• 1. Only in America......can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.
• 2. Only in America......are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink.
• 3. Only in America......do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.
• 4. Only in America......do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke.
• 5. Only in America......do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.
• 6. Only in America......do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.
• 7. Only in America......do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place.
• 8. Only in America......do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.
• 9. Only in America......do we use the word 'politics' to describe the process so well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking creatures'.
• 10. Only in America......do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering.

In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods:

• 1. On Sears hairdryer: "Do not use while sleeping". [Gee, that's the only time I have to work on my hair]
• 2. On a bag of Fritos: "You could be winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside". [Evidently, the shoplifter special]
• 3. On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap." [And that would be how...?]
• 4. On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestions: Defrost." [But it's *just* a suggestion]
• 5. On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom of box): "Do not turn upside down". [Oops, too late!]
• 6. On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating". [As sure as night follows the day . .. ..]
• 7. On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body". [But wouldn't this save even more time?]
• 8. On Boot's Children's Cough Medicine: "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication". [We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.]
• 9. On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness" [One would hope]
• 10. On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only". [As opposed to what?]
• 11. On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use". [I gotta admit, I'm curious].
• 12. On Sainsbury's peanuts: "Warning: Contains nuts". [NEWS FLASH]
• 13. On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: open packet, eat nuts." [Step 3: Fly Delta]
• 14. On a child's Superman costume: Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly". [I don't blame the company. I do blame parents for this one!]