Well, before you read this you might want to know some of the background of this story.  First off, this story was born on the Trek Wars Graffitti Wall over the course of thirty-five and a half insane hours.  As such, this story is not credited entirely to me, it is the creation of all the regulars on that wall who decided to participate, and, unfortunately, I must include the flamers James and Tim for initiating this story.

Now to put it in cotext.  The HVI Cannon is the creation of this wall and is basically a railgun intended to be used to launch flamers such as James and Tim at nearby Star Destroyers.  It basically runs off the concept that if you accelerated a can of raviolli up to near-light speeds it would do the same thing upon impact with the ship.

Lastly, at the time of this story there was a small rendering contest going on to see who could create the best Star Trek / Star Wars / Trek Wars 3D image.  Up until this point I was the only one to submit an image and this was started to convince others to try to keep me from winning by default.

(p.s. Near the end I moved two of the posts around (you can tell by the time stamp on each post) because they didn't quite fit in where the poster decided to put them.  I only moved them a short distance to straighten everything out.)

(p.p.s. 3D artwork by Forge)

More ammo for the HVI cannon! Two more Super Star Destroyers will die soon! ;-)  Scottty <[email protected]>  - Thursday, May 06, 1999 at 08:17:34 (MDT)

(click-whirr....) TDK boots up the HVI Canon. (system initialized. AI booting up. WARNING!! system bios compromised by foreign code!! Command algorythms taken over. Autoloader activated) The HVI Canon autoloader picks up a kicking, screaming TDK and stuffs it into the loading breech and slams it shut. Hidden in the shadows, Darth Render smiles. "At last I shall reveal myself to the Wall. At last I shall have revenge! TDK will NOT win the rendering contest by default! Hmm.. must keep that twerp locked up in the canon for 8 more days......"  Zapper  - Thursday, May 06, 1999 at 12:06:34 (MDT)

A cursory scan of the surrounding area shows a concentration of the Neophytus Ignorami, subspecies Moronica, in their travelling herd more commonly called the 'cesspool'. Bonzo, seeing a chance to strike a blow for humanity, aims the 'smart' TDK bomb at the pool and arms the launcher. [end of current episode. Must wait until next week for conclusion]  Bonzo the Fifth <[email protected]>  - Friday, May 07, 1999 at 00:01:35 (MDT)

Uhhhhh... Forge, is that cannon aiming at you? I think I have to get something out of the car. [Sound of running, car door, and squealing tires]. 'Ha, sucker! He didn't even notice the Nebraska sign I planted on his back.' Now I will rule the world!!!!!!!!!! Wait a minute... is my internal monologue being read by everyone? Uhhh, think heroic thoughts, think heroic thoughts....  Bonzo the Fifth <[email protected]>  - Friday, May 07, 1999 at 13:06:15 (MDT)

That's HVI. The High Velocity Idiot Canon. We use it once in a while on the board whenever a member of Neophytus Ignorami pops up. They are loaded into the weapon and fired at nearby asteroids, attacking starships, etc.. It is a great psychological weapon. Nothing strikes more fear and terror into the hearts of warrior races than the prospect of having one's ship destroyed by the impact of a high velocity idiot...  Forge  - Friday, May 07, 1999 at 15:51:04 (MDT)