Movie`s

Austin Powers: The Spy who Shagged me. / The Matrix.
Austin Powers 2 was alot funnier than it's
prodecessor, "International man of mystery". You'll be
arguing with friends about if the part when Dr. Evil went
on Jerry Springer or if it was wene Dr. Evil says, "why
make zillions wene we could make......, billions?"
"a zillion is more than a billion," quotes his son, Scott.
"Zip it,"
"But....,"
"ZZIIIPPPPP,"
It goes on and on, oh wait was it funnier when, eh. Just
about every scene can make you laugh hard enough to puke
on the chair or person next to you. Theres only one problem,
almost every joke is just from Myers '96 flick AP:International
Man of Mystery. This affects movies towards critics, BUT NOT
the fans, so I suggest seeing this first before any movie in
the summer. RATING: B+


Oh my friend just told me of a new movie that he says is
very confidential but the most hilarious movie he says ever seen,
It's titled South Park: Bigger, Longer and Uncut. Nothings bad
about it he told me, It's not for kids wene Saddam Hussien trys
to make a Manwhich with Satan. Or when Angels bare &^%$#!?
Or when Satan has a ^$#@^&, or when Bill Gates gets shot,
WHOOPS! I'm giving away to much aren't I? oh well. RATING: +A

THE MATRIX....

isn`t exactly a classic, but it`s good. It`s better than the fall down grossness of Blade. This movie is about robots that destroy our planet, and all the humans live in a computer world, known as the Matrix. Heh-heh-heh...., Lets go destroy the Matrix. WHEE! Neo is the leader guy who is suppose to control the matrix, and he must learn to break the laws of the matrixs gravity, speed, and all that stuff. The only REAL BIG Dissapointment is that almost the whol team is killed in the same twenty minutes. HAHAHAHA! DIE DIE DIE!!!!! WHEEE!!!! DIE PIGS!!!! Rating: B+.

Blade / Star Wars: Episode 1 / Mummy
Blade. I wanted Blade because my idiotic mentaly disordered friend loved it. My mentally disordered friend ended are friendship when he told me to ``BE NORMAL``. But I still rented Blade. Okay, even I must admit, being as contreversial as I am, Blades filthy. From the vampire chicks licking that guys croch, the vampires hand being blown off, exploding demons, and all that. It starts when this vampire chick brings in this stupid guy, and then he finds vampires all around, and blood splurting from the ceiling. Then Blade pops in and starts killing people. The vapires decintigrating was pretty neato, but I really haven`t been able to eat much after I saw Blade. This vampie leader guy kills his fellow leaders, and kills several of human world leaders (and uses some of blades blood) to become the ultimate vampire dude. In other words? Blade sucks. And it`s filthy too. So what are you waiting for? GO SEE AUSTIN POWERS 2 TODAY! Rating for Blade: D-

Star Wars. Some people have been waiting 16 years for Episode 1. Heck
I've not even been around 16 years and people have been
waiting longer than I have. And it came. I was able to see
Star Wars Episodes 4, 5, and 6 enhanced by Lucas's vision
complete. Then Episode 1 came, and I witnessed it a week
after it came out, before everyone else did. And then it
was not as good as I expected. The whole plot is based on
action, which George used to focus on originality. All the
characters in 3-D still have that rubbery look, and Jar-Jar
Binks is just annoying. This story was definitely pointing
at Kids, which also Lucas would usually point at all people.
Jar-Jar's accent also is a little offensive to Black people. So
I'm thinkin' George Lucas was possesed by 8 year old !$#*&$^
who think violence solves everything and only think of them
selves. RATING: B-


The Mummy is about this really old evil guy, and he`s fooling around with the kings wife, and then she kills herself. The evil magic dude tries to resurrect her, and the king`s guards find him first. They are buried alive, and hundreds of years later, a couple of people are looking for treasure, with a American group close behind. They both get there, and the gay Americans take some statuettes, which are a resource to how the priest, or the magic dude as I call him, will come back to life. His main plot is to ressurect the queen, and his power to release the plagues will certainly will be able to destroy our planet. Unfortunately, that`s just a reason to blow up mummys with shot guns, and to show off special effects. C+

Baby Genuis's ( I couldn't find a related pic. so heres weiners.) / The Haunting/ End of Days (Ah-nold)
God, we haven't got many talking baby series. Only two
memorable ones, Look Who`s Talking, the movie with the babies
that share opinions while all the adults act stupid to them.
It spun off a hilarious show that was on T.G.I.F. for a few
seasons. Then came the Rugrats. These aren't considered Look
Whos Talkin' rip-offs, because they're movie was funny at
times. And so we come to Baby Genius's. I could write a book
on how gay this is. I'm glad it bombed at the box office.
The only funny part is when the baby punches the big security
guard in the nuts. I laughed so hard, while everyone else in
the theatre just stared at me. Remember I said that you'd
be arguing which part is funny in Austin Powers 2? Well,
you'll be arguing which scene is gayer in Baby Genuis's.
The one when the baby puts clothes on from the dress store,
or when the baby's are kickin' adult a-hole`s! RATING: F-



This is about a woman who can`t sleep, and Liam Neeson calls her up and asks her to come on a test, to see how the sleeping of humans works. I know, this one is an excuse to scare you, just like how Mummy`s is an excuse to kill things. Anyway, theres a lesbian, a scientist, a stupid man, and an ancestor to someone who lived in the house theyr`e staying in. Scramble them and figure who`s who when you see the movie!!! It`s FUN!!!! I can`t give away more. You`ll get PO`ed. C+


End of Days

THIS RULES. This really makes up for those two Arnold movies that sucked. The one when he was running around looking for a toy named captain crapmoe or something for his kid, and another, Eraser, when Ah-nold runs around. Thats fun. Pfft. It`s about Jaleico or something, who has murdered millions, since he`s a SWAT. He finds a preist, who has discovered the Appocalypse. They find his lair, and get a clue on what to do. The movie twists and turns `till they find Christina York, an anti-christ, not farmiliar that she`s an anti-christ. It flings off from there, with grusemome brutalitys, Satan, and, of course, Ah-Nold action. THIS MOVIE RULES! WHAT ARE YOU DOING! LEAVE. PLAN FOR IT NOW! NOW~~~! BEFORE IT`S TO LATE.

Rating: A-.

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