Disclaimer: Fox Mulder, Dana Scully, the X-Files, and associated characters are property of David Duchovny, Gillian Anderson, Chris Carter, Ten-Thirteen Productions and Fox Broadcasting Corporation. They are used without permission and no copyright infringement is meant. Any elements not recognized as being taken from the show copyright Christina Shuy. Comments and other things sent to cshuy@netcom.com are much appreciated. "Man! I Feel Like A Woman!" belongs to Shania Twain who, despite everything, has made me laugh when she sang this song on VH1's "Divas" concert. Rating: PG due to part of the subject matter. Category: Story, Humour, Silliness. Slight MSR, but NoRoMo safe... sorta Spoilers: None Summary: Mulder has to do a job he alone fits a description for... *eg* Man! I Feel Like A Woman! by Christina Shuy cshuy@netcom.com "Mulder, are you really sure you're up to this?" Dana asked as they walked into his apartment carrying a load of shopping bags and some stuff they had been given by a friend. "Well, considering Skinner said the suspect wouldn't speak to anyone but a transvestite who is 6' tall, lanky, has hazel eyes and brown/black hair.... I'm not sure I have much choice, considering I'm the only one in the Washington office who exactly fits that description. At least, the only one who agreed to do this. Apparently everyone else thought they were too manly for that sort of thing. I think it might be fun." "Yes, well... I didn't know you were into this sort of thing." "Scully, there is a lot about me which would surprise you, I think..." Mulder winked at her and Dana Scully had to laugh. "Mulder, coming from you, I'm not the least bit surprised." she grinned. About an hour later... "So, Scully, how do I look?" asked a slightly lighter than normal, but very familiar voice. Dana Scully, who had been setting up the makeup on the livingroom table, looked up to see a six foot tall woman with black hair and eyes the colour Mulder's was standing in front of her. Her eyes widened at the person standing in front of her. She was familiar, but at the same time wasn't. She had dressed herself in a dark navy suit and aqua blouse. There were pantyhose over what looked like freshly shaved legs and matching shoes on her feet. However, the face totally gave it away as to who it really was. Even though there was just enough makeup applied to make to seem as though there were none there. "Mulder?" "YEah, Scully, it's me." he grinned at her, trying again for a slightly feminine voice with a hint of a British accent to it. "What took you so long?" Dana smiled, looking over her partner and straightening anything crooked or out of place, though it seems he got the breast enhancers right. "Now I know why most women gripe about shaving. I never realised I had that much hair!" Mulder snickered, back in his normal voice. "You look good, Mulder. I've got to admit... you do look good." Mulder gave her his best crooked smile, the one with teeth, and then sauntered over to the CD player, switched CDs and then pressed 'play'. The song which started made Scully's eyebrow climb her forehead. That is, before she started trying to supress the urge to giggle. Mulder had started swaying when the music began. "(Let's go girls) I'm going out tonight - I'm feeling alright Gonna let it all hang out Wanna make some noise - really raise my voice Yea, I wanna scream and shout" Mulder began to shake his hips, and do part of the moves to the macarena, though he then switched to the chorus-line style kick before switching back again. Dana Scully did the only thing she could in that situation. She started laughing. "No inhibitions - make no conditions Get a little outta line I ain't gonna act politically correct I only wanna have a good time The best thing about being a woman Is the prerogative to have a little fun and... Oh, oh, oh, go totally crazy - forget I'm a lady Men's shirts- short skirts Oh, oh, oh, really go wild - yea, doin' it in style Oh, oh, oh, get in the action - feel the attraction Color my hair - do what I dare Oh, oh, oh, I wanna be free - yea to feel the way I feel Man! I feel like a woman!" At the start of the last line in the chorus, Mulder struck a pose, almost as though doing the 'vogue' dance step which had been popular several years ago, at the 'Man!', and Scully, who was just getting her composure again, collapsed back into a fit of giggles. It was only then that she noticed the wig was so long that it hung down to her(his!) hips. "The girls need a break - tonight we're gonna take The chance to get out on the town We don't need romance - we only wanna dance We're gonna let our hair hang down" It was then that Mulder started swaying the long length of hair which was largely due to the wig, though not entirely. It was the dancing that was doing most of the swaying, but then he started doing it deliberately. "The best thing about being a woman Is the prerogative to have a little fun and... Oh, oh, oh, go totally crazy - forget I'm a lady Men's shirts- short skirts Oh, oh, oh, really go wild - yea, doin' it in style Oh, oh, oh, get in the action - feel the attraction Color my hair - do what I dare Oh, oh, oh, I wanna be free - yea to feel the way I feel Man! I feel like a woman!" The second time the line about 'men's shirts-short skirts' was mentioned, Mulder looked down and then tugged up the waistline and the hem of the skirt. "Not short enough." Mulder said, voice light, and a mischevious twinkle in the eye. Dana Scully's composure, which she had just gotten under control at that point, shattered again, and she started to laugh once more. "The best thing about being a woman Is the prerogative to have a little fun and... Oh, oh, oh, go totally crazy - forget I'm a lady Men's shirts- short skirts Oh, oh, oh, really go wild - yea, doin' it in style Oh, oh, oh, get in the action - feel the attraction Color my hair - do what I dare Oh, oh, oh, I wanna be free - yea to feel the way I feel Man! I feel like a woman! I get totally crazy Can you feel it Come, come, come on baby I feel like a woman" By the time the song ended, Dana Katherine Scully, Special Agent in the Federal Bureau of Investigation and medical doctor in forensics, had been reduced to tears of laughter. "Did I do that?" Mulder batted his eyelashes, false, at his partner, and tossed back the long, black hair of the wig he'd donned and continued to twirl the silver chain belt end which trailed to his knees. "Oh, Mulder, you have *no* idea." Scully sat up, wiping her eyes. Mulder grinned at his partner again, kneeling as best he could in the skirt and heels and all the rest to take her hand. "I'm glad. It's always good to see you laugh, Scully." "And good to see you smile too, Mulder." "Yeah, well... it's because you are." They moved closer and closer together until their lips were just lightly touching. Just a light brush against one another. The sweetness of the moment was shattered by the ringing of a celphone. "Scully... Yes, we'll be right there." The call was brief, but the moment was gone... at least for now. "We have to go, Mulder. They need us now." "Okay, partner... let's go." Mulder's voice had reverted back to the lightly British toned feminine it had been a little earlier. They got up and walked out of Mulder's apartment, and it was quiet there once again. -End...?-