JOKES
KNOW UR ROLE SHUT UR MOUTH AND READ THESE JOKES
WHY DO ABO'S DRIVE FERRARIS? TO BEAT THE SEGULLS TO THE RUBBISH TIP
WHAT DO U CALL AN ABORIGINAL WITH DANDRUFF? LAMINGTON
BLONDE JOKES
Once a blonde went to get her hair cut, but she
was wearing headphones. The stylist said, 'You
gotta take off your headphones or I cant cut
your hair!'
The blonde said, 'No! I can't! I'll just DIE
without them!'
So the stylist just sighed, and cut the ends of
her hair until she fell asleep, the stylist said
to herself, 'I'll just take these off her to cut
her hair. She won't notice.'
So the stylist did just that. After about 3
minutes, the blond fell out of the chair, dead.
The stylist said, 'I wonder what could have
possibly killed her?! Maybe it had something to do
with the headphones.'
She took the blonde's headphones and put them on
her own head, just to see what was playing. The
headphones where repeating, 'Breath in, Breath
out.'
A blonde went to the emergency room with the
tip of her left index finger blown off.
"How did this happen?" the doctor asked.
"Well I was trying to commit suicide," the blonde replied.
"Trying to commit suicide by shooting your finger?"
"No silly! First I put the gun to my chest and I thought, "I just paid
$6,000 for these," then I put it in my mouth and I thought, "I just
paid $4,000 to get my teeth straightened." So then I put the gun in my ear
and I thought, "this is going to make a loud noise," so I put my
finger in my ear before I pulled the trigger."
A blonde and a redhead met in a bar after work
for
a drink, and were watching the 6 O'clock news. A
man was shown threatening to jump from the
Brooklyn Bridge.
The blonde bet the redhead $50 that he wouldn't
jump, and the redhead replied, 'I'll take that
bet!'
Anyway, sure enough, he jumped, so the blonde gave
the redhead the $50 she owed. The redhead said 'I
can't take this, you're my friend.'
The blonde said 'No. A bet's a bet'.
So the redhead said 'Listen, I have to admit, I
saw this on the 5 O'clock news, so I can't take
your money'.
The blonde replied, 'Well, so did I, but I never
thought he'd jump again!'
So this blonde is standing at a soda machine.
She drops the coins in, pushes the button, a coke comes out, she puts it in her
pocket. She drops the coins in, button, coke, pocket. Coins, button, coke,
pocket. Soon, she runs out of pockets and begins stacking them on the ground
around her.
Finally, someone approaches her and says, "Sally, what are you
DOING??"
She replies: "Duh I'm winning!"
A blonde named Anna had a near death
experience.
The other day when she went horseback riding.
Everything was going fine until the horse started
bouncing out of control. She tried with all her
might to hang on, but was thrown off. Just when
things could not possibly get worse, her foot got
caught in the stirrup. When this happened, she
fell head first to the ground. Her head continued
to bounce harder as the horse did not stop or even
slow down. Just as she was giving up hope and
losing consciousness, the Wal-Mart manager
happened to walk by and unplug it.
There was this blonde woman and a red-headed
woman that were taken hostage by terrorists.
After the women were taken to an island, the
terrorists asked the red-headed woman if she had
any last words, and she pointed and said,
'Twister!'
The terrorists ran in all different directions
and the red-headed woman got away.
When they realized what had happened, the came
back to where the blonde woman was, amd they
asked her if she had any last words. She pointed
and said, 'fire!'
Three blondes were walking in the desert when
they
came upon a genie.The first one said, ' I'm really
sick of being called a dumb blonde so I want to be
50 times smarter.'
The genie turned her into a brunette. The second
one said, 'I'm not that sick of being a dumb
blonde so I want to be 25 times smarter. So the
genie turned her into a redhead.
The third one said, 'I'm not sick of being a dumb
blonde at all so I want to be 50 times dumber. So
the genie turned her into a man!
A blonde and a brunette were going to attempt
suicide. Just before they were going to jump off
of the building, the blonde told the brunette to
wait and ran off. She went to the information
center and told them what she was planning to do.
She then said, 'Now all I need to know is which
way down.'
A Blonde was down on her luck. In order to raise some money, she
decided to kidnap a kid and hold him for ransom.
She went to the playground, grabbed a kid, took him behind a tree, and told him,
"I've kidnapped you."
She then wrote a note saying,"I've kidnapped your kid. Tomorrow morning,
put $10,000 in a paper bag
and put it under the pecan tree next to the slide on the north side of the
playground. Signed, A Blonde".
The Blonde then pinned the note to the kid's shirt and sent him home to show it
to his parents.
The next morning the Blonde checked, and sure enough, a paper bag was sitting
beneath the pecan tree. The Blonde opened up the bag and found the $10,000
with a note that said, "How could you do this to a fellow Blonde?"
Two blondes are walking down the countryside,
when
they come across these tracks. One blonde says,
'Those are rabbit tracks.'
The other blonde says, 'NO! Those are deer
tracks!'
They were still arguing 10 minutes later when the
train hit them.
One day, a group of blondes and a group of
brunettes went ice fishing on either sides of the
lake. They all got settled and started fishing.
The brunettes were pulling out the fish like
crazy, while the blondes didn't even get a bite!
The blondes spent 2 hours trying to figure out
what to do. Then they got it. They sent a 'spy'
over to the other side to see what the brunettes
were doing differently. So she went over there
and started thinking and watching. She sat there
for an hour. Then, she yelled 'I GOT IT!!' and ran
back. When she got back, all the other blondes
asked what the brunettes were doing differently.
She said - 'They cut a hole in the ice!!'
A young man is at a bus stop in New York. He
sees an extremely beautiful blonde in a tight
mini-skirt, and decides to get on the bus
directly behind her. As the bus pulls up, she begins to board the bus, but
cannot make the first step with her mini zipped. She reaches behind her and
undoes a zipper. Then she attempts to board the bus, once again she fails in her
attempt. She reaches behind her once more and undoes the same zipper. She tries
again to board the bus, and again she fails in her attempts. The young man
finally decides just to lift her into the bus. When he lifts her she yells,
'Don't get fresh with me!' The young man just looks at her and says, 'Lady
you've just undone my zipper twice, and now you say that I'm getting fresh with
you!'
Two blondes were driving through Louisiana when
they came to a sign that told them they were
almost to Natchitoches. They argued all the way
there about how to pronounce the name of the town.
Finally they stopped for lunch. After getting
their food, one of the blondes said to the
cashier, 'Can you settle an argument for us? Very
slowly, tell us where we are.'
The cashier leaned over the counter and said,
'Buuurrrrrr-Gerrrrrr Kiiiinnnnnggg'.
This guy was driving in a car with a blonde. He
told her to stick her head out the window and see
if the blinker worked. She stuck her head out and
said, 'Yes, No, Yes, No, Yes...'
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