T h e
M a g i c
B u l l e tThe Official Newspaper of X Files University
In This Issue
A Letter from the President of XFU | A Letter from the Editor
| Sports | Faculty Profile | Department Overviews |
Various Reviews | Announcements
| Advertisements
A Letter From Our President Dear XFU Faculty and Students,
What began as a flippant comment
by me on the XF-Romantics mailing list has turned into this incredible entity: XFU.
The web page (and subsequent offshoots: The Magic Bullet, IRC Chats and Classes,
Intramural Games, etc.) could never have come together so quickly,
and *exuberantly* without the help of everyone connected with X-Files University.
Obviously we are new (christened april 10) but the amount of growth I have witnessed
since our inception has been nothing short of amazing. I hope our essay archive
will house some of the most interesting, thought-provoking and entertaining works of
free spech, from the best and the brightest, online X-Philes. Judging the quality
of the first batch of essays, I would have to say we can reach this goal easily.
I wish you all good luck with your departments and studies. I also want to extend a
very warm welcome to all new XFU Faculty and any new students. I look forward to
meeting each of you by email or IRC chat. Please drop me a line and say hi. I have
been known to be an amusing Amy Lang A Letter From the Editor
Dear XFUers, In Medieval times, it was taught
that the purpose of literature is "to teach and delight". Being a dyed-in-the-wool
Medievalist (Mr. Duchovny and I could have some conversations), I decided to make
that the aim of "The Magic Bullet". And just as the 'real' The Magic Bullet is used
to pass along knowledge that would otherwise never see the light of day, I hope this
"Bullet" passes along different ideas, opinions and beliefs about the show, the
school and the world in general. The keywords here are openness and fairness.
No one who has something to say and is polite and respectful about it will be left
out. But it can't happen without you. Your feedback and contributions are vital
to the life of "The Magic Bullet". We could always use more writers. As always,
email me to volunteer or to send a
letter to the editor. Happy Reading,
"Fluke Sightings"
SOFTBALL
The inaugural softball game of the season, on Twin Peaks University turf
against the TPU BOBbies began on a high note as our team lead in the first 5
innings 3-2. But in the end, our team left knowing exactly where they stand - which
is not a good thing. TPU picked up steam soon enough - and not
without raising the suspicions of the Flukeworms as to exactly *how* they
were leading the game.
I won't point any fingers or name names, but when our star player, Bruckman,
hit what certainly would have been a homerun, and not only does not reach
first base, but doesn't reach it *levitating*, well sports fans, one has to
wonder if the opposing team is indeed fighting the fair fight. Final score:
7-3 in favor of the BOBbies. Note from the Editor
------------------
MEN: Law & Order D.A.'s win, with XFU coming in a horrific 16th.
The XFU Archery team is suspended indefinitely due to last week's Unfortunate
Cheerleader Incident. Flowers and cards can be sent to Bambi in care of the
Anderson Wellness Center. Try to keep it clean, guys.
Speaking of cheerleaders, I'd like to take this time to introduce the 1998
Fluke Squad:
This columnist is grateful for the creative talents of Freak No. 2, Alicia,
MJ and Angela. GO FLUKEWORMS!!! Emile St. Claire Faculty Profile XFU Faculty Profile by Amy Lang
Rebecca Bateman, Vice President of XFU and
Dean of General Studies I have had the pleasure of knowing Rebecca
previously from the xf-romantics mailing list. Her obvious enthusiasm and talent
prompted me to name her vice-president of XFU. She has been instrumental in
getting XFU off the ground and to the status it is today, and hopefully will be in
the future. Aside from her duties with us, she is also a webmistress. She happens
to run one of my favorite web pages: The X-Files Potato Shrine
http://www.geocities.com/Area51/Rampart/4038/XFPotato.html
There are links to all her pages from there. Please visit, the picture of Mulder
making the Mr Potato Face, makes this page worth checking out.
Rebecca took some time from her partying after finishing her finals to answer
a few questions. Let's get to know Rebecca below. ----------- A. I'm a college student who cannot decide
what she wants to study. I'm too interested in so many things to pin myself down
without worrying if I chose the right one or not. I could easily see myself as a
scientist, computer programmer, doctor, athletic coach, lawyer, or any number of
things. So, I guess you could say I'm a student of several disciplines. :P
Q. In a few short paragraphs, please explain how you would end the X-Files. What
would the last episode be about? A. How I would end XF? Well, in traditional
Chris Carter style, I'd like to have the last episode be a mytharc. I can't see the
end of the show without some giant revelation about the conspiracy. I don't think
I'd want everything solved- I like to keep wondering- but I'd want most of the major
threads pulled together. What is Krycek's agenda? What's this war of the aliens?
Who really is the CSM? And when is someone going to fix that lisp of Marita's? Q. Who is your favorite X-Files
writer? Give an example of their greatest contribution to the series. (it can be a
line of dialogue, a character they designed, etc)
A. I'd have to say it's a toss-up between Darin Morgan and Vince Gilligan.
Like any good shipper, I loved Gilligan's "Pusher". Additionally, "Memento
Mori", "Paper Hearts", "Bad Blood", and "Small Potatoes" are some of my
all-time favorite episodes. Gilligan is an expert at parodying everyday
life while giving viewers intricately-crafted real, human characters. He
can pump forty-five minutes so full of emotion that you forget it's just a
television show. And the best part of St. Vince- even years after the
episode airs, the video tape is still begging for mercy.
"Scully, should we be picking out china patterns or what?"
Q. If you were dressing up as a villain from the XF for halloween. What would you
dress up as? And what would you wear?
A. I can't really think of one that I would *want* to dress up as. However, I
probably already look the most like Marita Covarrubias. :P (Yes, I think
she's a villain. She's working with the CSM, isn't she?) In fact, that
might be kind of fun. I'd brush my hair back behind my ears, paint my face
dreadfully pale, and put on a deep, unflattering shade of red lipstick.
Q. If you were a salad dressing, what kind would you be? and why? A. Italian-
because it's the best. Q. If you could choose any other name for youself, what
would it be? A. That changes depending on my mood and state of mind. Right now, I
kind of like the name Jeri Lynn. Q. Who is your personal hero? (doesn't have to
be xf related) A. My father. Q. Fill in this blank: I love _____________.
A. You sure do like to ask the hard ones, don't ya? How about "My family."
Q. Is there life on other planets?
A. While I acknowledge the possibility that humans could be the only life
in the universe, I think that the utter rejection of the idea that there is
alien life on other worlds is idiotic. Earth is but one, tiny, minuscule
little speck of sand compared to the vast expanse of the cosmos. To think
that we are the only life that could have possibly evolved in this enormous
universe is selfish and short-sighted. There is so much we still don't know
about our own solar system, let alone the rest of the galaxy or even
universe. What if some other solar system supports conditions conducive to
life? Ours does. Why can't another? Q. If you had to choose an actor/actress to play you in
a movie of your life? Who would that be and why?
A. I don't know. I really don't think I know enough about myself to determine
who has the capabilities to portray that which is Rebecca. Ask me again in ten years.
Department Overviews: Interdisciplinary Studies
| Department of Villian Studies |
Paranormal Studies | The College of The Lone Gunmen |
Langly Studies in TCoTLG | Paranormal Judaica
| School of Mytharc Studies |
Episode Titles and Tag Lines | General Studies |
Foreign Studies
The Quirky (But Lovable) World of Interdisciplinary Studies
Contrary to what the title may imply, Interdisciplinary Studies is not a
dumping ground for those who can't figure out where else they belong. Nor are we
the "gut" college. We specialize in "non-traditional" areas of
study, which simply means that we encourage rigorous scholarship that looks
outside of the X-Files, but nevertheless can be related directly our favorite
show. There are currently three departments within the College:
-- Interdisciplinary Studies (includes the study of Crossover Fiction,
historical comparisons to "Twin Peaks" and "Kolchak: The Night Stalker," and
other Obscure Connections to the X-Files;
Be warned - some of these topics may look easy to write about, but that
doesn't make us easy graders. ;-> We are, however, a great group - fun,
flexible and always ready to assist you. Come visit our site and email our
professors with any questions:
http://www.geocities.com/Hollywood/Lot/8254/xfuis.html
Emile St. Claire,
Department of Villian Studies
http://members.tripod.com/~SisReade! Reade
Paranormal Studies
http://www.geocities.com/Hollywood/Studio/9055/XFU.html
Mulder would. Darcie Hobart The
College of The Lone Gunmen Everything You Wanted To Know About Langly And More
taught by Julie Burnham and Meredith The Dept. of Paranormal Judaica, School of Theology
The Department of Paranormal Judaica examines Jewish mysticism and
philosophy as it applies to the wo rld of the unexplained. Special
emphasis is pla ced upon those elements which appear in The X-Files,
either directly or indirectly. All concepts which relate to mainstream or
radical Judaism and The X-Files are acceptable for degree consideration. Remember,
all sc holarship must be academic or theological in nature, yet accessible
to Jews and non-Jews alike. Contact Dr. B. Pilgrim at [email protected] with
questions or enquiries, or stop by his office, The Sanctum Sanctorum, located in
The Ivory Tower, Kolchak Place. Office Hours from Midnight to four
weeknights, closed for Shabbat, religious holidays and solstices. Mytharc Studies
Episode Titles and Tag Lines
The School of General Studies
http://www.geocities.com/Area51/Rampart/4038/XFUGeneral.html Thanks!
XFU: Department of Foreign Studies
Students can write their thesis on ANY of the subjects found at XFU
and simply need to send us their thesis. Also, the fact that this is
the Foreign Language division also opens new subject possibilities.
For example, students can talk about the translation of the X-Files,
they can compare the voices/text (that is, if they've also heard the
American version). Students can also write about how X-Files is received in their
country, how popular it is, and stuff like that. We hope to expand in more ways
in the future as the university and our department grows!
Students can contact the Dean of their language at:
Claudia ([email protected]), Portuguese and Italian; http://www.
geocities.com/TelevisionCity/Studio/3105/xfu.html
Various Reviews of non-X Items David
Duchovny on "Saturday Night Live". Next was a skit featuring the
Spartan cheerleaders calling themselves 'Pep Daddy', sly reference to musical guest
Puff Daddy. David was wearing a REALLY bad curly blond wig and played the head of
the Paula Abdul Cheerleadin g Camp, Dale. There was a cute throwaway Speedos mention
and a cool cameo by Paula (it was cameos-ville the whole show) as herself. The
Spartan cheerleaders are joined by Dale and Paula to make a complete team, but Paula
'bumps' Dale in a sensitive area and the three have to finish the competition sans
Dale. Overall: Cute but not too funny. Celebrity Jeopardy featured Molly as Minnie
Driver, somebody I couldn't recognize as Sean Connery and, ohmigod, David as
Jeff Goldblum! There was much hosing-off of Darcie during this skit. And the
killer is he got Jeff almost perfect. He should have included some mumblings to
make it more Jeffesque. For example, when pointing at the buzzer, he should have
said in a just-hearable voice, "Look at this! This is amazing!" The "I can't read
or write" line was a bit cruel, but I don't think Jeff minded. He's got such a
wonderful sense of humor. Ok, sorry, Goldblum tangent. Overall: Best skit.
Mango-we all knew it was coming. Only noteable for how David tried to cover
his laughing: not very well. Molly once again comes through as a bewildered Tea.
Great cameo by John Goodman, yes I said John Goodman. Oh, to be Mango. Overall: Ok.
Space Shuttle-By far the worst skit I've seen in a long time. Not even David's
magnificent presence could save it. Overall: Worst skit. Possibly ever. Goat Boy-
This was just wierd. David was Goat Boy 2, Goat Boy's brother. Then GB2 tried to
hump GB. It was just wierd. Overall: Wierd.
The XFU community would like to
congratulate David Duchovny and Tea Leoni on their first wedding anniversary, May 6,
1998. There are still plenty of staff openings at TMB. Email Darcie to apply. Comments? Send a letter to the Editor
[email protected]
UberSculi or WhammyGal on IRC
You are now
reading the very first edition of "The Magic Bullet". It ain't much, yet. I hope
for this paper to grow as the weeks, months, nay, years progress. I want this to be a
forum for all XFU students, faculty and supporters.
Darcie Hobart
Editor in Chief, TMB
Sports Column by Emile St. Claire
Twin Peaks, Washington
I was at that game. I
will tell you what Emile cannot. The outrageous behavior of the TPU BOBbies was not
limited to use of invisible players, but also set off one of the greatest scandals in
fandom history. It seems, due to bribes or just plain apathy, that the BOBbies had
heretofore been getting away with playing Dennis/Denise Bryson as two players! Yes,
hard to imagine, I know. After much protest from Coach Carter, the umpires were
forced to postpone the game and confront the BOBbies coach. After a half hour long
dispute, it was ruled that Dennis/Denise are the same person and could not be
counted as two players! Justice has prevailed for the moment, but our upsetting loss has
triggered an investigation by the NTCAA (National Television College Athletics Assoc)
of all sports programs at Twin Peaks University.
TRACK - 100 meter
WOMEN: XFU emerges victorious in first.
-------------------
ARCHERY
--------------------------
CHEERLEADERS
----------------------------------
NEXT ISSUE: FULL 1998-99 SCHEDULE
Sports Columnist at The Magic
Bullet
Dean, College of Interdisciplinary Studies at XFU
Q. Tell us a little about what you do for a living, or if you're a student, where
you are studying and what you study.
Of course, just because it's a mytharc doesn't mean we can't have major
Mulder/Scully moments. IMO, the last episode wouldn't be complete without
our heroes confronting their relationship. I don't mean a fireside Small
Potatoes scene- that's really not what Mulder and Scully are about- but
some kind of serious discussion about what they've meant to each other and
where they want to take what they have. Both Mulder and Scully have a great
deal of inner turmoil to work out, and who better to hash it out with than
each other? Even if it's just an "agreement," there should be some
resolution of the DAL (oh yeah- and UST ;) they been experiencing over the
last 6 or 7(?) years. In the words of Chris Carter, The X-Files is a
"romantic quest." And if "Scully loves Mulder, and Mulder loves Scully,"
why not have them take on the world knowing that they'll always be there
for each other- for the rest of their lives.
On the other hand,
it just doesn't get much better than Darin Morgan. His scripts are layered with
hidden meanings, sly nuances, and subtleties that take at least three viewings to
catch. "Jose Chung's From Outer Space" should be archived in some sort of Library
for the Universe's Most Clever Works of Fiction. Not only does the episode title
have a double meaning, but every minute of the show contains some inside joke,
parody, or guffaw-worthy moment. From the flaky Jose Chung to sci-fi geek Blaine's
description of Mulder and Scully to the omnipresent Alex Trebek MIB and to
Mulder's infamous girlie scream, JCFOS is undoubtedly a classic X-Files episode.
"Did he speak to you telepathically?"
"No, in English."
To make a long story short, I can't
definitively confirm that there is life on other planets, but I think it's a
viable possibility.
-- The ever controversial, but always sparkling, School of Slashology/Gay
Studies. Here we analyze the phenomenon of "slashing" characters (i.e.
writing fiction about gay and lesbian relationships) from the X-Files;
-- The popular and still growing School of X-Philes Studies. Here, one can study
everything from the Evolution of the X-Phile to X-Philes in the Wild to
the Biography of a particular X-Phile.
Dean, College of Interdisciplinary Studies at XFU
No one would argue that Moose and Squirrel are important to a good
X-Files episode. But here at The College of Villain Studies we believe
that the protagonists can only be as good as the antagonists. Come
on... where the show be without those bad guys that we love to hate.
Besides EVIL can be just plain FUN. Don't make us "PUSH" you. Come over
to the Dark Side. Visit the College at
It's what the X Files are about.
As such, I intend to make my department the tougest in the school. Nothing less than the
pride of all things X depends on it. But don't let that discourage you. C heck
out the department page at
Department Head
The College of The Lone Gunmen hopes to further knowledge about TLG, and
teach those who want to learn about them. X-Philes can get degrees in one
of four ways - choose one of the Gunmen, or get a general degree
concerning all three. There are five people on staff at the College of
TLG, all of whom are more than happy to help with thesis writing and
proof-reading, etc. For more information, contact the Dean or one of the
Department Heads, or check out the thesis requirements listed in the course catalog.
(:
Allie Freitas
Dean
Julie Burnham
Co-Dean
Langly Studies
Dr. B. Pilgrim,
XPHD,
Dept Head
The School of MythArc Studies specializes
in the Conspiracy/Mythology as a the driving force behind much of the X-Files plot
developments and character motivations and growth. Always we must remember:
"Sometimes a repeat is....just a rerun...Continuity is ambiguous....
Nothing is to little to be considered....nor to large to be ignored....
and The MythArc is...always...in progress."
~Professor Mary Greten,
Ph-iles D-epartment of MythArc, B.S.
Hello from the ETTL Studies
Department of the XFU!! This department involves the study of the background,
meaning and suggestions of episode titles and tag lines, what purpose they serve,
and whether they help or hinder the depth of understanding of an episode and its
plot. You can get really technical or way deep into mythology if you choose, or
you could discuss the idea of the use of episode titles that have a specific
association with the plot of the epidode compared to other shows. A degree in this
department could complement many other studies here at the X-Files University, such
as Mythology, Theology, Feminist/Women's Studies, Humanities and Literature, etc.
We are currenly a small department--that is, there's just me, Carolyn, the
department head right now!--but I am excited to be a part of XFU and I'm looking
forward to getting jiggy with the nitpicking of episode titles with any new st udents!
Write to me at [email protected] for more info or just to chat about ideas,
and also the department webpage will be up within the next few days, so check
back at the course catalog soon!
Thanks!
Carolyn
Department Head
Students can create
their own area of study when their topic does not fit into any other school. Thesis
topics can be a combination of several different XFU departments or have nothing
to do with any of them. This school offers the freedom to create the degree best
suited to students' interests.
~Rebecca Bateman
XFU Vice President and Dean of General Studies
The Department of Foreign studies is for foreign students who feel much more
comfortable writing
their thesis in their first language. Or for students who want to
show off to their friends by getting a degree in a language they're learning.
Monica ([email protected]), Italian;
Nataly ([email protected]), Croatian;
Christelle ([email protected]), French;
Linda ([email protected]), Spanish.
Or visit us on the Internet at
I was pleasantly surprised. The opening
skit was nothing less than inspired. Janet Reno (Will Ferrell) turns out to be an
"informer" for Mulder. He expects ufos. She wants to give him U.F.O.s
(unbelievably ferosious orgasms) (well Hell so do I, anyway). Dear Agent Mulder
refuses her comeons, especially after she karates Scully (Molly Shannon, whom I love).
But Reno's on the rebound, she's got Krychek, played by Nick Lea in a cameo. Nick
puts an incredibly fake arm around Janet's shoulders and says "Let's roll." But
Janet put the whammy-kiss on Mulder and he 'attacks' Krychek, knocking him down. The
foley people won't get a nomination for this one.
Janet punches Mulder and helps Ratboy up and they close with "Live from New York..."
Overall: Funny.
Got something you want announced?
Let me know.