Sirs,

Our agents amongst the mortal herd have brought to Our attention your recent product entitled Windows 95. Therefore We now give you statutory notice of intent of proceedings to be taken against Microsoft by the Many-Angled Ones.

With this suit We will show that Windows 95, and to a lesser extent all of the Microsoft range of products, infringe upon the recognised ‘look and feel’ of the Great Old Ones, in the following areas in particular:

1. Windows 95 is a crawling abomination from the darkest pits of the Underworld
2. No man can be in its presence for too long without being driven into gibbering insanity
3. A cult which worships it exists in secret amongst the mortal herd
4. Those who associate with it for too long develop mutant physical characteristics, to wit; pale clammy skin, bulging eyes, unkempt physical appearance, tendency towards nocturnal living and cravings for food which normal people do not eat (in your case Jolt cola and burgers, in Ours human flesh and the souls of the damned)
5. Mysterious tomes that purport to explain the phenomenon are reputed to exist, bound in unnatural substances and only available at terrible cost to the reader
6. The Microsoft range of products seek to utterly dominate the world and force all who dwell there to live in eternal suffering

As you can see, Our case is very strong, especially when you consider that most judges prefer not to have their brains scooped out and eaten by chittering things with tentacles for faces.

We hope that you will consider these points carefully and settle out of court as it is not Our intention to have your senior partners spend the rest of their mercifully short lives under heavy sedation in a maximum security psychiatric hospital. After all, it was the Lords of the Outer Planes who gave humanity lawyers in the first place.

Respectfully yours,

<Oddly disturbing squiggle done in some sort of ichor>

pp. J. Arthur Hastur, LL.B., B.C.L., B.D.