THIS is going to cost some money to put right... Luckily, I happened to pass by the STWF the other day and got some fresh help. C'mon in, ladies...
Two pale looking goth-chicks come in, looking nervously about them...
Drucilla: I'm frightened... That big man makes me scared...
Pandora: Me too. I wish Lord Sexbat hadn't shooed me away...
QUIET!
Girls: EEK!
That's better. Listen, since I'm such a wonderful person, I saved you from the misery of a mundane existence... Unless you LIKED the lunch shift at Cinnabons?
The girls look down sadly.
Excellent... Now, look around... What do you see?
The girls scan about again, taking in the layers of dust and the poor lighting. They brighten visibly.
Drucilla: WOW!
Pandora: This is SO goth! All this impressive drear and dread... Look at those cobwebs in the corners!
The girls dance happily amidst the mess; pausing every so often to comment on how cool the place is... Bobo stares after them, and then shakes his head sadly...
Bummer... Looks like they're poor choices for housekeepers. But, since I paid them a week in advance, I may as well use them for something... But what?
I have a suggestion...
QUIET, you! This is a FAMILY show...
Whose family? Manson's?
......Moving right along, it seems that the refugee from 'Leave it to Beaver' still dares to delude himself into thinking he is my match. Now, normally, I would twist his head off and see if it was a winning cap - however, 'random drawing' has placed the two of us on the same side... Fine. I can do tag matches... Observe...
Bobo walks over to a stack of cinderblocks... He looks to the left, then the right, and fires off a thunderous palm-heel strike that shatters one of the blocks. Bobo turns back to the camera...
TAG. You're in the hospital... Heh.
Shouldn't you wait until you're actually cutting a promo to talk about the matches at CDC?
Who's cutting a promo?
WOW, then this is a shoot?
....Kid, what did I tell you about using those smark terms?
Sorry.... Couldn't help it...
Sigh...
Drucilla: WOW, you sigh so well! Certainly yours is a heavily-laden soul....
Pandora: YES! Like the sorrow of the blackest crow with no spirit to see to the other side...
.....What the HELL are you two blathering about?
Drucilla: We were just admiring how goth you are...
How what?
Pandora: Goth... You are obviously a brooding spirit that dwells in darkness... We feel your pain...
Drucilla: And are in AWE...
.....Are you two on crack?
Pandora: No, such things are not for the goth...
Drucilla: We prefer Abysinthe... It is suitable for goth consumption...
Gimme that crap!
Bobo snatches their bottle of Abysinthe and takes a gulp... He swishes it around like a wine-taster, and then spits it on the floor in disgust.
Mother of PEARL! What did you call that swill?
Drucilla: Abysinthe...
Well, I hate to break it to ya, kid, but that's just rotgut Night Train...
Pandora: Night Train? Night Train is goth... right?
Drucilla: I think so... It -does- have Night as part of it's name...
What did you two pay for that, just out of morbid curiosity...?
Pandora: Since Abysinthe is considered an illegal hallucinogen, it's cost is understandably dear....
I'm guessing more than two bucks a fifth?
Drucilla: Considerably more...
.......That's just sad. Well, girls, I run a drug-free shop, so lay off the sauce...
Speaking of running a shop, shouldn't you address the fans regarding Canada Day Chaos?
That's not a very smooth segue, Kid.... You in a hurry?
Nah, but I only got a two-hour tape in...
......Fine. Ready?
We've been rolling for weeks, Mr.Fiendish...
Alright then.... (ahem)
Hello, my intended....
As I look across the vast expanse of wasted flesh that is lined up for the cruel fate of being mauled by the Angel of DEATH Most EXALTED, all I can think of is the CRAVEN actions of The Despised.... Rather than risk getting their pretty little faces lumped up, they conspire to ROB the FANS for the sake of their own egos... The fans would love nothing better than to have the IG strap being EARNED through this dangerous tournament... HOWEVER, like the yellow cowards they are, they would render this contest moot by suddenly pulling out of the competition to squabble amongst each other for the belt that is supposedly the reason we're having the tourney in the first place... For all their hot-air regarding their rivalry, I haven't seen two people so OBVIOUSLY in cahoots with each other as the Dirty Boobie and Mr. Yellowsnow...
Well, I say NO. A vacant title is a vacant title, and tradition demands a tournament to decide who is next to gird themselves with it... You may whine, 'But, dude, I'm the number one contender... And I'm number two...' Well, that may be, but guess what? No CHAMP, means no CONTENDERS... Back to the ranks with you... Do not pass Go. Heh.
Therefore, assuming any of the fans can write, I suggest they take pen in hand and send postcards to the brass POSTE HASTE regarding their shabby treatment... If there is enough response, then we won't have to see Neige think of some other lame excuse to explain coming up short in aNOTHER match... Won't that be SPIFFY? The baddest demon in the universe, he says? It is to laugh... Listen, Snowbunny, if you think for one second you're anything but a sad joke to such as the man, the Myth, the MONSTER that is Bobo QUITE FIENDISH, then you're in for a ruder shock than your mom got when she saw you in the Maternity Ward...
You see, when they told you at wrestling school that you sucked all the oxygen out of the room every time you picked up the stick, they did NOT mean you were 'breathtaking'...
However, you got a lucky draw in the fact that the team you're on - despite the handicap of your membership - has what it takes to go all the way to the FINALS. The immense size and immovable defense of Gary Gourmand... The incomparable skill and physical POWER of the Angel of Death Most EXALTED... And as for your contribution, Sno-where Man...? I guess you can handle the whining if we lose... Heh.
You're welcome...
See you SOON.