WORMHOLE

Anybody have the directions to Chrichton's wormhole? I have really had enough of this reality. Ready to join the crew, if they'll have me!

SwordandMug -- Aye Laddie

That's a winning idea. They have more cells on Moya. Just think of the parties that we could have!

ArtistStudio -- There is an application and extensive

You can get the form from your dentist by asking during any minor dental surgery.

The application must be completed in triplicate and the form must be flawless. You must then shred the application into precicise 1/4 inch strips, preserve with lacqer inside a 2-foot square concrete box buried about 4 feet down in the middle of your maternal grandmother's back yard (at the last place of residence).

Notify truthseeker who will notify me. I will notify brothermoser who will go forward in his time machine to the date when your box is discovered by alien archeologists. They will put the application together, return with brothermoser to pick you up and soon you will be tending a dentic farm or working the tanet root fields on the other side of the great wormhole . . . from there, you're on your own!

TickTick -- Got my bags all packed

But maybe I should reconsider taking so much. Rygel'd just steal it. Or Chiana.

I've been thinking about standing in a field at night and hitching a ride on a passing Prowler...or do you think that the PKs would be receptive to hitchhikers?

They'd probably think that I would contaminate them.

Still...like Sword said, there's plenty o' room on the good ship Moya. We wouldn't be in the way. Unless they ran out of food cubes.

If I brought some chocolate I bet Crichton would let me on board! That's the ticket!

(who's lost a lot of sleep from waiting around in her neighbor's field at night)

SwordandMug -- TickTick: To quote Chrichton

"Just hang in there a minute baby and we'll come and go together..."

Nah, PKs don't pick up hitchhikers--they shoot em BUT Stanz might give us a ride!

TickTick -- ‘Kay Sword...But let me hold my breath

not so much for waiting for you, but to prepare myself for a cruise on the SS Garbologist!

I'm bringing chocolate and beer to buy us a cell on Moya. Think the crew would enjoy it. And Crichton would like a taste of home.

Pick me up, anytime, Sword. (I'll be the cute one with the bad Chiana haircut showing my shapely legs by the side of the road) ;)

Annisette -- Tick, are you sure.....? look at the state

Those bells are a bit dangerous, I think....

TickTick -- oh yeah, bells

The sounds of Latin music must've drowned them out for a minute. I was so busy stuffing chocolate and beer into my suitcase I hadn't noticed them.

Now that I have...OW OW OW my side! I'm laughing so hard!

Still... the chance to take a trip through a wormhole. Besides, people in the Uncharted Territories wouldn't notice if I were traveling with a guy who had bells and cotton tied in his hair. They all dress weird there anyway.

Or would they notice?

(who is weighing the options of staying here or traveling with Sword in his current state...)

SwordandMug -- ooh, la, la

Okay, I'll be the one looking like Crais stand-in (although I will HOPEFULLY be minus these bells in my hair by then Annisette and In2scifi! [squints in their direction in his best Clint Eastwood impression]).

I bring a box of the pine tree air fresheners for the trip and some coffee to go with the chocolate. We hang those little trees around the ship in hopes of creating some sort of breathable atmosphere.

Oh yeah, I'll stop at the flea market and pick up a case of those ugly Trolls to use for fuel...

...see you out in the field!

Annisette -- Sure, PINE SCENT & XMAS BELLS....

GET A RED SUIT, USE THE LEFTOVER COTTON FOR A WHITE BEARD...

SWORD YOU COULD BE THE FARSCAPE SANTA ON MOYA...

I CAN SEE IT NOW....

Tick what do you think?

FELICE NAVIDAD, YA'ALL!

TickTick -- Sword, do you have “new leviathan” scent

(Hee Hee) Just kidding. Pine scent will remind me of my lovely Bama woods.

Troll dolls? Finally, a use for those things!! But keep'em in their box, they frighten me.

So you look like Crais. (hopefully without the demented "I left my brain in the Uncharted Territories 'cause Crichton and my bro had a wreck" look on his face) Hmm...very interesting. As for me, the dandelion cut isn't very becoming, and neither is the new white hair dye. But by the time you get those bells out of your hair, it should be faded and/or grown out!

TickTick -- Hey Anni, great idea (heh heh)

With my pointed ears and puffy hair I could be one of the elves (I'm almost short enough to be anyway).

I bet Sword'd really enjoy hearing the crew's Christmas wishes:

Rygel: my harem and some berries, plus whatever everyone else is getting

D'Argo: my son (or a new qualta blade; salve for his tongue? :)

Zhaan: that mysterious Fourth sensation

Aeryn: (can't think of anything but I bet Sword will enjoy having her sitting on his lap {evil grin})

scapeone -- Take me with you :) :) :) :) :) NT

Annisette -- See, you see it too. LOL

I'm sorry....I can't stop laughing today....I better stop before I damage something internally!!!!!!!!

SwordandMug -- Ho ho ho!

That's enough to convince me. I'm getting a red suit.

"A new pulse rifle? You'll shoot your eye out kid!"

TickTick -- I think I lost my pancreas...

or was that my spleen?

I have been rolling around here laughing so hard. The library patrons think I am insane.

The vision of D'Argo sitting on SwordasSanta's lap and saying: "yes I have been a good Luxon this year" AAHHHHH!

Sword: Rygel, would you like a candy cane?

Rygel: yes. And call me Eminence. (Rygel procedes to eat the candy as well as part of Sword's Santa suit)

TickTick the Christmas elf laughs so hard she trips over the Christmas bag and falls over Aeryn's pulse rifle.

Aeryn: are all females on your planet this clumsy, Crichton? And do all males wear bells in their hair?

Crichton: Oh man I am so embarrassed. TickTick, get off the floor.

Chiana: Why the frell does she have my hairstyle?

TickTick: Oh, oh, oh, help me I can't stop laughing.

Crichton: Are we back in the yellow dimension again?

Sword: get this big Luxon off my lap. He's disheveling my Christmas bells!

Zhaan: now will everyone please calm down. (Helps TickTick off the floor). By the way, will my Fourth sensation be giftwrapped?

TickTick sputters: with a bow?!?

Zhaan: when you care enough to send the _very_ best...

Annisette -- Since I’m such a softy

AND SWORD was AFRAID of THE RAIN and the possible damaging effects of RUST on his FLOWING LOCKS.... I kindly

unbraided all but one the BELLS.....

BUT BOY IS THAT ONE A BIGGIE! LOOKS LIKE A COW BELL!

Don't know where that one came from.....

Tee hee hee! Thanks Tick.... tee hee hee.

TickTick -- Well, now Sword’s really a leader...

I guess you could call him the "Bell Cow" of our little expedition.

Still, his Santa getup just won't be the same without the bells.

But at least I won't look so silly traipsing along to a commerce planet with Sword...

Wait. Exactly _where_ is that bell again?

Godallmitey -- Been there, done that!

My species is now into interdimensional and time travel. (Oh by the way, your grandmother really was cute baby.)

TickTick -- So maybe you can help us find a ride...

Got any friends out there who could give our merry band a lift? We will pay in beer and chocolate, and we have Trolls for fuel.

Besides, they won't miss Christmas (we have a Santa and an elf; we come bearing gifts)!

(who's tiring of waiting and eating the chocolate...)

Godallmitey -- Yeah, that can be arranged..

Go out on your front lawn tonight around 11 PM, when the planet Saturn is high in the Southwest quadrant of the sky. Then (now this is important!), take off all your clothes and yell as loudly as you can in the direction of the North Star, "Here I am! Here I am! Come get me! Come get me!" I guarantee your transportation will be arranged. Trust me!

TickTick -- Um...little too cold for that, thanks.

I think I will just wait for the solar flare activity to pick up before I try that.

TickTick (who is very selfconscious at this moment)

brothermoser -- The time machine is in standby mode!

I'm still trying to install the worm hole generator I got from 2106 AD. It keeps flushing the toilet every time I engage it. I'll let you know when its up and running. By the way, I have interdimensional shielding in case we're fired upon. I afraid we don't have the energy reserves for any offensive weaponry.

TickTick -- Well....I can bring some extra fuel

We got some Troll dolls and the good ole' standby PUNCH OF DOOM!!!!

That should be more than enough to power up offensive weaponry.

Or we can just get Sword and Mug to jump up and down when there's danger, he could signal to use with his cowbell and we will know to run. :)

In2scifi -- Since you are all intent on leaving

I thought I'd sing this little ditty for you:

Shot Sword for his underwear and

Sword: Oh...Oh my goodness! I'm SO sorry In2scifi. I so hate that you were in close proximity

to my head as I turned to look in the direction of that hideous singing.

Annisette: She's out. You weren't kidding those bells really are heavy, huh?

TickTick: How did one swipe knock her out?

Sword: I don't know..she's got a hard head.

Annisette: Oh..you hit her under the right jaw bone.. see...these funny indentions here...looks

like those star openings on the bells.

<<Sword gently picks In2scifi up and then slings her over his shoulder like a sack of potatos...>>

brothermoser: Where are you going?

Sword: Don't leave without me...I'll be right back.

AristStudio: Don't you think we ought to have DocCamille look at her...she's turning white.

Sword: Don't worry..I've got it all figured out. I know a great place for In2 to gain consciousness..

and it just so happens to be empty. I won't leave her there...too long. heh heh

<<The others look after Sword as he saunders back into the Dominion house with a limp In2scifi thrown over his shoulder..>>

<<leaped passes them by on his way out of the Dominion house to join the others..>>

leaped: So what's the deal? Santa's bringin' girls to good little boys this year? Do they all look as dead as In2?

Annisette: It's a long story...but I have a feeling I know where he's going.

Artist: Yeah we'll cut her down later. I'll give her a tube of toothpaste and a new REACH toothbrush and she'll be as good as new.

TickTick: Well we've got to admit...she provoked him. We tried to warn her that he wasn't numb anymore.

<<Group looks at each other and busts out laughing>>

SwordandMug -- Godallmitey! It worked!

I did just like you said. I went out on the front lawn, took off all of my clothes (Spiderman Underoos don't count as clothes, right? I left those on...), turned to the North Star, and shouted "Come and get me! Come and get me!" A vortex of some sort must have opened because all the lights on the street suddenly turned on and shortly thereafter I was blinded by this bright light, told to stand where I was, and was beamed aboard this vehicle with bright red and blue flashing lights. We did not go through a wormhole or anything. Heck, we never got off the ground, but these nice guys in white shirts gave me a coat, that did not fit. The arms were too long, so to keep me from tripping on them, they had to tie them behind me. Well, they gave me these little food cubes, and boy! I feel like I'm being transported now! This is the only way to travel!

Annisette -- In2Scifi where’re you? Tap if you hear

BANG, CLANG, BANG, THUD, BANG.

Loud resounding noises alert the gang to In2scifi's presence somewhere deep in the Dominion House!

leaped: Hey that must be her!!!!

TickTick: Oh, YA THINK.

Annisette: Well, SWORD must have thought that he put her back into that closet...I'm sure he didn't mean...well,maybe he did, the drycleaning tickets and all... but the LAUNDRY SHUTE. Goes all the way to the basement!

ArtistStudio: The RENOVATIONS! We installed a huge...

Annisette: I KNOW... lets HURRY, before the SPIN CYCLE!

The gang rushes down to the basement, practically flying...down and down.....to the HUGE commercial WASHING MACHINE in the RENOVATED BASEMENT.

TickTick: Thank goodness, SHE'S only in the SOAK cycle.

leaped starts to climb over the edge and get in the sudsy water with In2scifi... who looks awfully clean.

In2scifi: What the FRELL...this isn't THE HOT TUB!

leaped looks a little sheepish but hey he tried.

In2scifi: AND where is SWORD??????? He was acting strange...even for him... TALKING ABOUT SPIDEY THIS AND SPIDEY THAT?????

The gang looks back and forth and helps In2scifi out of the washer.

Annisette: Well, seems he ate some of TICKTICK's brownies..

TickTick: Chocolate food cubes...

Annisette: Food cubes...whatever...anyway seems she added a special ingredient...

In2scifi: PUNCH OF DOOM?

Annisette: PUNCH OF DOOM.

Artist: Well, he thought he was Santa...THEN SPIDERMAN...But then the FULL DOOM KICK uh KICKED in... and

Annisette: and he thought,um thinks, he's the CRIMSON PIRATE! The RED SANTA SHIRT and ALL. But with the swords...well, HE kept saying "En GARDE" and "Parry this D'argo"...very scary.

leaped: yea they put in a really SOFT ROOM.

TICKTICK: Is that the one with BURT LANCASTER?

ArtistStudio: Yes, I believe so, its been digitally remastered, great sound quality.

In2scifi: Should we visit him, you know, show support?

TickTick: I'll make the popcorn!

Annisette: I'm there

leaped can't stop laughing

ArtistStudio: The Welcomewagon goes where there is need.

In2scifi: Anybody got a blow dryer?

SwordandMug -- Editor’s note:

As you may have noted in the continuing saga of the Punch of Doom, SWORDandMUG is not presently in what is generally referred to as a sane state of mind...

{Hey, considering who he usually hangs out with, is he ever?}

<Hush, I'm talking to these people right now...>

...after partaking of TickTick's kind offering of brown food-like cubes...

{What people? What are you talking about?}

...and is not presently writing his own script. Let us await the next installment to see just what happens to him next.

We now return you to your regularly scheduled programming.

Annisette: I believe Sword is really losing it here. He's been having an argument with himself.

In2scifi: Who's winning? [holding ice pack against her bell-bruised jaw]

ArtistStudio: Fascinating! Where is DocCamille? I am certain she would find this be a clinically productive study.

Truthseekr: How's your head? ...oooh, that's going to be a nice star-shaped mark there!

Leaped: Man! Just look at his eyes! I haven't seen anything that far gone since I was at a Dead concert. ...Hey everybody! Get back to your seats! It looks like the intermission is over. [grabs a huge bowel of popcorn]

TickTick [to Leaped]: Brownie?

Godallmitey -- So Sword, how are you enjoying....

your alternate reality? Quite a change of pace, no? Plus you've got all those friendly attendants to see to your needs now.

TickTick -- Well...the recipe may need a few tweaks

TickTick: Gimme some of that popcorn, Annisette. Leaped has eaten almost all of my brownies. I'm getting hungry waiting for Sword's next move.

In2: (checking her bruised chin in a mirror) Well, now I look like Crichton after a normal day. Whose idea was it to leave the cow bell on?

Annisette: umm...mine. TickTick agreed that it would make a good warning signal in case of PK attack, though!

TickTick: (mouthful of popcorn) Mmmmshmmm, Anmnnnshffmm! DmmInTmmm meemffff!

In2: Well, that is a very good point, Tick. (Wrings out her hair, creating a large puddle on the floor)

Leaped carefully places the last piece of brownie on the floor and stands up slowly. The Group notices that his eyes have become wide and glassy.

Annisette: Ummmm.... Leaped? You okay?

TickTick: Think I went overboard on that PUNCH OF DOOM? I mean, I stopped as soon as the brownies started smelling like hydraulic fluid.

In2: What?!? Oh, no, Tick. _Way_ too much. (To Annisette) we should never let the newbies take that PUNCH home!

Leaped watches Sword, who has resumed his earlier pattern of walking in circles. Sword begins to murmer "spin and rinse, spin and rinse, spin and rinse, In2... Jingle Boy's gotta surprise for you..." over and over. Leaped hops back and forth, his big boots thumping in time to Sword's words.

Leaped: Jingle Boy, Jingle Boy, let's all go watch Jingle Boy!!!

In2: Hey, Leaped. We _are_ watching Jingle Boy. Sit down and have some popcorn. (To TickTick) First Sword's back off the wagon, and now Leaped! Do you see what you have done?

TickTick: Yeah... (grins) Now we have twice the entertainment.

Leaped prances around and slips in the puddle formed from In2's wet hair. As he falls, he knocks over the bowl of popcorn.

Annisette: Oh, no! Now what will we eat?

TickTick opens up her suitcase (which is still packed for the trip)

TickTick: I have some more brownies...

In2: Anni! (looks at the delicious chocolate cubes filled with PUNCH-no, with Love) Now that you mention it... I am in the mood for chocolate...

TickTick: (giggling) I wonder how these will affect Moya's crew. Maybe I should make some more before we leave...

godallmitey -- By the way Sword, I forgot to ask

Have you run into Ted Kaczynski in the looney b...oops, I mean the Spaceport? Uncle Ted, uhh, I mean the Master, explained the principles of warping time and space to me before he had to "go away." However, when I tried the technique it didn't work exactly right and I think my brain got noticeably warped as well. If you see the Master at the Space Resort, please relay my regards and ask him for the appropriate correction factors so I can remodulate to the proper phase shift in the 17th dimension of the space-time continuum. No big deal if this is not conveniant for you. Just enjoy.... and take it EASY, man...

SwordandMug -- aSk AnD yOu WiLl ReCeIvE

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