MAN'S GUIDE TO WHAT A WOMAN IS REALLY SAYING:

     CAN'T WE JUST BE FRIENDS?
     there is no way in hell I'm going to let any part of your body
     touch any part of mine again

     I JUST NEED SOME SPACE
     without *you* in it

     DO I LOOK FAT IN THIS DRESS?
     we haven't had a fight in a while

     NO, PIZZA'S FINE
     you cheap SOB!

     I JUST DON'T WANT A BOYFRIEND NOW
     I just don't want *you* as a boyfriend now

     I DON'T KNOW; WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO?
    I can't believe you have nothing planned

     COME HERE
     my puppy does this too

     I LIKE YOU, BUT
     I don't like you

     YOU NEVER LISTEN
     you never listen

     WE'RE MOVING TOO QUICKLY
     I'm not going to sleep with you until I find out if this guy at
     the gym has a girlfriend

     I'LL BE READY IN A MINUTE
     I'm ready, but I'm going to make you wait because I know you
     will

     OH, NO, I'LL PAY FOR MYSELF
     I'm just being nice; there is no way I'm going dutch

     OH YES!!! RIGHT THERE
     well, near there; I just want to get this over with

     I'M JUST GOING OUT WITH THE GIRLS
     We're gonna get sloppy and make fun of you and your friends