Women And What They Mean (I AM AN IDIOT)

She said, She said... huh?
***CLOSED CAPTIONED FOR THE HUMOR IMPAIRED*** (COURTESY OF DAVE BARRY)
This is a little guide to help guys out.(WE NEED ALL THE HELP WE CAN GET). After intensive study and reseach (HE MADE IT UP) I have managed to puzzle out some of the mysteries behind women (HE'S LYING).

What Women "Say"                     Vs.                   What Women "Mean"
"You want" "You want"

"We need" "I want"

"It's your decision" "The correct decision should be obvious by now"

"Do what you want" "You'll pay for this later"

"We need to talk" "I need to complain"

"Sure... Go ahead..." "I don't want you to"

"I'm hungry" A) "Make me something to eat"
OR   B) "Stop what you are doing, scrape together your last 5$, and drive clear across town to get me something to eat. I don't care if what you are doing is important"

"I'm not upset" "Of course I'm upset, you moron!!!"

"You're so... manly" "You need to shave and you sweat alot."

"Be romantic. Turn out the lights" "I don't want you to see that I am faking it" - Creator Substitute ;-)

"The kitchen is so... inconvenient.." "I want a new house."

"The car is low on gas." "Go fill it up for me."

"The dog is barking." "Go outside in your underwear and see what is wrong."

"I want new curtains." "... and carpeting.... and furniture ....and wallpaper....."

"I need wedding shoes." "The other 40 pairs are the wrong shade of white"

"Hang the picture there.." "No, I mean hang it there!!"

"I heard a noise!" "I noticed you were almost asleep"

"Do you love me?" "I'm going to ask for something expensive."

"How much to you love me?' "I did something that you really aren't gonna like"

"I'll be ready in a minute." "Kick off your shoes and find a good game on TV."

"Is my butt fat?" "Tell me I'm beautiful."

"You have to learn to communicate." "Just agree with me."

"Yes" "No"

"No" "No"

"Maybe" "No"

"I'm sorry" "You'll be sorry"

"All we're going to buy is a soap dish" "It goes without saying that we're stopping at the cosmetics department...the shoe department... I need to look at a few new pocket books...OMIGOSH! there's a sale in lingerie...wouldn't these pink sheets look great in the bedroom?... did you bring your checkbook?"

In response to "What's wrong?"                What women "say"                       What women mean in reality.
"The same old thing" "Nothing."

"Nothing." "Everything."

"Everything." "My PMS is acting up."

"I don't wanna talk about it." "Go away, I'm still building steam."

"What makes you think something is wrong?" "I'm going to kill you."

Wanna get out of here?
                                What you say....                                                                            What you mean.....

"I want to go back to the other page" "I am offended by this page and I think the creator ought to be shot"

"You want"	"You want"
"We need"	"I want"
"It's your decision"	"The correct decision should be obvious by now"
"Do what you want"	"You'll pay for this later"
"We need to talk"	"I need to complain"
"Sure... Go ahead..."	"I don't want you to"
"I'm hungry"	A) "Make me something to eat" OR B) "Stop what you are doing, scrape together your last 5$, and drive clear across town to get me something to eat. I don't care if what you are doing is important"
"I'm not upset"	"Of course I'm upset, you moron!!!"
"You're so... manly"	"You need to shave and you sweat alot."
"Be romantic. Turn out the lights"	"I don't want you to see that I am faking it" - Creator Substitute ;-)
"The kitchen is so... inconvenient.."	"I want a new house."
"The car is low on gas."	"Go fill it up for me."
"The dog is barking."	"Go outside in your underwear and see what is wrong."
"I want new curtains."	"... and carpeting.... and furniture ....and wallpaper....."
"I need wedding shoes."	"The other 40 pairs are the wrong shade of white"
"Hang the picture there.."	*"No, I mean hang it there!!"*
"I heard a noise!"	"I noticed you were almost asleep"
"Do you love me?"	"I'm going to ask for something expensive."
"How much to you love me?'	"I did something that you really aren't gonna like"
"I'll be ready in a minute."	"Kick off your shoes and find a good game on TV."
"Is my butt fat?"	"Tell me I'm beautiful."
"You have to learn to communicate."	"Just agree with me."
"Yes"	"No"
"No"	"No"
"Maybe"	"No"
"I'm sorry"	"You'll be sorry"
"All we're going to buy is a soap dish"	"It goes without saying that we're stopping at the cosmetics department...the shoe department... I need to look at a few new pocket books...OMIGOSH! there's a sale in lingerie...wouldn't these pink sheets look great in the bedroom?... did you bring your checkbook?"

"The same old thing"	"Nothing."
"Nothing."	"Everything."
"Everything."	"My PMS is acting up."
"I don't wanna talk about it."	"Go away, I'm still building steam."
"What makes you think something is wrong?"	"I'm going to kill you."