Regarding the Despised

We cut to a scene in the warehouse that Bobo's slowly remaking into a fit studio-style sprawl... The belts are arranged on the wall, and Bobo is pacing around, presumably to force the guys in the trailer to bust their humps keeping the mosaic blur on them. He seems very pleased that he's making life tough for more and more people each day, and yet we marks at home get the sense that he's STILL not happy...

Hold still, dammit! We can't afford a steady-cam! <pantpant> This old crap we bought from NBC's yard sale dates back to the Carson years! <pantsnort> It weighs a ton! <coughwheeze> You're killing me!

Let's not get ahead of ourselves... Heh.

Uhhh.... Y'know, I could use the workout anyway... ah-heh-heh... <Gulp> On three... Ready? One... Two...

Hello, my intended...

Well, what can I say? Doctor Plants is apparently too busy to spin us a new line of crap about how - evidence to the contrary - he really DOES have a spine. He seems to be focusing on being the Black People's Champion... Must... Not... Laugh... Fine. Listen, Doc, just because you can't spell, read, or hold down a steady job - don't go thinking that you can 'connect' with your audience for cheap heat... Heh. That kind of cop-out attempt to make the fans suddenly care whether you live or die is so old it's got WHISKERS on it. Besides, it's insulting... And we all know who's job it's been lately to insult THAT demographic, don't we? It is to laugh.... Heh.

Y'know, Mr. Fiendish, I'm beginning to suspect that your hate for Plants and Neige isn't a 'work'....

Well, look who's been reading Wrestling Terms for Dummies... Kid, I'm proud of you...

You are? Because I have a love and interest for the business and learn all I can?

No. Because you managed to learn how to read by the tender age of 22. That puts you in the upper tier of this roster, considering the promos I've seen so far... Heh.

That's just mean... (sniff)

Mean? Not so. MEAN is the shoddy treatment I've been getting... The way the brass drapes that pixelly weird mosaic on my belts in a frantic attempt to deny the existence of other wrestling promotions. To steal from me my history! And the worst cut of all, is that while they are quick to bleep me when I mention promotions like (censored), (censored) and (censored) - and people such as (censored) who (censored) Dr. Plants... They do NOTHING to him when he speaks of the VERY SAME THINGS. In my opinion, that's (censored).

Did they just bleep the word 'ridiculous'? Guys, what's going on?

Trailer Crew: Sorry, force of habit....

Sheesh.

Excuse me... Are you VERY busy, or can we earn our day's pay?

Sorry...

Thanks EVER so. Ahem. Now the Doctor, for reasons known only to him, has dropped a challenge to the Tag Team champs for the PPV... WITH the proviso that THEY can pick his partner... Mind you, I've been in the business long enough to know a cheap, contrived, obvious lead-in when I see it, so let me just say that the only way I'd be in the same ARENA with the likes of the World's Dirtiest Booby is to hand him his head on a SKEWER.

Uh, don't you mean the World's Dirtiest Booby ENHANCER?

.......No.

Moving right along...

Oh, CAN we? Fine. So before the fans get their hopes up that the Angel of Death MOST EXALTED would deign to carry the dead-weight dink to a Title Reign can just pull their heads out of their fat cans and buy a clue. Doctor Plants is to wrestling what Bill Clinton is to the presidency... An EMBARRASSMENT. And that's just one of MANY embarrassments to this fine sport that I will put an END to poste haste. I PROMISE.

You're welcome... See you -

Hold it!

What?

You still have two minutes.

Are you kidding me? What the hell am I supposed to do to pad this out for two more minutes?

Well, you could address Neige Thirteen, seeing as he's decided to hang around and all...

Sigh. Very well... And don't think I've forgotten about Neige One-Three... That poseur who fancies himself an Anime Fan because he bought BOTH those collections from Columbia House. Neige, the closest you ever been to anime was when your mom tried to abandon you in Chinatown. You think because you've got the Cartoon Network that you're suddenly in-the-know about all things anime? Think again!

You cheapen the work of Toei, Pony, ArtMIC and the rest everytime you bastardize one of their creations in some sad attempt at coining a catch-phrase. Gundam it? SPARE US. And give me a break with the martial arts BS you've been pitching, kid... You'll NEVER be a martial artist no matter HOW many times you watch Streamline's hack dub of Hokuto No Ken - known to fakes and wannabes like yourself as Fist of the North Star.

It makes light of the YEARS of effort made by people like me to be skilled in the science, and if you persist in this rude mockery, well... I'm going to give a little DEMONSTRATION that you'll have six to eight weeks to ponder while your BONES KNIT. The world will thank me for removing you from their screens... And to that I just have to say... Time?

Ten seconds left. Nice improv...

You're welcome. See you SOON.