| Martin's Jokes | ||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Blond Jokes | ||||||||||||||||||||||||
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Q: How do you know a blond likes you? A: She screws you two nights in a row. Q: How do you know a blond has just lost her virginity? A: Her crayons are still sticky. Q: Why can't blondes count to 70? A: Because 69 is a bit of a mouthful. Q: Why do blonds get confused in the ladies room? A: They have to pull their own pants down. Q: What did the blond say when she showed her newborn baby in the delivery room? A: I'm not going to suck anything *that* small. Q: what's the difference between a blond and a rooster? A: In the morning a rooster says, "Cock'll-doodl-doooo", while a blonde says, "Any-cock'll-doooo Q:Why arent Blondes good water skiers?? A: When their private gets wet they fall down Q: Why are blondes boobs square? A She forgot to take the tissue out of the box Q: why do turtles and blondes have so much in common? A: When they are on their backs the are both screwed For more jokes e-mail me and ask | |||||||||||||||||||||||
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Q:What's the difference between a woman and a computer? A: A woman won't accept a 3-and-a-half inch floppy A man is on his way home from work one afternoon in LA and he's stopped in traffic and thinks, "Wow, this traffic seems worse than usual. We're not even moving." He notices a police officer walking down the highway in between the cars and he rolls down his window and asks, "Excuse me officer, what's the hold up?" "O.J. just found out the verdict; he's all depressed. He's lying down in the middle of the highway and he's threatening to douse himself in gasoline and light himself on fire. He just doesn't have $33.5 million for the Goldmans. I'm walking around taking up a collection for him." The man said, "Oh really? How much have you collected so far?" "About three hundred gallons." | |||||||||||||||||||||||
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Paddy was working in a home for the blind when one day he decided he was gonna go to the country side and visit a ladyfriend of his. Just as luck would have it 3 of the blind people he looked after begged him to take them with for the ride, just to get out to the country and breath the crisp, fresh air. All attempts to dissuade them were fruitless when Paddy came up with a plan to keep them busy while he was inside with the ladyfriend. Anyway, so off they went and after a long drive finally arrived at the cottage where upon they were greeted by Paddy's friend. Before going inside he gave his three blind friends a soccer ball with a bell inside so that they could play a bit of kick the ball while he was busy. Paddy, sure that this would keep them out of any trouble left them and went inside. About two hours later Paddy decided to check on his friends and wondered outside. To his absolute horror there were his three blind friends being loaded into the back of a police van, handcuffs and all. Paddy rushed to his car and followed the van to the Police station. Absolutly dumbfounded as to what his blind friends could have done that would warrant them being arrested, he questioned the arresting officer. | "Well sir, its and open and shut case. Those three gentleman kicked the ice - cream man to death!"
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