This year, I decided not to put off my holiday shopping till 4 AM two days before Xmas. I feel much better now. There are still two presents I have to get...a [censored] for Dad, and a [censored] for Mom. No, no, stop that. They're perfectly civilized gifts. After Xmas is over and they know what they're getting I'll add in the words. I just don't want either of them to stumble on this page and figure it out. And they worry that I'll peek in the wrong closet and get a sneak preview of my gift lineup when I come visit, even though I'm 24 years old, have my own place, and have no business coming near their closets these days. Anyway.
Here's the deal. My parents are divorced. Both of them remarried. The fact that the usual mom gifts (perfume, jewelry, etc.) don't appeal to my stepmom and the usual dad gifts (ties) are utterly useless to Dad does not ease the shopping strain. At one point I realized that Dad had everything and that all I could do was buy him stuff to keep his other stuff in. There is, however, one thing he doesn't have yet.
Thank [insert deity here] for the Target gift set aisle.
I bought, in no particular order: a salsa/margarita mix set, a collection of really hot sauces, a chocolate coffee sampler, and for me--a slightly different collection of really hot sauces because one of my characters begged and whined about it.
There was still one person I had no idea what to get...my mother.
I plodded all over Target peering up and down each aisle in search of a perfect gift. In one aisle, some poor fellow was lying on his back twitching oddly, apparently in the throes of some sort of seizure.
This, I think, was an exact physical representation of my current mental state.
Okay. I found myself in the doll aisle, looking over the most /darling/ little dolls. You know all those Anne Geddes photos of babies dressed up like bees and babies dressed up like bunnies and babies dressed up like ladybugs? Yeah. They had the dolls. Well, while I was looking over them trying to see if I could squeeze one more gift into my already tight budget, there came the sounds of a rather unhappy small child screaming from the next aisle over. Then there came the yells of an equally unhappy but much bigger child, presumably a big brother. Then more screaming from the smaller child.
After five minutes or so of this, I couldn't take any more.
"Excuse me," I said, peering down the aisle to see the larger child dragging the smaller child around by the arm, and probably coming very close to pulling the smaller child's shoulder out of socket. "But WHERE are your PARENTS!?"
The older looked at me like I had called him a bodily part. "I am TRYING to find them," he sniffed at me in a tone of voice more suited to a snobby rich brat than the ghastly little demon seed he was.
I nodded. "When you find them, tell them to they need to either teach you how to act like a human being in public or keep you on a leash."
That did the trick. Dumbfounded (and thankfully, speechless), the kid plodded off in search of Pee and Em, smaller sibling in tow.
I know what you're thinking. You're thinking "My God, Sarah, you are a cruel bitch."
Not really. I only get like that when faced with children who have obviously not been taught anything even remotely resembling manners. Before I went to work at [nameless store] I thought those leashes people put their kids on were cruel. Now I wonder why they don't have choke chains.
Anyway.
Xmas shopping was mostly done. I came home, wrapped the gifts, and set them next to the table. I found a perfect one for my mate--a two-CD set he'd been eyeing at the music store for a while. Well, at least I thought it was perfect.
He came home the other day and eyed it. "Which game is that?" he asked.
I blinked. "Game?"
"Yeah. I'm only asking because my parents are getting me a Playstation game and I want to make sure I don't get two of the same one."
I eyed him. He thought I'd bought him a game. Damnit. "It's not a game."
He looked very disappointed. "Oh," he said, and immediately went next door for four hours to play Twisted Metal.
You see, he's been pestering me to buy him this Playstation game for months. It doesn't help that the game costs $45, it doesn't help that his birthday and Xmas are fifteen days apart, and it sure as hell doesn't help that on top of Xmas shopping, I still have to pay rent, pay the light bill, make the car payment, buy t.p., and feed the both of us. I /do/ want to get him that game, and he knows it, but he also knows money is a little tight. I know he's going to be disappointed Xmas morning, and I know he's probably going to be disappointed on his birthday because the fact is, I just can't afford to get the damn game right now.
Then again, this is the same person who proposed to me seven months ago and still has yet to buy me a ring. He can deal.