Under the Hills and Through the Basement

Under the Hills and Through the Basement

"...so as a result, every Thanksgiving, I had to eat three dinners. Sometimes four."

"Okay, how many helpings each meal?" Ragnar asks as they walk through the ballroom toward the kitchen.

"At least two," SWORD replies.

"And you were only 5'4" tall at the time?"

"Yeah, back when I still classified as an official little person."

Ragnar shakes his head.

"How much did you weigh? You must have been this little beachball of a kid, right?"

SWORD smiles guiltily and shakes his head.

"No, I weighed in at approximately 100 to 105 pounds."

The huge viking continued to be stymied by the physics.

"You must have had a wormhole in your stomach! Glory! You eat desert every time?"

A gluttonous head shake is the response. "Me? Pass up pumpkin pie?" SWORD suddenly freezes, realizing that he just mentioned the 'P' word. He looks around, but everything is still. Then he hears something.

"What is that?" he asks a hand to his ear, his body alert for attack.

"What's what?" Ragnar asks.

SWORD points at the helmet far out of his reach on Ragnar's head. "Take that off and listen," he hisses.

Ragnar removes his viking helmet and listens. There is an odd sound coming from the kitchen. Quickly, they switch to commando mode and begin to flank the kitchen. The odd sound is getting louder. The close on the kitchen area on either side of the door. Ragnar nods at SWORD, who jumps through the open doorway, Ragnar fast on his heels and looming overhead.

They find TickTick baking. She looks up at them surprised.

"Tick?" Ragnar says.

"Uh... have you heard a strange...?"

"NOISE!" Ragnar and SWORD says simultaneously as they jump back. There is a live turkey in a cage. Their jumping startles TickTick who is holding a tray of pumpkin cakes.

"A live Thanksgiving turkey!"

"Where did that come from?"

TickTick looks back from one face to the other as the boys continue rattling off startled questions. Ragnar notes the pumpkin cakes and bends over, sniffing them.

"Mmmmmmmm, pumpkin cakes," he says with a greedy gleam in his eyes and reaches for one. TickTick slaps his fingers.

"No!" she says. "These are for Thanksgiving. You will just have to wait. They are my own special recipe."

She covers the tray and puts them in the fridge. "I know how many are on that tray, and none of them better be missing," she scolds and leaves the kitchen.

Both Ragnar and SWORD look dejected and make motions to console each other, but neither knows what to say. The situation is just too disheartening.

They look at the turkey and notice that a pumpkin cake fell off of the tray into the cage. Greedily the reach for it and slam into each other. Ragnar, who had neglected to put his helmet back on, finds out just how hard SWORD's head is.

"Ooohh..." the both say rubbing their respective knoggins.

They then see the ultimate horror. The turkey picks up the pumpkin cake in its beak and swallows it hole.

"NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!" they scream.

"TickTick said that was a special recipe," Ragnar says.

"...and so are her Brownies..." SWORD replies.

"...and we know what those do to you," Ragnar observes uneasily.

"...so what are her pumpkin cakes going to do to a turkey?"

RagnarRB -- How many?

Carefully, yet casually SWORD peaked out the door. He spied his prey right off. He turned back to Ragnar but didn't leave his position. "Alright, she's over by the bar making small talk, count them again."

Ragnar nodded, wiped his hands on his shirt and opened the frig door. His fingers almost immeadiately started to stray towards the brownies. "Owww..." He snatched his hand back.

SWORD had slapped him. "Count Ragnar, not eat!"

Ragnar glared and looked a bit pouty, if such is possible for a Viking. "But I'm hungry!."

Gobble Gobble....so far no change.

SWORD shook his head and hissed, "I know but not now. This is important. Ticks gonna be pissed. Who'd ever believe we let a turkey eat anything?!"

The door to the kitchen started to open.

Ragnar slammed the frig door barely missing SWORD. They spun, leaned against the frig and assumed the most innocent looks they could, Matching smiles.

In the doorway Anni paused. She looked at them. "Guys?"

"Uh...hi Anni come here often?" It was all Ragnar could think of. SWORD elbowed him.

"Uh uh...yes Anni we were just about to grab a sandwhich would you like one?"

Anni noted the cage. "Turkey from the park?"

The guys hadn't thought of that. Ticker wouldn't be vingeful would she? They nodded, heads bobbing in unison, neither moving from in front of the frig door. Anni tilted her head.

"Alright guys what's up?"

"Nothing...nothing." it was a contest as for who chimed first.

"Right." Anni shook her head knowingly. The guys did get a bit strange at times.

"Uh can be help you Anni?" SWORD step slightly foreward leaning an ear with his question. He moved to steer Anni away. Ragnar casually leaned a little further in front of the frig and iddly scratched his beard.

Anni didn't want to be led away. She resisted SWORD's hand on her elbow. "Knock it off SWORD I just want my milk." Anni brushed off the hand. They'd been in the PUNCH again, no doubt.

"Ah, I'll get it for you!" SWORD piped, spun and rushed to the frig. Ragnar quickly opened the door, smilling at Anni. SWORD delved within. "Ah here it is!" He handed Anni her milk.

Anni took the milk but looked at the guys a moment longer. "Thank you ...I think..."

"Bye now come again and all that, plenty of milk..."SWORD ushered her out.

Ragnar took a deep breath. "That was close."

"Shut up you it's all your fault!" SWORD sneered at the turkey. For the life of him he'd have thought Ticker had had her fill of turkeys since the park.

Ragnar motioned SWORD back to his obsewrvation post. He took a quick count. Frell! He shook his head, one was missing.

SWORD hissed, "Maybe we could make one."

"Yeh us? Without the recipie? We're doomed..."

"Are you sure you saw this thing eat it. Maybe he just hid it!"

SWORD looked worridly at his friend, "Now Ragnar that's grasping."

"I know, I know, but its worth a look!"

SWORD looked down at the turkey, still standing in his cage.

"This is rediculous!"

"Got any better ideas?"

SWORD shook his head. He reached for the latch on the gage. There was only one way to know for sure.

The sound of the opening latch was all the big bird had been waiting for. He knew two fellow turkeys when he saw them.

The Turker made his move...

SWORDandMUG -- Hiiiiiyyahhhh!!

Screams the turkey as it burst from the open cage door, kicking SWORD with a round house and throwing Ragnar with wing sweep to the legs.

BOOM! CRASH! The men fall loudly.

"So, you thought you could keep me captive, did you?" the turkey challenges. "Not I! For I am a master of Turk-Foo!"

With that statement, the turkey flicks its wings and sends feathers flying at the recovering men. THUNK THUNK THUNK THUNK THUNK! SWORD is pinned against the door to the freezer by deadly feather. THUCHINK THUCHINK THUCHINK! Feathers shatter on Ragnar's heavy chain mail hauberk. The impact staggers him, and the turkey takes advantage of the pause to launch itself through the air at the big viking. WHAP WHAP WHAP gobble gobble PECK PECK WHAP. Under the lightning fast onslaught, Ragnar is staggered. While SWORD struggles to free himself, he watches in horror as the turkey opens the refrigerator door and removes the tray of pumpkin cakes.

"HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! *gobble* With these pumpkin cakes, I, the sinister Dr. Gobbler, shall rule Thanksgiving! We will see just who gets the white meat this year! HAHAHAHAHAHA!!! * gobble*"

Laughing and gobbling, the mad fowl flies from the kitchen with his stolen stash of TickTick Special Pumpkin Cakes. As Ragnar staggers to his feet, SWORD says from his crucifix position on the freezer door, "Ragnar, I think we now know what one of Ticker's pumpkin cakes will do to a turkey."

RagnarRB -- Now we know

"...but who's going to believe us?"

Ragnar shook himself off and straightened his helmet."A little help here Rag."

"Wha..Oh sorry SWORD..." Ragnar mover over to the frig door and grasped a feather. He looked confused. "I did just see what I thought I saw didn't I?" He pulled the feather, <<PLUCK>>

"You mean a evil intellectural thanksgiving diner with a teenage mutant ninja turkey complex?"

Ragnar iddlely pursed his lips, grabbing another feather. "Yeah I'd say that describes it pretty well." <<PLUCK>>

"Oh," SWORD murmered, "Then in that case you're dillusional."

<<PLUCK>> " OH well if that's all then..."

<<PLUCK>> <<THUNK>> "I'm dillusional too.." SWORD finished from his new position on the floor. "Oww..."

Reaching under his seat SWORD produced the cookie tray.He turned it over to look at both sides, like maybe if he did it just right TickTick's pumpkin cakes would reappear.

<<heavy sigh>> "I just know I'm goona get accused of eating them. No body will believe..."

There was a clamor at the kitchen door, SWORD craftilly slipped the pan from sight. "Are you guys alright? we heard and crash and..."

Raven-Kat -- What the yotz....

have you two been up to?" Raven glances around the kitchen. "Physical Training? Can I join ya'? Any coffee left?"

Raven pauses and looks around the kitchen. "Where's the damned bird?"

Raven-Kat -- What happened?

Raven sits down at the table, wrapping her hands around her coffee cup and asks in her best den-mother voice: "What just happened in here? I think you guys had better tell me so I can break the news to Tick."

Sighing, Raven listens to their story. "I see. That could be a problem. See, I vowed that that Turkey would be my dinner tommorrow. Now I'm going to have to stick to vegitarian pizza. Unless you two are up for a good old fashioned Turkey huntin'."

Raven lays her pulse rifle on the table and galnces curiously at the guys.

LabMouse -- Hey Guys, Raven

LabMouse said as she strolled into the kitchen. She knew immediately that all was not right in the world, judging from the two shamed faces of ragnar and SWORD, the counseling tone of Raven, and the open, EMPTY cage and feathers everywhere.

Ticker's going to be pretty upset when she sees you've let her turkey go. What possessed you to release him? I know your a vegitarian Raven, but he deserved it, after all that trouble with Ticker...

NO! You've got it all wrong.. The guys trip over each other to explain.

After the lengthy explanation, the LabMouse decides to forgo the sandwich she was getting from the frig and leave with out further ado.

She knows when to leave a bad situation alone!

As she takes off out the back door, she sees a suspicious Turkey feather covered with Pumpkin pie! She rushes back in to tell the guys that she sound the trail.

Everyone! Out the back if you want to FIND THAT TURKEY!

leaped -- Ragnar and Sword

looked at each other with one of those "well, I guess it wouldn't hurt to look" expressions on their faces, and flew immediately out the door where Lab_mouse's announcement had come from. Sure enough. A pumpkin pie coated feather, followed by another, than another.

"This looks a lot like one of your beer can trails" Sword proclaimed to Ragnar.

"Only one thing to do Sword, follow the trail."

Moments later, after gathering dozens of the afore mentioned feathers, there, right in front of Ragnar and Sword layed an unbelievable sight. Apparently, in all the excitement, the bird went into cardiac arrest! Perhaps the "secret ingredients" that the Ticker had added to the pies had an ELEVATING (ouch) effect on the goobler's blood pressure. Not only had the bird passed in to the next realm, but somehow had managed to pluck himself clean in the process.

"Quick Rag" Sword barked. "We gota get this bird into the fridge while we still can, assuming of course, the fridge is big enough!"

RagnarRB -- Wait!!

Sword exclaimed as Ragnar was about to heft the freshly plucked minion. His hands paused having already grabbed it. He loked back at Sword in concern.

"It's too convenient, I don't like it." Sword quickly answered. Through the haze of PUNCH and brownies intellect was ringing...no laughing ladies, it's been known to happen!...

Ragnar looked back down at the turkey carcass, now nervous as well. "What are you thinking."

"Remain still Rag, don't move it could be a trap!" Sword carefully looked around. The turkey was not in sight.

Ragnar was beginning to swet. You ever notice how you suddenly itch when you're told not to scratch? "Well do something will ya." Ragnar didn't want to remain leaning over a dead turkey all day.

A pair of the new scaper residents strolled by. SWORD and Ragnar smiled. SWORD waved them on. "A game of Turkey ball" he lied. The two newbies mumbled about strange people as they walked away.

Ragnar screwed up his face. Speaking thru clenched teeth. "Do something! NOW!"

SWORD hurried to help. Squatting carefully by the bird he began sifting through the feathers under and beside the corpse. He paused. "Ot oh..."

"Ot oh bad..." SWORD shook his head. "Found something."

SWORD slowly uncovered a string. It appeared to be fixed to one leg of the bird. It led off around the house, covered over by leaves and a fine layer of dirt. It was a trap! Ragnar looked on expectantly.

"We're not that easially had you fiendish bird!" Ragnar called out into the yard. No gobbling was to be heard.

SWORD continued his inspection. What ever kind of trap it was it didn't seem to be here. He stood back up, his fingers trailing the string thru them. "I think you can let go now Ragnar. "

Ragnar stood up as well, SWORD dangled the bird by the leg. Nothing bad happened to them. Audible sigh. They smiled at each other. The turkey had been careless.

Stealthilly the intrepuid duo followed the string around the house. It led back indoors through a side door to the ballroom. The guys peered in.

TickTick and Anni were still engaged in conversation on one of the many couchs. Other Scapers milled about in their normal daily lives. The room was still relatively empty.

"There by the bar!" Ragnar hissed. SWORD looked closer.

Sure enough the little creature had taken refuge behind the bar. He was turned sideways to them, eyeing the couch and the chatting women. They had suprised him!

"He doesn't see us!"

"Yeah now he's ours!"

"And he's got hold of the string!"

"Must be waiting for us to fall for his prank.!

"Alright Ragnar you know what to do?"

Ragnar gave a thumbs up. This would be priceless, that bird would be back in the dinner pot faster than...

They smiled at each other. SWORD counted down.

"Three..two...one...now!"

Ragnar leaped into the room (sorry leaped borrowing you idiom again but as SWORD once said it's an emergency!)

"Got ya!" Ragnar screamed. At that moment SWORD pulled the cord hoping to topple the bird off balance and into Ragnar's clutchs!

One slight problem...

Neither of the guys had looked close enough. The turkey had only _seemed_ to be holding the cord. When SWORD pulled it easially slipped from his feathers, pulling the shorter of two attached lanyards. The lanyards run up atop the bar and hooked into the triggers of two miniature catapaults. They fired.

Time slowed. With percise graceful arch the twin pies sailed up into a gentle turn, gliding towards the couch. The ladies, Anni and Tick had just looked up to see what Ragnar was holloring about when they were hit.

Ragnar was left with his mouth open and SWORD was left holding the incriminating cord....

The turkey slipped out the door...

Raven-Kat -- “Follow that bird!”

Raven grabs her pulse rifle and runs out the door.

"SWORD, Ragnar! Move! Let's not loose it again!"

godallmitey -- *godallmitey pokes his head into the..

kitchen to say goodbye for the four-day Thanksgiving holiday*

*His eyes roll back up into his head at the sight of all the shenanigans unfolding*

*"The gang is acting like the Katzenjammer Kids on speed," he thinks*

*"Well, I'm heading off to visit some old friends up on Cloud Nine" he apprises the group*

*"Should be back down to Earp, I mean Earth, on Monday."

*"Oh, and Ragnar, take that turkey off your head! You could get Salmonella poisoning handling raw turkey with your lips and tongue that way!"

"I'd say 'Via con Dios, Amigos,' but that means 'Go with God.' And, I'm going, but you're staying. So, Chao (and eat lots of chow) for the holiday, kids!"

TickTick -- SPLAT! SPLAT!

Ticker and Anni slowly, deliberately, and with great feigned calm, wiped pumpkin pie from their faces.

SWORD and Ragnar had long since stopped breathing- what would the ladies do?

TickTick was the first to speak. After all, in the past few days she had started glowing, become a giant, been shrunk, been nearly eaten by that frelling turkey, and had still _not quite_ gotten back to full size.

"Guys? Wanna tell us what the hez this is about?" she asked, rather _too_ quietly.

The room was silent. Even godallmitey, peeking in through the door, had no omniscient comment to make.

Anni glared at the guys. Even SunAeryn had never looked at them that way... even on her worst Sebacean PMS day. :)

Ragnar cleared his throat. SWORD looked at them, pale faced.

"Umm..." Ragnar began.

"Err..." SWORD added helpfully.

"We..." Ragnar elaborated.

"It..." SWORD explained.

Anni nodded as she stood, still brushing pie off her face. TickTick joined her and the two began walking, VERY SLOWLY, toward the guys.

Raven_Kat stepped forward. "It was the turkey!" she said, holding her pulse rifle smartly.

TickTick paused in mid- step. "The TURKEY?" she asked in a strangled voice.

The guys nodded... "The turkey," Ragnar finally got out.

Anni and the Ticker looked at each other. "They've lost it. All of them... what did I tell you about those brownies?" Anni said.

TickTick shook her head. "Guys, I TOLD you not to eat my cakes... will you never learn?"

The girls continued advancing. The guys glanced at each other- should they continue to try to explain? Or just start running now?

RagnarRB -- Step by step

The girls stepped foreward...

The guys stepped back...

"Please Anni you've got to believe us..."SWORD pleaded.

"He's right Ticker we're innocent..."Ragnar cajoled.

The girls stepped foreward...

The guys stepped back...

"Oh we believe you guys..."Anni smiled, dripping sweetness in her voice.

"Sure we do guys, we only want to help you." Ticker vamped with calm aplomb.

The girls stepped foreward...

The guys stepped back...

"Listen gals I saw it myself. It was that frelling Turkey!" Raven_Kat interjected. "I'm going to eat it!"

The girls stepped foreward...

The guys stepped back...

"Care to explain that string Mr. Innocent..." Anni smirked.

"Or that "Got Ya! yell Mr. Bigger innocent..."Tick Continued.

LabMouse squeeked, she knew she should have fled! What to do?!

The girls stepped foreward...

The guys backed into the wall.

The girls smiles widened. "It's bad enough that you guys do these things but must you be such a bad influence on Raven? And look at poor LabMouse she's squiking again!" Anni's voice raised.

The guys swallowed hard, maybe running had been the best option after all They closed their eyes not knowing what to expect. All they were missing were the blindfolds.

"Hey gang, what's up!" A lively chipper Leaped lept into the room, his feet doing a little dance. "I'm back!"

Everyone froze, Leaped just smiled, standing there eating that pumpkin cake...

Raven-Kat -- “The only carnage I witness here today

will be against that benighted bird!" Raven speaks slowly and, she hopes, forcefully. "Ladies! Anni, TickTick, just LISTEN. The turkey got the cake, ya ya ya. The turkey got the guys, ya ya ya.

We have a common enemy today, and it isn't the guys. It's this bird with a chu-manfu complex! So could we please go kill it so I can eat it before I cahnge my mind?"