If Only You Were Mine. . .

This is the 12th chapter in a Stephen and Eloy fanfic I wrote about a year ago (2000) about the beginning of the relationship. As I, and nobody else, knows the 'real' truth about how they first got together, I thought you might like to read this completely fictional piece of work which I would like to think is how they got together. In some instances, real events are portrayed.

* * *

Stephen looked out into the audience, feeling as if he were on death row, ready to go to execution the next day. He normally loved performing for the fans. This time, however, it was different. He was in Milan, on Boyzone's European Tour. It was June 15th 1999. Stephen knew that in just a few short hours the world would know the truth about his sexuality. Stephen could tell that the fans knew there was something wrong with him; he could sense their concern. He tried to raise a smile, but he just couldn't. He knew that his fate await him the next day and he didn't know whether he would still have a career after then. He surveyed the audience, glancing at some of the many banners screaming girls held up for him. One particular face caught Stephen's eye- someone with the same glum expression on his face as Stephen. Eloy. Although normally content to watch the shows at the side of the stage, Eloy had wanted to watch the show from the audience on this particular day. Stephen smiled for the first time that night as he remembered saying to Eloy that he would be recognised if he stood in the audience. Eloy had told him that it doesn't matter anyway as by tomorrow, the whole world would know.

Stephen stopped smiling to contemplate what a scary thought that was. 'If it wasn't for Eloy, I don't know how I'd cope,' Stephen thought.

Boyzone gathered together on stage as they finished their last song of the evening. They all stood in unity, with their arms around each other. Stephen felt Ronan give his arm a little squeeze. "It'll be alright," Ronan whispered. Stephen nodded, grateful for the support.

The truth was, he didn't really know whether everything WOULD be okay. Tickets for Boyzone's Christmas Tour had gone on sale 2 weeks earlier- Louis had only set up a couple of dates at Manchester, Glasgow and London, even though they normally play Newcastle, Sheffield and Dublin as well! Louis had told Stephen that it was in the band's best interests as, if things don't go in Stephen's favour, it would be easier to cancel a tour and they wouldn't lose any money from it. Stephen sighed, nervous at the thought of tomorrow. He didn't know what the day was going to bring. . .

* * *

Stephen and Eloy arrived back at the hotel together. Normally, Stephen would arrive first and Eloy would arrive half an hour later. Today, however, they couldn't care less who saw them together. Stephen noticed some English fans in the hotel lobby. "They must be mad! Following us all the way to Italy!" Stephen commented to Eloy, shaking his head. As Stephen and Eloy passed the fans, they said hello to Stephen, but looked blankly at Eloy. They obviously didn't recognise him. As the couple walked away, the fans began to whisper excitedly, wondering who this mysterious man with Stephen was. As they walked up the stairs to their hotel room, Stephen could hear Ronan telling the fans that Eloy is their new security guard. Stephen laughed out loud, thinking, 'Well, he's tall enough!' Eloy looked over at Stephen.

"That's the first time you've laughed in 2 weeks."

Stephen blushed, looking down at the ground. "Well, I haven't had much to laugh about."

"Tomorrow will be fine," insisted Eloy. However, as they entered their hotel room, Stephen felt as if Eloy was trying hard to believe that everything will be fine. It was as if he had to keep repeating it, in order to believe it.

"I'm gonna have a shower," Stephen said. "I'm all sweaty and horrible!"

Eloy smiled, as he sat down on the edge of the bed. Reaching over, he turned the TV on and began to flick through the channels. Most of the shows were Italian. Although he could speak fluent English, French, German and Dutch, he could not speak a word of Italian. Relieved, Eloy saw some English channels. He began to watch some soap opera for a while, before flicking through again. 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27. . . Stopping at channel 27, he became transfixed by Sky News and their reporting of the Kosovo War.

"Stephen!" Eloy called.

"Yeah?" Stephen replied, coming out of the shower with a white towel wrapped around the lower half of his body.

Shaking his head, Eloy pointed at the TV, with the remote control in his hand. "It's shocking isn't it?"

Stephen looked at the TV. "Yeah, really shocking."

Both men sat in silence for a while, contemplating what was on the TV before them.

"Thank you. Now let's have a look at tomorrow's newspapers," the newsreader was saying. She went through all the broadsheet newspapers which, naturally, had the Kosovo War as their main headlines. Then she reached the tabloids. Neither Stephen nor Eloy were paying much attention. Eloy suddenly sat up, a small headline on the very corner of the Daily Mail catching his eyes.

"Stephen, did you see that?"

"What?" Stephen asked, sleepily looking up at the older man.

"I'm sure I just saw a headline on one of the newspapers saying 'Boyzone singer: I am gay'!"

Stephen smiled. "Nah, you must have been mistaken. The Kosovo War is the main headline today."

Eloy shook his head. "No, it wasn't THE main headline- just a little sub headline."

Both men were arguing about this when they suddenly heard the newsreader on Sky News saying, "The Sun's headline reads that Boyzone's Stephen Gately is gay. . ."

Stephen and Eloy looked at the TV, totally unprepared for what they saw. There, on the Sun's front page, was Stephen. On the WHOLE front page. Just Stephen. Nothing else. Stephen gasped.

"I didn't know it was going to be THAT big a story!" he exclaimed.

Eloy shook his head. There were further gasps from Stephen as, not only The Sun, but the Daily Star and The Mirror also had Stephen being gay as their main story. Stephen was on the front page of all the tabloids. He suddenly realised that the story was a lot bigger than he at first thought it would be- or hoped.

"E? I'm scared. I really don't like this at all. Let's go back to Amsterdam tomorrow, yeah?"

Eloy nodded. They had planned to spend the day in Milan with the rest of Boyzone. They all planned to go down to the beach as they had a day off. But now, they certainly didn't want to be in a place where the press could easily find them.

"I better ring my mum," Stephen said, dialling his mother's number on his phone. He had told his family only a week before that the story was going to break tomorrow. Although they were supportive, Stephen knew that they didn't want him to come out to the world. He didn't want his mum to be shocked when she saw it all over the papers, which was why he was ringing her now. He spoke with his mum in a furtive tone. It broke his heart when he heard his mum crying at the other end of the phone. She was obviously concerned for her son. After talking to his mother for a short while, he then rang Michelle, asking her to stay with their mother tomorrow. Michelle quickly agreed, also promising to make sure the family keeps their heads down tomorrow. Signing off, Stephen looked at Eloy helplessly. "Well, this is it. I hope people's reactions are good."

Eloy smiled, giving Stephen a massive bear hug. They were interrupted by a loud knock at the door. Opening it, Stephen saw Ronan, Yvonne, Keith, Lisa, Shane, Karen and Mikey standing outside. Ronan cleared his throat.

"We just want to wish you good luck for tomorrow," he said.

"Good luck for what?" a voice suddenly said. They all turned round, seeing Westlife, one of the band's support acts, staring at them.

"That's none of your business," Shane said.

Westlife looked at Stephen rather suspiciously, before going off to their separate hotel rooms.

"Thanks guys," Stephen said. "Me and Eloy have decided to go back to Holland tomorrow."

Mikey nodded. "We've all just seen it on Sky News."

There was an awkward silence.

Keith eventually broke the silence by whispering, "Good luck."

He gave both Stephen and Eloy a hug, which was quickly followed by hugs from Lisa, Shane, Mikey, Karen, Ronan and Yvonne. The group then left, going to their hotel rooms.

Stephen closed the door, before climbing into bed with Eloy.

Eloy wrapped his arms around Stephen, before both men closed their eyes, ready to await their fate tomorrow. . .

* * *

Ronan, Yvonne, Keith and Lisa wondered into the hotel bar early on Wednesday morning. They noticed the Boyzone support acts, singers Leilani and Christian Fry and, of course, Westlife, sitting down together, eyes poured over a single newspaper which Kian Egan was holding.

Looking up, Leilani suddenly noticed Ronan walking towards them. There was a flurry of hushed voices as Kian attempted to hide the newspaper.

He obviously didn't hide it well enough though as Ronan quickly grabbed the paper from behind Kian's back. Looking at the front, he saw that it was The Sun and had Stephen's story as the main and only headline on the front page.

Kian cleared his throat. Before he could speak, however, Ronan motioned for him to be quiet.

"Now, when Stephen and Eloy wake up this morning, I don't want ANY of you staring at them, okay?" Ronan said in a voice of authority. He looked around at the group in front of him. "OKAY?" he asked, his voice slightly raised.

They all nodded their heads, ashamedly looking down at the ground.

"And NO talking to the press, okay?" Keith added. The group nodded again.

Keith and Ronan noticed that the group weren't entirely focussing on them. Instead, they were focussing on something behind them. Ronan and Keith turned around. Stephen and Eloy were descending down the stairs.

Ronan shot the support acts a look, and they quickly pretended to be doing something else. They did, however, occasionally glance up when Ronan wasn't looking.

Stephen and Eloy wondered into the hotel bar, dropping their suitcases to the ground.

"Ronan? I've just seen some fans out in the lobby- they seemed totally unaware of the story today! Maybe it hasn't gone out yet?"

Ronan showed Stephen the front page of The Sun.

"Ah," Stephen said. "We've just ordered a taxi to take us to the airport. We should be in Amsterdam in a couple of hours."

Ronan and Keith stood around feeling quite uncomfortable for a while. After all, neither had been in a situation quite like this before and so, neither man really knew what to say. Eventually, Keith gave Stephen a massive hug "Thanks Keith," Stephen said quietly.

There was a beep from outside.

"Steve? Our taxi's here," Eloy said, peering round the doorway.

Ronan and Keith watched as Stephen and Eloy left the hotel, nervously awaiting their fate. In a way, Ronan felt guilty that he wasn't going to be there to support his friends that day. However, he did respect Stephen's decision to spend the day in Amsterdam with Eloy.

Looking around, Ronan realised the mood had turned rather sombre. Trying to make light of things, he said, "Who wants a McDonald's breakfast then?"

The grumble of Keith's stomach answered Ronan's question and everyone laughed, briefly forgetting about Stephen and Eloy for the moment.

* * *

Stephen paced the front room, unable to sit still.

"Steve, will you stop? You're making me feel dizzy!"

Stephen stopped, sitting down beside Eloy. "Sorry," he said, apologetically. "I'm just so nervous! I don't know how the fans are reacting now- there's been no word from Caroline at all!"

As if on cue, the shrill ring of the telephone interrupted their conversation.

"Hello?" Stephen said.

"Hi," a voice brightly said on the other end of the phone. "It's Caroline.

Stephen gulped, not quite sure whether he wanted to hear what she was going to tell him.

"Well," she said, pausing for a few seconds. "Everything's going to be okay, Steve!"

Stephen gasped in relief. "What do you mean?"

"The fans are supporting you 100%!! I haven't heard one negative comment said about this. All the newspapers are being supportive, all the magazines like Smash Hits, all the kids TV shows, all the radio stations. . . Everyone! The Sun say it's the biggest response they've ever had to a showbiz interview- their phone lines and website have crashed because there's so many people trying to leave messages for you and Eloy! The Boyzone website's crashed, radio 1's phonelines are down. . . And you've had so many messages from celebrities. I've just been speaking to Victoria Adams. She wanted me to tell you not to worry and that everything's going to be fine. The Backstreet Boys have called, Sinead O'Connor, Ritchie from Five. . . Oh, and George Michael just rang to congratulate you."

Stephen stared wide-eyed at Eloy. "Wow," he breathed.

"So, it's all okay! It's going to be fine. I've just been chatting to Louis. Because it's all gone so well, he's going to add loads more concert dates and venues for Christmas, so no need to think your career is over just yet!"

A wide smile broke out on Stephen's face as he contemplated what she just told him. At last, he really felt free. He felt as if he could finally be himself, without all the secrecy. He felt as if him and Eloy could now plan their future together!

After signing off, he told Eloy what Caroline had just told him. Eloy fiercely hugged Stephen. Neither man had stopped grinning since that phonecall from Caroline.

"Let's go for a drive!" Eloy exclaimed, taking Stephen completely by surprise.

"What?"

"It'll be fun! We could go out into the country and just watch the world go by. . . It'll do us good, to get away from it all for a while."

Stephen smiled, liking Eloy's idea more and more each time he thought about it.

"I'll just get my mobile!"

Eloy shook his head as Stephen dashed upstairs to grab his mobile. 'Now, what use is a mobile going to be on a country drive?' Eloy thought to himself. Shaking his head again, Eloy went to open the front door. As he did so, some letters fell from the letterbox. Looking puzzled, Eloy picked them up. They had no postmark on them and so they had obviously been hand delivered.

"What are they?" Stephen asked, as he came down the stairs.

"Letters to us," Eloy replied, still looking puzzled.

"I didn't hear anyone at the door."

"No, neither did I. . ." Shaking his head, Eloy sighed. "Oh, well, we can look at them on our drive."

Placing the letters in his pocket, Eloy followed Stephen outside, ready to go on their country drive.

* * *

Stephen lay on Eloy's shoulder, enjoying the peace and quiet of the beautiful Dutch countryside. Although they were all over the papers that day, at that moment, it felt like time was standing still for them.

Stephen looked up at the sky. "Hey, there's an elephant!"

"Huh?" Eloy looked blindly around, half expecting a big grey elephant to jump out at them.

"No, silly. . . up there!" Stephen giggled, pointing to the sky.

Looking up, Eloy said, "Ohhhhhhh, the clouds! I see what you mean. . . it does look like an elephant! There's a cloud- see the 2 humps?"

Stephen smiled. "Have I ever told you how much I love you?"

Eloy grinned. "Once or twice before. . . but not recently."

"Well, I do. I just want you to know that."

"I love you too."

They lay down for a moment, staring at the clouds in the sky, occasionally pointing out one that looked like an animal.

Suddenly, Eloy remembered the letters in his pocket. Reaching inside, he pulled them out, handing them to Stephen.

"Read them out. I'm curious as to what they are. . ."

Stephen sat up, and began to read them one by one. There were 6 letters and they were all from Dutch fans of both Eloy and Stephen. As Stephen read each one out, he could feel tears welling up in his eyes. They were the most touching letters you could ever imagine. One letter was from a girl whose brother was gay. She spoke of how supportive and proud she was of him- and then went on to say how proud she was of Stephen and Eloy. The final letter was from a girl whose best friend was gay. She spoke of how he had gone round her house that morning and told her that he had seriously been thinking about commiting suicide- but he told her that Stephen and Eloy's story gave him a little bit of hope that everything was going to be alright. The girl wrote at the end, "In a word, you've saved his life and given him some hope and inspiration to hold on to. I know he's not the only person you will help."

Stephen and Eloy sat in contemplative silence for a few moments. Neither spoke a word, but no doubt both were thinking that those letters proved that all the pain had been worth it. For Stephen, however, there were some more hurdles to cross. His first public appearance in the UK in 3 weeks and, more importantly, his first concert in just 2 short days from now. . .

* * *