Disclaimer: Fox Mulder, Dana Scully, the X-Files, and associated characters are property of David Duchovny, Gillian Anderson, Chris Carter, Ten-Thirteen Productions and Fox Broadcasting Corporation. They are used without permission and no copyright infringement is meant. Any elements not recognized as being taken from the show copyright Christina Shuy. Comments and other things sent to cshuy@netcom.com are much appreciated. Rating: PG for language, ScullyAngst, some MulderAngst, and hints of MSR (but then I generally don't write stories without that) Nonshipper safe Spoilers: "Demons", "Gethsemane" Summary: A post-"Demons" story that also sets up "Gethsemane". Note: This story has been in my head for months now... since I first saw "Demons" the first time. I just didn't get to the execution of it till now. What Happened? by Christina Shuy cshuy@netcom.com Journal of Dana K. Scully After going through the unorthodox treatment in the attempt to regain some lost memories, though which ones I'm still uncertain, Agent Mulder took off for his mother's in Greenwich, CT, and had some sort of confrontation with his mother, after which he ran off and left me behind... concerned. What am I saying? I was more than concerned. He had told me he was fine outside Doctor Goldstein's office. Now... I know I generally give him that as an answer, but... I know I'm lying when I say that, and I *know* he does as well. And I know for damn sure that he was lying to me at that time. He told Dr. Goldstein that he was going to exorcise his demons. In the process, he nearly shot me, even though I know I was not who he was aiming for. I was just glad he didn't kill himself. I don't know what I'd do without him. What's been going on lately... well... I'm just sorry that I won't be around much longer, and that Mulder won't know the truth- --- Still seated at her desk, writing in the small journal she'd originally told Mulder she was going to throw out, Dana Scully frowned. Her partner, one Special Agent Fox Mulder, was still under a great deal of stress and, therefore, acting very strangely. He had been behaving strangely in the last little while. After he'd called from Providence, Rhode Island with no memory of what happened for the two days prior to the call, his behaviour had gotten more and more erratic. She was becoming increasingly concerned. The seizures may have gone, but he was still behaving strangely. Even weeks after the fact. What she was most concerned aobut, however, was the fact that he had gone through a highly unorthodox and lethal proceedure which would have eventually ended, as it had in other cases, with his... 'Oh my GOD...' Dana's mind suddenly hit on something. "Oh, no..." She dropped her pen and ran into the bedroom, throwing on a pair of old sweatpants and a light jacket before running out the door. "Mulder! Let me in!" She had arrived at Fox Mulder's apartment minutes after leaving her own. She had tried to reach him on her celphone, but there was no answer. "I know you're in there, Mulder!" "What do you want, Scully? Why don't you go away and leave me alone? You have already made your opinion on my beliefs clear." Mulder growled through the crack of the door. "Mulder... I still have the strength of your beliefs-" "Yeah, you just don't *believe* in my beliefs. Or in me." "Mulder, please. You have to trust-" He opened the door wider and pulled her inside, a sneer of disbelief on his face. "I have to trust you? *You* who said that the Consortium gave you cancer to make me believe? You who have betrayed me before? Who are you to ask for my trust?!" he practically shouted. It was about that time that she noticed he still had his gun in his hand. "Mulder, give me the gun." she said, trying to keep her voice as steady as she could. He shook his head. "Are you going to shoot me?" "Not this time. This time, I'm going to shoot myself." "What will that solve, Mulder?" "I will finally be out of the grasp of that damned Conspiracy!" he nearly shouted. "Mulder, to tell you the truth, I really don't know what to believe anymore. I realise now that Kritchgau is probably a setup... the thing I don't know is how much is true and how much is lies." "Someone once told me that a lie is most easily hidden between two truths." "Mulder, even if *They* did give me cancer to make you believe, it is not ultimately your fault, no matter what you believe. It is *Their* fault. They have probably been manipulating you since the beginning, but one thing is still true: Samantha is still missing. You still have to find her." "I don't know." "Mulder, if you were planning to shoot yourself, keep this in mind. Amy Cassandra and the police officer both shot themselves in the head, just as you were planning on doing before I got here. What does that tell you?" Mulder shrugged. "I know what it tells me. It tells me that you are still under the influence of those memories that were, more than likely, planted in your mind by Dr. Goldstein. Something tells me he probably works for that chainsmoker who was there when I was assigned to you to start with." "As far as I know, that blacklunged son of a bitch conspired with my parents-" "Mulder, is that what those flashbacks of yours have been telling you? Is that why you demanded to know from you mother who your father was?" Mulder looked at his partner in shock. He didn't have to say a word. The look on his face spoke for him. "Yes, Mulder, I heard what you asked. I also know this: You are someone who goes after the truth and finds it... even through all the obstacles-" Before she could continue, a stream of blood started down her nose and she wavered, nearly collapsing as she held the tissue to her nose. "Scully! What's going on?" Mulder caught her in his arms and lowered her to the couch. "I... I meant to tell you, Mulder... the cancer... it's in my blood... I'm dying." She dabbed at the blood on her lip weakly. "Oh, God... no... please, no, Dana... I can't lose you... I..." Mulder's eyes were filled with sadness and fear. "Mulder... we have to find a way to get through this. Suicide is not an option, at least not for you. I never told anyone, but the reason I went into pathology was partially due to the fact that one of my best friends killed himself when I was eighteen. I don't want the same thing to happen to you." "B-b-but if I lose you..." "Mulder, your life is not about me. It's about you and your search for Samantha. My life-" "No, Scully, I won't accept that. You're more important to me than that. I want to find out what happened to you during those three months you were gone *first*. For all I know, Samantha is a stranger. You... you're not. You're my partner... and a very good friend." "Then don't shoot yourself. Continue the search for your sister and for the answers to what happened to me, as well as the cure to this cancer. Perhaps we should ask Skinner. If he has done what you've said he's done... then the answers to all of this lies with the Cancerman and the Consortium. Also, I'm not so certain I would trust your informant either. Remember, you've been strung along before." Mulder looked at his partner with a shocked expression. "What is it, Mulder?" "How can you be so logical and levelheaded when you're dying?" "Because this is not just about me. This is about *us*. If you kill yourself, *They* win. If I give up searching... They win. I may have started out debunking your work, but after I was kidnapped, this became personal. I am your partner, and I consider you to be one of my best friends, if not *the* best." Mulder lifted Scully into his arms and carried her into the bedroom. "Mulder, what are you doing?" "Letting you get some rest before we get the hell out of here. Actually... before I take you home. You have to testify before the committee in the morning... and I... I have to disappear. Or die. I haven't figured out which yet." "Mulder, put me down." Scully's tone left no room for arguement, so he did so. However, the moment he did, she all but fainted. "Dana... remember... tell the committee that all my beliefs were lies-" "I... don't... believe... that..." "It doesn't matter what you believe. What I do from now on, I do for you. Just tell them. And remember... I love you." Dana was too stunned to reply. As it was, she couldn't before blackness overtook her. The sound of a ringing phone startled her back to consciousness. "Scully..." she grabbed for the phone and answered it sleepily. "Agent Scully? This is Lieutenant Matthews, Alexandria Police. I need you to identify a body. Please come to Agent Mulder's apartment." said a woman's voice. "I'll be right over." she said, and hung up the phone. It was only then that she realised she was back in her own apartment, still in the bloodstained clothes she'd worn to Mulder's. "Oh, Mulder..." she said, and got up off the couch she found herself on, going into her bedroom to get dressed for work. As she made her way into Mulder's apartment, the journal she'd been writing in was in her coat pocket. "That him?" asked a portly, balding man, lifting a corner of a sheet. "It's him." she answered, though there was a heaviness in her heart. -The End... of the story.- *Whew!* I wanted to finish this before "Gethsemane" aired again... and here it is! I hope it's at least *remotely* good. "The Truth is Out There. Trust No One."- from "The X-Files" Pursuing a BS degree(Electrical Engineering)-Fall Quarter Hiatus (no money) "In the moment that you think you can't, you'll discover that you can." - Celine Dion - "Power of the Dream" "Let's get Dangerous!" - Darkwing Duck. Looking for work and a place to live... somewhere in the SanFran Bay Area.