Recently I attended a porton of a new workshop developed by Elisabeth Marshall called H.E.A.R.T Seminars. The workshop consists of several exercises which deal with grounding energy in the body. One of the exercises, called the pelvic thrust, consists of thrusting the pelvis back and forth while breathing deeping and using the knees to lower and lift the body.

Each participant was asked to look at their reaction to the exercises and the reason for the reaction. When asked what I was feeling I replied I was very tired. Marshall responded that perhaps I was resisting the exercises. She said, "The exercises are for grounding and should result in more energy."

To discover the reason for my reaction, I was asked to be quiet, breath deeply, and go inward to find the answer. The answer came almost immediately, although I did not want to accept it. I was afraid of physical activiity as a result of an operation I had on my chest at age two. While in recovery I strained to get out of the restraints that help me down, and pulled the intravenous tube out of my ankle. This was extremely painful, and the scar remains sensitive.

I did not want to accept this simple answer. I thought there had to be some dark secret that was the real cause of of my dislike of physical acttivity. I gradually became aware of my eyes wanting to cry although I was unaware of any emotion. I had to accept that the answer was simply I was reluctant to do any physical activitiy because I had memory of pain.

As a result of the seminar, I became aware of the psychological reactions I had to that surgery, in addition to the history. These effects were not a part of my awareness, at least not consciously. Another result of the workship was knowing I can do something about this reaction. I must take my body into account whenever I do anything physical. At times I need to push my body to do things, while at other times I need to relax and allow my body to be nurtured. I have to strive for balance. This struggle for balance is something I will deal with for quite a while. But then, seeking balance may be what growth is all about.