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catcat's Trek Episode 8 (War Affair ---- Part 1/2)

In DS9, most of the time our good people are dealing with the Cardassian. Let's have a look this time how does the Enterprise handle them.

< Scene >: Outer space, Enterprise in impulse power speed. Picard: (voice) Captain's log, stardate 10008.00. The Enterprise has finished her last mission early and we're having a 2 days free time. We've decided to go for a party in Ten Forward.

< Scene >: Ten Forward (Riker playing trumpet, Troi eating chocolate whatever, Worf sitting with Geordi, Picard and Beverly talking to Guinan. A crowdy happy place)

< Scene >: Main Bridge Data:   Wesley, if you like to, you can join the other crew members at Ten Forward. Wesley:   That's ok Data, I'd rather to be here. (Wesley randomly press a few buttons on the helm, even when it's set to auto already) Wesley:   (act curious) Data, there's something weird. Data:   What is it Wesley? Wesley:   I've detected something in front of us! Data:   It is not possible. Wesley:   You don't even look! Come here! Data:   Wesley, that is a helm console you are playing with, you can not detect anything from it. Secondly, those "weird" things you are looking at, are the grease stains you have left on the console from eating those KFC about 10 minutes and 2.1396 seconds ago. Wesley:   (wiping the console) Oh yeah. I guess you're right. (pause) So there's nothing happening, huh? Data:   I do not think so. Wesley:   Damn, the Bridge sucks! I'm going to Ten Forward. You want anything? Data:   (thinking) I want you out of my sight. (talk) Nothing. (after Wesley's gone, Data pick up a copy of "Play-droid" and start reading)

< Scene >: Ten Forward (Wesley walk in and heading to the dessert table) Wesley:   (getting himself a chocolate sundae) Hi Counsellor! Troi:   (mouth full, all covering with chocolate sauce) Hey boy! What are you doing!? Wesley:   Enjoying the party. Troi:   Get off here, they're all mine! You stay here one more nano second, I'll kick your genius axx! Wesley:   Alright! Alright! I'm leaving. Geez! Troi:   What!? You call me a bitch!? Don't think I don't know that, I can sense it telepathically! Wesley:   You need telepathic power to know this? Besides, it's not just from me, it's from everyone else in here! (run away) Troi:   Take this you scum! (then throw a bowl of chocolate sundae at the running Wesley) (while talking to Beverly, a bowl of sundae hits Picard right into his face) Picard:   Damn! Who did this!? Troi:   I ... I ... I'm sorry Sir. (Picard rushes to Troi and force her head into another bowl of sundae) Data:   (voice) Captain Picard report to the Bridge. Picard:   Damn! Not now Data! Data:   I am sorry to interrupt Sir, but I think there is something you should know. Picard:   (released Deanna's head) Alright Mr. Data. I'm on my way. (Troi coughing) Picard:   Next time you did this, I'm going to put your head into a bowl of hot sauce! (then leave Ten Forward)

< Scene >: Main Bridge Picard:   (stepping out of the turbo lift) Report Mr. Data. Data:   I have detected some strange energy patterns under the E-band. Picard:   E-band? What could it be? Could it be a cloaked ship? Data:   Anything is possible Sir. However, we are close to the Cardassian border and there is no record about the existence of cloaking devices in Cardassia. If a cloaked ship exists, it should be the USS Defiant. Picard:   Defiant? I don't think so. Keep your eyes on this Data. (hit comm-batch) Mr. La Forge, we need you here. Geordi:   (voice) Aye Captain. Data:   Sir, I suggest to send a class I sensor probe to get some detail readings. Picard:   Make it so! (Geordi step in) Data:   Geordi, I have detected some energy patterns under the E-band, I am programming a probe for further investigations. Geordi:   I can program the probe for you Data, you keep monitoring the sensors. Data:   Captain, the energy patterns have been following us for 500 km already. Picard:   (hit comm-batch) Senior officers report to the Bridge. Geordi:   One juicy class I sensor probe ready Sir! Picard:   Launch. (viewer shows a probe launching) Data:   ... I receive ... nothing from the probe. It is not even activated. Picard:   Mr. La Forge? (Riker, Troi, Beverly, Worf and Wesley come in) Geordi:   I don't know why Sir. Let me check again. Riker:   What is it Sir? Picard:   I've found some energy patterns under the E-band following us! Data:   "I" Sir? Picard:   Yes! I! I'm the Captain, I found them, not you! Data:   (whispering) No wonder why android promoting so slowly. Picard:   And Geordi's just programmed and launched a probe which isn't functioning. Worf:   May I have a look Sir? Geordi:   Be my guest. Worf:   (laugh) Ha Ha ... You idiot forget to put a ";" at the end of this line! See? Ha ha ... Geordi:   (angry) Sir! Lieutenant Worf had programmed the probe incorrectly and I've debugged it! Worf:   (angry) I programmed it incorrectly!? And you debugged it!? Geordi:   I am the Lieutenant Commander, I debugged it! Worf:   Rrrr......!!!!!! Geordi:   (scare) Alright! Alright! You debugged it! Permission to leave the Bridge Captain! Picard:   Granted. (Geordi rushes into the turbo lift with both hands covering his head) Worf:   Probe's ready Sir. Picard:   Launch. Worf:   Class I sensor probe launched. Data:   I am receiving more enhanced signals from the probe ... It's signals are distorted for about 26.3963 seconds and back to normal. Riker:   What's this means? Data:   This means it is highly possible that there is a cloaked ship following the Enterprise. Riker:   Go to yellow alert! Worf:   Should we raise shields Sir? Picard:   Interesting question. Number One? Riker:   If we raise our shields after launching the probe, the cloaked ship will know we realize it. Picard:   Do you want to know who they are? Riker:   How delightful! Picard:   All stop Ensign. Raise shields Mr. Worf. Wesley:   All stop Sir. Worf:   Shields up! Troi:   Captain! (everyone looking at the main viewer) Picard:   (whispering) One juicy cloak capable Cardassian attack cruiser.

< Scene >: Outer space, a Cardassian attack cruiser decloaked behine the Enterprise.

< Scene >: Main Bridge Riker:   Red alert! Worf:   They are hailing us Sir! Picard:   Open the channel. (pause) I'm Captain Jean Luc Picard of the Federation starship Enterprise, Cardassian vessel, please introduce yourself to us. Riker:   Introduce, Sir? Picard:   Just want to start friendly Number One. Cardassian:   (on main viewer) Greetings Captain Picard. I am Gul Wilgates. Picard:   How nice to see you in Federation space Gul Wilgates. May I assist you in anything? Wilgates:   My sincere apology Captain Picard. It must have been my old navigating systems. Picard:   Shall we guide you back across the border? Wilgates:   I think we can find our own way back Picard. But may I ask why does the Federation send a galaxy class flag ship travelling so close to the Cardassian border? Picard:   We are just simply, travelling. Wilgates:   Liar! The Federation must be planning an attack on Cardassia! A flag ship is here and an entire fleet follows, isn't it!? The Defiant has a cloaking device and now all your ships has one! Lucky us, we get a copy from the Klingon. This time we're not going to lose! You f-< beep >-king human ... Who!? Who censored my speech!? Worf:   I did it! (everyone looks back) Picard:   Mr. Worf? Worf:   According to the Prime Directive, it is not allowed to say bad words in front of the audiences! Wilgates:   Damn that Prime Directive! Picard:   Well done Mr. Worf. Wilgates:   That's enough! Take this Enterprise! Picard:   Wait! This is not right! We're not intended to attack Cardassia at all! We are ... the good guys! Wilgates:   Liar! Look at your bumper sticker! It says: "Eat my dust!"! I have been eating your dust for an hour! Take this! Worf:   They're firing spiral-wave disruptors! (screen shaking)

< Scene >: Outer space, the Cardassian attack cruiser firing at the Enterprise

To be continued ...