INTERVIEW WITH SATAN
The following is an excerpt from a rare interview with Satan, Lord of Darkness. Here he explains his fear of Mulder.
Me: So, how is it that you became afraid of Mulder?
Satan: Well, it all started at last years "Evil Deities Convention"....
Me: Evil Deities Convention???
Satan: Yeah, we have one in Las Vegas every year, All the big shots were there, me, Mulder, Cthulu , Sauron... You name 'em and they were there...
Me: Ummmm... Ok, so what happened?
Satan: Well, things were great at first, but apparently Mulder had had a little too much to drink, not to mention all the crack he had been smoking that night.
Me: You mean that Mulder smokes crack???
Satan: Yep, like a freight train. He's one of the biggest dealers around, I once caught him trying to smuggle crack into Hell...
Me: Okaayyyy... Now lets get back to the story.
Satan: Oh, right... Now where was I???
Me: Mulder had been smoking crack.
Satan: Oh, I remember now. Anyway, he started harassing one of the topless waitresses. She kept telling him to stop, but he wouldn't. So I decided to do something about it.
Me: And what happened then?
Satan: Well, I walked up behind him, tapped him on the shoulder and told him to leave her alone. And that's when he turned around and bitch-slapped me!!
Me: He bitch-slapped you!?!?
Satan: Yeah!! And he said something like "Stay outta this you freaky, skanky, red-assed ho, or I'll rip that pointy tail off and beat yo ass with it"!
Me: He actually threatened you?
Satan: Yep!! And he said that if I told anyone that he would send those Hanson kids after me....
Me: That's terrible!!!
Satan: Tell me about it, that's why I joined the Federal Witness Protectin Program. I had to think about my own safety.
Me: I see.... Is that someone at the door?
Satan: I don't know, let me check. (walks to the door) Oh no!! It's THEM!!!
Hanson: Mmmm-BOP!!!!!
Satan: No!! The pain!!! The agony!!!!!
Unfortunately, the interview had to end there. I had no desire to share Satans torture, so I left.