A History of the Gonkulator

NASCAR

IRL

Personal Experience

Gonk News

gonkulator   n. gonk' yu lat er   pl. gonkulators.  org: rasn. (1997) 1) Any device which vehentricates the emissions of a four-cycle,  gasoline powered motor. (esp. used in racing). 2) That part of an engine which incendriates the exhaust gasses with fuel via reciprocating microbars.  3) An item causing great heat.
Psst -- I heard Gordon was using an illegal gonkulator in his car last year(1997). That is an infamous lie promulgated by jealous Jimmy Spencer wannabes. His Gonkulator was legal "under the rules at the time". Gary Nelson has subsequently changed the rules for 1998 and none of the 1997 Gonkulator fit the new template. Bill, You're right about the Gonkulator change for 1998. But, Lloyd was referring to one of the Gonkulators. I'm not sure if it was the left one or the right one. In any case, I heard NASCAR was going to be watchingGonkulator performance very closely this season .... As long as the left gonkulator was stainless steel and the same length as the carburetor gasket rods, there is nothing illegal about it. I don't understand this continued reliance on Gonkulation.  It again speaks toward NASCAR's stagnant technology.  Both F1 and CART outlawed  these things years ago.(It must be noted here that IRL does use Gonkulators as the Pro. Vs. Anti-gonkulation was one of the things which caused the split with CART.)
	As far as teams being able to cheat if they were banned, believe me, a Gonkulator (at least one large enough to do any good) would be easily spotted by NASCAR during pre-race tech. GM has a new design for the Gonkulator, it is called the MG2 (Micro-Gonkulator Second Generation).  It is used on the 1998 Corvette.  The new MG2 is only 15cm long and 5 cm tall. Any respectable engine builder should be able to hide something this small.  However I have heard that the MG2 creates a very significant amount of heat compared to the old style gonkulator.  This could make it very easy to spot the teams using gonkulators if we start watching for under- hood fires. (We are still looking for a picture of an MB2 Gonkulator for this page)
I have a friend who tells me that the gonkulator is intertwined with the postulator.So thus the two are dependant on each other. I ain't no mechanical wizard(can't tell can you? :-)) but it sounds likely to me. Ah, recognition at last! Actually the early G'lators (almost a  contradiction in terms, don't you think?), were set up to use the nowdefunct leaded fuel. They required the cushioning/lubricating qualities of this fuel to allow the microbar to reciprocate at near gonadish frequencies, without coming into contact with the safety liner. When the leaded fuel was outlawed (thanks Mr. President  ( ), premature safety liner wear was the norm. With the onset of the MG2 G'lator, and it's attendant higher heat output (as reported earlier), this liner wear became the obstacle "du jour." The wear problem has been solved! If a cambered MG-2 is used, and, the safety liner is coated with relative bearing grease, the microbar will only reciprocate to nearadish frequencies. However, unlike gonadish frequencies they tend to create a vibration in the sway-bar, resulting in premature fracturization of the Pittman-Arm. Note The heat can still be detected with infra-red cameras! In operating at the neardish frequency, the piston of the gonkulator also operates perilously closely to its hamonic resonance frequency.It was for this reason that the Jericho transmissions were first utilized at Pocono.  The engine speeds reached on the front stretch pushed the gonk pistons to frequencies that resulted in incredible catastrophic engine failures.  By shifting into high gear, the hazardous frequency harmonics are eliminated, allowing the gonkulator to operate in a much more reliable fashion.  Hope that this helps in further understanding the more "technical" side of racing. Let me get this straight.  When the engine temperature rises,  the gonkulator has been know to fire prematurely ? Is this caused by the rapid vibration of the Pittman-Arm ? What about those new high tech Bushings ?  Don't they allow the gonkulator enough sway while still maintaining a firm grip ? Overcoming this heat/wear problem is one of thetasks that the Mir program was to address during it's time in space. Atthe last news conference regarding this important experiment, constant interruptions from sign-carrying enthusiasts caused the report to be shelved. Negotiations continue, as do the experiments. At last report, itseems, size really is the issue.
Actually it was an overheated gonkulator that started the fire on the MIR.  This is from a confidential source at NASA.  The same source relayed to me that another failed gonkulator was the real cause of the Challenger disaster.(this fact was covered up by NASA and the Big 3 as they had a lot to lose if the public lost trust in gonkulators.)  Gonkulator really can improve performance, but NASCAR has to police them as a safety measure.  When a gonkulator fails the results are usually devastating as related above.  Gary Nelson will have to watch gonkulation very closely in 98. Actually the Heat build up can be remedied with Gunk Engine (And you wondered why they named it that) cleaner sprayed liberally thru the confuzinater allowing for the disposal of the recycled ozone to be cool so that you do not  overheatthe micro bar which sometimes is refereed to asthe mini bar($1.75 for peanuts?) I understand that RW was using a prototype gongulator during Daytona testing. While not illegal, he was asked to substitute a more conventional model. It is rumored that the protype was actually based on an illudiamQ36 fueled model, which has not been accepted as a standard model. Since it is much lighter, and requires much less air flow, it was ruled that RW would have an unfair advantage using the unit. He told the NASCAR inspectors that Marvin was the lead designer.  Actually, I believe Jeremy's gonkulator, cleverly hidden in a new spot in the chassis and disguised in a rubber casing, was throwing sparks from under the car for quite some time a few races back. The commentators masked the obvious infraction by claiming he'd picked up some debris on the track and it was just burning off due to friction. Sure, sure. Anyone elso notice just how well Jeremy's been doing this year? Gotta be that new gonk he's got hidden in the chassis. Upon losing his engine in Saturday's Mickyard 200 IRL race veteran   owner/driver Eddie Cheever was asked by Jack Arute "Eddie what put you out." Eddie responded "It was the lower gonkulator. We tried something different with them. We know now to use the settings that the gonkulator techs recommend." My question. Do the Cuppers use the same type of gonkulator as the  IRLers do? No, totally different design has to be used due to the fuel injection and the multi-valve engines.  Tony Stewart was using a special Aurora-twin (AA) version of the MG2 that Oldsmobile and Menard developed jointly over the off season. The Aurora-twin is the first gonkulator specifically designed for a racing application.  Rumor in the IRL is that the new Aurora-twin runs as much as 20 degrees cooler than the old version which allows fuel temperature to remain cooler thereby creating more power. You are partially correct.  Skipping the technobabble, this is whatI have found out.  The IRL is pushing for the two part design (model# 1701-d) and this is the one that Cheever used.  I hear that Geoff Bodine has been contacted to use the same gonkulator in his Cup car. The deal includes a primary sponsorship from the United Paramount Network. Interesting that you would bring up Bodine's use of the gonkulator.  With the winter olympics coming up, the Bo-Dyne bobsled will once again be in the forefront.  The little known secrete about this sophisticated sled is the adaptation of gonkulation to the gravity powered machine.  The olympic rules committee is still conducting hearings on the legality of the technology..........
Personal Experience When we made our own gonkulators back in the 1950's to enhance the performance of our fathers' car, we had no idea that this device was not already commercially available.  After all, the advantage of this modification seemed obvious to us, and we just assumed our dads had bought a low end model car that didn't come factory-equipped with a gonkulator.  I recall scouring the trash and junk yards for discarded burline motors to salvage the springs and the vernal valves.  And we relied on the kid who was best at electrical wiring to assemble and fabricate the Wilson straps and castrometer, so installation was pretty straight forward from there.  I added an on-off switch that I would use when I was through with the car, so dad wouldn't leave a strip of rubber when he left for work the next day.  I'm working with an attorney at present to see if we have and recourse to compensation for what we believe was the original gonkulators that us kids were making without realizing it.  If any of the rest of you were also making these in the 1950's, I feel we have the stuff for a potential class action suit. The stepdaughter of my first cousin's husband's married girlfriend told me her lover and his other girlfriend were at the 97 Daytona 500 and were right in front of Earnhardt's big wreck late in the race. When Ernie Irvan's hood flew off into the grandstand, the gonkulator broke loose. The stepdaughter's lover saw it flying through the air,  dropped his beer, took his Mark Martin hat off, and caught the flying gonkulator in his hat. The thing was so hot that it scorched the inside of the hat, but didn't catch it on fire. The guy and the girl who was at the race with him had a big fight over the gonkulator. He wanted to give it to the stepdaughter, because she's a big EI fan, but the girl at the race wanted to keep it. Anyway, the stepdaughter got to keep it. It was extremely heavy for its small size, and even had a miniature Texaco star logo painted on it and the number 28. They told me there appeared to be a mixture of oil and coolant dripping out of it. Cripes.  With all the good useful information about gonkulators being distributed someone has to post such a patently false story.   How, you might ask, do I know this is a false story? Because no NASCAR fan would ever drop their beer, not even for a EI gonkulator.
Gonkulator News King Richard broke his silence today on Gonkulators.  Petty eluded to the fact that his thinks that the new SG-2 is the greatest innovation in NASCAR since the induction of roof flaps.  Richard said "If we had Gonkulators of this quality in my time I would have beaten them cats 250 times!" More Gonkulator news... EPA The Environmental Protection Agency is looking into excessive exhaust  fumes from the engines using the SG-2. During a random check at Talladega recently Jimmy Spencer's fumes were above legal levels.  Team owner Travis Carter added "Actually Jimmy had Taco Bell tacos for lunch." Rudd, Donlavey on the right track. Car owners Ricky Rudd and Junie Donlavey have already having success with their collaboration. It seems Rudd and Donlavey driver Dick Trickle, a cheesehead, have "found something" in experimenting with the SG-2. They could not elaborate because they tested the "setup" at 4:30 PM this Friday. The test track, known as the  Huguenot(pronounced Hugh Ga Knot) Bridge(or Hugeknot) is a 65 year old track. They were able to reach speeds of 30MPH which stunned onlookers since no one has done over 30MPH headed Southbound at the time of a weekday in 10 years. Rusty Wallace When told that Gonkulator restrictions are being rumored Rusty said "That is Bull Sh*t!" Delma Cowart When Delma was told about the same restrictions he said "I may have missed a Gonkulator but I have never missed a party!" Roush Racing looking for suppliers A catastrophic dyno room blow up has sent Jack Roush scrambling for suppliers of the new SG-2 Gonkulators. While testing an engine with a SG-2 installed an oil plug blew out of the engine. As the oil poured out the engine locked up. At that point a Gonkulator exploed sending pieces flying all over the dyno room. Some pieces flew with such force that it crashed thru a wall taking Jack Roush's straw hat and pinning the hat against a wall down the hall. Roush said the damage is so extensive(to the dyno not the hat) that a supplier is needed for his many racing teams.  He is willing to trade he says. Here is a partial list of his trade offerings: 1 pallett of Valvoline 10W-30 Motor Oil 1 lifetime subscription to Primestar(installation not included) 4 dozen Exide NASCAR Select batteries. i truck load of Cheerios. 5 John Deere tractors. 500 officially licensed Jack Roush Straw Hats. Jack Roush will come to your house and do his uncanny impression of Marlon Brando from "The Godfather."

More Historical/technical facts will be added as they are discovered.  Come on Detroit, give us the facts!

RASN Historians: (RASN names used to protect their true identities)

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