CRUISE SHIP AWARDS BANQUET
(FADE-IN: Port Everglades in Fort Lauderdale, Florida. CUE-UP: "Two Tickets to Paradise" by Eddie Money. A large cruise ship, the S.S. Oceanic, is seen leaving port, on its 12 hour journey to Nassau in the Bahamas. CUT-TO: The deck of the ship. Several wrestlers, officials, referees, families, and fans have gathered at the many tables set up like a banquet area in front of a stage. The New Breed is seen sitting at one table with Miss Thang and various other lucky Floridian women, with an ever-growing amount of beer bottles and glasses in front of them. The Lost Souls are seen grabbing their seats, wondering aloud where the food is. JD Badluck and his family are shown talking to referee Sal Putz, and Alister Hayze walks into the banquet area by himself. Everyone seems to be in a glorious non-combative mood as the sun sets in the West over the distant Florida coast. The camera pans over to Tony Ross and Victor Alvarez sitting at a table on the stage next to a podium)
TONY ROSS: "Hello fans and welcome to the FWF Awards Cruise Show here on Fox Sports America! We are here on the S.S. Oceanic on our way to beautiful Nassau in the Bahamas for a few days of fun in the sun, Scott Malec and Joe LeBron's treat to the wrestlers of the FWF!"
VICTOR ALVAREZ: "Yes indeed Tony, the owners of the FWF have decided that the wrestlers here deserved a nice vacation and they got one! Combine that with a beautiful dinner and awards show and we are in store for a great week!"
T.R.: "For the last two months, fans at FWF events in arenas across the country have been asked to fill out ballots in several different categories and vote for their favorite wrestlers! The votes are in, and we have awards to present to the winners here on the ship!"
V.A.: "It's been an incredible year for the FWF, a year of massive growth, and I am curious to see who has been voted as the cream of the crop here in the FWF!"
T.R.: "I have been told that a few wrestlers no-showed this cruise, why I don't know, and Malec and LeBron are incensed! Why they would pass this vacation up, I don't know! Folks, Jake Shades is around here somewhere, and whether I want to see him or not is another story!"
(The camera pans left of the stage as Jake Shades bursts through a crowd of fans, sporting bruises from his unlucky Pittsburgh incident)
JAKE SHADES: "Where in the HELL are they hiding the bathrooms on this rowboat!?"
T.R.: "(sigh) Fans, we gotta take a break, we'll be back with the FWF Awards Cruise!"
(The camera shows the setting sun and the Florida coast with the buildings of Downtown Fort Lauderdale growing smaller on the horizon. Fade to commercial)
(Fade back from commercial. The camera, presumably controlled by Otis "The Periscope" Sawyer, is in a small preparation area inside the ship next to the main deck. Shades bursts into the room, looking a little frantic and walking stiffly, but nobody seems to take any notice of him. Totally frustrated, he sits in one of the chairs set up around the rows of tables, and bends his head to his lap, muttering obscenities to himself. He looks up with a disgusted face, and we his eye catch something. After looking at it for a moment, he stands up and walks over to the catering table. On the white table cloth, is a large empty crystal bowl. Shades picks it up and turns it over in his hands. Finally, he does a quick take around himself, and lips the bowl under his sport jacket. Whistling a little tune, he calmly walks out.
CUT-TO: The main deck. Stone Wolf is shown staring out into the ocean by the railing, sipping on some unknown drink. Most of the wrestlers, families, and fans have been seated at the main banquet area as the show is about to get into gear.
CUT-TO: Tony Ross standing at the podium. Seated to his left are Co-Owners Scott Malec in a tuxedo, sitting with Lady Veronica, dressed in a stunning black evening dress, and next to them are Joe LeBron and his female companion for the evening, both dressed extremely fancy. And next to them is Lord Dread, by himself and in a tuxedo as well. To Ross' right is seated Victor Alvarez, with Jake Shades' chair empty.)
TONY ROSS: "Wrestlers, families, referees, and fans, it is my pleasure to host the 2000 FWF Awards Cruise here on the S.S. Oceanic! Tonight, we will toast the best of the year 1999, the end of a millenium, but a new beginning for the Frontier Wrestling Federation! To my left, Owners Scott Malec and Joe LeBron have prepared a gala evening for us all, and I think they deserve a round of applause for all that they have done!"
(The crowd applauds loudly as Malec and LeBron stand up smiling and waving. Jake Shades is heard yelling "Quit kissing ass, Ross!" as he makes his way to the stage and sits next to Alvarez.)
T.R.: "Dinner will be served momentarily, but right now, I'd like to introduce our first award, to be presented by Troy Martinez and Karen Jewello!"
(CUE-UP: "Wolfmoon" by Type O Negative. Martinez and Jewello walk to the stage, both are dressed in stunningly detailed Gothic outfits, with Karen Jewello barely able to keep her dress on as she walks. Hoots and hollers are heard)
TROY MARTINEZ: "I am here to present the award for Most Unorthodox Wrestler of the Year. I guess the FWF thinks it's funny to have me present the award, being a bit unorthodox myself. All I have to say is, I hope the steaks are rare tonight. OK, Karen, would you care to read the winner?"
KAREN JEWELLO: "Why sure Troy.....the winner is, JOBBER!"
(CUE-UP: Whatever song by the Aquabats Jobber likes at this moment. Applause is heard, with some boos and catcalls from the assembled throng on deck, but Jobber is nowhere to be found.)
V/O: "Due to chronic sea sickness the Jobber is not available to accept this award, so accepting on the behalf of the Jobber, multi-platinum recording artist VANILLA ICE!"
(Cue up "2 Cold" by Vanilla Ice as Vanilla Ice walks out wearing a backwards baseball hat, a black jacket, and broken down jeans. He walks onto the platform avoiding debris thrown by the crowd, and gets behind the podium.)
VANILLA ICE: "Word to yo mothers! Now my boy the Jobber can't be here today, so I'll read the speech he prepared. Yeah yeah! (Looks down at speech on the podium.) 'Now, I'd like to be here accepting this award signifying just how much I had sold out on my true fans, but unfortunately due to my chronic sea sickness I am unable to be there to accept this somewhat prestigious award in front of all of the front running FWF fans who cheer any sap who comes in front of them with some cheap mic work, and a couple stupid catch phrases. I would like to thank my manager JV the true "Drag Queen of Extreme" and my special consultant Mojo, because without them I wouldn't have sold out and signed a contract with the federation that is sucking the lifeblood out of wrestling today. I'd also like to thank Joe LeBron for declaring me Frontier champion at his recent press conference, and Scott Malec for providing JV and Mojo his office for their romp with Rusti Spears.' Yeah yeah! The Ice Man is back, chillin like a villain, with the satisfaction of Michael Jackson, and buy my new album! I really need the money! I have a drug habit to support!"
(Ice starts to walk off the stage, but as he reaches the stairs he is hit with a woman's shoe, and falls down the steps, and hits the ground in an unconscious heap.
CUT-TO: Malec has his head buried in his hands as Joe LeBron is red in the face and consutling with Lord Dread.
CUT-TO: Ross, Alavarez, and Shades seated at the table to the left of the podium)
TONY ROSS: "Well, it appears that Jobber is one of the no-shows for this Awards Show, claiming sea-sickness, and Malec and LeBron appear none too happy!"
JAKE SHADES: "I don't blame Jobber for not coming on this rattrap! This thing can go down at any minute, and the bathrooms are nowhere to be found! I'm gonna catch scurvy or whatever sea diseases they have, and I feel like puking! This steak dinner had better be top notch to rescue this farce!"
(Shades looks to his right worriedly as Joe Massacre is seen scooping punch out of the bowl he confiscated earlier)
T.R.: "What's wrong there, Shades, you look worried?"
J.S.: "Oh, uh, nothing, I'm just a bit nauseated! That always happens when I sit so close to Malec!"
T.R.: "Anyways, fans, Jobber has won Most Unorthodox Wrestler of the Year and for good reason! His promos will either make you laugh or just downright confuse you! His in-ring style is softcore to the bone, and he made a great run at the Frontier Title but fell short, as we all know that Rabesque won that title back in Pittsburgh at the last Battleground!"
V.A.: "It was a hard fought three way match, but Rabesque outlasted both Ricky Kabe and Jober to get the title back he felt he never lost!"
J.S.: "Damn crybaby ought to be suspended for all the whining he does anyway! The guy is the embarassment of the FWF and Ricky Kabe should have no problem getting that title back that Malec ROBBED from him! Where is that French Canadian fruitcake anyway?"
(Camera pans over to the bar across the deck from the stage, and Rabesque and National Champion Nevada Smith are shown downing shot after shot as the bartender laughs at the whole scene. Kraven, Flatliner and Czar look on with smirks from across the bar, with Cognacs in hand and Kraven puffing on a monstrous Havana Empress. Fade to Commercial)
(Fade back in from commercial. Miss Honey (Judy McCann) has returned to the FWF for this special event, along with Eddie McCann. They're talking with a production crew and Eddie is cutting a promo for his WAR promotion, when of all people "Python," McCann's nemesis from WAR, crashes the promo and starts an argument. As Eddie and Python are arguing, along comes Scott Allen minding his own business and trying not to get seasick. He sees the commotion and comes to check it out. Allen sees Miss Honey and quickly pinches her on the ass, which elicits a slap from her and a quick finger in the face from Eddie McCann. Python, ever the opportunist, assaults McCann from behind, knocking him into Allen. The situation erupts into a melee with Eddie on the receiving end of a double assault, but security quickly breaks it up as Python and Allen are hauled to the holding tank.)
CUT-TO: Malec and LeBron getting word of the melee on the opposite deck out of view and Malec throws his arms in the air as LeBron orders Dread to assemble his security force and tighten things up.
CUT-TO: Tony Ross at the podium)
TONY ROSS: "Never a dull moment here in the FWF folks! Our next award will be presented by former Frontier Champion Ricky Kabe!"
(CUE-UP: "Counterfeiter" by Limp Biskit. Kabe gets up from his table and gets some boos but mainly polite applause as he goes to the stage wearing a pair of black, loose slacks, black shoes, and a black, skin tight shirt which is covered by another unbuttoned, silky maroon shirt. He gives cocky looks all around and stares at some wrestlers as he gets to the podium)
RICKY KABE: "The FWF asked me to present this FAKE award for this FAKE ass style of wrestling that almost NOBODY likes, just because its popular in some dunghole corner of South Philadelphia, and I said what the hell, I get an extra few bucks and I get to rip on some of you FRAUDULENT wrestlers from up here! So the winner of the Most Extreme FAKE of the year goes to....(Kabe opens the envelope) SUICIDE KING! A Japanese FRAUD!"
(Kabe throws the envelope behind him and walks off stage as Suicide King comes to the podium and picks the plaque up)
SUICIDE KING: "It is often Amusing to look at life and recognize the irony involved in much of the daily goings on...
Not one week ago I was released from prison after serving My thirty days in prison for assault and trespassing. Through Lots of soul-searching I came to the Conclusion to Make My in-ring Hardcore Style a thing of the past. I shed My Mask, which had been a part of me From the first match of my career, And Decided it were time to work on the more Technical aspects of wrestling, in an effort to reinvent Myself to gain The Respect of My coworkers and employers.
But it seems as though the years of bodily sacrifice that I have Put myself through have finally paid off Because this award Comes From The rest of you in the FWF, And To me that shows That My work here is appreciated. I wish I could Go Back and not relinquish My sacred mask, but the damage has already been done. Yes I will Still Do the amazing highflying moves through tables, And I will Continue wielding a steel Chair, But My Days Of death matches are a thing of the Past. It is with Great pride that I close out this part of my career with an award of this prestige, And I will Continue to Work to the best of my ability for this Company."
(Suicide King quietly walks off the stage to the applause.
CUT-TO: The three announcers)
TONY ROSS: "That was a bit of a surprise of a choice for Most Extreme Wrestler of the Year, classlessly presented by Ricky Kabe!"
VICTOR ALVAREZ: "Scott Allen or Asylum could easily have won that award, especially Asylum since he holds the Extreme Ring! But the fans recognized Suicide King for his suicidal style!"
T.R.: "Jake, why do you keep looking over there? Don't worry, there will be more punch, they're not going to drink it all, you lush!"
(Shades nervously eyes the punch bowl table as Copycat partakes of some of the killer Kool-Aid)
J.S.: "Well, I...uhhhh....I just don't want them to hog it all, ya know?"
T.R.: "Whatever! Fans, we need to take a break, we will return after this message on Fox Sports America!"
(Fade to commercial as a raised camera gets a wide shot of the whole main deck of the S.S. Oceanic)
(Fade back from commercial. Daisy, Asylum's valet, is shown standing in front of the large pool near the main deck of the ship. She is sipping on a rather large Bahama Mama cocktail with an umbrella, fruit slices and everything, and she looks like she's enjoying it. Asylum walks by with his own drink on the way back to the banquet area, and callously shoves Daisy into the pool, losing her drink in the process. She gets to the surface and stares blankly at Asylum.
CUT-TO: Tony Ross at the podium)
TONY ROSS: "We are back here on the FWF Cruise Awards Show on Fox Sports America! It's already been a crazy show so who knows what will happen next! Let's continue with the awards with our next presenter, Michael "The Dragon" Kerrigan!"
(CUE-UP: "Real Solution #9" by White Zombie. Kerrigan gets up from his table wearing a dark grey suit and walks to the podium to the applause)
MICHAEL KERRIGAN: "Fellow wrestlers, families, fans, I am here to present the award for Most Improved Wrestler of the Year. Back when I broke in this business, I was a young brash young man, and I maybe had an attitude and thought that sometimes I was better than I really was. But when I realized this, I gained respect for myself, and I IMPROVED. I worked hard at this game we call wrestling and made myself into what I am today, a RESPECTABLE wrestler. I may not get all the breaks or the chances I should in the FWF, but I fight through the adversity to get to where I need to be, and everyone nominated for this category is no exception. And the Most Improved Wrestler of the Year in the FWF is....(Kerrigan opens the enevlope) RICKY KABE!"
(CUE-UP: "Counterfeiter" by Limp Biskit. Kabe gets up laughing arrogantly as he comes to the stage and snatches the plaque away from Kerrigan. A staredown ensues, and Kerrigan just waves his hand at Kabe and leaves the stage. The boos rain down on Kabe as Jean Rabesque can be heard yelling something from the bar)
RICKY KABE: "Hey screw you Rabesque, you crybaby fraud! Nobody asked for your two cents!"
(CUT-TO: Rabesque stands up and makes the belt motion around his waist further aggravating Kabe. Nevada Smith laughs and downs yet another shot.)
R.K.: "Yeah, we'll see how long you keep that strap, old man! Ya know, seriously...I really don't give a rat's ass about this freakin award. I mean, c'mon...Most Improved? It's more of an insult than an award. It's just like saying...'Okay, Ricky, now, in our opinion, you're not as good of a wrestler as, let's say, Stone Wolf...or Billy Matthews...but, we do feel that you could kick all the Peons' ass, like Rabesque and Jobber...so, we thought we should give you something.' Well, thanx for the slap in the face, You A$$ holes...(Looks at the award) maybe I can use this piece of sh!t as a plunger...or a toilet paper dispenser...hell, I don't know...it's not like I'm gonna cherish it or anything!"
(Kabe leaves the podium to the disgusted boos of the crowd.
CUT-TO: The Announcers Table)
TONY ROSS: "You know, if Kabe had an ounce of professionalism or class, he might still be Frontier Champion right now!"
JAKE SHADES: "Who cares about professionalism or class! Rabesque is a crybaby, a cheater, and he did whatever he could to win that belt back, including paying off the referee, the timekeeper, the Pennsylvania Athletic Commission, Malec, LeBron, anyone within reach of his fistful of money! Let's face it, Rabesque only cares about having a strap around his waist so he can call himself a champion, regardless of how he got it!"
T.R.: "Well, your convoluted views are always unwelcome Shades, and just like Kabe, you cry conspiracy! Victor, Ricky Kabe has been voted Most Improved Wrestler of the Year, your thoughts?"
VICTOR ALVAREZ: "Tony, when Kabe first entered the FWF, he reeked of superstardom. I don't think he improved that much because he already had most of the tools, including a big cocky mouth. I would have voted for Scott Allen in this category, im my book, he made the most progress in 1999."
T.R.: "Good point, Vic. Shades, why in the world don't you just get up and get some punch if you're so enamored with it! There's more than enough for everybody!"
(Shades nervously stares at the punch bowl table again as Alister Hayze helps himself)
J.S.: "No, I'm just not in the mood for punch tonight! I need a beer, I'll be back!"
(Shades leaves the table.
CUT-TO: The bar across from the stage. Rabesque and Nevada Smith have been joined by Stone Wolf, who stands next to two wrestlers getting progressively drunk. Rabesque animatedly asks Stone Wolf to take a shot, but Stone Wolf refuses in a serious tone as he wants to discuss the upcoming Wargames match. Nevada just sneers at Stone Wolf. The camera pans to the right and Billy Matthews is shown sitting alone at a table in the back of the banquet area, wearing blue jeans and a black hooded sweatshirt, obliviously going against the dress code. He stares blankly at the three titled superstars at the bar. Fade to commercial)
(Fade back from Commercial. Otis "The Periscope" Sawyer somehow has weaseled his way into the holding tank with a camera, where Scott Allen and Python have been taken)
SCOTT ALLEN: "Did you see that idiot McCann threatening me? I would have knocked his head right off into the ocean! Big shot punk.."
PYTHON: "Yeah, I've been putting up with his ass for years now. You know what? You should hook up with me in WAR and we can BOTH make his life miserable. Whaddaya say?"
S.A.: "Sounds like a plan to me! Count me in.."
(They are interrupted by Scott Malec, Eddie McCann and three security men entering the cell)
S.A.: "Hey, there's only room for two at this party!"
SCOTT MALEC: "Cut the crap Allen, I've had just about enough of your BS! You are scheduled to present an award and you will do it, and afterwards you will come right back down here! And if you screw up while presenting that award, I'll have you removed from this ship! (turns to Python) As for you, I don't know who invited you, I don't know how you got onto this ship, but you are not an FWF wrestlers and therefore you do not belong here. I want this man removed immediately! Call the Coast Guard, put him on a dinghy, I don't care, just get him outta here!"
S.A.: "Hey McCann, your wife is looking real choice tonight! Grade A 100% USDA, just like those steaks we had earlier!"
(McCann tries to get at Allen but Malec and the security guys stop him. Allen is hauled above decks.
CUT-TO: Tony Ross at the podium)
TONY ROSS: "The fun is just beginning here on the S.S. Oceanic as we have set sail from Fort Lauderdale on our way to Nassau for an incredible week of fun. Fans, as you know, Total Conquest 2000 is our next big event, and be sure you order that, because Scott Malec has decreed, if you watched the last Battleground, that there will be a Wargames match with Nevada Smith, Jean Rabesque, Stone Wolf, and Billy Matthews vs. Minion, "Ikon" Abel Wicks, Ashe Draven, and Golem! What a war that is going to be! Also, for the National Tag Team Titles, a 3 Way match! The champions, the New Breed, will face arch-rivals Joe Massacre and Markus Rammstein, as well as Michael Kerrigan and Troy Martinez! And, you will also see the random 8 man tournament for the National Title shot at Nevada Smith and $50,000! But now, it's time for our next award, to be presented by "Pain Event" Scott Allen!! And I think this is the wrong choice to present this next category!"
(CUE-UP: "Sweet Dreams" by Marilyn Manson. Allen is dragged to the podium by three security men as Malec returns to his seat)
SCOTT ALLEN: "(brushing himself off) God I love a good cruise, the fresh air, the great food, the hot babes! Speaking of hot babes, the next category is for FWF Valet of the Year! As I scan this list of nominees, I can't help but notice all the flesh these ladies show off night in and night out, and I can see many of them out here tonight, and I just want to thank you ladies for the eye candy, because it gives us wrestlers some inspiration, let me tell ya! Anyways, let's see which piece of ass won this thing....(fumbles with the envelope) Ha ha ha ha ha...and the winnnnnnnnnner is......MISS HONEY!! Ha ha ha!!"
(Miss Honey, aka Judy McCann, has a look of shock on her face at the thought of accepting an award from Scott Allen. She is wearing a lovely long white dress and she kisses Eddie McCann, her husband, and advances to the podium. Eddie McCann stays standing watching Allen like a hawk as Malec and LeBron watch also. Honey gets to the stage and Allen hands the plaque to her as she shoots him a dirty look. Allen does a mock courtsey and leaves the stage, as security grabs him and hauls him back to the holding tank.)
MISS HONEY: "Wow, I certainly did not expect this. I just wanted to thank Mr. Malec and Mr. LeBron for allowing me to work here in the FWF, and even though I'm leaving here to be with my husband, I look back with fond memories of the times I had in the FWF. I also want to thank Hacker for having me as his manager, and he has a great future in this sport. (Camera shows Hacker smiling proudly, while Data, sitting next to Hacker, shoots Miss Honey a dirty look) I'll be in WAR if anybody wants to see me! Thank you all!"
(Honey leaves the podium and goes back to a waiting Eddie McCann.
CUT-TO: The announcing team.)
TONY ROSS: "Miss Honey thought it was a surprise that she won this award, but I don't think so! She has been here almost since the beginning and she is one of the most beautiful, if not THE most beautiful woman in wrestling today!"
JAKE SHADES: "Yeah, but she managed a total loser so I don't think she deserves this award! If it was based solely on T+A, she would get a run for her money from Miss Thang, and she manages the National Tag Team Champions, as much as I loathe them! I say have them all battle it out in a wet T-shirt contest over at the pool! I'm up for that! (chugs his beer)
VICTOR ALVAREZ: "In any case, we wish Judy McCann good luck in her life with her husband Eddie, a former FWF executive and current president of WAR in Japan! It looks like they might get their share of trouble from the duo of Scott Allen and Python if things pan out!"
T.R.: "Well, we don't have to worry about Scott Allen for the rest of the night, because he wil be spending it in the holding tank here on the S.S. Oceanic! Fans, we'll be back after this on Fox Sports America!"
(CUT-TO: Daisy, still wet from her last fall into the pool, is once again standing by it, staring at some kids frollicking in the water. She is sipping on yet another large cocktail, and her hair is slicked back against her head and her dress stuck to her body in places. From the opposite direction as last time comes Asylum, wearing a Captain's outfit, walks by and once again shoves her into the pool, and the cocktail mixes in with the chlorinated water. Daisy fumes as she gets to the surface, frowning at Asylum as he keeps walking as if nothing happened. She pulls herself out of the water with her emptied cocktail glass in hand. Fade to commercial.)
(Fade back from commercial. Wilson Hazard is walking around the deck, walking by wrestlers and fans and saying hi. He strolls all the way to the end of the deck, and he sees something in the shadows. He walks over to check it out and he finds Golem, laying quietly on his back, reading a book in complete darkness. Hazard walks up to him and he lays the book down and slouches against a wall. He sighs and glances up at Hazard)
WILSON HAZARD: "Perhaps you should excuse my asking, but what exactly are you doing in the shadows when there is fun just waiting for you?"
GOLEM: "Leave it to an ignorant man to ask an ignorant question. A wrestler such as Golem who's abilities transcend all others, doesn't see it necessary to, as so blandly put it, have "fun" with the filthy who inhabit this ship."
W.H.: "Alright....anyways, you must be happy to be up for two awards on the slate tonight, 'Most Unorthodox Wrestler' and 'Most Hated Wrestler'."
GOLEM: "For everything Golem has chipped into this league, being around since the beginning, he was always one of the most technically sound wrestlers anyone will ever have to step into the ring with. And yet this is the second time Golem finds himself up for this award. Pathetic ignorance on the part of those watching Golem from their home is what I attribute it to. And "Most Hated Wrestler"? I'm happy to say that the feeling could not be any more mutual. I am sick of lowly no-talents getting all the respect while true performers such as Golem get snubbed from 'Best Wrestler'."
W.H.: "I'm sure you were in the running for that award, it's just that the FWF has so much talent that they couldn't have 40 people up for the award. Indeed, I believe they selected some of the finest talent available to fill the role."
GOLEM: "(Sneers) And those were the 5 they came up with? I wonder about that. Now, (picks up his book) if you don't mind, Wilson, you're blocking my darkness."
Wilson: "(starts to say something, but then decides not to.) Thanks for your time..."
(CUT-TO: The New Breed has no room left on their tables, as it is completely filled with bottles and glasses. The three wrestlers have loosened their suits up and look rather dishoveled, and Miss Thang somehow wedged herself into a red leather tube dress. Kevin Kearns and Black Sage are laughing their asses off as Macmillan does a jello shot off Miss Thang's cleavage, and the other girls at the table giggle at the site, wishing they were in Thang's position. Jean Rabesque walks by on his way back from the bathroom and just shakes his head at the whole situation. Black Sage yells at Rabesque, asking him what he's looking at. Rabesque fires back with a "Grow up" and Sage is up as Macmillan and Kearns continue laughing. Nevada Smith walks over and stares a hole through Black Sage, and Stone Wolf can be seen by the bar just shaking his head. Cooler heads prevail as Nevada and Rabesque walk away.
CUT-TO: Tony Ross at the podium)
TONY ROSS: "OK fans, we are back here at the FWF Awards Show Cruise, and I for one cannot wait to get to Nassau! That was a great steak dinner we had, and now, let's keep the show rolling, with our next presenter, Black Sage!"
(CUE-UP: "Warsaw" by Joy Division. Black Sage, slightly disgruntled from his encounter with Jean Rabesque, walks to the stage, looking red-eyed and slightly inebriated)
BLACK SAGE: "OK, I'm up here to present the award for the Most Hated Wrestler of the Year in the FWF. Now, in a perfect world, idiots like Jean Rabesque and Nevada Smith would be nominated for this category too, but for some reason they remain popular. But there are more than enough morons nominated in this category to make me somewhat happy that fans know who sucks and who doesn't. So, without further delay because I have a lot of drinking to do....the winner is.....(opens envelope)..hey, its the hiply mispelled "Ikon" Abel Wicks! I haven't even seen the king of the alternative nation here!"
(Sage puts his hand over his eyes and scans the crowd, but Wicks is nowhere to be found. Minion and Draven are shown shrugging at their table sitting by themselves, but a camera catches movement from the right. It's none other than Bueno Excellente, Wicks' lackey and Mexican gigalo luchador.)
V/O: "Abel Wicks is unable to attend tonight's awards show due to his presence on his own Ikon Cruise for the Ikon Awards."
(Excellente wheezes as he gets up on stage, obviously full of tequila. He takes the plaque from a wide-eyed Sage)
BUENO EXCELLENTE: "..........Don't drink da wata."
(Excellente leaves the podium as the camera pans over and Malec and LeBron are again red-faced and shaking their heads.
CUT-TO: The announcers)
TONY ROSS: "Looks like we have another no-show! Wicks is supposedly staging his own cruise, and I bet he's the only one on the ship!"
JAKE SHADES: "Are you kidding me, Ross! That man definitely deserves his own cruise and awards show, because the FWF is not worthy to have such greatness on this wreck of a hull! Wicker, I salute you! (raises his beer)"
VICTOR ALVAREZ: "At any rate, Abel Wicks definitely deserves Most Hated Wrestler of the Year. Everywhere we go, Wicks is always the number one target of the fans ire, and for good reason! The man thinks he exists in a different dimension than everyone else!"
J.S.: "You would be the same way if you had talent like that Vicky! Who needs another one! My treat!"
T.R.: "The drinks are free, you numbskull!"
J.S.: "And this will be the only time I ever get any for you!"
T.R.: "Fans, we'll be back after this commercial!"
(The camera pans around the crowd showing many fans and wrestlers, including Ricky "The Tank" O'Neill, Hacker, Hardcore with Sadie Jackson, and Bad Company seems to be engaged in a shot contest with one another in their Western style suits. Fade to commercial)
(Fade back from commercial. Daisy is sitting in a lawn chair wrapped in a towel, sipping on yet another large cocktail, with even more umbrellas and fruit piled on. She apparently still has her dress on and is almost shivering as the sea breeze blows on her. Asylum, still decked out in a Captain's suit and carrying a shuffleboard pole, walks by and kicks the bottom of her chair, sending her flying right back into the pool, chair, cocktail and all. Asylum walks on as if he didn't do a damn thing.
CUT-TO: Tony Ross at the podium.)
TONY ROSS: "Moving right along folks, I can see many of our wrestlers here at the cruise enjoying themselves, talking, laughing, drinking, and having a great time! It's nice that we can all gather peacefully and have fun as one unit!"
(Darren Macmillan yells out "Get to the next award!!" as the New Breed and Miss Thang bust up laughing as well as the various other women at the table)
T.R.: "Ahem...let me introduce our next presenter.....Minion!"
(CUE-UP: "Where Boys Fear to Tread" by the Smashing Pumpkins. Minion makes his way to the stage to mostly boos, wearing a very strange black suit with no tie.)
MINION: "It seems that the FWF is trying to punish me by presenting this award for FWF Most Popular Wrestler, because I hate the fans with a burning passion, because they glorify false heroes like Jean Rabesque, Nevada Smith, and Stone Wolf, while ignoring true talent like myself. No matter, I won't rock the boat, and I will make this as painless as possible. The winner of the Most Popular Wrestler of the Year and most likely to make me vomit....(opens envelope)....JEAN RABESQUE!"
(CUE-UP: "Shapes of Things" by the Jeff Healy Band. Rabesque peels himself away from the bar as Nevada Smith pats him on the back. The fans are cheering but some booing can be heard from the heel contingents. Rabesque gets to the podium and Minion calmly hands him the plaque, yawns and leaves the stage)
JEAN RABESQUE: "You know, this is a pretty big honor. I've gone through a lot. Hell, my career almost ended six months ago. I've gotten all these wrestlers telling me, I'm washed up, telling me I don't have it anymore, telling me I'm not over. Well, hopefully, this will shut them up. I want to thank everyone that voted for me, and all the fans that make the FWF so great. Hopefully, I can keep on kicking ass in 2000. Thanks!"
(Rabesque leaves the stage to the cheers and applause.
CUT-TO: The announcers table. Shades has his head under the table mocking throwing up.)
TONY ROSS: "Come on, Shades, you didn't have that much to drink!"
JAKE SHADES: "It's not the alcohol you cretin, it's that stain Rabesque! How in the world can he win Most Popular Wrestler of the Year when guys like Minion and Abel Wicks have twice as much talent! Why are FWF fans so stupid!?"
VICTOR ALVAREZ: "Jean Rabesque gives the fans what they want, Shades, 110% effort and the will to win, and he never has to cheat!"
J.S.: "What about when he constantly has that brainless biker Nevada Smith helping him!? That's not cheating!?"
T.R.: "Shades, you are delusional!"
(The camera switches to Otis "the Periscope" Sawyer's unit, as he snuck up behind Malec, LeBron, and Dread seated on stage, as they are conferring about something. Their voices can be heard)
SCOTT MALEC: "OK, so we announce it at the Pay-Per-View....have we decided on how many wrestlers will be in it?"
JOE LEBRON: "I believe the figure we came up with earlier is fine. Then we'll work the brackets down from that, ending with a....Hey! Otis, what are you doing? You know better than that!"
(LeBron covers the camera with his hand as it fades to commercial)
(Fade back from commercial, and it looks like Sawyer made his way somewhere else, this time focusing on Asylum walking past the pool again. This time, Daisy is nowhere to be found and Asylum doesn't seem to notice as he puffs on a pipe in his Captian's suit, looking like the Gorton's Sea Food representative. From out of nowhere jumps Daisy, clad in a one-piece bathing suit, and she tackles Asylum and he goes flying into the pool! Daisy laighs uncontrollably at the site of Asylum flopping around in the pool trying to find his pipe. Asylum yells out several expletives.
CUT-TO: Tony Ross at the podium.)
TONY ROSS: "Well fans, we've already seen Jean Rabesque win Most Popular Wrestler, Abel Wicks has taken Most Hated, Ricky Kabe has taken Most Improved, Suicide King has won Most Extreme and Jobber has taken Most Unorthodox! To present our next award, I give you Beau Michaels!"
(CUE-UP: "I'm Too Sexy" by Right Said Fred. Beau Michaels gets up from his table full of Cabana Boys in G-strings and struts to the ring, staring at the assembled wrestlers along the way. He blows out a kiss to nobody in general)
BEAU MICHAELS: "What an HONOR it is to present this next award for FWF....ROOKIE...of the Year! I just...
(CUE-UP: "Counterfeiter" by Limp Biskit. Kabe again laughs arrogantly and struts to the stage, mocking some wrestlers on the way, including Michael Kerrigan, who does not take too kindly to it. Kabe jumps up on the stage and backs off as Michaels tries to hug him. Kabe orders Michaels to put the plaque on the podium, and Michaels complies, enjoying being ordered what to do. Michaels gets on his knees and asks if there is anything else Kabe would like him to do, and Kabe uses his boot to shove Michaels away. Michaels blows Kabe a kiss and leaves the stage illiciting hoots, hollers and cat calls.)
RICKY KABE: "Get that flamer away from me!! (sarcastically) Surprise, surprise...Ricky Kabe wins Rookie of the Year! My God...did any of you have a doubt? I mean, c'mon, I didn't even have any competition. Hell, I can't seem to remember who I was up against in the first place! Oh, well, not like it matters anyway. Just remember this, to all the people who voted for me, you can Kiss MY A$$! And to all the people who didn't, you can GO TO HELL! (Kabe turns around to walk off the stage, but, pauses and adds one more thing)...and Kiss MY A$$!"
(Kabe flashes a smile at the camera and then turns and leaves the stage to a chorus of boos.
CUT-TO: The announcers table)
TONY ROSS: "Kabe just gets more and more cocky and arrogant as the weeks go by! The man just lost his bid to regain the Frontier Title, and it looks like he's gained even more confidence! Unbelievable!"
JAKE SHADES: "You know why he's so confident now? Because he knows that the National Title is next on his agenda, he doesn't have the lowly Frontier Title holding him back! Nevada had better have eyes in the back of his head!"
VICTOR ALVAREZ: "Well, Kabe has won a tandem award to complement each other here at the FWF Awards Cruise! Ricky Kabe is Rookie of the Year and Most Improved Wrestler, and that is quite a lot to have on your resume! The National Title may be next on Kabe's agenda!"
(The camera focuses in on Billy Matthews again, just sitting and staring at the proceedings by himself, as the bar area gets even more raucous as Nevada Smith and Jean Rabesque continue to drink heavily. Fade to Commercial)
(Fade back from commercial. The large bar is packed with people around it. Many fans and members of the wrestlers' families as well as the wrestlers themselves are trying to get drinks. Nevada Smith and Jean Rabesque have the central spot at the bar, as the liquor continues to mount in front of them. Off to the side, we can see Rusti Spears and Miss Thang jockeying for position at the side of the bar, with Rusti Spears in a spandex halter dress and Miss Thang in her painted on red tube dress. Cleavage is bouncing as both girls try to get the bartender's attention)
RUSTI SPEARS: "You better back off bitch, I was here first! You take your plastic boobs and go wait in line with everyone else!"
MISS THANG: "Screw off, whore, I'll get a drink when I want to get a drink, and you call my boobs fake? These are real honeybunch, unlike those two silicon bags you have hanging off your chest!"
(Rusti Spears fumes and grabs a glass of water and throws it in Miss Thang's face. Thang slaps her and a catfight ensues. Everyone is yelling and screaming as Kevin Kearns comes and tries to pull Miss Thang off of Spears. Maxwell Houz is on the scene and he grabs Spears and pulls her out of the pile and throws her on his right shoulder as she kicks and screams)
KEVIN KEARNS: "Hey Houz, control your slut! Two drink minimum next time, OK?"
(Houz simply flips Kearns off as he carries Spears away.
CUT-TO: Tony Ross at the podium)
TONY ROSS: "Fans, we are back here on the S.S. Oceanic, and it is with my great pleasure that I announce our next presenter, one of the owners of the FWF, Scott Malec!"
(Malec gets up from the table next to the podium and shakes Ross' hand)
SCOTT MALEC: "The next award is for FWF Match of the Year, and this was one of the tougher categories to vote in, because each match was great in its own right. If it was up to me, all the matches would have won, but we have to have a winner. So the fans have spoken, and they picked their favorite. So let's see what is Match of the Year....(open envelope)...oh my....The FWF Match of the Year is, the 4 Way Extreme Match for the Extreme Ring at the MCI Center in Washington, D.C.! Featuring Asylum, Suicide King, JT Holiday, and "Pain Event" Scott Allen! Can I have the winner of that match please come up here, Asylum!"
(CUE-UP: "Hands of Death" by Rob Zombie and Alice Cooper. Asylum gets up from a table in which he was sitting at with some of his fellow inmates. Daisy is nowhere to be seen. Asylum is still in his wet Captain's suit, and some laughs are heard among the boos. Asylum grabs the plaque from Malec)
ASYLUM: "All of you peons out there, Daisy, all of you wrestlers...know this. This is just a minor step, along with this Extreme Ring, to my conquest of the FWF, and finally the world! Many of you think I'm a pretender to the throne and a raving maniac. Well, you couldn't be more wrong, and that foolish assumption will blow up in your faces! Yes, I destroyed Scott Allen, JT Holiday, and Suicide King in that match, it was mere child's play, and you people voted it Match of the Year! Fools! This is just a mere taste of what is ahead for Asylum! Fear me!!"
(Asylum leaves the podium to laughter as he shoots dirty looks at the people snickering at him.
CUT-TO: The announcer's table. Shades is staring at the punch bowl table again)
TONY ROSS: "How much did Asylum have to drink tonight!? He's even more delusional than usual!"
VICTOR ALVAREZ: "Asylum wants to conquer the world, Tony, and he's starting with the FWF! We'll see how far he gets in his mad plan for domination! It looks like Daisy already one-upped him!"
T.R.: "I hope Asylum didn't do anything nasty to that poor girl! Anyways, Shades, again, what is your problem?"
(Shades is almost sweating as he sees the Masked Blazer wincing at how bitter the punch is. Shades looks like he wants to run and hide.)
JAKE SHADES: "I'm just making sure we don't need any refills! I think I'm gonna get another beer, keep an eye on it, OK!?"
(Shades rushes to the bar. Otis Sawyer is on the case as he follows behind Shades, who rudely pushes past tables and chairs, bumping various fans. He bumps a very beautiful young lady in the back of the head and just keeps moving. Somebody stands up and yells at Shades. It is Conflict.)
CONFLICT: "Hey a$$hole! Watch where you're going or I'm gonna rip your head off next time, you dig!?"
J.S.: "Oh shut up, you big mouth punk, you don't scare me! Go back to your cell phone and your drug deals before I call the Coast Guard, you wannabe pimp!"
(With that, Conflict is up and he grabs Shades by the back of the head and rams his face full force into the table, rocking the drinks and silverware, spilling a few bottles. Shades is out like a light as security comes to collect him. Fade to commercial.)
(Fade back from commercial. Otis Sawyer has followed Jake Shades to the infirmary, where bandages are being administered to his head.
CUT-TO: Tony Ross at the podium)
TONY ROSS: "Well, looks like Shades got another good dose of what was coming to him! Fans, we're getting close to the big award here, so without further ado, to present our next award, National Champlon Nevada Smith!"
(CUE-UP: "The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly" by Ennio Marricone. Raucous cheering is heard as Nevada extricates himself away from the bar and all the fans, making his way to the stage. He is obviously half-tanked, because he is smiling, something he rarely does. Nevada takes the podium)
NEVADA SMITH: "I guess it's real couth to have the National Champ present at least one award, and it's kind of a pain in the ass because I was having some fun over there! But I guess duty calls, and you gotta do what ya gotta do, so consider this a favor Malec, and I WILL collect! Anyways, I'm presentin' the award for Tag Team of the Year, so let me get right to it. The winners are....(opens envelope) oh gee whiz...the New Breed!"
(CUE-UP: "New Breed" by Fear Factory. Kevin Kearns and Darren Macmillan, who are in a stage of drunken stupor themselves, come to the stage hooting and hollering and laughing, as Miss Thang bounces along behind them, no worse for wear from her encounter with Rusti Spears. Kearns and Macmillan stare at Nevada with cocky smirks on their faces, and Nevada tosses the plaque to Kearns and walks off the stage and right back to the bar)
Darren McMillan: So of course we won the Tag Team of the Year... big freakin' surprise there... who else would have won it?? THE CAT PACK?! (DMC and KK get a good chuckle from that) But seriously... me and Kev walked into this fed, they took one look at us, they gave us the titles. It was that simple. They knew it when they saw it. The New Breed is the FUTURE of wrestling. Without the New Breed there IS NO tag team wrestling in the FWF! WE know it, the FWF knows it, and OBVIOUSLY YOU know it... so why do we need some f(FCC)cking plaque to prove it? The answer is... (Kearns does a mock drum roll on the podium) ...we don't!"
(McMillan winds up and throws the plaque hard. it flies from his hand, through the air, over the wrestler's heads, over the ship's railing, and into the ocean.)
D.M.: "Thank you and good night!"
(The New Breed and Miss Thang walk back to their table as Malec is standing up and yelling at them, with LeBron trying to calm him down.
CUT-TO: The announcers table.)
TONY ROSS: "You know Vic, I don't know if the New Breed will save wrestling or destroy it! I admire them for their noble cause to bring true traditional wrestling back, but it's disrespectful stunts like this that tarnish that image!"
VICTOR ALVAREZ: "It's just the rebel image the New Breed is trying to keep up! Obviously, the alcohol contributed to it. Anyways, there is no doubt they are tag team of the year, they've had a stranglehold on the belts, but they have a tough challenge ahead in that 3-Way Match at the Pay-Per-View!"
T.R.: "We'll see if they can prove themselves in that battle! Fans, we have to take a break, and we will return with the Main Event of the FWF Awards Show Cruise on Fox Sports America!"
(The camera pans all around the tables of the banquet area and the back towards the bar as everyone seems to be enjoying themselves immensely in the ocean night with the exception of a few sulking wrestlers. The camera then zooms in on the bar area, and Alister Hayze can be seen talking sternly to Jean Rabesque, while Nevada Smith keeps a stern eye on Hayze. The conversation is animated, but not close to escalating to fisticuffs. Hayze is obviously upset over not being included on Rabesque's Wargames team after offering his services. Hayze throws his hands in the air and walks away from the bar. Fade to Commercial)
(Fade back from commercial. The Cat Pack, who was seated two tables over from the New Breed, is now engaged in a shouting match with them as they all stand at their respective tables. Apparently the Cats did not take too kindly to the remarks of Darren Macmillan. Security is over and they tell the two teams to knock it off and sit down, and Kearns laughs at them and downs a beer. Miss Thang is about to fall off her chair she is so thorougly sloshed.
CUT-TO: Tony Ross at the podium.)
TONY ROSS: "OK, FWF fans, we've reached the moment we've all been waiting for, the FWF Wrestler of the Year Award! This award will prove who the man truly was in the FWF in 1999, and it could also be an idea of what is to come in the FWF in 2000! The man who wins this award is truly the cream of the wrestling crop, as the FWF has proven itself to be the number one organization in the world! The winner of this award can tell everyone else that he is the standard by which all other wrestlers must be measured! OK, enough suspense, I will present the FWF Wrestler of the Year for 1999! And the winner is...(opens envelope) FWF National Champion NEVADA SMITH!!"
(The deck cheers wildly as Nevada's name is announced. Loud applause follows as Nevada gets up from his bar stool and shakes hands with Jean Rabesque, Kraven, Flatliner, and Czar. Nevada turns toward the stage and Stone Wolf stands in his way. The two men stare at each other and Stone Wolf carefully extends his hand, and Nevada warily takes it, The trust is still not there as Nevada walks to the stage and takes the plaque from Ross.)
NEVADA SMITH: "Words of kindness are not in my vocabulary, so don't expect any, I am however honored to have been chosen as the FWF's Wrestler of the Year! We sure have come a long and hard way FWF, some of us have reached our goals while others are still on its path! Me? I'm still at its crossroads, and what awaits at the end of the road no one really knows. What we do know is that we all want to be on the top of the food chain and as I look down, at the faces of enemy and friend alike I see that hunger in each of your eyes! But for tonight we have put aside all our differences, to enjoy the fruits of our labors! But just only for tonight! Cause come tomorrow, it's back to business as usual."
(He looks down at Malec and LeBron who are sitting along with Lord Dread and smirks)
N.S.: "Malec, it's been a long rocky road on which we have journeyed, slowly we began to meet in the middle and mended fences torn apart by our ideals! We have learned to co-exist with one another. LeBron, (His smirk turns devious) Is that moron that claimed you to be my uncle here tonight? (Laughs) When I heard that, me and the guys burst out laughing at the ridiculous assumptions peons will make! Can ya imagine that LeBron? You and I related? I can't even begin to fathom that one, what ya think, one too many blows to his head? Well anyway LeBron, we may not be related by blood but I kinda like ya, hell ya sign my check every pay period! And as for the old man sitting next to ya, Dread, what can I say that I haven't already! I am not gonna go on rambling on so I am gonna just say thanks! (Waves award in air) But beware for the serpent has awakened!"
(Nevada leaves the stage to the cheers, looking at his plaque with pride in his hard work to earn it.
CUT-TO: The Announcers Table)
TONY ROSS: "Well, it looks like we're going to finish the show without Jake Shades, a blessing in disguise given to us by Conflict! I don't think there was any doubt that Nevada Smith was going to be Wrestler of the Year! It was only a matter of time before he won the National Title, which he procured from Billy Matthews, and has had a steel-like grip on since!"
VICTOR ALVAREZ: "I agree with the fans on this one, Tony! Nevada definitely was the man in the FWF in 1999, but who knows what will happen in 2000! Can Stone Wolf dominate the FWF, or will Nevada continue his reign? What about guys like Black Sage, Abel Wicks, Asylum, Jean Rabesque, Billy Matthews or Ricky Kabe? All of those men are capable of leading an organization, and we will see who steps up and takes Nevada off the top of the mountain!"
T.R.: "Fans, that is all the time we have for the FWF Awards Show Cruise! We will be docking tomorrow morning in Nassau for fun in the sun and other assorted activities, on this united FWF vacation! But when we get back, it's on to Boston and the Fleet Center for Total Conquest 2000 and the Wargames: The Match Beyond! What an event that is going to be, so be sure and order it as soon as possible, because all the big stars are going to be there! So for Victor Alvarez and Jake Shades, this is Tony Ross signing off from the S.S. Oceanic in the Carribean Sea!"
(CUE-UP: "Simply the Best" by Tina Turner. The credits roll as several fans and wrestlers are shown milling about the tables and the bar. Several close-ups of wrestlers talking and commiserating include Nevada Smith, Jean Rabesque, JD Badluck, The New Breed, The Masked Blazer, Hacker, Joe Massacre, Jared Justice, Mike "The Dealer" Lewis and the Odd Couple. The final shot is the moon above the Carribbean illuminating the dark sea off the edge of the railing. Fadeout)
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