Such as they are...

ThatGuy: Okay, I'll trade you my Mewtwo for your Dragonite IF you throw in that most excellent Charizard...
Hank: As IF! I know you've got that Charmander you've been DYING to evolve...
ThatGuy: So what? You never beat me anyway, with all those dumbass Plants you use...
Hank: RESPECT the Plant-Type, man... RESPECT it!
ThatGuy: Come on, you KNOW they're vulnerable to fire, and I USE fire... What the hell, are you STUPID? Too many bumps?
BILL: Huh? What?
ThatGuy: Not you, BILL... Sheesh.
Hack (seeing Kamera Kid, and that tell-tale red light): Uh, guys?
Hank: Shut up, you stupid second-stringer! Can't you see I'm BUSY...?
Hack: But...
ThatGuy: Yeah, Hack, Hank's busy being a dumbass... Okay, Plant-Master, how about if I throw in this SUPER-SWEET Victreebell I got out of the Jungle Booster?
Hank: HEY! I thought we agreed to not use those Theme Decks...
ThatGuy: Then I guess you DON'T want it...
Hack: Guys... Ixnay, guys...
Hank: Didn't I tell you to shut the hell up, you miserable little NOTHING?
Hack: But...
Hank: Don't make me smack you, you human sandbox! Dammit, Guy, though it goes against my principles, you have presented an offer too good to pass up. Deal! Here's the Dragonite and Charizard.
ThatGuy: And here's the Mewtwo and Victreebell... Better put that Victreebell in a safe place, though...
Hank: What? Why?
ThatGuy: Because we have a rule against using Theme Booster cards, remember? Dumbass.
Hank: .....I hate you. I hate you so very, VERY much.

Bobo walks in carrying a trashbag full of cash due to his successful book launch. He looks at Kamera Kid, then at the rest of the Alliance, then back to Kamera Kid.

Oh, crap.

Alliance: BOBO!

Cut to a commercial.... Not now, but RIGHT N-

MAN, is this ever the best board out there... It's durable enough to handle the heaviest powder, or the hardest head with nary a scratch - but that's not to say that the Neigeboard™ is a big clunker. In fact, it's so lightweight you'd need to be an expert just to RIDE it. Luckily, since I AM an expert, here goes...

Nick shoots down the side of the slope, bowling over several skiers. He hits a jump, and executes a stunning half-twist over and under somersault. The crowd goes wild, and Nick waves to them like a good Legend... And hits a tree...

DOKE.

Nick gets to his feet with cartoon stars orbitting his head, and turns to the folks at home.

But, hey... Nodubbies furpicked... And if YOU wipe out - and you WILL - and can't remember stuff... Like where the lodge is... Or your name... Don't durry, wude. Becuz of it's garbon phagrite, you'll ALWAYS be able to resace your teps. Boned relieve we? Look...

We see that there is a dark black line indicating where the Neigeboard™ passed that flows back up the mountain.

See? So if you wanna be the best, do what Snowboard Legend Nick Bourke tells ya, and buy yourself a Neigeboard™ right NOW. I gotta go lay down in the soft, soft snow for a while, but you remember...

Buy DOKE. It's the real thing....

Nick then walks off three steps and collapses.

What the hell was THAT? Where was the book commercial?

TrailerCrew: Uh, sorry, Bobo... We grabbed the wrong tape. It won't happen again, we promise...

It had BETTER not. GEEZE, the production values are going into the crapper faster than Chinese-Mexican food... Where was I, Kid?

Preparing to start, I hope... The battery on this is only good for two hours...

Fine. Mark me...

Sigh. In Three... Two...

Hello, my intended.

Well, well, well... Seems that I've struck the odd nerve amongst the lesser beings. This pleases me. Where to begin? Tyrone... It seems I was in error regarding the answer to your trivia question. Never let it be said that Bobo Q. Fiendish isn't monster enough to admit being wrong. After checking some of the Almanacs, I can say with absolute surety that the ACTUAL answer is B, E, and the first letter F. I'll be mailing you a copy of my book, along with someone to read it to you. OR, if you prefer, I can send this specialized training course for the young urban male entitled 'Fonix N Shyte' so you can someday read it yourself... Heh.

Moving right along, we have the - no pun intended - enlightened input of Neige's pal Douja... Douja, while I admit it's easy to jump to conclusions regarding my ethnicity, let it be known - though in your case, quickly forgotten - that a couple jokes hardly qualifies me as a 'cracker'... You know, the same way that being in a couple matches doesn't necessarily make you a wrestler - but I digress. Just so that there's no hard feelings, I'm sending you this crisp ten-dollar bill which you can do with as you like... Whatever THAT may be, I couldn't guess - but I'm sure that it involves more matches than the Supercard...

Then comes Tiger... Must... Not... Laugh... While I am somewhat interested in doubling my pitiful salary at your little birthday party, I regretfully cannot accept the gig... I signed an exclusivity contract with DK which means I cannot perform at any other functions... Besides, the kid's got enough nightmares knowing he's part of your family without my Fiendish Balloon Animals... But in case you'd like to know the secret...

Bobo picks up a balloon, and brings it down onto a table with an overhand swing... The table breaks into pieces.

Sand. It makes them a little difficult to shape into duckies and bunnies, but they make up for that little drawback with sheer versatility... You'll find that, and other recipes, in my wildly successful book - Better Living Through Violence...

Say, aren't you worried that you'll be sued when people start using your tactics on each other?

Nope. See down there in the corner of the back cover? Right under my picture...

What the? You can hardly see it....

It only has to BE there, Kid... Heh.

Now to business.... Neige, while your choice of the few remaining meals you'll be able to nosh on non-intravenously is almost as puzzling as your choice of stable name, stable mates, and career; it's not going to make much difference when the bonechips fall where they may... See, in case you've been hanging around the fumes from your pal Potimus Grime and lost a little of that precious short-term memory, let me clue you in to the big picture...

That cage, with your BS anime gags aside, is going to be smeared with as much of your guts as I can stomp out. You DARE pit techniques you picked up watching cartoons against ME? It is to laugh. You think that BS Superkick is a move that can be called a Finisher in THIS day and age? Bah. Let me show you something... Oh BILL?

BILL: Yes?

You know about this 'Kick-that-goes-DOKE', yes?

BILL: Sure. Why?

You know it's really just a Superkick, yes?

BILL: Not so! A Superkick doesn't go DOKE...

....That's just sad. BILL, do you think you can do that move?

BILL: I suppose... Why?

Then do so. Right now...

BILL: You WANT me to kick you in the head? Really?

You betcha.

BILL: Gee, I dunno... I"M usually the one that gets the bumps...

I won't steal your job, BILL. I Promise. Now kick me.

BILL shrugs, and takes a three-step runup before unleashing a Superkick that would do Chris Addams or Shawn Michaels proud, if they knew the STWF existed. Bobo catches BILL by the foot and yanks him off his feet. BILL hits the ground chin-first, and Bobo - still holding on to BILL's leg - twists it in an anklelock.

BILL: Owww! Hey, that was neat... I never knew you - owww - could COUNTER moves...

Glad you enjoyed that, BILL... You'll probably LOVE this.

Bobo grasps BILL's other leg and steps back as he pivots. Bobo then swings BILL like a baseball bat over his head and onto the floor like a sledgehammer. He then pivots again, and swings BILL back to where he was... The sound - while not a DOKE - is similar to a bag of wet cement hitting a tile floor. BILL quivers a little from the horrendous bump and Bobo releases him.

Hank: HOLY SHYTE!

ThatGuy: I think BILL's dead....

BILL (sounding somewhat like Jar-Jar Binks): Izza peepil gunna die? Hurrr....Tee...

Hank: Nah, he'll be okay... I guess.

Now, that's just ONE thing that I have in mind for you, Neige... I call it The Human Rugbeater™, but I'm sure I can swap Human for Snowman... Heh. Just one of the little stops on Bobo's Wild Ride...

So take a little friendly advice from your ol' buddy Bobo... Pick a God and PRAY.

You're welcome... See you SOON.