Humor

Marriage Liscense
A couple arrived at town hall seconds before closing time, and caught a judge just as he was about to
leave, and asked him to marry them. He asked if they had a license and, when they didn't, sent
them off to get one. They caught the town clerk just as he was locking up, and got the license from him. When they got back to the judge, he pointed out
they had filled the names in backwards -- his where hers belonged and vice versa. They rushed back to the clerk's
office, caught him again, and got another license. This time, the judge noticed that the clerk had
filled in the date in the wrong format. Again they catch the clerk... After five reissued licenses, the
judge is finally satisfied. Judge: "I hope you appreciate why I made you keep
going back. If there are irregularities in the license, your marriage would not be legal, and any children
you might have would be technical bastards." Groom: "That's funny - that's just what the clerk called you."

Blonde Hallmark cards
The popular blonde cheerleader bounced into the local card shop, looked around, then approached the clerk. "Do you have
any, like, real special birthday cards?" she asked. "Yes, we do," he replied. "As a matter of fact, here's a new
one inscribed, 'To the Boy Who Got My Cherry.'" "Wow, neat!" she squealed. "I'll take the whole damn box."
~~~

Waiting in line
In a long line of people waiting for a bank teller, one guy suddenly started massaging the back of the person in front
of him. Surprised, the man in front turned and snarled,"Just what the hell you are doing?"
"Well," said the guy, "you see, I'm a chiropractor and Icould see that you were tense, so I had to massage your
back. Sometimes I just can't help practicing my art!""That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard!" the guy
replied. "Im a lawyer. Do you see me screwing the guy in front of me?"

Doggie Wonderland
Dog tags ring, are you listenin'? In the lane, snow is glistenin'.
It's yellow, NOT white - I've been there tonight, Marking up my winter wonderland.
Smell that tree? That's my fragrance. It's a sign for wand'ring vagrants;
"Avoid where I pee, it's MY pro-per-ty! Marked up as my winter wonderland."
In the meadow dad will build a snowman, following the classical design.
Then I'll lift my leg and let it go Man, So all the world will know it's
mine-mine-mine! Straight from me to the fencepost,
flows my natural incense boast; "Stay off of my TURF, this small piece of earth,
I marked it as my winter wonderland.

What do you believe in

Horseback Riding

A blonde decides to try horesback riding, even though she has had no lessons or prior experience. She mounts the horse unassisted and the horse immediately
springs into motion. It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins to slip from the saddle. In terror, she grabs for the horse's main, but cannot
seem to get a firm grip. She tries to throw her arms around the horse's neck, but she slides down the side of the horse anyway. The horse gallops along, seemingly
oblivious to its slipping rider. Finally, givin up her frail grip, she leaps away from the horse to try and throw herself to safety. Unfortunately, her foot has become
entangled in the stirrup and she is now at the mercy of the horse's pounding hooves as her head is struck against the ground again and again. As her head is battered
against the ground, she is a few seconds away from unconsciousness when..................................... the Wal-Mart manager runs out to shut the horse off.  

The Poopie File



Ghost Poopie -- The kind where you feel the poopie come out, but there is no poopie in the toilet.
Clean Poopie -- The kind where you poopie it out, see it in the toilet, but there is nothing on the toilet paper.
Wet Poopie -- The kind where you wipe your butt 50 times and it still feels unwiped, so you put some toilet paper between your butt and your underwear
so you won't ruin them with a stain.
Second Wave Poopie -- It happens when you're doing pooping and you've pulled your pants up to your knees, and you realize that you have to poopie
some more.
Pop a Vein in Your Forehead Poopie -- The kind where you have to strain so much to get it out and you practically have a stroke.
Richard Simmons Poopie -- You poopie so much, you lose thirty pounds.
Lincoln Log Poopie -- The kind of poopie that is so huge, you're afraid to flush without breaking it into little pieces with the toilet brush.
Gassey Poopie -- It is so noisy, everyone within earshot is giggling.
Drinker Poopie -- The kind of poopie you have the morning after a long night of drinking. Its most noticeable trait is the trademarks on the bottom of the
toilet.
Corn Poopie -- Self Explanatory!!
Gee, I Wish I Could Poopie Poopie -- It is the kind where you want to poopie, but all you do is sit on the toilet, cramped, and fart a few times.
Spinal Tap Poopie -- That is where it hurts so bad coming out, you'd swear it was coming out sideways.
Wet Cheeks Poopie (The Power Dump) -- The kind that comes out of your butt so fast, your butt cheeks get splashed with water.
Liquid Poopie -- The kind where yellowish-brown liquid shoots out your butt and splashes all over the toilet bowl.
Mexican Food Poopie -- It smells so bad, the room must be condemned.
Upper Class Poopie -- For people who think their poopie don't smell.
Fisherman's Bobber Poopie -- That's the kind where you are in a public rest room, there are two people waiting for your stall, you poopie and flush two
times, butseveral golf ball sized poopies remain.

----Author uknown