Thoughts on the Inner Bagel of a Furby


	Crono hopped out of the Epoch's cockpit, stretching his legs and taking in the damp
morning air.  Lucca followed him, landing with a thud.  She regained her balance and adjusted
her glasses.  "1000 AD.  Home at last!"
	Robo leapt off the time machine, landing with an even mightier thud.  "I detect
imminent atmospheric disturbances, based on the humidity levels, barometric pressure, the
strength of high energy particles in the ionosphere, the pigment of airborne collectives of
hydrogen dioxide molecules in a gaseous state, and the dissected Furby lying helplessly, on
the grass by the Epoch, its simple, plastic eyes staring longingly up at those who pass,
penetrating to the very core of their souls, screaming, pleading, 'Why, oh why, cruel world? 
What did I, a harmless, loving plaything, do to deserve this unbearable torture on my weak,
battery powered inner flower?!'"
	Crono and Lucca looked blankly at the golden robot.  "It's going to rain like hell," he
said more simply.
	Lucca looked heavenward.  "Those dark clouds look threatening.  Porre isn't far.  We
could head for the inn there."  Crono nodded his agreement and expressed his desire for a
strawberry banana pecan bagel.  "Those are your favorite, aren't they.  I'm sure we can find
some at the inn."  Crono smiled in delight.
	Robo engaged the wheels in his feet and scooped his companions into his metal arms.  "I
will provide the facilities of my design in the relocation of my own composite alloy frame
and the organic structures I call my 'friends', pathetic beings run by a complex neural
system, whose disillusioned race believes itself to be governed by a greater, unknowable
force, making them superior to all things unlike them, be it a simple mushroom, the noble
swallow, the hairy gorilla, the horny toad, the..."
	Crono smacked Robo on the head.  "WILL YOU CUT THAT SHIT OUT, ROBO!!" Lucca screamed.
	Robo allowed himself some non harmonious thoughts about his passengers, and proceeded
to roll them straight into a ditch.  He detected muffled noises coming from below him. 
Normally, he would have used his sound recognition systems to determine what the source was. 
However, for an unknown reason, they refused to start.  Robo attempted starting them again,
to no avail.  Perhaps if he shutdown and performed a full restart?  Then they came on, and he 
knew his guess was right and it was Crono and Lucca squirming below him.
	Robo stood up.  "I apologize for the sudden stop."  Crono and Lucca lay on the ground,
gasping for air.
	Crono spouted a long string of common and original slang terms and suggested that they
simply walk.  "Crono has a good idea," Lucca said.  "It's not far, and we'll get there before
the rain starts."  With a dramatic crack of thunder as the only warning, the bottom fell out. 
"Or maybe not.  Could you help us out of the ditch, Robo?"
	The droid was still sore about not being able to speak in his own strange,
yet...beautiful combination of meaningless techno nonsense and overly emotional banter,
designed to explain the situation in great scientific detail, and brighten it with a healthy
tale of the evils of mankind and their love for self inflected pain to their hypothesized
souls.  He grabbed them roughly by their necks and hurled them in the general direction of
Porre.  He plodded along the dirt path, stopping to smell flowers and mingle with the simple
beings of nature, holding long conversations in which he got to know the very essence of
their selves.
	He eventually reached Porre, just in time to see the disshelved pile near the town
entrance return to consciousness.  Crono decided to make no comment.  Lucca just gave Robo
the evil eye.  "Let's go to the inn.  I need some rest."  Crono reminded her of his current
craving.  "And we'll get your bagel."
	The inn was a pleasant establishment, free of greasy brigands and other dregs of
society.  Crono immediately sat down at the bar, a look of childish excitement on his face. 
Lucca sat down beside him.  "My friend wants a strawberry banana pecan bagel."
	The bartender went back to the kitchen.  He didn't return.  Crono began to shift
nervously.  "I'm sure he'll be back in a second," Robo reassured.
	The bartender returned, empty handed.  "I'm sorry.  We're fresh out."
	Crono's face slowly turned into a heartbreaking, pitiful sad puppy face that could bend
the will of the coldest of men.  The bartender was unfazed.  Crono said he was a truly evil
being of darkness.  "Yeah, well you're no angel."
	"Are you sure?" Lucca asked.  "He really, really wants one.  There isn't any way you
could procure one soon?"  Lucca leaned forward, toward the bartender, giving him the cutest,
most seductive look she could manage.
	"Nope," he said.
	Lucca cursed under her breath.  "Come on, Crono.  We'll try the Snail Stop."
	They left and crossed the street to the other eating establishment.  Robo stopped to
serenade a cross eyed, tail less, two legged squirrel, so they left him.  The Snail Stop was,
like the inn and everything else in Chrono Trigger, appropriate for younger audiences and
rated E by the ESRB.  Crono and Lucca walked up to the counter.
	"Please, mister," Lucca said, taking the cute approach from the start, "My friend here
is just craving a strawberry banana pecan bagel, and it'd just make my day if you could give
him one."
	The man checked around, not finding anything.  "I'm afraid we're fresh out.  Could I
interest you in some fresh jerky?"  He held up the fake meat products he had become famous
for.
	"I JUST WANT A GOD DAMN STRAWBERRY BANANA PECAN BAGEL!! IS THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK OF THIS
WICKED, SADISTIC WORLD!?"
	Everyone froze.  A great evil had been wrought this day.  All eyes fell on Crono, the
silent hero of the world, always treated like a dog by his best friends, never demanding
anything, always willing to do what everybody else wanted to do.
	Lucca gazed coldly at the man behind the counter.  "Look at this.  He just wanted a
strawberry banana pecan bagel.  Look at this!  Crono has spoken.  You have so tormented him
that he broke his eternal silence.  LOOK AT THIS!!  HOW CAN YOU SLEEP AT NIGHT NOW?  ARE YOU
PROUD OF YOURSELF?!?"  The man cowered below the menacing eyes of his customer.
	Robo entered the building, wearing a robe over his polished exterior.  "Crono, Lucca! 
I've become an anti-Buddhist paragymnastic Protestant Mormon!"
	Lucca's jaw dropped.  "What the FUCK have you been drinking?"
	Crono expressed his desire to curl up in Lucca's underwear drawer and cry himself to
sleep.
	"Pervert!"  Lucca punched him, knocking him to the ground.  "Come on.  We'll find that
strawberry banana pecan bagel if it kills us."  She glanced at the robot standing nearby. 
"Just stay here, Robo."  She walked out, Crono following unsteadily.
	Lucca considered the situation.  Robo could not be relied on, and Crono was starting to
look pretty pathetic.  When all seemed lost, she saw a most unexpected person not far down
the road.  "Magus?"  She ran to catch up with him.  "How did you get here?"
	The pale mystic turned.  "Oh, hello.  I used the gate."
	"Oh yeah, I forgot about those.  Maybe you could help us?  Crono has a terrible craving
for a strawberry banana pecan bagel, but no one has any.  As you can see, he's pretty bad
off."  Crono was lying in the dirt, curled up in a ball, quietly sniffling.
	Magus looked off into space in an attempt to be dramatic.  "The legends speak of a 
strawberry banana pecan bagel stored deep within the heart of the mountains, accessible only
through perilous caves full of unsympathetic critters of abnormal size.  To seek it is
certain death."
	Lucca frowned.  "Are you serious?"
	"No.  I made that up on the spur of the moment.  How was it?  Did I get the dramatic
look right?  I need practice."
	Lucca just turned and walked away.  Crono crawled along behind her, his mind to addled
to enjoy the gentle motion of her rear.  They were almost outside of town when Lucca noticed
a small object by the road.  "Crono, look!"  It was a strawberry banana pecan bagel, lightly
coated with dirt, but otherwise intact.  Crono leapt at it, cradling its filthy form in his
arms as if it were a small child in need of love.  "I'm not sure you should eat that, Crono. 
It was in the dirt."
	Ignoring her warnings, Crono shoved the strawberry banana pecan bagel down his throat
and sighed with contentment.  Butterscotch pudding gushed from his ears and and six sparrows
flew out of his rear, but other than that, he was unharmed by the dirty strawberry banana
pecan bagel.
	"Well, now that you've eaten, can we get some rest?"
	Just then, Robo, still in a robe, can running up to them.  "Greetings 'friends'.  I
would like you to meet my religious teacher, Shroidjkevdlxdzjkdl."  He held up a roll of
toilet tissue.  "He has instructed me to meditate upon the proper pronunciation of his name."
	Lucca didn't comment.  This must be just one of those days.


                                                                                     Turambar
                                                                    1999 Dhampir Incorporated
                                             http://www.fortunecity.com/rivendell/hobbit/730/