Ahh, Family. They are the only people in one man's life that can have an impact on him that will last a lifetime. Which is why I am the way that I am. Here is a little information that will lead you into the world of me.
Ladies and Gentlemen, assume crash positions.
My Mother
My Mother, probably the most influencial person in my life...next to my Dad. She has taught me how to cook, clean, and wipe my ass. Hell, she even taught me how to sew. But it isn't the things she has taught me how to do that have made a difference, it is the things she has taught me how NOT to do. For instance:
- When smelling freshly baked goods right from the oven, don't put your nose directly on the product (it hurts)
- When using knives, always watch for blood before making the next cut
- When pre-heating the oven, remove all plastic wear your were hiding from company, from inside.
- Always put plastic bowl on the top rack of the dishwasher
- If something says "Not Dishwasher Safe", don't put it in the dishwasher.
- When backing out of the garage, don't take it for granted that everything behind you is clear. Look First.
- If something smells burnt, it probably is.
- If you don't know 'em, bake 'em a cake.
My Father
He has, by far had the most impact on me. By no choice of my own, I am turning out to be my father's son. A chip off the ole' block. An apple that didn't fall far from the tree. Many things he has taught me. Grammer has been the most rewarding and fulfilling thing he has learnt me. He done learned me well in that there category.
Other things he has taught me
- Measure once, cut twice
- Always keep plenty of oil-dry around to soak up the blood
- Don't distract a man when he is using a 3lb sledge hammer
- When cleaning the gutters in the rain, always make sure the ladder you are on is on hard ground
- Never hang from rain gutters, they're not held in by much
- Don't come home after work and yell "What's for dinner"
- Always wear socks and shoes when working outside
- Never put your hand under a jack-stand
- Always label the breaker box in ink
- Don't wear flamable clothing while welding
- Don't put 1/2 ton of salt on 1/4 ton leaf springs
- Make sure everything is plum, level, and square before putting any nails in it
- When building something, make sure no one, not even you, can move it.
My Brother
My Brother has taught me the importance of having someone who feels the same way you do about your parents.
Many people out there haven't had the opportunity to have a sibling, and probably never will. Well, let me tell ya, it's not always like what they show on TV. You know:
Brother #1..."Hey brother, lets go shopping"
Brother #2..."Ok Brother, after that, let's pick up chicks at the beach"
It's not always like that.
It more often is like:
Brother #1..."Hey, you piece of shit, what the hell are you doing?"
Brother #2..."What the hell does it look like, I'm humping the dog!"