Tada! Ok. There's Mutant Scouts, GenX vs Weird Al and The Story with No Plot. Ok so, we've established that I can write comidy. Be prepared. for.....

My Momma was a Mutie!

PS: This tale of twisted love affairs and messed up lives is dedicated to all my corrupt buddies out there in tv land and other friends o' mine!

Hey My Hentai Queen, See ya in the concerts from hell....The blinking Bow tie AHHHHHH! (lets play Brandy and Monica ^_^) Oh god...Skylar's dancing again...make it stop...please..make it stop...

Keldra...Uh....Yeah...Uh...Ludsoft! Now everytime I see Daffy Duck I think of Bab5. DAMN YOU! Pak'Ma'Ra RULE!! (I'm gonna be a naughty vampire god!)

Neo/Yams: Heeeeeerrrrrreeeee Mamonoooooo....... Nutrition break is a sacrifice I am willing to make for blood! Cute?! CUTE!!?? The Maxx rulz! Maxx vs. Tokima? Who would win? Mr. Gone 4 Ever!

Tora....Then there's Hera! Doing Spatula's Proud!! Terrance and Phillip over Kenny any day!

Oh...And to Creamed Corn, who was the first person to say that this was a cool Idea.

And to Artamis, Wherever the F*** you are!! I Will find you..and I will KEEEELLLL you!!!

*SIGH* This is also for Jayde,Domino and Whitefrost, Y'ain't aloud to read it yet, but when your old enough, this is for you too :)

My Momma was A Mutie! By~NeoPenance

Cue Jerry Springer theme music

Audiance: (Clapping) JER-RY!JER-RY!JER-RY!JER-RY!JER-RY!JER-RY!!!

Jerry : Ok. Hey, this is Jerry Springer, the rumors about mutants in socioty have grown and Mutant hate crimes are now rampant. Onslaught,Zero Tolerance,Magneto, All have dangeouse affects for the world. Are Mutants a boon? Or a bitch? Today we'el find out.

I'd like to introdouse my first guest. A Mr....Uh..Graydon Creed? is it?

Creed:HEYA JERRY! I want you to know that I watch your show every day! My favorite episode was when the hermaphrodite,lesbian and her son/husband moved to the arctic to stalk Santa Clause.

Jerry : Uh....That wasn't our show...That was Hard Copy.

Creed: ....oh.....

Jerry : You have a problem with mutants?

Creed: You bet your sweet *BEEP* I do Jerry! They are impossible to train, they wont go on the *BEEP*ing paper and they have the ability to blow up the world!

Jerry : Ah. but why do you feel this way?

Creed: I'll tell ya why! My Momma Is a Mutie!

Audiance: OHHHHhhhh....!

Jerry: Well, we have your mother backstage, let's bring her out. Mystique? C'Mon out!

Audiance:(Cheers) YEAHHHHHHHHYYYYYYYY!/BOOOOOOO!

Enter Mystique.

Mystique: Hello, Graydon.

Creed: Don't "Hello" Me you *beee*freak!

Jerry: Hey! Don't talk like that to your own mother!

Mystique.: It's alright Jerry, Graydon and I never had the mother/son relationship that most families do.

Creed: Yeah, No *beee*!

Jerry: You haven't seen Creed in a while, have you Mystique?

Mystique.: No. I abandond him because Gradon was a ...mistake....

Audiance: BOOOOOOOOOooooooo*Beee*Boooooo...!

Mystique.: I joined the brotherhood of Mutants and became a servent of Apocalypse, and killed countless humans. I've been busy.

Jerry: I should say so. And who took care of Creed durring this time? His father?

Mystique.: (laughing hystarically) HAHAHAHAHahahahahahahahhahaha hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah( Crying) ha...hehe...hahahahahahahahahahah .....(Sniff)..T-that's really funny Jerry!

Jerry:...uh...?

Mystique.: In truth,Jerry, Graydon's father is--...

Creed: STOP! Don't mention that abomination!

(hear a horrified scream Backstage and a crunch)

(Enter a pissed Sabertooth with blood on his claws)

Sabertooth: Yer th'*beee* "Abomination" kid!

Mystique. Sabertooth!?

Jerry: You mean...You....Him...That?...EEEEWWWWWWwwwwww!

Sabertooth: Sorry to give ya the creeps pint-size, but That(point's to creed) wasn't my fault.

Mystique.: Oh and I suppose it was mine?

Sabertooth: You were in charge of birth conltrol!

Mystique: It wasn't my fault I couldn't find any condoms big enough to--- uh...(blush)

(Sabertooth sits back, looking very smug)

Audiance: SABER-TOOTH!SABER-TOOTH!SABER-TOOTH!

Mystique.: Well....If you didn't get so plastered..!

Audiance: Ohhhh....!

Sabertooth: Me plastered?! I wasn't the one dancin' ontop o' pool tables an' givin' free lapdances!

Mystique.:(Blush brighter)

Audiance: MYST-IQUE! MYST-IQUE! MYST-IQUE!

Jerry: Next, we'll meet the other sibling in this rivalry.

(Commercial)

Announcer: Next time on Jerry...

Deadpool:(fireing an oozie in each hand)DIEDIEDIEDIEDIEDIEDIEDIEDIEDIEDIEDIEDIEDIE

DIEDIEDIEDIEDIEDIEDIEDIEDIEDIEDIEDIEDIEDIEDIEDIEDIEDIEIDIEDIEDIEDIEDEDIE!

Darkness: This guy outdoes us in the insanity area.

Spawn: (nodding) Oh,yeah.

Announcer: Jerry goes into the minds of Comics Best Hitmen

Darkness: Yeah...I got it all,Jerry....'Cept for Sex....Aw F*beee*!

(Spawn fighting the Darkness's little imp dudes)

Jerry: What drove you to do this?

Spawn: Love.

Darkness: Money.

Deadpool: My parents didn't love me enough when I was growing up...(pretending to cry)..I still have so many unanswered questions...

Announcer: I'm a comic book hitman. On the Next Jerry!

Cue Jerry Springer Music

Jerry: Ok,ok,ok....Now, Mystique, you clame that Creed was a mistake?

Mystique.: Yes.

Audiance:Booooooooo!

Sabertooth: Eh,SHUT UP!!

Audiance: ....

Jerry: Thank you. Creed was a mistake, what about Kurt?

Audiance: Ohhhhhh....!

Sabertooth: Kurt? Who the *beee* is Kurt? You Skank! You Spice Girl! You Skanky,skanky Spice Girl!

Mystique.: Phhh...(puts hand in Sabertooth's face)

Jerry: Here is Kurt!

Audiance: Yeahhhhhhhhhyyyyyyyyy....

(Enter Nightcrawler)

Creed rushes Nightcrawler. Steve(Jerry's bald head o' security dude) tackles Creed and Nightcrawler takes his seats.

Audiance: JER-RY!JER-RY!JER-RY!JER-RY!

Jerry: Hello Kurt.

Kurt: Guten Tag, Mr. Springer.

Mystique.: Kurt.

Kurt: Hello, Mother.

Audiance:(Shocked babble)

Jerry: This is your mother?

Kurt: Yes.

Jerry: How long have you known her?

Kurt: Not long. Mother, why did you abandon me all those years ago?

Mystique.: (sigh) I told you Kurt! I wanted to marry this old rich german count so I could get his money. Then I had you and they found out that I was a Mutant and I had to choose between you and me. So I dumped you over a waterfall.

Audiance: Ohhhhh...*Beee* Booo....

(Enter a pissed Rogue)

Rogue: Hey, Y'all don' know mah momma, so's just *beee* off, kay?

Audiance: Booooo....!

Rogue: Alright! Ya asked fer it!

Mystique.: Rogue, no.

Rogue: But--

Mystique.: Sit down!

(Rogue sits)

Jerry : And who are you?

Rogue: Ah'm Rogue, Mystique here, took me in when I was discovered ta be a mutant. She raised me.

Sabertooth: Heh,heh. Ya' forget ta' tell 'em that she turned ya into a criminal and that you killed someone!

Audiance: Ohhhhhh.........

Rogue: Go *beee* yo'self!

Sabertooth:( Rises) Oh,that does it, Girlie!

Steve tries to grab 'Tooth. Not a smart move, In a flash of violence and blood, Poor Steve is disembowled. the dimwitted audience boo's. Mystique grabs a gun and proceades to shoot variouse audience members to death. The audience, in retaliation, boo's louder.

Rogue: Momma! NO!

As a last resort, Rogue removes her gloves and flies to Mystique. Sabertooth knocks Rogue away and she plows into Jerry Springer, her bare hand touching his face, sapping the life out of him. Rogue,now with Mr. Springer's personality the prominate one, puts on his glasses and takes his cards and microphone. The carnage in the audiance continues.

Rogue: What have we learned today? Perhapes that Mutants are humans that, when given such power, are unable to cope with the responcibility and feel that the world should bow down to them. Mutants also seem to be normal people, trying to live normal lives. maybe you are a mutant and don't realize it. Untill next time, take care of yourself... and eachother.

THE END

Sorry..When I re-read the damn thing and added the commercial, I lol'd! I'm sorry if you don't like it, But I do and Comments and stuff are welcome [email protected]

21/12/98 10:55pm