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Duffy's circus

'A white-knuckle roller-coaster ride' is how Keith Duffy describes his time with Boyzone, and indeed it sounds like a love affair that went tragically wrong. So bad was the meltdown between him and Ronan Keating that this most happy-go-lucky of guys came close to a nervous breakdown. But apart from the controversy generated by his recent Celebrity Big Brother appearances, he seems to have got his life on to an even keel though Ronan no longer rings him. Keith Duffy opens his heart to Joe Jackson.

NO ONE ever tells you when you join a boyband that you could be suicidal after it folds. As in decide life may as well be over because your best days are past. At the age of only 25.

And that is how Keith Duffy felt "up to six months ago", though now he's "back to being the most happy-go-lucky guy you could meet". That's what Keith says. But Keith may be lying. To himself. Because three times during this interview he nearly cried. Twice, while explaining how "Ronan Keating broke my heart, man". And again, focusing on the "crisis" he and his wife, Lisa, faced following rumours Keith that had "an affair" with Claire Sweeney, during Comic Relief's Celebrity Big Brother. Indeed, I bumped into Keith in Lillies Bordello nightclub at the time and he said, "I'm going through hell," which is one of the reasons I did this interview. To find out exactly why.

But first I'd better say, upfront, that Keith is one of my two long-time favourite members of Boyzone, a Northside Dub with a leathery exterior in every sense and a heart more shadowed and sensitive than he normally admits. And he's not afraid to disclose his emotions, which became apparent in 1995 when I was writing the first "official" Boyzone book and, backstage at Top of the Pops, Keith did actually break down, seeking my advice about "the pressure" of signing his first contract.

But I originally met Keith a year earlier, for a newspaper interview. So let's go back to a sunny afternoon in 1994, and Keith, 19, arriving for his "first major interview", nervous but "blissed", having spent the night "skinny-dipping" in Killiney. With a model.

"Lisa came on the scene a week later," he recalls. "But that night I met the model, Lisa was watching me dancing I thought Lisa didn't want me, I'd been chasing her for three months saw me kissing that model and wanted to kill her! And was devastated when she read your piece in the paper. But the model said, 'I'm honoured.' Yet I never shagged her. I only slept beside her, with my leather jeans on, because I was so embarrassed. I had no sexual experience. Though Lisa was being told: 'Don't go with Keith, he shags everything that moves.' I didn't. Lisa was four years older than me I made love to her and fell in love that night! And I've been in love with her ever since. I had one bad sexual experience before that I bled and never had sex again."

Lisa, a fashion buyer, was earning a lot more money than Keith when they met, buying his clothes and paying for his nights out when he was "on £30 a week, later £60" from Boyzone, which made him feel "terrible" at the time.

"She lived in Finglas and I lived in Donaghmede and we'd walk home on Saturday night," he recalls. "And I wouldn't have the guts to tell her I didn't have the money for a taxi. So the first taxi that came she'd jump in, thinking I'd get the next. But I'd walk to me mate's house, sleep on their floor then get the 17A bus home the next morning 95 pence!"

Even so, Keith who "after about three and a half years, got a cheque for £10,000, the first I ever got for more than £400" insists that Boyzone managers Louis Walsh and John Reynolds "didn't rob us". Louis, specifically, "was as broke as we were". So did Keith finally sign the contract?

"I held back," he reveals. "But then I felt these guys were looking after me, so I signed. But everything we did was based more on friendship and trust. And Louis hasn't got the relationship with any of Westlife that he had with me. Louis was never money-oriented. He done it for the love of the business. But he's changed. He's moremoney-oriented now. He talks of Westlife as his 'protégés'. F**k that. I was his friend. And friendship is more important than money."

Either way, Keith did end up a millionaire. A few times over. At first he intended spending that £10,000 on "a new car and holiday", but, with guidance from "a friend" who "got me a hundred-per-cent loan", Keith bought "an apartment in Dun Laoghaire for £68,000, used the 10 grand to decorate it, rented it out five years ago", and now it's worth £250,000. He "put the apartment in Jordan's name", meaning it belongs to his son, who was born at the time. And Keith, who's "got a million in the bank and a few million in property", also gets royalties from Boyzone songs.

"There were so many break-ups in bands because the writer gets all the money that we decided whoever writes the song, everybody else gets 10 per cent. But I also wrote a few B-sides, which are worth 50 per cent of the royalties of, say, an A-side like No Matter What."

Yes, Keith did say earlier that his son, Jordan, was born five years ago. Before he and Lisa were married.

"I was in a boyband, Catholic, Irish, and having a pregnancy outside of marriage with a woman who wasn't even supposed to be my girlfriend because we weren't supposed to have girlfriends. It was a nightmare," he says.

"But let me tell you a good story. Boyzone had performed on Top of the Pops umpteen occasions but never had a number one. The only time you can perform on that show without having a top-10 single is when your album goes straight to the top of the English charts. Our first album did. So Top of the Pops allowed us to perform any track. Yet as we're picking a song, all of us in Boyzone are sitting around with one mobile phone between us because we couldn't afford the bills! knowing Lisa might be pregnant. Waiting on the phone call, after she does the test. We hadn't told our press office, Louis, anyone. So I'm having cold sweats, thinking, 'I'm 20, going to be a daddy what will me mam and dad say?' They have two rules, 'No motorbike and no babies before marriage!' Then I get the call: 'I'm pregnant, we're in the shits.' Tears, laughter mind-blowing. So what song did we perform? Father and Son. Nine months later, I'm the father of a son!"

Yet when it came to actually telling their parents Lisa was pregnant, the response was notas expected.

"Her mam and dad would trust us to sleep in the same bed, without having sex," says Keith. "My mam and dad, on the other hand, would make Lisa sleep on a mattress on the living-room floor and I'd sneak down. So we thought her folks'd be a breeze, mine'd flip. But when we told my mam and dad, they cried their eyes out. Like I did, telling them, because I fill up like a bastard, as you know. And Lisa was crying, so it was tears, hugs, kisses. My folks even said, 'Last week we were in the pub, thinking, "We're getting old, wouldn't it be nice to have grandchildren?"' Lisa's dad, though, said Lisa was his only daughter and gave it to me straight that he was upset. But now Jordan's best friend is his grandfather, Willie."

At this stage readers should have realised that Keith Duffy loves telling a "good story". When asked if any of Jordan's grandparents were peeved because Keith didn't bring them to the wedding in Vegas, he slides right into another one. So roll it there, Keith.

"I robbed them of that. I promised them I'd have a white wedding in Dublin and I will have a church blessing because we got married in Elvis's church. But I told no one, not even Lisa, we were getting married,"he says.

"Me and Ronan organised it all behind her back. The record company wanted Boyzone to record in New York and said they'd fly us and our partners over and send us on a holiday afterwards. And Mark Plunkett, Boyzone's road manager, said, 'Go get married in Vegas!' So the night before we went we were all sitting in a Spanish restaurant in New York, and, again, I'm a nervous wreck, because Ronan my best man has the two rings in his pocket. But Lisa thinks we're flying to upstate New York to see her friends. And says, 'What's wrong with you, love?'

"I told her, 'Everybody at this table knows something is going on.' I said, 'Help me out, Ro.' And Ronan takes out this tissue, with two rings wrapped inside, and puts it in front of her.

"I said, 'If you open that you'll know what I'm talking about.' But Lisa was afraid to open it because she'd wanted to get married so long, she couldn't believe it was happening. So I picked up the tissue and, speaking in broken sentences the lads say I sounded like Cilla Black in Surprise, Surprise! said: 'Lisa. [Pause] Tomorrow you're going out to buy yourself a wedding dress, shoes and a handbag. [Pause] We're flying to Vegasand we're getting married.'And Lisa bawled her eyes out."

Keith waited "quite a while" to propose to Lisa because he was "a young guy" who "didn't know me arse from me elbow." But then he saw Ronan getting married and thought, "He's much younger than me if he can do it, I can." And, yes, it is while he is remembering "how close me and Ro were" that Keith says that despite "the brave face on me today I've had plenty of sleepless nights and tears because of Ronan". But first he wants to talk more about those "changes" in Louis Walsh.

"I love Louis to bits and I'd hate if we ever fall out, but Lisa doesn't like him doesn't think he's 'up for Keith Duffy', the way he should be after all I've done for him," Keith claims, adding that his wife "really realised that" when she heard Louis slag Boyzone on a Gerry Kelly show. Keith also says his own self-confidence "wasn't helped" by Louis's tendency to describe himself and Shane Lynch as the "dummies" of Boyzone, who could neither sing nor dance.

"He, basically, said that on Kelly. I was on the John Daly show an hour beforehand and got lots of phone calls from me mam, dad, mates, saying, 'You were brilliant.' And I felt really proud and positive about meself, as someone who knows he was a number in Boyzone, not a name I made up the numbers in the band. Boyzone fans usually were screaming for Ronan and Stephen. I had to take a back seat. But I felt great after the Daly show. Then on Kelly, Louis was asked, 'What's the comparison between Boyzone and Westlife?' and said, 'No comparison. Westlife can sing.' The four of us apart from Ronan, who Louis manages came outlooking bad.

'BUT Boyzone broke so many barriers in terms of Ireland. We brought Ireland into the pop world it never had a pop band before. We sang with Pavarotti, the Bee Gees, U2. Topped charts everywhere. So I demand credit due. Yet Louis took that all away by being totally negative about Boyzone, saying that night, 'I don't manage them, I don't know them.' And I'm thinking: 'Forget whether we sang or not! I was your friend. If nothing else was gained, my friendship was gained by you! I love you, man how can you go on television and put me down like that?'

"So Lisa said, 'The little bastard!' and I found myself defending Louis, when he's putting me down. I was supposed to be the one on the band who is Louis's best friend! Even though, every time he'd introduce me to someone, he would say: 'This is Keith he can't sing, can't dance to save his life.' Constantly putme down."

Why didn't Keith tell Louis to go screw himself?

"I didn't have the confidence," he responds. "And I really wanted to believe I had some talent! Everyone always told me, 'You could be on TV, you could be doing this, doing that.' And if I haven't found that niche yet, it doesn't mean the talent's not there. But putting me down is a long way from the night Louis approached me in the POD and asked would I like to be in a pop band. He needed me then. But the monster got bigger than the creator and the creator decided to stab the monster kill him. He's doing that every day. To promote f**king Westlife, he's stabbing Boyzone in the back."

Keith is enraged at this point. Part of his pain, apparently, stems from the fact that apart from Ronan, "all four other members of Boyzone signed to do 42 gigs this November", and before Christmas they met Ronan, who said, "I want till January 30 to decide," but has yet to get back to them with hisdecision.

"Ronan doesn't have time for me," Keith claims. "I tried to bring the goodness back out in Ronan. Because Ronan was a gentleman. I called him every day, the week he was due his second baby, and said, 'Whatever's happened the last six months, let's remember we have seven years of good friendship. I've been there through all the hard times, like your mother passing away, God rest her soul. Obviously I'm not an arsehole, Ronan. I do care, let's make a go of this.'

"And I rang Ro every day, when Yvonne was pregnant, saying, 'If there's anything I can do, give me a call.' She was born at a quarter past four one morning and he rang saying, 'I've got a baby daughter,' and I told him, 'I'm delighted for you, ring me and let me know when I can come and see the baby.' I never got a phone call, though I sent him balloons, flowers, the works. Then Shane calls, distressed, says this tour is not going to happen. He'd been talking to Ronan who'd said I'd fallen outwith him.

"I said, 'What the f**k is going on? I've been waiting on a call!' So I phone Ronan, livid because at this stage everybody's telling me he's walked on me and said, 'Who the f**k do you think you are? Jesus, take a minute out of your f**king married life and remember who Keith Duffy is. Fall out with me? I have fought your battle for so long but I'm not taking this any more. I will never be belittled by you again. I will never be under a compliment to you again. I have talent of my own. I don't need you. I'll do okay. But true colours do shine through. What was the song when we were asked in our first interview, at 16 that was my favourite? True Colours. And your true colours are coming through. I've never vindictively done anything to hurt any member of Boyzone but I've been hurt here. Have a successful career, pal, and forget me."'

That was the last time Keith spoke to "Ro", who "never even tried to ring me back". He's clearly still livid.

"Why would he call me? He's got his missus and his entourage," he continues. "Ronan plays God and they play up to God. But when I'm around they can't, because I see through the bullshit. Ronan doesn't need me, with his new friends like Elton John. The weight on Ronan's shoulders was that his entourage didn't love his old friend. So he took the weight off his shoulders, and fell out with me without even telling me." Keith also believes that "members of Ronan's entourage" don't want Boyzone to tour. Among others, he claims, "Louis doesn't want a tour because he wouldn't be part of it, our contractual obligations to him are finished. We just need an agency to set it up and Ronan to say yes."

And, yes, Keith himself could be "sorted for a few years" with the £1.2m £600,000 after tax he'd make out of a six-week tour. He also says, "The day Ronan signed off Boyzone he got £5m advances," whereas the rest of the band "got nothing". And though Boyzone "as a unit" plus Ronan and Stephen solo are signed to Polydor, Keith, Shane and Mikey are "gone".

All of which sure is a long way down from those days in 1995 when Keith told me, yes, he got into Boyzone "for the money", but elaborated: "Then comes that moment you walk on stage, see the crowd, hear them scream, and say, 'This is what it's all about.' Nothing compares to that experience. And no amount of money can buy that feeling. It's what I live for."

Keith listens as I read the quote. "That's one thing I'll never be able to better, yet it's a feeling I hope to achieve again," he responds. "And Ronan Keating has the power to give that back to me for one tour. And won't give it to the four of us. Even though he originally took it away by going solo. And it's true, you can't buy that feeling. It's not, ultimately, about money. That's the real 'fall'. Losing the honour of performing in front of a huge audience that wants to see you perform."

And losing what he'd "lived for" did leave Keith depressed last year.

"The ages between 17 and 25 are the time you grow into who you're going to be for the rest of your life, hugely important in terms of that building process," he explains. "And I lived in a bubble for those years, hidden from real life. So when that bubble bursts at a time you thought it might last at least another five years it's a nightmare. You feel open, vulnerable, frightened of everyday life, not sure how to deal with people, or relate to them.

"I was great for the first two months but then found myself intimidated in conversation because all I could talk about was what I'd done for the past eight years and that was perceived as big-headed. So I didn't know where or who I was. I just wanted to crash into a brick wall, thinking that'd be the quickest way out. The only thing that saved me was realising I had a childto raise."

As for Lisa, Keith felt "she was a heartless bitch" at the time. "Because she didn't try to understand, as far as I was concerned. I know better now. Lisa knew if she gave me sympathy I'd ride on it. So she was tough as nails, said things like, 'Get off your arse and go to the gym. How will you get work if you're a fat bastard?' And I love her for that. She had the insight, I didn't. Yet Lisa will never know the full extent of the shit I went through. Because I couldn't tell her. No one knows, because if I broke down the whole place around me would break down. I had to hide it from everyone."

A sure route to a nervous breakdown, Keith.

"I was close to that, but wouldn't let it beat me. Yet I did go mad. Drunk on Saturday night, home Monday morning. Lisa put up with that. And now I realise I didn't give Lisa everything she needed. I was inadequate as a husband, father, lover. Like I said, she came along just after Boyzone started. She's been my soul, backbone, partner, best friend, everything. Yet I lived on the road, she lived in Dublin, maintained my kids. And we had a rocky ride, broke up a few times, talked about visiting rights, even sold the house at one point. It all went sour."

Why?

"I was away so much with Boyzone. Being in Boyzone nearly f**ked it all up atone point."

Keith, it's not "being in" any band that "f**ks up" a marriage, but what pop stars sometimes do usually on tour while in that band. Like cocaine, alcohol and groupies.

'EVERYONE including Louis and John, but not Mikey signed a confidentiality clause, so I can't tell you what I got up to on the road with Boyzone," Keith responds, not having heard that the full story may yet be told by Mikey who, reportedly, is writing a play about a boyband.

"I won't deny anything he tells. Yet drugs, for example, never was an issue with Boyzone. If it was, I'd be the biggest abuser, but wasn't allowed to be. I was on the club scene before I joined Boyzone and had tried everything. Ecstasy, coke, LSD. I don't promote drugs but if my kids came home on anything, I'd recognise the symptomsright away."

Focusing on coke, Keith claims, "I was never an addict but when I took it I was the most self-confident guy in the world," which, he admits, is the drug's "deepest danger" for someone lacking confidence.

"Many people in the music business use it for that reason," he says. "Boyzone was one of the only bands that didn't partake. But when it came to alcohol we all drank like fishes. I drank too much, a bottle of whiskey a night, after a show. And I still like a blow-out now and again. But I'd hate my kids to think their father was a lager-lout gobshite, lucky enough to be in a boyband."

Returning to the subject of Lisa and that Claire Sweeney story, Keith insists, "I actually didn't shag Claire," but says the rumour upset his wife and damaged his career.

"Big Brother gave me a great profile but I had to cancel all the work that came in after the show, go back home to be with Lisa and the kids," he explains. "Yet seeing how upset Lisa was did make me realise how much I need and love her. She's a great woman. A lot of men go through life meeting lots of wrong women till they meet the right one. I met the right one in the beginning."

Even so, not surprisingly and maybe just a little sadly Keith ends our interview reflecting once more on "the greatest fall of all in the Boyzone story". His falling out with Ronan.

But before he goes I suggest that, perhaps, Keith's better off out of that "bubble" called Boyzone and should maybe even slice out that part of his heart that bears Ronan's name, let it go, move on. After all, Keith Duffy himself is rich, healthy and otherwise happy. And does have the memory of being in Boyzone.

"I know," he says, smiling. "And I'm trying to move on. But it's still a heartbreaker. I'd die for Ronan. And he doesn't want to know. I don't wish hardship on his family, but to really be happy he'll have to come back. And when he does I'm not proud I'll bite the bullet and give him the biggest hug he's had in years. But as things stand, it is a tragic ending to the Boyzone story, a Commitments ending. But I do have the memories. And don't regret a moment with Boyzone because it was a white-knuckle roller-coaster ride all the way, the best time of my life."