Shin Kidousenki Gundam Wing Always Remember You - by Melissa Koh: safyre@jade-court.darkgod.net - - website: http://safyre.tsx.org - It's been a year since her death. And once again, I find myself at the cemetery, along with the thousands of other people who had loved and admired her strength and resilience. She was the only joy that existed in my bleak life, where blood and death surrounded me in abundance. Her fresh innocence and naïve belief of peace drew me to her. She made me want to believe in the goodness of the world. And she almost succeeded. But her death shattered everything. Shattered my hope, my dreams, my...life. I am alone once more. Perhaps I deserve it, for not telling her the truth of my feelings. I never told her that I loved her, despite the many opportunities that were presented to me. I never treasured those moments, blinding myself with the lie that I could always tell her some other time. But there is no other time. There was never one to speak of. That fateful day, she had asked me to go up to a colony with her. To discuss about the future of Earth and the space colonies, she had said smilingly. I simply awarded her one of my withering looks and left without another word, quite unaware of the downcast face I left behind me. I only found out about her disappointment from Lucrezia, who decided that I deserved to be punished by guilt. Still, she attended the peace conference, and according to most, it was pretty successful. She was mobbed by fanatics who revered and worshipped her every step, kissing the ground as though she was the goddess of love, Venus. Then it had to happen. The hotel she was residing in blew up. Someone had sabotaged it with a time bomb, hidden just beneath her suite. She had just returned from another exhausting day at the City Hall, making plans for the merging of the colonies and Earth. Unaware of the trap, she had just entered her suite when the timer struck zero. For a moment, time stopped. Then, everything was engulfed in flames. Including her. The terrorist was never found, despite the thorough investigation made by the government, made by the Gundam pilots. We never found anything, except for a note, warning the space colonies and Earth that the worst had yet to come. We waited in suspense for the entire year, hoping against hope that it was all a bluff. Unfortunately, it wasn't, as other important figures in the various governments were marked down for death. Lucrezia was exceptionally cruel, and I have the feeling that she enjoyed the perverse satisfaction of watching me suffer. I guess she has never forgiven me for abandoning Relena like that. What hit me the hardest was when she returned from the trip, the first thing she told me that when Relena was facing death in the face, she was crying out for me. She was crying out for the bastard who had ignored her, denied his love for her. "Gomen nasai." I look up, and see a young woman standing beside me, gazing at me with sad cobalt-blue eyes. As though she, too, has seen the darker side of life, the side Relena had tried to help me forget. But this woman...she brings back memories of the downside of life, just by staring into that pair of familiar blue eyes. "Gomen nasai." Why does she apologise to me when I don't even know her? I send her a withering look. "I'm sorry about her death." Why should she? She doesn't even know Relena except for her name and status. "That's where you're wrong, Heero-san. I do know Relena, only too well." How the hell does she know my thoughts? I gaze at her speculatively. She smiles bitterly, and says, "I mean no harm. It's just that I can see your pain, your hatred, though I do not know who it's directed at. Perhaps at yourself." A feral smile tugs at my lips as I reply in a caustic tone, "Why the hell should you care? You know absolutely nothing about me." "True, but Relena would be upset if she knew that you're killing yourself inside out. I can't say I agree with Lucrezia-san's methods." Her mouth curls a little in obvious disdain at the mention of her name. Me? Killing myself inside out? I don't think so. But this woman, whoever she is, she is obviously looking for death. I reach for the pistol that is always hidden, and stop as she places a hand on my lap, forestalling her death for the moment. She fixates me a cool gaze as I give her a killing look. In a soft voice, she whispers, "I don't think it would be particularly respectful to shoot me now, in the very ground where Relena Dorian is buried, don't you think?" That stops me for good. As much I hate to admit it, she is right. "We'll talk, outside," I growl, pulling her out of the cemetery, away from the maddening crowd. She obliges, almost as though she is humouring a child. Perhaps she is. .................. "Who are you?" I demand as soon as we are far enough. She simply smiles mysteriously and shakes her head. Running her fingers through her short, dark brown hair, she answers in an indecipherable tone, "I am no one. I am just a wanderer in this life, with no special purpose." I don't understand what she means by that statement. "But, you may call me Meredith to suit your purposes," she adds, after seeing my hand reaching for my revolver again. "Meredith what?" "Just Meredith." "Fine. What do you know of Relena? And why do you seem to get under my skin?" "That is just your imagination, Heero-san. I am but an innocent bystander, who happens to know Relena Dorian. Not the public figure, but the confused girl inside. "She loved you, but you seemed to reject her very presence, deny her existence in your life...don't look startled, Heero-san. That is the impression you give her." Did I? I don't know. Meredith continues in a more forceful tone, revealing facts about me that I don't even know exist. "She didn't know whether you truly loved her, but often preferred to think that you did. After all, you spent quite a bit of effort to rescue her from death's hands, didn't you?" She laughs at the stunned expression I have on my face. I haven't been expecting that from her. She is rather cynical, perhaps worse than me. I receive the feeling that praises from her is very rare, as in once in a blue moon. And I do mean blue. "I just want to confirm something with you, Heero-san. Not the killer, not the emotionless creep who almost broke Relena's heart, but the true Heero. The Heero you wanted to show Relena, the one who would have said that he loved her a long time ago." Her eyes met mine, seeming to see my soul for what I am. Then, in a low tone, she murmurs, "The hero of her heart...did you or did you not love her?" I am the first to turn away. What does she expect me to say? That I loved Relena? Of course I do. But it's too late. Relena is dead. She can no longer hear what I have to say. "What for? She's dead, six feet under. What I say isn't going to bring her back..." My voice cracks a little at the surge of emotions that seems to be teeming in me. "She is not dead, Heero-san. She still exists, in your heart, my heart, in the hearts of everyone who knew her. Her physical being is gone, that I can agree, but her soul exists. Her soul continues to watch over us, even you. Her beliefs are deeply embedded in our hearts. Through this, she can never be truly forgotten. She. Can. Never. Die." "What can I say then? That I love her? Yes, I loved her then, and I still do. But what has my love brought her? Nothing. Not even the happiness she richly deserves." Tears are falling, so fast and rapid that I can't stop them. Neither do I intend to. "If you had told her that before she died, she would have been the luckiest girl on Earth. "Your problem, Heero-san, is that you don't understand her. She doesn't care about your past, what you are, who you are. She only knows that you are the one she loves, and that she wants you to love her in turn. If you had told her that, no matter what happened, she would have been happy. "No wonder Lucrezia-san insists that you're a creep and a blockhead." She smiles secretively, as though she has just heard a great joke. Perhaps she has; for her only. I have just bared my soul to a complete stranger, one who can only claim to know Relena without hard-core evidence. But still, I trust her. Like me, she has seen life the hard way, and like me, she is rescued by Relena. In a way, we are connected. Meredith bows formally. "Sumimasen, Heero-san, for bothering you. I shall take my leave now... "And please remember Relena. She is immortalised through her war efforts. She is with each and everyone of those who knew her, even if they don't realise it consciously... "She is in our hearts, always... "And by the way, my name is not Meredith. It's a codename I use when I'm working. I'm Sumeragi Mitsuru." She turns and walks off into the horizons, slowly disappearing from my line of vision. I stare after her, considering her words. She is right. Relena has and will always exist. She will always be in my heart. Relena has never been dead. I am the one who has been denying her existence because I can't face up to reality. Sumimasen, Relena, for denying your existence... Thank you for helping me... Aishiteru, Relena. Eien no aishiteru... ........................................... Author's Notes: I did say that I didn't like Relena, didn't I? Like Duty, this piece was inspired by another one of my dreams...I seem to be dreaming a lot about the G-boys of the late...don't even want to think of the dream where Quartre became a bloody belly dancer...nice waistline though...oh dear, I think I'm beginning to catch the hentai virus...never thought that it was so...infectious... - End Fic -