Must... Not... Laugh....

Bobo stands up and stretches, showing a lithe musculature that seems to be covered with scars from God knows where... Probably those OTHER promotions like (censored)... Geeze, you're bleeping the narrator now? Come on, guys...

Trailer Crew: Sorry, we're under orders...

Right... Oh well... Moving along... (Ahem!) He turns to the camera with a smile that makes witnesses lose their memories and speaks:

Hello, my intended...

Well, what have we here? The 1-3-Kid seems a trifle on the unhappy side... This pleases me. See, while he was doing a fan produced sequel of 'The Skateboard Kid", presumably titled "Snowbody Likes Neige"; I've been examining the rest of the competition here... But, sadly, I couldn't find any... Bummer. Mayhap I should lower my standards a trifle? Naaah.

You see, kid, there are two kinds of people in this world... People like you, and successes. Normally, I'd care about something like Canadian History just in case Trebek calls back on that 'Jeopardy' gig, but since it's only worth 62% of equal American History, I figured why bother? Heh. Come to think of it, isn't Trebek from that Canada you're so proud of? It's nice to know you love a country that thinks a guy that lives with his mom at the age of 52 is a National Treasure... It is to laugh. No wonder you spend so much time watching those crappy cartoons - with a life like yours, any escape will do... And the Cartoon Network is still cheaper than crack, so....

For the record, nobody cares about how long you've been tagging along behind Plants - but if it's Japanese rules, I'm guessing it's no closer than seven steps. On the plus side, when they take a plane somewhere together, Neige gets the NICEST little carrier to sleep in down in the hold - just like all the OTHER furry little bitches people bring as carry-on... Heh. Does he call you 'Foo-Foo' all the time, or just when you're alone?

You're insane, you say? God help us if you ever get pushed too far? Oooo... Scary. Listen, you pitiful dink, insanity is just one of MANY subjects that you rattle on about without the slightest encumberance of knowledge. Anime, martial arts, and yourself being the rest of the Big Four, but I digress... Nice to know I can still push his little buttons, though... Too bad Doc Plants won't tell me which one is 'Vibrate'... Heh. See, kid, asking for a match with me isn't proof you're insane... It's proof you're suicidal. Close, I know, but just shy of the gravy... Better luck on the rewrite, okay?

True, I know my 'gimmick' as you say is much abused by others, but that's the point... Cretins such as yourself and Doc Plants wouldn't have a chance at ALL if I didn't hobble myself with this old cliche', and you can tell all the other smarks I said so. I just want you to THINK you have a chance long enough to get in the ring - and THEN I'll shovel a nice fat reality-burger down your bitching, moaning, groaning caker. Then you can whinge and cry and run away like you did in (censored), (censored), and of course (censored) and tell everybody that DOESN'T know any better how good you are... And sooner or later someone like me - which is to say, someone twice as talented as you THINK you are - will show up and hand you your head so we can start all over... Won't that be nice, Foo-Foo? Atta boy!

And while we're on the subject, let me say congratulations on your choice of 'gimmick'... Lord KNOWS the fans haven't seen the likes of a 'Pissant Blowhard That Can Only Back Up What He Says From Ambush with a Foreign Object' before... Must... Not... Laugh.... Hey, DK, if you hear a siren moving closer, don't worry - it ain't the cops... Just get some earplugs, because Age 13 the Crying Snowman is coming to weep on your bootlaces... Some MORE. Better put down some newspaper...

Which brings us to Dr. Plants... Doc, it's nice to see you're trying your hand at other sports-related careers... Too bad you're just as good at them as you are at Medicine and Wrestling, though... Oh well. I guess you could always TEACH... I can see it now: 'Getting By on BS 101'... Heh. Honestly, Doc, while you and Niege surround yourselves with stooges to be a diversion while you escape, I'm not one to do so... You know WHY? Because I don't NEED any help to pound your heads into shattered bags of bone fragments. You two can challenge these cookie-cutter job-boys all you want... I can wait. But I'm still watching the airports, in case you revert to type...

See, when- or more accurately, IF - you two cataclysmic dinks ever get to the level I'm on, EVERYONE is a job-boy... Consider yourself given an idea of what to shoot for... if I LET YOU GROW UP. Heh.

You're welcome... See you SOON.