My Life Began With You

Thanks to KATHERINE for this!

"Go straight into Dublin after school. I'll meet you outside the shoe shop." That was what my mam had told me. I was seven years old, going alone on the bus for the first time. I had been with Mam and my sister before but never on my own. We lived two or three miles from the city, and I hadn't been there often. But I knew I would recognise the area where we were going to get me some new shoes.

"Hi. Why are you on the bus today?" It was my best friend Becky.

"Gettin' some new shoes," I told her. Then I remembered something I'd seen recently.

"Did you see the 'Late Late Show' the other day?" I asked her.

"Yeah. What, the one with that Boyzone? They were so bad, weren't they?"

"They can't dance at all. But you know that Ronan?"

"Errrmm…"

"The one who wore that hat. The blond one?"

"Oh him. You fancy him?" she asked.

"No! But he worked in the same shop I'm going to. He used to be really nice to me and say hello whenever he saw me."

We were so busy giggling about them, and especially a certain dance move of Shane Lynch's which us infant school kids found hilarious, that I missed my stop. By the time I got off the bus, we were half a mile away.

I panicked. People passed me without giving me a glance. I was trying to pluck up the courage to ask someone for help, when I heard a soft voice.

"Hey. Can I help."

I turned around and saw a young guy in his late teens. He had dark floppy hair, blue eyes, and sweet kissable lips. I knew I recognised him from somewhere, but where?

"I'm lost." I told him.

"Where do you want to go?" he asked. I told him the name of the shop.

"Oh, yeah, I know the place. My mate Ro worked there.

Ro. That's what people called Ronan Keating. Ronan Keating from Boyzone.

"You know him?" It hit me, where I knew this man from. "It was you, you were on TV the other day, weren't you? I don't know your name though."

"Stephen." He blushed slightly. "Stephen Gately."

"Nice!" I took his hand as he led me back up the road.

"Can you sing?" I asked. Stephen shrugged.

"Will you? Please?" I fluttered my seven-year-old eyelashes at him.

"We don't have a song at the moment." He told me.

"Sing that song from the 'Watership Down' movie. 'Bright Eyes.'"

Stephen started to sing quietly.

"Bright Eyes, burning like fire. Bright eyes, how can they close and fail? How can a light that burned so brightly suddenly burn so pale, Bright Eyes."

What a voice. Stephen really did this song justice, he was much better than Art Garfunkel. I didn't realise at the time, but I was in love.

"Can I have your autograph?" I asked when I saw my mam, pulling out a felt pen and my school book. As Stephen crouched down to write, I stepped forward and kissed his mouth. He looked a bit stunned as he left me.

At the age of nine my family left Ireland and moved to London, and the next time I met Stephen, a lot had happened. At my new school, I kept boasting how I used to know Ronan, and had met Stephen and got his autograph. Boyzone were soon to be releasing their greatest hits album, and at the age of thirteen, I was still an avid fan. But one day I was lying on my bed, looking at one of my Stephen posters, when I was struck by how sad he looked.

"What's wrong? I asked the picture.

"I can't tell you. I want to but I'm afraid."

I turned up to school one day, not long afterwards, when I saw Erica, a girl in the year below me, crying. My friend Jaimie had her arm around her.

"It's a fact of life that all the nice men are gay. Get used to it."

"Not all of them." I told her, knowing that she fancied Stephen Gately as well as me. "Stephen Gately…"

"That's what we're on about!" Erica shoved a crumpled newspaper under my face. As I saw the picture and read the headline: "Boyzone's Stephen - I'm gay and I'm in love" I felt as if somebody had punched me in the stomach.

It was about three weeks since the story had broken. I was in my room again, talking to my favourite poster again. I knew now why he had seemed so scared and thin.

"Why, Stephen? Why you of all people?"

"I'm sorry. I can't help who I am."

"I can't deny what I believe. I can't be what I'm not." I recited from my favourite song, 'No Matter What."

"I know this love's forever. I know no matter what."

Someone finished the verse. Someone small, dark and very handsome. Somebody whose photo was duplicated over a hundred times on my wall.

"Ste-Stephen?"

His gaze fell on an old exercise book cover, blu-tacked to my wall and signed by himself six years before, and smiled.

"You were that little kid that got lost in Dublin all those years ago ." It was a statement, not a question. "That was my first autograph."

I had to ask him.

"Why are you here?"

"Your sister saw me, and wanted me to come and talk to you. So I am."

I didn't know what to say. What do you say to someone who knows you fancy them, but you know can never love you back?neve

"You're not upset, are you?"

I dumbly shook my head.

"Not really." I put my head on his shoulder.

"I haven't changed. I'm still me. Honest."

"Your boyfriend's cute isn't he?"

Stephen laughed, and looked dreamy.

"Not as cute as you though." I added hastily. I could tell Stephen was really happy now.

"You really love him, don't you?"

"Eloy is the best thing that ever happened to me." Stephen told me honestly. Tears filled my eyes.

Before leaving, Stephen wrote a message on my favourite poster of himself.

"Thanks for everything. Look out for my solo single, 'Bright Eyes', believe it or not. Lots of love, Stephen.

Leaving the house, Stephen gave me a big cuddle and a kiss on the cheek.

"Thanks for listening," he whispered.

I was listening to 'No Matter What' later that day, and two verses in particular hit me hard, because they are so true!

"No matter if the sun don't shine

or if the skies are blue

no matter what the ending

my life began with you.

I can't deny what I believe

I can't be what I'm not

I know this love's forever

That's all that matters now no matter what."