Hello, my intended....

As you can see, I possess the FTA Championship... Yay. Further, I am being forced to carry ALSO this Atlantic Regional Strap... This indignity being foisted upon me by the 'powers that be' certainly makes the fans happy... Yay. However, it doesn't make ME happy, and we ALL know how much fun an ANGRY BOBO is to have around.... This is a harsh lesson that the current Tag Team Champs - the Xerox Mob - will learn to their SORROW... Gas Chamber and myself are the two FOUNDING members of this FED, and these upstarts with their sincerest form of flattery presume to be able to contend with the DOUBLE DEATH SENTENCE that is the DARK STARS? It is to laugh....

We've seen that their 'big man', the incomparable Fat Albert, wasn't able to beat EITHER myself OR Gas Chamber... As for the little fella, the General Dork; he's not even as good as the Fatboy, since he doesn't wrestle in SINGLES MATCHES... Somehow, we are expected to believe that these two sorry goofballs are able to take such as US? Heh. Well, if any of you fans are listening, listen CLOSELY... Buy ALL the Dark Forces merchandise you CAN, because when GC and myself DAMAGE THESE Goods, there's not going to BE anymore Dark Forces... I PROMISE.

Well, I know what you're all wondering... Why on earth did I intervene on behalf of Babble? Which I admit is a good question, but you'd have to be a dope to not know the answer... As long as Verbal has the Heavyweight Strap, instead of that sadly deluded Fake Tiger, I know EXACTLY where it IS, and can go TAKE it at my liesure...

However, first things first.... The Dark Stars have a little bit of a score to settle with the IMPOSTORS... A little more GOLD to put the grab on... Babble can wait, and he WILL... He should be thanking me for giving him an extra week to LIVE, but since he's such a ridiculous popinjay, he'd rather talk some crap and try and run away... In effect STEALING the Heavyweight Strap by RETIRING rather than facing the Angel of Death Most Exalted FOR it... Well, that's not going to happen. I'm going to give that bum the beating of his SHORT life... AGAIN.

But not just yet... The fans are starting to finally warm up to the loudmouth, and rather than bring about his highly desired assisted suicide, I figured I'd give the fans someone else to cheer for... Temporarily... You see, I have bigger fish to fry... Well, FATTER fish, but why split hairs?

Wassup, Bo? On a rant?

Well, GC, some things make me a little... UNHAPPY.

Wha? U mean that match we got wit that fatboy an his kid sister? No sweat, Bo. They ain't got a CHANCE, and nobody is DUM enuff 2 think anythin else... We the 2 guys that DESTROYED the 2EWO, and built dis thing that people buy all doze tickets 2 from the ASHES... Nobody has come close 2 doin anythin on our level, and wit U and me on th same TEAM, there ain't 2 guys in the WORLD that can take us, nah mean?

As ever, GC, you are the voice of reason... Thank you.

No prob, Bo... Hell, remember those Puerto Ricans that had the belts? The Hip Replacements? All we did was PLAN on being a team, and the bolz RETIRED. These 2 that r holdin the straps 4 us right now ain't got no idea what they're gettin in the ring WIT, nah mean? But U an me, we gonna SHOW these bolz, and anybody else thatz WATCHIN what the DOUBLE DEATH SENTENCE has 4 them... Aint nobody BUT these 2 marks that even RESEMBLES a team... What they got? Nothin. Who gonna team up to fight US? Smokey and Phag Phil? Pooch and FatFlunky? Gerbil an that All-No? The MARINES? C'mon... Deze bolz are gonna have to remove the Tag Belts from the picture, cuz we won't have nobody to fight once we put an end 2 these Dork Faces...

All too true, GC... But we have to bring out our special guest... Yurine? Could you get our special guest?

Right away, Mr. Fiendish...

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????

What the hell U do 2 that guy, Bo? His brain break? I thought he hated U, and now I see this 'Mr. Fiendish' stuff?

Nothing out of the ordinary, GC... He lost that match to that Marine, and ever since, he's been all nicey-nicey... He's even losing the accent... It's pretty weird - even for him. Not that I don't see through it, of course...

Thru what, Bo?

Remember when he lost to me? The stips were that he was to be my valet until I release him... Obviously, he's trying to 'kill me with kindness'... It's pretty entertaining, in a Forrest Gump kinda way...AH! Here's the guest of honor.... The esteemed President of the NWF...

THYSANDRA!

Hi, Mr.Man...

Are you alright, sweetheart? They haven't hurt you, have they?

No. Uncle Bobo would never hurt me... He's taking care of me until my daddy comes back... Uncle Bobo and my daddy are friends...

Friends?

Uh-huh... But not like Uncle Fuego, or Uncle Jimmy were my daddy's friends... Uncle Bobo says that they're not fit to look after me... They can't protect me like Uncle Bobo can... NOBODY messes with Uncle Bobo - unless they wanna get beat up... Uncle Bobo says that only silly people WANT to get beat up, and I don't want somebody silly taking care of me...

What the hell are you filling her head with, you demented monster?

Now, now, Mr. President... Children need education... They're our FUTURE, after all... Heh.

Yeah. Uncle Bobo has been teaching me LOTS of stuff... Just this morning he was showing me something called Jew Tissue... He says I'm his best student EVER.

You're teaching a little girl Jiu Jitsu? Are you insane?

Last time I checked.... Boss. Tell Mr.Man WHY Uncle Bobo is teaching you Jew Tissue, Sandy...

Uncle Bobo says I need to know how to protect myself in case someone tries to take me away... Uncle Yuri is okay as a babysitter - even though I'm not really a baby - but in case somebody gets past him and Uncle Bobo isn't here, I can keep the bad people from taking me away... Yesterday, when we were at the mall, some lady from someplace bad called Human Services tried to take me away with her, but I didn't go...

What did you do instead, Sandy?

Uncle Bobo, you know what I did... You saw it.

I know, sweetness, but Mr.Man didn't see, and neither did the people in TVLand...

Oh. Okay. Uncle Bobo said that I gave the bad lady a dislocated verty-bray - that's a bone in your neck, Uncle Bobo says -, and a BIG Ow-ie when I made her head hit the metal bench in the Food Court... Then Uncle Chamber put her in a big bag and took her away to where bad people have to go.... Then we had ice cream and saw Star Wars... It was fun. Except for Jar Jar... He was STUPID...

Oh, Lord...

Anyway... BOSS... We were going to discuss weighty matters... Sandy?

Yes, Uncle Bobo?

Be a good girl and go play in the other room with Uncle Yurine...

Uncle YURI, Uncle Bobo...

That's right... I keep forgetting... Run along now... Show him what you learned this morning...

'Kay. Bye, Mr.Man... Hey, Uncle Yuri!

What is it, little one? OH, NO! AAAAARGH! GET HER OFF! AAAAAA!

There, let's just close the door and be about grown-up stuff.... That's nice... Now, BOSS, I guess you've heard all the allegations floating around that you and I are in cahoots a la Vinnie Macs dog and pony show... I invited you to address these rumors...

Ahem... Simply put, various people feel that because you've had success, and they haven't, it's due to me... Unmitigated, unsubstantiated balderdash... I don't particularly LIKE you, Fiendish... Never HAVE. But, since the fans have such a fascination with the death and danger you represent, I've given them what they want by letting you run free... You've met or exceeded any worst case scenario I've surmised... Aside from getting us kicked out of the odd STATE, you've carved a path of destruction that not only alienates every other member of the fed, but makes me a goddamn ACCESSORY to the sick crap you DO. The lawyers are doing twenty-hour days to maintain a degree of plausible deniability that keeps ME out of jail... And to top off all THAT, I have to listen to the sorry WHINING of people that think you and me are FRIENDS! I wouldn't inflict my life on a hated ENEMY... And YOU'RE the goddamn ROOT of it all! I think God sent you to desensitize me for HELL!

Calm down, Prez... Ur gonna bust a gasket... Lets just say its not true, nah mean? Take a breather... Deep breaths... Out wit de bad air... In wit de good... Thassit.

My family DISOWNED me... None of my friends will talk to me... Sure, we make money hand over fist, but what GOOD is it?

Uh, u can still exchange it 4 goods and services...

That's not what I MEANT! Money is just dirty paper... I'm all ALONE and everybody HATES me because of YOU LOT! And now people think that I'm hanging out WITH you, so they stay even FURTHER away... I could KILL those SCUM for saying such CRAP... Besmirtching my character... And as for that stupid refugee from Planet Kellogg's that has the nerve to proclaim himself the CEO, I hope the D.I. friggin' KILLS HIM... In fact, if he DOES, I'll DOUBLE his goddamn SALARY... Between you evil sumbitches and the freakshow that follows Gunther FRIGGIN' Addams around, I've begun to ponder whether I should just shut everything down...

Heh. With the collective fanbase of the guys in the fed? All with MONEY? It is to laugh...

Yea. Besides, Prez, everyone dat counts themselves as a fan couldn't possibly hate U... There's thousands of people out there that thank God - or whoever - every day that you were crazy enough to gather up guys like us in the first place... PLUS, there's all the people ur savin by having us monsters fight each other instead of roamin the streets, G... U think THEY hate u? I don't, nah mean? Sure, we get a little outta hand sometimes, but what we DO do - tho it seems pretty messed up - is nothin compared 2 what we could b doin, and when u c it like dat, it all comes inta perspective, nah mean?

See, folks? GC is one of the most level-headed and forward thinking people that ever hijacked a bus full of tourists...

Thanks, Bo... I'm blushin under the mask... I think...

No, thank YOU... So you see, BOSS, you've learned the Helpful Hint of the Day... 'You might get by with a little help from your friends, but it's the guys you HATE that bring in the BIG BUCKS...'

That is SO disturbing on SO many levels...

The truth usually is, BOSS... But that's the NEXT Helpful Hint... Can't get ahead of ourselves, now can we? GC, pry Sandy off of Yurine so the big red dope can drive the Prez back to the office while I put the blindfold back on him...

Sure, Bo... And we'll go over some of the moves these Big Fakes are gonna get put through when I make history as the first 2-time TAG CHAMP, nah mean? All the Gold will be where it BELONGS damn soon, and balance will b restored 2 the universe...

Getting a little philosophical, aren't you? Isn't that MY bag?

Oh yeah... Sorry, Bo... I mean, we're 'bout 2 rip these mutts into shreds and feed the pieces 2 RATS... And THEN feed the rats 2 SNAKES... YA!

That's more like it... Ah... So you see, folks, once again we prove that if it's a friend of Babble's, or Babble himself, take whatever they say with the BIGGEST darn grain of salt you can get your hands on... They're pathological liars, all... And as for the Xerox Mob and the Big DANCE on Saturday.... Well, you'll get a VERY special gift.... A DAMN fine, old-fashioned BEATING courtesy of the Angel of Death Most Exalted, and the GAS CHAMBER...

You're welcome... See you SOON.