Hello, my intended....

Look at this, why dontcha? For Chrissakes... How am I supposed to get to that damned Road Rules bus and set it on fire when there's THIS crap in the street...? Dammit. I suppose I'll have to involve myself...

Drucilla: But, Mr. Fiendish... It's DANGEROUS out there!

Bobo looks out at the scene, and huffs derisively.

Bah. You call THIS a riot...? Los Angeles... Now THAT was a riot.... Oh well. Pandora, please get the box marked 235 from the back, won't you?

Pandora pulls a large black box marked 'New Neighbor Kit' from a stack of boxes in the cargo area of Bobo's black Lumina APV and hands it to him. He pulls from it a set of steel-studded escrima sticks and a clear plastic body-suit.

Safety first, after all... Remember, we don't know where they've been....

Bobo quickly steps into the plastic suit, and zips it up. He then picks up the sticks and wades into the fray with a blur of rosewood... The bodies start flying at Bobo's gentle urging...

Break it up, you clowns! Yer ten cents holdin' up a dollar! Make flippin' WAY! Mr. Angel of Death Most Exalted has a ridiculous MTV series to cancel... Gangway! Don't worry, pal, the tooth fairy will pay you for those... One SIDE.

He reaches the center of the fray, and the paraders back away hissing like vampires from a cross.

Now, what the hell is going on here? You, in the angora, spill it snappy!

We're MAD.

Obviously. The question is... WHY?

We made Rump Ranger the Grand Marshall of our Gay Pride Parade...

...I guess Harvey Fierstein was busy, huh? Then what?

He... (sob) HAD A GIRLFRIEND!

What, right in front of everybody?

No, I don't mean he HAD her... It... It's just... We just feel BETRAYED!

By what?

Our hero's a BREEDER! (sob!)

.....What did you say?

A BREEDER! OOOG!

The angora clad spokesperson goes down in a spray of blood and teeth under a sharp baton crack from Bobo. The other marchers look ready to renew their assault, but Bobo pulls out a bullhorn.

SHAME on you! How DARE you maul this poor wretch for being DIFFERENT from you!? If there's ONE thing that Bobo Quite Fiendish does NOT tolerate, it's HATE crimes.

Guy dressed like Doris Day: HEY! No fair! You beat up people you hate all the TIME. OOOG!

True, but the difference is I beat them up for WHO they are, not WHAT they are. I'm EVIL, not a BIGOT. Go home right now and write three hundred words on how you can make the world a better place.

Bearded Guy in a Tutu: B-but... OOOG!

No BACKTALK! Hit the BRICKS. All of you! SHOO!

Fat Biker Chick: What about HIM? OOOG!

Bobo turns to see the badly battered form of Softcore Zack, naked and shivering in fright after his ordeal.

Dru! Box 329! Put some HUSTLE on it!

Drucilla promptly trots up and presents Bobo with the required parcel. Bobo opens it and unfolds a tightly compressed shipping crate... He lifts Zack, tosses him in, and then whistles... A UPS truck drives up, grabs the box, and departs.

He's going home... Like all of YOU should. And for stalling, you can all write 'I will not use derrogatory labels when describing people' a hundred times in ADDITION to your essays. Now SCRAM, and don't let me catch you doing this EVER again, or ELSE.

Bodybuilder Type: Or else WHAT? OOOG!

Any MORE questions?

Mob: No.

This pleases me. Skedaddle...

Strangely enough, they comply. Bobo slips carefully out of the plastic suit, and tosses it into a trashcan with the escrima sticks. He then marches back to the black Lumina, and gets back in...

Pandora: That was AMAZING.

Drucilla: Yeah! How you marched into that and turned away the angry mob...

Feh. Not the first riot I was on the other end of... And this lot was no Cell Block G-7. How much time did we lose?

Pandora: Eight minutes.

Damn! We'll have to change course to intercept that flippin' Winnebago...

Pandora: Why do you want to destroy the 'Road Rules' bus?

Ever notice how MTV keeps the CRAP shows on - such as the Real World - and cancels the GOOD shows - such as Sifl and Ollie?

Drucilla: Yeah.... So?

Well, I'm SICK of it, and I'm going to DO something about it... And if it means putting a gaggle of TDSTs to the sword, so be it...

Pandora: TDSTs?

Target Demographic Stereotypes... Y'know, a show full of the sort of people they want to watch it...?

Drucilla: Sort of like the STWF?

I suppose, if our target demographic is pinheads, weirdos and the occasional evil genius... That said, let's go catch a bus... Dora, the box marked 124... Make sure the contents are undamaged, if you please...

Pandora: Th-these are BAZOOKAS!

No, they're LAW Rockets... Wire-guided, with a heat-seeker fallback targeting system... The best money can buy. Heh. I should have the 50 caliber mini-gun in there, too, just in case any of them make it out of the bus after the initial barrage... It COULD happen... Those 'Bagos are hardy machines... Oh look, I think I see a hitchhiker...

Drucilla: Don't pick him up! He could be dangerous...

.....And who's this driving? C'mon, like we practiced...

Drucilla: The ANGEL of DEATH... MOST... EXALTED.

Atta girl... Have a cookie.

Drucilla munches the cookie happily as Bobo pulls over...

Where you goin', bud? Oh, geeze, it's YOU.

Thank GOD! I never thought I'd be happy to see YOU, but after they kicked me out of the Caddy during the escape to lighten the load... (sob) I thought I'd have to walk back to STWF HQ...

No problem, Kid... Into the van with you...

That's really nice of you, considering you're a horrible monster and all...

Yeah, well. I put it down for a matter of propriety... Can't have the COMMON people mauling STWF personnel... Not when it's MY JOB... Heh.

Pandora: Is that why you saved Zack?

YOU saved ZACK?

Yeah, well, I'll save ANYONE if I get to bludgeon the (censored) out of a whole parade...

YOU fought that LYNCH MOB?

Not really.... Just a few of the ones in front, and as any COP can tell you, a couple swats with a stout CUDGEL brings out the reasonable nature in most people... Even folks like THAT...

Homos?

PARADERS. Though I admit they held formation a lot longer than the Ringling Brothers crew... Heh.

You've done this before?

Well, let's just say that NOTHING is funnier than watching a little tiny car turn over and catch fire... Makes me wish I could actually laugh...

Well, since I'm here, what do you have to say to answer the allegations of Herb Romaine...?

I'm impressed... I never thought he had it in him...

What, answering your challenge?

No, being able to count to TEN. The kid has moxie, and I like that... I'll still DESTROY it, of course, but I LIKE it. Never let it be said that Bobo Q. Fiendish is one to neglect the efforts of the rookies... Y'know, kid, if you were facing any other team, you would probably have had a career... Oh well, spilt milk there; but I digress... Random drawing has left you with precious little assistance to back up your assertations, LETTUCE not forget.

While -I- have the Man-Mountain that is Gary Gourmand, YOU have a mime. At least nobody'll hear him yell for help when we teach him a new bit called Walking Against Impossible Odds on TWO BROKEN LEGS... While -I- have the reportedly skilled Ninja Snowman O Ki Wanna DOKE,  YOU have Mister Sister the One-Man Prom... Where -I- am the ANGEL of DEATH... MOST... EXALTED.... you are the 'Salad Shooter' (you have my permission to use that... Heh). Seems a little lopsided when you examine it with the benefit of FACTS, doesn't it?

So, the only question that should be on the fan's minds should be, 'I wonder who's gonna face Bobo's crew in the NEXT round?' That is, unless they're retarded, or YOUR fans - though that DOES seem a little redundant, when you think of it... Heh. Don't worry about it, Herb... EVERYBODY needs to learn their limitations...

YOU get to learn YOURS at CDC... It'll be a BIG CLASS, too. Your instuctor will be none other than the Man, the Myth, the MONSTER that IS Bobo QUITE FIENDISH...

You're Welcome... See you SOON.