I believe that a man has an obligation to be merciful to the weak... patient with the stupid...generous to the poor. I think he is obligated to lay down his life for his brothers, should it be required of him. But I don't propose to prove any of these things; they are beyond proof. And I don't demand that you believe as I do.

Bob Wilson:
1. Never trust in anybody else's B.S.
2. Never trust in your own B.S.

"Manual for Discordian Evangelists" by O.K. Ravenhurst

     "The SOCRATIC APPROACH is most succesful when 
confronting the ignorant.  The Socratic approach is what 
you call starting an argument by asking questions.  You 
approach the innocent and simply ask, "Did you know that
God's name is ERIS, and that He is a girl?"  If he should
answer "Yes," then he is probably a fellow Erisian, 
and so you can forget it.  If he says "No," then quickly 
proceed to:
     "The BLIND ASSERTION and say, "Well, He is a girl, 
and His name is ERIS!!!"  Shrewdly observe if the subject 
is convinced. If he is, swear him into the Legion of 
Dynamic Discord before he changes his mind.  If he does 
not appear convinced, then proceed to:
     "The FAITH BIT:  "But you must have faith!  All is 
lost without faith!  I sure feel sorry for you if you 
don't have Faith."  And then add:
     "The ARGUMENT BY FEAR and in an ominous voice 
ask, "Do you know what happens to those who deny Goddess?"  
If he hesitates, don't tell him that he will surely be 
reincarnated as a precious Mao Button and distributed to 
the poor in the Region of Thud (which would be a mean 
thing to say), just shake your head sadly and, while 
wiping a tear from your eye, go to:
     "The FIRST CLAUSE PLOY wherein you point to all of the
discord and confusion in the world and explain, "Well, who 
the hell do you think did all this, wise guy?"  If he says,
"Nobody, just impersonal forces," then quickly respond
with:
     "The ARGUMENT BY SEMANTICAL GYMNASTICS and say that 
he is absolutely right, and that those impersonal forces 
are female and that Her name is ERIS.  If he wonder of 
wonders, still remains obstinate, then finally resort to:
     "The FIGURATIVE SYMBOLISM DODGE and confide that 
sophisticated people like himself recognize that Eris is a 
Figurative Symbol for an Ineffable Metaphysical Reality 
and that the Erisian Movement is really more like a poem 
than like a science, and that he is liable to be turned 
into a Precious Mao Button and Distributed to The Poor 
in The Region of Thud if he does not get hip.  
Then put him on your mailing list."

Bob Wilson:
From the Jewish:
A young man went to his Rabbi and said, "I have lost Faith."
"So," said the Rabbi, "and how did you lose Faith?"
"I studied Logic at the university," said the young man, "and I found out that you can prove either side of any case if you're clever enough."
"Indeed," said the Rabbi. "Can you prove that you have no nose?"
"Certainly," said the student. "To begin with - "
But at this point the Rabbi punched him hard right in the nose.
"What hurts?" the Rabbi asked solicitously.