i was undergoing treatment in a Guatamalan psychaiatric hospital when i first came upon that veritable organ funky mf, as it was then.  my body slowed to a crawl by large quantities of halaperidol and all my limbs shaking, my only amusement was paranoid psychosis, making passes at a beautiful  young afro-european nurse and reading this sadly departed organ. what bile, what fearless sacred cow tipping, what insightful and vicious woolly liberallism and what unmitigated pretentiousness? no controversy too pointless, no attempt at sounding cool and hip too desperate, no sarcasm too unwarranted... i set about taking funky mf as my guide to life, learning chess with the help of a russian fellow patient, who remained convinced that we were both victims of a conspiracy and could only communicate safely via micro economic diagrams, developing an interest in english hip hop and vowing to make a pilgrimage to Sheffield to take loads of soft drugs and go to NY sushi. i am just one of many, i am sure, of the global internet community whose life will never be quite the same: true very few people have actually read this rag, but it has become in many ways the bible of the transglobal cognoscenti, the centre of the web from which reverberations could shake the foundations of the space-time continuum and radically alter the laws of physics. alas Probe, but do not shed a tear dear reader, rather take a peek into the rich and pungent archives and remind yourself of what was. - Horatio Nortasnichta