PART 11 of 12
- 251. Use human means as though divine ones didn't exist, and divine means as though there were no human ones.
A great master* gave that advice, and it requires no comment.
*[Saint Ignatius of Loyola (1491-1556), founder of the Society of Jesus]
- 252. Live neither entirely for yourself nor entirely for others.
It is a vulgar sort of tyranny. If you want to belong entirely to yourself, you'll want everything for yourself. Such people don't know how to yield, even in the smallest things, or give up even a tiny bit of their own comfort. They never win other people's favor; they trust in their fortune, and acquire a false sense of security. It is good to belong to others at times so that others can belong to you. If you hold public office, you must be a public slave. Either bear the burden or give up the berth, as the old woman said to Hadrian. Some people belong entirely to others, for foolishness always deals in excess, and this is a very unhappy sort of excess. They have not a day, not an hour to call their own, so completely do they give themselves to others. This is true even in matters of understanding. Some people know everything for others and nothing for themselves. If you are prudent, you will understand that people seek you not for your own sake but for their own. What interests them is what you can do for them.
- 253. Don't express your ideas too clearly.
Most people think little of what they understand, and venerate what they do not. To be valued, things must be difficult : if they can't understand you, people will think more highly of you. To win respect, make yourself seem wiser and more prudent than is required by the person you are dealing with. But do so with moderation. Intelligent people value brains, but most people demand a certain elevation. Keep them guessing at your meaning, and don't give them a chance to criticize you. Many praise without being able to say why. They venerate anything hidden or mysterious, and they praise it because they hear it praised.
- 254. Don't scorn an evil because it is a small one,
for they never come alone, but always in a chain, as does happiness. Fortune and misfortune are usually drawn to where they already abound. Most people flee from the unfortunate and draw near the fortunate. Even doves, for all their simplicity, fly to the whitest dovecote. The unfortunate person has nothing : he is lacking himself, his reason, and any sort of consolation. Don't awaken unhappiness when it is asleep. A slip means little at first, but then comes the fatal, endless fall. For just as no good was ever completely fulfilled, no bad was ever completely over. Face heaven-sent misfortune with patience and the earthly sort with prudence.
- 255. Know how to do good.
A little bit at a time, but often. Don't bestow more favor on someone than he can return. He who gives much doesn't give; he sells. Don't exhaust the gratitude of others. When grateful people are unable to respond, they break off the correspondence. To lose them, you have only to place them too greatly in your debt. When they don't want to pay, they draw away, and turn into enemies. The idol doesn't want to see the sculptor who carved him, and the person who receives a favor would rather lose sight of the person who did it. So learn this subtle lesson about giving : if the gift is to be appreciated, it should be much desired but cost little.
- 256. Be prepared.
For the rude, the stubborn, the vain, and for all sorts of fools. There are many of them, and prudence lies in avoiding them altogether. Make a few resolutions each day before the mirror of your prudence, and you will fend off their attacks. Use some foresight, and don't risk your reputation to vulgar happenstance. The person armed with prudence will not be attacked by folly. Human relations are full of sharp reefs where your reputation can run aground. the safest way is to change course, asking Ulysses for cleverness. This is where artful evasion comes in. And above all, use generosity and courtesy, the shortest way out of difficulty.
- 257. Stop short of breaking off, or your reputation will be shattered.
Anyone makes a good enemy, but not everyone can be a good friend. Few can do good, and almost everyone bad. The day he broke with the beetle, even the eagle didn't feel safe nestling in the bosom of Jupiter. [An allusion to Aesop's fable.] Say things too abruptly and you will stir up the wrath of hypocrites, who were waiting for their chance. Friends whom you have offended make the bitterest enemies : to their own pet fault they add all of yours. When others observe us splitting up with someone, they speak as they feel and feel as they desire. They criticize our behavior either at the beginning of the friendship (for lack of providence) or at the end (for having waited so long). If you can't help but part company, do it gently and excusably, with a slackening of favor rather than a violent outburst. This is where the maxim about a fine withdrawal [Aphorism 38] comes in handy.
- 258. Look for someone to help bear your misfortunes.
You will never be alone, not even in risky situations, and you won't have to bear all the hatred of others. Some people want to take charge of everything and all they do is take all the criticism. So have someone that can pardon you or help you bear hardship. Neither fortune nor the rabble are as quick to attack two people. Physicians, having mistaken the cure, are not mistaken to consult someone else who can help them carry the coffin. They share the weight and the sorrow, for misfortune borne alone is doubly intolerable.
- 259. Foresee affronts and turn them into favors.
It is wiser to avoid them than to avenge them. It is a great skill to turn a potential rival into a confidant. Those who would have attacked your reputation become its protectors. It is valuable to know how to place others in your debt and transform insult into gratitude. To turn sorrows into pleasures is to know how to live. Make malevolence itself your confidant.
- 260. You can't belong entirely to others, and no one can be entirely yours.
Blood relations are not enough, nor friendship, nor even the most pressing sense of obligation; for it is very different to give someone your heart and to give him your will. Even the closest union has its exceptions. No matter how close you are to someone, the laws of politeness are in order. We keep one secret or another from our friend, and even a son does not reveal everything to his father. You withhold from some the things you communicate to others, and vice versa, so that you confess everything and withhold everything, depending on your confidant.
- 261. Don't persist in folly.
Some people commit themselves to their errors. They act mistakenly and consider it constancy to go on that way. Deep inside, they accuse themselves; but they excuse themselves to everyone else. When they began to act foolishly, people thought them careless; when they continue to do so, they are confirmed as fools. Neither the promise carelessly given nor the mistaken resolution should bind us forever. Some people prolong their stupidity and press forward with their shortsightedness. They want to be faithful fools.
- 262. Know how to forget.
It takes more luck than skill. The things that should most be forgotten are the ones most easily remembered. Not only does memory behave basely, not coming forward when it is needed, it is also foolish, for it comes to us when it shouldn't. It is prolix when it can give us pain, and careless when it can give us pleasure. Sometimes the best remedy for troubles is to forget them, but we forget the remedy. Let us train the memory and teach it better manners, for it can give us heaven or hell. Self-satisfied people never care about this -- in their silly innocence they are always happy.
- 263. Many pleasant things are better when they belong to someone else.
You can enjoy them more that way. The first day, pleasure belongs to the owner; after that, to others. When things belong to others, we enjoy them twice as much : without the risk of losing them, and with the pleasure of novelty. Everything tastes better when we are deprived of it; even someone else's water seems like nectar. Having your own things diminishes enjoyment, and increases your annoyance : at having to lend them, or not lend them. When you have things, you are really maintaining them for others, and more enemies will benefit from them than friends.
- 264. Don't have days when you are careless.
Sometimes Luck likes to play a practical joke, and it will seize any opportunity to catch you off guard. Intelligence, prudence, courage, and even wisdom have to be ready for the test. The day they feel most confident will be the day they are most discredited. Caution is always most lacking when it is most needed. " I never though of it" is what trips us up and casts us down. Those who observe us carefully use this stratagem, catching our perfections off guard as they scrutinize and take stock of us. They know the days on which we display our gifts; on those days cunning pays no heed. They choose the day we least expect to put us to the test.
- 265. Get those who depend on you into tough situations.
A risky situation, at the right moment, has made many people into true persons : it is when you are drowning that you learn to swim. In this way many discovered what they were worth and how much they knew, and all this would otherwise have remained buried in timidity. Difficult situations give us the chance to win renown, and when a noble person finds his honor at risk, he can do more than a thousand others. This lesson (like so many others) was known very well by Isabel, the Catholic monarch, and to this timely favor, the Great Captain owes his renown, and many others their eternal fame. In this subtle way, she made great men.
- 266. Don't be bad by being too good.
You will be, if you never get angry. Those who feel nothing are not really people. They don't always act that way out of insensitivity but often out of stupidity. To feel strongly, when circumstances call for it, makes you a person. Even birds poke fun at scarecrows. To alternate the bitter with the sweet shows good taste : sweetness alone is for children and fools. It is a great evil to be so insensible that you lose yourself by being good.
- 267. Silken words, delivered gently.
Arrows go through the body : bad words, through the soul. A good lozenge makes the mouth smell good. To sell air is a subtle skill. Most things are paid for in words, and they alone can get you out of an impossible situation. When people are puffed up or have their heads in the clouds, you can use air to deal with them. The breath of a sovereign is especially persuasive. Have your mouth full of sugar, and make words into candy even your enemies will like. The only way to be loved is to be gentle and pleasant.
- 268. The wise do sooner what fools do later.
Both do the same; all that differs is the when. The former act at the right moment, the latter at the wrong. If you start out by putting your intelligence on backward, you'll do everything else that way : trample under foot what you should have kept in your head, turn right into left, and act left-handedly. There is only one good way to see the light : as soon as possible. Otherwise, you do out of necessity what you might have done with pleasure. The wise size up immediately what has to be done, sooner or later, and do it with pleasure, enhancing their reputation.
- 269. Take advantage of your novelty.
You will be esteemed as long as you are new. Novelty pleases everyone because of its variety. Our taste feels refreshed. A brand-new mediocrity is more high regarded than an extremely talented person to whom we have grown accustomed. When eminences mingle with us they age more quickly. And remember that the glory of novelty lasts little. In four days people will lose their respect for you. Take advantage of the first fruits of esteem, and as they flee, snatch whatever you can. Once the warmth of novelty has died away, passion grows cold, and pleasure turns to irritation. Never doubt that all things had their season, and passed away.
- 270. Don't be the only one to condemn what is popular.
There has to be something good about it, for it pleases so many, and -- however inexplicably -- is enjoyed. Eccentricity is always odious : when wrong, ridiculous. Scorn something that is popular and you'll be scorned yourself, and left alone with your bad taste. If you don't know how to find what's good, hide your dullness, and don't condemn things en masse; for bad taste is usually born from ignorance. What everyone says either is or wants to be.
- 271. If you know little, stick to what is surest in each profession.
They may not consider you ingenious, but they'll think you solid. The person who knows can take risks and indulge his fantasy, but if you take risks knowing nothing, you will fall voluntarily. Keep to the right; what is tried and tested cannot fail. For those who know little, the main highway. Whether you know or don't, sureness is safer than eccentricity.
- 272. Add courtesy to the price of what you're selling : you will make others feel more obliged.
The selfish person's request is no match for the gift of the generous and grateful. Courtesy doesn't simply give, it binds others. And gallantry makes us feel more obliged still. For a noble person, there is nothing more expensive than what is given to him free. You sell it twice and at two different prices : its own worth and that of courtesy. To the villainous, gallantry is gibberish, for they do not understand the language of good breeding.
- 273. Understand the characters of the people you are dealing with in order to penetrate their intentions.
When you know the cause, you know the effect. The effect tells us the motive. The melancholy person always forecasts unhappiness, and the gainsayer, faults. They think only of the worst, and, overlooking the good that is present, they announce the evil that is possible. The person swayed by passion cannot speak of things as they are : passion speaks in him, not reason. Each person speaks according to his emotion or his humor, and all are far from the truth. You should know how to decipher a face and spell out the lettering of somebody's soul. Know that the person who is always laughing is a fool, and the one who never laughs is false. Be careful of the person who is always questioning you, either because he asks too much or because he carps and scruples. Expect little good from the person with a nasty face. These people like to avenge themselves on nature, because she honored them so little. A person is usually as foolish as he is beautiful.
- 274. Be charming.
It is a wise sort of bewitchment. Let charm and courtesy capture the goodwill of others, and also their services. It isn't enough to have merit if you don't please others -- this is what makes people praise you, and acclaim is the most useful instrument we have for ruling others. You are fortunate if others find you charming, but this must be helped by artifice, which works best when natural gifts are present. Charm leads to benevolence and, eventually, universal favor.
- 275. Row with the current, but preserve your dignity.
Don't always look grave or annoyed. It is a sort of courtesy. You must yield a bit of your decorum to win popular favor. At times you can take the path of the many, but do so without losing dignity : the person taken for a fool in public will not be taken for a wise man in private. More is lost on a day of joking than was won with years of total gravity. Don't always be the odd man out. To be eccentric is to condemn others. And don't be squeamish and oversensitive; that is for women. Even squeamishness in spiritual matters is ridiculous. The best part of being a man is to seem like one. Women can imitate masculine qualities, but men shouldn't imitate women.
ON TO APHORISMS 276-300