EZE SAYS... "Hello squids, welcome to Squid Zoo. This page is dedicated to your suffering. The purpose of this page, is to show you that you are merely animals. Just like a bird, a dog, or a rat, you mean absolutely nothing in EZE's grand scheme. Enjoy your futile existences. I have chosen a few rare and exotic squid laboratory specimens for your viewing pleasure. The first thing you'll notice is their ugly faces. Then, EZE, the Deon Sanders of Laser Storm, the Dark Lord of the Sith, the Ultimate Male, the Ladie's Man, the Role Model, the Grand Wizard, the ruler of YOUR WORLD, will show you in slight detail why their squidism isn't only skin deep. Enjoy." -EZE

David Ash (upper left)
"Ash" leads the lowly life of the outcast. Michigan no longer wants him, and no other culture ever did. In a constant struggle to find himself, "Ash" seems to transform his personality similar to the way a chameleon changes color. This squid is obviously not far removed from the animals in behavioral patterns. Evolution seems to have passed "Ash" by. EZE felt sorry for this giraffe-necked squid and allowed him to believe he was an Empire member for a short time.

The Rat (upper middle)
This four legged rodent feasts on the scraps of other creatures. It's facial characteristics resemble that of our next "human" squid.

Jason Davis (upper right)
Try not to be replused by his repugnant face. Look deep into this squid's eyes, and learn his story. Poor Jason is not totally to blame for his substandard facial features. Several generations of inbreeding in the "Davis Clan" led to the rat-like nose and eyes of "Monofag" Jason Davis. Note his scaly, slimy tongue oozing out of his toothless mouth. The same wretched tongue that pleasures his 300 lb. trailer trash wife's bitter tasting vagina. EZE says YUCK!

Ed Cook (middle left)
The fearless leader of the Rogue Squadron has nothing to hide. That is, except for his entire life!! EZE's spies have confirmed that Eddie was never a part of any military groups, and that the pictures on his webpage were doctored. Eddie, a modern day Don Quixote, actually works as a french fry technician at White Castle. His imagination is almost as large as his waistline. EZE says Tae Bo!

David Burnside (middle)
"The Juggalo" is one of our most disturbing squids. Due to years of childhood sexual abuse, "The Juggalo" has become a sexual misfit. His idea of a good time is watching another man deficate. His idea of a great time is dining on the feces. If you are stuck in the same hotel room with "The Juggalo", make sure you bring your own toothbrush! We know where his mouth has been!

The Dog (middle right)
Another creature that wines and dines on the excretions of others. However, this is where the similarities between "The Juggalo" and the Dog cease.

The Dog and The Juggalo  -by Todd Litter

"The Dog" is man's best friend.
"The Juggalo" is intent on your rear end.
Women see "The Dog" and say "Oh how cute!"
Women see "The Juggalo" and feel the need to puke.

The Bird (lower left)
The Bird deficates at will and with no regard to others' safety. So as a dog is man's best friend, the bird is Juggalo's best friend. EZE says that a bird gets more respect than a squid, though they are both but animals.

Matt Lew (lower middle)
Look at this gimp's villainous face. Freakazoid, Freakazoid, we know you are up to no good. Whether it be stalking his next victim or losing to EZE at Laser Storm, Freakazoid is always a busy squid. A little known fact is that Freakazoid emails EZE once a day begging him to play for his Laser Storm team. EZE says HELL NO YOU GIMP!!

Matt Halstead (lower right)
We reach deep into the armpit of America to belch forth this squid. Always trying to get attention, this gimp makes himself look like a sideshow freak. As you can see if the pic. EZE can get all the attention he needs with his charm and doesn't need to disfigure his body. But we can't all be EZE! It's a good thing this squid hides in Colorado, or the dark lord would crush him personally.