Relative Values

By 'unknown'

Stephen Gately, 23, who recently declared that he was gay, has been with the group

Boyzone since the age of 15, after answering an advertisement for auditions to which over

2000 people responded. Boyzone have sold 5m albums and 8m singles world-wide. As well as performing with Boyzone, Stephen has had several solo ventures, including recording a song for a new animated film, A Monkey's Tale, due for release next year, and writing for the new Irish boy band Westlife, managed by his colleague Ronan Keating. Stephen is the fourth of five children. His brothers, Mark, 28, Alan, 24, and Tony, 17, all still live in Dublin, where they grew up. His sister Michelle Carr, 25, is married to Alan, an architect, and they have a son, Jordan, 3. She lives near Stephen in County Wicklow.

Stephen:

Seeing Michelle with Jordan makes me remember my childhood. I was very quiet

and introverted. I'd never say anything to anybody. I just sat at the window of our flat for

hours, watching as if it were TV. There were five shops nearby, and right beside them was a

big tree with a shrine to Mary where people could sit and pray. I'd always be asking Michelle, "Could we go and see Mary?" She'd take me and we'd sit down, put our money in and light a candle.

Where we lived in Dublin was quite rough, with a lot of poverty and a certain amount of

crime. I loved growing up there, but our parents really kept an eye on us. They didn't want

any of us getting into trouble. They did a good job. People come up to them and say, "How did you raise such a lovely family?" It was discipline: we had a lot of respect for our parents.

If they said, "Don't do that," we wouldn't do it.

Michelle and I got the groceries for my mam every week. from when I was around 12, I never used a trolley. I'd say, "That's for grannies." So I'd lug the bags two on each shoulder and one hanging from each arm. Once a bottle of washing-up liquid burst - we were so upset and scared. Not having much money, letting something get spoilt was something you just didn't do. After that we'd wrap the washing-up liquid in at least two bags, so if that burst we'd be okay.

We never had holidays; we just used to hang around together. Or have treats like the cinema or winkle-picking on the beach. We used to boil the winkles and sell them on the street.

Michelle thinks she was spoilt because of being the only girl, but she deserved everything

she got. All the boys understood that she'd get treated a little bit differently. But we all got the same love from our parents, so there was never any resentment.

I don't know what she'd have been if she hadn't been a wife and mother. Michelle can talk to anybody, so it'd be something like promotions. Or I'd like to see her act, or host a chat show.

Who knows what she could end up doing - she has quite a wild side to her. But I don't worry about her under-using her potential: she enjoys being home with Jordan. I always knew she'd be a great mother. She looked after all of us when we were little.

We had a good schooling even though it was very tough. I got kicked around a couple of

times when I was 14, but that was it. I stood up to the biggest guy in our class, had a fight

and kind of got the better of him. After that, if there was a fight going on, I got left out. I had a couple of dates when I was at school, but by the time I was 15 I knew they weren't what I wanted. I'm sure some of the other kids noticed that, and that I was different, but I'd won the fights, stood up to the bullies, so I never got any bother from it.

From when I was around 14, I practised my autograph. All the boys at school would laugh.

About two years ago, two of the guys from my class passed me by in town. I stopped to chat and one said: "I remember you sitting in the class signing your autographs - they'd be worth something now." That was really good. But a lot of people are jealous. They'll come up to you in the street and tell you you're crap.

I'm nothing special. Anyone can achieve if they set their mind to it. But I put a lot of effort into the group. We all do. I've just recorded a song for a movie called A Monkey's Tale. The songs are wonderful, and I'm really chuffed that my name's going on the credits. And I wrote a song for Ronan's group Westlife, so I mean, I'm not doing too bad for a 22-year-old who came from nowhere.

The change in me from quiet kid to somebody in the public eye has been difficult - for me and those around me. I feel I have to convince people it's still me. All the boys in the band have stayed ourselves, and that's because of where we come from - Ireland and our

backgrounds.

A load of my old mates said they watched the video for Love Me For A Reason and said, "My God, look at that, you haven't changed a bit." But I have. Well, maybe not the way I look, but inside I've changed enormously. I used to be paranoid about what people thought of me - upset, depressed. I just wanted to close the door behind me and stay in all the time. I was closed and unhappy and not right in myself. I felt: "I can't deal with this." Maybe because I felt I couldn't be totally myself. I desperately wanted to be a pop star, but decided early on I couldn't do that and be gay. I had to keep it to myself; being honest would mean saying goodbye to fame. I was so desperate to succeed and thought if suppressing my true feelings was the way to do it, then so be it.

But then I began to feel I had to tell someone. So about a year after joining Boyzone, I told Michelle. She was brilliant, she just smiled and said: "I always thought you were." It took a bit longer to tell the rest of my family, but they were all really good about it. Knowing that they understood and supported me helped with the pressure that was building up. I was the only one in the band that didn't have a girlfriend or wife. Journalists often asked me if I was seeing anyone and I always managed to evade the issue without telling a lie. But the whole thing gave me sleepless nights. When I found out someone was trying to sell the story that I was gay, I decided I wanted the fans to hear it from me.

Michelle's helped me an awful lot. She'd sit with me and talk. And now the lads are saying:

"We've never seen you happier in all the six years we've been together." The change came

about from wanting to change. It was the power of positive thinking. I still doubt myself

sometimes, but I'm learning to switch the negative thoughts round. I read a lot of meditational books, and I've been getting a lot of healing - lights and acupuncture and stuff. But I'm going to need that less now. The support I've had from the fans has been fantastic, and I know I can be myself now.

Michelle and I know how to make each other chill out. She's a carefree person, although I

know she worries a lot inside. I need someone like her in my life - she's very genuine and

she's always straight with me. I can say anything to her and she won't judge me for it. The

love she has for me is not to do with what I am. She knows who I am, and what my heart and soul is, and there's not many that do.

Michelle:

My mum was quite busy with the five of us, so she always used to get me to mind Stephen. I'd take him and Tony out. Mum would be looking out of the window keeping an eye on us at all times. He was a good kid: a very smiley, good-humoured child. He was always happy until you did something wrong - like if one of the boys took one of his toys - and then he'd sulk. But Stephen never made a big fuss. He was a soft child, a lot softer than the rest of us. I always thought I had to look after him more than the others. If the boys were ganging up on Stephen, I'd protect him.

When we were very young, we all shared the one room. Then, when we moved, I got my own room and Stephen used to come in all the time and chat away. And we went out a lot

together. I'd go off shopping for my mum and I'd always drag Stephen along to help. He

didn't like it one bit and we often rowed about it. So there were bad times as well, but never anything serious. Neither of us can stay angry for long - we always end up laughing.

Stephen was amazingly shy as a boy. At around six he started coming out of his shell a little, then all of a sudden at eight he became a completely different person - a lot more

determined than the rest of us. He always did well at school. The teachers doted on him

because he was a cute little kid, and he worked hard.

When he was 12, he asked for singing and dancing lessons. I don't know where it came from - maybe something he saw on TV. Our mother and father were really supportive, but nobody we knew had done singing or dancing before. My folks had to ask him: "Where do we go?" So he found the place and they let him go. And right away, he did really well at it. I don't ever remember Stephen singing at home. It was just so quick - suddenly he wanted to do the singing and dancing, and he was so good they asked him to teach the younger children at the community centre after school. Then, in no time, he was telling me about this audition for five guys to be in a band.

When he got the first interview, he asked me: "Do you think I'll get in?" But mostly it was like, "I am getting this." I remember meeting him for a coffee and Stephen saying: "It's down to the last 50 people." He was pretty confident. Then he was down to 20 and he sang Careless Whisper by George Michael. My parents wanted him to get it, but didn't really what was going on. When he did, it was brilliant - there'd been nothing like it in Ireland. The family was very shocked.

The first thing that happened after he got in Boyzone was the Late, Late Show which is a big thing in Ireland. They'd only come up with a name for the band that day, and Gay Byrne asked, could he have them on the show. They'd barely met and they had to perform together for the first time on a live show. I got a phone call from Stephen an hour before saying he was going to be on it. I was at the airport, so I couldn't watch it with my family. It felt so strange. I was so proud. And, oh my God, I was all nervous for him, just hoping it would go off all right. They all did a great job and it was just like, "Wow!" I was very, very surprised. I hadn't known he was that natural.

I talk to Stephen every day. Mostly I leave a message for him, saying: "You're going off

tomorrow and your flight is at this time." And he'll call on the way to the airport and say: "I got your message Michelle, and don't worry - I'll catch the flight." We're always on the phone. He leaves really long messages, they're like conversations. They really make me laugh. All the rest of the band know it's me he's calling and say: "Oh there we go - another long message to Michelle."

I'm a very calm person. Stephen is as well, but if he ever does get a bit upset he'll ring me

and I say: "Don't you worry, Everything's fine." Or if I ever think he's a bit down, I ring and crack a joke on the phone and tell him to call back and let me know what he's thinking. I worry about the amount of work he does. He gets so tired.

He's still the same person - so close to me and his family. Sometimes when I see him in a

show in a big stadium I feel near to tears: "oh my god, that's my brother up there." He's

surrounded by so many people, but when I look at him up on stage I feel a tear coming into my eye because he looks so alone up there.

I sometimes want to drop Jordan at my mother's and have a relaxing time out with Stephen, but he'll never let me. He took Jordan to the zoo recently; he was like a big kid showing him the monkeys and the elephants. He doesn't get to relax much - even in the zoo he was always being stopped for his autograph. No matter how tired he is, Stephen's always willing to sign something. He's very good with the fans. All the lads know it's part of their job, and that it only stops when they get home and close the front door.

The only time I get to see Stephen on my own is in my house or his. Other than that, we go to restaurants and I have to share him with everybody there. I don't resent it, but there are a couple of fans that are always coming up to my house and I draw the line there - that's my space. Stephen and I both like to party, but going to parties is like work for him now, so our favourite thing is to have a few close friends and family at his house. It's our time together.

Time when I don't have to share him with anybody.