world of professional wrestling on its ear, and validate a single cherished conviction...."
{CUTTO: Closeup of Matthews's face - his eyes}
BILLY MATTHEWS (REC): ..."the fed needs me, and I need the title to show them I'm still Billy Matthews, the BEST GOD DAMN THING THE FWF HAS TO OFFER..."
{FADEOUT}
{CUEUP: "Violet High" by Cyclefly.}
{FADEIN to a panoramic view of Dodger Stadium, Chavez Ravine, Los Angeles, California. We do a slow pan of the near capacity crowd in the baseball seats. Over the lip of the stadium, we can see the tips of the San Gabriel Mountains to the far north. INSIDE the stadium, the fans are going ABSOLUTELY BESERK!!! TENS of THOUSANDS of signs are hoisted HIGH in the air all across the MASS of people in the stands and on the grass seats. It's just before dusk in L.A., and the stadium lights are on to complement the FWF lighting structure high above the ring. We CUTTO various shots around the stadium with SCREAMING fans holding up their signs. Most are crude. Others are rather inventive.}
CUTTO: **SCREW BUSH AND GORE! VOTE RAYGAN IN Y2K!!!**
CUTTO: **HOW DO YOU SPELL L.A.???**
CUTTO: **I HATE THE DODGERS**
CUTTO: **IT'S MILLER TIME**
CUTTO: **PEOPLE LIKE US NEED HOBBIES**
{CUTTO: PYRO!!!!! FIREWORKS!!! BANG! BANG! BANG! LOOKOUT!!! The camera begins swinging around the stadium recording the insanity for the viewers at home, and after a moment we hear the voice of TONY ROSS above the din....}
TONY ROSS: "ON A NIGHT WHERE *FOUR* CHAMPIONSHIPS WILL BE UP FOR GRABS, WELCOME....TO CHAVEZ RAVINE in The City of Lost Angels - Los Angeles, California!! WELCOME...to DODGER STADIUM!! And Welcome to the *premier* of the Summer Stadium Series - BATTLEGROUND!!!!
(The camera stops spinning and finally being to focus the ringside announce table, where the usual suspects - TONY ROSS and JAKE SHADES are seated and ready to go. Well.....at least Tony is. We get the impression that Jake only just woke up as the show hit the air. He looks utterly bored and annoyed with the commotion)
TONY ROSS: "DODGER STADIUM - Home to one of the more successful baseball franchises of the 20th century!! EIGHT National League Pennants to go along with *FOUR* World Championships for the Dodgers, and tonight, another milestone for this facility, as the FWF kicks off it's SUMMER STADIUM SERIES with BATTLEGROUND!!
JAKE SHADES: "BAH! 4 titles in 40 years! You know what that means, Ross? It means that once a decade, this sorry excuse for a baseball franchise sells enough hotdogs and overpriced Sheffield jerseys to BUY itself a championship and keep the Dodgers from going out the way of the RAMS and the RAIDERS!! HA HA!!"
TONY ROSS: (sighing) "As if he needed or *deserved* any introduction, my collegue tonight, as always is Jake Shades, and I'm Tony Ross. Glad to have you aboard tonight fans. And I hope you're buckled in, folks, because tonight promises to be a ride you will not soon forg--"
JAKE SHADES: (interuppting) "Oh Christ Tony, would you PLEASE stop with the phony buildup cliches...(imitating Tony)..."Hold on to your hats folks, it's gonna be a bumpy ride, don'cha know"...(sighs)...And anyway, if we're gonna talk about CHAMPIONS, why not make mention of the GENUINE article....(smirking)...
TONY ROSS: "Yes indeed, I would be remiss if I didn't mention that it's been a good time to be an L.A. sports fan recently. Only days ago, the LAKERS gutted out a victory in Game 6 against the Indiana Pacers to claim their first NBA Championship since 1988, and I know, much to the delight of their #1 (coughsfairweathercough) fan, Jake Shades....."
JAKE SHADES: "You're DAMN right! You ever seen Star Trek, Tony?"
TONY ROSS: "Well.....yeah, I guess..."
JAKE SHADES: "Doesn't Reggie Miller look like a Ferengi?"
TONY ROSS: "Oh for God sakes...."
JAKE SHADES: "Well he DOES! I mean, LOOK at him! Jesus, I want to start calling him QUARK! Anyway, the truth hurts if you're a Hoosier. Shaq and Kobe mopped the floor with those twits from Indianapolis, and sent "Larry Legend" packin' one mo' time!! (He stands up and gestures around him) Now, you think THIS is excitement?!? You shoulda seen the party we threw that night!
TONY ROSS: "Yeah Jake, that reminds me. When's your hearing scheduled?"
JAKE SHADES: (sitting down abruptly) "Oh that's real cute, Tony. Let me tell you something You don't know how UGLY police brutality really is."
TONY ROSS: "Well see, if you had been wearing PANTS at the time, the nightstick might not have left those bruises."
JAKE SHADES: (going beet red) "SHUT UP Tony!!
TONY ROSS: (stifling his laughter) "I have a feeling this may be a long night for Jake, folks. But before we get to the action, let's go into the ring with Paul Kramer for a very special introduction...."
(CUTTO: PAUL KRAMER, in the ring, mic in hand. The bell rings, and the crowd quiets some)
PAUL KRAMER: "LADIES and GENTLEMEN, at this time, I have a very SPECIAL introduction. The BattleGround television production team has collaborated with the executive officers of the FWF and chosen a NEW television color commentator.....
{CUEUP: "Foxy Lady" by Jimi Hendrix}
....Ladies and Gentlemen.....being escorted DOWN the AISLE by FWF Co-Owner, SCOTT MALEC, the NEWEST ADDITION to the FWF broadcast team.......LADY......VEROOOONNNNNICAAA!!"
(Malec and Veronica emerge from behind the curtain to a loud, respectful ovation from the crowd. Both are smiling broadly - Malec in his usual dress shirt, pants and jacket, while "Lady V" is wearing a black blouse, with a black knee-length skirt. Her hair is neatly styled, and around her neck she sports a beautiful diamond necklace and earrings.)
JAKE SHADES: "What the HELL?? ROSS, did you KNOW anything about this?"
TONY ROSS: (applauding) "Of COURSE I did, you moron! And so did you! Remember Frontier Madness?
JAKE SHADES: "But..but.....I thought I VETOED this!"
TONY ROSS: "You did that too! For all the good it did...."
(Malec holds the ropes open for Veronica to step through. In the ring, she waves at the fans, smiling all the while. A few ringside fans respond with good-natured wolf whistles.)
JAKE SHADES: "God DAMMIT Ross, I'm SERIOUS!! I'm not gonna PUT UP with this CRAP!! Blatant NEPOTISM, that's all this is! I mean, SERIOUSLY Tony, I hated Victor Alvarez as much as the next guy, but who the HELL thought that this...this...*WOMAN*...would be any kind of replacement?!? HUH??
TONY ROSS: "For God's sake Jake, would you SHUT UP? They're headed this way..."
(Malec again holds open the ropes for Veronica's exit and helps her down off the apron. Malec leads her down towards the broadcast booth.)
JAKE SHADES: "Ross, I'm warning you...."
TONY ROSS: "Don't warn ME. (points at the approaching Malec) Warn HIM."
(Malec reaches the broadcast booth and takes a mic. He turns and mouths "One minute" to Veronica behind him. She stops, the smile still on her face)
SCOTT MALEC: "Warn me of what, Jake?"
JAKE SHADES: (practically blustering) "Yo--you listen to me Malec....I don't care who you THINK you are, there's no GODDAMN way this is gonna happen!! Not tonight, and not any othe-----"
(Jake doesn't get another word out. In one motion, Malec drops the mic and reaches across the table. He snags Jake by the lapels of his wrinkled dress shirt, and with deceptive strength, PULLS HIM across and ONTO the table, face-up. The crowd POPS HARDCORE! Jake struggles VIOLENTLY with him, but Malec slams Jake's head into the table a couple times, until all he can do is look up with a slightly dazed look on his face...)
SCOTT MALEC: (taking the mic again, his voice calm, but slightly tense) "Jake, I want you to listen to me.....(in the background, we can hear a small chant of "Kick his a**")....Jake, in case you had forgotten...AGAIN...I am the part owner of the company that employs you, and need I remind you, the company that has kept you out of God-knows-how-many jail cells across America over the past few years.....FURTHERMORE, with the blessing and approval of Joe LeBron, I have decided that Lady Veronica WILL assume the role of color commentator for all FWF television broadcasts and pay-per-views, until further notice. THAT is the fact of the matter, and THAT will NOT change.....(crowd noise rises)......But this is your ONE warning, Jake.....documented on national television, so try not to forget it....(He bends down closer to Jake's face, and his voice drops to a near whisper)...I'll be watching your performance from the lockerroom, Jake, and If you step out of line (screaming) **EVEN ONCE**...(Jake tenses and shudders. Crowd pops again)...with that young lady behind me.....(Malec actually grins)....I will PERSONALLY come out here, come back behind this table.......and *END*.....your television career.......(The crowd noise rises again)......Is any of this unclear to you, Jake?......"
(Jake can only shake his head no. His eyes are wide.)
SCOTT MALEC: (patting Jake's cheek) "Well alright...."
(He straightens up, adjusts the cuff's of his wrists, and his collar. He turns back to Veronica, who's brilliant smile has not changed, and escorts her around the table to her seat, on the left end, next to Ross. Malec gently busses her on the cheek and Tony pulls out the chair for her to sit. She does, takes a headset, puts it on and adjusts it. Malec turns and begins to walk back toward the lockerroom, accompanied by a loud from the crowd. There's a hint of a smile on his face as he goes. Jake Shades has yet to move from his place on the table, and only stares up at the open sky with a dazed, confused look.)
TONY ROSS: "Well.....I guess all I can say at this point is welcome, Lady Veronica to the FWF broadcast booth and BattleGround!
LADY VERONICA: (chuckling) "Hi Tony...I guess I'm glad to finally get to put my background in television and broadcasting to good use. How's everybody doing tonight?
TONY ROSS: "Very well, thank you! For the fans at home, Lady Veronica comes to us tonight with a four-year bachelor's degree in broadcast journalism from New York University! In addition to that, she has gained invaluable experience doing play-by-play and analyst work for her alma mater's intercollegiate sporting events!"
LADY VERONICA: "I've got the credentials, there's no doubt about that. I guess my only regret is that my opportunity had to come from such unfortunate circumstances. But I'm here, and doing what I love to do.....Um....Jake? Jake, could you move your head please? You're blocking my monitor..."
TONY ROSS: "You'll have to forgive Jake for not saying hello. He's having a bad day...."
LADY VERONICA: (chuckling again) "I guess I can understand that. Well, while he's getting himself together, we've got a fantastic line-up of matches on tap tonight.
TONY ROSS: "Absolutely, we most definitely do. I guess it's no secret the FWF roster has been a little banged up lately, and it's a true testament to the federation itself that they can still draw a crowd like this in a building with the size and *prestige* of Dodger Stadium!"
LADY VERONICA: "Of course, and tonight they will be treated to what is sure to be an epic battle for the FWF National Championship! In our main event, Black Sage will defend his title against a former National Champion - Billy Matthews!"
TONY ROSS: "Sage of course, is coming off a HUGE victory at World Impact last March 24th, recapturing the National Title in a classic 4-way Torture Chamber Cage match. In that match Matthews and Sage brawled VICIOUSLY before Sage was able to pull out that victory. Tonight, we get to see it one more time, and SO MUCH rides on the outcome tonight...."
LADY VERONICA: "That might be a huge understatement Tony. We know that Anarky and Sage have been at each other's throats recently, and the FWF has already penciled in a Title for Title Ladder Match at the next pay-per-view. But if Matthews can upset Sage tonight and win the back the National Championship, who KNOW's where those plans will end up..."
TONY ROSS: "And we already know where Doc Silver and Company stand in all this. But now it's a question of WHAT ARE THEY PREPARED TO DO to make sure Anarky doesn't come up with the short end of the stick. As focused as Black Sage says he is, you know this has to be preying on his mind as he goes into this crucial title defense..."
(As Tony and Veronica talk, Jake is s-l-o-w-l-y gathering himself and trying to get back to his seat)
LADY VERONICA: "And speaking of Anarky, he also has something lined up for tonight. In tag team action, Anarky and Gladiator will team up and lock horns with the New Breed, Kevin Kearns and Darren MacMillan!"
TONY ROSS: "Big questions surround the former Tag Team Champions tonight, in their first appearance since losing the tag straps to the Cat Pack at World Impact last month. If you'll remember, Darren MacMillan performed one of the more SUICIDAL maneuvers in wrestling history, when hit a FLYING BODY PRESS off the top of the scaffold onto Black Cat, and it was Kevin Kearns who fell *30 FEET* from the top of the scaffold to end the match. As I recall, MacMillan was stretchered out of the arena, and the rumor is that he suffered an injury to his BACK. Although they are CONFIRMED to be in the building tonight, neither Kearns nor MacMillan have been seen in over a MONTH. They may not be 100% tonight, and on top of that, they've drawn a massive test tonight in the form of Gladiator and the FWF World Champion!"
(Jake has FINALLY made it back to his seat. He no longer looks dazed. He just stares straight ahead, breathing heavy.)
LADY VERONICA: (eyeing Jake) "While it looks like Jake is pulling himself together, our attention turns to the Cat Pack. Coming off a successful defense of the Tag Team Championship at Frontier Madness, Copycat and Black Cat will put the titles up once again tonight against the #2 contenders, The Candidates!"
TONY ROSS: "The Candidates are two rather unorthadox personalities, but regardless, they have compiled a very impressive record, and they have definitely EARNED their shot tonight! Jake, now that you seem to have your wits about you, would you care to comment on The Candidate's chances tonight?"
JAKE SHADES: (still staring straight ahead) ".....No..."
TONY ROSS: "Works for me. What do think Veronica?"
LADY VERONICA: (smiling) "Sure, I can live with that......(clears throat)...In a THIRD of our 4 championship matches tonight, we'll see the Extreme Ring up for grabs as well. The current Ringholder, Suicide King will make his *first* defense of that title against Nemesis!"
TONY ROSS: "Suicide King won the vacant title at World Impact, in an incredible battle against JD Badluck. But at a house card in San Diego late last month, Nemesis made it known that he was gunning for Suicide King and the Extreme Ring. Tonight, he will get his shot at both..."
LADY VERONICA: "Remember, at the house card in Peoria, Illinois last March 11th, these two men went at in another brutal battle, one that ended in a time-limit draw. And of all the wrestlers on the FWF roster, Nemesis may be the most "fan-friendly" of them. On paper, his demeanor suggests he's a bit of a MISMATCH for the Extreme Ring, but his in-ring style makes him anything BUT! But we all know that Suicide King has been in there and gutted it out with some of the BEST this federation has to offer, and certainly DESERVES to be where he's at today. We expect to see nothing less than another classic *extreme* matchup, and I really can't decide who has the edge!"
TONY ROSS: (a small smile comes to his lips) "I wonder if Jake has an opinion...."
(Jake continues to stare straight ahead, with the same tense look on his face.)
TONY ROSS: "Guess not..."
LADY VERONICA: "Well, as long as MY opinion counts for something, I have to say that the one match that I'm most looking forward to tonight has to be Nevada Smith and Ricky Kabe! These two were originally set to meet at World Impact, but unfortunately that match was cancelled when Kabe's plane was delayed coming into San Jose. But as you know, the story didn't end there, as Billy Matthews emerged from the dressing room for a little heart-to-heart with Nevada, a discussion which ended with Nevada being ARRESTED!"
TONY ROSS: "Matthews had some very interesting words for Nevada in that confrontation, and a lot of questions still loom over him in regards to his working relationship with FWF Co-Owners, Scott Malec and Joe LeBron! But that aside, you know Matthews and Nevada have their history together, and so do Matthews and Kabe in the opposite respect. Nevada has a great deal to consider tonight, and this could affect his performance in this all-important match!"
LADY VERONICA: "From there, we go to yet another title match! Tonight, Jobber and Maxwell Houz, the two "runners-up" if you will in the World Title Tournament Final, go one-on-one for the VACANT FWF Frontier Championship!"
TONY ROSS: In a match that would normally be about the participants, this title match may be more about the Frontier Title itself! Anarky officially vacated the championship after his World Title victory, though he has yet to relinquish POSESSION of the title belt..."
LADY VERONICA: "Well, if you'll remember Tony, Anarky made a rather bold statement at Frontier Madness, when he said the title wasn't vacated until "he said so". Regardless of who's word is going to stick on this issue. We will see a new Frontier Champion crowned this evening, and if it's in the FWF's power, the new champion WILL be presented with his title belt tonight!"
TONY ROSS: "Two more LIVE matches round out the undercard this evening, Veronica, and in addition we will show highlights of two DARK matches held earlier this evening. Tonight, JD Badluck goes up against Lars Magellan. Badluck is coming off a victory in practically RECORD time at Frontier Madness, and while Lars may be in a bit of denial, he is looking to REBOUND from his first defeat at the house card in San Diego last month."
LADY VERONICA: "And in our LIVE opening contest, coming at you following the commercial break, HACKER will lock up with a young man making his FWF DEBUT tonight in Los Angeles, Nick Kurtel!"
TONY ROSS: "What a night to kick off the Summer Stadium Series, and there may not be a better place than in Dodger Stadium! Tonight's attendence is sure to rival that of any crowd for an FWF event, and as soon as we have figure to report, we'll be sure to do that! For now, we have to take a quick commerical break, and after that we'll present our opening contest! And hopefully, we can get Jake some water during the break, so that he might start EARNING his bail money for a change. Fans, don't you go ANYWHERE! Our opening contest...is NEXT!!"
{FADETO: A commercial promoting the L.A. Dodgers upcoming homestand. Tickets still available. Order now through Ticketmaster or through Dodger's Online Ticketing (http://www.ladodgers.com) VISA, MasterCard, and Diner's Club cards accepted}
{FADEIN to Lady V, Tony Ross, and Jake Shades seated at the broadcast table. Jake has a plastic cup in front of him.}
TONY ROSS: "Welcome back fans to Dodger Stadium and BATTLEGROUND where we are ready to kick off tonight's card with our opening contest! But first, let's go back earlier this evening. Before we hit the air, the fans already in attendence were treated to a pair of DARK matches an--"
JAKE SHADES: (interrupting) "For the instructional benefit of the 18 people who snuck in three hours before bell time, "dark matches" happen when the FWF brass can't afford to buy out the contracts of the talentless GOONS cluttering up the roster. They stick this assortment of ratings DEATH in matches before the cameras begin rolling, in the hopes that major injuries result that give Malec and LeBron legitimate reasons to cut them loose!"
TONY ROSS: (sarcastically) "Well welcome back, Jake Shades! Gosh, for a second there, you had me worried that you were going to leave us all alone to do this broadcast without you! Between Veronica and myself, how would we have been able to step up and do match analysis on the level that we're so used to coming from you?"
JAKE SHADES: (sneering) "It's that simple Ross - You CAN'T! It has been made very clear to me tonight that the FWF higher-ups, and Malec in particular can't DEAL with the fact that I'm an essential part of this broadcast team!"
LADY VERONICA: "Jake, pardon me for saying so, but Scotty basically had you pissing your pants!"
JAKE SHADES: "Scotty? SCOTTY?? BWA HA HA HA HA! Oh My God, that's BEAUTIFUL! Seriously, can you get him to come back out here? I wanna hear you call him SCOTTY!" BWA HAHAHAHAA!!" (Jake slaps the table as he laughs)
{CUTTO: clips of Licensed To Kill vs. Franchise's Dream, shot with a handheld camera from ringside. In the background are rows and rows of empty seats.}
JAKE SHADES: (V/O) "You're damn RIGHT it "bore little resemblance" to a match! In fact, the way things turned out, it was more of a MISmatch!"
LADY VERONICA: (V/O) "Both teams were coming off losses to the Cat Pack over the last several weeks, and Licensed to Kill in particular seemed anxious to unload some of their frustrations on their opponents..."
(CUTTO: Franchise's Dream - Lance Turner and Danny Gable on their way down the aisle, followed closely by Codie Thompson. In the background, we hear "Eye of the Tiger" by Survivor. Licensed To Kill, already in the ring, suddenly cut through the ropes and bolt up the aisle)
TONY ROSS: (V/O) "Harrington and Caitiff both seemed intent on brawling rather than wrestling tonight, which is more their style, given their long history together. Initially the fight stayed in the aisleway, then actually SPILLED OUT into the seats already set up on the grass FIELD."
(CUTTO: Caitiff and Turner slugging it out amidst the seats in what would normally be shallow right field. Back in the aisle, Gable has Harrington pinned up agains the guardrail and is choking him down. Referee Sal Putz seems a little lost in all of this action.)
LADY VERONICA: (V/O) "Gable and Turner did well to hold their ground against Harrington and Caitiff who had the weight advantage, not to mention were the significantly more aggressive team out of the box!"
TONY ROSS: (V/O) "But as time wore on you could see that L.T.K. was beginning to wear out Franchise's Dream. Keep in mind that the bell has yet to RING at this point is basically a sanctioned STREET FIGHT."
JAKE SHADES: (V/O) "DAMN, I wish I had been awake to see this. I tell ya, it always does my heart GOOD to see legitimate wrestlers get their AS(FCC)ES handed to them by a couple of street thugs!"
LADY VERONICA: (V/O) "Also definitely worth noting is the presence of Codie Thompson at ringside, tragically confined to a wheelchair after a paralyzing in-ring accident in the Orient. Thankfully, he was able to stay out of the way in this one...."
JAKE SHADES: (V/O) "Wait a second! Are you telling me that we had an HONEST-To-GOD, GENUINE CRIPPLE out here earlier, and I missed it?!?!
TONY ROSS: (V/O) (sighing) "The match officially got underway several minutes later when Harrington rolled Turner into the ring, and Referee Sal Putz took the opportunity to signal for the bell."
LADY VERONICA: (V/O) "Not the sweetest sound Franchise's Dream could hope to hear, as they were essentially being dominated at this point, though still trying to hang tough. Rules were being broken left and right by BOTH teams, and you can see that even the somewhat timid Sal Putz was getting fed up by the tactics used!"
(CUTTO: Sal Putz shouting orders at both teams to get back into the ring and fight clean.)
TONY ROSS: (V/O) "Despite the warnings from Putz, Licensed To Kill would continue using dirty tactics, and as you'll see, their brazen behavior forced a mistake that would cost them certain victory...."
(CUTTO: Harrington, Caitiff, Gable and Sal Putz in the ring. Gable seems to be out on his feet. Both Harrington and Caitiff have steel chairs and preparing to tee off. Turner is outside the ring, in obvious pain, being attended to by Codie Thompson. Harrington winds up with the chair, but Gable PULLS Sal Putz into his path...(SFX: CRACK!!)...Putz takes the chair right between the eyes!)
JAKE SHADES: (V/O) "YEAH!!!! You're DAMN RIGHT!! Meddling ref got what he DESERVED!! I can't BELIEVE I SLEPT THROUGH THIS!!"
(Caitiff makes up for the mistake by drilling Gable in the back of the head, putting him down and out. Harrington pulls Gable up and goes to the top rope with him, while Caitiff positions the chair on the floor. From the top rope, Harrington executes a near-perfect INVERTED PILEDRIVER...)
LADY VERONICA: (V/O) "After hitting that UNBELIEVABLE move - the License To Kill, it was hard to tell whether Gable was unconscious or dead...Regardless, Caitiff suceeded in reviving Sal Putz for the academic pinfall, but instead, Sal motioned for the bell to ring!"
JAKE SHADES: (V/O) "Huh?"
TONY ROSS: "After a moment of confusion, this fiasco was ruled a DOUBLE DISQUALIFICATION!"
JAKE SHADES: (V/O) "What the HELL?? That's RIDICULOUS!!
LADY VERONICA: (V/O) "Harrington and Caitiff apparantly agreed with you, Jake, as they wasted NO time going after Sal Putz, who luckily took his cue and scampered off. Unfortunately, Franchise's Dream was not so lucky. Both Danny Gable and Lance Turner were stretchered out of the arena to waiting ambulances, and early reports confirm that Danny Gable suffered mild head and neck TRAUMA from that devestating finisher. They will both be out of action for quite some time."
JAKE SHADES: (V/O) "Fantastic. Though I suppose with my luck, all three of them will be back next week, rolling around in matching wheelchairs. The killer combo of Christopher Reeves, Stephen Hawking, and Larry Flint, here to take the FWF by STORM! HA!"
(CUTTO: The broadcast booth with Lady V, Tony and Jake)
TONY ROSS: (shakes his head) "And with that closing remark, let's send it up to Paul Kramer for our opening contest...."
{SFX: DINGDINGDING}
(CUTTO: Paul Kramer at center-ring, mic in hand)
PAUL KRAMER: "Ladies and Gentlemen, the following contest is scheduled for ONE FALL, with a 15 minute Time Limit...."
{CUEUP: "Leave You Far Behind" by Lunatic Calm}
PAUL KRAMER: "Making his FWF debut....from BOSTON, MASSACHUSETTS.....weighing 208 pounds.....NICK.....KURTELLLLLL!!!!"
(A fairly enthusiastic young man emerges from the curtain and starts down the aisle. He's wearing a pair of baggy, brown cargo pants, and a sleeveless black t-shirt. The crowd responds well to him, and he slaps a few hands as he jogs down the aisle. He rolls into the ring and climbs up a turnbuckle, his hands high in the air.)
TONY ROSS: "Nick Kurtel looking to be in good spirits for his FWF debut tonight! My sources tell me that he is a very amicable young man in the lockerroom, and one who enjoys taking RISKS in the ring..."
JAKE SHADES: "That's no surprise...especially when you consider this twit's FASHION SENSE!! Cargo pants are soooo 1998!"
{CUEUP: "When World's Collide" by Powermen 5000}
PAUL KRAMER: "Annd his opponent...being led down the aisle by DATA..........from The Internet....weighing in tonight at 280 pounds.....HACKERRRRRRRR!!
(A mixed reaction greets Hacker and Data - a few cheers and jeers for Hacker, and a lot of catcalls for DATA. Hacker wears his usual black tights and black mask. His manner is slow, he's taking his time in this one....)
TONY ROSS: "The first thing you're sure to notice in this one Veronica, is Hacker's SIGNIFICANT size advantage. Hacker has 10 inches on his opponent tonight, not to mention over *70* pounds!"
LADY VERONICA: "Tony, if you're more than a casual fan of FWF action, then you know that Hacker doesn't have the best win-loss record. But all the same, I still have to give him the advantage tonight. He has lots of in-ring experience to draw on, whereas Kurtel has virtually none!"
TONY ROSS: That's very true, Veronica. We have to see how the young man handles himself in there against a much larger opponent..."
{SFX: DINGDINGDING}
TONY ROSS: "There's the bell and we're underway! Kurtel dancing around the ring to start, looking for an opening, I would assume, and Hacker just watching and STALKING him.."
LADY VERONICA: "The key for Kurtel, Tony...is to AVOID matching power with Hacker. It's a foregone conclusion that Hacker is the stronger of the two in there, and that his strategy would be to PUNISH Kurtel and slowly grind him up!"
JAKE SHADES: "Don't forget, Data's out there too! And with a RACK like that, who knows what she can accomplish! Hehe.."
TONY ROSS: (sighing) "Hacker seems to be looking for a lockup, just like you said, Veronica. He's cutting the ring off on Kurtel, trying to FORCE him into that position....No wait! Hacker reached for him, but Kurtel ducked under him! Now, running off the ropes, back at Hacker - FLYING SHOULDERBLOCK!!"
LADY VERONICA: "Nice move by Kurtel, catching Hacker off-guard. Kurtel has keep the pace quick tonight Tony, and use moves like that! Kurtel now, moving quickly now, off the ropes again, RUNNING DROPKICK! Hacker knocked back in the corner, may be a little stunned here!"
TONY ROSS: "Kurtel wasting no time now, right on him in the corner, just HAMMERING on him now with chops and punches! I'm not sure Hacker was prepared for any of this! Now Kurtel looking for an irish whip....No, reversal by Hacker...no, another reverse and OH MY! Hacker just DRILLED Kurtel with a HUGE short-arm LARIAT!"
JAKE SHADES: "Haha! Beautiful! C'mon Hacker!"
TONY ROSS: "Now it's Hacker going to work here, stomping away at Kurtel, who's lying face down trying to collect himself! Hacker pulls him up, sends him off the ropes.....WOW! GORILLA PRESS maneuver.....and he just DROPS him! Kurtel may be in trouble here! And look at Data! You can tell she's pleased!"
LADY VERONICA: "Kurtel needs to create some distance now, Tony. Hacker has an impressive arsenal of power moves, and if he doesn't pull it together soon, we may not be here for long!"
JAKE SHADES: "It's bad enough that we have to suffer through the undercard as it is! I mean, we're not even 1/8 of the way through and it already feels like we've been on the air for 3 weeks! Kinda like the Golden Globes..."
TONY ROSS: "Nick Kurtel is on his knees here, at Hacker's MERCY. He's trying to FIGHT his way back up, but Hacker WILL NOT give him any ground! But LOOK at this exchange!! If this kid is gonna go down, he's gonna go down SWINGING!"
LADY VERONICA: "No doubt Nick Kurtel is trying to hang tough in there Tony, but this display is quickly turning into TARGET PRACTICE for Hacker! He is teeing off on Nick in there!"
TONY ROSS: "You can tell Hacker is really starting to enjoy this, Veronica. Lookit him and Data smiling.....Now he's starting to toy with Kurtel here....PAINT-BRUSHING him across the face! Not exactly tactics of a SPORTSMAN in there, but with his opponent in a compromised position, he can get away with this kind of thing...."
JAKE SHADES: "Now what is that IDIOT Diaper doing?"
TONY ROSS: "Nick Kurtel is virtually defenseless in there Jake, and Referee Danny Diaper has had enough of Hacker toying around with him! He is getting right in his face about it, an---WOAH!!! HACKER just shoved Danny Diaper 10 FEET ACROSS the RING!! This is RIDICULOUS!!! Folks, we might be looking at a disqua---LOW BLOW! LOW BLOW!! Nick Kurtel seized the opportunity with the referee's back turned, and DRILLED Hacker with a forearm RIGHT in the CROTCH!!"
LADY VERONICA: "Well that certainly woke the crowd up, at least the MEN in the audience! And LISTEN to them get behind Nick Kurtel here!"
TONY ROSS: "Nick now back to his feet, comes off the rope....Hacker, SWINGS and misses with another lariat! Kurtel now, off the opposite side.....Hacker, ANOTHER Gorilla Press move....but Kurtel snakes down into a SUNSET FLIP and rollup! 1...2..NO! Hacker beats the three that time! Kurtel wasting no time...off the ropes again. Hacker, head down, and Kurtel with a SWINGING NECKBREAKER!! Another cover - ONE..TWO...T--No!!"
LADY VERONICA: "Momentum definitely on Kurtel's side now Tony, but he has to be careful not to get carried away with emotion here! It'd be very easy to leave yourself open to a mistake that might cost you the match!"
JAKE SHADES: "C'mon Hacker! Get it together! This is L.A. and that twit is from "Bah-ston". You've got history on your side!"
TONY ROSS: "Veronica, YOURS was an excellent point as Kurtel pulls Hacker to his feet. Irish whip, and Kurtel off the ropes. KURTEL with a HURRACA----WAIT! WAIT! Hacker caught him mid-air!! And a POWERBOMB! POWERBOMB! What a DEVESTATING maneuver, and that should be it!"
LADY VERONICA: "A risky move on a man the size of Hacker, and a rookie mistake by Nick Kurtel, and it cost him here."
TONY ROSS: "Lateral press - One....Two....Three! And that's i--what? NO! NO! Danny Diaper said Nick Kurtel got a shoulder up!!! I Don't BELIEVE IT!!"
JAKE SHADES: "*YOU* don't believe it? What happened, did he have a nervous twitch or something??"
TONY ROSS: "That might not be too far off Jake, but at any rate, Hacker is FURIOUS at that call by Danny Diaper, and he's not going to let the him off the hook about it!"
LADY VERONICA: "But he might be missing the boat here Tony! While he's jawing with the referee, Nick Kurtel is beginning to pull himself together...."
JAKE SHADES: "Ah noooo Hacker, turn aroouund..."
TONY ROSS: "Kurtel back to his feet....Hacker turns and here he comes. Going for another lariat! Kurtel ducks under the arm and hits a WRAP-A-ROUND DDT!! What a GREAT MOVE by Nick Kurtel! LISTEN TO THIS CROWD ERUPT! Now Kurtel to the outside, and UP TO THE TOP, his arms HIGH IN THE AIR..."
LADY VERONICA: "This crowd is ON ITS FEET...."
TONY ROSS: THERE IT IS!! THERE IT IS!! A Reverse 450 Double Elbow Drop!!! He Calls it "THE FOLLY"!! Cover, leg hooked - ONE.....TWO.....THREE!! He GOT HIM!!!
(SFX: DINGDINGDING) {CUEUP: "Leave You Far Behind" by Lunatic Calm}
PAUL KRAMER: "The WINNER of this bout.........NICK......KUUUUUUURTEEEL!!"
LADY VERONICA: "Luck was on Nick Kurtel's side, Tony! Hacker turned his back a second too long, and it cost him the victory tonight! But you also have to give him credit for gutting it out earlier in the match when Hacker was in total control."
JAKE SHADES: "Bottom line - there was a LOW BLOW the referee missed, an kickout NOBODY saw, and a pretty piece of skydiving that he probably dreamed up while he was taking a piss! If that's all it takes to win a match in this day in age, then count me glad I retired!!"
TONY ROSS: "Retired? What do you mean, retired? As far as I know, the only thing you've ever retired was that collection of shot glasses in your apartment!"
JAKE SHADES: "Ross, "as far as you know" doesn't cover NEARLY as much ground as you'd like us all to think.."
TONY ROSS: "Of course, and you wouldn't be Jake Shades if you didn't FAIL to prove me wrong every time ou---Wait a minute! HANG ON a second, somebody just JUMPED the railing! THAT'S.....That's AJ Badluck!! And HERE come the BYW!! They apparantly had RINGSIDE seats just to our left! Kurtel sees them but it's TOO LATE! The BYW is in the ring and they're ALL OVER Nick Kurtel!!"
LADY VERONICA: "Tony, this attack might a bit of revenge for the BYW. If you'll remember at Frontier Madness, it was Nick Kurtel who came to the aid of the other Badluck brother, JD!"
JAKE SHADES: "This Kernel kid had this beating coming to him then! He's gotta learn where his place is in this federation, and where it ain't! And where it AIN'T, is in O.P.B. - Other Peoples' BUSINESS! Haha!"
(The fans pop HARD)
TONY ROSS: "Fans, it's 3-on-1 in there right now, and there's just no way Nick can--Hold on! IT'S JD BADLUCK, and he's on a BEELINE for the RING!! He's GOT A STEEL CHAIR!! The BYW doesn't see him and---(SFX: CRACK!!)...BANG!! *AJ* BADLUCK catches a CHAIRSHOT RIGHT TO THE BACK OF THE HEAD!!...(SFX: CRACK!!)...DITTO FOR WHITEDUST!!! And Bernard and Robot Boy get the HELL OUTA DODGE!!"
JAKE SHADES: "Oh, what a CROCK! What's THIS all about??"
LADY VERONICA: "Apparantly, JD decided turn-about was fair play tonight, and he made sure the BYW paid the price for a 3-on-1 gang beatdown!"
TONY ROSS: "Nick Kurtel is getting to his feet now! He looks like he's going to be okay, but LOOK at him! He's definitely NOT happy with what's happened! Now what? It looks like he's talking to JD Badluck at pointing down at *AJ*! What's going on here?"
LADY VERONICA: "Kurtel seems to be directing traffic in there, and whatever he has in mind, JD seems to be LIKING it!
JAKE SHADES: "Then the possibilities could truly be endless.."
TONY ROSS: "Kurtel pulls AJ up, now JD's perched up on the 2nd turnbuckle! Irish whip to the corner --OH MY GOD! SPIDER SPRINGER! A SPEAR from the 2nd Turnbuckle caught AJ Badluck FLUSH! JD almost CUT HIM IN HALF! But wait, I don't think Kurtel's done quite yet! Now HE'S going up top! Oh my, he's not gonna....*HOLY GOD!* ANOTHER "FOLLY"!! PERFECTLY executed!! And LISTEN to this CROWD!!"
JAKE SHADES: "I'm really starting to HATE that move...."
LADY VERONICA: "What a DISPLAY by Nick Kurtel in his FWF debut, and WHATTA way to kick off BattleGround tonight!! Fans, stay tuned, we've got PLENTY of action ahead, on the otherside of this commercial break! We'll be right back!"
{FADETO: A commercial hyping the next BattleGround, live from 3COM Park in San Francisco, California. Check back with http://fantasywrestling.com/cgi-local/fw/fw.cgi?az=list&forum=fwf1 for more details.}
{FADEIN to the "Usual Suspects", seated at the broadcast booth. Jake appears to be sulking about something.} TONY ROSS: "Welcome back fans! Once again, we are coming to you tonight LIVE from L.A.'s Dodger Stadium in Chavez Ravine, Los Angeles, California! And I tell ya, Veronica, the one thing I CANNOT get over is just the MASS VOLUME of people here tonight!"
JAKE SHADES: "17,000, at least..."
TONY ROSS: "17,000?! Jake, are you going BLIND or something? There must be at least TWICE that here tonight!"
JAKE SHADES: "Fine then. *PAID* attendence is only 17,000!"
LADY VERONICA: (sighing) "At any rate, a crowd this size is a GREAT sign for the FWF and professional wrestling, Tony! As we get deeper into summer, the sky's the limit as the to the crowds that we'll draw!"
JAKE SHADES: "Yeah, and I bet "Scotty" is soiling himself in the back as we speak, hearing us talk about it! Hehe....Scotty......"
JAKE SHADES: "PIERRE LaRUE and CONFLICT?? Oh my God, this tragedy isn't even worth the price of a FREE ticket. These two are like 0 for the millennium, aren't they?
LADY VERONICA: "Unfortunately, Jake isn't far off with that statement. Coming into tonight, Conflict had only 2 victories, while the less experienced Canadian had yet to pick up his first win!"
{CUTTO: clips of Conflict vs. Pierre LaRue, shot with the same handheld camera as the earlier dark match. The seats in the background are still mostly empty, but we can see a good number of poeple beginning to filing in.}
LADY VERONICA: (V/O) "In the weeks leading up to the match, Conflict had made promises in NO uncertain terms that he was going to END LaRue's career tonight in Los Angeles! Normally very VOCAL with his anti-American sentiment, LaRue was uncharacteristically silent during the event buildup!"
TONY ROSS: (V/O) "And as you'll see by these clips, all of this added up to swift, BRUTAL display in the ring!"
(CUTTO: Conflict and LaRue in the ring, during the ring introductions. In the background, "Oh Canada" plays and LaRue is at center-ring waving a large impressive Canadian flag. At his side is The Prime Minister, a much smaller man with black sunglasses and a steel briefcase painted with the red Maple Leaf as well. From behind, Conflict CLIPS LaRue's legs out from under him! With "Oh Canada" still playing, Conflict grabs Prime Minister by the lapels of his suit, and LAUNCHES him over the top rope to the ringside floor!}
LADY VERONICA: (V/O) "Conflict literally wasted NO TIME gaining the advantage here, and we could tell by his demeanor in the ring that he had no plans of letting this one slip away!"
(Conflict RIPS the Canadian flag off its flagpole and immediately begins to CHOKE LaRue out with it. Danny Diaper is right down there in his face, DEMANDING that he release him!}
TONY ROSS: (V/O) "For a moment, I thought we were going to see another DQ, but surprisingly, Conflict released the choke before the count of 5. You could tell he didn't want to miss picking up a victory for the sake of punishing his opponent!"
JAKE SHADES: (V/O) "Wow, it must be something they put in the water out here! Conflict FINALLY showed that he had a set!"
LADY VERONICA: (V/O) "What followed was a one-sided, DOMINATING performance by Conflict! LaRue had virtually NO offense throughout this affair, as Conflict DISSECTED his opponent at his leisure.."
(CUTTO: Conflict with an irish whip off the ropes, and hitting a *SWEET* Belly-to-belly Suplex! He goes for a lateral press, but he ROLLS OFF LaRue's semi-conscious body at the count of 2. He ignores Danny Diaper's warnings, and proceeds to SLAM LaRue's head into the mat REPEATEDLY...}
TONY ROSS: (V/O) "Well who better than our own Jake Shades to tell us how something like THAT feels!"
JAKE SHADES: (V/O) "I'm sure it feels great until you're in courtroom facing ASSAULT charges!"
TONY ROSS: (V/O) "Well, no doubt *Conflict* enjoyed the experience on his end, but apparantly, he got bored with this organized MASSACRE fairly quickly, and put Pierre LaRue out of his misery...."
(CUTTO: Conflict with an irish whip into a corner from center-ring. LaRue hits HARD, sternum-first. He rebounds RIGHT into a Full-Nelson by Conflict, who hits a *SICK* Belly-to-back Full-Nelson Suplex! LaRue lands on the back of his head and rolls onto his stomach. Conflict wastes no time slapping on his finisher....}
TONY ROSS: (V/O) "There you can see, the "Conflict's Crash" is applied - that combination Sleeper Hold/Leg Scissors. Danny Diaper took a quick look at LaRue, and IMMEDIATELY called a halt to the match!"
LADY VERONICA: (V/O) "Smart call by the referee there, but you can see that Conflict wasn't in ANY hurry to release this submission hold. It took nearly *45* seconds for Danny to pry Conflict loose! Obviously, Conflict was prepared to KEEP his promise for ending LaRue's career tonight!"
{CUTTO: The broadcast table with Tony, Jake, and Lady V.}
JAKE SHADES: "Obviously, and MAN was that fun to watch! Why not put this guy on TV? I mean, SURE he couldn't draw flies if we smeared him with honey and he wrestled in warm piles of cow DUNG, but there HAD to have been a reason jobber-squashes kept wrestling shows on the air in the 80s..."
TONY ROSS: (sighing) "Fans, Pierre LaRue has been checked out by medical attendants. X-rays were negative, and it looks like he's going to be okay, fortunately. But those circumstances aside, Conflict was most DEFINITELY at the top of his game tonight in picking up that victory! And now, it looks like Paul Kramer's ready, so let's kick it back up to him for the introductions to our next match! Take it away, Paul..."
{SFX: DINGDINGDING}
(CUTTO: The center of the ring. Paul Kramer has a mic in hand)
PAUL KRAMER: "The following contest is scheduled for ONE FALL, with a 15 minute Time Limit..."
{CUEUP: "It's The End Of the World (As We Know It)" by REM}
PAUL KRAMER: "Approaching the ring.....coming to us tonight from ANCHORAGE, ALASKA....weighing in at an EVEN 200 pounds.....J.....D...BADLUUUUUUCK!"
(JD's appearance is met with LOUD cheers. He's wearing a pair of vinyl pants imprinted with the Spiderman logo, a red polyester Spiderman shirt, and Spiderman boots. His ENTIRE left arm is also covered in the Spiderman logo. He walks slowly to the ring.)
JAKE SHADES: "Personally, I'm just waiting for the day that somebody working for Marvel Comics tunes in to this show and sees this guy! I'd like to see "Scotty" and "Joey" in a courtroom, claiming "fair use" for this one! HA!"
LADY VERONICA: "I'm beginning to regret calling him that in front of you, Jake..."
JAKE SHADES: "You think you're regretting it NOW, sweetheart? Just you WAIT! We've still got 7 matches to go!"
PAUL KRAMER: "And his opponent....."
{CUEUP: "California Love" by Tupac Shakur} (The crowd pops)
PAUL KRAMER: "From VENICE BEACH, CALIFORNIA..(pop intensifies slightly).....weighing 278 pounds......LARS.......MAGELLAN!!"
(A deeply tanned Lars emerges from behind the curtain to the applause of the fans. His chest hair is visible from behind a black tank top. He also wears a pair of black jeans, and he's sporting a black goatee with a trace of silver. He seems to be digging the crowd response for him, and plays off it as he walks down the aisle)
TONY ROSS: "Interesting contrast of styles in this match, Veronica. Lars has nearly 80 pounds and 8 inches over his opponent tonight, and judging from the response he recieved, he's a bit of a hometown favorite as well!"
JAKE SHADES: "Yeah sure, a "contrast of styles"....Why don't you just call it a mismatch, Tony? I'm sure the idiot fans would appreciate you not making them THINK about this!"
LADY VERONICA: (ignoring Jake) "Well that much is obvious Tony. But in terms of actual FWF in-ring experience, JD has a significant advantage there. And all that size advantage for Lars adds up to a SPEED and QUICKNESS advantage for JD!"
(SFX: DINGDINGDING)
TONY ROSS: There's the bell and here we go! And WOW! JD's not wasting anytime tonight! He's going right after Lars with RIGHTS and LEFTS! Not what I expected from him! Veronica, what do you think? Is it a smart move, going after a man the size of Lars?
LADY VERONICA: "It is as long as he doesn't get caught, Tony! Remember though, JD's already been out here once tonight, as I'm sure the BYW can recall. There's no telling where they might be! JD might be smart to try to put this one away early!"
TONY ROSS: "In the meantime, Lars looks like he's got his feet back under him, and he's FIRING back with BIG right hands! Now, an irish whip by Lars, off the ropes, MISSES a back elbow! Off the opposite side, Lars trying to body press him - Nope, JD drops down. ROLLS him UP from BEHIND! - 1...Lars kicks out. JD rebounds off the ropes and CATCHES a big DROPKICK from Lars!! Great move by the big man, and JD's down!"
LADY VERONICA: "JD's eventually going to have to commit himself to wrestling into his strengths Tony. It might be about scoring a quick victory, but I think Lars is just too big a man to beat that quickly."
JAKE SHADES: "Where's Peter Parker when you need him?"
TONY ROSS: "Who?"
JAKE SHADES: "Oh nevermind....sheesh"
TONY ROSS: "Lars pulls JD up, and a little CHOP to the throat there! Interesting, Lars turned his body around to deliver that move, so referee Sal Putz could not see it! Bit of a shortcut, but he made it work for him! Now, Lars hooks him, and LOOK at this Suplex!! Just HOLDING him up in the air! The flashbulbs are going off a mile-a-minute at Dodger Stadium......and he DROPS him down! Impressive power display there!"
LADY VERONICA: "Never try to short-change Lars for not having any kind of STRATEGY. He may be the lesser experienced man in that ring, but he KNOWS where his advantage lay. He's slowed the pace of this match WAY down, where he is most in control..."
TONY ROSS: "Lars now going off the ropes, back and DRILLS Badluck with a HUGE LEGDROP! Cover - ONE....TWO..nope, JD got out of there! But Lars right back to work, he CLAMPS on a chinlock. JD has no where to go!"
JAKE SHADES: "That's too bad. Ferdinand almost sold me all that time he was destroying Spiderman in there. Then he had to go and slap on a resthold. That sound you're hearing is about 2 MILLION remotes clicking over to NBC...."
LADY VERONICA: "Well, it may not be enough to keep *Jake* interested, but again, it is good strategy for Lars. He can't afford to let JD get untracked here."
TONY ROSS: "Wait a second...It looks like Sal Putz is ordering Lars to break the submission hold! What's this all about?"
JAKE SHADES: "Maybe he's thinking what *I'm* thinking - that it's been about 75 years since anybody's actually SUBMITTED to a chinlock, and that we're not fooling ANYBODY anymore!"
LADY VERONICA: "Tony, from what I can tell, the referee is saying that Lars's chinlock had actually become a chokehold! Wow, interesting call. He obviously had a better look at it than any of US, but if it was a choke, it certainly wasn't BLATANT. Lars releases it and MAN is he letting Putz hear about it! And I'm not so sure if he doesn't have a legitimate gripe here, Tony!"
TONY ROSS: "It's possible Veronica, but more importantly, while this is going on, JD is starting to pull himself together! He's BACK to his KNEES and Lar's doesn't SEE HIM...SCHOOLBOY! ONE....TWO...NO! NO! So close!! Badluck COMPLETELY surprised Lars Magellan there, but he didn't get all the leverage on that cradle that he wanted! Both men now back to their feet. JD off the ropes...FLYING LARIAT..but Lars doesn't go down! JD off the ropes AGAIN....Lars goes for a BIG BOOT, but NO! JD catches him! Lars trying to beg off now.....JD spins him around....RUNNING BULLD--NO!! LARS SAW IT COMING and he CAUGHT HIM......and PLANTS HIM with a BACK SUPLEX!! ABSOLUTELY UNREAL!!!"
LADY VERONICA: "Fantastic exchange there, Tony! It left ME breathless. JD's getting his opportunities, but Lars just seems to be one step ahead tonight!"
TONY ROSS: "It might've left Lars a little breathless too! He looks a bit winded, and he's not covering his man! JD might be catching a break here, cause he looks pretty much out of it!"
LADY VERONICA: "Lars needs to close the deal right now! This match is HIS if he wants it!"
TONY ROSS: "Lars pulls JD up. Head between the legs - could be time for a Powerbomb! And....WAIT-A SMALL PACKAGE!!! ONE....TWO.....THRE---NOOOOO!!! LARS KICKED OUT!! HOLY GOD, I DON'T BELIEVE IT!!!
LADY VERONICA: "Lars needs to keep it together right now, Tony! He can't afford to get frustrated!"
TONY ROSS: "Lars pulls JD up again. Irish whip - nope, reversed by JD! JD off the opposite side....SPINNING LEG LARIAT connects and Lars GOES DOWN! JD pulls him up. Now it's *JD* with the irish whip - nope, reversed by *Lars*...JD off the ropes, Lars with a SAMOAN DR--No, wait a second! JD has his weight leaning FORWARD, Lars can't drop him!! He's trying to keep his balance here!! JD PULLS BACK ON IT!!! CRUCIFIX!!! ONE.....TWO....THREE!!!!
(SFX: DINGDINGDING) {CUEUP: "It's The End Of the World (As We Know It)" by REM}
TONY ROSS: "HE DID IT!! JD PULLED IT OFF!!"
PAUL KRAMER: "The WINNER of this bout......J.....D....BADLUUUUUUUUUCK!!!"
LADY VERONICA: "JD was BARELY able to keep Lars down for the three, but apparantly he kept the arms locked JUST long enough!!
JAKE SHADES: "I guess his Spider Sense was tingling...."
TONY ROSS: "In a manner of speaking, that might be a viable explanation Jake! Lars may have been in control for most of the match, but it eventually came down to who would make a MISTAKE at a critical time! Tonight, it was Lars's miscue to go for the Samoan Drop, and JD had the FORESIGHT and the RESOURCEFULNESS to counter it into a CRUCIFIX and score the pinfall!"
LADY VERONICA: "They say luck is what happens when preparation meets opportunity. Well tonight, JD supp----Hold on a second! Who's THAT??"
TONY ROSS: "Oh my.....THAT'S THE BYW!! THEY'RE BACK!! We saw them earlier tonight when they GANG-ATTACKED Nick Kurtel!! And NOW it looks like they're coming to FINISH the job with JD!!"
LADY VERONICA: "No sign of AJ Badluck Tony, but that still leaves it at 3-on-1 with JD against Whitedust, Bernard and Robot Boy!"
TONY ROSS: "JD sees them Tony, but I know he's not too anxious about taking on these odds in his condition! He's still in the ring, and the BYW is trying to cut off an---HANG ON! It's AJ BADLUCK COMING UP FROM BEHIND! HE'S GOT ANOTHER STEEL CHAIR!! (SFX: CRACK!!)...RIGHT UPSIDE THE HEAD OF JD BADLUCK!! HE NEVER EVEN SAW IT COMING!!"
JAKE SHADES: "YEAAHHH!! Whatta GREAT chairshot!! And I LOVE the ECHO it made!!"
LADY VERONICA: "Now the BYW doesn't waste any time! They're ALL OVER JD, and there's just NO WAY he can defend himself in there!"
TONY ROSS: "Look at these VULTURES go to work here! They're pulling JD up here! Whitedust is out on the apron. Oh, they're not gonna.......CRACKLINER!! A Crackliner! WHATTA MOVE by Whitedust!! A TORNADO DDT FROM THE TOP ROPE!! INCREDIBLE!! JD Badluck might be out COLD here, folks!!"
LADY VERONICA: "I'm sure this is all FITTING retribution for the BYW Brigade Tony, since they got essentially SHOWN UP earlier tonight by JD and Nick Kurtel! And even before that, JD ditched his "allies", the BYW at Frontier Madness, since it was obvious he didn't need them!"
JAKE SHADES: "Obvious?? Take a look at him!! You're trying to tell me that Spiderman doesn't NEED THE HELP?? Yeah, some VICTIM! He walks out on his buddies, and we're suppose to SYMPATHIZE with that kind of TRAITOR??"
TONY ROSS: "Meanwhile, AJ Badluck, JD's older brother seems to be enjoying this in particular! Now he's motioning to the rest of the BYW.....He's going to the top rope - what does he think he's DOING? Bernard and Robot Boy have JD, and they're helping him onto AJ's shoulder....no....NO! Don't tell me........SPIDER WEB SLAM!!!!!!! OH...MY....GOD!!!! A SPIDER WEB SLAM on JD BADLUCK!!! His own FINISHER!! AJ BADLUCK has GONE OVER THE LINE!!!"
LADY VERONICA: "JD needs help in there. This is getting CRAZY!"
TONY ROSS: "Well here comes the Zebra Troop, a sad sight too late, I might add! The BYW Brigade is just yukking it up in the ring, and JD Badluck is NOT MOVING! Hopefully, these officials can restore order in there!"
LADY VERONICA: "Well, if it wasn't obvious after Frontier Madness, I think it's safe to say that AJ Badluck will not let this issue with his brother JD DIE without a fight! But you gotta wonder what the extent of JD's injuries are!"
TONY ROSS: "Fans, I'm being told we have to go to commercial. The carnage looks like it's being brought under control in the ring, and JD will be helped to the back. But when we come back, get ready, because it'll be time for the first of our FOUR title matches...."
{FADEOUT to a commercial for FWF merchandise, located at http://fade.to/fwf}
{FADEIN to Tony, Jake, and Lady V in the assumed positions....}
TONY ROSS: "Welcome back fans. While we were at break, the officials were able to get the BYW Brigade away from JD Badluck LONG ENOUGH for EMTs to get a close look at him! A stretcher and backboard were standing by, but JD REFUSED to be taken out of here that way! He fought off medical attention, and while OBVIOUSLY looked groggy and disoriented, he was able to MAKE IT to the lockerroom with a MINIMUM of assistance!"
LADY VERONICA: "An amazing showing of character and guts by JD here Tony, and I can't imagine this issue between JD Badluck and the BYW Brigade is anywhere NEAR to being resolved!"
JAKE SHADES: "Yeah, the BYW should have another go-around with Spiderman, and finish what they started!"
TONY ROSS: (sighing) "Finally, now that things are back under control, let's take it back up to Ring Announcer Paul Kramer, for the introductions to our next match....."
{SFX: DINGDINGDING}
{CUTTO: Paul Kramer, in the ring, with the mic)
(The crowd pops HARD)
(CUEUP: "More Human Than Human" by White Zombie) (The crowd pops again, but it fades into SERIOUS BOOS)
(Paul Kramer looks a little confused, but regains his composure)
PAUL KRAMER: "uh....LADIES and GENTLEMEN, at this time, here to publically VACATE the FWF Frontier Championship......the current F...W...F WORLD Champion....ANNNNAAAARRRRKYYY!!!"
(Anarky emerges from the lockerroom, with the FWF World Title around his waist, and on his shoulder, the FWF Frontier Title belt. He smiles with a SNEER at the fans' response, and slowly walks toward the ring, absorbing all this.)
TONY ROSS: "Well....there was some doubt earlier on on just what was going to happen regarding the actual Frontier Title belt! OFFICIALLY, the title has been vacant for several weeks, after Anarky won the World Championship at World Impact Y2K. Now, it appears...at least we HOPE, that he's going to officially SURRENDER the belt!"
JAKE SHADES: "Yeah SURE he will, because Anarky is a really GOOD about obeying the rules, right Ross?
LADY VERONICA: "But let's not forget what this means now, Tony....In a just minute we're gonna the three finalist for the World Title, in the ring AGAIN!"
(Anarky makes it to ringside, and casually paces around the ring)
(CUEUP: "Wake Up" by Rage Against the Machine)
PAUL KRAMER: "And NOW....presenting the PARTICIPANTS! First.....from WHITELANDIA, U..S..A...weighing in at 224 pounds......JOOOOOBBBBERRR!!"
(Jobber emerges from the back with a look on his face that could MELT LEAD. He gets a MIXED reaction from the crowd, but he's totally focused on the ring, and his mission tonight. He gets in the ring and paces anxiously, looking down at Anarky at ringside.)
TONY ROSS: "If you remember, Jobber was MERE SECONDS away from possibly WINNING the FWF World Title at World Impact, before Doc Silver and Co. fooled us ALL by aligning with Anarky and allowing HIM to win the World Championship! If I'm Jobber, I have to have been kept up nights because of that, and he must be SICK with anticipation of finally winning some FWF gold!"
(CUEUP: "Coffee Mug" by the Descendants)
PAUL KRAMER: And his OPPONENT......from The SUBURBAN JUNGLE......weighing in tonight at 275 pounds......MAXWELL....HOOOOUUUZZZZ!!!"
(The crowd ROARS its approval of Maxwell as he appears from behind the curtain, coffee mug in hand. He chugs its contents, then SPITS them out into the air, in a fine mist. He's wearing a pair of torn up coudouroys, a sleeveless Duncies T-shirt, and a pair of army boots)
LADY VERONICA: "Maxwell Houz put on a SOLID showing at World Impact. He hit "The Last Drop" on Jobber at one point, and had Anarky not been there to break up the pin, we would've CERTAINLY seen Maxwell crowned the new World Champion!"
JAKE SHADES: "Shoulda Woulda Coulda! None of that crap MATTERS! All that MATTERS is that these two CHUMPS had NO business even being in the ring wrestling for the World Championship, and Anarky PROVED it, since he's the one holding the belt tonight!"
TONY ROSS: "Well, speaking of belts, this match is about ready to get underway, and referee Stu Fields is asking that Anarky hand over the Frontier Title belt!"
JAKE SHADES: "Why? What the hell does he care? Anarky promised that he'd show up with the belt, and he DID! As long as we don't have a new champion to give the belt TO, I don't see the harm in Anarky holding onto it for a while, for safe keeping!"
TONY ROSS: "Jake, the fact of the matter is that Anarky is NOT the Frontier Champion, and he hasn't been for over a MONTH! He should've given the strap up a long time ago, and I'm sure that Malec or LeBron had to threaten him with fines or suspensions just to get him to show up at ALL! I think enough is enough, and Anarky shou----WHAT THE HELL?!?! ANARKY just DRILLED REFEREE STU FIELDS IN THE HEAD WITH THE FRONTIER TITLE BELT!! WHAT IS THIS?? Now Anarky's IN THE RING! JOBBER doesn't SEE HIM! OOOHHH! ANARKY almost DECAPITATED JOBBER with a LARIAT to the back of the HEAD!"
LADY VERONICA: "HERE COMES MAXWELL HOUZ with that COFFEE MUG! BUT ANARKY BLOCKS IT! Kick to the gut!! Now ANARKY has the Frontier Title belt AGAIN! Off the ropes....OH MY!! ANARKY PASTES MAXWELL HOUZ RIGHT BETWEEN THE EYES with a BELT SHOT!!"
JAKE SHADES: "YEEAAHHH!! (applauding) That was FABULOUS!!"
TONY ROSS: I can't BELIEVE IT! The FWF World Champion has LAYED OUT a senior REFEREE, and two wrestlers, SINGLEHANDEDLY! And now what? Anarky is out of the ring, and headed towards the timekeepers table! And he's...he just RANG THE BELL! What kind of arrogant son-of-a-bi(FCC)ch IS THIS MAN?"
LADY VERONICA: "Well THANKFULLY, it looks like Anarky's isn't going to stick around to see how this all plays out! He's headed to the back it appears, and now IN THE RING, two wrestlers are OUT COLD, along with referee Stu Fields, and the FWF Frontier Championship is on the line!"
TONY ROSS: "Assuming this match has officially begun, this is one HELL of a way to kick it off! We don't know if the referee's hurt badly, or if Jobber and Maxwell Houz are gonna be okay! I guess the only thing we CAN do is sit back and wait for SOMEBODY to come to!"
JAKE SHADES: "I don't see why you two are complaining about what Anarky did! He didn't show any favoritism or bias! Hell, he even decked the referee, just to keep him from trying to pin one of these guys and stealing the Frontier Title!"
LADY VERONICA: "Jake, just......shut up."
TONY ROSS: "Wait a second...I..I think I see Jobber starting to come to here! Yes, yes! Jobber has regained consciousness! He's rolling around on the canvas here, I don't think he realizes what's happening!"
LADY VERONICA: "As strangely as this match has begun, it may just be on the verge of ENDING! Maxwell Houz has NOT moved ONE INCH, and if Jobber can just gather himself enough to get an arm across his chest, we might see a new champion! And LOOK, Stu Fields looks to be pulling it together too! He was laying face down in the corner!"
TONY ROSS: "Jobber has begun to crawl.....crawl towards Maxwell Houz, halfway across the ring! Annndd...........there it is!! Jobber has an arm over him!! This match is HISTORY!! Fields needs to TURN AROUND!!"
LADY VERONICA: "This is at least a 7 or 8 count at this point, Tony! Jobber has this match WON!"
TONY ROSS: "FIELDS FINALLY TURNS AND SEES IT!! IN FOR THE COVER: ONE............................TWO...........................THREE!!!!
LADY VERONICA: "And JOBBER has won the Fron--NOOOOOOOOO!!! NO! NO! MAXWELL HOUZ GOT THE SHOULDER UP!!! BARELY, OH SO BARELY!!!"
TONY ROSS: "Absolutely INCREDIBLE! This crowd is APOPLECTIC!"
JAKE SHADES: "Jesus Tony, could you calm down? You know you don't have to yell everything! Y'see, production gives us these handy little gadgets called "microphones"...."
LADY VERONICA: "We could hardly see it from our vantage point, Tony, but Maxwell apparantly REVIVED in time to beat the 3 count! Now it appears all three men are coming to, and after the blatant interference by the FWF World Champion and a VERY near pinfall for Jobber, this match has finally begun!"
TONY ROSS: "All three men are getting to their feet here, and JOBBER is the first one up! He goes for Maxwell, irish whip. Maxwell, off the ropes...NICE ARMDRAG by Jobber to start! Maxwell back up quickly....ANOTHER armdrag! And now Jobber works the arm-bar!"
LADY VERONICA: "Good strategy by Jobber to open the match! He's normally an aerial wrestler, but he might still be a bit disoriented after that sneak attack from Anarky! Better to keep the ground under him until his head clears!"
TONY ROSS: "Excellant point, Veronica. Maxwell now, working his way back up.....now they lockup. Maxwell Houz with over 50 pounds and 5 inches in weight advantage here, and he's EASILY controlling his collar-and-elbow tieup! Now up against the ropes...Stu Fields is TRYING to seperate them, but Maxwell is just PAWING his hand into Jobber's face! And--oh my, Jobber pushes him off! AND MAXWELL pushes him right back, and SENDS outside to the floor! Nice display of power by Maxwell Houz!"
JAKE SHADES: "This reminds me, why are people always after me for drinking on the job, but nobody checks the contents of that MUG Coffee-boy is always carrying around?"
LADY VERONICA: "Three words: Mandatory Drug Testing."
TONY ROSS: "Jobber looks a little foggy as he tries to get back into the ring. Maxwell with a handful of hair "helps" him onto the apron! And a shoulderblock by Jobber through the ropes catches Maxwell! And another! And now Jobber with a SUNSET FLIP from the outside!! Can he take down the big man?? Maxwell's FIGHTING it......AND HE TAKES HIM OVER! 1....2....nope, Maxwell kicks his way out! He's up quickly, but hang on! He seems a bit hesitant to go after Jobber!"
LADY VERONICA: "I think that's a smart move, Tony! Maxwell's the bigger man in there as you pointed out! He wants to keep this match slow and methodical, because Jobber is the quicker man, and he can definitely handle the faster pace, at least LONGER than Maxwell can!"
JAKE SHADES: "You ever notice how you can take almost any statement, and with a little imagination, make it sound really sexual?"
TONY ROSS: "Maxwell seems to be looking for another lockup here, and he gets one...and a HARD KNEE to the gut of Jobber! And a big ELBOW to the back of the head! Just like you said, Veronica - this is the pace that Maxwell should be looking for! Maxwell now has Jobber backed into a corner and LOOK AT THESE FOREARMS! Wow! He is planting his feet and just TEEING off on Jobber in the corner!"
LADY VERONICA: "Jobber needs to get out of that corner post-haste! He can't sit there and let Maxwell BLUDGEON him with those forearms and knees to the midsection!"
TONY ROSS: "Maxwell now with an IRISH WHIP - no, reversed by Jobber! Maxwell off the ropes - Jobber going for a hip toss! But Maxwell blocks it! He hooks Jobber's head, could be a SUPLEX here....Lifts him up....and DROPS HIM into a BRAINBUSTER! Whatta move by Maxwell Houz! Now a cover...ONE.....TWO....TH--NO! Jobber got a shoulder up!"
LADY VERONICA: "You can feel the confidence building in Maxwell Houz as the seconds go by, Tony! He knows his ticket to gold is to just GRIND Jobber up, and I don't think he has a problem with THAT!"
TONY ROSS: "Maxwell pulls Jobber up, going for irish whip...Jobber off the ropes..no, he holds on! AND HOLY CHR
LADY VERONICA: "Maxwell is out quickly. He pulls Jobber up and POWERSLAM ON THE FLOOR! Good LORD!! Now he pulls Jobber up and rolls him back in. Another cover? Nope! He pulls him up, another irish whip! Jobber, off the ropes. Maxwell puts his head down, and EATS a boot to the face! Woah! A desperation move by Jobber who was just trying to get A LITTLE offense in!"
TONY ROSS: "Maxwell shakes it off and charges in...SMALL PACKAGE!! ONE...TW----Maxwell kicks out STRONG! Both men up quickly! Maxwell going for another LARIAT, but misses! Jobber off the opposite side...FLYING SHOULDERBLOCK sends Maxwell down!"
LADY VERONICA: "Woah! Maxwell's head SNAPPED off the bottom ring rope, Tony!! He looks a little STUNNED here! Can Jobber capitalize?"
TONY ROSS: "He's going to the top rope, Veronica!! Maxwell getting to his feet, but he looks a little WOOZY!! Jobber, FROM THE TOP.....FLYING CROSS BOD--NOOOO!! POWERSLAM!! POWERSLAM!! Maxwell COUNTERED IT and PLANTED JOBBER WITH A DEVESTATING POWERSLAM!! And look at Maxwell Houz, he is ALL SMILES in there!! He thinks he has this match WON, and I don't blame him!"
LADY VERONICA: "That was an incredible counter, Tony! Now look at Maxwell walking around the ring, making the belt-around-the-waist gestures..."
TONY ROSS: "Maxwell pulls Jobber up again, and he POSTS him on the top rope! Now what is this? He--He's signaling for "The Last Drop"! The Spinning Doctor Bomb all the way from the top rope! Jobber is defenseless here!"
LADY VERONICA: "Wait a second....Tony, there's somebody coming down the aisle....who...Isn't that....."
TONY ROSS: "Oh my, That's ZIGGY JEFFERSON! My God, it's been....what..about 7 MONTHS since we've seen him out here! Now what is HE doing here? He's at ringside, and.....and he's got a steel chair! He just slid it into the ring, and now he's pointing at Maxwell and Jobber!"
LADY VERONICA: "I think he's telling Maxwell to do "The Last Drop" on that steel chair!
TONY ROSS: "Well, we know referee Stu Fields isn't gonna go for THAT! He's got the chair, and he's passing it off to an official at rin--WHAT? WHAT THE--?!? Ziggy Jefferson just DRILLED Maxwell Houz in the head with...with SOMETHING! What was that??"
JAKE SHADES: "Looked like a BONG to me!"
TONY ROSS: "Well WHATEVER it was, Maxwell Houz is LAID OUT on the mat thanks to it! Stu Fields DIDN'T SEE IT!! And LOOK at Ziggy BOOK back up the AISLE!!"
LADY VERONICA: "Tony, Tony look! Jobber looks like he's starting to pull it together on the turnbuckle..."
TONY ROSS: "Jobber...Jobber back to his FEET!! FROM THE TOP ROPE.........BACKYARD REVENGE!! BACKYARD REVENGE!! HE NAILED IT!! HE NAILED IT!! STU FIELDS, DOWN FOR THE COVER: ONE...........TWO...............THREE!!!!
{SFX: DINGDINGDING}
TONY ROSS: "IT'S OVER!!! JOBBER HAS WON THE TITLE!!"
PAUL KRAMER: "THE WINNER OF THIS BOUT.........AND NEEEEEEEEWW F....W....F *FRONTIER* CHAMPION.............JOOOOOOBBBBERRRR!"
LADY VERONICA: "He's done it! It took unexpected and unEXPLAINED help from Ziggy Jefferson, but Jobber has won it!"
TONY ROSS: "And what about Ziggy Jefferson's actions?? We haven't seen him on FWF television since DECEMBER of last year! Suddenly, he returns, and SCREWS Maxwell Houz out of the Frontier Title?? Boy, there are some interesting questions here! But aside from that, we've got a NEW FWF Frontier Champion! Jobber, prevails in a match in which he was largely DOMINATED by his larger opponent! He got an opportunity, and he didn't waste it! Nailing the 450 Splash, and getting the 1, 2, 3! Wow!"
JAKE SHADES: "If the King of the Mid-carders is a Jobber, what does that make the Mid-carders?"
LADY VERONICA: "Tell you what, Jake....While we're at commercial, why do you think it over?"
JAKE SHADES: "I got a better idea. While we're at commercial, why don't I go ask "Scotty"? HA!"
TONY ROSS: (sighing) "Fans, as Jobber celebrates his first FWF Championship gold, stay tuned. We'll be right back..."
{FADEOUT to local advertisments about upcoming FWF LIVE Events}
{FADEIN to The Terrific Trio, at the broadcast booth. For some reason, Jake is in a GREAT mood.} JAKE SHADES: "Oh! OH! When you two get hammered in a bar, do you call him "Scotch"? Bwahahaha!!"
TONY ROSS: (to Veronica) "I can have him taken out of here if you want."
JAKE SHADES: "Or or, is one of his hobbies GARDENING? Does he use "Scotts Turfbuilder"?? Bwahahahaahha!"
LADY VERONICA: "Exactly HOW LONG did Victor put up with him?"
TONY ROSS: "I think our first broadcast was in August of '98"
LADY VERONICA: "The poor man..."
TONY ROSS: "Yes...."
JAKE SHADES: "Does he talk in a "Scotish" accent? How many times DID he take you to see "Braveheart"?"
LADY VERONICA: (boring through all this) "Welcome back fans to FWF BattleGround, live from Dodger Stadium in Chavez Ravine, California! I'm Veronica, an--"
JAKE SHADES: "And I'm Reggie, and the pudgy guy with the receding hairline is Archie!"
TONY ROSS: "Shades, what the HELL are you talking about??"
JAKE SHADES: "She's MINE, Archie!"
(Veronica sighs deeply)
TONY ROSS: "Fans.....while we were at break, I'm told that that FWF's resident snoop, Otis "The Periscope" Sawyer, was up to his usual tricks! It appears that he captured a VERY interesting situation in the lockerroom, and right now, we're gonna take you back to moments ago, and that special footage...."
{CUTTO: Footage RECORDED (REC) moments ago}
(From an odd low angle, we see BILLY MATTHEWS and RICKY KABE standing in a corridor, eye-to-eye. Ricky is dressed in usual wrestling gear, while Billy is wearing a pair of jeans and a T-shirt. From the limited audio we have, we get the impression that this is a pep talk of sorts...)
BILLY MATTHEWS: (REC) "...and this is your night...your night, baby.....He's all yours. He's nothing....he's nothing......You just gotta hang with him, and you just take him apart...."
RICKY KABE: (REC) "Absolutely..."
BILLY MATTHEWS: (REC) "You're damn right......now get out there and you kick some a(FCC)s...And if things get hairy, hang tight. I got yer' back...."
(Ricky nods, then turns to head toward the entranceway. Billy turns and heads in the opposite direction. He SEES THE CAMERA and stops, but then sneers down at Otis. He rounds the corner, and comes upon YBOK and JAMAR, Talent Relations...)
BILLY MATTHEWS: (REC) "What the--?!"
YBOK: (REC) (cheerful) "Hey hey there, man! Relax! We just heard the good news. We just came by to say "Welcome aboard"! That's all...."
BILLY MATTHEWS: (REC) "What the HELL are you talkin' about?"
(Ybok and Jamar look at him, then each other with CONFUSED looks. Jamar then catches sight of Otis with his camera, behind Billy in the corner. He points to it for Ybok, and his look changes instantly..)
YBOK: (REC) "Right...right! Okay then, I guess we don't have anything to say to each other, do we?"
BILLY MATTHEWS: (REC) "Damn right we don't! Now get the FU(FCC)K out of my way!"
(He SHOVES his way past the duo. They watch him go. After a moment, Jamar turns to Ybok and says something we can't pick up. Ybok nods slowly....)
{CUTTO the broadcast table with The Big 3.)
TONY ROSS: "WELL! Great work by Otis Sawyer picking up that exchange! But what are to believe now? Has Billy Matthews aligned himself with Doc and Co.?"
LADY VERONICA: "I don't know Tony. Call it a hunch, but I think there's something WRONG about this! On the surface, it would appear that that's exactly what happened! And history and circumstances lend us to believe that! Remember, Anarky and Doc Silver pulled the same act in the weeks leading up to World Impact!"
TONY ROSS: "Exactly, and also consider that we KNOW that Billy saw Otis, and so did Talent Relations! If this is true, then they wouldn't want this cat let out of the bag this way. That could easily explain that "confusion" between them in the lockerroom there!"
JAKE SHADES: "This is GREAT! Doc Silver is a GENIUS!"
TONY ROSS: "LOTTA questions coming out of that footage.....but it doesn't look like we're gonna get any answers NOW. So let's send it back it up to Paul Kramer in the ring, for the introductions to our next match!"
{SFX: DINGDINGDDING)
(CUTTO: Paul Kramer in the ring, mic in hand)
PAUL KRAMER: "The following contest is scheduled for ONE FALL, with a 20 Minute Time Limit....."
(CUEUP: "Counterfiet" by Limp Bizkit)
PAUL KRAMER: "Introducing FIRST......from CHAMPAIGN, ILLINOIS......weighing in at 265 pounds..........RICKY.......KAAAAAAAAABBBEEE!!!"
(The BOOS RAIN DOWN on Ricky as he emerges from the lockerroom with his usual cocky ATTITUDE. He's in his usual short red tights with "Just LOOK at Me" printed on the rear. Tonight, he also sports a T-shirt. He got his STRUT working in full effect tonight, and is more than willing to trade insults with the fans on the aisle and at ringside)
LADY VERONICA: "Just a reminder, this match was orginally booked on the World Impact Y2K pay-per-view, but unfortunately, Kabe's plane was delayed getting into San Jose, so that match was cancelled. Tonight, we're finally gonna get to see it..."
(CUEUP: "The Good, The Bad and the Ugly" by Ennio Marricone) (The lights dim)
PAUL KRAMER: "Annnd HIS OPPONENT, as always...hailing from Wherever the HELL He WANTS to Hail From......and also weighing in at 265 pounds......NEVADAAAA.......SMIIIITTTTH!!!"
(The crowd POPS HARD for Nevada when he appears - mostly cheers. No surprise, Nevada is ALL BUSINESS as he approaches the ring. He is covered in tattoos, one especially prominent across his forehead. He enters the ring with his pokerface firmly in place. He paces the ring back and forth slowly, not taking his eyes off Kabe, who's at ringside jawing with the fans.)
TONY ROSS: "Physically....these two men are almost DEAD EVEN. BOTH men are listed at 265 pounds. Nevada is listed at a height of 6 feet, 3 inches. Kabe comes in at 6'4". Both in SUPREME condition...."
LADY VERONICA: "As far as ATTITUDE goes, Tony, these two men could not be any more DIFFERENT! Both men are certainly CONFIDENT of their ability, but Nevada channels his confidence into a kind of TRANCE-like focus, while Kabe is about as ARROGANT as they come!"
TONY ROSS: "But don't let that arrogance fool you, Veronica! Kabe has EVERY reason to be confident, and too many times, his opponents end up selling him short, and wind up on the business end of a "Counterfieter"!"
JAKE SHADES: "That might've just been the SMARTEST thing you've said all night, Ross! Kabe's a lucky guy, y'know. Some say the true reward in wrestling is impressing your fans with your talent. Well it's NOT! The TRUE reward is using your talent to STICK IT to all the MORONS that HATE YOU! HA!"
(SFX: DINGDINGDING)
TONY ROSS: "Well thank you, Jake Shades for that little PEARL! The bell is gone, and this match has begun. Kabe SHOOTS back into the ring, and he is RIGHT UP in Nevada's face - nose to nose! Wow, you can FEEL the tension building here!"
LADY VERONICA: "Look at them talking to each other in there Tony! Kabe is MOUTHIN' OFF big-time right in Nevada's face, and we can barely see Nevada's mouth moving in response..."
TONY ROSS: "Ooooh, now Kabe's POKING Nevada in the chest, and I'll tell ya, he ain't gonna go for THAT too long. And a SHOVE by Kabe knocks Nevada back a step! And Nevada just SMILED at him!"
LADY VERONICA: "Nevada comes right back and stands RIGHT IN FRONT of Kabe, and he's STILL smiling! Kabe goes right back to talkin' trash and now NEVADA shoves him! It's *Kabe* who gets KNOCKED back a couple steps!"
TONY ROSS: "Kabe looks a *little* surprised that Nevada retaliated. I don't know WHY. Now KABE is grinning a bit as he circles around. Now he comes back in with a HARD SHOVE! He knocks Nevada back to the ropes, he rebounds and DRILLS Ricky Kabe with a shoulderblock! Kabe goes FLYING backwards, and OUT of the RING!"
LADY VERONICA: "Hard to say which man has a *strength* advantage here Tony, but assuming they're about equal in that regard, it may come down to who's more AGGRESSIVE in the ring - who ASSERTS themself MORE...."
TONY ROSS: "And I doubt you're gonna see either man back down in there! Kabe is not wasting any time, he's back in quickly, and WALKS into a Side Headlock Takedown! Wow, nice move by Nevada, and not one you'd normally see from him! Now look at Kabe - he's FIGHTING this for all he's worth in there! He's stretching out....and he gets a foot on the rope! Nevada has to let him go!"
LADY VERONICA: "This brings up another interesting point, Tony - what impact technical ability will have on this match! Neither man is especially KNOWN for it, but nonetheless, it could be the difference in the outcome of the match later on!"
JAKE SHADES: "What the--?! C'MON REF!! DQ him!! He won't LET it GO!!"
TONY ROSS: "Nevada finally DOES release the headlock just as referee Danny Diaper got to the count of 4, and now he's backing off as Diaper admonishes him! Kabe is up quickly, and now HE's kvetching to the referee about Nevada not letting the hold go! He also seems to be complaining about a chokehold an--DID YOU JUST SEE THAT?? Kabe just SPIT at Nevada! Nevada comes in, and KABE TAKES HIM DOWN with a Side Headlock of his own! Nice move by Kabe there, luring Nevada in!"
LADY VERONICA: "This is what we talked about earlier Tony - people selling Kabe short because of his arrogant attitude! Right there, you saw Nevada drop his guard and Kabe BAITED him into a charge, and Nevada paid for it! Now Ricky gets a little retribution for Nevada's technical showing just a minute ago!"
TONY ROSS: "Nevada now, PULLING the HAIR of Ricky Kabe, trying to release the hold. Very blatant, and against the rules, but if you know Nevada, this isn't something new from him! Danny Diaper is TRYING to get Nevada to let go of the hair, but nothing doing! It looks like Kabe has had enough of this....and a RAKE to the EYES stuns Nevada!"
LADY VERONICA: "Kabe pulls Nevada up. Irish whip - nope, reversed by Nevada. Kabe off the ropes, and NEVADA WITH A SCOOP SLA--no! Kabe goes over and drops down! SCHOOLBOY! ON--and NOT EVEN A *1* COUNT THERE! Both men up quickly, Nevada back on the attack and a SMALL PACKAGE FROM KABE 1...and a another kickout!"
TONY ROSS: "Now it's Kabe off the ropes! Nevada's waiting for him - going for a savate kick and BLOCKED by Ricky Kabe! Ricky smiles now, and SPITS at him again! He SPINS him around and hits a BULLDOG from behind!" Another nice move by Ricky Kabe!"
JAKE SHADES: "Face it - Nevada Smith IS and always WAS a no-talent HACK, and it takes a man with the SKILLS of Ricky Kabe to prove it to the PEONS of the world!"
LADY VERONICA: "Would that be the reason YOU never took him up on any of his open challenges, Jake?"
JAKE SHADES: "Was I talking to you?"
TONY ROSS: "Kabe's still got that little smirk on his face as he pulls Nevada up again. Nevada SWINGS with a lariat, but Ricky DUCKS it, hooks the arm and comes down with a CRUCIFIX! 1....2....KICKOUT! That's the same move that gave JD Badluck a victory earlier tonight, and it almost came through AGAIN for Ricky Kabe! Kabe up quickly again and DROPS A LEG across the back of Nevada's head! And another! And ANOTHER! Nevada could be in trouble here!"
LADY VERONICA: "Ricky is playing it smart here, Tony! He's staying on the attack, and not giving Nevada Smith a chance to recover! It may not even come down to what kind of TACTICS he uses. PERSISTENCE ALONE might be the key for him tonight!"
TONY ROSS: "Kabe pulls him up again, and now he's CHOKING HIM! CHOKING HIM OUT up AGAINST the ROPES! Danny Diaper's is SCREAMING at Kabe to let him go!! He's gonna DISQUALIFY him - he's up to 3...4.....and Kabe lets him go just before 5! Now Ricky, takes off running.....off the opposite ropes and back at Nevada.....BACKDROP!! A BACKDROP! Nevada Smith just BACK BODYDROPPED Ricky Kabe OVER the top rope and all the way to the floor!!"
LADY VERONICA: "Nevada didn't have much behind that counter there, but he didn't NEED to! Kabe's momentum did most of the work for him, and carried Ricky right over the top! That's a SURE-FIRE way to turn a match around in a heartbeat!"
TONY ROSS: "Nevada now, rolls under the bottom rope and outside! He pulls Kabe up and OH, WHATTA RIGHT HAND by Nevada! Nevada is just DRILLING Kabe with those SOUPBONE hands! Now KABE'S fighting back with right hands! These two street brawlers are GOING TO WAR right in front of us, and LISTEN TO THIS CROWD!"
JAKE SHADES: "C'mon Kabe!"
TONY ROSS: "Nevada with a kick to the gut, and he slaps on a side headlock! He might be trying to catch a breather here an---OH MY! Ricky Kabe just RAN Nevada RIGHT INTO the ringpost! Nevada's down! GREAT move by Kabe! And look at him stomping away at Nevada, face down!"
JAKE SHADES: "YES! HAHAA! That was GREAT! Don't worry, Nevada hit head first, so no real damage was done!"
LADY VERONICA: "Look at that SNEER as Kabe slowly pulls Nevada up! A kick to the gut...HEAD BETWEEN THE LEGS!! COUNTERFIETER on the FLOOR....NO! Nevada with a double-leg takedown! Legs hooked....SLINGSHOT! Nevada just put Kabe into the 2nd row with a slingshot!!"
TONY ROSS: "Kabe might be in more trouble than he can handle right now! He's right in the middle of God-knows-how-many Los Angelinos! They're just SWARMING HIM out there! We need security out there to keep the crowd off him!"
JAKE SHADES: "Somebody get him a bar of SOAP! I hear it's like KRYPTONITE to these people! They aren't quite white trash, but they're too STUPID to know that!"
TONY ROSS: "Nevada's up, and now HE'S going into the crowd! People are EVERYWHERE as Nevada pulls Kabe up....and RAMS him HEADFIRST into the guardrail! And now look at him STOMP Kabe into the ground while the crowd cheers him on!"
LADY VERONICA: "I'm not sure what Danny Diaper is doing out there, but he could've legitimately stopped this match about 5 times already! I haven't heard a bell, and I haven't seen any countout! He's just out there trying to get Kabe and Nevada back in the ring!"
TONY ROSS: "Well this is NOT a No-DQ match, but it's Diaper's prerogative on how far he's prepared to let this go! Nevada brings Kabe up and now he HOOKS him between his legs! JACKNIFE? YE-No! He couldn't GET HIM UP! Tries again....STILL No! AND KABE COUNTERS WITH A BODYDROP BACK *OVER* the guardrail to the floor!"
LADY VERONICA: "A BRILLIANT counter by Ricky Kabe, and now he's on the attack! Kabe mounts the guardrail, and COMES OFF WITH A Vertical Elbow to Nevada on the floor! Nevada took that RIGHT across the throat!"
JAKE SHADES: "Counterfiet! C'mon Ricky! Put him away!"
TONY ROSS: "Nevada might be having trouble breathing, but Kabe won't stop the assault! Nevada back to his feet. Kabe with an irish whip....and NEVADA goes headfirst into the STEEL STEPS! What a VICIOUS move by Ricky Kabe, and Nevada's in SERIOUS trouble here!"
LADY VERONICA: "Kabe CLEARLY has the momentum here, and he's not stopping to admire his handiwork! Nevada's trying to get up, and Kabe shoots up to the apron! Nevada doesn't SEE HIM, and RICKY KABE just hit a RUNNING CLOTHESLINE from the ring apron!!"
TONY ROSS: "I think Kabe's gonna try to put the KILLSHOT on him right now! He just picked up one piece of the STEEL STEPS....."
JAKE SHADES: "Oh yes! Move out of the way, Ross! I gotta see this!"
TONY ROSS: "Kabe's got the steps and-- LOW BLOW! A low blow by Nevada Smith and that might've bought him a little time! Kabe's legs gave out under him and he dropped the steps! Nevada up quickly, and CONNECTS with a RIGHT HAND! AND ANOTHER! Kabe might be little groggy, and Nevada rolls him into the ring!"
LADY VERONICA: "Finally..."
TONY ROSS: "Kabe is CRAWLING now across the ring, trying to create some distance here and get himself together! Using the ropes to pull himself, and here comes Nevada....and this time it's *KABE* hitting a low blow, and he stops Nevada DEAD in his TRACKS!"
LADY VERONICA: "Boy, Danny Diaper is letting a LOT of stuff slide in this one!"
TONY ROSS: "Kabe now, irish whip...Nevada off the ropes....Kabe - head down...Nevada stops.....SWINGING NECKBREAKER! A swinging neckbreaker by Nevada Smith! Ricky made a cardinal error there, and he paid for it! Nevada really WRENCHED the neck on that move! Now Nevada with a COVER - ONE....TWO....TH--NO! Nevada kicked out - excuse me, *KABE* kicked out!"
LADY VERONICA: "It's easy to get mixed up here Tony, this match has been going BACK AND FORTH since the opening bell!"
JAKE SHADES: "Admit it, you two! Kabe's got GUTS! Nevada's supposed to be this big bad biker, and Kabe's showing us all what a FRAUD he is!"
TONY ROSS: "Calm down, Jake...I think we're a long way from being done here! Nevada is up first. He's got one of Ricky's legs and DROPS and elbow across the knee! Up again and DROPS another one! Interesting! You don't normally see this kind of offensive FOCUS from Nevada!"
LADY VERONICA: "No you don't, Tony, and I gotta say, it's good strategy! As the match goes on, fatigue will inevitably set in, and if Nevada can elminate one of Ricky's legs, that'll be a HUGE advantage!"
TONY ROSS: "Kabe senses this strategy, and now LOOKIT him fight Nevada off! He's KICKING at Nevada's hands, and he breaks free! Now he's fighting to get up, and takes a WILD SWING and Nevada! He blocks - pulls Kabe in....DIAMOND CUTTER! DIAMOND CUTTER! THAT COULD BE IT! NEVADA, With a cover: ONE....TWO....THREE!!"
LADY VERONICA: "NOOOO! NO! NO! Kabe got a SHOULDER UP, just BARELY! JUST BARELY! I thought Kabe was out of it!"
JAKE SHADES: (sighing) "Ahh God...."
TONY ROSS: "So did I, Veronica! So did I! But Danny Diaper waved off the three count! Nevada now, obviously a bit winded, is rolling outside the ring. What is he doing? He...he's got a STEEL CHAIR! Nevada just relieved the timekeeper of his seat, and now he's taking a STEEL CHAIR into the ring with him!"
LADY VERONICA: "Danny Diaper cannot allow that, Tony! I know he's been letting these two men wage war however they please, but this is getting ridiculous!...Good, good. You see Diaper getting right in the face of Nevada here! In the meantime, Ricky Kabe is STILL down!"
TONY ROSS: "Nevada is trying to get around Danny Diaper, but Danny isn't giving an inch this time! He's probably going to have to physically take the chair out of---wait a second, there's somebody...who's that?......It's Billy....BILLY MATTHEWS! Billy Matthews is on his way to ringside!"
LADY VERONICA: "Billy's already yelling and look - he's up on the apron JAWING at Nevada! Nevada's giving it right back--AND HE RUSHES HIM with the CHAIR! But Matthews ducks right out of there!"
TONY ROSS: "Nevada's just PAWING at him with the chair, and he--wait a second! Ricky Kabe just NIPPED UP on his feet! He must've playing possoum, and Nevada doesn't SEE HIM....SCHOOLBOY! ONE.....TWO....THRE--NOO! Nevada was taken totally off guard, but he still managed to kick out!"
LADY VERONICA: "Nice double-edged tandem strategy by Kabe and Matthews! Diaper's got the chair out of the ring, and Kabe almost STOLE this match thanks to Matthews's DISTRACTION!"
JAKE SHADES: "WHAT? How is that STEALING *anything*?? Nevada had a chair in the ring, ILLEGALLY, and why is it Kabe's fault that Nevada couldn't keep his eye on the ball?"
TONY ROSS: "Both men up now! Nevada tries a lariat, but Kabe DUCKS...Kabe with a rake to the eyes, and DDT! Another cover: ONE.....TWO....THRE---NO! Nevada gets the shoulder up again!"
LADY VERONICA: "But you'll notice, NO authority kickout there! Both men are feeling the effects of this BRUTAL match! Kabe pulls Nevada up again. Hooks him! A SUPLEX....but Nevada DROPS down behind...*GERMAN* SUPLEX!!! ONE....TWO.....THREE!! NOOOOOOO!!! KABE GOT THE SHOULDER UP *AGAIN*!"
TONY ROSS: "Nevada wearily picks Kabe up again. BOTH men look to be just about out if it! Nevada - irish whip.....Kabe off the ropes and COMES IN WITH A LOU THESZ PRESS...no, NO! Nevada CAUGHT HIM COMING IN.....SPINEBUSTER! LEGS HOOKED!! ONE.....TWO.....THREE!!
JAKE SHADES: "NOOOOOOO!! NO! HE DIDN'T GET HIM!"
LADY VERONICA: "Jake finally got one right Tony! Danny Diaper is saying that Ricky managed to KICK OUT just BEFORE THREE! And LOOK at Matthews at RINGSIDE! I'm not sure HE can believe it either! That move was a modified version of the "Devil's Drop" - one of Nevada's signature moves!"
TONY ROSS: "Kabe looks SEMI-CONSCIOUS in there as Nevada pulls him up! Irish wh--huh? Nevada just tried to irish whip Kabe, but *MATTHEWS* reached in and tripped *KABE*. Kabe falls flat on his FACE in the center of the ring! What's up with Matthews now?? What is THIS about? Nevada's looking down at him, and he doesn't get it EITHER! Matthews is holding his hands up like he didn't do anything, but we saw him....(sighs).....I don't know.....Nevada doesn't know either, apparantly. He turns back to Kabe, and WALKS RIGHT INTO A KICK TO THE GUT!!!! ARMS HOOKED!!!!! COUNTERFEITER!!!!!! COUNTERFEITER!!!! KABE NAILED IT!!! HE GOT IT!!! IT'S OVER!!! IT'S OVER!!!!!! TRYING TO TURN HIM OVER!!!!!! AND.............THERE IT IS!! REF IN POSITION!!!! ONE!..............TWO!..........THREE!!!!! HE DID I-FOOTONTHEROPES!!! FOOT ON THE ROPES!!! NEVADA TRIED TO KICKOUT, and a FOOT DROPPED on the BOTTOM RING ROPE! HE DIDN'T GET HIM!"
(Jake Shades seems to be fighting for a breath.)
LADY VERONICA: "If THAT doesn't get the job done, I just don't know what will! A brilliant, if underhanded tactic by Billy Matthews to give his man Ricky the half-SECOND he needed to hit the Counterfeiter, and he just missed pulling out the victory there!"
TONY ROSS: "Both men are COMPLETELY exhausted, Veronica! Kabe is basically DRAGGING Nevada to his feet here. Head betWEEN THE LEGS...ANOTHER COUNTERFEI-no...Nevada COLLAPSES! He can barely stand as it is! But I don't think Kabe is going to be DENIED tonight.....He hooks the arms, and PULLS..with ALL his MIGHT...NEVADA to his feet again! BUT LOOK AT THIS!! NEVADA *FORCING* HIMSELF TO STRAIGHTEN UP! BACKDROP...NO! SUNSET FLIP by Kabe! WAIT!! Nevada DROPS DOWN!! LEGS HOOKED!! ONE.......TWO.......THREE!!!"
{SFX: DINGDINGDING}
JAKE SHADES: "NO!"
LADY VERONICA: "HE DID IT! NEVADA DID IT!! HE'S WON!!"
PAUL KRAMER: "THE WINNER OF THIS INCREDIBLE MATCH........NEVADA......SMIIIIIIIITTTTTHHHH!!!!"
TONY ROSS: "It might've been SHEER exhaustion, but Nevada was able to cradle Kabe long enough for the thre- AND LOOK OUT!!! Billy Matthews is in the ring and look at him UNLOAD on NEVADA SMITH!! RICKY KABE is back up and HE joins in!! NEVADA is HELPLESS here!!"
JAKE SHADES: "SERVES HIM RIGHT!"
TONY ROSS: "Serves him right, my a(FCC)s! Nevada won this match fair and square! This is a DAMN SHAME, even for Ricky Kabe, who could've folded his tent a long time ago, but hung in there! THIS IS A DISGRACE!!"
LADY VERONICA: "Danny Diaper's totally lost control in there, and RICKY KABE JUST THREW HIM RIGHT OUTA THE RING! We needs some help down here!"
(CUEUP: "Shapes of Things" by The Jeff Healy Band)
TONY ROSS: "WAIT A MINUTE!! THAT'S.....That's....."
(THE CROWD POPS *HARDCORE*)
TONY ROSS: "JEAN RABESQUE!!!! JEAN RABESQUE!! HE'S HERE!!! JEAN RABESQUE has RETURNED to the FWF!!"
(Rabesque appears at the entranceway, dressed in a pair of blue jeans)
JAKE SHADES: "WHAT?!?!!? AH SH(FCC)IT!! WHAT is *HE* DOING HERE?? HE QUIT!! HE'S DONE!! SHOULDN'T He be ARRESTED for showing up here?"
LADY VERONICA: "What is going on here? I would've thought that Rabesque would be here to help Nevada, but he's still down at the entranceway! And he's got a MICROPHONE! What the..."
(In the ring, both Matthews and Kabe stopped the Nevada's beatdown, and turn toward Rabesque, who is smiling broadly.)
JEAN RABESQUE: "Well well well......I guess it's good to know that somethings will NEVER change, even after I drop out of sight for a month or so. Billy, the son I never had OR wanted is still obsessed with Nevada Smith, and Ricky "I played Division III College Football, and you're all fake" Kabe STILL can't win a high profile match to save his life!" (He chuckles, and the crowd pops small. Matthews and Kabe are noticably upset, and call Rabesque out from the ring.) "Oh no no no boys, I wouldn't DREAM of tarnishing the shining moment of your careers by copping out and un-retiring for the sake of MAULING the two of you tonight in Dodger Stadium!" (Cheap heat from the locals, but you take whatever you can get) "I just stopped by to check in on my old co-workers...to see how things were doing without the grizzled "vet" around to keep you in line. And also....also I stopped in to INFORM you that if you don't stop this personal MUGGING you've got going on here, I will see that you are fined a TOTAL of TWENTY-FIVE *THOUSAND* DOLLARS *EACH*!"
(The crowd pops HARD. Matthews sneers at Rabesque, and Kabe flips him off.)
TONY ROSS: "What? What is he TALKING about? What fines?"
JEAN RABESQUE: "Oh! So you haven't heard the good news?? WELL! Good thing I showed up then, to play the messenger! You see boys, for *15* long years, I heard the same old stories from the "experts". They told me that all my friends were colorblind, and that the only color they really saw was "green". They told me that having friends is a great thing in wrestling, but RELYING on friends is a VERY dangerous thing, because they always looking out for themselves FIRST! They told me playing by the rules was not only COWARDLY, but it was quickest way to get LEFT BEHIND in the business! Well boys, the good news is: They were WRONG! See, APPARANTLY, not rocking the boat DOES pay off occasionally, because 3 hours ago....3 hours ago, I got off a non-stop flight direct from Chicago, where I had a very interesting meeting with Joe LeBron and Scott Malec....(The crowd pops again. Matthews and Kabe look puzzled)...These....are BUSINESSMEN. They aren't camera-hogs, they're not wrestlers.....Hell, between you and me, they're not even that ATHLETIC either...(He chuckles again)...No, they're businessmen, and apparantly, that's ALL they want to be from now on! But if that's gonna happen...they're gonna need somebody...SOMEBODY to take the reins, so to speak....(He cracks a small smile)....So that's why..(he reaches into his back pocket and pulls out a folded piece of paper)....I signed this piece of paper...and that's why.......I am the new COMMISSIONER of the FWF!!
(*CROWD POPS HARDCORE*)
(Matthews and Kabe are throwing a FIT in the ring)
JAKE SHADES: "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!
LADY VERONICA: "COMMISSIONER JEAN RABESQUE! WHAT AN ANNOUNCEMENT!!! That's makes 2 guys looking for reasons to fire you, Shades!!!"
JAKE SHADES: "WHAT IN GOD'S NAME IS GOING ON???
TONY ROSS: "I TOLD you it was gonna be a long night for ya, Jake!"
JEAN RABESQUE: "So from now on....all in-ring decisions will be made by ME! So, if you truly value your employment here gentlemen, not to mention those lucrative contracts you're sporting, you'll get the HELL out of that ring NOW. *I've* got a show to run...."
TONY ROSS: "WOW!! Jean Rabesque is the new Commissioner of the FWF, and Matthews and Kabe are INCENSED!! And--Wait a minute! From behind, Nevada Smith is back on his feet.......DOUBLE CLOTHESLINES sends *BOTH* MEN over the top and OUT OF THE RING!!!"
(CUEUP: "The Good, The Bad and The Ugly" by Ennio Marricone)
LADY VERONICA: "What a night so far Tony, and we have PLENTY more to come! We've got the Extreme Ring Title match coming up after the break, not to mention in our main event later on, Black Sage and Billy Matthews for the FWF National Championship!"
TONY ROSS: "FANS, don't you go anyhwere!! We'll be right back!"
(Matthews and Kabe are hurling obscenities at Rabesque and Nevada. Rabesque is chuckling to himself as we FADEOUT)
{FADEOUT to commercials about BEER. (http://www.beer.com)}
{FADEIN to the trio of terror} TONY ROSS: "Welcome back to Chavez Ravine fans, and WOW, we're still trying to recover from the announcement made just before we last went to break! JEAN RABESQUE has come out of retirement, in a manner of speaking, and he has been made COMMISSIONER of the FWF!"
JAKE SHADES: "First, they put some flat-chested BIMBO in the broadcast booth as a replacement for a loud-mouthed wrestling legend. NEXT, they appoint a geratric Canadian HAS-BEEN to Commissioner! What's NEXT?"
LADY VERONICA: "Well Jake, if your "fish-out-of-water"-themed WHINING were valid, I think the next step would be for Scott and Joe to sign the entire company over to you!"
JAKE SHADES: "Huh?"
TONY ROSS: (chuckling) "I think you lost him back at the "fish-out-of-water" part, Veronica! At any rate, we're just about ready for our 2nd title match of the evening to begin! Let's send it back up to Paul Kramer..."
JAKE SHADES: "Did you just call me a fish?"
{SFX: DINGDINGDING}
(CUTTO: Paul Kramer, in the ring, mic in hand)
(CUEUP: "The Thin Line" by Queensryche)
PAUL KRAMER: "ABOUT to come down the aisle....is the CHALLENGER......From SEATTLE, WASHINGTON.....weighing 240 pounds...........NEMESIIIIIISSSSS!!!"
(Nemesis BURSTS through the curtain, and is greeted by LOUD ovation from the fans. He responds by slapping hi-fives, and shaking hands as he makes his way SLOWLY down the aisle. He's wearing a black muscle shirt, with black pants and wrestling boots.)
TONY ROSS: "The POSTER-BOY for "Nice Guys Incorporated"! Nemesis made the challenge to Suicide King for the Extreme Ring at a recent San Diego house show! He claims to hold Suicide King in high regard, and earlier this year in Peoria, Illinois, these two men went at it, and the match ended in a DRAW. Tonight, we see the rematch, and this time it's for FWF gold!"
JAKE SHADES: "Yeah, he's the posterboy for a LOT of things, like the increased use of prophylactics! And this guy thinks he's gonna win the Extreme Ring?! That'd be a TRAVESTY! I thought Asylum was pretty bad, but at least HE brought that loony-bin girlfriend with him!"
(CUEUP: "Never Ending You Line" by Nora)
PAUL KRAMER: "Annnd his OPPONENT.....from OSAKA, JAPAN....weighing in at 261 pounds....He is the *DEFENDING* F...W...F.......EXTREME RINGHOLDER.....SUUICIIDE KIIIIIIIINNNNNGG!!"
(The fans BOO LOUDLY as Suicide King comes through the curtain. He is an IMPRESSIVE sight. His chest is COVERED in scars, with one rather large and deep one gutted in there. His left NIPPLE is missing. On both his arms are three Japanese symbols. His feet are bare, but wrapped in medical tape. His hair is black, but with dreads in various colors. And lest we forget, prominent on his left hand is the Extreme Ring.)
LADY VERONICA: "The champion....very calm and collected, but in SHARP contrast to what I believe you are about to see IN the ring!"
TONY ROSS: "We have EMTs ready on standby fans, and HERE COMES SUICIDE KING, coming in on a DEAD RUN!"
(SFX: DINGDINGDING)
TONY ROSS: "There's the bell, and HERE WE GO!! King and Nemesis are TRADING right hands to start this match!! And now it's King getting the upper hand! Back to the ropes, irish whip - Nemesis off the ropes, back at King...kick to the gut! Now King hooks him and a GUTWRENCH POWERBOMB!! Oh MY!!"
LADY VERONICA: "One thing you'll notice here Tony is that Suicide King's weight is listed at 261, but he's not even 6 feet tall. That's a LOT of body weight packed into a small frame, and Suicide King might be the THICKEST man on the roster! His frame makes him IDEAL for absorbing punishment!"
TONY ROSS: "The same might not be said for Nemesis, and RIGHT OFF THE BAT, he's got an uphill climb! Suicide King pulls Nemesis up, irish whip again...off the ropes and KING CONNECTS with a SPINNING LEG LARIAT! King right back on the attack now! Pull hims up, another irish whip, no - reversed by Nemesis! Suicide King off the ropes, and CATCHES Nemesis with his head down! Hooks him, another POWERBOMB, NO! Nemesis drops DOWN WITH A DDT!!"
JAKE SHADES: "You ever hear how King lost that nipple?"
LADY VERONICA: "No, how?"
JAKE SHADES: "Let's just say, the prostitutes in Osaka have an "alternate payment plan"!"
TONY ROSS: "CAN IT, Jake! King rolls out to the floor, trying to get himself together! Nemesis now, off the ropes, King doesn't SEE HIM and......SOMERSAULT PLANCHA!! NEMESIS did a FRONT SOMERSAULT *OVER* the top rope to the floor! Suicide King never even saw it coming!"
LADY VERONICA: "NOT the type of move you're used to seeing from Nemesis! You'd normally see traditional wrestling techniques from him, but one of his strengths has always been his ability to adapt to almost any style!"
TONY ROSS: "Nemesis pulls him up, and SIDE RUSSIAN LEG SWEEP! RIGHT ON THE FLOOR! This would be a good time to remind everybody that this match is no Disqualification, and no Countouts! Pinfalls can occur ANYWHERE! And here we are - Nemesis with a COVER! ONE....TWO....and a kickout by Suicide King!"
JAKE SHADES: "Ah c'mon! Some people find a way to ruin EVERYTHING! People want to see CAREERS ended, and guys being stretchered out! Instead, we get a fan-friendly PSEUDO-tough guy out there trying to WRESTLE! Are you SURE we can't DQ him?"
LADY VERONICA: "Positive, Jake."
TONY ROSS: "Both men getting to their feet now...And Nemesis with a waistlock, and an ATOMIC DRO-no! King blocked it, and a thumb to eye stops Nemesis! AND KING follows up with a HUGE LARIAT, and he almost took Nemesis out of his boots!!"
JAKE SHADES: "Haha! At least there SOMEBODY who's not ready to let this match become a complete ABORTION!"
TONY ROSS: "Nemesis was knocked face down from that lariat, and --right on time, Suicide King has just pulled himself a STEEL CHAIR! Nemesis doesn't see him and - (SFX: CRACK!!!) GOOD GOD!!! (SFX: CRACK!!!) JESUS CHR--(SFX: CRACK!!!) SUICIDE KING IS *BLUDGEONING* NEMESIS WITH THAT CHAIR!! OH GOD, SOMEBODY STOP HIM!!!!"
JAKE SHADES: "BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHA!! That was AWESOME!! You think if I asked nice, he'd let me take a shot at him too?"
LADY VERONICA: "Oh my God, Nemesis is BUSTED wide open, bleeding from the back of the head! And look at Suicide King SMILE down at him!"
TONY ROSS: "That was BRUTAL, Veronica....ABSOLUTELY BRUTAL! Suicide King now, leaves his man laying, now where's he going? He's up on the apron...and NOW GOING TO THE TOP!!! Nemesis, trying to get to his feet, and now he's got the chair.....(SFX: Crack!) JESUS CHR(FCC)IST!!! Nemesis just HEAVED that chair up at Suicide King, and he just took a FLYING HEADER OFF THE TOP ROPE ONTO THE FLOOR!!!!"
LADY VERONICA: "Hard to tell from our vantage, Tony, just how King landed, but he fell from at LEAST 10 feet in the air, and he is NOT moving!"
TONY ROSS: "Look at Nemesis CRAWL on his hands and knees! Blood is POURING out of the back of his head, and he's SLOWLY making his way over to Suicide King! King STILL hasn't moved an INCH, annnnddd...............GETS AN ARM OVER HIM!! Bennett down for the COVER - ONE......TWO........THRE---NOOO!!! KING got a shoulder up!!"
LADY VERONICA: "I would be CONCERNED about the amount of blood Nemesis is losing, Tony! Nothing bleeds quite like the scalp, and in a match made up almost ENTIRELY of high-impact moves, you have to wonder just how long Nemesis will be able to hold out!"
JAKE SHADES: "Well THIS is what the L.A. public DEMANDS! It's a rare day when these people go a long time without seeing carnage like this! We had to throw them a bone at SOME point!"
TONY ROSS: "Now it's Nemesis SLOWLY pulling Suicide King to his feet....SWINGING NECKBREAKER, and KING goes down HARD once again! Another cover! ONE.....TWO......THR- and ANOTHER kickout by the Extreme Ringholder! Now, Nemesis getting back to his feet - what is he DOING? He's back on the apron, and CLIMBING the TURNBUCKLES........SHOOTING STAR PRESS!!!! MISSES!! HE MISSED!!! MISCALCULATION THERE, and Nemesis OVERSHOT his target by NEARLY a FOOT!"
LADY VERONICA: "I think we're beginning to see the effects of extended BLOOD LOSS, Tony! We said earlier that Nemesis was capable of adapting to almost ANY style, but a move as HIGH-RISK as a Shooting Star Press should NEVER be attempted without significant training, ESPECIALLY over the ringside floor! All that blood he's losing, it begins to effect strength, coordination, balance, timing, and judgement! And there's the result, a SEVERE miscue by Nemesis that might've just cost him the MATCH!"
JAKE SHADES: "Pay no attention to the dumpy woman with the shrilly voice, kids! None of these moves REALLY hurt, and all that red stuff coming out of Nemesis's head is just Kool-Aid! So feel free to try out all these NEAT-O moves out at home whenever you want to! Who knows, you might have a talent for PRO-WRESTLING, and before you know it, you're KNEE-DEEP in money and horny groupies!"
TONY ROSS: "JAKE!"
JAKE SHADES: "What? I'm just reading what's on my format!"
TONY ROSS: (sighing) "Suicide King now, back up to his feet first! He's crawls back onto the apron as *Nemesis* begins to pull himself up. King now, measuring Nemesis for the strike.........FLYING HEAD SCISSORS!! What a BEAUTIFUL MOVE that was!! King WRAPPED up his legs VICIOUSLY whipped Nemesis over with them! He pulls him up AGAIN, and now he's walking him over towards the guardrail! What the--? Now he's---oh my, Don't TELL ME!!!.....A SUPLEX ACROSS THE GUARDRAIL! And I SWEAR, we could HEAR the "CRACK" of Nemesis's SPINE ACROSS that metal RAIL!!"
LADY VERONICA: "We can see the body of Nemesis CONTORTING as he's face-down just inside the rail! I know that technically, these are the rules of the match, but I think Willie Bennett should give serious thought to STOPPING this one! Nemesis could have SEVERE damage to his spinal column or his lower back. And aside from Suicide King and our own Jake Shades, I don't think anybody wants to see a man in a wheelchair for the rest of his life!"
JAKE SHADES: "TOO BAD, 'cause ole' S-KAY and yours truly are the only ones who GET to vote on this one! And we say CRIPPLE the peace-loving BASTARD!"
TONY ROSS: "Suicide King KNOWS he can take all the time in the world here, and he's doing just that! He's headed in our direction and --what the?? He's PULLING UP the protective MATS that are surrounding the ring! Fans, we've got a wooden platform, constructed over the grass for this event, and Suicide King has just EXPOSED it!! What could POSSIBLY he have in mind? Now....now he's going under the ring.....AND HE'S GOT A TABLE!! SUICIDE KING has just pulled a TABLE OUT from UNDER THE RING!! And LISTEN TO THESE FANS!!"
JAKE SHADES: "YEAH! What did I tell ya, Ross? They want SICK, DEPRAVED CARNAGE! And Suicide King is gonna FORCE-FEED them all they can handle!!"
LADY VERONICA: "Suicide King just set that table up, right over that exposed wood!"
JAKE SHADES: "Remember what I said earlier about how things sound when you use your imagination, Veronica?
TONY ROSS: "I'm only HALF-SURE that Nemesis is still BREATHING at this point, but Suicide King has him now, and he pulls him up to his feet! Now's he basically DRAGGING him around by the hair - Nemesis is pretty much out of it! King just ROLLS him onto the table, face-up! I'm not sure Nemesis knows where he's at, or if he could DO anything about it if he did! The smile is back on Suicide King's face, and CLIMBS THE TURNBUCKLES....HE MUST BE PERCHED 10 or 12 FEET IN THE AIR!! ARMS HELD HIGH, AND..........."
JAKE SHADES: "AH C'MON!! HOW CHEAP IS THAT??"
LADY VERONICA: "Not cheap at all, Jake!! More like a REFLEX action, I think! Fans, Nemesis pretty much just FELL off the table as Suicide King was preparing to leap! I doubt that it was a matter of cunning or craft, folks! It certainly didn't take Suicide King by surprise - he held his ground on the top rope! Whatever he had planned, he had to abort it!"
JAKE SHADES: "What a COWARDLY move...."
TONY ROSS: "Or incredibly intelligent, depending on how much you've had to drink in the last 5 hours! In any event, Suicide King is down off the apron, and not wasting any time! He has Nemesis again, and DRILLS him, HEADFIRST into the ring apron, and now rolls him back INTO the ring! Wow, for an Extreme Ring match, this is a little novel!"
JAKE SHADES: "You know what else would be pretty "novel", Tony? If you could stop pretending to be so DAMN amused by all these CONTRIVED observations....."
TONY ROSS: "Suicide King back in the ring as well. He pulls Nemesis back to his feet, and wow, Nemesis can barely stand on his own! Now King with irish whip, Nemesis off the ropes.....WOAH!! WOAH! Suicide King must've got caught day dreaming, because Nemesis just SLAMMED INTO him coming off the ropes on that irish whip! Nemesis is down again, but the IMPACT sent Suicide KING THROUGH the ropes, and ALMOST onto the table at ringside!"
LADY VERONICA: "If "Act of Desperation" could be referenced in a dictionary, what we find might not look a whole lot different then what we just saw! I'm not really sure WHAT it was - I think Nemesis basically THREW himself at Suicide King!"
TONY ROSS: "Well whatever he did, it was EFFECTIVE! Suicide King got KNOCKED all the way out to the apron, and Nemesis is once again, FACE-DOWN on the mat, but you can see he might be starting to pull himself together a little bit!"
JAKE SHADES: "Not if King has anything to say about it! See?? Look what he's doing!! HA!"
TONY ROSS: "King's got Nemesis by the hair, and LOOK AT THIS, he's CHOKING HIM OUT on the 2nd rope!! Just LEANING all his weight on him! Almost like his PUNISHMENT for trying to fight back! Willie Bennett has the count going there, not that it means anything! King can just go on choking Nemesis out all night long if he wants!"
JAKE SHADES: "I wish he would! I like watching his feet kick and SQUIRM, like a CHICKEN with no HEAD!"
TONY ROSS: "Suicide King FINALLY let's the choke go, and look at him SMILE again! Now he's pointing at the table on the floor, and slashing his throat! I think he's just about DONE toying with Nemesis here!"
LADY VERONICA: "One can only hope, considering the amount of blood Nemesis's has lost tonight, and who knows what kind of injuries!"
TONY ROSS: "King has him by the hair again, and he PULLS him up from the outside! He's got him HOOKED!!! LOOKING FOR A SUPERPLEX, but Nemesis COLLAPSES to his knees! King can't suplex him!! I'm not sure whether I call that a lucky break or good strate--wait a second. What is he doing? WHAT IS NEMESIS DOING??? HE just CUT UP through the 2nd ROPE, and now he's got Suicide King is some kind of--THE WRATH OF VENGEANCE!!! THAT'S THE WRATH OF VENGEANCE! HE'S GOT HIM HOOKED! KING IS FIGHTING IT! NEMESIS IS TRYING TO PUSH HIM OVER.........(SFX: CRASH!!!!!) HELL YEAH! HELL YEAH! NEMESIS DRILLED IT! RIGHT THROUGH THE TABLE!! ALL THE WAY TO THE FLOOR!! OH! MY! GOD!! THEY'RE BOTH DOWN!! AND *NEMESIS* HAS AN ARM DRAPED OVER HIS CHEST!! BENNETT'S IN POSITION!!!"
JAKE SHADES: "OH NO, NOT AGAIN!!!!!!"
TONY ROSS: ONE.................TWO..................THREE!!!!!!!!!
{SFX: DINGDINGDING}
LADY VERONICA: "WE'VE GOT A NEW CHAMPION!!!!!!"
JAKE SHADES: "AAHHHHHHHH!!!!!"
(CUEUP: "The Thin Line" by Queensryche)
PAUL KRAMER: "THE WINNER OF THIS BOUT...........AND THE NEEEEEEWWWWW F..W..F EXTREME RINGHOLDER................NEEEEEMEEESIIIIIISSS!!!!!"
JAKE SHADES: "IT'S NOT *FAIR*! IT'S just not FAIR!"
TONY ROSS: Whatta maneuver by Nemesis!! Totally took Suicide King by surprise, came up THROUGH the ropes and hooked him in in "The Wrath"! From there, it was a matter of COULD take the move OFF the apron and through the table? DAMN right he could! Almost PERFECTLY executed, and basically took BOTH men out of commission on impact! But Nemesis landed with an arm over King's chest! 1, 2, 3, and Ladies and Gentlemen, we've got ourselves a new Extreme Ringholder!"
LADY VERONICA: "Jake seems pretty despondant over the outcome, and that's quickly becoming music to my ears! Fans, as you see our EMTS working on BOTH men, we're gonna go to another commerical break! The ring crews have a bit to clean up, but when we come back, we've got yet ANOTHER title match lined up for you! We are 2-for-2 in crowning new champions so far tonight - will the trend continue?? Stay tuned....."
{FADEOUT to commercials about the CARE BEARS!! Don't you just love them??? Neither do I. (http://care-a-lot.simplenet.com)
REMEMBER: "Love Grows Wherever Hugs Go!" Yup.....mmmmhmmmm......suuuure}
{FADEIN to Tony, Jake and Lady V at the broadcast booth} TONY ROSS: "Welcome back fans! It's been a veritable WHIRLWIND tonight! We've seen TWO new champions crowned, and a host of exciting events as well, but--"
JAKE SHADES: "Just to clarify something Ross, just because all YOUR favorites won, and you've spent the last hour and 20 minutes trying to cop a cheap feel on your color commentator, that doesn't neccessarily mean tonight was EXCITING..."
TONY ROSS: "Well, if YOU resembled those remarks Jake, I'm sure YOU'D call it exciting! But like I said, tonight ain't your night!"
LADY VERONICA: "As Tony was saying, TWO titles have changed hands ALREADY, and we've still got TWO more title matches to come, and the FWF World Champion, ANARKY is also set to be in action tonight!"
TONY ROSS: "While we were at break, both Suicide King AND Nemesis were escorted out with the help of EMTS, and the REMAINS of that wooden table have been swept up! I'm told that everything is back in order, so we're kick it back up to Paul Kramer for the introductions to our NEXT MATCH!"
{SFX: DINGDINGDING}
(CUTTO: Paul Kramer, in the ring, mic in hand)
(Kramer stops, and adjusts his earpiece. He's getting a message apparantly, and we see him nodding along with it)
(CUEUP: "Road Rage" by CatScan)
PAUL KRAMER: "About to come DOWN THE AISLE.......accompanied tonight by ICEKOLD...and JAMES and TRAVIS from the "ROAD TO VICTORY" tour....from KALAMAZOO, MICHIGAN....weighing in tonight at a COMBINED WEIGHT of 600 pounds....They are the F...W...F NATIONAL TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS.....COPYCAT and BLACK CAT......THE CAT PACK!!!!!"
(The CHAMPIONS burst through the curtain, followed closely by Icekold, and the duo of Travis and James in the rear. The crowd HALES BOOS down on the them. The entire group has on various attire, but all have on "CatScan" T-shirts.)
TONY ROSS: "Interesting...a bit of a BREAK with tradition here, as the champions have apparantly elected to enter the ring FIRST for their title defense tonight!"
LADY VERONICA: "Well, we've been hearing in recent weeks about the promise of a new song and music-video for "CatScan". Perhaps this early introduction was requested by the Cat Pack for that reason.."
TONY ROSS: "Well, apparantly there's something the Cat Pack wants to share with us, because CopyCat has apparantly gotten the microphone from Paul Kramer...."
(In the ring, CopyCat has a microphone in hand, and is raising his hands, asking for quiet.)
COPYCAT: "People of Los Angeles! Lend me your ears! As you know, at Frontier Madness, I made you a promise: I promised you that CatScan would soon have a BRAND-NEW song and music video! That's right, you can't hear this song on their album "Self-Titled and Darn Proud of It"...it deals mostly with wrestling and wouldn't be appropriate for the mainstream. It tackles the menacing issue of so many bad-asses in wrestling today, proving that CatScan is not just a group dedicated to great music and great humor - they also care about society. We couldn't get anybody to participate in the video, so we just added in some clips of the FWF's most prominent bad-asses. This song is a parody of Limp Bizkit's "Break Stuff"...we call it "Fake Stuff". Roll the tape!"
{The video monitor then comes alive with clips of FWF wrestlers such as the New Breed, the Candidates, Bad Company, Kraven and Flatliner, Licensed to Kill, the Franchise's Dream, Nevada Smith, Billy Matthews, Anarky, Stone Wolf, Gladiator, Jobber, and Nemesis, to name a few. Also, this song plays...}
*It?s just one of those days
*Where you just wanna act tough
*But you look like a schmuck ?cuz your interview skills suck
*You don?t really know why
*But you wanna justify
*Jumping someone in the parking lot
*Someone?s getting bitch-smacked
?Cuz if they overact
*Then it?s not in their contract
*Your best bet is to stay at home, motherf(BLEEP)ker
*?Cuz it seems nowadays
*It?s all about the lame-ass bad-ass bullsh(BLEEP)t
*I think you better quit pulling this sh(BLEEP)t
*?Cuz nobody likes it
*It?s all about the lame-ass bad-ass bullsh(BLEEP)t
*I think you better quit, or just get
*It?s just one of those days
*Feeling like you?re real neat
*That all you need to compete is to be a good athlete
*Damn right it?s a sneak attack
*You better watch your back
*Because I?m comin? with a Slapjack
*Your promos make me throw up
*But you won?t shut up
*Just keep bitchin? at the high-ups
*Your best bet is to stay at home, motherf(BLEEP)ker
*?Cuz it seems nowadays
*It?s all about the lame-ass bad-ass bullsh(BLEEP)t
*I think you better quit pulling this sh(BLEEP)t
*?Cuz nobody likes it
*It?s all about the lame-ass bad-ass bullsh(BLEEP)t
*I think you better quit, or just get, punk
*A better gimmick
*You sound like sh(BLEEP)t
*My suggestion is to keep your day job
*?Cuz this one is lame-ass
*You all sound like this
*And all act like this
*Whining that you?re being screwed
*By the high-ups
*I hope you know I pack a golf club
*Just watch your mouth, bub
*?Cuz if my day keeps going this way I just might jump someone tonight
*I pack a golf club
*Don?t piss me off, bub
*?Cuz if my day keeps going this way I just might jump someone tonight
*I pack a golf club
*Get out my way, bub
*?Cuz if my day keeps going this way I just might slam your fingers in a car door tonight
*Give me kayfabe to break
*Give me kayfabe to break
*Just give me kayfabe to break
*Don?t point out I?m a big fake
*I hope you know I pack a ball bat (what?)
*A lead pipe (what?)
*A motherf(BLEEP)kin? shotgun (what?)
*So come and get it
*It?s all about the lame-ass bad-ass bullsh(BLEEP)t
*I think you better quit pulling this sh(BLEEP)t
*?Cuz nobody likes it
*It?s all about the lame-ass bad-ass bullsh(BLEEP)t
*I think you better quit, or just get, punk
*A better gimmick
(The Cat Pack are all SMILES as the song and video come to an end, but the crowd isn't NEARLY as receptive. They continue to BOO them relentlessly.)
TONY ROSS: "Well.....that certainly was....interesting......Jake, what the--??
(Jake is clapping his li'l heart out)
JAKE SHADES: "BRILLIANT! FANTASTIC! Damn near brought a tear to my eye!!"
LADY VERONICA: "Well, it looks like Jake loved it. And hey, I guess even *I* have to give CatScan their due. That might be my NEW 2nd favorite song."
TONY ROSS: (surprised) "Really? Why, what's your favorite?"
LADY VERONICA: (wryly) "All the rest are tied."
(CUEUP: "Take the Power Back" by Rage Against the Machine)
PAUL KRAMER: "THEIR OPPONENTS....and CHALLENGERS....from WASHINGTON, D.C......weighing in tonight at 535 pounds....."TRICKY" DICK NICKSON and RONNIE RAYGAN....THE CANDIDATES!!!"
(The BOOING doesn't stop as Raygan and Nickson come through the curtain, acting the stereotypical politicians in an election year. "Tricky" Dick has his two finger salute working in full effect while Raygan is out trying to shake hands with the people down the aisle. In response, he is jeered mercilessly, but doesn't seem to notice.)
TONY ROSS: "Well, I doesn't seem like either of these teams are set to win any popularity contests. Both teams are being booed out of the building tonight!"
LADY VERONICA: "I don't think that matters so much to the Candidates tonight! The former Odd Couple is getting their shot at Tag Team gold, and as we've said, we've been watching a trend of NEW champions being crowned all night long! We might be about to see more of the same right here!"
JAKE SHADES: "What is this "trend" you two keep blathering about? It happened ONCE, and the other time the title was VACANT, so it shouldn't really come as a huge surprise that there's a new champion..."
TONY ROSS: "Well, not that either team has much of a cheering section, but the Cat Pack better not have gotten all wrapped up in their music-video that they forget about the Candi--HOLD ON!! The Cat Pack just WAYLAID the Candidates while their backs were turned! They've gotten the UPPER HAND ALREADY!"
(SFX: DINGDINGDING)
TONY ROSS: "The Cat Pack now, pairing off against the Candidates as this match officially gets underway! CopyCat is working over Dick Nickson in one corner, while Black Cat is taking care of a MUCH SMALLER Ronnie Raygan in the opposite corner!"
LADY VERONICA: "Fundemental tag team strategy should be the gameplan for BOTH teams tonight, Tony! Frequent tags, cut the ring off. I think I give the advantage to Cat Pack here. Both Black Cat AND CopyCat are near that 300-pound mark, and while that might be a big concern for Dick Nickson, Ronnie Raygan is nearly 80 pounds lighter! If I'm the Cat Pack, I want to take early advantage over Raygan, and use the power and strength factor to grind him up!"
JAKE SHADES: "I'm at a loss here. I don't know WHO I should be hating! I must admit, I love how the Cat Pack cheat so well!"
TONY ROSS: (ignoring Jake) "Black Cat and Copycat now - irish whips...NO! Both reversed, and THE CAT PACK COLLIDES IN THE CENTER OF THE RING!! Both men are a little STUNNED, and RAYGAN catches CopyCat with a SPINNING ROUNDHOUSE KICK!! Copycat is ROCKED back to the ropes and A HUGE CLOTHESLINE from Nickson SENDS HIM OVER AND OUT!!"
LADY VERONICA: "Nickson takes time flash the peace sign, and Black Cat catches Raygan with a LARIAT of his own! Now he turns to Nickson and WALKS INTO A BIIIG RIGHT HAND! AND ANOTHER! Nickson slaps on a Side Headlock, but Black Cat shoves him off! Nickson off the ropes...Black Cat - head down....NICKSON STOPS SHORT! HOOKS HIM AND....TIGER DRIVER!!"
TONY ROSS: "Now WAIT A MINUTE!! THAT'S THE SETUP!! Raygan to the TOP ROPE.......BEYOND REPROACH!! BEYOND REPROACH!! HE NAILED HIM!!! IT'S OVER!!! STU FIELDS, IN FOR THE COVER - ONE...............TWO...................THRE---AND COPYCAT REACHES IN AND PULLS BLACK CAT OUT OF THE RING!! I CAN'T BELIEVE IT!"
LADY VERONICA: "That was a flawless execution of "Beyond Reproach", Tony, and by ALL rights, the Candidates should've won the titles right there! But Copycat was able to reach in and pull Black Cat out of the pinning predicament in time, and apparantly Stu Fields has elected NOT to disqualify them!"
JAKE SHADES: "See what I'm talking about? That was brilliant teamwork you saw right there!"
TONY ROSS: "Teamwork?! Jake, where I come from, that's called "cheating"!"
JAKE SHADES: "So you see my point?"
TONY ROSS: "Now, both the Cat Pack are on the outside, trying DESPERATELY to regroup after almost bidding "adieu" to the tag titles a moment ago! But wait! Nickson isn't wasting any time! He's already out there, and LOOK AT HIM go to work on Copycat in the aisleway! Now he's got Black Cat again and JUST THROWS him right back into the ring! Black Cat is up quickly and--SCHOOLBOY by Raygan!! ONE....TWO....and a kickout by Black Cat!"
LADY VERONICA: "The Cat Pack need to pull it all together, pronto! That's TWICE they've been caught on the short end of a possible pinfall defeat!"
TONY ROSS: "Raygan SWINGS with a right hand! Black Cat blocks it and--Thumb to the eye! That stops Raygan short! And now it's Black Cat back on the offensive! He's got Raygan backed into a corner and OH MY, he just DRILLED his man with a FOREARM, right in the temple! Now, he's going for an irish whip --no, reversed by Raygan...Black Cat HARD into the corner, rebounds out and walks into a HUGE BACKDROP! Wow, amazing! A man that size!"
LADY VERONICA: "The Candidates need to be careful here, Tony! As long as Raygan is in control out there, it's almost a BETTER idea for him to be out there with a man this size, because Black Cat will certainly wear down quicker than Raygan will, especially if he's on the business end of all this punishment from the Candidates!"
JAKE SHADES: "Wait a second! Why do you always make these (coughs) intelligent points to *Tony*, and never to me?"
LADY VERONICA: "Because I don't LIKE you, Jake...."
TONY ROSS: (stifling a chuckle) "Raygan now, STILL on the offensive...going back to the top!! Another moonsault?? No! FLYING CROSS BODY catches Black Cat FLUSH! ONE.........TWO.....T-and another kickout from Black Cat! Raygan - he WON'T STOP!! He's LEAPS UP BEHIND BLACK CAT! VICTORY ROLL! ONE....TWO......NO!"
LADY VERONICA: "Raygan quickly back up! Has Black Cat - irish whip! BOTH men off the ropes, and Raygan catches him with a HURRACA-no wait!! Black Cat caught him, and a POWERBOMB! POWERBOMB! Black Cat caught Raygan going for a Hurracarana, and he just PLANTED HIM with a POWERBOMB!"
TONY ROSS: "Black Cat is SPENT out there, but he's not wasting anytime! Over to the corner, and THERE'S a tag! Copycat is in the match, and Raygan is still trying to regain his senses! Copycat IMMEDIATELY going to work with a BIG ELBOW to the head of Raygan! He's back in a corner again. Copycat grabs him and--WOW!! INCREDIBLE!! Copycat just LOFTED Ronnie Raygan about 10 or 12 feet across the ring! Kinda looked like a hiptoss, only not quite that clean! What POWER by Copycat!"
LADY VERONICA: "This is what we pointed out earlier Tony - NOT the kind of situation the Candiates want to find themselves in! Raygan needs to tag out QUICKLY, because men the size of the Cat Pack can do a great deal of damage without using a great deal of energy in there!"
JAKE SHADES: "There's ANOTHER reason to like the Cat Pack! They're the kind of guys that legitimize DWARF-TOSSING!
LADY VERONICA: "Dwarf-tossing?"
JAKE SHADES: "Yeah! You never heard of it? Very popular in Australia!"
TONY ROSS: "Copycat pulling Raygan up - irish whip! Raygan off the ropes, Copycat-head down! Raygan going for a SUNSET FLIP! CAN HE GET HIM OVER! He's FIGHTING FOR IT, and look at Copycat struggle to keep his balance!! An--oh my! COPYCAT caught himself, reached down, grabbed Raygan by the THROAT, and PULLED HIM up from the mat ALL THE WAY to ABOVE HIS HEAD! He's just HOLDING HIM UP THERE, CHOKING him out, and just THREW him down!! Absolutely UNREAL!"
LADY VERONICA: "Copycat is just SNEERING down at Raygan, who's TRYING to make it over and tag out to Nickson, but Copycat is right there! He pulls him up, and sets him up for another irish whip.....off the ropes, and Copycat with a BODY PRE--Wait a second - that was DROPKICK! Copycat tried to body press Raygan off the ropes, but..but INSTEAD, Raygan used his own momentum and DROPKICKED Copycat in MID-AIR! Copycat's knocked back on his heels, AND HE'S DOWN! Copycat's a little stunned here. and Raygan seizes the opportunity, and MAKES THE TAG!"
TONY ROSS: "Dick Nickson is in! Copycat SWINGS and misses with a right hand, and Nickson CONNECTS with one of his own! Nickson blocks ANOTHER right hand, and DRILLS Copycat with another one of his own! Another block, ANOTHER right hand! Copycat staggers off the ropes, and BIG RIGHT HAND puts him down!! Black Cat tries to come in AND HE EATS A RIGHT HAND OF HIS OWN!! Copycat is back at him, but Nickson catches him IN A SCOOP SLAM! THE COVER - ONE......TWO.....TH--NO! Copycat kicked out!"
LADY VERONICA: "Boy, that tag out was a breath of fresh air for Ronnie Raygan! Now LOOK at "Tricky" Dick carry the mail! He's on fire in there!"
TONY ROSS: "Nickson pulls Copycat up. He twists his arm up in an Arm Wrench, but Copycat COUNTERS with a BIG SHORT-ARM LARIAT, and that DROPS the big man IMMEDIATELY! Now look at him STARE DOWN at Nickson! It's frightening how STRONG the man must be if he can turn a match around that quickly with ONE move!"
JAKE SHADES: "Kinda like the way *I* was in my hey-day!"
LADY VERONICA: "Insert your own joke here."
TONY ROSS: (chuckling) "Copycat slowly pulls Nickson up, and PASTES him with a big forearm to the head! And another one! Copycat is TEEING off on Dick Nickson in there! Now NICKSON FIRES BACK WITH A RIGHT HAND! Make it TWO! But Copycat KNEES him HARD in the stomach, and that stops Nickson cold! He's backing him into a corner now. From the corner, irish whip....and Nickson SLAMS HARD into the opposite corner. He rebounds out, and Copycat just FLINGS him back into the original corner! He BOUNCES out again and walks RIGHT INTO A SIDEWALK SLAM by Copycat!"
LADY VERONICA: BIG move by Copycat there, and another GREAT display of just how powerful this man is! I tell ya, some people call them being champions a fluke, but when you see matches like these, it makes that pretty hard to believe!"
TONY ROSS: "Copycat might be a little winded here, but he's over for the COVER - ONE.......TWO.......THRE---No! No! Nickson managed to get a shoulder up! Now look at Black Cat on the apron! He sticks his feet out, heels first, and Copycat RAMS Nickson, HEAD-FIRST right into them! Sound strategy there, if a bit underhanded! The Cat Pack have this one in command at the moment, and Copycat tags out to Black Cat!"
LADY VERONICA: "Just like we said earlier, BASIC STRATEGY. Black Cat and Copycat aren't letting Nickson get across the ring to tag Raygan, and all the while, the Cat Pack are constantly alternating fresh men in the ring!"
TONY ROSS: "Black Cat back in the ring, with confidence! He maneuvers Nickson out to the center, and Scoop Slams him! Now, off the ropes, and......PLANTS Nickson with a BIG legdrop across the face! Black Cat with the COVER - ONE.....TWO......THR--NO!! Nickson kicked out again! Black Cat looks up at Stu Fields, a little cross-eyed, but that was a good count. Now Black Cat CLAMPS on a reverse chinlock!"
JAKE SHADES: "You were right, Ross. That WAS a good count from ole Stewy, up until he got to TWO, then he got mixed up and lost his place! It happens...a man his age, afterall."
LADY VERONICA: "I suppose YOU think you could do better."
JAKE SHADES: "Not at all. I KNOW I could do better, toots. Because *I* can count all the way to THREE, and the odds are, I can do without breaking a nail too."
TONY ROSS: "Jake, if you don't mind, can save your ridiculous stereotypes and your moronic opinions until we're OFF the air?
JAKE SHADES: "Actually, I DO kinda mind! Besides, I've been telling you to shut up for almost 2 years, and it hasn't helped any!"
TONY ROSS: "Look at NICKSON now, fighting his way back UP! Elbow to the gut! And another one breaks him free! Now Nickson going off the ropes! Black Cat puts his head down, and NICKSON CATCHES HIM! TURNS HIM AROUND INTO A BACKSLIDE!! ONE.....TWO......TH--NO! NO! Black Cat kicked out again! Both men up quickly now, and BLACK CAT puts Nickson down with a SWEET dropkick! Now it's *Black Cat* with the cover - ONE.....TWO......and NICKSON kicks out!"
LADY VERONICA: "Black Cat pulls Nickson up again, and TAGS IN Copycat! Black Cat holds him for Copycat who DRILLS Nickson right in the kidneys with a right hand! Now Copycat scoops Nickson up on his shoulder, and LOOK at him PARADE around the ring with him! That's AMAZING - a man his size! And now Copycat DROPS him HEAD-FIRST across a TURNBUCKLE! Nickson is TRYING to use the ropes to regain his feet, and LOOK at Copycat just CHOKE him out with his FOOT over the 2nd ring rope!"
TONY ROSS: "The referee is up to FOUR, and Copycat breaks the choke! Now look at Stu Fields read the RIOT ACT to Copycat, and BEHIND HIM, Icekold is CHOKING Nickson on the ropes from the OUTSIDE!" C'MON!"
JAKE SHADES: "Hehe! Icekold is one sweet broad!"
TONY ROSS: "Now RAYGAN is in the ring, trying to break it up, but Stu Fields is right in his face about it! Now from behind, Copycat is off the ropes, and LAYS OUT on Nickson, still hanging on the ropes!"
LADY VERONICA: "The road to hell might just be paved with good intentions for the Candidates! Raygan is obviously trying to help his partner out, but jumping into the ring just OPENS the door for opponents to double team while the ref's back is turned!"
JAKE SHADES: "It STILL cracks me up watching some dimwit fall for it everytime!"
TONY ROSS: "Copycat FINALLY lets Nickson get to his feet, but then he just PIE-FACES him back down again! Now it's Copycat off the ropes, and he just PLANTS an elbow RIGHT to the small of the back! Copycat, off the ropes AGAIN, AND ANOTHER ELBOW finds its mark! Another COVER - ONE......TWO.......THR--No! Not yet!"
LADY VERONICA: "The Cat Pack have a very methodical style, and right now they are just GRINDING Dick Nickson up under their heels! He's been in there an awfully LONG time, and I'm not so sure he can even come BACK in this condition! Now Nickson is getting back to his feet, and catches a BIG forearm from Copycat! Nickson is back down to his knees, and Copycat SLAPS on NECK VICE!"
TONY ROSS: "As you said Veronica, what we're seeing now is great strategy from the Tag Team champions! Nickson has been in there several minutes, the Cat Pack haven't let him GET CLOSE a tag! Now Nickson is reaching out, trying to get back to his feet! And....an ELBOW, right to the solar plexus! And Nickson WRENCHES himself free! Now going off the ropes, an-no! Black Cat from the outside, just KNEED him in the small of the back! Now Copycat going off the ropes - opposite side, and WOW! A FLYING SHOULDERBLOCK from Copycat! And he just BLEW RIGHT THROUGH Dick Nickson! Now he scoots over for the COVER - ONE......TWO......THR---Did he? NOO!"
LADY VERONICA: "Dick Nickson is running on fumes right now, Tony! Now Copycat pulls him up again, and HE makes the tag back to Black Cat! He comes in and right to work with a right hand to Nickson's kidney area!"
TONY ROSS: "Now Black Cat, no finesse, no technique here! He is just HAMMERING Nickson with forearms to the chest! Nickson is VIRTUALLY defenseless up against the ropes! Now Black Cat with an irish whip! And here he comes himself - close behind! Nickson off the ropes, AND DUCKS a lariat! Now Nickson off the opposite side.....SHOULDERBLOCK!! Nickson could BARELY keep up with himself, and he just THREW himself at Black Cat, and sent him THROUGH the ropes OUT TO THE FLOOR!"
LADY VERONICA: "Now is the time for Nickson! He needs to make a tag NOW!"
TONY ROSS: "He's TRYING......CRAWLING on his belly! He isn't even sure where his CORNER is! Meanwhile, Black Cat IS STILL DOWN ON THE FLOOR, and wait, now COPYCAT is back in! Stu Fields trying to get him out of the ring! Nickson is getting closer....CLOSER....and........THERE IT IS!! HE MAKES THE TAG!! Raygan is IN! AND NOW H--wait! Stu Fields, he--HE DIDN'T SEE IT! STU FIELDS DIDN'T SEE THE TAG! HE'S NOT GONNA ALLOW IT!"
JAKE SHADES: "Fantastic! You know you're watching a great team at work when they find ways to SCREW the other team without really cheating!"
TONY ROSS: "Tough break for the Candidates! Raygan is still arguing with Stu Fields, and BEHIND HIM, The Cat Pack are prepared to go to work on Nickson AGAIN! Copycat has him, Black Cat off the ropes, and....HE CLOTHESLINES COPYCAT!! Nickson dropped out of the way, and Black Cat COULDN'T PUT ON THE BRAKES IN TIME!! COPYCAT got sent out of the ring again, AND THIS TIME, Nickson is able to MAKE THE TAG!!!!"
LADY VERONICA: "Raygan is back in! ROUNDHOUSE KICK finds its mark! Now Raygan with an IRISH WHIP! Black Cat off the ropes.......SPINNING LEG LARIAT! Another kick, and Black Cat is back into a corner! BIIG ROUNDHOUSE almost took his head RIGHT OFF!"
TONY ROSS: "Now Raygan with an irish whip from the corner! And Black Cat slides right under the top rope and out! He's OUT THERE, trying to get himself together! But look at Raygan, what is he--?? SLINGSHOT SOMERSAULT PLANCHA over the TOP ROPE, right onto Black Cat!! He pulls him up quickly, and rolls him right back into the ring! Now Raygan...GOING TO THE TOP!! MISSLE DROPKICK CONNECTS! THAT COULD DO IT!!! THE COVER - LEG HOOKED!! ONE............TWO...........THRE---NO! I CAN'T BELIEVE IT - BLACK CAT GOT THE SHOULDER UP!"
LADY VERONICA: "In the meantime Tony, on the outside, Copycat is still laying, FACE DOWN on the floor! Icekold, Travis and James are trying to revive him! That miscommunication earlier really took it's toll on him! And now, the Tag Team Championships might be in jeopardy!"
TONY ROSS: "Raygan tags out, and here comes "Tricky" Dick again! First, Raygan with an irish whip! Black Cat off the ropes, but COMES OFF with a FLYING CROSS BOD--Nickson CAUGHT HIM! And DROPPED him straight down into a BACKBREAKER! Nickson quickly tags out again, and Raygan in! Now Nickson with an irish whip on RAYGAN! Off the ropes, and Nickson PRESS SLAMS RAYGAN RIGHT ONTO BLACK CAT!! THE COVER - ONE...........TWO..........THREe---NOOOO! NO! NO! He STILL couldn't keep him down!"
LADY VERONICA: "This might be the Candidates at their BEST in there right now, Tony! They are a WELL-OILED machine, HUNGRY for GOLD!"
TONY ROSS: "Raygan tags back OUT, and Nickson in! He pulls Black Cat up, and HOOKS HIM FOR A BACK SUPLE-no wait! He just CROTCHED Black Cat on the top turnbuckle in the corner instead! CLIMBING THE TURNBUCKLE BEHIND HIM! THAT'S OVER 600 POUNDS on the top ROPE.......BACK SUPERPL---NO!! Black Cat turned INTO IT AND LANDED ON HIM! BUT NICKSON ROLLS RIGHT THROUGH IT!!! INTO A COVER - ONE...........TWO...........THRE--?!!?!
JAKE SHADES: "NO!!! HE DIDN'T GET HIM!"
LADY VERONICA: "He's right Tony! Stu Field is saying that it was only a TWO-COUNT!"
TONY ROSS: "Nonetheless, Black Cat is still down, and Nickson tags out! RAYGAN TO THE TOP ROPE!!!!! ANOTHER BEYOND REPROACH?!!? AN----WAIT! That's...TRAVIS, and he's ON THE APRON! What the? He's holding Raygan leg, not letting him jump! RAYGAN drops down to the floor, and TRAVIS JUST SHOVED HIM!! I don't --...."
LADY VERONICA: "This is falling apart fast, Tony! Now...now Stu Fields is ORDERING Travis and James away from the ringside area!! AND LOOK AT THEM ERUPT AT STU FIELDS!! They are NOT happy with that decision! And--WAIT A MINUTE!! FROM BEHIND, IT'S ICEKOLD GUNNING FOR RAYGAN WITH A TITLE BELT.....SHE MISSED! RAYGAN DUCKED IT! NOW HE JUST YANKS THE TITLE BELT AWAY FROM HER, AND THREW IT IN THE RING! WHAT IS HE---?? NICKSON HAS IT!!!!!!! HE'S GOT THE BELT!!"
TONY ROSS: "STU FIELDS DOESN'T SEE HIM AND.......NICKSON DRILLS BLACK CAT RIGHT BETWEEN THE EYES WITH IT!! BLACK CAT IS OUT COLD!!! WE'RE GONNA HAVE NEW TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS!! COPYCAT'S STILL DOWN! ICEKOLD IS IRATE!! NICKSON WITH THE COVER!! STU FIELDS, TURNS AROUND AND SEES IT - ONE...............T--ONE! ONE! WHAT THE---?? STU ISN'T COUNTING!! WHAT'S GOING ON??? IS IT OVER???
{SFX: DINGDINGDING}
TONY ROSS: "WHAT is going on? The bell has SOUNDED! Why didn't he count the pinfall?? Referee Stu Fields did not see the belt shot from Dick Nickson - we're sure of that! Nickson and Raygan are right in Stu's face! They want their hands raised in victory! What is going on here?? Now Stu Fields is relaying a message to Paul Kramer at ringside! What is he....saying?"
PAUL KRAMER: "Ladies and Gentlemen, could I have your attention please? The referee has made an OFFICIAL ruling in this match, and it is as follows: **Referee Stu Fields has ruled...that AT THE TIME OF THE FINAL PINFALL ATTEMPT, "Tricky" Dick Nickson was NOT one of the recognized legal man in the ring! FURTHERMORE, the referee has been informed by the timekeeper...that the 15 Minute Television Time Limit.....has EXPIRED! This bout has been ruled....A TIME LIMIT DRAW!! Therefore, STILL......F.W.F. NATIONAL TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS......BLACK CAT and COPYCAT - THHHE CAT PACK!!"**
(Crowd reacts in fairly LOUD booing)
TONY ROSS: "WOW! What GUTSY officiating by referee Stu Fields, and in light of the FWF rulebook, that was the correct call!"
LADY VERONICA: "Absolutely, Tony! We've seen other referees in that situation MISS the call and count the pinfall anyway, and had Fields done that, we couldn't hold it AGAINST him, necessarily! But he turned, and saw that Nickson was NOT the recognized legal man in the ring! Great call by Stu Fields!"
TONY ROSS: "Copycat has FINALLY been revived at ringside, and you have to believe the Cat Pack should be feeling RELIEF that they are still the champions! The Candidates, who can say? They practically had it WON! Either Stu Fields counts Nickson's pinfall, or Ronnie Raygan connects with "Beyond Reproach" for a 2nd time, and then the pinfall is academic!"
JAKE SHADES: "Are YOU TWO INSANE?? Did you ever consider that maybe this is JUSTICE? That twit Nickson would've gotten away with a BLATANT and DELIBERATE belt shot if that zebra had counted that pinfall! The Cat Pack are the RIGHTFUL champions! It's great that we don't have to see another TRAGEDY with an UNWORTHY team winning the titles on a cheating FLUKE!"
LADY VERONICA: "That sorta thing isn't a tragedy. A PLANE CRASH is a tragedy! And besides, if we're gonna talk about the belt shot, why not talk about the all the double-teaming by the Cat Pack during the match!"
JAKE SHADES: "Why would we? Nobody CARES about any of that!"
TONY ROSS: "Well, this match is in the books for now, and I have to believe that the Candidates are gonna sit down and have a LONG TALK with Scott Malec and Joe LeBron about a rematch in the near future! In any event, we STILL have ONE MORE title match still to come, not to mention, the FWF World Champion will be in action! All that, on the other side of these commericals!"
{FADEOUT to: Sick of Bush's idiotic drivel and Gore's pedantic poli-babble? Well then, THIS November, vote for a REAL American Hero! (http://www.2000gop.com/keyes)
{FADEIN to the "Panel of Experts" - Tony, Jake, and Lady Veronica}
JAKE SHADES: "CHR(FCC)ST! Are we done yet??"
TONY ROSS: "Two more matches to go, Jake! Don't worry, we know the L.A. County Sheriff has you on curfew!"
LADY VERONICA: "It's a shame TV time restrictions played a part in the outcome of that Tag Team Championship match. But we got a LOT of action for only 15 minutes, and you have to believe a Tag title rematch is in the works!"
TONY ROSS: "One would definitely hope that's the case, Veronica, but now, it's time for the introductions to our next match, so let's kick it back up to Paul Kramer!"
{SFX: DINGDINGDING}
(CUTTO: Paul Kramer, in the ring, mic in hand)
PAUL KRAMER: "The following TAG TEAM CONTEST, is scheduled for ONE FALL, with a 15 Minute, Television Time Limit....."
(CUEUP: "New Breed" by Fear Factory)
PAUL KRAMER: "About to COME DOWN the Aisle.....and ACCOMPANIED by Miss Thang......at a COMBINED WEIGHT OF 434 pounds....from RALEIGH, NORTH CAROLINA - "The HUMAN DEMOLITION DERBY"....DARREN MCMIIIILLAAAAN and from DULUTH, MINNESOTA - "The MODERN DAY WARRIOR"......KEVIN KEEEAAARNS!! TOGETHER......THEY ARE......THE NEEEEEEWW BREEEEEEEEDDD!!"
(The crowd EXPLODES as the champions EMERGE from behind the curtain. The former tag team champs are soaking up the response, and playing to the crowd, but neither man's stride seems as purposeful as we're used to seeing it. And in particular, Darren McMillan is walking pretty stiffly. They both give out hi-fives as they make their way down the aisle.)
TONY ROSS: "The last time we saw the New Breed, they were the FWF Tag Team Champions at World Impact Y2K! As you know, they dropped the belts to the Cat Pack at that pay-per-view! We haven't seen them since! And for several weeks, we've been hearing rumors about the health of Kearns and McMillan, especially McMillan and his alleged back problems!
JAKE SHADES: "Oh COME OFF it, Ross! Stop making excuses! These two chumps are about to get SLAUGHTERED! Admit it!"
LADY VERONICA: "Don't jump the gun, Jake! The New Breed were the Tag Champions for almost a year! What makes you think they can't handle themselves tonight?"
(CUEUP: "More Human Than Human" by White Zombie)
JAKE SHADES: (chuckling) "I'm sorry, what did you say? I didn't catch it...."
PAUL KRAMER: "And THEIR OPPONENTS........FIRST....from ROME, ITALY.....weighing in at 223 pounds......GLAAADIATOOORRR!!! Annnd his tag team partner......from HARTFORD, CONNECTICUT......weighing in at 244 pounds.....HE IS THE F.....W.....F......*WORLD* HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION..........ANNNNNNNNNAAAAAAARRRKKKKYYYYYYY!!!"
(The duo emerges to greet THUNDEROUS BOOING from the crowd. Anarky is the first to appear, but Gladiator QUICKLY darts out in front of him, "keeping watch." Gladiator is wearing chain mail and a Roman battle helmet, and he carries a shield with him. Anarky is wearing a leather jacket with a white anarchy symbol on the back, black and blue wrestling pants, and fingerless gloves.)
TONY ROSS: "Gladiator and Anarky, who's making his *2nd* in-ring appearence of the evening! As you'll remember, he was out here earlier tonight to "forfeit" the FWF Frontier Championship! If you missed that, well....let's just say they did end up getting the belt from him!"
JAKE SHADES: (laughing) "Yep...both Jobber and Coffee Boy got the belt...RIGHT BETWEEN the eyes! Haha!"
LADY VERONICA: "But don't forget, this match about something a lot BIGGER! This is just another side of Anarky versus Black Sage, who's the most LEGITIMATE champion in the FWF! Anarky could send a HUGE message and stake a pretty solid claim to that if he and Gladiator pull out a victory tonight!"
TONY ROSS: "Interesting....notice how Gladiator seem very alert out there! He's watching everything that moves out there! Of course, not many people can argue that Gladiator's one PRIORITY is to protect the interests of Doc and Co., and all that means is, Protect Anarky!"
LADY VERONICA: "Both Gladiator and Anarky are in the ring now, and NOT WASTING any time, McMillan and Kearns make the opening move right away!"
(SFX: DINGDINGDING)
TONY ROSS: "And THERE's the bell! All four men pairing off to start this one! McMillan going to work on Anarky, and Kearns getting his shots in on Gladiator in the corner! Willie Bennett, our referee, is trying to get McMillan and Anarky seperated and out of the ring! McMillan now...backing off, BUT NOT before he PAINT-BRUSHES Anarky with an open hand! And look! Anarky just SMILED at McMillan!"
JAKE SHADES: "Damn RIGHT he's smiled! That little roach should get in all the cheap shots he can, 'cause when Anarky gets in there, he's gonna have plenty to smile ABOUT!"
TONY ROSS: "Kearns brings Gladiator out now...Irish whip - no, reversed by Gladiator! Kearns off the ropes...DUCKS a big clothesline! Kearns stops, spins and hooks Gladiator in a Chicken-Wing! Trying to suplex him, but Gladiator DROPS straight down into a JAWBREAKER!"
LADY VERONICA: "Nice counter by Gladiator, though I'm pretty sure pain and discomfort is the least of Gladiator concerns!"
JAKE SHADES: "Yeah, until he gets a chance to deal out some of his own!"
TONY ROSS: "Woah! Gladiator just went over and drilled McMillan in the head with a right hand while he was on the apron! Now McMillan's in, and he wants a piece of Gladiator, but Willie Bennett's holding him off! With his back turned, Gladiator picks Kearns up HITS a Reverse DDT! And WAIT A MINUTE - ANARKY'S GOING TO THE TOP ROPE with Bennett's back TURNED.......SENTON BOMB!! OH MY GOD! Gladiator and Anarky are working in tandem here, and the FWF World Champion just DROPPED 244 pounds of body weight across the chest of Kevin Kearns, FROM THE TOP ROPE!!"
(Jake Shades is laughing hysterically in the background.)
LADY VERONICA: "That was a SCARY move, preformed with utmost skill by one of the best in the business! Anarky and Gladiator could be looking to make a short night's work for themselves!"
JAKE SHADES: "Or maybe their just out there to make the New Breed WISH it was just a short night's work!"
TONY ROSS: "Gladiator just went out to the apron there. There was no tag, and now Bennett's giving Anarky some static about that! Now Anarky down for the COVER - ONE.....TWO....and Kearns kicks out!"
LADY VERONICA: "Now Tony, if we have a second, here's a good question - Why is Bennett counting THAT pinfall even when he never saw Gladiator tag out?
TONY ROSS: "Good question Veronica. If I had to venture a guess, I would say it's a matter of circumstances. For example, Kearns is obviously at a disadvantage here, and Bennett could've decided that whether he saw the tag or not, Gladiator "could've" tagged out. Unlike in the Tag title match earlier, when Raygan was OUTSIDE the ring during the pinfall attempt, and in the mind of Stu Fields, Raygan could NOT have tagged out and made Nickson the legal man. The bottom line is, that Bennett is letting Anarky and Gladiator bend the rules a little bit, given these specific circumstances."
LADY VERONICA: "So it's like the ref's version of a blind tag!"
TONY ROSS: "Pretty much, yes. Back to the action - Anarky is making Kearns PAY for kicking out of that pinfall! Kearns is trying to use the ropes to get back up, and Anarky is WEARING HIM OUT with forearms to the back! And now he's using his foot to CHOKE Kearns out over the ropes!! And now Anarky's TALKIN' to him in there!"
LADY VERONICA: "To take nothing away from Anarky as a competitor, but a GREAT DEAL of his "aura" comes from the little things he does in that ring! Talking to his opponents, the smile....it's all part of a psych-out that Anarky knows how to pull off, but wouldn't be NEARLY as effective if he wasn't as GOOD as he thinks he is!"
TONY ROSS: "Anarky breaks the choke at the count of 4. He pulls Kearns up, and tags back in Gladiator! Gladiator in, and fires a STIFF right hand to take command of Kearns again! Kearns is in TROUBLE now, folks, and he's trying to pull himself up by the ropes! And Gladiator, taking a cue from Anarky, is choking Kearns out over the ropes AGAIN! This match is rapidly becoming a DISSECTION of sorts for Anarky and Gladiator!"
LADY VERONICA: "It's the same as what were saying for the earlier tag match! Frequent tags, and cut the ring off! Anarky and Gladiator has switched in 3 times already, and Kearns has been carrying the mail for his team since the opening bell!"
TONY ROSS: "Make that 4 times Veronica, because Gladiator just tagged Anarky back in! Anarky...picks up right where Gladiator left off! A BIG right hand drops Kearns to the mat, and LOOK AT ANARKY just STOMP AWAY at him!! WOW! This is getting ugly....Anarky pulls Kearns back up to his feet...irish whip! Kearns, off the ropes! Anarky - head down, and KEARNS LEAPS OVER INTO A SUNSET FLIP - ONE.....TW--and a KICKOUT! Anarky looked a little surprised there, and look at THIS! Anarky's already up, and he's just MEASURING Kearns as he gets to his feet, AND ANARKY ALMOST DECAPITATED KEVIN KEARNS WITH A RUNNING LARIAT! UNREAL! KEARNS JUST GOT TURNED INSIDE-OUT by the FWF World Champion!"
JAKE SHADES: (laughing) "Anybody still wanna call this a wrestling match?"
TONY ROSS: "This is a slaughter, or at least it's fast becoming one! Besides the Senton Bomb we saw from Anarky, I can't remember anything that suggested this was any kind of wrestling match! Anarky, very calm...very cool in there...he knows he's well in control. Just pacing the ring casually, and HE JUST SLAPPED Darren McMillan as he was walking by their corner! C'mon!"
JAKE SHADES: "What? McMillan slapped Anarky at the start of the match! Is turn-about suddenly NOT fair play anymore, Ross?"
TONY ROSS: "McMillan in and he wants a piece of Anarky! Bennett is holding him back, and look at this! Anarky is using this opportunity to lean all this weight across the throat of Kearns! He's CHOKING him right out AGAIN!"
LADY VERONICA: "Before this match began, I was wondering whether it was a good idea McMillan to participate AT ALL in this match! Now, with Kearns on his last legs in there, it might be a question of the LESSER of to evils!"
TONY ROSS: "Anarky lays off the choke just in time for Bennett to turn around and NOT see it! Anarky, BIG smile on his face, pulls Kearns up again. Now he tags Gladiator back in! And--wait....it looks like Anarky and Gladiator are discussing something.....And Anarky just irish whipped Kearns ACROSS the ring to his own corner! Kearns hits hard - STERNUM FIRST! But Darren McMillan's there, and he tags in!"
JAKE SHADES: "Smart move, 'Nark! A massacre is always entertaining, but it's better if you "spread the wealth"!" Haha!
TONY ROSS: "McMillan is in, and Gladiator goes RIGHT after him, and McMillan CATCHES him with a Spinning Leg Lariat! McMillan moving quickly - pulls him up, hooks him - SNAP SUPLEX! McMillan now, making a little noise here! He pulls Gladiator up again - irish whip, REVERSED by Darren! No, reversed again by Gladiator, who just KICK him SQUARE in the gut! He's got him, hooks him and a DD-no! McMillian BLOCKED IT! NORTHERN LIGHTS SUPLEX!! ONE......TWO........THRE--NO! Gladiator was able to POWER out!"
LADY VERONICA: "This is NOT what I expected at all from Darren McMillan, not with all the rumors floating around about his health problems! You don't suppose The New Breed floated those rumors themselves, do you?"
JAKE SHADES: "What a cowardly thing to do...."
TONY ROSS: "Gladiator might be backpeddling slightly here, as McMillan is building up some momentum here! Darren, gonna try another irish whip - reversed again by Gladiator! McMillan off the ropes....and a HURRACARA--what? Oh my! McMillan tried for a hurracarrana, but I think something GAVE OUT on him when he arched his back on the way down!"
LADY VERONICA: "The hurracarrana is one of Darren's favorite moves, but tonight, it might've been wise NOT to go for it! Darren McMillan is clutching his back in pain right now, folks! The move itself was aborted - Gladiator did a little somersault, and he's back to his knees already!"
TONY ROSS: "Willie Bennett's down there, checking with McMillan! He might be prepared to stop this match right here, for the sake of Darren's health!
JAKE SHADES: "HA! He'll be either too stupid to quit, or to much of a PUS(FCC)SY to keep going!"
TONY ROSS: "Oh shut up, Jake! Well, the bell has NOT sounded, so this match isn't over, and- OH MY....Gladiator is putting the boots to McMillan's back! Darren is in AGONY on the mat! And neither Anarky nor Gladiator even CARE!"
JAKE SHADES: "Why should they? Who would cut THEM any slack if THEY were injured?
LADY VERONICA: "Well then FINISH IT, if they're SO in command! Gladiator pulls McMillan up, and Darren can barely STAND! AND GLADIATOR DROPS HIM RIGHT ACROSS THE KNEE WITH A BACKBREAKER!! JES(FCC)US!!"
TONY ROSS: "That was brutal. Absolutely BRUTAL! And NOW what is Gladiator doing? He's looking at Anarky....and he's asking for "Thumbs Up" or "Thumbs Down"!! And Anarky....wants Thumbs Up?! Now he's got his hand out! He wants a TAG! Gladiator obliges him, and now Anarky's in! He's got his hand high in the air! Darren McMillan is almost QUIVERING from pain, and Anarky pulls him up! An irish whip....McMillan off the ropes....annnndd THERE IT IS!!! EQUALIZER!! THIS ONE IS IN THE BOOKS!! LATERAL PRESS - ONE.........TWO.........THREE!!"
{SFX: DINGDINGDING}
(CUEUP: "More Human Than Human" by White Zombie)
PAUL KRAMER: "The WINNERS of this bout......GLADIATOR...and.....ANNNAARRRKKYY!!"
(The crowd boos MIGHTLY at the outcome, and some flying garbage finds the ring. Anarky and Gladiator are all smiles in the ring, while Kearns is at McMillan's side along with Willie Bennett.)
TONY ROSS: "We called it a dissection earlier on, and it's an appropriate way to describe this match! Anarky and Gladiator had the upper hand from the opening bell, and they proceeded to take The New Breed apart! And you know this has to send some kind of message to Black Sage, who waiting to defend his championship in our main event tonight! And aside from that, it--wait...wait a second! Gladiator is down on the ringside floor, and he's under the apron! What is he DOING? And--What the HELL?? Anarky just grabbed Willie Bennett and TOSSED him right out of the ring! WHAT IS THIS?? And Gladiator---HE'S GOT PIANO WIRE!!! NO!! NO!! SOMEBODY STOP HIM!!"
JAKE SHADES: "YEESSSS!! MORE BLOOD!!"
TONY ROSS: "GLADIATOR HAS KEARNS BY THE THROAT WITH THAT WIRE, and ANARKY IS CHOKING OUT DARREN MCMILLAN WITH HIS BARE HANDS!! OH MY GOD!! NO!"
LADY VERONICA: "NOW GLADIATOR'S GOT THAT WIRE WRAPPED AROUND HIS FIST, and HE'S POUNDING KEVIN KEARNS, POINT-BLANK IN THE FACE! KEARNS IS BUSTED WIDE OPEN, and GLADIATOR IS NOT STOPPING!! WE NEED HELP DOWN HERE!!"
(SFX: DINGDINGDING)
TONY ROSS: "It looks like officials are on their way to the ri-NO! NO! DON'T DO IT!!! HOLY JE(FCC)SUS!!! GLADIATOR IS *GRINDING* THAT PIANO WIRE FIST INTO THE BACK OF DARREN MCMILLAN!! MCMILLAN IS SCREAMING FOR HIS LIFE IN THERE!! AND LOOK AT THE SICK SMILES ON THE FACES OF ANARKY AND GLADIATOR!!! OH MY G......"
(The broadcast audio cuts out, and we're left with images of Anarky and Gladiator, tearing Kearns and McMillan apart in the ring. Both of the latter are bleeding are great deal. Kearns is semi-conscious, bleeding from the nose, and from huge wounds in the forehead. McMillan WOULD BE unconscious, except that he's in too much pain to pass out. His back is bleeding, and the flesh has been torn away in several places. Every now and then, Anarky takes time out from holding back officials to POUND away at his face. More garbage litters the ring and Anarky soaks up the response, and Gladiator is like a man possessed. Occasionally, we hear the bell ring in the background, for all the good it does, and after about a minute, we cut to a crowd shot, and FADEOUT.)
FADEOUT to commercials for America Online. America Online: America's #1 Internet Service Provider! Now, download AOL 5.0 FREE (http://www.aol.com)
{FADEIN one more time, to Tony Ross, Jake Shades, and Lady Veronica. Tony and Lady V wear very solemn expressions, while Jake has GLEEFUL look on his face...}
TONY ROSS: "Fans....welcome back. As you know, we are live tonight from Dodger Stadium, in Chavez Ravine, California. A tremendous crowd is on hand this evening, and they've been priviliged to witness a fantastic evening of action."
LADY VERONICA: "Just before we last went to break, we had some technical difficulties, and our audio cut out on us briefly. During the break, our production crew was hard at work correcting the problem, and we anticipate no further complications tonight."
JAKE SHADES: (laughing) "Hey Ross! How long do you think it'll take for the ring crew to wash all that BLOOD out of the mat?"
TONY ROSS: (sighing) "At this time, on behalf of the Frontier Wrestling Federation, we'd like to apoligize for what transpired just PRIOR to our last commercial break. That is the inherent danger in working with live television, that sometimes objectionable material makes it on the air."
LADY VERONICA: "Just to bring everybody up to speed, there were almost two DOZEN FWF officials out here, trying to stop the CHAOS that was in the ring. Eventually, it was Anarky HIMSELF who had to pull Gladiator off of Kevin Kearns and Darren McMillan. EMTS immediately rushed to their aid. Miss Thang was in there, trying to lend a hand to her fallen comrades. There looked to be SIGNIFICANT blood loss from both men, and we're told they were rushed away into waiting ambulances, and both are now en route to a Los Angeles County hospital."
TONY ROSS: "Speaking for *2/3* of our broadcasting team, I'm sure our best wishes go out to both Kearns and McMillan, for a speedy recovery."
JAKE SHADES: "I, for one am NOT the LEAST BIT sorry for what happened! This is Anarky's world FOLKS, and the rest of us just LIVE in it! Kearns and McMillan shouldn't be PITIED, just because they had to find that out the HARD WAY!"
TONY ROSS: "Jake, sometimes.....(he shakes off the thought)......Fans, it's been a LONG NIGHT, and we still have ONE MORE match to go! The MAIN EVENT - for the F.W.F. National Championship! BLACK SAGE, now the 2-time defending champion, puts his title on the line against BILLY MATTHEWS, another former National Champion!"
LADY VERONICA: "If you tuned in earlier tonight, then you know that a very INTERESTING issue has sprung up, involving Billy Matthews, and a POSSIBLE relationship with Doc Silver and his gang! Right now, we're gonna show you footage that our own Otis Sawyer picked up while he was camped out in the lockerroom earlier tonight...."
{CUTTO: FOOTAGE RECORDED EARLIER}
(From an odd low angle, we see BILLY MATTHEWS and RICKY KABE standing in a corridor, eye-to-eye. Ricky is dressed in usual wrestling gear, while Billy is wearing a pair of jeans and a T-shirt. From the limited audio we have, we get the impression that this is a pep talk of sorts...)
BILLY MATTHEWS: (REC) "...and this is your night...your night, baby.....He's all yours. He's nothing....he's nothing......You just gotta hang with him, and you just take him apart...."
RICKY KABE: (REC) "Absolutely..."
BILLY MATTHEWS: (REC) "You're damn right......now get out there and you kick some a(FCC)s...And if things get hairy, hang tight. I got yer' back...."
(Ricky nods, then turns to head toward the entranceway. Billy turns and heads in the opposite direction. He SEES THE CAMERA and stops, but then sneers down at Otis. He rounds the corner, and comes upon YBOK and JAMAR, Talent Relations...)
BILLY MATTHEWS: (REC) "What the--?!"
YBOK: (REC) (cheerful) "Hey hey there, man! Relax! We just heard the good news. We just came by to say "Welcome aboard"! That's all...."
BILLY MATTHEWS: (REC) "What the HELL are you talkin' about?"
(Ybok and Jamar look at him, then each other with CONFUSED looks. Jamar then catches sight of Otis with his camera, behind Billy in the corner. He points to it for Ybok, and his look changes instantly..)
YBOK: (REC) "Right...right! Okay then, I guess we don't have anything to say to each other, do we?"
BILLY MATTHEWS: (REC) "Damn right we don't! Now get the FU(FCC)K out of my way!"
(He SHOVES his way past the duo. They watch him go. After a moment, Jamar turns to Ybok and says something we can't pick up. Ybok nods slowly....)
{CUTTO: the broadcast table}
TONY ROSS: "What are we to believe? As far as any possible ALLIANCE, Billy Matthews seemed MORE than adamant with his denials in that clip! But he SAW Otis Sawyer with the camera - that much is also apparant! And if there IS something cooking between Doc Silver and Billy Matthews, he wouldn't want to give it away on-camera!"
LADY VERONICA: "It's easy to get caught up in 2nd-guessing ourselves, because we DON'T KNOW what to take into account here! We have to remember that Anarky played us all like FOOLS when he and Doc Silver pulled that swerve on us at World Impact! Doc has done it to us before, and we shouldn't put it past him to do it again with a guy like Billy Matthews!"
JAKE SHADES: "Don't waste your time trying to figure this out! Either of you! I'm probably the smartest person in this STADIUM, and Doc's AT LEAST 3 steps ahead of ME!"
LADY VERONICA: "Sure Jake. And ANOTHER thing we have to consider - if Billy Matthews IS now walking in step with Doc and Co., what does that mean for Black Sage and his title defense tonight? Who knows if the odds are already STACKED against Black Sage, and if they are, HOW HIGH?"
TONY ROSS: "Fans...in case we don't get a chance to say it later, thank you VERY much for tuning in tonight! We hope you've enjoyed the action, and the human DRAMA that's been presented so far, and we invite you to stick around, because I have a feeling you're about to see a whole lot more! I imagine it's been a ROUGH first night for Lady Veronica, but of course, we're happy to have you aboard! And so right now, let's send it back up to PAUL KRAMER, one more time, for the introductions to our MAIN EVENT!"
{DING...DING...DING}
(CUTTO: Paul Kramer, in the ring, mic in hand.)
PAUL KRAMER: "Ladies and Gentlemen, could I have your attention please?" (The crowd quiets a bit) "At this time, I have a very SPECIAL announcement! Tonight....is a FIRST for the F.W.F., in kicking off the Summer Stadium Series, right here in Los Angeles, California!" (The crowd POPS - cheap heat) "In this way, ALL of you are apart of history, and TONIGHT, you have MADE yourselves a GREATER part of that history, by establishing a NEW....ALL-TIME.....F...W...F SINGLE-SHOW ATTENDANCE RECORD!! PLEASE....at this time, could ALL *Thirty-seven THOUSAND, six HUNDRED and SIXTY-EIGHT* stand up, and give yourselves A BIG ROUND OF APPLAUSE!!"
(The crowd obliges Paul Kramer with a THUNDEROUS standing ovation. Somebody tosses an plastic cup into the ring. It skips out of the ring, spilling some ice. Referee Stu Fields kicks the stray ice cubes out of the ring.)
TONY ROSS: "WOW! 37,668! Incredible! What an amazing way to kick off the Summer Stadium Series!"
JAKE SHADES: "Absolutely! This is what happens when you start counting the wrestlers, production crew, unborn children and seeing-eye dogs into attendence figures! Not to mention counting everyone over 350 pounds as two seperate people!"
{DING...DING...DING}
{CUEUP: "Unforgiven" by Metallica}
PAUL KRAMER: "About to come down the AISLE......is the CHALLENGER!!! He is a FORMER...FWF CABLE TELEVISION CHAMPION!! He is a FORMER...FWF NATIONAL CHAMPION!! From CHICAGO, ILLINOIS.....weighing TWO HUNDRED, ONE pounds........BIILLLY..........MAAAAAATTTTHHHHEEWWWSSS!!"
(THUNDEROUS BOOING rains down on Billy Matthews as he emerges. He's clean-shaven and he's wearing a T-shirt with blue jean-shorts. Tonight, he's the PICTURE of determined focus.)
TONY ROSS: "Tonight.....might be just be his night! At World Impact Y2K, he LITERALLY came within a HEARTBEAT of winning back the National Title! It's been almost A YEAR, TO THE DAY, since he LOST the National Championship! Who can REALLY say, how long that year has FELT to Billy Matthews! Look at that EXPRESSION! He's locked i---hold on! Wait, that's.....YBOK...and JAMAR! Talent Relations just came out from behind the curtain, and they're on their way to ringside! What is this? Are they going to be in the corner of Billy Matthews?? They weren't INTRODUCED!"
LADY VERONICA: "I'm not even sure Matthews knows they're there! He's already in the ring, preparing himself! In the meantime, Talent Relations is at ringside, pacing around, like they BELONG there!"
JAKE SHADES: "And the DO! They're associates with Doc Silver, and Doc Silver is practically RUNNING this company as it is! I'd like to see Fields try to get RID of them!"
{CUEUP: "Warsaw" by Joy Division}
PAUL KRAMER: "AND HIIIIS OPPONENT........about to come DOWN the AISLE.......from NO..SUN..CITY.........weighing in tonight....at TWO HUNDRED, NINETY-SIX pounds......He is the REIGNING.....AND *DEFENDING*....2-TIME...FRONTIER WRESTLING FEDERATION *NATIONAL* CHAMPION........BLAAAAACCK.............SAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGEEE!!!!!"
(The crowd POPS ULTRA-HARDCORE for the National Champion as he APPEARS. He's wearing a pair of miltary-grade work pants, and a tight black T-shirt. He has chin-length bleach-white hair, and some facial hair. Of course, he's puffing away at a cigarette throughout his entrance, and casually flicks it away before he enters the ring!"
LADY VERONICA: "He is ARGUABLY, the NUMBER ONE wrestler in the F.W.F. today! A consumate BRAWLER, and a near-fearless RISK-TAKER, but with a SIGNIFICANT background in amateur wrestling! Not many people realize that!"
TONY ROSS: "On paper, this is a MISMATCH! Billy Matthews is giving up 4 inches, and almost 100 pounds to the champion tonight! But Billy lives and DIES by these circumstances, folks! He wouldn't be as successful as he's been if he didn't know what to do in that ring!
LADY VERONICA: "Sage is in the ring, and now referee Stu Fields is going over the last minute instructions and rules with BOTH men! Both men, being very calm. As experienced as these men are, there's no such thing as not having butterflies at a time lik--wait a second! What is--?? Sage just slid out of the ring! What is he doing?? He's walking.....looking at Talent Relations. They DON'T SEE HIM COMING!!! DOUBLE CLOTHESLINE!!! BLACK SAGE JUST CAUGHT YBOK AND JAMAR FROM BEHIND WITH A DOUBLE CLOTHESLINE!"
TONY ROSS: "Sage isn't gonna leave any margin for error tonight, Veronica - not with his title on the line!! Now Sage, pulls JAMAR up and hooks him! Oh my..he's not...OHMYGOD!! BLACK PLAGUE!!! BLACK PLAGUE ON THE FLOOR!! HOLY GOD!!! He might've BROKEN HIS NECK WITH THAT MOVE!! NOW SAGE, what is he doing now? He's got YBOK......and a GORILLA PRESS!! And you know what's COMING, don't you JAKE??"
JAKE SHADES: "Ah SHUT UP, ROSS!"
TONY ROSS: "SCORN DEATH DROP!! SAGE just DROPPED Ybok from that Gorilla Press move RIGHT ACROSS THE GUARDRAIL!! YBOK hit HEAD-FIRST!!! Black Sage.....has JUST SYSTEMATICALLY ELIMINATED Talent Relations, and that might've just evened up the ODDS in this one! It's back to one-on-one an-BASEBALL SLIDE!! Billy Matthews caught Sage with a BASEBALL SLIDE from behind!"
JAKE SHADES: "Oh yes! C'mon Billy, don't let Doc down!"
(SFX: DINGDINGDING)
TONY ROSS: "Matthews now, hammering away on Sage with right hands on the outside, RIGHT in front of us! Sage looks a little STUNNED, and Matthews just rolls him back into the ring! Billy back in quickly, and STOMPING away on the National Champion! Now pulls him up, and an irish whip! No, reversed by Sage! Matthews off the ropes...DUCKS A BIG LARIAT....off the opposite side...DUCKS A BACK ELBOW from Sage....off the ropes AGAIN....and Sage with a PRESS SLA-no! Matthews drops down behind, and grabs a WAIST LOCK.....Now BOTH men going off the ropes! Matthews TRIES A ROLLUP--but Sage blocked it! Matthews rolls through and goes off the opposite side....DUCKS ANOTHER RUNNING CLOTHESLINE.....Billy off the other side....and BLACK SAGE ALMOST took his head off with a BIG FOREARM!!"
LADY VERONICA: "Matthews is a fairly well-rounded competitor, and it should come as no surprise that he would favor a fast pace matchup like this! He's better geared for it than Sage is, with his smaller body size!"
TONY ROSS: "Matthews is having a hard time getting to his feet after that HUGE forearm! Sage is taking his time, not rushing in to follow up on the offensive, waiting to see what Matthews might have planned! NOW he's back up, and the two men circle each other, analyzing their next moves. Now they lockup--no! Matthews FAKED it, and caught one of Sage's arms, and WRENCHES it around! And now LOOK at him JAR IT and TUG on it! Matthews has found a body part, and he's working it over!"
LADY VERONICA: "Solid strategy by Billy Matthews to begin this match! No man is nearly as effective when he only has 1 arm! This is almost an ESSENTIAL element of Matthew's strategy if he wants to win the title tonight!"
JAKE SHADES: "I'll say this: If Silver HAS recruited Matthews, he going to have to ditch all this "technical strategy"! Silver knows that all this crap does is put fans to sleep! Piano wire and serious bloodshed are what sells today!"
LADY VERONICA: "Jake, I coulda gone the rest of the night without you reminding me of THAT tag match."
TONY ROSS: "Matthews just POUNDING on Sage's left arm shoulder right hands and forearms! He wrenches the arm around AGAIN, but THIS TIME Sage just throws him off and into a corner! And SAGE connects with a SIDE ELBOW to the head! Now Sage, has Billy by the throat with two hands...and he just THREW HIM 10 feet across the ring!! UNREAL display of POWER by Black Sage!"
LADY VERONICA: "On Sage's side of the coin, things like THAT are the keys to HIS victory tonight! Exploit your huge weight advantage whenever possible, and keep Billy grounded with power moves like that one!"
TONY ROSS: "Matthews is back up, and now Sage has him with an irish whip! Matthews, off the ropes.....and A BACK BODYDROP!! WOW! AMAZING ELEVATION on that move!! Matthews might've been up eight of NINE feet in the air on that one! Matthews is FIGHTING to get back up, and back into a corner! Sage, another irish whip....and HOLY SH----MATTHEWS just went SAILING over the top rope from the sheer FORCE of that irish whip! Billy, ALL THE WAY to the OUTSIDE!!
JAKE SHADES: "Where the hell IS Silver anyway?"
TONY ROSS: "Not out here, and that's all that matters! Billy, taking a second or two to catch his breath here, and now....what is he doing? He's going over to the Timekeeper, and--He's got a STEEL CHAIR! What the HELL? What does Matthews think he's doing? He's pointing up at Sage and yelling something...and now he THROWS the chair into the ring!
LADY VERONICA: "Is Matthews trying to get this changed to an "Anything Goes" match or something?
TONY ROSS: "Sage turns to go get the chair--wait! Matthews in, and he JUMPS SAGE from BEHIND! The chair was just a SETUP to get Sage to turn his back! That was....brilliant! Unorthadox strategy, and bending the rules, but that was a great bit of thinking by Billy Matthews, and he's got the upperhand back!"
JAKE SHADES: "I betcha Doc taught him that...."
TONY ROSS: "Matthews is STILL hammering away on Sage in a corner, and now an irish whip - no, Sage reverses! Matthews--no, he caught himself just before he hit the corner! An--He just SPIT at SAGE!! Sage CHARGES in, and MATTHEWS moved out of the way!! Sage hit the corner HARD! Matthews, climbs the turnbuckle and look at him HAMMER away on the National Champion!"
LADY VERONICA: "More of this "deception" strategy by Billy Matthews! He's baiting Sage, getting him to COMMIT offensively, and taking advantage of his mistakes! I'm not sure anybody has ever tried to go this route with Sage, but SO FAR, Matthews is making it work for him!"
TONY ROSS: "Matthews is still pounding away on Sage in the corner, and SAGE JUST *THREW* HIM OFF! Matthews lands HARD on his back, but he ROLLED right through it and he's RIGHT back on Sage! Nice agility from the challenger, and he's back to LAYING in right hands to Sage! SAGE THROWS HIM OFF AGAIN! Matthews rolls through and comes right back at him and SAGE CATCHES HIM WITH AN ELBOW COMING IN!"
LADY VERONICA: "Sage with an irish whip! Matthews off the ropes, and Sage GOING FOR ANOTHER PRESS SLAM! He's GOT HIM UP! Matthews is FIGHTING IT, and he WIGGLES out of it! Matthews drops down, and RAKES the eyes of Sage!"
TONY ROSS: "Matthews hooks Sage, and--is he gonna try to SUPLEX him?? Matthews is trying to SUPLEX the near-300 pound National Champion!! Annnd....Sage BLOCKED it! Sage blocked it, and now HE'S got Matthews HOOKED and now HE delivers a suplex of his own! What IMPACT! Now, both men getting to their feet, an--WOW! Sage just DRILLED Billy Matthews with a HIGH KNEE, and SENT HIM FLYING OVER THE TOP ROPE to the floor AGAIN!"
JAKE SHADES: "Oh C'MON Billy!"
LADY VERONICA: "Big mistake by Matthews, trying to suplex somebody the size of Black Sage! He needs to hit-and-run, and not get caught into a match where he's trying to match POWER with Black Sage!"
JAKE SHADES: "Yeah Billy! Listen to the BIMBO! Hit-and-run! GUERILLA WARFARE, baby!! That's how Doc likes it!"
TONY ROSS: "Matthews....STRUGGLING to get to his feet, and Sage is not wasting any time! He reaches over and he's got Billy by the HAIR! PULLING him up to the apron, but Billy with a THUMB to the eye that stops Sage! And now Billy, woah, LOOK at that! Matthews, using the 2nd rope as a slingshot, just shot UNDERNEATH the bottom rope, THROUGH Sage's legs and behind! Up quickly, and DRILLS Sage with a forearm! Now Matthews, irish whip! Nope, reversed by Sage! Matthews off the ropes....Sage - head down, and Matthews CATCHES HIM WITH A SUNSET FLIP! Can he get him over?? Both men are FIGHTING this! Annnnnnddd..........OH MY!! Sage just REACHED DOWN with both hands, WRAPPED them around the throat of Billy Matthews, and PULLED him straight up into a SUSPENDED CHOKE HOLD!! What INCREDIBLE POWER by Black Sage!! Sage now....walking him around, and HE CROTCHES HIM ON THE RING ROPES!!"
LADY VERONICA: "Very interesting to note that thus far, neither man has attempted a PINFALL, and both men, especially Sage, have had their chances!"
TONY ROSS: "Sage pulls Matthews down off the ropes, and Matthews obviously still feeling the effects of that last maneuver! Sage now, another irish whip, and Sage is charging in behind! Matthews...JUST MANAGES to DUCK A LARIAT by Sage! Sage got knocked a bit off balance into the ropes by that miss, and BILLY MATTHEWS FOLLOWS UP WITH A CLOTHESLINE that sends BOTH men over the top and OUT! No, wait! Billy held on to the ropes on the way over, and a PRETTY "Skin-the-Cat" puts him right back in the ring! Nice move from the challenger! Sage hit floor HARD, right in front of the aisle-way!"
LADY VERONICA: "Very RING-SAVVY move by Billy Matthews right there! Billy needed a moment to get himself together, and he was able to duck Sage's clothesline and follow up with one of his own! Now Sage is DOWN on the outside, and Billy has a chance to catch his breath!"
TONY ROSS: "Stu Fields has the count going here, and Billy might want to keep aware of that! As we all know, he can't win the title on countout! He looks to be going outside to get at Sage, but Stu Fields won't let him go! Well, the count is BROKEN, and Matthews arguing his point wi---wait a second...he...NO!!! NO!!!!! GLADIATOR!!! IT'S GLADIATOR!!! HE'S BACK!!! HE'S TEARING DOWN TO RINGSIDE!!! HE'S GOT THE PIANO WIRE WRAPPED AROUND HIS HAND!!!! STOP HIM!! HE'S INSANE!!!! SAGE....SAGE DOESN'T SEE HIM!!!! JESUS CHR(FCC)IST!!! GLADIATOR JUST *TORE* RIGHT INTO THE FACE OF BLACK SAGE WITH A RIGHT HAND LACED IN PIANO WIRE!!! AND LOOK AT HIM HAMMER AWAY AT SAGE ON THE FLOOR!!!"
JAKE SHADES: "YEEEESSSSS!!!! DOC SILVER SAVES THE DAY!!! MORE BLOOD!!"
LADY VERONICA: "Oh my GOD! Sage is obviously been RIPPED WIDE OPEN by those PUNCHES and that PIANO WIRE!! This is SICKENING!! Now Gladiator has apparantly had enough fun, as he's LONG-GONE, back up the aisle! Stu Fields was arguing with Billy Matthews about breaking the count, and he missed EVERYTHING! Matthews SAW the whole thing, and look at the look on HIS face!! What does he think about this?"
JAKE SHADES: "Probably wondering what he's gonna get Doc Silver for his next BIRTHDAY! Haha!"
TONY ROSS: "I'm not sure Billy Matthews knows WHAT to think! Blood is POURING out of Sage's head on the outside, and that CHEAP-SHOT ARTIST Gladiator is back in the lockerroom by now! I suppose this is just an EXAMPLE of Gladiator being a bodyguard for Anarky! Protect the World Championship, right JAKE??"
JAKE SHADES: And WHAT IF IT IS?? This is WAR, Ross!! There ARE no rules!"
TONY ROSS: "Matthews FINALLY gets by Fields and slides out of the ring! Over to Sage, and he pulls him up! Oh my, a CRIMSON MASK on the National Champion! Blood is just EVERYWHERE!! Matthews, looking him over, and just TAGGED him with a right hand! And now LOOK at him go to work! He's got Sage in a headlock, and he's POUNDING Sage in the face with short right hands!"
LADY VERONICA: "If that attack is just about Sage versus Doc and Co., then you can't really fault Matthews in this situation! To him, it isn't how you play the game, it's whether you win or lose, and Billy Matthews is now ON THE DOORSTEP of winning back the FWF National Championship!"
TONY ROSS: "Matthews still has Sage, and HE JUST IRISH WHIPPED him RIGHT INTO THE RINGPOST! OH JES--Sage hit HEAD-FIRST!! Sage hit head-first! The National Champion is DOWN - and he might be out COLD!!"
JAKE SHADES: "C'mon Billy, don't let him get counted out!"
LADY VERONICA: "Not sure WHAT the status of the count is at this point! Stu Fields is seeing all that blood on the floor, and he's looking around! He didn't see Gladiator attack Sage, so he can't make a ruling on that! Now he's yelling at Matthews to get back in the ring!"
TONY ROSS: "I don't see Billy doing that, quite honestly! Sage is still down, and Billy now, up to the ring apron! Looking down at Sage's body, an--he's not! He's not gonna---He...HE.....BODY SPLASH!!! BILLY MATTHEWS JUST SPLASHED BLACK SAGE from the ring apron, ALL THE WAY to the FLOOR!!" WHATTA MOVE by the challenger!!"
LADY VERONICA: "Even if Sage DOES get back in the ring, I'm not so sure this isn't already a foregone conclusion! The blood on his face is SURELY going to affect his vision, and at some point, it's going to end up being a factor in Sage's STAMINA! Matthews is doing the smart thing, keeping up the attack!"
TONY ROSS: "Sage is BARELY conscious at this point, and Matthews is FIGHTING to get him on his feet and into the ring! It's taking a SUPREME effort, but he's getting it done, and Sage is back in the ring! Matthews follows him in and goes to the corner! UP TO THE 2nd ROPE!! Sage is slowly getting to his feet, but he doesn't see Matthews BEHIND HIM......BULLDOG!! A BULLDOG from the 2nd ROPE!! Matthews PLANTED him!! And THE COVER!! ONE......TWO......TH--NO!! NO!! NO!! SAGE GOT A SHOULDER UP! I DON'T KNOW HOW!!"
LADY VERONICA: "Our first pinfall attempt, and we ALMOST saw the three count and a new champion! Matthews can FEEL IT! But you know, if Billy Matthews win the title tonight, you know that there's gonna be HELL to pay Black Sage to Doc and Co.!"
JAKE SHADES: "Yeah right! I'm sure Doc's about to PISS himself with that thought!"
TONY ROSS: "Billy Matthews may not be denied tonight! He's back up easily, and he's just STOMPING away at Sage's face! GRINDING his heels into it! Taking his time, and now he pulls Sage back up! From the corner, irish whip! No! Reversed by Sage! Matthews hops up to the 2nd turnbuckle on his way in, and A BACK ELBOW FINDS ITS MARK ON THE REBOUND! GREAT counter by Matthews, and ANOTHER COVER - ONE......TWO........THR--! NO! ONLY TWO! ONLY a TWO-COUNT!"
LADY VERONICA: "Sage reversed that irish whip, but there wasn't ANYTHING behind it, and it gave Matthews plenty of time to think on his feet and come up with that Back Elbow on the rebound! You have to wonder how much scales of Strength and Power will begin to shift as this match goes on, and Sage continues to lose blood!"
TONY ROSS: "Fatigue might be beginning to set in just a little bit for Matthews as well! The pace of this match has slowed down significantly in the last few minutes! As it is, Matthews seems content to just work on the face of Black Sage, seeing how much he can open him up! Sage is flat on his back, and Billy is drilling him with short right hands! Now Billy, going off the ropes, and DROPS a knee on Sage's head!"
LADY VERONICA: "This is great focus by the challenger, Billy Matthews, Tony! He's doing significant damage to Sage without using up a lot of energy, which for him, is preferable to the fast pace these two were at earlier on!"
JAKE SHADES: "Stupid referee! He should stop this match! I'm sure Sage doesn't want to risk his health any more than he has to!"
LADY VERONICA: "If Stu Fields crowns Billy Matthews the new National Champion without a pin or a submission, then Sage will probably make sure he's not the only one getting stitches in the back after the match!"
TONY ROSS: "Black Sage is FACE-DOWN on the canvas, and you can almost SEE a POOL of blood forming around his head! Now Matthews, going to the outside! Sage is STILL down, and Matthews IS GOING TO THE TOP ROPE!!! HANDS HIGH IN THE AIR.......FLYING ELBOW!!! FLYING ELBOW!!! HE DRILLED IT *RIGHT* INTO THE CHEST!!! THIS SHOULD BE IT!!!! MATTHEWS WITH THE COVER - ONE..........TWO............THR---NOOOOOOOOO!!!! SAGE GOT THE SHOULDER UP AGAIN!!! UNBELIEVABLE!!"
LADY VERONICA: "That IS unbelievable! Sage is GUTTING it out here, but the odds are getting very LONG against him, that he'll walk out tonight with the Natonal Title, and Matthews is gaining confidence, with each SECOND that goes by!"
TONY ROSS: "Matthews pulls Sage up, and CLAMPS down HARD with a Front Facelock! Very elementary. Very BASIC, but incredibly EFFECTIVE in this situation!"
LADY VERONICA: "Absolutely, Tony! It's an odd point to make in this situation, but Matthews is using the human body's physiology to his own advantage here! He's only cutting off Sage's blood flow to the brain SLIGHTLY, but it's enough to RAISE his blood pressure, and that's going to make him BLEED even more!"
JAKE SHADES: "You mean MORE blood?? Excellent!! Damn, but Matthews knows what I like!"
TONY ROSS: "Matthews is trying to bring Sage back down to the mat, but WOW!! Sage just BACKDROPPED Matthews right out of the hold!! Matthews landed HARD, but he's right back up, and SLAPS down on the FACELOCK again! Sage, reaches DEEP DOWN, and BACKDROPS him AGAIN!! Sage is staggering around, trying to get his feet back, and MATTHEWS CATCHES HIM with a DROPKICK!! That was FLUSH, and Black Sage got KNOCKED right back into the corner!!"
LADY VERONICA: "What we just saw was a good sign if you're a Sage fan, as those were the first offensive moves he's had in several minutes!"
JAKE SHADES: "Offensive moves?!? That's called "Desperation", sweetie! There's a difference! But then again, you might be right! Every time Sage "moves", he offends SOMEBODY! HA!"
TONY ROSS: "Matthews now, irish whip! No! Sage reverses! Matthews with a leap frog from the corne--no!! Sage CAUGHT him!! Sage caught him on his SHOULDER!! What's he gonna do?? Matthews is FIGHTING it! Sage is trying to keep him there, and MATTHEWS drops down behind! He leaps onto his back and...SLEEPER!!!!! A SLEEPER!!! Matthews caught Sage with his back turned, leapt up and locked on a Sleeperhold! Sage is carrying Matthews on his back!!"
LADY VERONICA: "I tell ya, tonight has been an EXERCISE in how to be a RING GENERAL, and your professor is Billy Matthews! Billy might only be 200 pounds, but right now, that's 200 EXTRA pounds that Black Sage isn't accustomed to carrying around!"
TONY ROSS: "This is a TEXTBOOK sleeper, and you see Sage is beginning to FADE AWAY! He's down to one knee! You can see Matthews has Sage's head CRIMPED to one side! Oh man, he's got this hold on GOOD!"
(From far away, we hear the crowd begin to boo.)
TONY ROSS: "Sage is waving his arms around, TRYING to get to the ropes, but he's in the middle of the ring! AND HE COLLAPSES!! BLACK SAGE IS DOWN!! THIS COULD BE IT!!"
(The booing grows louder)
TONY ROSS: "Both men are LAYED OUT on the mat, an--wait a second.....there's somebody in the aisleway!! It's.....THAT'S DOC SILVER!! DOC SILVER IS HERE! AND GLADIATOR!! THAT INSANE HUMAN BEING IS ON HIS WAY TO RINGSIDE AGAIN!!! And WHO's that behind them??? ANARKY!!! THE FWF WORLD CHAMPION is BRINGING UP THE REAR!!"
JAKE SHADES: "FINALLY!"
TONY ROSS: "Silver, Gladiator and Anarky are on their way to ringside! In the meantime, Stu Fields is checking on Black Sage!! He's gonna check his arm, and if it drops THREE times, Billy Matthews is the new champion!"
JAKE SHADES: "This is the moment of TRIUMPH for Doc Silver and Anarky, and he wants to be out here to see it 1st HAND!"
TONY ROSS: "Fields, raises Sage's arm for the FIRST time........annnndd it DROPS!!"
LADY VERONICA: "LOOK AT BILLY MATTHEWS!!! LOOK AT HIS FACE!! THIS IS THE MOMENT HE'S WAITED A WHOLE *YEAR* FOR!!! THIS CROWD IS ON ITS FEET!!!"
TONY ROSS: "STU FIELDS, RAISING the arm again!! Annnnndd..........IT DROP--NO, IT DI---YES IT DID!! YES IT DID!! STU FIELDS SAYS THE ARM *DID* HIT THE MAT! THAT'S TWO!!! THEY'RE GONNA DO IT ONE MORE TIME!!
JAKE SHADES: "Ladies and Gentlemen, the WINNER, and the *NEW* F...W...F NATIONAL CHAMPION....."
TONY ROSS: "EVERYONE IS BRACING THEMSELVES!! Stu Fields has one hand UP, ready to call for the bell!! HE BRINGS THE ARM UP!!! Annnnnnnnnnnddd..............."
(THE CROWD POPS SUPER HARDCORE)
TONY ROSS: "NOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!! IT DIDN'T DROP!!! IT DIDN'T DROP!!!! IT DIDN'T DROP!!!! THIS ONE IS NOT OVER YET!!!!!"
JAKE SHADES: "WHAT THE--??@?@ ARE YOU FU(FCC)KING SERIOUS?!?!?!?
LADY VERONICA: "I think Sage just spotted Gladiator, Anarky and Doc Silver at ringside, Tony!!
TONY ROSS: "He's seen SOMETHING he doesn't like, that's for sure!! Look at him now!! He's KICKING and FIGHTING THIS SLEEPER!! He's trying to get to the ropes!! He's PIN-WHEELING his arms and legs!! He's getting close!! All Matthews can do his hold on!! Sage is gonna make it, I think Veronica!! Annnd........YES!! SAGE HAS THE ROPES! SAGE HAS THEM, and BILLY HAS TO BREAK THE HOLD! He's gonna wait on the count! Fields is up to 3......4....and Matthews breaks the hold!! He waited it out as long as he cou--OH COME ON!! DOC SILVER JUST REACHED IN A PAINT-BRUSHED Sage while the referee's back was turned!"
LADY VERONICA: "And look at those three IDIOTS outside!! They got a good kick out of that, I'm sure!"
JAKE SHADES: (laughing) "Who wouldn't? And anyway, I think Silver was just trying to wake him up a little!"
TONY ROSS: "I don't think Silver wants to motivate Sage anymore than HIS presence already HAS! In any event, Matthews comes in, trying to pull Sage up, an--WOAH!! SAGE JUST GRABBED THE WAISTLINE of MATTHEWS'S JEANS AND USED THEM AS LEVERAGE to SEND HIM RIGHT OUT THE FLOOR!! MATTHEWS I THINK, COLLIDED WITH DOC SILVER ON HIS WAY DOWN!!"
JAKE SHADES: "HEY, WAIT A SECOND! What the HELL was that??"
LADY VERONICA: "PAYBACK, Jake! Just a little payback, I think!"
TONY ROSS: "Matthews may have hit heads with Doc Silver there! He looks a little WOOZY as he gets to his feet! And SAGE is also getting to HIS feet on the inside! Anarky and Gladiator are helping Silver up, and he looks NONE too pleased with what just happened! Matthews is still a little unsteady, but he manages to get back in the ring! And Sage is right there to greet him! LOOK at Sage STOMPING away at Billy Matthews!!"
LADY VERONICA: "Sage's face is still slick with blood, from that RIDICULOUS attack from Gladiator, but he may have gotten SOME KIND of second wind, and he's taking full advantage of the edge he's got right now! Look at this! He's not even LETTING Matthews get to his feet!"
JAKE SHADES: "C'mon Fields!! Make him give Matthews some room!"
TONY ROSS: "Matthews, finally doesn't even have a CHOICE! He has to roll back out of the ring! He's trying to create some distance, but Sage isn't backing off! He's going to the OUTSIDE, right behind him!! Both men out on the floor, and now they're TRADING RIGHT HANDS!!! WOW!! LOOK AT THIS EXCHANGE!! MATTHEWS IS GIVING IT EVERYTHING HE'S GOT!!! AND SAGE IS JUST LAYING IN THOSE FOREARMS, RIGHT TO THE HEAD!!"
LADY VERONICA: "Matthews CANNOT stand toe-to-toe and brawl with Sage! He needs to move! Create distance, just like you said, Tony!"
TONY ROSS: "I think he finally realized that, Veronica! He just broke off from Sage, and now he's circling around the ring, and now under the bottom rope INTO the ring! Sage is in hot pursuit, and he rolls into the ring! Now up to his feet, an--wait--WHAT THE HELL! ANARKY just reached in and TRIPPED Sage as he was trying to get to his feet!! That's a bunch of CRAP!!"
LADY VERONICA: "Referee Stu Fields must agree with you, Tony! He saw that little move, and LOOK AT HIM giving Anarky the word at ringside!! He's getting right in his face!! And...what the--he's pointing....HE JUST TOSSED HIM!!! STU FIELDS JUST TOLD ANARKY to go TAKE A HIKE!!! ANARKY'S JUST BEEN THROWN OUT OF RINGSIDE!! LOOK AT HIM! HE'S IRATE!!"
JAKE SHADES: "What BUSINESS does that MORON Fields have telling the World Champion what to do??"
TONY ROSS: "He has every BUSINESS doing it! Look at Doc Silver!! He can't believe it!!! He's TRYING to back down Stu Fields, but Stu's holding his ground here! Anarky doesn't want to leave, but now I think Doc Silver is trying to convince him to, to avoid a fine or a suspension! Anarky's starting to buy it, I think! He just NODDED at Doc, and NOW he's headed back up the aisle! He's still giving grief to Stu Fields as he's going!
JAKE SHADES: "C'mon Anarky! Equalizer! That'd be great!"
TONY ROSS: "Back in the ring, where BOTH men are watching all this going on! Sage has his back to Matthews. Matthews now, off the ropes! Sage turns to see him - going for a LARIAT! Wait - no! Matthews blocked it! Shoots up behind him - HOOKS HIM! REVERSE DDT!!!!!!!!! BILLY MATTHEWS HITS A REVERSE DDT!!!!! THAT'S THE SETUP!!!!! OH MY GOD, I THINK THIS IS IT!!!!! MATTHEWS NOW.....GOING TO THE ROPE!!!! THIS IS GONNA DO IT!!! ANNNNNNNDDD......SHOOTING STAR PRESS!!!! THERE IT IS!!! MATTHEWS GOT ALL OF IT!!!!! THAT'LL DO IT!!! WE'RE GONNA HAVE A NEW CHAMPION!!!! MATTHEWS WITH A COVER!!!! BUT......BUT STU FIELDS IS STILL DEALING WITH SILVER AND ANARKY IN THE AISLEWAY!!! HE DOESN'T SEE IT!!! SAGE IS NOT MOVING!!!!"
JAKE SHADES: "NO!!!! NO! NO! NO! C'MON!!! THIS ISN'T RIGHT!!!"
TONY ROSS: "FIELDS....HE TURNS AND *SEES THE COVER*!!! HE'S RACING BACK TO THE RING!!! CAN HE GET THERE IN TIME????? HE'S THERE!! OVER FOR THE COUNT - ONE..................TWO...................THREE!!!"
JAKE SHADES: "YEEEEESSSSS!!!!!!"
TONY ROSS: "NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!! HEDIDN'TGETHIM!!! HE! DID! NOT! GET! HIM!!! BLACK SAGE GOT A SHOULDER UP JUST IN THE NICK OF TIME, AND MATTHEWS IS IN SHOCK!!!"
JAKE SHADES: "THAT WAS A THREE COUNT!!"
LADY VERONICA: "NO IT WASN'T!!"
JAKE SHADES: "YES IT WAS, DAMMIT!!!
LADY VERONICA: "SAGE GOT THE SHOULDER UP, JAKE!! IT COULDN'T BE ANY CLOSER, BUT IT WAS PLAIN AS DAY!!! Matthews would've had it won if Fields had been there to see it, but he wasn't!! Matthews had him pinned for almost TEN SECONDS!!"
TONY ROSS: "Both men, LAYED out at center ring! Who can say what it took out of Matthews, to be THAT close, and still not get it! You may not like Billy Matthews, but you better RESPECT the man, after what he's done tonight!!"
LADY VERONICA: "From what I can see, Anarky has indeed LEFT ringside, per the orders of referee Stu Fields! You saw him put up a fight as he was leaving, and I guess Doc Silver was able to convince him to hit the showers!"
TONY ROSS: "Matthews now, SLOWLY getting to his feet! He's gonna have to put all that behind him and persevere now! He's got Sage, hooks him, looking for a Russian Leg Sweep! And--no! Sage leaned forward and BLOCKED it! And Sage.....reaches down and PULLS Matthews into a BACK SUPLEX! BOTH MEN hit HARD there! I'm not even sure Matthews got the WORST of it!"
LADY VERONICA: "He might have a hard time being motivated, but he has to get it together! He can still win this match, Tony! He can't start making these crucial mistakes!"
JAKE SHADES: "He should walk out on protest! He WON this match! He's the RIGHTFUL Champion!"
TONY ROSS: "BOTH men are down here! They're SPENT! But if either one just ROLLS OVER, they've got a pin! Who's it gonna BE? Who's gonna move first?? It's........Matthews! Matthews just sat up! I think he's got a little bit more gas in the tank at this point! He turns and DRAPES an arm across SAGE! FIELDS IN POSITION - ONE.............TWO................THRE--NO!!!"
JAKE SHADES: "AAAAAAHHHHHH!! WHAT! A! CROCK!"
LADY VERONICA: "Sage got the shoulder up AGAIN!! Fans, if you're watching at home, I hope you recognize the SACRIFICE you're seeing from the FWF National Champion! Sage is gonna leave God-knows-how-much BLOOD in Dodger Stadium tonight, but he'll be DAMNED if he doesn't leave with the National Title!!"
TONY ROSS: "Billy Matthews.....is WILLING himself to get back to his feet, Veronica! This is almost UNREAL!! He's the first man up! Meanwhile, Sage is struggling to regain his feet! He's on his knees! And Matthews.....is looking to GO TO THE TOP ROPE AGAIN!!! He's gone outside! And now he's CLIMBING THE LADDER!! Sage, back up to his feet! I'm not sure he sees him! Matthews...with a CROSS-BODY BLO--NOOO!!! SAGE CAUGHT HIM!!! SAGE turned into it and CAUGHT Matthews COMING DOWN! NOW HE WHIPS HIM UP INTO A GORILLA PRESS!!!!!!!!!!"
JAKE SHADES: "NOOOOOOOO!!!!!! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO!"
TONY ROSS: "SCORN DEATH DROP!!!!! THE SCORN DEATH DROP ACROSS THE TURNBUCKLE!!!! WHAT A MOVE BY THE NATIONAL CHAMPION!!!! NOW HE'S MOUNTING THE TURNBUCKLE!!!!!!"
JAKE SHADES: AAAAHHHHHHHH!! NOO!!!! DOC! STOP HIM!!!!"
TONY ROSS: "HE'S GONNA TRY IT!!!! SAGE HAS GOT HIM HOOKED!!!!..............BLACK PLAGUE!!!!!! THE BLACK PLAGUE!!!!! THAT'S GONNA BE ALL!!!! THIS ONE IS ACADEMIC!!!! OVER FOR THE COVER!!! LEG IS HOOKED - ONE..........................TWO..............................THREE!!!!!
JAKE SHADES: "AAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUGGGGGGHHHHHHH!!"
LADY VERONICA: "FOOTONTHEROPES!!!! FOOT ON THE ROPES!!!!!! MATTHEWS GOT A FOOT ON THE ROPES!!!! FIELDS IS WAVING OFF THE THREE-COUNT!!"
TONY ROSS: "SAGE IS EXHAUSTED!! *MATTHEWS* IS EXHAUSTED!! STU FIELDS IS EXHAUSTED!!! I'M EXHAUSTED!!! DOC SILVER IS IN SHOCK!!!!"
(Jake Shades is gasping for air)
LADY VERONICA: "How.......HOW do you even BEGIN to top THAT?? You have to wonder....if these two men can absorb all that they have, and not be able to finish each other.....what WILL do it?"
TONY ROSS: "BOTH men are DOWN! What is it gonna TAKE??? Sage is BEGINNING to stir! Both these men look like they're going in slow motion! Sage.....pulling Matthews up, and Matthews with a thumb to the eye! SMALL PACKAGE!! ONE........TWO.........THRE- NO!!!! Sage kicked out again!! Both men back up! Matthews charges in! No! Sage, ducks under and behind!! A ROLLUP!! ONE.......TWO.......THRE-- NOO!!!!!!!!!! This time it's MATTHEWS kicking out!!
LADY VERONICA: "Both these guys are working on about their 31st wind!"
JAKE SHADES: (hoarsely) "C'mon Billy!!!"
TONY ROSS: "Both men up again!! They lock up, and it's SAGE with an irish whip! No, REVERSED by Matthews! Sage goes off the ropes, and its MATTHEWS with a THRUST KIC---no!! SAGE caught his foot! Sage anticipated and caught Billy Matthews when he went for a thrust kick! Sage, what he's gonna d--ENZUIGIRI!!! BILLY MATTHEWS CAUGHT BLACK SAGE WITH AN ENZUIGIRI KICK!!! IT ONLY CAUGHT THE UPPER HALF of his head, but it was enough to put him DOWN!! Matthews now, to the OUTSIDE!!!"
JAKE SHADES: "Oh God, PLEASE let this be it!!"
TONY ROSS: "MATTHEWS.....is GOING TO THE TOP ROPE!!! HE'S GOING UP!!! And---SAGE! Sage is getting up!! HE'S *FIGHTING* TO GET UP!! MATTHEWS IS ON THE TOP ROPE!! WHAT IS HE--!?! CROTCHED!!! CROTCHED!!! SAGE BOUNCED OFF THE ROPES, and MATTHEWS GOT *CROTCHED* ON THE TOP ROPE!! NOW SAGE.....MOUNTING THE TURNBUCKLE!!! WHAT---Oh he's not GONNA!!!! HE'S NOT!! NO! NO! THAT'S GONNA KILL HIM!!!!!! JESUS CHRI(FCC)ST!!!!! DEATH VALLEY DRIVER!!!! FROM THE TOP ROPE!!!!!!!! I DON'T BELIEVE IT!!!!!! HOE! LEE! SH(FCC)IT!!!!!!!!!!!!
(Everyone in the Dodger Stadium is STANDING, each with an odd look of shock and horror)
TONY ROSS: "BILLY MATTHEWS is OUT!!!! SAGE......IS CRAWLING OVER!!!! CAN HE MAKE IT??? THE BLOOD HE'S LOST, DOES HE HAVE ENOUGH IN HIM???? CAN HE...........YES!!! YES!!! HE'S GOT AN ARM ON HIM!!!! STU FIELDS, DOWN FOR THE COVER - ONE.............................TWO........................THREE!!!!!
{SFX: DINGDINGDING}
LADY VERONICA: "HE GOT HIM!!!! IT'S OVER!!!!!!"
JAKE SHADES: "AAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!! NO, HE KICKED OUT!! HE KICKED OUT!!! SOMEBODY, PLEASE TELL ME HE KICKED OUT!!! (He breaks down sobbing)
PAUL KRAMER: "THE WINNNNNNEEERRRR OF THIS BOUT...........AND STIIIIIIILLLLLLLL the FRONTIER WRESTLING FEDERATION *NATIONAL* CHAMPION............BLAAAAACK............SAAAAAAAAGGGEEEEE!!"
TONY ROSS: "WHAT an AMAZING MATCH!!! Who knows how much BLOOD Sage has lost!!! Who knows what kind of INJURIES Billy Matthews has SUSTAINED!!! Both these men, I imagine have got a trip to the hospital in their near fut--oh no........OH NO!!!!! NO! STOP THEM!!!!!!! DOC SILVER AND GLADIATOR ARE IN THE RING!!!!!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! NOT THAT *DAMNED* PIANO WIRE AGAIN!!!!! STOP HIM!!!!!!! OH JESUS!!!! GLADIATOR IS JUST HAMMERING AWAY ON BILLY MATTHEWS WITH THAT WIRE WRAPPED ON HIS HAND, and DOC SILVER IS CHOKING OUT BLACK SAGE!!!!"
JAKE SHADES: "Yes!! It's like Christmas in July!!!! AND HERE COMES THE MAN!!"
LADY VERONICA: "HERE COME ANARKY!! And LOOK at that SMILE!! One MASSACRE isn't enough for him tonight! Looks like he wants to be party to another!! This is RIDICULOUS!"
TONY ROSS: "As if we needed to tell you, Billy Matthews is SPLIT wide open! Anarky is in the ring, and now he's pointing at Matthews!!! Gladiator pulls him up, and ANARKY has him! Look at that SICK SMILE! Annnnnd.......EQUALIZER!!! ANARKY JUST PLANTED BILLY MATTHEWS WITH AN EQUALIZER!!! I guess this is his PUNISHMENT for gutting it out against the National Champion for almost 30 minutes!!"
JAKE SHADES: "That's what I'd CALL IT! Matthews should've considered the consequences before he THREW THE MATCH! Before he QUIT!"
TONY ROSS: "Ah GOD, Jake......Look at these three VULTURES!! JUST GANG-ATTACKING these two men!! I mean, Billy Matthews might not be a fan favorite, and he's done some DESPICABLE things recently, but this is.......this is just.......(he sighs)...."
{We hear the sound of a headset being taken off. Our camera angle widens slowly, taking in the carnage - The canvas is mostly red, and slick with blood. Several DOZEN officials are surrounding the ring, including referees yelling at Doc and Co. In the ring, Anarky and Doc Silver are strutting about with big smiles, stopping occasionally to threaten any officials that get too close to getting in the ring. Gladiator is alternating between pounding right hands into the face of Billy Matthews, and choking Sage out with the piano wire. Off in the corner, by the Timekeeper's table, are the forms of two men lying on the ground - Talent Relations, Jamar and Ybok. Apparantly, they still haven't woken up.....}
***THIS HAS BEEN A PRODUCTION OF THE FRONTIER WRESTLING FEDERATION - CHICAGO, ILLINOIS. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. COPYRIGHT - @2000.***
{FADEOUT}