In Stereo....

The Phone Call

Bobo Fiendish is sitting in his dressing room at the (censored) Canada Day Chaos, wondering - much like everyone else - whether the show will start before Y3K. A call comes through on the cell-phone, and Bobo answers it...

Hello, my intended...

What? Are you kidding? (Censored) is re-opening? Yeah, I know I have their Pan-Galactic Belt... It's one of at least a DOZEN belts I've retired... Yet another meaningless accolade, as far as I'm concerned... What? SEXBAT's in (censored)? Are you joking? Still pissed off about me hiring those girls that week, huh? Christ he should THANK me for giving him a little heat... Nobody even knew he EXISTED until I started in on the putz. Knuckledragger? XEROX COPY? That little so and so! After all the years I've been in this sport, THIS is the thanks I get!? (CENSORED)!

Bobo hangs up the phone, and spins to face the camera....

NOW we officially have an UNHAPPY BOBO.

Wes, you MORON, I would think that you'd be better off throwing your life away at the MALL, but it seems that's not happening fast enough for you... FINE. Since I'm not exactly fantasically busy ripping the roster at (censored) to shreds for this Canadian Thing, I guess I can stroll on over to (censored) and beat the hell out that bunch of DINKS again... Assuming any of them are LEFT, of course. What do they have over there these days? I retired Voss... I retired Neige TWICE... And if I can ever get that quack Plants to step up, I got a nice BEATING STRAIGHT OUT OF THE BUSINESS for him that's still got the styrofoam PEANUTS on it. The only thing POSSIBLE is that the rest of these stiffs in this cheap 'Stranded in Canada' podunk promotion decide to moonlight over there at (censored) just to have something to DO. Personally, I think I see a merger in the works... This pleases me. After all, both promotions will shortly have the same CHAMPION, so it stands to reason...

ALSO fine. I don't think it matters WHAT flag flies over the ring, folks... It'll be at HALF-MAST after the MATCH, regardless! Hope the bellringer at (censored) has his Ten-Count practiced... Heh. Let's examine the (Must... Not... Laugh...) matchup between Sexbat and myself.

I have been Champion in so many feds that belts don't even interest me anymore... Sexbat may or may not have any interest in belts, and I'm sure that any interest he DOES have tones down a skosh when he hears that these belts don't come with matching pumps or purse.
I have spent YEARS honing my craft.Years in dojos. Years in institutions. Years in wrestling. Years in that damp little 4 by 6 cell in the prison basement...Sexbat, on the other hand, has spent years honing something ELSE, and personally, I'm kinda surprised he isn't blind by now...
I am known far and wide for my combination of styles in the squared circle... I am equal parts Technician, Shooter, Power, Aerial, and Hardcore that can only be defined as the OMEGA SUPREME. I have a won-loss record of 245-2-23 that spans ELEVEN feds and FOUR years. Sexbat, on the other hand, is known for.... Uh... Well, you get the idea.

The real question, I think, is why? Why, so soon after actually getting IN the business would this mock-Latin-spewing refugee from a Rice novel want to be PUT OUT OF IT? Who cares? You fans want to see me wring all the juice outta this little mallrat like a DISHRAG? Fine! I remember having an open contract in (censored)... Sure, the wrestlers there signed the names of OTHER wrestlers, but that changes NOTHING. Bobo Fiendish gave his WORD that as long as there WAS a (censored), he would take whomever was stupid enough to step up.

Admittedly, when (censored) closed I figured that promise was behind me, but since (censored) exists again so does the PROMISE.

You fans are worthy of a Champion with the skill, the will, and most importantly the stones to BACK UP what he says... One promotion already HAS this, and once we get the show started at the OTHER one, then they BOTH will. And, as an added laugh, they'll be the same GUY...

You're WELCOME. See you SOON.