This is the page where all the
humor that I have collected comes into one. I would like to thank
you if you submit stuff to me.
AOL Disks
How to be a Hick
How to Annoy your Dog
Things NOT to do to
your Computer
How to Express Roadrage
Practical Jokes
AOL Disks
Every month or so we recieve these
annoying CD's which we never use, so here is way to be creative
with them.
Use it as a coaster
Violate the rules and touch it with your
fingers and scratch it.
Tape it to your wall and use it as a
gaurd for your doorknob.
FRISBEE!!!
Draw swirls on them with a permanent
marker (modify the text on the disk label part and draw
designs).
Order a free CD from aol every week or so
until you have about 30, then tape them up on your wall
(data side facing you) and make a really cool looking
mirror,
Glue the CD to a ruler and you have a
poormans flyswatter.
Put it in your burner and copy your whole
hard drive to it, then keep burning till the disk starts
turning colors.
Examine the CD front side and note
(mentally) all the lies that are explained.
Stack a few on top of each other and
create the ultimate artificial leg (for your table of
course).
How to be a Hick
Every now and then we come across
people that look so much like cowboys that it isn't even funny.
If you want to be a weirdo (sorry if any hicks are reading this)
like them then here is my list of tips. (Don't ask how I know
about this stuff).
Instead of saying wash, say
"Warsh".
Call coke "pop".
Wear really tight jeans that take all the
color out of you.
Ride a horse for 6 hours straight every day
for 1 year to become bow-legged.
Say "Hmmmmhell" every now and
then.
Instead of saying
"Thug 4 Life!" say "Honkey for Life!"
Drive a 72 Ford Pickup around town with
chickens in the truck bed.
Let cattle graze in your front yard.
Become a member of the Klan.
Ask for chew tobacco at the movie theaters.
How to
Annoy your Dog
When you are running with
it, push its butt to the side to make it burn out (good for
corners).
Tell it to come on the
couch, then when it does, yell at it to get off. Do this every 5
minutes.
Hold your dog over a pool or
fiilled bathtub. Let its feet barely touch the water. It will
paddle its feet looking like a burnout.
Treat your dog like the
opposite sex. I.E if your dog is a boy, call it princess and say
its pretty.
Name your dog
"Dog".
Name your dog
"Askim". People will actually bend down and ask him.
Name your dog
"Kitty".
Grab your dogs front feet
and dance with it.
Fart right in its face.
Train your dog in spanish
cuss phrases.
Things
NOT do to to your computer
Use your cd-rom as an
advanced cupholder.
Execute a file called
"Trojan.com"
Put a 3 1/2 hard disk in
your zip drive.
Take off your shoes and rub
your socks on the carpet while removing the computer processor.
Touch your motherboard of
hard drive with a magnetised screw driver.
In DOS type "deltree
c:\windows"
Turn your computer on and
off constanrtly without shutting down properly.
Unhook your power cable to
your hard drive while running your computer.
Underclock your computer by
100 mhz.
OVERCLOCK YOUR COMPUTER BY
100 MHZ!
How to
Express Roadrage
Every now and then we come
across a driver that belongs in a wheelchair or a rehabilitation
center rather than the road, but there is nothing we can do about
it, until now...
In bumper-to-bumper traffic,
yell out "I gotta shot gun!"
If someone cuts you off, cut
them off by inches, then slow down by 10 miles per mile.
Spit your gum out at their
car, hoping it will land in the door crack or door handle.
Bend the tube where the soap
and water comes out of your fluid and aim it to the left and
right side of your cars for the people that can't afford A/C and
roll their windows down.
Drive with your high-beams
on during the day and on busy streets, especially on corners.
Try and race a really old
woman with a sports car.
Open a box of nails and toss
the nails across the road (works good when in pursuits).
Play a game to see who has
the junkiest car.
When driving really fast and
the cops pull you over, tell them it's an emergency so they can
escort you.
Use the hand-capped spots.
If they are handi-capped, they shouldn't be driving!
Practical
Jokes
Bring cookies that are mixed
with laxatives to a party, then (WITH RUBBER GLOVES!) rub Icy-Hot
over the toilet seat.
Use a laser pen on your
baldest teacher.
Shake up a coke and give it
to your friend (old but a classic!).
Throw a chunk of pure sodium
in the school toilet (get the sodium from your science class
experiments). Be carefull, it blows up when you do it!
Put clear superglue on the
teachers chair or stool during nutrition.
Give your friend a program
that is a fake virus.
Go down Dead Mans Curve
after you unhooked your friends bike brakes.
Scratch up an AOL Disk
really bad and give it to your friend.
Give your friend the Hanson
cd for his birthday, when he asks why you got him that, say in
front of everyone "I thought you told me you loved
Hanson".
When you are online, tell
your friend to tell your other friend that a girl likes him. Then
you and him keep making up stuff about her. About one week later,
let out the truth.