Yes, for a person who has been saying "My goal is to have no goals", the following is a truly remarkable document. That statement was useful when I made it - especially when I wrote 4 or 5 pages outlining and explaining my perspective on the whole concept of goals. Interesting discussion last Friday as I said I am not sure if I meet the criteria for Day program as I have "no identifiable, definable goals". It was pointed out to me that I do - "Your goal is to have no identifiable, definable goals. So you have achieved your goal!"

Okay, here goes ...

{Strangely enough, the following goals flowed from a very tongue-in-cheek comment I made earlier in the day, "I'm not the Dalai Lama, just yet." So I then thought it would be an interesting exercise to specify the steps or goals necessary to "become the Dalai Lama". I soon realised that I was in fact identifying my own "indefinable goals" in a way which was quite specific but still totally open-ended as far as details go.}

To practise the following on a daily basis-

* Kindness

* Compassion

* Non-judgement

* Unconditional Love

* Nirvana

* Spontaneous Joy

That list of goals on its own should keep me fairly well occupied but I decided to go into a little more detail.

For a while I had been contemplating the apparent contradiction of having a vision such as "My Ideal Day Program" and then to turn around and say "My goal is to have no goals". There is no way I can write such a vision down without having a strong desire to contribute in some way to making it a reality even if the main contribution I can make is the vision itself. So one big goal would be to make whatever further contribution I feel I can to the evolution of the day program.

Some further goals -

To use the talents I have to inspire others to see themselves and their world in a more positive, transcendent way. Always remembering that they have the free will to regard me as a lunatic. To be okay with their reaction whatever it may be.

To continue to see myself as a visionary. The world needs more visionaries of every description. Again remembering that a visionary may not be terribly adept at matters such as organising, planning or the nuts & bolts aspects of the transformation process.

To contribute in any way I can, when I feel inspired to do so, to the growing sense of optimism & hope for the fuutre of ERMHA. At the same time, attempting to explain that I have reached a place of such transcendence that I am not attached to any specific result. To be okay with that if it drives people to distraction trying to understand where I am coming from.

To encourage others to have visions.

To remind myself & others that even visionaries aren't brilliant and inspired 24 hours-a-day. In fact sometimes we can be transcendentally vague.

To persuade others that being transcendentally vague can be a delightful and endearing quality. For confirmation, send them to consult with Dijana for a few hours. To trust that Dijana will take that last comment in the right spirit. I'm sure she will.

To assure others that being vague can be a powerful tool if used in the right way.

To live in the present. To LIVE in the present. To live IN the present. To live in the PRESENT. To see the present as a present. A gift. An act of love.

To get carried away. To encourage others to do likewise. To be okay with it if they don't accept the invitation.

To never see anyone as "Them". There is only US.

To live for the day when the word "stranger" can safely be left out of the dictionary.

To assist David Buller Esq. in his own personal quest to save the world through ERMHA without either of us ending up cruxified or in Acacia ward. To be okay with either of those outcomes if they do eventuate.

To keep the staff of ERMHA amused as well as confused so that they never want to leave. To wish them well if they do choose to leave despite my best endeavours. to welcome them bacj once they realise the error of their ways.

To be the poet and the poem.

To be grateful.

To be happy regardless of circumstances (That is a BIGGIE!)

To continue to have magical journies through time and space and imagination guided by angels.

To see beauty in places i never thought of looking for it before.

To continue to explore ways of creating sublime experiences for myself and others.

To live simply.

To appreciate those things that are free - the laughter of children, puppies, flowers, insects, stars, music, poetry, a smile from a stranger ... I could add much more to this list if I remember to come back to it at some stage ...

To keep myself amused and not expect others to do it. (This one should be a piece of cake)

To laugh and cry with others rather than at them. To see their pain as part of a journey even if they don't see it that way. To remind myself that my own pain has led me to this point which is far beyond what I would have ever dared dream of. (Rework that bit - there is a good idea in there just screaming to get out!)

To help rehabilitate the community. To be okay if they feel they don't need rehabilitation for the moment.

To continue to enjoy sublime gestalt experiences at whatever sessions of the day program I may attend.

To never take myself or anyone else too seriously.

To be engaged in the flow. To be SO engaged in the flow that I write poetry and prose that expands the consciousness of those who read it. To be okay if they read it and can't get into it right now.

To see the forest and the trees. To see neither the forest nor the trees.

To see God in everybody and everything. To be so overwhelmed by the exquisite beauty of every aspect of creation that I seek no other form of "entertainment".

To expand my consciousness as far as it will go.

To live for the day when New Paradigm has to change its name.

To learn from everyone and everything I encounter, even the so-called "bad stuff". To remind myself that I do not encounter anybody or anything by accident.

To see the miracle of every moment.

To touch the sky. (with or without both feet planted firmly on the ground)

To drop a few words from my vocabulary - ANGER - MUST - SHOULD - IMPOSSIBLE - REALISTIC - LIMITATION - ORDINARY - WEIRD - AVERAGE - BLAME - MISTAKE - GUILT - NORMAL - (many more to list). To be okay if people are perplexed by this goal. To empathise with them as I too would once have regarded such statements as loopy.

To live an extraordinary life. To see nobody's life as "ordinary" even if they do.

To help shift the paradigm of the entire world. This is a medium to long term goal. To be okay in the meantime if it shows little encouraging signs of being willing to shift.

To contemplate the eternal paradoxes of human existence without ever expecting to fully understand them at this level of reality.

To learn to communicate better with others who may not share my oen-ended view of reality without trying to convert them. To appreciate the unique perspective of each individual and that each of us is on a sacred journey even if some of us aren't yet aware of that on a conscious level.

To inspire others to dream. Always remembering those times when I was down so low that I did not dare to dream. To hope this fact alone may be enough inspiration for some.

To push the envelope. To be okay with others who are not quite ready to do likewise.

To watch for burn-out whilst not making it a self-fulfilling prophecy.

To resist the temptation to be briliant and inspired 24 hour-a-day just for the moment. To rejoice in the often elusive nature of inspiration. It is as slippery as a cake of wet soap.

Financially - to have simple desires and needs. Ideally, to find a way of making JUST enough money for these basics without needing to rely on the pension. To be okay if it takes me a while to find such a way. To inspire others to live more simply. To be okay if they take a while to come around.

To expand my vision of the "ideal day program". Recent ideas include flying the Dalai Lama over to conduct some sessions. He might learn something from us - he may achieve total enlightenment at ERMHA. Also installing a Stargate at ERMHA as some of us might like to visit intelligent life on other planets. There's not much down here! Only kidding! I'm also working on the idea that the wasps at Suzanne St may be a form of advanced alien life from a parallel universe. Maybe someone should try communicating with them. I am also toying with the idea of a "School of Transcendental Vagueness" to be run jointly by Geoff & Dijana with John Bingham as chief consultant. We would need to spend the first six months asimilating David into our view of the universe. I think there might be a place for Dianne too, now that I think of it.

Many more people and personalities to include in my vision. Almost too much material and too little time to compile it as I'm too busy being inspired anew.

To check with the various people in my vision to see if they are happy to have their names and personalities used in the manner that I have. I trust they take it the right way.

To smile beatifically towards Mr. Dave whenever I feel he needs it while simultaneously admiring his energy and commitment to saving the world through ERMHA. To remind him to chill out and enjoy the beauty of silence. To share my silence with him.

To be so busy with these goals that I have no time or energy to devote to toxic thoughts or emotions. To not be too hard on myself if I occasionally trip up along the way.

To see God in the eyes of every person I meet even if he is having a little nap at the moment.

To be okay with the fact that my progress towards these goals may continue to proceed in non-linear fashion as it has done over the past year or so. To let go of any concept of timetables and specific expectations.

To remind myself that most geniuses are eccentric (and generally quite volatile)

To remind myself that anything is possible. The most "obnoxious" person I encounter may be an ascended master in a perfect disguise and his/her behaviour may be a powerful tool for initiating further enlightenment. To also remind myself that most people do not yet see things as I do and thus they may regard such a statement as indicating that I am off-with-the-fairies.

To continue to have infectious enthusiasm even if it is transcendentally vague at times.

To BE the change that I want to see in the world (Thanks to Gandhi for that one)

To cease to be amazed that I even have these things as goals after what i have been through

To help contirbute to an ERMHA website and thus sharing our souls with the rest of the world. That is if the world is ready for us! To do this without spreading myself too thin. This delicate balancing act may require some time.

To use my powers for good instead of the alternative. To see and encourage these powers in others even if they are currently laying dormant. To give them a gentle nudge if I feel this will help.

To bless each person and condition. To allow each soul to walk its path. (Thanks to Conversations with God for these two and so much more)

To see the beauty in people that they may not yet see in themselves.

To enjoy being at this threshold point in my journey where theese goals are wonderful and tantalising JUST to contemplate whilst as yet they are not an automatic and integrated part of my being in everything I do. To trust that the day will come when they become automatic. To trust that everyone around me is on the same journey towards that magic day while realising it may not happen during THIS lifetime. To be okay with that.

To remind myself that the very fact I am aware of all these things is a sign I have already come a VERY, VERY long way.

To be as vague as I need to be.

To remind myself that personality and appearance and behaviour are all surface-level phenomena and most human interactions occur at this surface level. To remind myself of the deeper underlying reality that exists beneath the surface. A reality I have only become truly aware of in the past year. To remind myself that until you truly experience this underlying reality you do think that those surface events are all that there is. To be okay with those who have yet to experience their own sublime nature in a real way. To pray for them.

To focus on the goals themselves and trust the details to take care of themselves, on the inspiration of the moment. To pick David up off the floor after he reads this one. To live for the day when he says "Aha! NOW I know what Geoff was getting at!"

To navigate those days when these goals may seem impossibly distant and unachievable or even absurd. To seek reinforcement from kindred spirits on these days and not try to do it all by myself.

To continue to give David glimpses of what reality looks like when seen through my eyes. To visit him in Acacia ward if I give him too many glimpses before he's ready for them.

To remind myself that each of our lives is extraordinary if we find the right way of looking at things.

To experience Unity Consciousness more regularly, preferably without the need to be admitted to Acacia ward to do so. To be okay if that turns out to be the most suitable venue for it to happen. To experience true Communion with all the other Souls currrently living in this dimension of reality. To feel their pain as my pain. To feel their joy as my joy. To be okay if these statements are regarded with skepticism, cynicism or ridicule by others. To remind myself that I would once have had the SAME reactions. This in itself reminds me that I have come a LONG, LONG way in a relatively brief time. Further than I ever dared dream possible. To remind myself that this fact on its own tells me that ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE.

To remind myself that I was an atheist when I first experienced Unity Consciousness thus verifying that God does indeed work in sublime and mysterious ways.

To live for the day when these goals are seen as natural and universal. To be okay in the meantime if they are seen as remarkable.

To write a book or two about some of the experiences i have had along the journey to this point. I have enough material just from those seven surreal days in Acacia ward in Feb 1999 for a book. if I ever get around to compiling it.

To be a mysterious, transcendent, sublime presence wherever I go. To see this presence IN ITSELF as a valuable contribution. To inspire others to do likewise. (I don't know if David could handle too many more sublime, mysterious, transcendentally vague presences but it could be fun)

To live for the day when it is okay to say "My role in life is to be a transcendent presence which manifests itself in whatever way it feels inspired to do from moment to moment." To live for the day when that represents a job description. To live for the day when the hiring of individuals to be a "sublime, transcendental presence" is considered a vital aspect of every organisation and community. Sounds like more material for "My Ideal day Program."

To contemplate the paradox of these goals and visions residing inside an individual whose personality can be painfully shy and quiet. To see this as a blessing-in-disguise as it has been a vital ingredient in leading me to this point. To be okay if that continues to be a source of frustration.

To continue to conduct research into schizophrenia from the inside. That is, assuming the original diagnosis was correct. To continue to present an alternative view of "psychosis" to that which one might acquire from a linear, scientific, materialistic perspective. To be wary of extrapolating TOO far based solely on my own experiences. To live for the day when no human experience needs to be labelled.

To reach a point where these goals no longer need to be spelt out on paper as they have become integrated into my being.

To realise that all of these seeemingly separate goals are merely different aspects of the one goal and that we all share the same goal even if it is taking some of us a while to realise this. To be okay with that.

To reach enlightenment in THIS lifetime and then to assist others who are ready for the same trip.

To realise that nothing I say in these goals is essentially "new". Only the personal details of my situation.

To remind myself that reality is not something that "happens to you", you actually create every situation or event you experience. I will have to work on this one because part of me still thinks this is an absurd notion when I look at how the world is. Yet, in my more sublime moods, I contact that part of me which accepts this statement without hesitation. To bring those two parts of me together.

To remind myself there are many wonderful souls on this planet at the moment and that many have progressed further down the path than me. So, I don't have to change the world overnight by myself. In fact, to remind myself that the only thing ANYONE can really change is him/herself and if enough individuals do that then the world will change.

To live for the day when these goals are seen as conservative.

To take the leap of faith required to declare these things as MY goals, trusting that declaration is already an enormous step along the path towards them.

Glossary:

Transcendentally vague - A truly transcendent state of consciousness is by definition absolutely vague. All points of view are seen as arbitrary. They are all seen as equally valid and equally invalid. Reality is no longer conceptualised as it is by "everyday" consciousness. (could expand on this definition)

Dijana - advanced extra-terrestrial lifeform wearing a cunning disguise.

David - see Dijana.

(Better get permission for those 2 definitions. May be pushing the envelope a bit too far. Plus they may not wish their true identities to be revealed at THIS stage. They may not even be AWARE of their true identities at this stage)

John Bingham - advanced spiritual teacher in an even better disguise. (But you didn't hear it from me, right)

Acacia ward - an alternative universe. At least that is the way I experienced it in February 1999. Again, this may not be the right time to reveal this fact.

ERMHA - a place in Dandenong where amazing things are starting to happen. A community populated by many extraordinary beings.

Psychosis - this is a toughie. It all depends on who you ask. The person who is experiencing it or the person who is observing and diagnosing it. Over the past 16 years, I have written enough material for 10 books on my definition of psychosis as it has evolved through countless stages over that time. I do see it as a mysterious process/experience. It is a potentially metamorphic process which rarely runs a remotely natural course in this linear, materialistic, scientific paradigm. Just as few aspects of our lives run a remotely natural course. The fact that we have created an environment based more on fear than love doesn't help either. I do believe our understanding of psychosis is evolving but then what would I know, I've only lived with it daily for 16 years without mind-numbing medications or other pain-killers.

Unity Consciousness - This is simply my own attempt to describe the indescribable. A feeling of being "at one" with the entire universe. To no longer feel there is "me" and "everything else". To feel connected to every living thing - people, flowers, insects, birds, stars, the sun, the moon. To KNOW with certainty that everything is interconnected and that everything is just one aspect of the same divine source. It could be described as an "orgasm of the soul". It is an experience of such sublime, euphoric bliss that you can literally "lose your mind". A psychiatric ward may seem an unlikely venue to experience this. On the other hand, it may be THE perfect place. I wonder how many people throughout recent and past history have been in asylums as a result of this experience and the bizarre way it can manifest in behaviour. Again, this may not be the right time to reveal these things. It may also be THE perfect time. I don't yet have ALL the answers. If there is a "drawback" to such an experience ... well there are at least two but to define them as "drawbacks" is also a matter of perspective:
a) After such an experience, everything else tends to pale into insignificance and you can become obsessed with recapturing/recreating the experience. Many people take drugs in the hopes of having a similar experience.
b) You can become "unreal" to those around you if the experience persists and you spend most of the day in a beatific state. A nice problem to have, you might say. I suppose one additional goal would be to see this as a blessing and find a way to radiate that sublime energy to others. (and yes, I do realise a lot of this MUST sound like crazy talk if you haven't experienced it. If I had read a document such as this a few years ago I would have laughed my head off! But I would have been secretly envious of a person who could make such statements because I could never have imagined it ever happening to me. I thought I would be THE very last person on this planet who would experience what I have experienced in the past year. I also realise that nothing would have ever convinced me of these things until I had the direct experience myself. I was the original doubting Thomas.)

Okay, Di, you can call the CAT team now. I am obviously completely out-of-touch with what everyone else calls "reality".