What the hell am I doing out here? There hasn't been anyone in that warehouse for a long time... It's pointless. A waste of time and tape...

Kamera Kid sits down in the sparse grass of the lot, still grumbling...

    I mean, c'mon, nobody's been in there for MONTHS. Forget about it... The monster's long gone, no matter WHAT Der Kommisar says... YOW!

The Kid leaps up in surprise, and we see a hand poking out of the ground clutching a severely worn teaspoon.

    What the Jumped-Up-Christ-On-A-Pony?

The hand tosses the spoon aside, and beckons for the Kid to approach...

    I knew I should stop napping on work hours... That's gotta be it... This is a bad dream, and I'm snoozin' in the weeds...

The hand signs 'No', and then starts beckoning Kid to approach again.

    Yeah, okay... What the hell... I know this is a dream... So what can happen? What do you want, Thing?

The hand lunges up, and seizes Kamera Kid by the collar. Kamera Kid wets himself, and then is pulled under the earth.
 
    AAAAAAAAGH!!

    Hello, my intended...

    No, not you! You were GONE... You were GONE!

    That is not so... Observe. I have been busy crafting this tunnel to affect my escape...

    Escape? From what? You OWN that warehouse.
 
    True, but I sent my 'friend', and fellow Asylum Alliance Member, BILL to fetch something in the attic, and he let the basement door close... Apparently, his short term memory lapsed, and he forgot why he was in the warehouse, and simply went on about his business...

    Are you saying you've been stuck in your own basement for a couple MONTHS?

    No. I wasn't STUCK. I got out, see? It just... took a bit... Have I missed anything?

    I thought you had a live feed from the Flash...

    I do... In the LIVING ROOM. In the basement, all I have are my leftover Apocalypse Rations since the world didn't have the good sense to blow up on New Years Day...

    Lucky for you I have a pile of the Flashes on tape...

    Well, then go to a commercial while I get up to speed...

    This is Robert Stack, and tonight on Unsolved Mysteries we look into the strange disappearance of Bobo Q. Fiendish... Psychotic Monster... Mass Murderer... Best-selling Author.... Professional Wrestler... We'll examine the rise of this iconoclast, as well as the events leading up to his disappearance from the face of the earth shortly after the intense clash with hated enemy Neige Thirteen the Fighting Snowman at a Pay-Per-View event... Tonight, we ask the hard questions. Dig deeper than anyone ever has before, and perhaps understand this tragedy...

    Dig deeper, he says? It is to laugh... Where was his damn digging when I flippin' NEEDED it? And what the hell is this CRAP you have the audacity to pollute my VCR with, Kid...? These drawer-droppers make mumble-fishes like Doc Plants look like Shakespeare Majors... I mean, COME ON... The only good thing that happened since I was.... predisposed... was that Tub-O-Guts Mittens hanging it up. And what have I missed?

    Uh, Mr. Fiendish... That brings us up to the totally randomized elimination tournament for the Intergalactic Championship Mittens vacated...

    Uh huh... What sort of elimination...?

    Well, there's a whole BUNCH of three-man teams, and they face off until there's just one team left... THEN the winning team has a three-way dance to decide the whole thing... It's brilliant, actually...

    ........ What, like Battle Bowl back in the late-eighties?

    No! This is totally different!

    Fine. Kiss up to the brass all you want, then... I guess this means I'm on a team, yes?

    Uh... Yes...

    Fine. With whom?

    Uh... (ahem) Gary 'the Glutton' Gourmando...

    That fat bastard? Sheesh... I'd say I'd have to carry him, but he's a little too portly for that... So, I suppose I'll have to drag him by his Pig Feet through the rankings... But you said THREE men... I know Gary's a slightly evolved whale, but he's hardly enough flesh to count as two people... Well, two thin people, maybe - but I digress.... So, who else is on the team?

    I forget...

    Stop fidgeting... Sheesh. Who could it be that has you so upset?

    I'm not... I'm just worried that YOU'LL get upset...

    Me? I'm the most level-headed, calm, and collected person that ever dug himself out of his own basement... Who is it, already?

    Neige Thirteen...

    .............. What?

    The Fighting Snowman... Owner of the Neigeboard... Master of the Kick that Goes DOKE...

    ............... Who's writing this? Russo's retarded stepkid? Of all the contrived shortcuts to cheap heat....

    No, it was totally random! Really!

    Who did Doc Plants get?

    Two jobbers....

    The Jockeys?

    Two OTHER jobbers... I don't think it matters who, since he asked to be replaced so he could fight Neige Thirteen for the title...

    The one we're having the tourney for?

    Uh... I think so...

    Then why have the damn tourney?

    Well, we've done a lot of buildup between Neige and the Doc, so this would be a blow-off match...

    Well, we've been looking in the Smark Dictionary, haven't we?

    Uh-huh... It shows?

    Not as obviously as when Scott Hudsucker dropped 'Dusty Finish' a couple weeks ago....

    I thought you didn't have a TV in your basement...

    No, I said I didn't have the Flash Feed in the basement... Pay attention.

    So, what do you think of the tourney?
 
    Not much. I mean, why bother if we're gonna have the same ol' cookie-cutter Main Event...? Did Vinnie-Mack buy controlling interest in STWF while I was under the cold, cold, ground?

    Anything's possible... But I think I'd know if that happened...

    How so?

    I'd be on unemployment... I'm not related to Vinnie-Mack...

    Heh. Very well... I suppose I better shake off the rust and dust and get ready for the latest waste of the fan's money...

    Wait a sec... Aren't you going to make fun of everyone like you usually do?

    Nah. No sense calling a jackass by name... He knows what he is. I figure I've done enough to worry the quislings by reappearing...

    In short... The Angel of DEATH... MOST... EXALTED.... Has RETURNED.

    You're welcome... See you SOON.