I woke up this morning dreading 2:00. That's when I was supposed to go to w*rk. I w*rk at a national retail electronics chain which shall remain nameless. I dragged my feet bathing and grooming and dressing...oh, joy, the cat just threw up. Good "late" excuse. I cleaned up the pile of slightly used Tender Vittles and headed out the door, oblivious to the fact that I had left my two bare necessities--my cigarettes and my organizer lying on the coffee table. Swell.

This is gonna suck, I thought.

I do not know which god I pleased today, or which sacrifice I made, or which random act of kindness I performed to make the karma fairy sprinkle me with blessings after that, but whoever you are, I appreciate it. Because the second I walked in the door of the store, oddly enough, my day made a 180-degree turn for the better.

As I plodded back to my locker to stash my purse, I became aware of a most enticing aroma coming from the general direction of the major appliance department. On the way to my department, I followed my nose to find a decent-sized turkey roasting in one of the convection ovens on display. A turkey! I'd forgotten all about that. See, every year, the major appliance guys buy a turkey and a few other assorted Thanksgiving-type edibles and cook them right there in the store, then sneak them back to the break room to be feasted upon. This also has a pleasant side effect for the majors sales guys: lured by the scent of roasting turkey, customers drift into the department and BUY STUFF.

I barely got to the turkey in time to get my share (in fact, when I attempted to go back for seconds, I found nothing but the naked bones of the turkey and the two drumsticks lying on the platter, and I didn't feel much like doing my Henry VIII impression today). Now supposedly there's some kind of chemical in turkey that's been proven to either enhance one's mood or put one to sleep (or both). It worked.

Everything seemed to go my way today. I got a gingerbread man from the Aerial rep. Every customer I talked to was polite, friendly, civilized, had taken a bath recently, and spoke perfect English. I went down in history as the first salesperson in the entire store to sell a Sprint PCS phone. For this landmark feat, I got a Koozie emblazoned with the Divx logo from one boss, and a dollar from another. When I put said dollar in the Coke machine, I ended up getting a 60-cent Coke for 20 cents, as the machine gave me someone else's change as well. I got a second Koozie, this time with the Aerial logo on it, from the Aerial rep. And an hour before closing, I was asked to drive 10 minutes to the other [nameless store] to print price tags as our printer had died. For my trouble, I was given ten bucks for gas out of petty cash. My tank was already suitably filled, so I spent it on dinner instead. The $5 left over will still fill my riceburner's tank satisfactorily.

On top of that, perhaps thanks in part to the turkey and whatever marvelous chemicals it contained, it was one of those days where NOTHING could piss me off. I found myself speaking to someone else's customer, a borderline Customer From Hell, and before I knew it I had not only defused the nice lady's temper, but had her chatting away to me like a bridge partner in minutes. Normally I would have thrown up my hands, pawned the lady off on the nearest manager, and bailed.

Now all day, I'd been wandering around waiting for the other shoe to drop.

At about 5 PM, it dropped.

"Oh, by the way, Sarah..." I hate those words. Especially when I hear them from my boss. It means there is something he forgot to tell me, something that is likely to send me into a snarling rage. "There's an all-store meeting tomorrow at 8."

8 o' fucking clock. In the morning. ON MY DAY OFF.

I was still high on turkey-dope at that point. I must have been, because Ed is not hanging by his feet from the T on the [nameless store] tower.